I don't think there's anyone living who warrants a fan letter from me, so I'm writing to my favorite director.Dear Mr. Hitchcock ( Read more... )

Charles and Valerie Breskin are my parents. They're decent, hardworking people, and they have a lot of money because of all that hard work. They live in Malibu, they raised me and my siblings to share their values and know the satisfaction of earning a good living so we wouldn't turn out like all their neighbors' spoiled rich brats. My older ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

If you ask the girls I've hooked up with, they're all going to tell you that my biggest mistake was being an asshole and ignoring them after we did the deed. I'd have to correct them. A one night stand is not the same as a relationship. It's just something to pass the time in a way that feels really, really good ( Read more... )

I haven't been to a party since December 31st. That was my birthday. I'd had a combination birthday-New Year's Eve thing, invited everyone I knew over to the house and wasn't surprised that my friends had brought along a lot of people I didn't know ( Read more... )

When she was a kid, my sister Hannah had this stupid collection of ceramic figurines. There were kittens, birds, flowers, puppies, angels, all the shit that girls like. Anyway, she loved those things and Mom let her keep them on display in a cabinet in the living room. One day, when I was 15, my brother David and I had been left in charge of the ( Read more... )

It's been two and a half months since my Big Change, so it's been easy for me to go along as if nothing's changed. Seriously, I've always been a night owl, being a dick is nothing new, and I never ate all that much before. So I have a liquid diet now, and, ooh, I'm evil. Who gives a shit ( Read more... )

Gimme a break. If you get disappointed by something, it's your own fucking fault for getting emotionally invested. Just grow a pair and figure out that life sucks. If it didn't, we'd be living in a goddamn Disney movie, and who the hell wants that? Nobody over the age of four, that's who ( Read more... )

I don't impress easily when it comes to my intended profession. You've got to be pretty damned accomplished to even make me give a shit about who you are. So when one of the most powerful agents in Hollywood gives me free advice, you bet your ass I'm taking it ( Read more... )

If you'd have asked me this last year, I would have said no. All that spooky, paranormal crap was just that. Crap. I was the annoying guy who wanted empirical evidence for everything or else I'd dismiss it as nothing more than a fairy tale. I'd do the ouija board with my friends and push the planchette around so I could scare the shit out of ( Read more... )