Longest post. Ever.
I should be embarrassed to post these, but some of them still make me smile. This is a compilation of poetry from high school I just found in my old LJ.... dang... so old.... No expectation for anyone to read it, I just want it here and not where it's nearly impossible for me to find.
"#4, 9, 10, 12"
I cannot stand
All these responsibilities at hand
I take this I take that
Well, you can take these
Please, will you? Please!
I don't need all these thoughts
In my head
They'll make me scream 'til I'm dead
And I've fought
With myself in my mind
But I still cannot find
One word, but one word in my head
That makes me feel I'm undead
"Minority Number nOne"
I ain't crazy
or sick
or the one who gets picked on
I'd love
to be shoved
pushed around
to stick
Out
In the crowd
I just want
To be found
"We'll start with my mom"
Today's just not my day.
I don't want to wake up
Tomorrow, there's no way.
I just take a breath,
Another sip of death, and say:
Life's not what it used to be
All these people mean
Nothing to me,
But they will and I will too
At first it's not me
And then it's you
Yesterday there was so much to do
Now today, I just fade away
Into all space
Away from time
Oh, you took from me all that was mine
"Time Lapse"
I count one,
Wait,
And two
But I still cannot find
What has happened to you
Two years, then a half,
There were tears then some laughs
You're just there and I'm not.
You have more than I got.
I need money, I need friends,
I need time before ends
It's a lapse
In my life, in my time
A collapse in my mind, was...
Two years and a half
With some tears and some laughs.
"A Daydreamer's Complaint"
(This was published in HS -- it was a parody)
I have these words to give to you all
'Cause my shrink said there is no number to call
I have this problem, see, they never hear
The thoughts in my head, whether far or near
They never see the colors so bright
They don't know what it's like to look with no sight
So still I sit, with eyes un-blinking
For all they know, I could be thinking
About the class I'm sitting in
Or 'bout how history is fitting in
They tell me I have to wake-up
Or next year, this class I'll have to make-up
They just don't get the way I see
All the things there could possibly be
And when I awake from my sleepless dream
Nothing at all is quite as it seemed
So for all you gazers, just like I
For who the creations take high
For whose imaginations slow while time goes by and by
For who that guy makes you sigh
For all you who can bear to lie
Just simply reply:
"I'm listening."
"Hairspray"
"Welcome to the Jungle"
Peace out
You freaked-out
Punk
You sit in your haze
Unaware
Of anything for an entire decade
The years have passed, but
You still find a way
To come back to this
No where
Come out of the smoke
Show yourself
Beneath the layers of hairspray and make-up
Wake up
To the new years
Turn down the electric guitar
And turn up the pop culture
Just tear up your leather
And clear the smoke
The times have changed
"Thoughts of a girl"
(an example of "Chance" done by picking words out of a dictionary & using them in order -- the italicized words are not stressed, just the words chosen.)
The wind does a shibby dance
As a girl is digging through her soul:
The rubble left from broken dreams will leave a permanent scar
Hypocrisy tells her what to do and when to break the rules
But her old friend Animosity never lets her stay "happy"
She pulls a twisted fork prong from the raw meat of her leg
(The imperfection some call "fat")
The intelligence she has gained keeps her from believing in herself
But her face still glows with radiance every waking hour of her life
What keeps this girl sane in this waukrife world?
She prays to Allah and confesses her mortal sins to the grains of paper beneath her pen
She knows the orsels in her skin are what keep her real
She will astonish the world with her vibrant true colors
The tiny volcanic explosions in her mind leave her firey glass eyes frozen with questions
All this she has down to a scientology
Like the weather patterns of Zimbabwe
These puzzle peices, put together, create her destiny
She will live to torment those who have her
She will burn each paper doll on the regret of her stove
And drown each and every sour fish in the nautilus world in her thoughts
Now she knows her fate
And by looking through her jade eyes I see it too
Her obsession with her perfections, or lack of them; herself.
She will forever remain notorious for not being
"Too Young"
(A monometer)
To be
A child
Today
Is tough
I take
A break
Then scream,
"Enough."
I need
A break
From all
That's here.
I need
A friend,
That's all,
An ear.
