Intoxicated Needs
I don't know what I'm doing, really.
---
“Get up, I’m taking you home.”
That voice wasn’t Teddy’s…
Chaerin lifted her head up off the bar counter and blinked in confusion at the man standing in front of her.
“Tabi-oppa?”
---
When she’d arrived at the bar, the only thought on her mind was to drink until she passed out. Not wise, and not well thought out, but what else was new?
It was around 2am when the bartender cut her off and took her car keys. She had a little fight with him before giving up and calling up Teddy.
She couldn’t remember what she had said, except that half way along in it she’d started crying and begging him to come take her home.
Home. Home. She’d let the phone drop and cried openly, letting the bartender reach over the counter to pat her arm soothingly.
---
It was obvious now that she hadn’t called Teddy. She’d called Tabi.
Choi Seunghyun.
T.O.P.
At 2 in the morning. Drunk. And sobbing.
If she had been able to string her thoughts together coherently, she would’ve been embarrassed.
Instead, she started crying again at the sight of Tabi’s white hair in the dim light and his strict expression.
---
She was still crying, loud broken sobs that wracked her body, when he’d scooped her up into his arms. She was still sniffling when he was taking her out ot the car where the driver was waiting.
Setting her down in the back seat, he slipped in next to her and settled her head against his lap.
Tabi frowned when he realized she’d cried herself to sleep.
---
Taking her back to the dorms was out of the question. He didn’t know if this was the first time this had happened, but he didn’t want to have to explain to reporters why he was seen carrying the leader of 2NE1 in his arms at 3 in the morning.
Once the driver reached his villa, he picked the girl up in his arms once more and carried her back into the house.
Setting her on his bed, he tucked her in and put a bucket next to the bed.
Seunghyun fell asleep on the couch in the corner of the room.
---
Chaerin woke up and was confused as to when Teddy-oppa had renovated his guest room.
The confusion was quickly replaced with nausea as she rolled over to get to her feet. Conveniently, for once, Teddy had left a bucket by the bed and she dropped to her knees, throwing up into the bucket.
Wretching painfully because she hadn’t eaten anything before drinking herself to pass out, she continued to throw up before pulling back to collapse on the floor next to the bucket, spent.
“Nice.”
Chaerin froze, not recognizing the voice at first - only knowing it wasn’t Teddy’s. Or Jiyong’s.
Pushing herself up and looking towards the direction of the voice, Chaerin was taken by another wave of nausea as she saw whose house it was she was in.
She promptly leaned over and puked into the bucket again.
---
“Chaerin…?” After a couple moments of throwing up what seemed just like acid into the bucket Chaerin found herself curled up on the floor and clutching her stomach.
“O-Oppa…What happened?”
A pause.
“TOP and Teddy must be close to each other on your contact list.”
Ah.
Chaerin felt her cheeks heat up with mortification. The only one to ever see her like this before was Teddy.
“Sorry.”
Sorry wasn’t enough, but she didn’t know what else she could really say.
“…It’s fine.”
---
He helped her back into bed after they were both sure she wouldn’t throw up again and Chaerin couldn’t rid herself of the feeling of his hands gently but firmly gripping her arms.
“Thank you.” Chaerin mumbled, not looking up at the older rapper, still embarrassed.
“It’s fine.”
“No…really.. For..”
“I know. Rest. I’ll get the maid to make some coffee.”
And he left the room for what, Chaerin didn’t know, was the first time all night.
The sheets smelled just like him.
---
When she woke up, she felt remarkably better. Sitting up and rubbing at her eyes, Chaerin sighed softly. She glanced over at the dresser and spotted the cup of coffee.
Getting out of bed, Chaerin noted that the bucket had been cleaned. Or replaced. Looking around and wondering where Tabi had gone, Chaerin stumbled over to the dresser and leaned against it.
She picked up the coffee and took a sip, smiling a little because it had gone cold.
“Oh, you’re awake..” Chaerin’s head snapped up to see the other man in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
“Thank you for the coffee.. I should go.” Chaerin set the cup back down and bowed before straightening up. She blinked as Tabi stepped back in, shaking his head.
“Not yet. You have some explaining to do.”
---
Want to go home want to go home I miss not doing this I want to do nothing so tired why can’t I sleep I need to sleep no schedules tomorrow maybe I should where is oh they’re sleeping wanna go home why am I not home where are my shoes where’s my purse where’s yeah I have enough money want to sleep where’s the bar take me to the nearest bar no I’m not CL you don’t know me I don’t look familiar just leave me alone please stop talking no more talking just drink drink drink drink drink Teddy why won’t they let me drink more I’m so sleepy you can’t know how tired I am Teddy oppa where are you so tired -
---
“There’s nothing to explain.” Chaerin stated, shaking the thoughts out of her head.
