Walking
Title: Walking
Chapter: 2/3
Paring: Adam/Kris
Summary: AU. Adam has a secret and Kris might be the only one able to get it out of him.
Disclaimer: Lies based on real people. Like Star magazine, only with people you care about.
A/N: My birthday gift to
artchess. She asked for some angst and I rushed to the challenge.
Part Two
“What is this place?” Adam asked looking around the dark room of the worn down building.
“My family’s old barn. We use to store equipment in here, but my dad let me have it when I started the ninth grade. He said that ‘a man needs to have space that he can call his own to run away to.’” Kris blindly reached for the light switch and turned it on to reveal a small cot with a guitar resting next to it. “I like to keep it simple.”
“Looks like it.” Adam’s eyes were drawn to the guitar next to the bed. “You play?”
“Yeah. My mother started giving me piano lessons when I was five but I needed something a little more portable to write songs with. I taught myself guitar a couple of years ago.” Walking over to the cot, Kris picked up the guitar and started absently strumming it. “I wouldn’t say that I’m the best at any of it, but it is a nice way to get things out of my head.”
“My brother can play piano but I never clicked with any instrument. I was more concerned about focusing on my singing and figured an instrument would take away from my focus.” Adam leaned back against a support beam. “I admire people that can play.”
“I could teach you.” Kris sat down smiling and motioned for Adam to join him.
“I’m not staying, Kris.” Walking towards the cot, Adam kept his eyes down to avoid Kris’s stare. “You don’t have time to teach me.”
Kris stopped strumming his guitar and looked over to Adam as he sat down next to him. Deciding to be direct, Kris waited for Adam to look back before asking, “What are you running from?”
“We are all running, Kris.” Motioning around the large space, Adam gave a small laugh. “Even you. I’m just running to a place further away than down the road.”
“I’m not running from my family. I’m not running from my life. I’m just using this as a quiet place to sort out all the thoughts running through my head.” Kris put the guitar back in its spot and grabbed Adam’s hand. Standing up, he pulled Adam along. “Follow me.”
“Where are we going now?” Adam followed with little protest. There was a calm about Kris, even when he was trying to get him to talk about things Adam was not comfortable with, that made Adam feel a little more calm himself.
“Up.” Leading Adam to a wooden staircase along the far wall, Kris kept his hold on Adam as they started up the steps. “There was a leak in the roof last year and instead of fixing it, I made a skylight.”
Stopping halfway across the second level, Kris dropped Adam’s hand to spread out a large quilt. Once the blanket was down, he lay down and placed his hands behind his head.
“Get down here.” Kris laughed looking up at Adam’s reluctant face. “I promise the view is amazing.”
Silently, Adam joined Kris on the quilt. Leaning back, the nighttime stars filled his sight. California had stars but Adam swore they were never as bright as they were out here. He was too scared last night out in the woods to pay attention to the sky but tonight he felt at peace.
“My best friend’s name is Katy and we have known each other since we were babies. Her mother use to come over to visit with my mother and place Katy in the crib with me.” Kris decided he needed to use another tactic to get Adam to open up to him. He found that people generally reveal more of themselves if they knew more about the person they are talking with. “In the seventh grade she kissed me on the cheek in front of the whole school. Since that day everyone has assumed that we are together. The school nominated us as ‘Couple Most Likely to Get Married” this year.”
Turning his head towards where Adam lay next to him, he found Adam staring back at him. Studying his face, Kris paused looking at Adam’s lips. Being this close to the other man, he could see the freckles scattered on his lips.
“It must be amazing to be in love.” Adam’s voice broke the spell of his lips and Kris moved his attention up to Adam’s eyes.
“Yeah, it must be.” Kris turned back to stare up at the stars. “Katy is seeing a girl in Little Rock. I’m the only one that knows.”
“Everyone thinks you are going to marry her, how are people going to react when that never happens?” Adam kept his attention on Kris. He found the man more fascinating than the stars.
“I wonder that myself. People are going to find out. It is just a matter of what they will find out first. That we were never more than friends, that Katy likes girls, or that I don’t like girls.” Kris closed his eyes and listened to the silence that surrounded them. “Katy is the only one that knows that. At least, she was.”
