Stargate SG1: What Dreams May Come (5/21)

[brihana25]

All disclaimers, notes, warnings and summary are in the Master post: What Dreams May Come


Chapter Five

"Okay, Teal'c, let's put him down for a minute. Carter, dial us up. Let's get Sleeping Beauty here to the Doc."

Carter moved off toward the DHD, and Jack stretched his arms above his head. "You know, he doesn't look like he weighs that much, does he?" Jack glanced across at Teal'c. He noticed that the Jaffa seemed distracted, and he gripped his weapon and stepped forward. "Teal'c?"

"Something is wrong in this place, O'Neill," Teal'c answered carefully. "I feel as though we are being watched, but there is no one present."

Jack looked around the empty plain; Teal'c was right. The land, flat and vacant, stretched all the way to the horizon. Had there been anyone but the four of them, they would have been immediately visible.

Suddenly, Jack felt a wave of cold wash over him; it chilled him to the core. He shivered, and out of the corners of his eyes he saw Teal'c and Carter doing the same. "What was that?"

Before either of them could answer, Jack felt another sensation building within him-pure, unadulterated terror. There was no rational explanation for it, but he suddenly wanted nothing more than to jump through the gate and be gone from this planet-yesterday.

"Sir!" He heard Sam's frantic shout from behind him. "Daniel!"

Jack pushed the fear aside and looked down to where Daniel lay on the stretcher. Jack's vision began to darken again, and he wiped at his eyes impatiently. He blinked rapidly, but the shadows that danced before his eyes did not fade. Instead, they seemed to grow and merge and change shape. In less than a heartbeat, the darkness had formed a vaguely familiar shape-and it was hovering right over Daniel.

Suddenly, Daniel's eyes shot open and he gasped in a single deep breath. His whole body jerked once violently, slumped back to the ground, and then became completely still. His eyes fell shut as his chest sank slowly, and the sound of the air escaping his lips carried all the way to Jack's ears. The darkness in Jack's vision dissipated and then was gone.

It was then that they all realized that Daniel's chest wasn't rising again.

"No!" Jack cried. He lurched forward and tripped over his own feet, which seemed somehow strangely immobile. He hit the ground with an audible thud and called out to Sam. "Get that damn gate open! Now!" Jack pushed himself to his knees and scrambled forward clumsily-his hands were as awkward as his feet. He heard Carter behind him, pressing the symbols on the DHD rapidly. Teal'c's measured footsteps approached him from the other direction.

Jack reached Daniel's side first, and immediately leaned down. He strained his ears to hear sounds of breaths that he knew Daniel was no longer drawing, and he glanced up at Teal'c.

"Get ready to run," Jack said.

Teal'c assumed Jack's former position at the head of the stretcher, and Jack rose to his knees. He pinched Daniel's nose shut and tipped his head back, leaned down, and blew two even breaths into the younger man's lungs. He straightened back up and pressed two fingers against the side of Daniel's neck to check his pulse.

He didn't have one.

"Damn it!" Jack shouted. "Carter!"

Teal'c looked down in response to Jack's frantic shout, and in front of them the wormhole kawooshed into existence. Carter sent the identification code through as she ran back to her team. She took her place at the end of the stretcher and reached down to grab the handles.

"Wait!" Jack called out. "One second!"

Jack clasped his hands together and pressed down on Daniel's chest five times in rapid succession. He heard and felt the bones snapping beneath his fingers, but forced himself to ignore them. Daniel wasn't breathing and his heart wasn't beating; a couple of broken ribs were the least of his worries.

Jack checked Daniel's pulse again, and again there was nothing.

"Go! Go!" he ordered Carter and Teal'c. They lifted the stretcher between them and bolted for the gate. As they ran, Jack pinched Daniel's nose closed and tipped his head back once more. "Come on, Daniel. Come on!"