“Nothing to explain?” Tabi almost sounded annoyed. “No reason as to why you went to the bar at god knows what time and got so drunk all you could do was cry and-“
“Please, oppa. I need to go…home.”
“You owe me something more than that.” The older man’s toen was sharp now, stern. Pressing.
“I told you I was sorry… You didn’t have to come pick me up and..”
“But I did. Why were you drinking? Alone? That much?”
Chaerin clenched her fists, annoyed as well now.
“That’s none of your business. I’ll pay you for whatever-“
“Lee Chaerin.”
A pause, and the breath was knocked out of her at the way he spoke her name. Chaerin brought her hands up to press her palms to her eyes, taking in a shaky breath.
She felt what was left of her composure breaking.
“Please…” Chaerin lowered her hands and started at the other man, pleadingly.
He said nothing and she took the opportunity to walk past him. He grabbed her arm, stopping her but only to let go after a split second.
She ran out of that place as quick as she could.
---
She had a lot of explaining to do when she got back to the dorm.
But it was easier with the girls. They never actually witnessed her break down.
---
Jiyong called, and for a frightful second she was certain she’d been sold out.
He wanted to know if she had one of his belts.
She did.
---
Teddy called and asked her where she had been the night before. He was worried, and she could hear it in his voice.
Apparently Bom had called him, upset that morning.
She told him she went out for a walk.
---
The phone rang once more just as she pulled the sheets over her and she picked up the phone, not checking who it was.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?”
Tabi.
“I’m at home…”
She heard a soft sigh on the other line.
“Ah… That’s.. That’s good.”
“Neh. I’m going to go to sleep now…oppa.”
“Good night, Chae.”
She hung up and tried to figure out why her heart was beating so fast.
---
He called the next night too.
---
And the night after that.
---
They shared a look whenever they were together in groups.
As if silently ascertaining each other’s wellbeing.
Her wellbeing.
---
He called her at 3am a couple weeks after, words slurred.
She went to pick him up.
She called for his driver and had some help from the driver to carry the other man into his own house.
She fell asleep on the floor, leaning against the couch in which she’d managed to get Tabi into.
They never talked about it and he sent for his driver to take her back to the dorms.
---
Tabi drank just as often as she did, and just as much, Chaerin soon realized.
Just not as recklessly.
The next time she was at the bar alone, she dialed his number intentionally.
---
“This is unhealthy.” Tabi spoke form where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. His guest room seemed like a second home to her now.
Chaerin didn’t know how drunk she was, except that it obviously wasn’t enough because she was still awake.
“Dun lecture..”
“I care.” Tabi spoke softly, lowly.
Chaerin couldn’t get her head around that and just closed her eyes.
She fell asleep eventually, with Tabi still seated on the edge of the bed.
---
“Ever going to tell me why you drink so much?”
“You ever going to tell me?”
“I’m not like you.”
Their eyes met.
“You almost are.”
He had nothing to say to that.
---
“Are you sad?” Chaerin asked one day, sitting on the floor of the practice room next to the other man.
“No.”
A pause, and Chaerin admired the patterns on the floor tiles.
“Are you?” He asked.
“No.”
---
Seunghyun had a bad feeling when the phone rang that night.
He picked it up, sleeping disappearing at the thought of where Chaerin might be, as it usually did nowadays, and held it to his ear.
“Hello?”
“Are you sad?” came the immediate question, and Tabi took note of the fact that Chaerin’s words weren’t slurred. In fact, she sounded completely sober, but there was a lot of background noise.
“Where are you?”
“Answer me.”
He heard her swallow hard, and got to his feet, panic lacing his veins.
“Are you at the bar?”
“No. A-Are you sad?” She was choking up. She was crying. Where was she?
“Where are you, Chaerin?”
The sound of a dial tone.
---
He got into the car and started it up, ignoring the fact that he had no license, all the while continuing to call the other girl.
She didn’t pick up.
---
He was pulling up by the bar she was usually at when the phone rang. Fumbling with his phone, he picked up.
“Chae!”
“T-Tabi-oppa…” Her voice was hoarse.
“Where are you?”
“I’m sad.”
Tabi didn’t know how to reply.
“I know.”
---
She told him where she was before hanging up.
It frightened her to admit what she just had.
She waited.
---
“Get off the railing.”
