A gift from the Powers - Part 3 of 3, NSFW

[brambless]

"No." Tara says, simple and firm. "No, Shane. She was wrong. You were wrong. You see everyone so clearly, except yourself." She doesn't want to scare Shane, but she has to show her, has to make her see. "Shane... do you trust me? Can I show you how I see you?"

Drawing back, Shane's cheek grazes Tara's and she hesitantly meets her eyes. "All right," she replies softly.

"You believe in karma," Tara reminds her. "And we've settled the alternate dimension thing. This is a lot for one day, but... I'm a witch, Shane. And there's this thing we can do that..." It'll be more like what she did with Maia than what she's done with her Shane, because there just isn't time to teach Shane what she needs to know. "I'm going to show you who you are. Who I see when I look at you. Not with words or drawings, but right into your mind. Is that okay?"

"I... o-okay," Shane replies after a moment. She's not sure what Tara means, or how she can do that - witch thing aside - but if Tara wants to share this with her, then it's probably pretty important. As it is, she'll probably just find herself waking up and realize this has all been a dream, anyway. Her having passed out drunk on the couch. "Does it -- will it ... hurt?"

"No," Tara replies, stroking Shane's face with gentle fingers, her eyes soft and reassuring. "No, baby, it won't hurt. I'm just not going to do anything to you without your consent." Never looking away from Shane's eyes she extends her hand, swirling it through the air and casting a careful circle around them, seeing the purple shimmer of light in her peripheral vision form as a ring and then broaden out into an invisible sphere around them, centered on the bed. She needs Shane to know she can do what she's offering.

At the first flickers of that purple light, Shane nestles closer to Tara, not quite sure what it is she's seeing, but Tara seems calm enough and as though she knows what she's doing. "You're -- you really are one," she murmurs, eyes widening just slightly. "A witch. You really are."

"Yeah," Tara replies, dropping a kiss onto Shane's hair. "I really am. And so are you, Shane. You've been learning from me. You can do this all on your own, back home. My apprentice witch."

"Me?" If anything Shane's eyes get rounder as she looks back at Tara. "No way..."

"Yes, way," Tara replies, laughing softly. "You've got a theory about combining Quantum Physics with magic, and you're studying both at University. And you're an incredible student, in both fields. All your teachers adore you, and you're a straight A student." She knows that to Shane, this must sound like an incredible dream, something that couldn't possibly be true - but it is. Every word of it.

"I -- I didn't even finish high school," Shane murmurs, brows furrowing as she shakes her head in confusion. "How did I get into college?"

"Adult admissions exam," Tara replies. "You have to get your GED before the semester is over... but there's not really any fear you'll fail that."

It seems like the only thing she's done since she's met Tara has been to shake her head and it doesn't look as though that's going to change any time soon, since she's still shaking it. "I have... I have a life," she murmurs, disbelief coloring her words, brows wrinkled.

"You have a wonderful life," Tara replies, even as she knows she's leaving out the things that are difficult. Like being kidnapped and trapped in a deadly maze for three days with no food and no water and seemingly no way out. "Ups and downs, like life always has... but a wonderful life."

"And I have you," Shane says softly, meeting Tara's eyes. "Even without all the rest of it... that would be something."

"You have me," Tara agrees, holding Shane tighter, pressing a kiss to her temple. "And you always, always will." She doesn't know if that's a comfort to this Shane, though.

"Thank you," she whispers, nestling her face in the hollow of Tara's throat again. If she can have a Tara - if somewhere, some version of herself could have her - then ... maybe it's all not quite as impossible, as hopeless, as it seems.

"Are you ready?" Tara asks softly, stroking Shane's hair with one hand while the other rubs soft, soothing circles between her shoulderblades.

"Yeah," Shane murmurs, voice hushed, doing her best to contain the shiver that courses through her. She's still not entirely sure of what's going to happen, but Tara had promised her it wouldn't hurt, so she has to take her at her word and trust her with this.

She's never done this with a conscious mind that wasn't cooperating, before. Maia was in a coma, Shane was working right along with her. It's possible, though, she just has to be gentle. She closes her eyes, sinking into what's almost a meditative trance as she pictures Shane's mind like a house, guarded by the natural shielding most human beings have. Not incredibly effective - but present, nonetheless. This mind she knows, and she colours that house with homey touches, aspects of the woman she loves so dearly. Then, stepping the short distance of a million miles outside her own mind, she knocks gently on the door of that house, waiting for Shane to let her in.

Shane draws in a quick sip of air and holds that breath as she feels... something. A definite presence that's familiar but at the same time has nothing to do with the fact that she's in Tara's arms right now. The strong sense of someone waiting for her. Unsure of what to do, she opens that door to welcome Tara in.

That's all Tara needs, that spark of willingness, and she gently insinuates herself into Shane's mind, finding the unawakened chakra and tying herself to it like a boat to an anchor. She won't be able to see anything of Shane, as shut down as Shane is... but she can show Shane what she sees... and she does. The time they met, Shane's consideration of her, her selfless compassion apparant even then. The dreamfasting she and her wife had shared, the 'what if' between the two of them, chosen because it was the same Shane as this one, before the two paths diverged. Shane, leaving her shoes for Rachel to wear home, leaving the Planet before Rachel could protest so there could be no embarrassment, no debt owed. The bruises she sees on Shane's soul, both here and there, formed in childhood and only growing worse as time goes by. The mental, faceless picture she has of Carmen, digging her thumbs into those bruises, making them hurt. And the woman underneath it all, shining so brightly Tara can hardly look at her directly, the purest, most wonderful soul Tara has ever known.

She's not sure whether it's all right for her to speak and so she remains silent, wordlessly observing what Tara is so generously sharing with her, trying to make sense of the pieces and to put them all together in her mind. Shane tips her head to one side, resting it on Tara's shoulder as she gently smooths her hand back and forth along Tara's spine, feeling very much like a kindergartener at storytime.

Tara's only regret is that with this tenuous link she can't share emotions or thoughts, only images - but she does the best she can with those, not daring to risk any more with someone as untrained as Shane is. Then, as gently as she entered, she unties her moorings and withdraws to her own mind. "That's what I see," she whispers. "That's who you are, Shane McCutcheon."

