[Writing] omg
...Working through my archives. I found one short story about my two main World of Warcraft characters that I had forgotten I'd written. No significant background required.
A cold wind whipped every which way in Shattrath's Lower City. It never snowed in Outland, but it felt like the night was thinking about it.
The draenei Liranya slipped off her shawl once she got into the common room of the World's End Tavern. Another unproductive evening.
She crept quietly around the edge of the room, but the pink-haired gnomish mage spotted her. "Liranya!" squealed Niralia, waving and beckoning her to a little table against the wall.
Liranya had no choice. Niralia was on a Friendship kick, and Friends were meant to be followed until they were made to talk. So the draenei pulled up a chair across from the gnome.
"You went on a Date," pronounced Niralia, peering wide-eyed over an enormous tankard.
Liranya sighed. "Yes."
"The Broken merchant?"
"Dakloth. Yes."
"Was it nice?"
"It was very nice."
"You go on an awful lot of nice dates."
"It's just like you explained, Nir. Going on bad dates is a waste of my time, and if I didn't enjoy it why did I go in the first place? So logically all dates I do go on must be very nice." And any report contrary to that would be questioned to exhaustion.
"Makes sense." Nir's manic blue eyes flickered over Liranya. "But you don't look very happy. Hold on. Is he really ugly?"
"What? No! You've seen him. He's gorgeous."
"I guess he...uh...has nice tentacles. Very...healthy? Actually, he kind of reminds me of this squid that winters off the coast of Tanaris - "
"Quiet! You Azerothians just don't appreciate the Broken."
"If you say so. So what was the problem?"
"He doesn't look like a squid, but he has the personality of one. I almost fell asleep talking to him. How is anyone even allowed to look like that while being that dull? And he's never even taken up arms. For anything. Ever. Says it's too dangerous for him. Look at the world around us! He thinks it's less dangerous to hide behind the store counter and hope for the best? How's that for offensively cowardly?" Niralia sipped her drink and kept watching. "I try to keep it simple. Strong. Good-looking. Slightly interesting to talk to. Is that so difficult?" Liranya tugged irritably at a lock of her hair. "There are nights I think I'd settle for one out of three, if anybody out there could meet such a difficult requirement."
"Actually, it's very likely that that would help. Dropping all but one constraint expands your search space enormously and makes optimization trivial! Both "strong" and "good-looking" can be evaluated from a distance in combat or social scenarios, respectively, which makes your...." Niralia went for a sip out of her enormous tankard, found it empty, and looked around for a barmaid.
"I wish I had your innocence, Nir."
The mage looked back and smiled shyly. "Nobody's called me innocent since that time in the appellate court when my Mind Control Cap Mark III actually worked. The magistrate didn't have a choice in saying it, but it was awfully nice anyway."
"Uh...huh. You and I come from different worlds."
Niralia rolled her eyes. "Sure. What's that got to do with anything?"
"I don't get it, though. About men? That combination can't be impossible among my people. I'm good-looking, right?"
"You're very pretty," said Niralia loyally.
"And I'm strong?"
Niralia fidgeted. "Actually, if you're comparing with the other Red Shirts and prominent warriors and paladins of the - "
Liranya could feel herself puffing up. "I beat Kargath Bladefist to death!"
Nir caught the look on her face. " - okay, relative to the general populace you are remarkably strong. And skilled! And, um, still pretty!"
"And interesting. I'm interesting!"
"Very much so! I've already written three monographs on your behavior in matters of love!"
"Wait, what?"
"They're unpublished, of course, but the psychological and cultural insights they offer could lead to applica - "
Lir knocked her chair over standing up. She didn't have to play along with Niralia's delusions of friendship, not this far. "That's it. I'm done."
"Wait! Lir."
"Make it good."
"It's okay." Niralia made a vague gesture with those tiny destructive hands. "There's lots of tolerable people out there. And you don't have to find him right now. You've got friends, and these really neat skills not many other people will ever get the hang of, and frankly we're gonna need your help to clear Auchindoun and save Outland tomorrow. So feel better!"
Classic Niralia. Lir managed a wry grin as she made for the stairs.
The mage called after her. "Oh, oh! I was supposed to remind you that you still owe Puntier fifty gold from that bet about who Coll was going to kill on our last Blackheart the Inciter fight!"