Sam slowed her pace slightly as she approached the event horizon. Jack looked up and his mind clicked through the events of the past several moments. He tried to remember where it had all gone so suddenly and horribly wrong, but the memories escaped him. He knew that he had seen something important, a clue as to what had happened to Daniel, but before he could grasp it, it too was gone, and not even the sensation of an absent memory remained.

As he watched Carter disappear into the wormhole, only one thought occupied Jack's mind-Daniel needed help. He knew how he had been injured, and he knew what they had done. No other details of their aborted mission survived.

Determined to give Daniel every chance he could, Jack took a deep breath and exhaled into Daniel's lungs just before they stepped through.

The first word George Hammond heard when SG-1 exited the gate was the one he always most hoped not to hear.

"Medic!"

Even if Hammond had not known his people so well, he would have thought Sam Carter close to panic. As she continued down the ramp, Hammond understood the reason for her distress. Sam was carrying one end of a stretcher that was rematerializing behind her. First, the occupant's legs came into view, then his chest, then Jack O'Neill leaning down over him, and then Teal'c carrying the other end.

Jack was obviously doing Daniel Jackson's breathing for him.

"Dear God," Hammond muttered as he ran for the stairs.

As the general rounded the corner, he could hear O'Neill's rapid-fire explanation to Dr. Fraiser. "He was wounded; he got agitated. We sedated him to keep him calm. The sedative should have worn off before we got back to the gate, but it didn't. And while Carter was dialing, he stopped breathing. I tried ... God, Doc, I swear, I tried, but I couldn't. His heart stopped ..."

Janet Fraiser took command of the situation immediately. She climbed up onto the gurney that Daniel had been transferred to and began chest compressions of her own. She took advantage of the few seconds between compressions and shot a glance across her shoulder at the other members of SG-1.

"Colonel O'Neill, I want you to report to the infirmary immediately," she ordered. "Captain Cart-er, Teal'c, you too."

The gurney, Daniel, and Dr. Fraiser disappeared through the door and into the corridor amidst a rush of hurried, yet controlled, medical personnel.

SG-1 gave no signs that they had heard Fraiser's order and they made no move to follow. In fact, they all seemed strangely frozen in place, staring at the suddenly empty door that their fourth member had just been taken through.

General Hammond was surprised that the three hadn't followed Dr. Jackson's gurney into the corridor, and he walked toward them slowly. He glanced at the door that for some reason seemed to hold their undivided attention.

"Colonel O'Neill? What happened to Dr. Jackson?"

Jack shook his head slowly. "I don't know, sir."

"He was injured," Sam added. "But he was fine. We sedated him because he was agitated." She shook her head and wrinkled her forehead in confusion. "He should have been fine."

Hammond turned back to Jack. "Colonel?"

"I can't explain it, sir," Jack said. "One minute he was fine, and the next he was ..."

"Not," Teal'c finished.

Hammond nodded in understanding. "We'll debrief later. For now, I believe that I heard Dr. Fraiser order all three of you to the infirmary."

"General ..."

"Colonel." Hammond softened his tone and continued. "He's in the infirmary, Jack. It's the best place for him to be right now. It's also the best place for you to be right now. Go. Get checked out and rest, maybe get something to eat, and let Dr. Fraiser take care of Dr. Jackson."

Forty-five minutes later, freshly released from the infirmary, Jack led the two remaining members of his team into the Briefing Room.

All three of them had been immediately diagnosed as being in shock. They seemed distracted, distant, they stared blankly into space as though they were seeing something where nothing was. Teal'c was quick to anger, Sam was quick to cry, and Jack was noticeably trembling.

Jack's care had been overseen by one of the nurses, and he sported a fresh, clean bandage on his right temple as evidence of that fact. He'd been prodded and poked a bit more than he felt necessary after he mentioned the staff weapon blast, but the nurse had assured him that his vital signs were within acceptable parameters. His shock symptoms had been treated with efficiency and precision.