"Thank you, Tara," she whispers back softly, leaning in a bit to press a soft kiss to the delicate skin on her throat, eyes catching on the faint mark that her suckling earlier has left behind.

"You're welcome," Tara replies, moaning softly at that kiss. "You're not worthless, Shane. You're... extraordinary. I'm so proud of you, and I'm so proud that I'm the one you've chosen to share your life with. If Carmen didn't see that, she never, never, never deserved you."

Shane leans in, slowly nuzzling the same spot she'd just kissed. "Do I... deserve you?" She whispers.

"Yes," Tara replies, no doubt at all in her voice or mind. "You deserve more than me, Shane... but it's me you chose. And I try every day to be worthy of you."

Lifting her head up from Tara's shoulder, Shane places a soft kiss on the spot where Tara's jaw meets her throat. The depth of love this woman has for her is breathtaking and she finds herself wondering why it is that she and Tara hadn't ever crossed paths again after that night on the street. Maybe all of the pieces had been shifting around the way they had for a purpose, so that she could have this moment with Tara, as precious and brief as it is. So she could understand, so that she could know that it is possible to find what she's been searching for all this time. "I see why," she whispers. "Why I chose you..."

"I'm glad you did," Tara says softly, her eyes sliding shut in pleasure as Shane kisses her, soft and tender. She wants to ask why, and tries to hold the question back for a moment before she asks herself why she's holding back - and goes ahead and asks it. "Why did you choose me, Shane?"

"You're sweet... and good, and... you fit me," she whispers, trailing more soft kisses along Tara's jawline.

"Mmm," Tara purrs softly, tilting her chin up so Shane can continue along that line, if she should so wish. "We fit well."

"You believe in me," Shane adds, gently running the end of her nose up along the underside of Tara's chin before pressing a soft kiss to the spot. "You... you trust me."

"With my life and soul," Tara whispers, her fingers weaving through Shane's hair, feeling longer strands than she's used to slip between her fingers as the very tips of her nails rake gently against Shane's scalp.

Shane rubs her cheek against Tara's, eyes sliding closed at the fine edge of Tara's nails against her scalp sending warm prickles trickling down her spine. She could imagine that they -- Tara and her Shane -- had probably spent hours like this, just talking and touching. It felt so comfortable, just being with her. "I like being with you," she whispers."

"I like being here," Tara whispers back, deliberately making a distinction that includes this Shane, as opposed to her wife - who she always enjoys being with, in a way that doesn't need to be restated.

"So... is it weird? I mean, I know I'm a lot older," she says softly, drawing back to study Tara's face.

"How old are you?" Tara asks curiously. She's grown so used to thinking of her Shane as ageless, but this woman is very clearly older.

"Twenty six," Shane replies, reaching up to gently run her hand over Tara's hair, smoothing it back out of her face.

"Wow..." Tara murmurs, a wondering smile crossing her face. "You're older than me... but... no. Not weird. You're my Shane Michelle. You're not my knight, not here and now, but... you're still Shane."

"Your... your knight?" Shane asks, brows creasing just slightly as she looks at Tara, hand still gently stroking her hair.

"Yeah," Tara says, leaning in to kiss Shane at that look of confusion. "My knight protector. Because she'd never let anything hurt me, because she's this shining, chivalrous gentleman in a word full of pretty lousy folks sometimes. Because she took on a honest-to-goodness demon for me, with a baseball bat, when I was hurt and nobody thought I could be saved." Another soft kiss, as Tara whispers, "she's my knight."

It's strange, to be talking about this other person ... this other person who just so happens to be her, only so much younger, with seemingly everything she's been searching for her entire life. That Shane is a different person, but at the same time ... she, herself, can already understand why that Shane would fight a demon for Tara and would - given time - most likely do the exact same thing. Leaning in, she captures Tara's lips up in another deliberate kiss. "How long can you stay?" She whispers.

Tara wants to be able to say 'as long as you want me', but the truth is... "I don't know. The... spell, I guess, that brought me here... I'm not exactly controlling it. I guess I'll go back when I've done what I came to do. But my Shane doesn't know I'm gone, so I can't be too long. She'll worry - and you know her. You know you. She'll think it's her fault." Her lips cling to Shane's though, reluctant to leave this woman alone. She has Jenny, at least. A dear friend, who's taking care of her. Someone who loves her, though what kind of love it is, Tara can't tell.

Shane understands, but it still causes a pang in her chest - the thought of losing this new, though admittedly tenuous, connection. She wants to say that she wishes Tara could stay here, but it's selfish and she's been far too selfish recently... Tara needs to be home with her wife, not stuck here looking after her. Her hand slips down to gently cradle Tara's cheek as she kisses her again, wanting to make the most of every second they have together...

Shane either hasn't noticed the scar on her chest - that runs all the way through to her back - or she hasn't wanted to ask. Part of her wants to leap up out of the bed and find a phone book, to see if she can track herself down. Another part of her fears that she would find the same story playing out here, dead and buried. She doesn't want to raise Shane's hopes without cause, and Shane hasn't asked any specific details that might help her to find Tara herself - except for the initial interview questions. Thoughts racing through her head she clings to Shane a little, arms wrapped tight as she kisses her, gentle and fervent at the same time, her lips parting to feel Shane's tongue, soft velvet against her own.

Shane had, in fact, noticed the scar... there was no way that she couldn't have noticed it, but whatever, however it was that Tara had survived - or not - and found her way to her other self, it felt like none of her business, even though her other self probably did know the answers to those questions. Slipping both of her arms around Tara, she gently cradles the back of her head as she returns the kiss, parting her own lips and fitting them over the other woman's to allow her tongue to slip inside and accept that silent invitation.

Their tongues rasp and curl together for long moments, Tara relaxing into the familiar gentleness of Shane's embrace but feeling the difference nine years has had on her wife's body, on the confident way she moves. The same woman, undoubtedly... but it's like Michaelangelo. He said, once, that the way he sculpts is to take a block of marble and remove all the parts that don't look like David. Shane is like that. Her Shane is rougher, perhaps... or more gentle. This Shane is more precise, her walls higher, everything etched that little bit deeper. She's the finished David, but the tool of her sculpting is pain.