“I don’t want to call my parents because if I do I will have to answer a lot of questions that I’m not ready for yet. Instead, I called the one person that I tell everything to.” Adam took a deep breath and decided to not think but just talk. “I tell Danielle everything but she only thinks that I ran away because I was too afraid to tell my parents that I’m gay. Really, I’m more terrified to tell them why I haven’t told them I’m gay yet.”
“I love my parents and I know they love me but I’m afraid for their reaction too.” Kris opened his eyes and looked over to Adam. “We don’t have gay people here, if you know what I mean.”
“My parents are very liberal. I mean, they have gay friends but my brother…” Adam stopped and took a minute to collect his thoughts. He didn’t know how he could explain this to Kris without sounding like a creep. “I have envied my brother since he was born. He got the good genes: skinny without trying, dark hair and clear skin, and the perfect combination of wit and charm. Even more, he has always been comfortable in his skin and clever enough to pick up on the fact that I’m not. It started forever ago, the little comments here and there that he made sure no one else heard. He talked about my weight and about what the other kids said about me. As I got older, the number of comments increased and they became even more asshole worthy. Last year, right before graduation, he found a magazine in my room. It took me three weeks to build up the courage to buy that magazine and only three seconds to regret it.”
“Let me guess, it wasn’t Popular Mechanics?” Kris broke the silence.
“He was disgusted and so smug at the same time. He said he always knew and that I was going to hell, which is bullshit because we are Jewish. He was always on my case and wanted to change me before it was too late. He decided that I needed to experience being with a woman in order to appreciate what I was missing. He said that there was a girl in another district that didn’t know how pathetic I was yet and would sleep with me. He set everything up and told me that he needed to supervise in order make sure that I went through with it. The girl thought it was a little strange that Neil was going to stay in the room but she was so drunk already she would do anything he asked her to. Her name was Heather and she was pretty and bubbly but I just couldn’t. So Neil…” Adam stopped as he felt his eyes stringing with tears. After that night, he told himself that he would never tell anyone. No one would understand.
Kris’s body tensed at Adam’s words. He could tell that the story was not going to end well based on the reaction Adam was already having.
“Neil got so angry. So angry. He pulled me out of the bed and told me to watch. He started kissing her and touching her. He took her clothes off and made me get back on the bed. He told me to get undressed but I was shaking so bad that I couldn’t. As he ripped off my pants his hand brushed my penis. I didn’t want to, I fought so hard not to, but I got hard.” Stopping, Adam took another deep breath. “It had nothing to do with the naked girl lying on the bed touching herself and everything to do with Neil touching me unexpectedly. He knew it and he whispered in my ear how perverted and disgusting I was. He was wasting his time on me because I couldn’t be saved. Someone that got off on his brother touching him could never be saved. He said that if I wasn’t so disgusting that I should stay and watch him show me what a real man was, but he was afraid that I would get off on watching him. But I wasn’t, I couldn’t help it.”
The tears were flowing down Adam’s cheeks as he made his plea.
“He came home that night and found me. He started in again about how mom and dad where going to disown me once they found out I was gay, especially since I was lusting after my brother. He said he would keep my secret if I got help. He researched it and found a ranch in Oklahoma that specialized in my disorder. He said that it could ‘fix me’. I needed to pay for it though and I didn’t have any money. School ended and I got a job. The place was going to be expensive but I convinced myself that it would get Neil off my back and my parents would never know. I saved up all year until the week before I ran. Neil took the money from my bag and said he needed it. He said our parents needed to know what kind of son they were raising and he was going to tell. I plead with him to give me the money and I would do as he wished but he refused. So I waited until everyone went to bed that night and ran. If I was going to be the perverted son that was going to be disowned, I wanted to at least try and live. Broadway was where I could be someone else and people would love me. I always loved that part of performing; you can make yourself into whoever you want to be.”
Moving closer on the blanket, Kris took Adam’s hand in his own and threaded their fingers together. Leaning his head on Adam’s chest, Kris brought their interlocked hands up to rest on Adam’s stomach.
Adam tried to keep his mind off of his confession by watching the stars and memorizing each breath Kris took. He felt more connected to Kris than he had ever felt with anyone before.
“Don’t you have a curfew?” Adam broke the silence once the thought occurred to him. He liked the Allens and didn’t want them to think he was a bad influence on their son.
“My parents know that I’m with you. They trust me.” Kris turned his head up as he talked to see Adam looking down at him. “They will understand if you need me more than school right now.”
