"Maybe we are all spoiled brats, after all!"
THE "PINK IN THE RUG"
SYNDROME
Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
From Life is Huge!
I stood at the window with a smile on my face. My neighbor, who lives below my cliff-side home, had just had his very large tree trimmed - the critical tree that, if not trimmed yearly, would obstruct the magical view of the ocean from my bedroom window. In the back of my mind always lived the disquieting thought that one day he would decide to let the tree grow very, very tall, so I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I wouldn't have to worry about my view until next year - when the height of the tree would once again begin to trouble me.
And then I noticed IT. Just as I was walking away from the window, my eyes focused on THE BRANCH...the one branch that should have been removed to make the view absolutely perfect...at least to my eyes. Alas, it was too late. The tree trimmers had all gone home and I would have to live with THE BRANCH for an entire year which, for me, was easier said than done.
Unfortunately, every time I looked out of the window at my magical view, all I could see was THE BRANCH! Forget the ocean, the beach, the mountains, the ever- changing sky...all I could see was THE BRANCH! No matter how hard I tried NOT to see THE BRANCH, the bigger it seemed to loom.
I was relating this story to my friend, Donna. I said, "Could you believe that I could be that unappreciative of all the beauty out there and focus only on THE BRANCH...the one little detail that isn't exactly the way I wanted it?" "Yes," she said, "I could believe it. I have the same situation with THE PINK IN MY RUG," Donna explained.
It turns out that the long-awaited custom-made carpet for her living room floor had recently been delivered. She had ordered a purple background, a color she had carefully picked to coordinate with other features in the room. After many months, the rug finally arrived and she was distressed to discover that the purple background wasn't purple at all...it was PINK. Oh, yes, it went with everything in the room, but it wasn't exactly as she wanted it. She could have had the rug re-made, but that would have cost her a lot of extra money (the rug maker wasn't very cooperative!), and her floor would have remained bare for a few more months. In the end, she decided to keep the rug.
You know where I am going with this. Now, every time she looks in her living room, which is filled with many beautiful things, all she can see is THE PINK IN THE RUG. No matter how hard she tries to blind her eyes to the PINK and focus on everything else that is perfect, the PINK looms before her.
As she related the story, we began to laugh at the ridiculousness of our inability to enjoy all the good as we focused on the one little thing which wasn't exactly as we wanted it. And we called it THE PINK IN THE RUG syndrome.
I know it sounds as though we are just two spoiled brats behaving badly...and I'm certain there is some truth to that! But I'm pretty sure that all of us-young or old, rich or poor-can relate to this syndrome. For example...
You had a very successful job interview and you obsess about the one question you wish you had answered differently.
You score 97 out of 100 points on your final exam…and you focus on the three points you didn't get.
You are having a lovely meal out with family and friends...and you focus on the fact that the waiter is too slow.
Your wedding was magical, but you focus on the fact that the florist forgot to put the yellow freesias in your bouquet.
These are all examples of THE PINK IN THE RUG syndrome. I'm sure you can think of some similar examples in your own life. And you will notice something interesting: the syndrome often involves something that bothers only you and would be totally unnoticed by anyone else. For example...
I never hear anyone looking at my view and saying, "Boy that branch really spoils the view." No, they are in awe of the beauty of it all.
Donna never hears anyone looking at her living room and asking why she didn't get a purple carpet. No, they comment on the beauty of the room.
People hearing you had a score of 97 wouldn't say, "Why didn't you have a perfect score?". No, they would say, "Well, done!"
Most people hearing of your dinner with family and friends wouldn't say, "That's too bad. It's horrible that the waiter was slow." No, they would say, "Lucky you! Having a great dinner with people you love."
And I'm sure that people attending your wedding wouldn't have said, "Not having yellow freesias in your bouquet really messed up your wedding." No, they would have been totally focused on the love in the room.
You get the picture.
So why are most of us afflicted by THE PINK IN THE RUG syndrome? Why can't we focus only on the beauty? I guess it has something to do with the fact that most of us have an intense need to control everything in our lives. And when we don't have that control, we lose our ability to focus on and appreciate all the wonder that actually exists. An eye-opening thought...
Maybe we are all spoiled brats, after all!
Certainly children scream and cry when one little thing isn't right in their life. Well, aren't we all screaming and crying in our own way when we focus on one little area that isn't exactly as we wish it to be and refuse to see all the beauty in our lives?
In any case, I'm sorry to say that I haven't yet come up with a remedy for this child-like mentality. But what has helped me greatly is to laugh at this silly syndrome that so clearly symbolizes my need to control everything around me. Whenever I am upset by something in my life, more and more I am able to recognize it as just another example of THE PINK IN THE RUG syndrome...and I begin to laugh.
I have discovered that laughter is one of the best medicines for many things, including THE PINK IN THE RUG syndrome. When we can lighten up and laugh, particularly at ourselves, the beauty in our life is appreciated once again. And when we can laugh with a wonderful friend like Donna, the beauty is enhanced 100-fold.
So begin laughing with your best friend, even in the midst of your complaints, and one day you will find yourself - as I did - actually enjoying those PINK IN THE RUG moments that occur occasionally in your own life. In fact, laughing with a friend almost makes the PINK IN THE RUG syndrome a blessing. Think about it.
