my interpretation of the situation
I go through it over and over in my head, the more I learn.
Thinking of nature, even when something dies, it doesn't really die, it's reborn again in the season that it blooms. Humans are part of nature, why don't we do the same thing?
Through personal experience, I have to believe in a soul. But sometimes what I know about science makes me question if that was just a chemical reaction. I ask myself, then who taught God about chemicals? How can one invisible entity everything? If man was created in the image of God, does God also question, learn, and grow? And if that's the case, how can God really know all. I know, the concept of God is supposed to be difficult for humans to wrap their head around, but darn it, i'm going to try. That last statement also makes me weary when massive groups of people with one label or another claim to know, to have the blueprint written in a Holy text.
If it is true that the Kingdom of God is inside us and all around us (Gospel of Thomas which though the Church refuses to accept, I find to be the most likable and accessible from any other book in the OT or NT)....then why are we distracted by Holy objects. I look at things like the Shroud of Turin and supposed piece of Jesus' cross as distractions. It's like you see it or have been in the presence of it and suddenly you get bragging rights. If the spirit of God, or Jesus, is inside of us all, then we're all just as "valuable" and holy as those objects. And shouldn't our actions be carried out in such a manner, also realizing that the spirit is all around us, in nature and in individuals.
I just am more of the thought that we have a responsibility to be the best people we can be here on Earth. And not to "get" to Heaven, or some other kind of place you "earn" and "pay" your way to, but because we owe it to ourselves, and therefore God. I don't mean that in a nilhlistic way at all, btw.
If you can breathe your last breath and have no regrets in the way you lived your life, have no pain or anger or resentment in your heart, that is a good life.
I get this cold pit in my stomach when I say to myself "someday I will die", and even though right now I can't say i'm of one faith or another, or even have an idea about what comes next, i'm going to try to live my life without regrets, not carelessly or foolishly, but to make the most of everyday and every experience, and learn as much as I can.
I am just saying, you shouldn't have faith in a God or an afterlife if you're only believing it to secure a spot in a world of the afterlife. And if I go to hell because I was a good person but didn't declare myself a certain label of faith, then that is a huge let down, and I would hope that God would be way more advanced than that.
Sometimes I wish my faith came easily like it seemingly has for others. This struggle is hard and scary and sometimes i cry in fear and worry and utter helplessness. But I feel like at the end of this struggle, once my faith is secure, it will be that much more meaningful and important.