"Dead and Crying"
(One of what I believe to be my best--done after a painting my teacher gave me)
In this large building a small corner of space
Is occupied by a chair, a set table, and a case.
Here in this world not a thing belongs
These objects show nothing of all the past wrongs.
'Tis here a man sits in a world, so alone
He listens to memories like a gentle, terrifying moan:
So long ago t'was here he died
Killed by those who'd always lied.
"If you go then you'll be free"
But he knew that life he'd never see
In the next room they cracked the whip
He knew they could sense his trembling lip.
He saw the brass knob jump, heard a voice.
After the match was struck, he knew he had no choice
The doors were locked, the windows barred
His only fate? Wait while his skin charred
The glass windows blew out and shattered his dreams
He now knows nothing is as it seems
After that day he never spoke another word.
He thought all that he could say had already been heard
In this large building a small corner of space
Is occupied by a chair, a set table, and a case.
Here in this world not a thing belongs
These objects show nothing of all the past wrongs.
Here a child thinks about life, his own
And how here he had starved down to his bones
He thinks of all the pain he has had,
How they always said "It's not that bad"
He saw the bed of straw he'd slept in
And those raggy clothes, he'd always kept them
He never loved, never saw his mother,
He'd sit alone one day after another
All his hunger turned to pain, then pain to rage
The rage turned to hate at such a young age
He'll never know life's true path
All he knows has been past
In this small building, a corner of space
Is occupied by a chair, a table and case
Here in this world nothing belongs
These things know nothing of all the wrongs
A man and a child in their own worlds
A man and a child without any words
Here a dead man is praying that we will cry
Here a crying child hopes he'll someday die
"Johnny Jumps"
(A Ballad parody)
Johnny had a good girl,
Loved her more than all the world
Loved the feeling of her touch
But she didn't love him quite as much
"We don't talk," she always said
He believed too many lies she fed
He found out what she was about
And decided that he wouldn't pout
He thought about how she'd always cheated
About all the times he felt un-needed
He knew what she needed, he couldn't give her
So he decided to throw her in a river
He sang a song 'bout how he was wrong
And found his rhythm after not too long
Dance, dance, you crooked soul
Sing all the words you do not know
Spin, spin, you crazy man
You're the star of your own band
He sat alone up in his room
And he thought about the moon
The dents, the scars, un-like the stars,
It didn't seem so far
Much closer he wanted to get to it
So up on the roof he did sit
Still it was not close enough for him
Soon everything started to dim
He jumped so high, so far, so long
And on his way down, he sang his song
Dance, dance, you crooked soul
Sing all the words you'll never know
Spin, spin, you crazy man
You're the star of your own band
"My Country"
Let's talk about the modern nation,
With people shouting unheard quotations.
Guns drop bullets without explainations,
But the rich (the clueless) still take vacations.
What happens to this generation?
Will money and hate breed new creations?
Why does everything end in exclamation?
I think we need some modification!
"White Trash"
Hi! I'm a Poor Caucasian
State your wage and
What's your label?
Or were you able
To break through that barrier,
This wall,
That binds us, breaks us,
Aches us all.
Our History reminds us
What it takes to make a fool --
If you destroy that little boy,
Does that really make you "cool"?
'Cause it's like a flood
When you're drowning
In the pools of blood--
When you're down, and you're
Counting kills, and you're
Downing pills, and
No one knows how it feels,
Right?
Wrong.
This is First Class
White Trash, Middle America.
I just bought some hope:
A little girl named Erica.
Eighty cents a day
I have to pay what I ain't got--
But compared to her?
Damn.
I've got a lot.
"What It's Like"
Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like to be beat?
To be battered and bruised and kicked around
Do you know what it's like to go to school and hide the marks?
Do you know what a guy that big means to me?
Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like when you have no father?
To live your life without any male figures
Do you know what it's like when that non-existent father is going to die?
Do you know how much hope is not left?
Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like to have never had friends?
To walk down a crowded path and just pray that one will smile and nod
Do you know what it's like when that changes?
Do you know what the word |alone| feels like?
Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like to be hungry?
To go days without a meal because your brother needs it more
Do you know what it's like to be excited that the school has free leftovers?