© 2000 Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
From Life is Huge!
SYNDROME
Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
From Life is Huge!
I stood at the window with a smile on my face. My neighbor, who lives below my cliff-side home, had just had his very large tree trimmed - the critical tree that, if not trimmed yearly, would obstruct the magical view of the ocean from my bedroom window. In the back of my mind always lived the disquieting thought that one day he would decide to let the tree grow very, very tall, so I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I wouldn't have to worry about my view until next year - when the height of the tree would once again begin to trouble me.
And then I noticed IT. Just as I was walking away from the window, my eyes focused on THE BRANCH...the one branch that should have been removed to make the view absolutely perfect...at least to my eyes. Alas, it was too late. The tree trimmers had all gone home and I would have to live with THE BRANCH for an entire year which, for me, was easier said than done.
Unfortunately, every time I looked out of the window at my magical view, all I could see was THE BRANCH! Forget the ocean, the beach, the mountains, the ever- changing sky...all I could see was THE BRANCH! No matter how hard I tried NOT to see THE BRANCH, the bigger it seemed to loom.
I was relating this story to my friend, Donna. I said, "Could you believe that I could be that unappreciative of all the beauty out there and focus only on THE BRANCH...the one little detail that isn't exactly the way I wanted it?" "Yes," she said, "I could believe it. I have the same situation with THE PINK IN MY RUG," Donna explained.
It turns out that the long-awaited custom-made carpet for her living room floor had recently been delivered. She had ordered a purple background, a color she had carefully picked to coordinate with other features in the room. After many months, the rug finally arrived and she was distressed to discover that the purple background wasn't purple at all...it was PINK. Oh, yes, it went with everything in the room, but it wasn't exactly as she wanted it. She could have had the rug re-made, but that would have cost her a lot of extra money (the rug maker wasn't very cooperative!), and her floor would have remained bare for a few more months. In the end, she decided to keep the rug.
You know where I am going with this. Now, every time she looks in her living room, which is filled with many beautiful things, all she can see is THE PINK IN THE RUG. No matter how hard she tries to blind her eyes to the PINK and focus on everything else that is perfect, the PINK looms before her.
As she related the story, we began to laugh at the ridiculousness of our inability to enjoy all the good as we focused on the one little thing which wasn't exactly as we wanted it. And we called it THE PINK IN THE RUG syndrome.
I know it sounds as though we are just two spoiled brats behaving badly...and I'm certain there is some truth to that! But I'm pretty sure that all of us-young or old, rich or poor-can relate to this syndrome. For example...
You had a very successful job interview and you obsess about the one question you wish you had answered differently.
You score 97 out of 100 points on your final exam…and you focus on the three points you didn't get.
You are having a lovely meal out with family and friends...and you focus on the fact that the waiter is too slow.
Your wedding was magical, but you focus on the fact that the florist forgot to put the yellow freesias in your bouquet.
These are all examples of THE PINK IN THE RUG syndrome. I'm sure you can think of some similar examples in your own life. And you will notice something interesting: the syndrome often involves something that bothers only you and would be totally unnoticed by anyone else. For example...
I never hear anyone looking at my view and saying, "Boy that branch really spoils the view." No, they are in awe of the beauty of it all.
Donna never hears anyone looking at her living room and asking why she didn't get a purple carpet. No, they comment on the beauty of the room.
People hearing you had a score of 97 wouldn't say, "Why didn't you have a perfect score?". No, they would say, "Well, done!"
Most people hearing of your dinner with family and friends wouldn't say, "That's too bad. It's horrible that the waiter was slow." No, they would say, "Lucky you! Having a great dinner with people you love."
And I'm sure that people attending your wedding wouldn't have said, "Not having yellow freesias in your bouquet really messed up your wedding." No, they would have been totally focused on the love in the room.
You get the picture.
So why are most of us afflicted by THE PINK IN THE RUG syndrome? Why can't we focus only on the beauty? I guess it has something to do with the fact that most of us have an intense need to control everything in our lives. And when we don't have that control, we lose our ability to focus on and appreciate all the wonder that actually exists. An eye-opening thought...
Maybe we are all spoiled brats, after all!
Certainly children scream and cry when one little thing isn't right in their life. Well, aren't we all screaming and crying in our own way when we focus on one little area that isn't exactly as we wish it to be and refuse to see all the beauty in our lives?
In any case, I'm sorry to say that I haven't yet come up with a remedy for this child-like mentality. But what has helped me greatly is to laugh at this silly syndrome that so clearly symbolizes my need to control everything around me. Whenever I am upset by something in my life, more and more I am able to recognize it as just another example of THE PINK IN THE RUG syndrome...and I begin to laugh.
I have discovered that laughter is one of the best medicines for many things, including THE PINK IN THE RUG syndrome. When we can lighten up and laugh, particularly at ourselves, the beauty in our life is appreciated once again. And when we can laugh with a wonderful friend like Donna, the beauty is enhanced 100-fold.
So begin laughing with your best friend, even in the midst of your complaints, and one day you will find yourself - as I did - actually enjoying those PINK IN THE RUG moments that occur occasionally in your own life. In fact, laughing with a friend almost makes the PINK IN THE RUG syndrome a blessing. Think about it.
© 2000 Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
From Life is Huge!