Two other nurses had ministered to Sam and Teal'c with offers of warm blankets and sedatives. Sam accepted the blanket, Teal'c did not, and they both categorically refused the sedative.

All three went through the routine of the post-mission physical-MRIs, EEGs, blood tests, cardiac scans, and a normal examination. All three were declared healthy and told that their bodies needed rest.

General Hammond had summoned them to the Briefing Room almost immediately after they'd finished in the infirmary, and he sat in his seat, waiting for them, as they entered.

"Colonel," he said in greeting. "I trust that you and your team are in good health?"

"Um, yeah," Jack answered. He put his hands on the surface of the table and lowered himself slowly into his chair. He glanced up at Sam and Teal'c and watched them take their seats across from him. "Yeah, we're all fine. We still don't know about ..."

Jack's voice faded as he stared at the empty chair on his right, the chair that Daniel should have been sitting in, but wasn't. Jack closed his eyes and shook his head as he tried to understand what was going on in his mind. This was far from the first time that Daniel had been unable to attend a debriefing because of injuries, so why was he so upset? They'd heard nothing from the infirmary that gave them any reason to doubt that Daniel would be fine-in fact, they'd heard nothing from the infirmary at all.

"You would think we would have heard something by now," Sam said.

Jack spun to face her and tilted his head in surprise. How could she have possibly ...?

"The condition of Daniel Jackson is of primary concern to all of us," Teal'c added. "It is understandable that we are all thinking of him."

Jack turned toward Teal'c slowly and raised his eyebrows. Were they reading his mind? Or were his emotions displaying that clearly on his face?

"You are visibly concerned, O'Neill," Teal'c said. He lowered his eyebrows, giving Jack the impression that even Teal'c was becoming unsettled by his apparent ability to answer Jack's thoughts. "As are we all, I am certain," he continued, though his voice lacked any certainty at all.

For his part, Jack was beginning to find the entire conversation disturbing.

"We just know each other well," Sam said softly. "And we're all worried."

Jack turned back to her, and he made no attempt to hide the shock on his face. Sam's only response was to shrug and look down at the table.

Hammond's expression betrayed nothing of his thoughts on the bizarre conversation taking place before him. He cleared his throat.

"Now that we've established that we're all concerned about Dr. Jackson's condition, let's move on to discussing just what caused it."

SG-1 fidgeted in their metal folding chairs. It had been more than an hour since they'd burst through the gate, and they knew no more now than they had then.

The debriefing had been short and not overly informative. Hammond had been less than thrilled to learn that Daniel and Jack's injuries had been the direct result of the actions of their team-mates. He had calmed considerably after Jack had made it clear that neither Sam nor Teal'c had intentionally wounded them. He had remained calm and understanding throughout the explanations about the sedation and the circumstances that had convinced them it was necessary. He had grown visibly concerned when it came to the events immediately preceding Daniel's respiratory arrest and their subsequent trip through the stargate. Most alarming to Hammond, he'd said, was the fact that none of them seemed to be able to remember exactly what had happened.

Jack shared Hammond's concern on that point. The collective memory of his team was something that Jack had come to depend on greatly in the weeks and months that they had been together. If Jack found himself slightly confused about a detail or two of a mission, he could count on at least one of the others-usually more than one of them-filling in the blanks. The fact that there were gaps in their recollections was alarming; the fact that those gaps occurred in the same places for all three of them was disturbing.

Hammond had ended the debriefing with the recommendation that they rest. He'd scheduled another debriefing for the next morning, in the hope that after a sufficient amount of time had passed, they would have recovered enough from their shock symptoms to fill in those missing pieces.

And so they sat in the corridor outside the isolation room in metal folding chairs that one of the nurses had provided for them. Rather, Jack and Sam fidgeted in the chairs. Teal'c sat on the floor across from them with his legs crossed and his eyes closed.

"How much longer is this gonna take?" Jack wondered out loud.