“I’m not going to jump.”
He didn’t believe her.
She’d given him no reason to.
---
Her wrist still hurt from how tightly he’d gripped onto it when he pulled her off the bridge railing and into his arms.
Her heart still heart from the pain in his voice when he murmured softly against her hair,
“I’m sad too.”
---
They drove back to his place, saying nothing the entire way.
---
“Why am I here?” Chaerin asked. She wasn’t drunk.
“I don’t want to leave you alone.”
Chaerin stared at Tabi before looking back at the front door.
“You don’t want to be alone either, do you?”
He said nothing.
---
They lay in the same bed that night.
Tabi held her hand.
He was still holding her hand when she woke up.
---
“You’re not going to the bar again.”
Chaerin said nothing, simply staring at the ceiling.
They’d both been awake for the past 20 minutes, but neither had moved. Tabi was still holding her hand, running his thumb lightly over the back of her hand.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” She didn’t reply, just letting the way his deep voice washed over her with concern, with authority.
“Okay.”
They lay like that for most of the morning.
---
When he called her, he wasn’t at the bar. He was at home, and all he said was for her to come over.
When she arrived, he opened the door and pulled her in.
Lips on lips, she tasted the alcohol on his breath and didn’t fight it as he pushed her up against the wall, slipping a hand up her shirt and pressing himself to her.
Rather, she clung to him, trying to kiss him back just as hard and sliding her tongue against his.
She was tugging at his shirt when he pulled away, breaking apart and breaking the kiss. He stared at her for a moment and Chaerin panted, trying to catch her breath.
“That wasn’t..”
“I need a drink.”
Tabi got her a glass of the strongest stuff he had.
---
When they kissed again, it was soft, clumsy, a little messy but tender. Not as wanting, but more needy.
They needed each other.
Thoughts and feelings completely intoxicated, they kissed and kissed and kissed and only broke apart when they needed to breathe.
---
“I’m sad.” Chaerin repeated, softly, curled up to Tabi’s bare chest.
His arms were around her, holding her close, holding her tight.
“I know.”
“You’re sad too.”
“I know.”
She yawned, sleepy, thoughts still hazy from the alcohol.
“Maybe…if we’re together…we can be…happy.”
A low chuckle.
“Or we’d just be sad together.”
“It’s hard to be sad if you’re not alone.”
---
“Get up, I’m taking you home.”
That voice wasn’t Teddy’s…
Chaerin lifted her head up off the bar counter and blinked in confusion at the man standing in front of her.
“Tabi-oppa?”
---
When she’d arrived at the bar, the only thought on her mind was to drink until she passed out. Not wise, and not well thought out, but what else was new?
It was around 2am when the bartender cut her off and took her car keys. She had a little fight with him before giving up and calling up Teddy.
She couldn’t remember what she had said, except that half way along in it she’d started crying and begging him to come take her home.
Home. Home. She’d let the phone drop and cried openly, letting the bartender reach over the counter to pat her arm soothingly.
---
It was obvious now that she hadn’t called Teddy. She’d called Tabi.
Choi Seunghyun.
T.O.P.
At 2 in the morning. Drunk. And sobbing.
If she had been able to string her thoughts together coherently, she would’ve been embarrassed.
Instead, she started crying again at the sight of Tabi’s white hair in the dim light and his strict expression.
---
She was still crying, loud broken sobs that wracked her body, when he’d scooped her up into his arms. She was still sniffling when he was taking her out ot the car where the driver was waiting.
Setting her down in the back seat, he slipped in next to her and settled her head against his lap.
Tabi frowned when he realized she’d cried herself to sleep.
---
Taking her back to the dorms was out of the question. He didn’t know if this was the first time this had happened, but he didn’t want to have to explain to reporters why he was seen carrying the leader of 2NE1 in his arms at 3 in the morning.
Once the driver reached his villa, he picked the girl up in his arms once more and carried her back into the house.
Setting her on his bed, he tucked her in and put a bucket next to the bed.
Seunghyun fell asleep on the couch in the corner of the room.
---
Chaerin woke up and was confused as to when Teddy-oppa had renovated his guest room.
The confusion was quickly replaced with nausea as she rolled over to get to her feet. Conveniently, for once, Teddy had left a bucket by the bed and she dropped to her knees, throwing up into the bucket.
Wretching painfully because she hadn’t eaten anything before drinking herself to pass out, she continued to throw up before pulling back to collapse on the floor next to the bucket, spent.
“Nice.”
Chaerin froze, not recognizing the voice at first - only knowing it wasn’t Teddy’s. Or Jiyong’s.