Right. Rub that loss in, too. "The 'support' aspect of your friendship skill set could use a little work, Nir. Good night."
A cold wind whipped every which way in Shattrath's Lower City. It never snowed in Outland, but it felt like the night was thinking about it.
The draenei Liranya slipped off her shawl once she got into the common room of the World's End Tavern. Another unproductive evening.
She crept quietly around the edge of the room, but the pink-haired gnomish mage spotted her. "Liranya!" squealed Niralia, waving and beckoning her to a little table against the wall.
Liranya had no choice. Niralia was on a Friendship kick, and Friends were meant to be followed until they were made to talk. So the draenei pulled up a chair across from the gnome.
"You went on a Date," pronounced Niralia, peering wide-eyed over an enormous tankard.
Liranya sighed. "Yes."
"The Broken merchant?"
"Dakloth. Yes."
"Was it nice?"
"It was very nice."
"You go on an awful lot of nice dates."
"It's just like you explained, Nir. Going on bad dates is a waste of my time, and if I didn't enjoy it why did I go in the first place? So logically all dates I do go on must be very nice." And any report contrary to that would be questioned to exhaustion.
"Makes sense." Nir's manic blue eyes flickered over Liranya. "But you don't look very happy. Hold on. Is he really ugly?"
"What? No! You've seen him. He's gorgeous."
"I guess he...uh...has nice tentacles. Very...healthy? Actually, he kind of reminds me of this squid that winters off the coast of Tanaris - "
"Quiet! You Azerothians just don't appreciate the Broken."
"If you say so. So what was the problem?"
"He doesn't look like a squid, but he has the personality of one. I almost fell asleep talking to him. How is anyone even allowed to look like that while being that dull? And he's never even taken up arms. For anything. Ever. Says it's too dangerous for him. Look at the world around us! He thinks it's less dangerous to hide behind the store counter and hope for the best? How's that for offensively cowardly?" Niralia sipped her drink and kept watching. "I try to keep it simple. Strong. Good-looking. Slightly interesting to talk to. Is that so difficult?" Liranya tugged irritably at a lock of her hair. "There are nights I think I'd settle for one out of three, if anybody out there could meet such a difficult requirement."
"Actually, it's very likely that that would help. Dropping all but one constraint expands your search space enormously and makes optimization trivial! Both "strong" and "good-looking" can be evaluated from a distance in combat or social scenarios, respectively, which makes your...." Niralia went for a sip out of her enormous tankard, found it empty, and looked around for a barmaid.
"I wish I had your innocence, Nir."
The mage looked back and smiled shyly. "Nobody's called me innocent since that time in the appellate court when my Mind Control Cap Mark III actually worked. The magistrate didn't have a choice in saying it, but it was awfully nice anyway."
"Uh...huh. You and I come from different worlds."
Niralia rolled her eyes. "Sure. What's that got to do with anything?"
"I don't get it, though. About men? That combination can't be impossible among my people. I'm good-looking, right?"
"You're very pretty," said Niralia loyally.
"And I'm strong?"
Niralia fidgeted. "Actually, if you're comparing with the other Red Shirts and prominent warriors and paladins of the - "
Liranya could feel herself puffing up. "I beat Kargath Bladefist to death!"
Nir caught the look on her face. " - okay, relative to the general populace you are remarkably strong. And skilled! And, um, still pretty!"
"And interesting. I'm interesting!"
"Very much so! I've already written three monographs on your behavior in matters of love!"
"Wait, what?"
"They're unpublished, of course, but the psychological and cultural insights they offer could lead to applica - "
Lir knocked her chair over standing up. She didn't have to play along with Niralia's delusions of friendship, not this far. "That's it. I'm done."
"Wait! Lir."
"Make it good."
"It's okay." Niralia made a vague gesture with those tiny destructive hands. "There's lots of tolerable people out there. And you don't have to find him right now. You've got friends, and these really neat skills not many other people will ever get the hang of, and frankly we're gonna need your help to clear Auchindoun and save Outland tomorrow. So feel better!"
Classic Niralia. Lir managed a wry grin as she made for the stairs.
The mage called after her. "Oh, oh! I was supposed to remind you that you still owe Puntier fifty gold from that bet about who Coll was going to kill on our last Blackheart the Inciter fight!"
Right. Rub that loss in, too. "The 'support' aspect of your friendship skill set could use a little work, Nir. Good night."