RECKONINGS, part 2, Guest post Kim
I close the file.
Outside it has begun to snow heavily. Beyond the glass, the night is blotted out by white haze. It looks like the way my brain feels. He's staring at me, as silent as he's been the whole time I've been reading. I keep my back to him. I saw photographs of bad things. Death, faces I don't recognize but faces that no longer hold life in their features. I saw me, my face, only hard, and spare and angry.
I read words that shouldn't sting because they can't be about me, but they are.
I understand now that the man in black whom I can see behind my eyes who laughs at me is myself.
I am that man in black. I am Domino. I am a killer. I get paid to kill. And now, they are trying to kill me. They called me rogue, uncontrollable, random, a threat. They said I was no longer able to be managed or trusted. They said some device they put in my brain went horribly wrong and can't be fixed. It would kill me, but not fast enough to suit them.
I don't know what I feel. I'm not angry. I'm not afraid. I'm just sad. How could I cause such destruction when I remember nothing of feeling rage or hatred or ill will towards the people in these photographs? I don't even know who they are other than what the file tells me. I don't remember, can't remember. My head begins to ache and I pinch my nose and squint my eyes shut. I feel his hand on my shoulder. I get up, causing his hand to fall, and walk to the window.
In the glass, I see his reflection behind me. It shimmers, distorted by the falling snow. "You are Chimera?"
"Yes."
"You did this to me?"
"Yes."
"Because you hate me?"
"To save your life, Kim."
I turn, face him. I see a look in those blue eyes that I can't identify. Everything is a mystery to me tonight. Even his pretty face. "How so?"
"Either the company or the chip would have killed you. I wasn't sure which would succeed first."
"Kill me or Domino?"
"One is the same."
I smile. "So you had them chop up my brain?"
"The chip had to be removed. It was killing you."
"But it didn't come out all on it's own. It took my memory and other things with it."
"The miracle is that you survived at all."
"To be killed by them?"
He takes the folder from me. He puts it in his bag. He says, "You're free."
"What does that mean, free?"
"It means I brokered a deal with them. They won't be bothering you so long as Domino remains forgotten."
"A deal. For me. And what did you give up in exchange?"
"You don't need to know that, Kim. And you won't."
"And if Domino comes back?"
"He can't. He won't."
"If he does?"
"Then you're dead, and there's nothing I can do to save you."
"Promise me one thing. If he comes back, promise me you'll be the one to kill him."
I know killing is nothing new to him. He doesn't have to say. I know. But his face is sad. Perhaps he doesn't like it the way this Domino seems to do. He nods. I know he will stand by that agreement if necessary. I rub my head, black, silky hair flowing between my fingers like blood. "I want to leave here."
"You're not ready. You can't function out there."
"I'll learn."
He stares at me. He says, "Do you remember Raine?"
The man behind my eyes, Domino, chuckles. He chuckles. I see a pastiche of images and they all look like Teri but they aren't him. I shake my head no. He says, "I'll make arrangements. Do nothing until then. Do you understand, Kim?"
I nod. He touches my face, delicately, and brushes back my hair. Then he leaves. I turn back to the window. I watch the snow fall. I feel numb. A little poem bubbles up in my brain. I sing-song the verse, "Rain, rain go away..."
I hear Domino chuckle.