By the time Carmen had finally left, the last of her walls had crumbled, making it possible for her to be devastated at losing the woman who she'd intended to be her wife in this universe - and she had been devastated. For all her trying, all her effort, all her hope and trust and care... all she'd gotten in return was misery. Yet she didn't feel bitter about the way things had ended between them, or even with the way that her father had betrayed her -- just sad and disappointed in them. It was only afterwards that the bitterness had rolled in, when Carmen left and hollowed out her life. Because Carmen, for all her faults and cruelty, had been the center of her world. For now... for right now, in this moment, Tara is the center of it... gently reassuring and healing with every kiss and touch and shared story.

"I'm greedy," Tara laughs, as she gently breaks the kiss and leans her forehead against Shane's, fingers curling down through her hair to cup both sides of Shane's face. "I want you again. I want to taste you, I want to feel your muscles clench as you come around my fingers." She knows she doesn't have this Shane for long, and she wants to give her everything, everything she can in the time she does have.

A shiver courses through Shane, as much from the gentle touches as those words whispered in that sweet voice, and she lets out a soft, breathless chuckle. "Okay," she whispers.

"Yeah?" Tara replies, a sweet smile crossing her face, like she's been given the most amazing gift there could be. Shane had stopped her before, and as reticent as her Shane, whose walls weren't nearly as high had been... she had thought that was a privilege Shane wouldn't allow her.

"Yeah," Shane murmurs, nodding slowly, a soft smile tugging up the corners of her mouth as she lets her fingers trail down to lightly brush the curve of Tara's smile. "It... it feels right... with you."

Tara turns her head a little more once that touch has been achieved, pressing a soft kiss to Shane's fingers. She doesn't take the shield down - there's no need, here and now, and she's just paranoid enough to like having the shield up when she's distracted. Taking Shane's hand in hers she teases that hand open, pressing another kiss to Shane's palm, and a third to her wrist.

Shane's fingers curl just slightly, tips lightly brushing against Tara's cheek as they curl reflexively in response to the kiss on her wrist, her smile becoming almost impossibly shy. Leaning in, she presses a soft kiss to Tara's temple and another to her cheek, tenderly nuzzling the spot.

It's odd, how very much shyer this Shane seems than her own. Perhaps its just that she and Shane have grown so comfortable with each other... but she feels older than this Shane, in a way she very rarely feels with her wife. Gently, arms still circled around Shane's back, she brings the other woman to lie down on the mattress, trailing her lips down Shane's jaw and over the column of her throat, nipping gently at the skin, soothing each nip with a soft stroke of her tongue and an even gentler kiss as she makes her winding way down Shane's body.

She still has no idea what to do with her hands or the rest of herself, but Tara's hair is a lure that she can't resist. So instead of just letting her hands rest on the mattress by her sides, she hesitantly reaches up and runs the fingers of both hands lightly through Tara's hair, feeling the silken texture of it as it slides between her fingers, each tiny nip of Tara's teeth and lap of her tongue sending sharp, shivering thrills through her which quickly make way for warmth. Taking a deep breath, she does her best to relax, though doing this - with anyone - is still very new and strange, for her.

Tara purrs at that sensation, always one she has trouble describing but soft and wonderful and just as indescribably precious. She loves having her hair played with, especially when it's Shane, with her long fingers and deft motions that always seem to know exactly how and where to touch her. She reaches Shane's breast and changes her motion, sliding the softness of her cheek across that even soft flesh, with the hard, insistent nub of Shane's nipple a tickling presence against the tiny vellum hairs on her cheek. The nipple brushes over her lips on the first stroke and the second, as she turns her head and slides back the other way, but on the third she captures it, sucking it, deeply and suddenly, into the depths of her mouth, her cheeks hollowing with the force of her suction.

Shane's exhale is quick and shaky, hands slipping from Tara's hair to rest on her shoulders as she presses her head back into the mattress, a rush of fire trickling into her veins at the persistent suckling. A thought flickers through her mind and she bites her lip, anything she can do in order to keep from either speaking it or chuckling at it. If only Carmen had shown this much care and concern for her... she wouldn't have minded being made love to nearly as much as she did... in fact, she actually would have enjoyed it... just as she's doing now...

She's supposed to enjoy it - that's the whole point. If they didn't both enjoy it they shouldn't be doing this, and Tara intends to get fully as much pleasure out of loving Shane as Shane does in being loved. Her palm slides down Shane's shoulder to find the other breast, massaging it before catching the nipple between the base of two fingers, kneading gently so that every motion pinches Shane's nipple between her fingers as her tongue pulses strongly, pressing Shane's other nipple against the ridged roof of her mouth.

Rolling her shoulders back, Shane presses herself up into Tara's mouth and those teasing fingers, eyes sliding closed as her breathing grows a bit heavier. Shane threads her fingers into Tara's hair, gently combing it back as she glances down, eyes taking in the sight of those soft pink lips wrapped around her nipple, feeling the wetness gathering at the apex of her thighs with each tug of Tara's fingers and mouth.
Slowly Tara pulls away, dragging her teeth over Shane's nipple, briefly crossing to the other one and suckling it, too, so as not to make it feel left out with the lesser attention of her hand. Then she continues her purposeful trail down Shane's body, stopping randomly to suckle on any patch of skin that catches her attention, adorning pale flesh with small nips of her teeth that leave tiny red flares in their wake, blossoming against Shane's skin like secrets spilled. She stops when she reaches Shane's right hipbone, the one her wife carries Tara's tattoo on, and suckles it suddenly and strongly, her tongue swirling over the bone and her teeth pressing into the flesh.

Just as with Tara's Shane, this particular spot is just as sensitive on this universe's Shane, as well and she sucks in a sharp, ragged gasp of surprise, both hands darting down to cradle Tara's head, though she's not entirely sure whether she intends to ease her away or pull her closer. The air touches each of her nipples, made slick by Tara's mouth, and the combination of the two sensations go straight to her clit, a low groan escaping her throat.

Her mouth gentles as Shane's hands land on her head, nuzzling and soothing, laving the skin with her tongue and dragging her teeth gently over it before swooping down again to suckle with a soft, fervent moan of desire. Her right hand strokes lower, weaving through Shane's moistened pubic hair to slip two fingers between wet folds, tracing her from tip to base and back to tip again, spreading that moisture around, feeling Shane's warmth and wetness enfolding her in this more minor way as she forces herself to wait a little longer before truly being inside Shane.

