(no subject)
so right now, i'm suffering from the standard guy dillemma of being interested in too many girls at once. and of course, i'm sure none of them are interested in me. had a long conversation about women tonight after poker.
me and zac and binkley sat around for about 3 hours talking about old girlfriends, old makeout buddies, etc. compared to them, im a virgin, heh... so i feel all wonderful and innocent again. but anyway, it was just kind of a nice conversation, and helped me decide what i want to do with my love life in the next weeks and months. i'd said in a previous post that i wanted to wait for a girl to ask me out before i date again, and of course, that didnt work. i asked amy out a few days after that, and we had lunch right before she left for vegas. i hope she comes back not attached to justin (her 2 year ex/best friend, whose family invited her along). but anyway, even if she does, ive decided im not going to sit around waiting. if i dont kiss at least one girl in the next 2 weeks, i'll be disappointed in myself. not that kissing is my primary goal... i just NEED to kiss a girl right now. rather, i need to make out. i need to be able to kiss for like 3 hours and just let life slip away for a bit, you know? been awhile since i kissed anyone... especially been awhile since i kissed a great kisser. makes me kinda miss ashley, haha.
so yeah, its funny. trying to date amy is like giving it one last shot before i give up on her. i KNOW she thinks i'm hot... and basically, i think she's fun to hang out with. which makes her dateable, despite what my ex roommate has said about her as a romantic interest. oh well, his loss, my gain, if anything happens. as far as the other 2 (maybe 3 :) ) girls im interested in... too many people read this that know the girls involved, so for the time being, i'll just keep the info to myself. carianne and i talked about my lovelife at length the other night, and it was a very enlightening conversation. i guess if i right now she came to me and said she was finally over her anti-relationship crap and wanted to date me, i'd drop anything else i had going to try it out. just an amazing chick. then again, im kinda surrounded by awesome girls lately. sadly, it seems like none of them see me as quite so amazing =). but hey, have i ever REALLY been comfortable with the idea of actually being with someone? i mean, i definitely am not 'happier' when i'm crazy about a girl i can never have, but its definitely a comfortable feeling for me. i basically spent all of high school infatuated with one girl (who is still one of the most incredible girls ive met, and it makes me so happy for her that she's married to a guy who seems just as great), and in college, ive had small crushes on various girls to tide me through my 4 years. first heather, then bridget, then heather again freshman year... then lanier off and on sophomore year, and andrea, renee, carianne, ashley, and mayfray. and now lori, i guess.
which brings up more food for thought. why lori? what is it about her that i keep waiting around for? when i try to look at the situation objectively (and with carianne's help, hehe), i just dont get it. one of those mysteries of human attraction i guess. she's got such amazing things about her that i am crazy about: her energy, her beauty, her raw emotional nature. but with that come the bad things; she plays stupid games, one boy off the other. i know she's called me several times just because she's had billy nearby and he's fucked something up and pissed her off, just to make him jealous (or at least try to make him jealous). and its a shame that shes just a typical girl; she uses a guy that cares about her when she feels upset, and then goes back to the one who's 'more fun' (ie: richer) when she's happy again. oh well, like every guy on the friends ladder... you just have to resign yourself to defeat at some point. that point hasnt arrived quite yet, even though i've told myself it has several times. but if things start working out with someone else, she'll just be part of a memory of a few great days during the worst time of my life. and if any girl could ask for anything better, i don't know what else i could offer but to remember them forever as one small bright spot on the darkest period of my life. even if it never really materialized, just hanging out with her for a few days was enough to get me out of it. and i hope she's happier now too... her life wasnt exactly easy then. hopefully she'll find a guy that she's interested in that wants to be there for her when she's upset, doesnt seem like she has that now. someone should just slap her boyfriend and tell him all he needs to do is just hug her and tell her life is going to be fine every now and then. its all any of us really need, isnt it?
long long entry... tired now.
me and zac and binkley sat around for about 3 hours talking about old girlfriends, old makeout buddies, etc. compared to them, im a virgin, heh... so i feel all wonderful and innocent again. but anyway, it was just kind of a nice conversation, and helped me decide what i want to do with my love life in the next weeks and months. i'd said in a previous post that i wanted to wait for a girl to ask me out before i date again, and of course, that didnt work. i asked amy out a few days after that, and we had lunch right before she left for vegas. i hope she comes back not attached to justin (her 2 year ex/best friend, whose family invited her along). but anyway, even if she does, ive decided im not going to sit around waiting. if i dont kiss at least one girl in the next 2 weeks, i'll be disappointed in myself. not that kissing is my primary goal... i just NEED to kiss a girl right now. rather, i need to make out. i need to be able to kiss for like 3 hours and just let life slip away for a bit, you know? been awhile since i kissed anyone... especially been awhile since i kissed a great kisser. makes me kinda miss ashley, haha.
so yeah, its funny. trying to date amy is like giving it one last shot before i give up on her. i KNOW she thinks i'm hot... and basically, i think she's fun to hang out with. which makes her dateable, despite what my ex roommate has said about her as a romantic interest. oh well, his loss, my gain, if anything happens. as far as the other 2 (maybe 3 :) ) girls im interested in... too many people read this that know the girls involved, so for the time being, i'll just keep the info to myself. carianne and i talked about my lovelife at length the other night, and it was a very enlightening conversation. i guess if i right now she came to me and said she was finally over her anti-relationship crap and wanted to date me, i'd drop anything else i had going to try it out. just an amazing chick. then again, im kinda surrounded by awesome girls lately. sadly, it seems like none of them see me as quite so amazing =). but hey, have i ever REALLY been comfortable with the idea of actually being with someone? i mean, i definitely am not 'happier' when i'm crazy about a girl i can never have, but its definitely a comfortable feeling for me. i basically spent all of high school infatuated with one girl (who is still one of the most incredible girls ive met, and it makes me so happy for her that she's married to a guy who seems just as great), and in college, ive had small crushes on various girls to tide me through my 4 years. first heather, then bridget, then heather again freshman year... then lanier off and on sophomore year, and andrea, renee, carianne, ashley, and mayfray. and now lori, i guess.
which brings up more food for thought. why lori? what is it about her that i keep waiting around for? when i try to look at the situation objectively (and with carianne's help, hehe), i just dont get it. one of those mysteries of human attraction i guess. she's got such amazing things about her that i am crazy about: her energy, her beauty, her raw emotional nature. but with that come the bad things; she plays stupid games, one boy off the other. i know she's called me several times just because she's had billy nearby and he's fucked something up and pissed her off, just to make him jealous (or at least try to make him jealous). and its a shame that shes just a typical girl; she uses a guy that cares about her when she feels upset, and then goes back to the one who's 'more fun' (ie: richer) when she's happy again. oh well, like every guy on the friends ladder... you just have to resign yourself to defeat at some point. that point hasnt arrived quite yet, even though i've told myself it has several times. but if things start working out with someone else, she'll just be part of a memory of a few great days during the worst time of my life. and if any girl could ask for anything better, i don't know what else i could offer but to remember them forever as one small bright spot on the darkest period of my life. even if it never really materialized, just hanging out with her for a few days was enough to get me out of it. and i hope she's happier now too... her life wasnt exactly easy then. hopefully she'll find a guy that she's interested in that wants to be there for her when she's upset, doesnt seem like she has that now. someone should just slap her boyfriend and tell him all he needs to do is just hug her and tell her life is going to be fine every now and then. its all any of us really need, isnt it?
long long entry... tired now.