Pushing herself up and looking towards the direction of the voice, Chaerin was taken by another wave of nausea as she saw whose house it was she was in.
She promptly leaned over and puked into the bucket again.
---
“Chaerin…?” After a couple moments of throwing up what seemed just like acid into the bucket Chaerin found herself curled up on the floor and clutching her stomach.
“O-Oppa…What happened?”
A pause.
“TOP and Teddy must be close to each other on your contact list.”
Ah.
Chaerin felt her cheeks heat up with mortification. The only one to ever see her like this before was Teddy.
“Sorry.”
Sorry wasn’t enough, but she didn’t know what else she could really say.
“…It’s fine.”
---
He helped her back into bed after they were both sure she wouldn’t throw up again and Chaerin couldn’t rid herself of the feeling of his hands gently but firmly gripping her arms.
“Thank you.” Chaerin mumbled, not looking up at the older rapper, still embarrassed.
“It’s fine.”
“No…really.. For..”
“I know. Rest. I’ll get the maid to make some coffee.”
And he left the room for what, Chaerin didn’t know, was the first time all night.
The sheets smelled just like him.
---
When she woke up, she felt remarkably better. Sitting up and rubbing at her eyes, Chaerin sighed softly. She glanced over at the dresser and spotted the cup of coffee.
Getting out of bed, Chaerin noted that the bucket had been cleaned. Or replaced. Looking around and wondering where Tabi had gone, Chaerin stumbled over to the dresser and leaned against it.
She picked up the coffee and took a sip, smiling a little because it had gone cold.
“Oh, you’re awake..” Chaerin’s head snapped up to see the other man in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
“Thank you for the coffee.. I should go.” Chaerin set the cup back down and bowed before straightening up. She blinked as Tabi stepped back in, shaking his head.
“Not yet. You have some explaining to do.”
---
Want to go home want to go home I miss not doing this I want to do nothing so tired why can’t I sleep I need to sleep no schedules tomorrow maybe I should where is oh they’re sleeping wanna go home why am I not home where are my shoes where’s my purse where’s yeah I have enough money want to sleep where’s the bar take me to the nearest bar no I’m not CL you don’t know me I don’t look familiar just leave me alone please stop talking no more talking just drink drink drink drink drink Teddy why won’t they let me drink more I’m so sleepy you can’t know how tired I am Teddy oppa where are you so tired -
---
“There’s nothing to explain.” Chaerin stated, shaking the thoughts out of her head.
“Nothing to explain?” Tabi almost sounded annoyed. “No reason as to why you went to the bar at god knows what time and got so drunk all you could do was cry and-“
“Please, oppa. I need to go…home.”
“You owe me something more than that.” The older man’s toen was sharp now, stern. Pressing.
“I told you I was sorry… You didn’t have to come pick me up and..”
“But I did. Why were you drinking? Alone? That much?”
Chaerin clenched her fists, annoyed as well now.
“That’s none of your business. I’ll pay you for whatever-“
“Lee Chaerin.”
A pause, and the breath was knocked out of her at the way he spoke her name. Chaerin brought her hands up to press her palms to her eyes, taking in a shaky breath.
She felt what was left of her composure breaking.
“Please…” Chaerin lowered her hands and started at the other man, pleadingly.
He said nothing and she took the opportunity to walk past him. He grabbed her arm, stopping her but only to let go after a split second.
She ran out of that place as quick as she could.
---
She had a lot of explaining to do when she got back to the dorm.
But it was easier with the girls. They never actually witnessed her break down.
---
Jiyong called, and for a frightful second she was certain she’d been sold out.
He wanted to know if she had one of his belts.
She did.
---
Teddy called and asked her where she had been the night before. He was worried, and she could hear it in his voice.
Apparently Bom had called him, upset that morning.
She told him she went out for a walk.
---
The phone rang once more just as she pulled the sheets over her and she picked up the phone, not checking who it was.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?”
Tabi.
“I’m at home…”
She heard a soft sigh on the other line.
“Ah… That’s.. That’s good.”
“Neh. I’m going to go to sleep now…oppa.”
“Good night, Chae.”
She hung up and tried to figure out why her heart was beating so fast.
---
He called the next night too.
---
And the night after that.
---
They shared a look whenever they were together in groups.
As if silently ascertaining each other’s wellbeing.
Her wellbeing.
---
He called her at 3am a couple weeks after, words slurred.
She went to pick him up.
She called for his driver and had some help from the driver to carry the other man into his own house.