"Ohh, god..." Shane grinds out, voice impossibly husky, breathing quickly dissolving into harsh, helpless pants. If her brain were still functioning on all of its cylinders, she'd swear that Tara was cheating... well, sort of, but using her knowledge of her own Shane's body to turn her into a hopelessly horny puddle of mush, but ... no, Tara's nice. She wouldn't do something like that. Her breath catches as she feels Tara's fingers tease her open and glide along the length of her and she has to rethink that... Tara would absolutely, definitely cheat.

Tara wouldn't see that cheating and nice were mutually exclusive. Shane asked her earlier to treat her as Tara would her wife... and with her wife she takes advantage of everything she's learned to send Shane as high as she possible can, to bring her as much joy as her body can hold - and then some. A hopelessly horny puddle of mush is exactly what Tara is aiming for, and it is with no small pleasure that Tara finally releases Shane's hip and moves lower, her fingers sliding out of the way to make room for a tongue that travels from Shane's entrance to her clit in a long, slow movement.

"Oh... fuck..." Shane breathes, her voice sounding faint even to her own ears as she bites down hard on her bottom lip, doing everything she can in order to keep from bucking up into that prolonged caress and risk hurting Tara. Breathing growing shakier and quicker by the minute, her eyes squeeze closed, head falling back onto the mattress with a soft thump, bouncing once before it settles.

In one heartbeat, Tara faces an agonising choice. Whether to stay here, and suckle on Shane's clit, to tease it with the tip of her tongue and lave it with the broad, slightly roughened flat... or whether to drop lower, to firm her tongue into a point and press as deeply into Shane as she can, tasting her essence, breathing her in until the whole world smells of that incredible musk. Shane gives her no guidance, and what finally makes the decision for her is that the closer Shane gets to orgasm, the less Tara is going to want that moment of absence as she switches - and it's hard for her to maintain the stretch of having her tongue inside Shane while she comes. Besides, she's already specified to Shane that she wants Shane to come around her fingers. Choice made, then, and her head drops as her hand rises. Two fingers sit on either side of Shane's clit, framing the nub for Tara's thumb to stroke and caress, as her tongue dances briefly at Shane's entrance, licking twice to swallow the fluid seeping there before pressing forward, letting Shane's heat and strength envelop her tongue.

Another hoarse, bitten-off cry tumbling from her lips, Shane's head tips further back, mouth hanging open in a silent scream as she draws her hands away from Tara's hair and grips the covers beneath her, a moan working its way up from deep within her stomach to force its way out of her throat. It sounds almost surprisingly loud, given how quiet the rest of the house is, and the low, aggravated creak of the roughly hewn bed as she shifts, parting her legs wider and finally, carefully rocking down, is just as loud.

Feeling the loss of Shane's hands keenly - but understanding the reason for it - Tara redoubles her efforts, firming her tongue into a point as pressing as deeply as she can, curling it at the tip to press the sensitive, slightly roughened spot on Shane's upper wall. A few test strokes and then she sets up a rhythm, letting her neck take most of the strain as her thumb moves in tiny, tight circles over Shane's framed clit.

"Ohhhh f -- uhhh..." Shane groans out, doing her best to keep still, though each subsequent thrust sets of fireworks under her skin, every inch of her screaming for her to move, to take Tara even deeper, as deep as she can. "Ohh, fuck, Tara..."

Feeling the trembling in Shane's muscles, the desire to move - and knowing Shane won't while there's the chance of hurting her - Tara withdraws her tongue, sliding up in a long, smooth stroke to lave Shane's clit with her own slickness as her fingers take the place of her tongue. Three fingers, pressed deeply within Shane, knowing that she prefers to be filled than to slowly build up width and sensation with one, then two, then three. Her fingers take up the rhythm her tongue had set, skipping onto a couple of beats in the transition. Her other hand cups Shane's hip, silently urging her to move as Tara's tongue firms back into a point, so that every move of Shane's hips will make her clit brush firmly against Tara's tongue.

Shane lets out a deep, grateful moan as she rocks her hips down at that wordless invitation, impaling herself on Tara's fingers, the sensation of tightness, of emptiness being completely filled, taking her breath away. Her shoulders remain pressed back against the mattress, her back a graceful arch as she takes those fingers in again and again, shivering at the heat of Tara's tongue on her clit. If she'd had any doubts before that this woman knew her, they're all gone, now...

Once she's got the a handle on Shane's rhythm, Tara closes the heat of her mouth over Shane's clit, following the motions of her hips with her head as best she can. Her tongue rubs back and forth on the sensitive underside of Shane's clit, humming low and soft to send vibrations over the bundle of nerves as she revels in the luxury of Shane's taste on her tongue and at the back of her throat, Shane's body enveloping her fingers, taking her to the knuckle, making Tara a part of herself.

And this is what she's been looking for, all this time... everything she's always hoped to feel, she's feeling. It had gotten to the point that she thought she would never find this with anyone, never have this with anyone, but she is, with Tara. She's being made love to and she can feel it with each deep stroke of Tara's fingers, each flick of her tongue, the care and love and tenderness almost palpable. And it's that thought, all of these sensations, that flood through her with impossible heat and desire and warmth and wanting and love. Gasping, her back arches further, head pressing deeply into the pillow as she loses herself in it...

Shane's back is a graceful curving arch, a thing of beauty, and if she were a sculptor she would form this woman out of stone, something warm to the touch that would last with water flowing over it, as water should always flow over Shane. Gently she suckles on Shane's clit, her tongue pulsing and massaging that hardened, tender nub, her fingers curling a little at the depth of each stroke to press and drag against that place within Shane. She's determined to overwhelm Shane with sensations, in the absence of the orange link of emotion Shane isn't trained enough to be able to form, determined that Shane will feel her love as loudly and clearly as Tara can give it to her, so that even after Tara leaves, Shane will never forget that she was loved, is loved, light and dark and flaws and shadows and strengths, all at once.

