(no subject)
My personal opinion of Troy:
Paris: Complete loser extraodinaire. Manages to start his own epic war, kill the nicely-reformed Achilles, AND survive the entire movie. In my opinion, he should have been shot in the first 5 minutes of the film and fixed everything. And, seriously, wrapping yourself around your brother's leg, begging for help, after you just spent the last 30 minutes of the movie proclaiming how you were willing to die for your love is NOT exactly heroic. And the part at the end where he starts shooting things with the bow he just happens to have on his back? Yeah, we've already seen that. Three times.
Helen: Managed to start a war that wiped out an entire city. -1000 points.
Priam: OK, so your oldest son tells you to send Helen home, but you ignore him, which leads to the start of a devastating war. Then he gives you advice on battle tactics, which you also ignore, leading to another terrible fight and thousands of lives lost. Then he dies and you risk your life to visit the man who just killed and mutilated your son and only survive because Achilles is such a conflicted and messed up individual. Then your youngest son tells you to burn the damn horse the Greeks left you, but you ignore him, which leads to the destruction of your entire city. Then you scream about the gods and get shot. The end.
Agamemnon: Greedy, arrogant, ruthless, power-hungry, and overweight. Yep, an all-around average guy.
Menelaus: See Agamemnon.
Briseis: Tries to kill Achilles, then sleeps with him, then falls in love with him. All within 24 hours. Ummm...what?!
Achilles: I would guess that on the Anger Management Scale, Achilles would be a Destroyer. Seriously, this man has a serious attitude problem. Also, I'm sure the audience would have appreciated the legend about how he was all immortal except for that one spot on his heel (which is, incidentally, the location of the Achilles tendon), so that the ending could have made a little more sense to those not well-versed in Greek mythology. On the other hand, Chenchen's comments of "HE IS SO HOT!" every thirty seconds or so implied that some people at least did not care what he was, as long as he didn't bother putting more clothes on.
Hector: Arguably the protagonist of this twisted tale. Strong, honorable, intelligent, and a good leader. Unfortunately, his father ignores all his advice. Even more unfortunately, he dies and his body is mutilated by Achilles, who thinks that it would be a cool idea to drag the corpse of his opponent behind his chariot for a couple miles. And for whoever it was who said that Eric Bana should always wear a helmet so that you can't see his ears: after being dragged around, Hector doesn't have any ears left and I don't think it really improved his appearance much.
Random Trojan man who sees the Greek ships in hiding: Next time, DON'T look for a minute and then make your horse do a pretty rear before going to inform your countrymen that the Greeks didn't really go home. Just turn your horse around and run.
Paris: Complete loser extraodinaire. Manages to start his own epic war, kill the nicely-reformed Achilles, AND survive the entire movie. In my opinion, he should have been shot in the first 5 minutes of the film and fixed everything. And, seriously, wrapping yourself around your brother's leg, begging for help, after you just spent the last 30 minutes of the movie proclaiming how you were willing to die for your love is NOT exactly heroic. And the part at the end where he starts shooting things with the bow he just happens to have on his back? Yeah, we've already seen that. Three times.
Helen: Managed to start a war that wiped out an entire city. -1000 points.
Priam: OK, so your oldest son tells you to send Helen home, but you ignore him, which leads to the start of a devastating war. Then he gives you advice on battle tactics, which you also ignore, leading to another terrible fight and thousands of lives lost. Then he dies and you risk your life to visit the man who just killed and mutilated your son and only survive because Achilles is such a conflicted and messed up individual. Then your youngest son tells you to burn the damn horse the Greeks left you, but you ignore him, which leads to the destruction of your entire city. Then you scream about the gods and get shot. The end.
Agamemnon: Greedy, arrogant, ruthless, power-hungry, and overweight. Yep, an all-around average guy.
Menelaus: See Agamemnon.
Briseis: Tries to kill Achilles, then sleeps with him, then falls in love with him. All within 24 hours. Ummm...what?!
Achilles: I would guess that on the Anger Management Scale, Achilles would be a Destroyer. Seriously, this man has a serious attitude problem. Also, I'm sure the audience would have appreciated the legend about how he was all immortal except for that one spot on his heel (which is, incidentally, the location of the Achilles tendon), so that the ending could have made a little more sense to those not well-versed in Greek mythology. On the other hand, Chenchen's comments of "HE IS SO HOT!" every thirty seconds or so implied that some people at least did not care what he was, as long as he didn't bother putting more clothes on.
Hector: Arguably the protagonist of this twisted tale. Strong, honorable, intelligent, and a good leader. Unfortunately, his father ignores all his advice. Even more unfortunately, he dies and his body is mutilated by Achilles, who thinks that it would be a cool idea to drag the corpse of his opponent behind his chariot for a couple miles. And for whoever it was who said that Eric Bana should always wear a helmet so that you can't see his ears: after being dragged around, Hector doesn't have any ears left and I don't think it really improved his appearance much.
Random Trojan man who sees the Greek ships in hiding: Next time, DON'T look for a minute and then make your horse do a pretty rear before going to inform your countrymen that the Greeks didn't really go home. Just turn your horse around and run.