Do you know how good you've got it?
Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like to talk when no one listens?
To try and try to say what's on your mind but that never ever happens
Do you know all the things I try to say but don't know how?
Do you know what it's like to be me?
"Life As A Runon Sentance (Pt. 1)"
The pen in my head could never express
As fast as the words
In my head would like it to
I need a break
Just a day
Where there is nothing
And I am nowhere
A place not to think
Not to listen
Not to see
A place not to be
I thought
If I started wrting things would come out
That I didn't know
That's what I was told
I don't yet know if I'll learn anything
Fuck the war
More,
Too many problems here
For world peace
Let's just have some peace of mind first
School doesn't help
"If you need anything or you need to talk let me know"
Less homework, bitch.
I don't mean bitch.
I'm not sorry but there's regret
I still think I love her.
Homework, ha!
The work is keeping it together,
Keeping me together
"Maybe I'm just a girl, interrupted."
The one I loved
And was loved by is angry
Not at me as was thought
But at himself
For never being good enough for him
He thinks a car will take him away
But I know
A car will only bring him closer to himself
He'll never
Through all his struggles
Know me
My pain
He is really she.
I'm not sure my dad ever had the brains
To care
His heart was there
But he didn't know how.
They don't know.
One small paper,
A few thoughts she read
Could never express
A minute of my mind
"I can see through you
See your true colors,
I'm on the outside
I'm looking in"
No you don't
But I do.
I know all of your names
Your faces
Your actions
You don't know anything
I'm not who you think I am
I'm not who I think I am...
I think.
I'm not sure about anything
I never have been.
I'm positively indecisive
And possibly oxymoronic.
Tatoo yourself in love
Burn it off with the pain of separation
But my pain is no pain
To the street rats that shoot to kill
And die to live their lives.
I know that
But I will never really know
What it means
Just like they don't understand me
They don't even know that
I lie.
To know me at all is to know a liar.
I lie about lying
And even to cover for other lies.
It covers the pain
A lie is like a band-aid,
It hides the disgusting
And painful
And torn
Truth,
But it doesn't heal.
The healing comes from within--
A piece of gauze.
////Ridiculous
"#4, 9, 10, 12"
I cannot stand
All these responsibilities at hand
I take this I take that
Well, you can take these
Please, will you? Please!
I don't need all these thoughts
In my head
They'll make me scream 'til I'm dead
And I've fought
With myself in my mind
But I still cannot find
One word, but one word in my head
That makes me feel I'm undead
"Minority Number nOne"
I ain't crazy
or sick
or the one who gets picked on
I'd love
to be shoved
pushed around
to stick
Out
In the crowd
I just want
To be found
"We'll start with my mom"
Today's just not my day.
I don't want to wake up
Tomorrow, there's no way.
I just take a breath,
Another sip of death, and say:
Life's not what it used to be
All these people mean
Nothing to me,
But they will and I will too
At first it's not me
And then it's you
Yesterday there was so much to do
Now today, I just fade away
Into all space
Away from time
Oh, you took from me all that was mine
"Time Lapse"
I count one,
Wait,
And two
But I still cannot find
What has happened to you
Two years, then a half,
There were tears then some laughs
You're just there and I'm not.
You have more than I got.
I need money, I need friends,
I need time before ends
It's a lapse
In my life, in my time
A collapse in my mind, was...
Two years and a half
With some tears and some laughs.
"A Daydreamer's Complaint"
(This was published in HS -- it was a parody)
I have these words to give to you all
'Cause my shrink said there is no number to call
I have this problem, see, they never hear
The thoughts in my head, whether far or near
They never see the colors so bright
They don't know what it's like to look with no sight
So still I sit, with eyes un-blinking
For all they know, I could be thinking
About the class I'm sitting in
Or 'bout how history is fitting in
They tell me I have to wake-up
Or next year, this class I'll have to make-up
They just don't get the way I see
All the things there could possibly be
And when I awake from my sleepless dream
Nothing at all is quite as it seemed
So for all you gazers, just like I
For who the creations take high
For whose imaginations slow while time goes by and by
For who that guy makes you sigh
For all you who can bear to lie
Just simply reply:
"I'm listening."