With each press and prolongued drag of Tara's fingers inside her, it's almost as though Tara is trying to coax some intangible thing, some part of her out and into her waiting mouth, to swallow down and hold and keep forever. In truth, at this point, Tara could have anything she wanted, anything at all - everything, even - if she would only ask. Heart and soul and body and everything, all of it. She knows that Tara can't stay but if she had even the smallest sliver of self worth left, she would offer that - herself - in the hopes that it would be enough to make Tara want to stay... that and the fact that, with each passing second, she realizes how much she could come to genuinely need this woman...

Beckoning, yes. That's what she's doing. Coaxing Shane out of herself and into Tara's waiting mouth, the bright and the beautiful and the hopeful in her. That last scrap of self worth, that Tara doesn't believe if gone, won't ever believe is gone. If she could divide herself in two she would be in both places, would make it so that every universe's Shane had a Tara and vice versa, because she believes with every fibre of her being that they are meant to be together. She needs Shane and Shane needs her, because they see the truth in one another even when they can't see the truth in themselves. It's that truth that Tara imagines with every press of her fingers into Shane, as if she could bury it deep enough inside her that it would stick, that truth that she beckons from the hidden place in Shane where it lies, whimpering, frightened to come back out into a world that has only ever caused it pain.

If Shane could feel it, could be aware of what Tara imagined, she'd be grateful, though at the same time she would be doubtful, as always. She can't even imagine how many different versions of her there are out there. So many different versions, all walking around with the same wounds, the same damage, and lacking this, missing such a huge and vital piece - the key, she's sure, to who they all are, not just her. She knows that people are always looking for it and she knows that she's no different from any of them, doesn't believe she deserves it more than any of them, doesn't think herself special enough to be that different. It's what everyone searches for... it's just that she's lucky enough to have found it and be aware of it... and it's not even really hers. Still gasping, the fingers of her right hand remain clenched around a fistful of the covers as she extricates her left hand, pressing the back of it against her brow, as though she can somehow silence or settle the thoughts rattling around inside...

Too many thoughts, indeed, for this moment. Lifting her head for a brief moment to taking in a ragged, panting breath, Tara sees that hand, covering Shane's face, as an alien thing. She does this - though her hand is usually turned the other way - hiding under the sensation. That's now what this is about, though, and rather than ducking her head again she lets her thumb float up to Shane's clit, firmly stroking as she speaks. Warm and low she says, "I love you, Shane. Gods... I love you so much."

That voice draws her up out of the depths from where she's caught and Shane lets her hand slip off, falling onto the pillow beside her head as she sucks in a deep, sharp breath. She opens her eyes so that she can look down along the length of her body, her hips continuing to press up and up to meet each thrust and stroke. "Tara..." she breathes, voice raspy as her breath in her throat. "Tara, I love you... please... please, come here..."

Tara climbs back up Shane's body, her fingers twisting into a better angle but never ceasing their relentless pounding within Shane. The heel of her hand settles into the hollow of her hip, letting her put the whole weight of her body behind each thrust, as she brings her face to Shane's, hovering just above her mouth so that their lips brush together. The same air, filling both their lungs, the exhale of one becoming the inhale of the other.

Shane reaches up, both hands combing through Tara's hair, fingers tightening into it reflexively as Tara drives into her over and over again. Shivering as she feels the ticklish charge of their lips as they graze each other's, she parts her own lips in response. Hot, panting breaths feather over Tara's lips as she slowly, lightly runs her tongue over Tara's bottom lip and then the top one, an impossibly delicate touch even in the midst of this powerful, purposeful thrusting.

Tara shudders under the delicate touch of Shane's tongue, her free hand lifting to settle over Shane's breast, kneading the soft flesh there as she whimpers. This always happens - she sets out to drive Shane mad with pleasure, and ends up as felled by it as her wife. She would beg Shane to keep talking to her if that didn't feel unfair, hearing how hard each word was to form. Instead she parts her lips, taking Shane's breath into her, giving Shane access to anything and everything of her that the woman might want. Giving everything, in this moment she has to give it.

Lifting her head up from the pillow just a few scant centimeters, Shane slips her tongue into Tara's mouth, lips creating a gentle seal over hers that she uses to draw her down along with her as she lowers her head to the pillow again, hands stroking over her hair, blunt-tipped fingers massaging her scalp. Feeling Tara's whimper, her hand caressing her, she can't help but whimper in turn, the sounds Tara makes just as arousing, as affecting, as the touches.

More than happy to follow Shane wherever she might lead, Tara moans against Shane's mouth as her tongue meets Shane's, stroking along the length of it. Shane's hands in her hair, Shane's whimper caught in her mouth like the finest chocolate, a dark sound that melts on her tongue to leave something golden and glorious behind - and her fingers, all the while, her fingers buried inside Shane, feeling the hot pulsing of Shane's blood beneath the tissues that massage her fingers, being inside her, part of her...

The ends of Tara's fingers hit a particularly sensitive spot and a low, ragged groan sounds at the back of Shane's throat, her inner muscles clenching and tightening with surprising strength around those penetrating fingers. Arms winding around Tara's neck, Shane holds her in close, kiss growing more and more feverish, hungry as the two of them move with each other.

If Tara could get closer, she would. She'd climb inside Shane's body if it were an option, would be inside her with more than fingers and mouth. Hearing Shane's groan, feeling those muscles ripple around her, she shifts her stroke slightly to hit that spot more deliberately. At the same time, grateful for the magical circle still cast around them, Tara lets out a thread of pure desire from her base chakra, and brushes it against Shane's. Even on someone who has never performed any kind of magic, the base chakra is always opened a little, and so it's no effort at all to slip in, to graze across it the same way she might graze across Shane's clit.

Breaking the kiss, Shane tips her head back on the pillow, her strained, throaty cry resounding off the walls as her hips grind up to meet each of Tara's thrusts, every stroke of her fingers setting off powers bolts like electricity bouncing all throughout her body, in addition to that intense something she'd just felt. She has no idea what it was, but if it happens again, she's not going to last much longer...

"Yessssss," Tara whispers, half hiss and half moan as she watches Shane's neck arch. Her head ducks, settling over Shane's throat, suckingly hard for a brief moment. "So beautiful," she whispers, lifting her head again so she can see this extraordinary woman, spread out beneath her. "Oh, gods.... Shane...."