She fell asleep on the floor, leaning against the couch in which she’d managed to get Tabi into.
They never talked about it and he sent for his driver to take her back to the dorms.
---
Tabi drank just as often as she did, and just as much, Chaerin soon realized.
Just not as recklessly.
The next time she was at the bar alone, she dialed his number intentionally.
---
“This is unhealthy.” Tabi spoke form where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. His guest room seemed like a second home to her now.
Chaerin didn’t know how drunk she was, except that it obviously wasn’t enough because she was still awake.
“Dun lecture..”
“I care.” Tabi spoke softly, lowly.
Chaerin couldn’t get her head around that and just closed her eyes.
She fell asleep eventually, with Tabi still seated on the edge of the bed.
---
“Ever going to tell me why you drink so much?”
“You ever going to tell me?”
“I’m not like you.”
Their eyes met.
“You almost are.”
He had nothing to say to that.
---
“Are you sad?” Chaerin asked one day, sitting on the floor of the practice room next to the other man.
“No.”
A pause, and Chaerin admired the patterns on the floor tiles.
“Are you?” He asked.
“No.”
---
Seunghyun had a bad feeling when the phone rang that night.
He picked it up, sleeping disappearing at the thought of where Chaerin might be, as it usually did nowadays, and held it to his ear.
“Hello?”
“Are you sad?” came the immediate question, and Tabi took note of the fact that Chaerin’s words weren’t slurred. In fact, she sounded completely sober, but there was a lot of background noise.
“Where are you?”
“Answer me.”
He heard her swallow hard, and got to his feet, panic lacing his veins.
“Are you at the bar?”
“No. A-Are you sad?” She was choking up. She was crying. Where was she?
“Where are you, Chaerin?”
The sound of a dial tone.
---
He got into the car and started it up, ignoring the fact that he had no license, all the while continuing to call the other girl.
She didn’t pick up.
---
He was pulling up by the bar she was usually at when the phone rang. Fumbling with his phone, he picked up.
“Chae!”
“T-Tabi-oppa…” Her voice was hoarse.
“Where are you?”
“I’m sad.”
Tabi didn’t know how to reply.
“I know.”
---
She told him where she was before hanging up.
It frightened her to admit what she just had.
She waited.
---
“Get off the railing.”
“I’m not going to jump.”
He didn’t believe her.
She’d given him no reason to.
---
Her wrist still hurt from how tightly he’d gripped onto it when he pulled her off the bridge railing and into his arms.
Her heart still heart from the pain in his voice when he murmured softly against her hair,
“I’m sad too.”
---
They drove back to his place, saying nothing the entire way.
---
“Why am I here?” Chaerin asked. She wasn’t drunk.
“I don’t want to leave you alone.”
Chaerin stared at Tabi before looking back at the front door.
“You don’t want to be alone either, do you?”
He said nothing.
---
They lay in the same bed that night.
Tabi held her hand.
He was still holding her hand when she woke up.
---
“You’re not going to the bar again.”
Chaerin said nothing, simply staring at the ceiling.
They’d both been awake for the past 20 minutes, but neither had moved. Tabi was still holding her hand, running his thumb lightly over the back of her hand.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” She didn’t reply, just letting the way his deep voice washed over her with concern, with authority.
“Okay.”
They lay like that for most of the morning.
---
When he called her, he wasn’t at the bar. He was at home, and all he said was for her to come over.
When she arrived, he opened the door and pulled her in.
Lips on lips, she tasted the alcohol on his breath and didn’t fight it as he pushed her up against the wall, slipping a hand up her shirt and pressing himself to her.
Rather, she clung to him, trying to kiss him back just as hard and sliding her tongue against his.
She was tugging at his shirt when he pulled away, breaking apart and breaking the kiss. He stared at her for a moment and Chaerin panted, trying to catch her breath.
“That wasn’t..”
“I need a drink.”
Tabi got her a glass of the strongest stuff he had.
---
When they kissed again, it was soft, clumsy, a little messy but tender. Not as wanting, but more needy.
They needed each other.
Thoughts and feelings completely intoxicated, they kissed and kissed and kissed and only broke apart when they needed to breathe.
---
“I’m sad.” Chaerin repeated, softly, curled up to Tabi’s bare chest.
His arms were around her, holding her close, holding her tight.
“I know.”
“You’re sad too.”
“I know.”
She yawned, sleepy, thoughts still hazy from the alcohol.
“Maybe…if we’re together…we can be…happy.”
A low chuckle.
“Or we’d just be sad together.”
“It’s hard to be sad if you’re not alone.”