SANCTUARY
I shake off the rain in the vestibule of the small brownstone and smooth my hair with both hands before I walk into our apartment. I hear his music, but don't see him. I hang my damp coat on the back of a chair, turning it to face the fire in the hearth. I called Adam from the cab to tell him I was diverting to my home for the rest of the day, but I hope he doesn't call me. I need a break. I hear a little noise in the kitchen.
"It's me," I call out to him as I walk upstairs. I didn't want to startle him. In the bedroom, I shed my jacket and am loosening my tie when I sense his presence. He leans in the door frame, watching me. I don't turn around as I toss my tie on the bed and begin unbuttoning my shirt.
"Are you okay?" he asks and I shrug.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know, Brian, but this encounter with her seems to have shaken you up more than I thought it could. It's not as if you've never had a woman make a pass at you."
Of course this has nothing to do with the fact a woman made a pass at me, not directly, but I can't explain that to him. "I'm not shaken up," my shirt falls on the bed, on top of my tie. "I'm tired and disgusted."
"Disgusted?"
"She wasn't interested in the word 'no'. She made me feel like Little Eva. It was ludicrous. My experience has been when the wife has an agenda, the husband usually has one of his own."
I hear him chuckle as I unthread my belt and open my fly. Pants down, standing there in underwear and dress socks, I turn and glare at him. "What's so funny?"
"You."
"Fine, laugh it up. I'm taking a shower."
Underwear and socks off, I stalk into the bathroom and turn on the water, standing under the warm stream, eyes closed, letting it pound against my skin. I hear him enter. I feel his hands on my back, my shoulders, my ass. I reciprocate physically, my cock twitches, my heartrate goes up, but mentally I'm still gone. He puts both palms on my face and forces me to open my eyes, look down at him. "Talk, diva."
I glare. "Nothing to say."
"You think Eric has plans for me, right? And I don't mean my career."
I blink, neither confirming nor denying. He laughs again and reaches one hand down to fondle my cock. "One thing I love about you, Brian, is that despite the way you look and the way you are and the way everyone, even women, want to fuck you, you can still be insecure."
"I'm not insecure!" I defend with a growl. He strokes me so well, and as I get hard, my hands start to travel over his flesh, an autonomic response.
"I'm not as stupid as you think, you know?" He moves in closer. He takes my cock and rubs it against his firm belly. As if I would ever think he was stupid. He leans forward and kisses my nipple, then nips it with painful pleasure. I groan. "I know Eric wants to fuck me. So what? All tops want to fuck me. You're not the only belle of the hairy balls."
I have to smile at that one as I let my long fingers slip into the envelope of his crack. "And?"
"And what? He's cute, he's quirky, he's well-connected, just one thing wrong."
"What's that?"
"He isn't you."
"Some would say that's a good thing."
He reaches for the liquid soap. He greases me up. He turns around, his palms on the tile wall as he grins across his shoulder at me, that adorable bubble butt protruding in my direction, beckoning. "Some may, but I've allowed myself to become addicted to your cock, so you control my crack, in more ways than one."
I laugh at that. I walk over to him and lean above his back, kissing his neck, kissing his shoulder. "Don't fuck him," I hear myself say, plead, against his ear. He reaches an arm back, pushing my hips forward towards his butt.
"I love the fact you don't want me to fuck him, Brian. And I won't. Why should I? I have this," he pushes back a little and I guide it in. It slips up that tight enclosure with familiar ease. I wrap an arm around him to anchor us as I begin to fuck him. Within seconds, my doubt is lost in the consuming flame of our lust. Lust is great. Love is great. Lust combined with love is...unique. When the ramming and bamming is done, I come so hard it's flowing down my cock and out his ass before I can withdraw. So long as we have this feeling between us, so long as it's mutual, I know my insecurity is meaningless. He may slip up someday and fuck some other guy, maybe even Eric, and I may do the same, but not with Eric, who isn't my type, but it won't be like this, not for either of us. So we'll always come home again. But is that enough? Will the meaningless aspect of the act overcome the pain for the other? If we're lucky, we won't have to find out.
We kiss, wash off, dry off, slip into bed. Yes, it's still afternoon, but neither one of us wants to do anything else. He snuggles into my arms, and I hold him, absorbing the impact of his proximity. "I love you, Brian." He doesn't say it enough. Neither do I. It's so hard for me to do. I find loving him very easy. I find telling him I love him painfully difficult. Nothing makes me more vulnerable than saying those words.
"You too," I compromise and he lets it go. He knows me. He knows how I feel. We kiss. The phone rings. With a combined sigh, we look at each other. Finally he reaches over me and picks it up. His look says "Adam". "Look, we're in the sack, can it wait?" Oh, how he loves to set his turf with my queenie little assistant. I should have guessed the two blond twinks would have issues. He looks at me and wiggles the receiver. I shake my head. He says, "It's about Birken." I frown and take it from him. Real life is calling. No rest for the wicked. Before I speak to Adam, I look at Justin who's fallen back on the pillows and say,
"I love you, too."
"I know, Brian," he says with a smile. "But thanks for saying so."
With that, I say hello to the other blond twink and as we talk, I realize how much calmer I am and how much better my mood is and how my headache is gone. Fucking, the great cure all. Or is it? Many is the time that fucking someone just made me feel tired. Justin's my cure all, that's the sad truth. He runs his hand up the bumps of my spine as I talk and his touch imparts his magic to me. We're lucky. And I intend to stay that way.