Shane's fingers tighten in Tara's hair as she feels the heat of her mouth, the touch of it almost startling her right out of rhythm, but somehow she manages to salvage it. Then that wonderful suckling and heat is gone and she lets out a barely audible whimper of protest, though she doesn't make any attempts to draw Tara's head back down. Though she'd very much like to. Still, the sound of Tara's voice nudges her even closer to the edge. "Tara..." she whispers breathlessly.

"Love you, Shane," Tara says, her voice more than a whisper now, though low and threaded with need. "So beautiful, baby... love you so much..." Her fingers pinching at Shane's nipple, her voice grows thinner as she begs, "oh, gods Shane... come for me..." That red tendril reaches out again, pressing and pulsing against Shane's chakra as her thumb presses and pulses against Shane's clit, as her fingers curl to press and drag against that spot within Shane, as much sensation as she can load this incredible woman with, all at the same moment.

Another one of those choked whimpers and Shane draws Tara closer, resting her forehead against hers as her mouth falls open, body raked with hard, unforgiving shudders as she comes hard, overtaken and swept under by all of the sensations at once. Eyes squeezing shut, a husky half-shout escapes her as the waves pound down over her again and again, determined to wash her clear away.

Conscious that when Shane comes hard like this any touch to her clit can sometimes drive her through pleasure and into pain, Tara's thumb lifts, her fingers stilling within Shane's tightly clamping muscles. The tips still curling, pressing and pulsing, Tara treasures every shudder and sound, gathering them up and hoarding them within herself as she lets the red tendril continue to tease against Shane's chakra, never letting up until the last of Shane's spasms fade.

Even when the spasms fade, Shane's still trembling even as she lets her hands slip down to cradle Tara's face between them, gently lifting her head to press a single firm kiss to her lips. That's about all that her body will allow her - at least for the time being, until her heartbeat and breathing slow back to normal - so she just settles her forehead against Tara's again as she gasps and shivers.

Shane's kiss dances on her lips, tingling there, making her tremble in turn. Her free hand strokes over Shane's shoulder and down her side, soothing skin in placement of the more automatic functions of heart and lungs, her lips curving in a gentle, whole-hearted smile as she rides atop Shane's waves of pleasure, feeling the swell and flow of it pass through the woman beneath her.

Those light touches of Tara's hand are ticklish and very nearly too much for her already overloaded nervous system, but after just a few moments, she manages to breathe and relax herself enough that the touches are no longer overwhelming. She slowly lowers her head back down onto the pillow, almost as though she's afraid it might come off - which, at this point, pretty much anything is possible, in her mind - and although her eyes are closed, she can all but sense that sweet smile on Tara's lips. She still can't get her vocal chords or her breathing to cooperate with one another, much less her arms, but somehow she's able to return that smile.

Lowering her head to the crook of Shane's shoulder, Tara closes that last distance between them, letting her breath flutter hot against Shane's throat, feeling the softness of Shane's dark hair against her face. Her arm slides under Shane's neck, holding her tight and close as Shane's racing pulse beats against her sensitive, still smiling lips.

Tara's breath against her throat is an impossibly intense sensation to her, right now, and she feels another shiver course through her, a soft moan tumbling from her lips as she finally drags her hand back up to smooth it deliberately over Tara's hair.

"Mmmm," Tara hums, a simple sound of pleasure at the feeling of Shane playing with her hair. "Love you."

"Tara..." Shane sighs again, tipping her head just slightly to one side to rub her cheek against Tara's. "Love you..."

She knows Shane, knows that Shane would never say those words unless she meant them. Part of her worries about that, at the recognition that Shane has fallen in love with her so quickly, and it won't be long before she leaves, as surely as Carmen left - though for different reasons. There's nothing she can do about that, though. What she can do is give Shane the experience of being loved, truly and unconditionally. At least, then, she'll recognise it next time it comes around. Perhaps - if Tara's very, very lucky - even come to understand that she deserves to be loved that way.

"I know you're still going," Shane whispers, voice a roughened purr in Tara's ear. "I just... wanted you to know, okay?"

"Yeah," Tara replies, nuzzling Shane's neck before dropping a soft kiss there. "You know if there were two of me I'd stay, right?"

"Yeah," she murmurs, a faint hint of pain winding through her voice. "But you can't. There's just one of you and somebody else found you first and she's so fucking lucky, Tara."

"She is," Tara replies softly. "I am. We are." She has to try, has to see if Tara Maclay still exists in this universe, but she doesn't want to raise Shane's hopes. "I'll be back in a year though, remember? I'll find a way." A year is a horrifically long time, and it's not much of a comfort - but it's the best she can promise.

"Yeah..." Shane whispers, slowly nodding. "I -- I just... I just wanted you to know... that I understand. That's all."

"Thank you," Tara whispers. There's not much else she can say, recognising how hard it must be for Shane to have this and know that it'll be taken away again in a matter of hours. But... "thank you."

"Thank you, Tara," she whispers back, hand still tenderly smoothing Tara's hair. "For loving me this much... even if... even if I'm not your Shane. I... I've never felt... anything like it."

"You will again," Tara vows softly. She wouldn't know how to love Shane any differently, even if she tried - and she doesn't see why she would try. "You will again, Shane."

"I h -- I hope so," Shane murmurs, breath catching as her eyes sting and fill with tears.

"You will," Tara says again, not willing to even countenance a world where that might not happen. She lifts her head, tongue flicking out gently as she kisses Shane's eyes to remove those tears before they ever stain Shane's cheeks.

"Do you... do you think it'll be you? For me, here, I mean," she asks, dark brows knitting together as she opens her eyes to gaze up at Tara.

"I hope so," Tara says softly, meeting Shane's eyes. "Any world you and I are in together... we belong with one another. I just don't know if I'm here." Now that Shane's brought it up, though... "We can look for me..."

Shane considers it for a moment, licking her lips, and finally, though with visible reluctance, she shakes her head. "It's karmically wrong," she murmurs. "If we're meant to be together, we're meant to be together and you'll find me or -- or I'll find you. I don't know. If... if it's supposed to happen, it will."

The bullet scar at her chest feels as though it's burning, but she can't tell Shane that in this world she's probably dead. She doesn't know that. Maybe in this world, Tara Maclay was strong enough not to go back to Willow just because being alone got to be too hard. Maybe this Tara managed to be strong for a few more days, or a few less, anything that meant she wasn't standing by that window at that moment. "If there's anything I know, Shane McCutcheon," Tara whispers, "it's that you and I are meant to be together."

