Butterfly Seasons Chapter Seven - Friendly Poking and Prodding

[dancinggoldfish]

Title: Butterfly Seasons
Author: Laliath (aka dancinggoldfish/Irelynne/Anya)
Rating: T/M (language, thematic elements later on)
Timeframe: MWPP
Summary: Lily Evans is a prefect who happens to have a lot on her plate: her sister's getting married to a jerk, James Potter won't leave her alone, and there are way too many rumors going around. Just one of those would

Comments

[aroniwen]

Hmmm, you don't let us forget that they're 17 and therefore capable of creating more hormone driven angst out of truely minor insults than seems possible to anyone who isn't 17. I like that, I'm tired of reading fics where they all act like mature 30 year olds.

Still, the dialogue seemed a bit... off. It's formal and overly explanatory, like they're talking to the readers instead of interacting with eachother.

Good job though, very entertaining! Keep up the good work.

[dancinggoldfish]

Thanks, for both the compliment and the comment. I have noticed that problem, always after the fact of course ;p Anyway, thank you so much for your comment (and sorry about the delay in replying). I'm going to try and have a new chapter up soon :D

[anonymous]

I agree with aroniwen's comment about the converstaion a bit too formal. I don't think a lot of teenagers use formality too much, in fact they just use "normal" words to conversate. But other than that i really like this story. It's different than the other stories since you could really see the struggle and the vocabulary makes it much interesting. Great job!

[dancinggoldfish]

Thank you for your comment! I appreciated how well-thought out it was, made me think to. You're right - teenagers use "normal" words to converse. Of course this was back in the 70s, and in the more formal wizarding world, but it is something I'm working on making better. I'm trying to update soon, so check back! :D

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