Chapter: 2/3
Paring: Adam/Kris
Summary: AU. Adam has a secret and Kris might be the only one able to get it out of him.
Disclaimer: Lies based on real people. Like Star magazine, only with people you care about.
A/N: My birthday gift to
artchess. She asked for some angst and I rushed to the challenge.
Part Two
“What is this place?” Adam asked looking around the dark room of the worn down building.
“My family’s old barn. We use to store equipment in here, but my dad let me have it when I started the ninth grade. He said that ‘a man needs to have space that he can call his own to run away to.’” Kris blindly reached for the light switch and turned it on to reveal a small cot with a guitar resting next to it. “I like to keep it simple.”
“Looks like it.” Adam’s eyes were drawn to the guitar next to the bed. “You play?”
“Yeah. My mother started giving me piano lessons when I was five but I needed something a little more portable to write songs with. I taught myself guitar a couple of years ago.” Walking over to the cot, Kris picked up the guitar and started absently strumming it. “I wouldn’t say that I’m the best at any of it, but it is a nice way to get things out of my head.”
“My brother can play piano but I never clicked with any instrument. I was more concerned about focusing on my singing and figured an instrument would take away from my focus.” Adam leaned back against a support beam. “I admire people that can play.”
“I could teach you.” Kris sat down smiling and motioned for Adam to join him.
“I’m not staying, Kris.” Walking towards the cot, Adam kept his eyes down to avoid Kris’s stare. “You don’t have time to teach me.”
Kris stopped strumming his guitar and looked over to Adam as he sat down next to him. Deciding to be direct, Kris waited for Adam to look back before asking, “What are you running from?”
“We are all running, Kris.” Motioning around the large space, Adam gave a small laugh. “Even you. I’m just running to a place further away than down the road.”
“I’m not running from my family. I’m not running from my life. I’m just using this as a quiet place to sort out all the thoughts running through my head.” Kris put the guitar back in its spot and grabbed Adam’s hand. Standing up, he pulled Adam along. “Follow me.”
“Where are we going now?” Adam followed with little protest. There was a calm about Kris, even when he was trying to get him to talk about things Adam was not comfortable with, that made Adam feel a little more calm himself.
“Up.” Leading Adam to a wooden staircase along the far wall, Kris kept his hold on Adam as they started up the steps. “There was a leak in the roof last year and instead of fixing it, I made a skylight.”
Stopping halfway across the second level, Kris dropped Adam’s hand to spread out a large quilt. Once the blanket was down, he lay down and placed his hands behind his head.
“Get down here.” Kris laughed looking up at Adam’s reluctant face. “I promise the view is amazing.”
Silently, Adam joined Kris on the quilt. Leaning back, the nighttime stars filled his sight. California had stars but Adam swore they were never as bright as they were out here. He was too scared last night out in the woods to pay attention to the sky but tonight he felt at peace.
“My best friend’s name is Katy and we have known each other since we were babies. Her mother use to come over to visit with my mother and place Katy in the crib with me.” Kris decided he needed to use another tactic to get Adam to open up to him. He found that people generally reveal more of themselves if they knew more about the person they are talking with. “In the seventh grade she kissed me on the cheek in front of the whole school. Since that day everyone has assumed that we are together. The school nominated us as ‘Couple Most Likely to Get Married” this year.”
Turning his head towards where Adam lay next to him, he found Adam staring back at him. Studying his face, Kris paused looking at Adam’s lips. Being this close to the other man, he could see the freckles scattered on his lips.
“It must be amazing to be in love.” Adam’s voice broke the spell of his lips and Kris moved his attention up to Adam’s eyes.
“Yeah, it must be.” Kris turned back to stare up at the stars. “Katy is seeing a girl in Little Rock. I’m the only one that knows.”
“Everyone thinks you are going to marry her, how are people going to react when that never happens?” Adam kept his attention on Kris. He found the man more fascinating than the stars.
“I wonder that myself. People are going to find out. It is just a matter of what they will find out first. That we were never more than friends, that Katy likes girls, or that I don’t like girls.” Kris closed his eyes and listened to the silence that surrounded them. “Katy is the only one that knows that. At least, she was.”
