This is worrisome

[bramey]

I knew that our pediatrician is a Christian, and before anyone gets defensive, that does not bother me. Until last week, I adored him. At Samuel's checkup, we were discussing his recent behavior and how he is so frequently contrary and defiant

Comments

[livingslowly]

Oh man, I don't think I could stay with that ped. I just don't agree with that type of parenting at all. I guess you can shop around and if you can't find a better ped. stay with him but let him know you don't agree with his parenting/religious views and you'd rather not discuss those topics at your appointments.

[bramey]

Samuel is in what is likely the first of many difficult stages, and the adults in the house (all four of us!) are trying to figure out how best to help him through it. We would never in a million years turn to ritualized beatings. It wouldn't even cross our minds!

I've struck Samuel on the behind in the moment of misbehavior and know it doesn't work. It makes me feel terrible, it makes him feel terrible, and oh look! It doesn't alter his behavior!

I need a different solution, and am working on it, but of course whatever we come up with, we have to be consistent between all four of us.

You and some other friends are great models... if only we could have a little conference together!

It always come back to me wishing I could be home with them. Somehow I feel I could do better if I wasn't trying to parent while under the added stress of my job.

[mysterygal11]

I have only two parenting books that I sometimes refer to and kind of like: "Smart Love" by Pieper and Pieper, and "Living With the Active Alert Child" by Linda Budd (must warn you that Budd's writing leaves something to be desired, but the message is thought-provoking and definitely geared towards guiding children who are energetic and intense). Both emphasize how to handle age-appropriate behaviors in a creative way. Not surprisingly, these are waaaaaay at the other end of the spectrum from to Dobson's message.

I love our ped, but last year he told us the only way we would ever get Sam to sleep well is to let him cry it out. We agreed to disagree on that... We tried CIO and it was hopeless in the long run. If he brought religion into it - which I suppose is possible, given that we live in the Bible belt - I don't know what I would do, because I really don't want that to be a part of my parenting. At all.

[bramey]

I'll look at those titles, thank you.

I didn't like by-the-book pregnancies and don't plan to be a by-the-book (any book) parent, but ideas are a good thing. I'm lookin' for ideas!

[mysterygal11]

Me too! My main parenting strategy right now is to pick my battles and follow through on the battles I pick. It is working reasonably well at this point, but I can tell we're going to be getting into new territory soon. I might need to get more creative.

[bramey]

Oh goody! Paperbackswap.com has Smart Love available!

Oh how I love PBS!

I'll check the bookstore for the Budd title.

Evil children

[platofish]

Wow. I'm stunned that a) a pediatrician would hold such opinons, and b) he would express them to a patient.

That said, I'd have a tendency to go with the majority. If this guy is a good medic, keep him. If he is 'average' then its not with overlooking some aspects to his psyche that make you uncomfortable.

Re: Evil children

[bramey]

It's a very strange thing to say, since I've seen him with my babies, dandling them on his knee, giving them kisses, shaking hands with "I'm a Big Boy!" Samuel. I'm not sure I've met anyone who was truly evil, but if I did, I probably wouldn't dandle them on my knee and kiss them.

So far, I've been pleased with him in all other respects. Super-secret probation it is, then.

[shebear]

I think I agree with most people who've commented as well. I'd probably just avoid talking about parenting ... which might be a problem if you ever do want to talk to him about behavioral issues. (I can remember a couple of times bringing up stuff like that with the pediatrician. Kind of like "do you see this a lot with other kids? How do people handle it?")

It reminds me of Jacob bringing home a crossword puzzle from catechism and asking me for help with "In God's eyes, we are all ______." I thought, "innocent?" "children?" Nope - "sinners." Well, then.

[bramey]

Way to make a kid feel good about himself, eh? Start him out in life thinking he's already on the way to hell.

[travellight]

My knee-jerk reaction to this is that you should fire him, because I refuse to see doctors who are anti-choice.

But it's different when you're looking for a doctor for someone who can't choose one for himself, I imagine.

Philosophically, though, should the worst thing come to pass and your child end up in a bad way, you don't want to end up in a battle royale over how your child will be treated medically because of religious differences, nor do you want your pediatrician passing judgment on your parenting based on his religious thinking.

On the other hand, if he's an excellent doctor and your kids love and trust him, I'd be loathe to separate them, because he might one day save their lives, and he is very likely objective in his thinking.

On balance, I think I'd ask him to keep his religious views to himself, and put him on secret probation, like you mentioned before.