"I believe you," Shane replies, her tone impossibly soft and gentle, "I do. I just mean... I don't -- I don't wanna push it or ... try to rush things. You know? I know we are... but I just don't wanna jump too soon."

"I know," Tara replies, nuzzling back down into Shane's neck. You're a better woman than I am. "She doesn't know she's looking for you - but she is. The same way you've been looking for her. And now you'll know her, when you see her..."

"Yeah," Shane whispers, a warm smile shaping her lips and lending its sweetness to her words as she nuzzles her cheek against Tara's again. "I will. How -- how old is she -- uh, you... how old are you here? Same?"

"October 16th, 1980," Tara says, unable to resist the smile she hears in Shane's voice, her own forming in response. "So I'd be nearly twenty-six, here. We're the same age."

Shane's smile broadens and lingers until her face starts to ache from it. "Almost," she murmurs.

"I love you," Tara says, knowing she sounds goofy and not caring one whit. She wants to say it, and Shane wants to hear it, and that's all that matters.

"I love you," she whispers, warm amusement coloring her words as she turns her head, pressing a soft kiss to Tara's cheek.

It's that tone, that laughter that underpins Shane's voice without ever bubbling to the surface that makes Tara feel like she's home, because that's just the tone her own Shane so often replies to her in. Raising her head she finds Shane's lips, kissing her as gently as she possibly can, long and lingering and undemanding. Just feeling Shane against her mouth in the way she can still taste her at the back of her throat.

Shane returns the kiss, lips still stubbornly curling up at the corners as she does so, her nose brushing against Tara's. She knows that this doesn't fix everything... she's too much of a pragmatist to believe that, but it's a step in the right direction, at least. Which is something she didn't even have before Tara knocked on their door that afternoon. At the very least, it helps to reassure her that her search, even though it's still on-going, isn't a worthless one...

Gently, reluctantly, Tara starts to slide her fingers out of Shane's body, feeling the loss of that heat keenly. Better to do it now, though, while they're kissing, while the ache will be less.

The ache might be less but the loss of her brings about an ache all its own and Shane whimpers softly into the kiss, brows furrowing as her hand slips down to cradle the back of Tara's neck.

"Do you want me to stay?" Tara whispers, lips brushing over Shane's, knowing the question has so many levels, but trusting Shane to hear the one she can offer.

"Please..." Shane replies softly, nodding, her lips grazing Tara's as she does so, the longing unmistakable in her voice and her eyes.

Nodding in turn, Tara settles her half-withdrawn fingers back into place, resting deeply within Shane, filling and stretching tender muscles. As long as I dare. Part of her wants to ask Shane everything about her life, to find out what happened differently that kept her in West Hollywood rather than sending her to Fandom when she was seventeen, and to tell Shane everything about her own life, in return. Another part, though, just wants to rest in the silence between them, safe and warm and comfortable with one another, as if they've known each other for a dozen years.

"Oh... god..." she whispers, back arching up slightly, deliberately from the bed, eyes fluttering closed as Tara nestles back inside her. It feels right, feels true, in a way that few other things in her life ever, ever have. Deep down, she knows - something, some part of her knows - that Tara is right and that they do belong with each other, even if she'd like to consider herself too realistic for such thoughts. "Thank you, thank you..."

That Shane would thank her for this, of all things, seems at once the oddest thing in the world and the most natural. Odd because it's Tara's pleasure, as much as Shane's - and natural because how can you not thank someone for giving you what you most want? And it's that that makes the same words fall from Tara's lips. "Thank you. God, baby, thank you..."

"Ohh, you feel so good..." Shane breathes softly, hands settling lightly on Tara's shoulders, inner muscles tightening ever so slightly around her fingers as he resettles herself. "So good, Tara..."

Shane feels incredible around her, warmly pulsing velvet, and she can't help but flex her fingers, feeling the tension in the muscles that surround them. How would it be, if she could live here? If this was her world, if the story she'd told Jenny and Shane were true. How would it be different from the life she left behind? How would it change Shane's world, and Jenny's? How would she integrate into Shane's life, how would the fiancee she's just walked away from react to her? She can't stay, won't stay... but she can, and does, wonder.

Shane's own fingers flex as they cup Tara's shoulders, gently gripping and drawing her down, breath and lip feathering against Tara's as she feels that long, steady slide, breath catching as Tara's fingers shift inside her. She has no idea if there's a Tara for her in this universe or how different she might be compared to this woman... perhaps the same, just skewed, much like she is with her own other self. Right now, she's finding it a bit difficult to reconcile that idea... loving someone so much that it quite literally spans universes. She knows that Tara feels that for her, but who knows what the case might be with herself...

It's not the sort of love that can ever really be explained. It just is, simple and pure, a foundation of her universe as much as gravity. Not something she believes, because to believe something implies it requires your belief. This just is. Simple and pure and present. She can't imagine a Shane that she wouldn't love like this. Shane addicted to drugs, Shane tricking on the Boulevard, Shane shut down and hidden deep within herself. She can think of no greater purpose her life could have than to love her wife so deeply and so well that every version of her, in every conceivable alternate dimension, would feel it.

Lifting her head up just a bit from the pillow, Shane presses a soft kiss to Tara's bottom lip, followed by dozens and dozens of others. If she'd felt even half of what Tara makes her feel... if she could have sensed that Carmen cared for her this much then there would have been every chance in the world of saving what they'd had. This is more than she's ever felt, more than she's ever known or had in her life before and perhaps it's best, this way, that Tara's leaving... because she honestly wouldn't know what to do with it all, if Tara was only hers...

Tara leans into that touch, gently lowering Shane's head as she lingers in each kiss, returning as many as she can but eventually just laughing under the seemingly endless shower of them. Her hand lifts to Shane's face, tracing eyebrow, temple and cheek with tender fingers. This Shane smokes more than hers, noticable in the texture of her skin and hair, but she's just as beautiful. She doesn't know how much longer she has, but really, there's no better way to spend it than this.