"Hairspray"
"Welcome to the Jungle"
Peace out
You freaked-out
Punk
You sit in your haze
Unaware
Of anything for an entire decade
The years have passed, but
You still find a way
To come back to this
No where
Come out of the smoke
Show yourself
Beneath the layers of hairspray and make-up
Wake up
To the new years
Turn down the electric guitar
And turn up the pop culture
Just tear up your leather
And clear the smoke
The times have changed
"Thoughts of a girl"
(an example of "Chance" done by picking words out of a dictionary & using them in order -- the italicized words are not stressed, just the words chosen.)
The wind does a shibby dance
As a girl is digging through her soul:
The rubble left from broken dreams will leave a permanent scar
Hypocrisy tells her what to do and when to break the rules
But her old friend Animosity never lets her stay "happy"
She pulls a twisted fork prong from the raw meat of her leg
(The imperfection some call "fat")
The intelligence she has gained keeps her from believing in herself
But her face still glows with radiance every waking hour of her life
What keeps this girl sane in this waukrife world?
She prays to Allah and confesses her mortal sins to the grains of paper beneath her pen
She knows the orsels in her skin are what keep her real
She will astonish the world with her vibrant true colors
The tiny volcanic explosions in her mind leave her firey glass eyes frozen with questions
All this she has down to a scientology
Like the weather patterns of Zimbabwe
These puzzle peices, put together, create her destiny
She will live to torment those who have her
She will burn each paper doll on the regret of her stove
And drown each and every sour fish in the nautilus world in her thoughts
Now she knows her fate
And by looking through her jade eyes I see it too
Her obsession with her perfections, or lack of them; herself.
She will forever remain notorious for not being
"Too Young"
(A monometer)
To be
A child
Today
Is tough
I take
A break
Then scream,
"Enough."
I need
A break
From all
That's here.
I need
A friend,
That's all,
An ear.
"Dead and Crying"
(One of what I believe to be my best--done after a painting my teacher gave me)
In this large building a small corner of space
Is occupied by a chair, a set table, and a case.
Here in this world not a thing belongs
These objects show nothing of all the past wrongs.
'Tis here a man sits in a world, so alone
He listens to memories like a gentle, terrifying moan:
So long ago t'was here he died
Killed by those who'd always lied.
"If you go then you'll be free"
But he knew that life he'd never see
In the next room they cracked the whip
He knew they could sense his trembling lip.
He saw the brass knob jump, heard a voice.
After the match was struck, he knew he had no choice
The doors were locked, the windows barred
His only fate? Wait while his skin charred
The glass windows blew out and shattered his dreams
He now knows nothing is as it seems
After that day he never spoke another word.
He thought all that he could say had already been heard
In this large building a small corner of space
Is occupied by a chair, a set table, and a case.
Here in this world not a thing belongs
These objects show nothing of all the past wrongs.
Here a child thinks about life, his own
And how here he had starved down to his bones
He thinks of all the pain he has had,
How they always said "It's not that bad"
He saw the bed of straw he'd slept in
And those raggy clothes, he'd always kept them
He never loved, never saw his mother,
He'd sit alone one day after another
All his hunger turned to pain, then pain to rage
The rage turned to hate at such a young age
He'll never know life's true path
All he knows has been past
In this small building, a corner of space
Is occupied by a chair, a table and case
Here in this world nothing belongs
These things know nothing of all the wrongs
A man and a child in their own worlds
A man and a child without any words
Here a dead man is praying that we will cry
Here a crying child hopes he'll someday die
"Johnny Jumps"
(A Ballad parody)
Johnny had a good girl,
Loved her more than all the world
Loved the feeling of her touch
But she didn't love him quite as much
"We don't talk," she always said
He believed too many lies she fed
He found out what she was about
And decided that he wouldn't pout
He thought about how she'd always cheated
About all the times he felt un-needed
He knew what she needed, he couldn't give her
So he decided to throw her in a river
He sang a song 'bout how he was wrong
And found his rhythm after not too long
Dance, dance, you crooked soul
Sing all the words you do not know
Spin, spin, you crazy man
You're the star of your own band
He sat alone up in his room
And he thought about the moon
The dents, the scars, un-like the stars,
It didn't seem so far
Much closer he wanted to get to it
So up on the roof he did sit
Still it was not close enough for him
Soon everything started to dim
He jumped so high, so far, so long
And on his way down, he sang his song
Dance, dance, you crooked soul
Sing all the words you'll never know
Spin, spin, you crazy man
You're the star of your own band
"My Country"
Let's talk about the modern nation,
With people shouting unheard quotations.
