I can't seem to find a happy medium here. I eat near nothing or I eat like someone's going to steal all my food. The last few days I've been fucking living for my next meal or my next chance to eat without ridicule. It's pathetic, and I'm ashamed to the point of this being hard to admit to, even in a god damn blog that hardly anyone reads... I ( Read more... )

I was called a glutton today. Apparently it's time to stop eating so much in her presence ( Read more... )

Today I ate like a 'normal', non-eating disordered person. Unless you count the fact that alot of it was cereal drenched in water. The last week I haven't done any chocolate, refined sugar, or gluten. The gluten is for a reason, as is the sugar, but while I was conscious of how much I had, I didnt obesess over not having ANY today. I feel full, ( Read more... )

Today's been great for some reason. Not that I'm complaining...  I haven't eaten, but I've had the energy to work in classes and keep up with phys. ed. and general conversations.

The fact that it was the last real day of school didn't hurt at all either, I'm sure.

Minimally freaking out. I've been completely off refined sugar since Monday, not that big of an accomplishment. I've also been restricting more than last week. Generally it's not a problem, but I've actually been feeling really  nauseous whether I do or don't eat. Plus faint if I don't. I actually feel really shitty. I'm not entirely sure why... ( Read more... )

Morning brought much reluctance to get my bum out from under the covers. It was so warm and comfortable and I just wanted to fall asleep there until my mind and body deemed me ready to wake up and deal with everything.

I let a friend buy me 10 chocolate covered espresso beans today. I ate most of them. Which, more than likely helped along the spark ( Read more... )

It's really frustrating how I tend to hate parts of my body in sequence. First it was my butt and thighs, then it was my butt, then it was my face and butt, then it was my face, butt and thighs, etc. Now it's my arms and butt. Plus a general need to be smaller that doesn't go away.

I finally fit into my old favorite pants after 5 months of not being ( Read more... )

Here we go again! I HATE it when I lose control. It's Saturday, I'm weak, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm anxious, I NEED to fucking stop. Mhm. Intake up about 200 calories. Restricting starts now.

Why are we weak enough to give into cravings? What are cravings? Are they mental or physical? I suppose it depends on things. Malnutrition could cause ( Read more... )

FUCKING DRAMA!

The food situations haven't been horrible. Less than 500 caloriess each day, my system is going nuts dealing with the extra food though. But hey, I can think. That's a plus. Cravings are coming back. That's a minus.

The school councellor asked if I'd be willing to see the nurse since I can't easily see a doctor. I said yes, as long as it's confidential. I have no idea what we'll talk about though. It's more than likely anything she can tell me I already know.

Part of me hopes to be surprised, part of me hopes I do know as much as I think.

There are some touchy ( Read more... )