“I don’t want to call my parents because if I do I will have to answer a lot of questions that I’m not ready for yet. Instead, I called the one person that I tell everything to.” Adam took a deep breath and decided to not think but just talk. “I tell Danielle everything but she only thinks that I ran away because I was too afraid to tell my parents that I’m gay. Really, I’m more terrified to tell them why I haven’t told them I’m gay yet.”
“I love my parents and I know they love me but I’m afraid for their reaction too.” Kris opened his eyes and looked over to Adam. “We don’t have gay people here, if you know what I mean.”
“My parents are very liberal. I mean, they have gay friends but my brother…” Adam stopped and took a minute to collect his thoughts. He didn’t know how he could explain this to Kris without sounding like a creep. “I have envied my brother since he was born. He got the good genes: skinny without trying, dark hair and clear skin, and the perfect combination of wit and charm. Even more, he has always been comfortable in his skin and clever enough to pick up on the fact that I’m not. It started forever ago, the little comments here and there that he made sure no one else heard. He talked about my weight and about what the other kids said about me. As I got older, the number of comments increased and they became even more asshole worthy. Last year, right before graduation, he found a magazine in my room. It took me three weeks to build up the courage to buy that magazine and only three seconds to regret it.”
“Let me guess, it wasn’t Popular Mechanics?” Kris broke the silence.
“He was disgusted and so smug at the same time. He said he always knew and that I was going to hell, which is bullshit because we are Jewish. He was always on my case and wanted to change me before it was too late. He decided that I needed to experience being with a woman in order to appreciate what I was missing. He said that there was a girl in another district that didn’t know how pathetic I was yet and would sleep with me. He set everything up and told me that he needed to supervise in order make sure that I went through with it. The girl thought it was a little strange that Neil was going to stay in the room but she was so drunk already she would do anything he asked her to. Her name was Heather and she was pretty and bubbly but I just couldn’t. So Neil…” Adam stopped as he felt his eyes stringing with tears. After that night, he told himself that he would never tell anyone. No one would understand.
Kris’s body tensed at Adam’s words. He could tell that the story was not going to end well based on the reaction Adam was already having.
“Neil got so angry. So angry. He pulled me out of the bed and told me to watch. He started kissing her and touching her. He took her clothes off and made me get back on the bed. He told me to get undressed but I was shaking so bad that I couldn’t. As he ripped off my pants his hand brushed my penis. I didn’t want to, I fought so hard not to, but I got hard.” Stopping, Adam took another deep breath. “It had nothing to do with the naked girl lying on the bed touching herself and everything to do with Neil touching me unexpectedly. He knew it and he whispered in my ear how perverted and disgusting I was. He was wasting his time on me because I couldn’t be saved. Someone that got off on his brother touching him could never be saved. He said that if I wasn’t so disgusting that I should stay and watch him show me what a real man was, but he was afraid that I would get off on watching him. But I wasn’t, I couldn’t help it.”
The tears were flowing down Adam’s cheeks as he made his plea.
“He came home that night and found me. He started in again about how mom and dad where going to disown me once they found out I was gay, especially since I was lusting after my brother. He said he would keep my secret if I got help. He researched it and found a ranch in Oklahoma that specialized in my disorder. He said that it could ‘fix me’. I needed to pay for it though and I didn’t have any money. School ended and I got a job. The place was going to be expensive but I convinced myself that it would get Neil off my back and my parents would never know. I saved up all year until the week before I ran. Neil took the money from my bag and said he needed it. He said our parents needed to know what kind of son they were raising and he was going to tell. I plead with him to give me the money and I would do as he wished but he refused. So I waited until everyone went to bed that night and ran. If I was going to be the perverted son that was going to be disowned, I wanted to at least try and live. Broadway was where I could be someone else and people would love me. I always loved that part of performing; you can make yourself into whoever you want to be.”
Moving closer on the blanket, Kris took Adam’s hand in his own and threaded their fingers together. Leaning his head on Adam’s chest, Kris brought their interlocked hands up to rest on Adam’s stomach.
Adam tried to keep his mind off of his confession by watching the stars and memorizing each breath Kris took. He felt more connected to Kris than he had ever felt with anyone before.
“Don’t you have a curfew?” Adam broke the silence once the thought occurred to him. He liked the Allens and didn’t want them to think he was a bad influence on their son.
“My parents know that I’m with you. They trust me.” Kris turned his head up as he talked to see Adam looking down at him. “They will understand if you need me more than school right now.”