Guns drop bullets without explainations,
But the rich (the clueless) still take vacations.
What happens to this generation?
Will money and hate breed new creations?
Why does everything end in exclamation?
I think we need some modification!
"White Trash"
Hi! I'm a Poor Caucasian
State your wage and
What's your label?
Or were you able
To break through that barrier,
This wall,
That binds us, breaks us,
Aches us all.
Our History reminds us
What it takes to make a fool --
If you destroy that little boy,
Does that really make you "cool"?
'Cause it's like a flood
When you're drowning
In the pools of blood--
When you're down, and you're
Counting kills, and you're
Downing pills, and
No one knows how it feels,
Right?
Wrong.
This is First Class
White Trash, Middle America.
I just bought some hope:
A little girl named Erica.
Eighty cents a day
I have to pay what I ain't got--
But compared to her?
Damn.
I've got a lot.
"What It's Like"
Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like to be beat?
To be battered and bruised and kicked around
Do you know what it's like to go to school and hide the marks?
Do you know what a guy that big means to me?
Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like when you have no father?
To live your life without any male figures
Do you know what it's like when that non-existent father is going to die?
Do you know how much hope is not left?
Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like to have never had friends?
To walk down a crowded path and just pray that one will smile and nod
Do you know what it's like when that changes?
Do you know what the word |alone| feels like?
Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like to be hungry?
To go days without a meal because your brother needs it more
Do you know what it's like to be excited that the school has free leftovers?
Do you know how good you've got it?
Do you know what it's like?
Do you know what it's like to talk when no one listens?
To try and try to say what's on your mind but that never ever happens
Do you know all the things I try to say but don't know how?
Do you know what it's like to be me?
"Life As A Runon Sentance (Pt. 1)"
The pen in my head could never express
As fast as the words
In my head would like it to
I need a break
Just a day
Where there is nothing
And I am nowhere
A place not to think
Not to listen
Not to see
A place not to be
I thought
If I started wrting things would come out
That I didn't know
That's what I was told
I don't yet know if I'll learn anything
Fuck the war
More,
Too many problems here
For world peace
Let's just have some peace of mind first
School doesn't help
"If you need anything or you need to talk let me know"
Less homework, bitch.
I don't mean bitch.
I'm not sorry but there's regret
I still think I love her.
Homework, ha!
The work is keeping it together,
Keeping me together
"Maybe I'm just a girl, interrupted."
The one I loved
And was loved by is angry
Not at me as was thought
But at himself
For never being good enough for him
He thinks a car will take him away
But I know
A car will only bring him closer to himself
He'll never
Through all his struggles
Know me
My pain
He is really she.
I'm not sure my dad ever had the brains
To care
His heart was there
But he didn't know how.
They don't know.
One small paper,
A few thoughts she read
Could never express
A minute of my mind
"I can see through you
See your true colors,
I'm on the outside
I'm looking in"
No you don't
But I do.
I know all of your names
Your faces
Your actions
You don't know anything
I'm not who you think I am
I'm not who I think I am...
I think.
I'm not sure about anything
I never have been.
I'm positively indecisive
And possibly oxymoronic.
Tatoo yourself in love
Burn it off with the pain of separation
But my pain is no pain
To the street rats that shoot to kill
And die to live their lives.
I know that
But I will never really know
What it means
Just like they don't understand me
They don't even know that
I lie.
To know me at all is to know a liar.
I lie about lying
And even to cover for other lies.
It covers the pain
A lie is like a band-aid,
It hides the disgusting
And painful
And torn
Truth,
But it doesn't heal.
The healing comes from within--
A piece of gauze.
////Ridiculous