Feeling as much as hearing Tara's soft laughter, Shane's lips draw back into a soft smile. She won't even think about Tara leaving, won't count the seconds until she's gone... having her here, being with her... she loses herself in that, instead. The precious truth of the moment. Every single second, every kiss, every touch of Tara's hand, is a gift and she will drown herself with them, if only Tara will let her...

Tara will. There's nothing she'd like more than to flood Shane with her love, so that it will sink into every pore, so that for the rest of her life she can't breathe or think or move without remembering that she is loved, and is worthy of love. If she could think of another way of showing Shane, she would do it in a heartbeat. And without understanding the link between one thought and another, that raises a question. "Jenny... what are you going to tell Jenny?"

"That... you decided it was too far to drive to work everyday," Shane murmurs. Even as open-minded as Jenny is, even she would start to seriously question Shane's sanity if she tried to explain to her that it turned out the woman she'd let into the house was her wife in another dimension sent to help her. So, stretched truth, but mundane truth, at least.

"She loves you," Tara murmurs, letting out a breath of laughter at the recognition of their odd circumstance - to be telling Shane another woman loves her while her fingers are still buried in Shane's body. "I don't know if it's... that sort of love. But she does love you. It's in her eyes, in the way she smiles."

"Who, Jenny?" Shane asks, brows furrowing ever so slightly as she looks at Tara, only to let out a very similar chuckle herself half a beat later. "I... I don't know. I mean... she's my best friend. I love her, too."

"Remember that," Tara says, letting the when I leave go unspoken. "She sees what I see." The lingering fear at the pit of her stomach is that after she leaves Shane will think this has all been a dream, and discount it all. If Shane listens to Jenny, though, Tara's sure she'd hear a hundred thousand reasons why she's worthy of all the love in the world - and an unending source of it, platonic though it may be. Geoff looks at Shane that way. She's never had a best friend like that, but she knows the look on others.

Meeting Tara's eyes, Shane nods, her expression calm and oddly solemn as she looks up at her. Having gone without so many things in her life, she long ago learned to appreciate every single thing she has. She'd never take Jenny Schecter's friendship for granted. "I will," she says quietly.

"Thank you," Tara whispers, finding Shane's lips with her own and kissing her, long and soft and lingering, parting her lips to let her tongue drift slowly through Shane's mouth, an unhurried, familiar taste. A soft hum slips out of the corner of her mouth, a sound of pure pleasure as she rocks her hips slightly, for the sheer sake of feeling her skin shift and slide over Shane.

A low appreciative hum sounds in Shane's chest as she returns the kiss, hands gently kneading and caressing Tara's shoulders for a moment before sliding up and into her hair again, tenderly carding through it as they kiss. Tara doesn't hide anything, not a thing from her, even when she's kissing her or making love to her and it's almost as though she knows every move she'll make even before she thinks to make it.

There's no way she can hide the summons when it comes, mid-kiss, the sensation of a bell that's being rung. Soundless vibration courses through her bones, pressing against the backs of her teeth, and it's either her Shane tugging the geis cord or - more likely, given the sensation - the Powers warning her that they're going to pull her away shortly. She's inside a protective circle, but that means little to beings of this level of power, and she can feel the magic shred and disintegrate around her. Her kiss turns fervent, passionate, wanting to embed herself into Shane in these last few moments of opportunity.
[21:20] Shane: Shane can feel something, albeit faintly, as Tara is kissing her and is about to draw back to ask what's happening when Tara's kiss becomes heated. With a soft whimper, Shane kisses back with everything that she is, silently thanking and hoping and loving all at once as she clutches Tara to her.

Gathering all that into herself, Tara almost feels as though they might switch bodies, as though she might pour herself into Shane and receive Shane in return, until she stared out from faded green eyes and sable hair that hangs in her eyes at her own, softer face, surrounded by a nimbus of honeyed blonde. "I love you," she says, breaking the kiss for just long enough to speak. "I love you, Shane," and then her mouth covers Shane's again, her fingers flexing inside Shane's body, wanting to feel her - and to be felt - one last time.

She's not quite sure what it was that Tara had felt, but her instinct tells her that the insistence of Tara's kisses and whispers means that it's nearly time for her to go. "Love you," Shane whispers back, her reply cut off as Tara's mouth descends on hers once more, the movement of Tara's fingers inside her resounding much like the vibration that Tara had felt only moments ago.

She'd call it tingling if it didn't ache so much - like pins and needles, the painful numbness that spreads through a limb that's fallen asleep, only this is her whole body. It starts at her solar plexus, her centre of power and radiates outward, until she can't feel her body... and then there's a yank, a dizzying sensation of falling except it's not down, not sideways, just other. There's no time to say goodbye - kissing was more important, and any words spoken needed to be words of love, far more important than anything more mundane.

One moment, Tara is there with her and then the next moment, she simply isn't... as though she was never there to begin with. The weight, the presence of another person near her is just gone and the suddenness of it is like a physical blow to her entire body, forcing the air from her lungs as she bolts up into a sitting position and casts about. Tara's clothes have vanished, most likely along with the rest of her things - no sign that she was ever there, except for the fact that Shane knows that she was and can, in fact, still taste Tara on her tongue. Sighing, she rakes a hand through her hair as she lays back on the mattress and stares up at the ceiling. The same ceiling she'd been staring at maybe three months ago, with Carmen curled up against her side frustrated and confused, as the weight of her discontent finally settled down on her shoulders. Carmen's long gone and so, now, is Tara and her bed is empty but for herself, just like it had been for all too long.

When Jenny comes home, she tells her that Tara realized that the roundtrip to and from the college every day would be too far to travel and Jenny briefly looks disappointed but with her advance check from the publisher, they don't have to worry about finding a roommate right away. Later on that night, after Jenny has gone to sleep, Shane fishes her shaving kit out of a drawer and pours the contents of each bottle in it down the toilet.

Tara wakes, her arm slung around her wife's waist. She feels exhausted, as if she hadn't gotten any sleep at all... but the dream resounds in her mind, not fading in the light of the morning the way so many do. "I love you," she whispers to her sleeping wife, snuggling back down to hold her.

They'd made a deal, Tara sleeps when Shane sleeps, and she's so very tired. There's no effort at all in closing her eyes again and drifting back into a sleep that is dreamless, this time.