At that moment, they heard the distinctive sound of Janet's footsteps coming toward them. Jack and Sam turned their heads to face her, and Teal'c rose to his feet smoothly. Janet approached them with steps that seemed too even, too measured, too controlled. Her entire posture seemed to be an exercise in professionalism, which made the effort required of her to maintain it all too evident.

Jack felt his stomach jump into his throat before she said a word.

"No," he whispered fiercely, shaking his head.

"Colonel, I'm ..."

"No!" Sam cried out beside him. "No, Doc, that isn't possible."

"Captain ..."

Teal'c didn't speak, but his eyes fell closed and he silently shook his head in defiance.

Janet swallowed hard and forced herself back into a detached, professional mode. "We tried everything we could. We exhausted all of our efforts. But the damage was too extensive ..."

"No!" Jack jumped to his feet with so much force that the chair slammed into the wall behind him. "No, damn it. He's not dead. He can't be dead. He was awake. He was talking to us. He was fine!"

"He wasn't fine, sir ..."

"Oh, my God," Sam gasped. The others in the corridor turned to face her as she covered her mouth with her hand in horror. "We did it, didn't we? We ... we killed him."

"Captain ..." Janet began.

"We did," Sam argued. She waved her hands frantically as she continued. "He was injured. The beam, the staff weapon, the gunshot wounds ... he was hurt too badly. He'd lost blood; he was still bleeding. His heart was too weak. We sedated him. We stopped his heart ..."

Jack's knees buckled and he fell heavily into the chair he had leapt from only seconds before. The dull thud of metal striking concrete echoed through the eerily still corridor. "He begged us," he whispered. His voice was empty, as were his eyes. "He knew. He begged me ... We didn't listen." He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly, trying to ignore the sudden trembling of his hands. "I didn't listen."

"We killed Daniel Jackson."

Silence descended in the corridor. Teal'c moved across the hall, to the empty metal chair at Jack's right side, and lowered himself slowly into it. Janet watched the three faces across from her-the only word to describe them was desolate. All of them seemed frozen, immobile, numb. They thought they'd killed him. Had they? Janet honestly didn't know.

Daniel didn't seem to have been wounded badly enough to account for his death. The two bullet wounds were uncomplicated. They had been cleaned and bandaged, and they should have healed well. There were some broken ribs and damage to his sternum, from the CPR, but neither his lungs nor his heart had been punctured by them. The only unknown factor was the energy from the staff blast that Colonel O'Neill said had been directed back at them. Neither the colonel nor Daniel had any external burn marks or any other obvious signs of having been shot with a staff weapon, but the colonel's description of it had made it sound as though the beam had actually allowed the energy to penetrate their skin and burn them from the inside out. The colonel showed definite signs of nerve damage, but nothing so serious that the rest of his nerves wouldn't be able to compensate for it. And his cardiac readings were almost normal, with only a few minor anomalies.

Had Daniel's heart been damaged more severely than the colonel's? Had his lungs been wea-kened? Had the combination of the staff energy and blood loss slowed his heart enough that, when magnified by the effects of a mild sedative, it had simply stopped beating? She wouldn't know for certain until they performed the autopsy. But there was one more thing that had to be done before the autopsy could be started.

"Colonel, Sam, Teal'c ... if you want a few minutes with him, you can come with me."

The isolation room was dark and strangely empty. The lights had been dimmed, and all of the nurses seemed to have vanished. A familiar form lay in the lone bed in the center of the room. His eyes were closed, and there was a plastic tube running from his mouth to a machine on his right. In the near silence of the darkness, only two sounds could be heard-a slight whooshing noise that matched the rise and fall of Daniel's chest, and a faint beeping that sounded in perfect time with the jagged green line on the heart monitor.

Daniel was breathing. His heart was beating.

SG-1 felt their hearts leap into their throats, and they looked at each other in relief.

"He's alive," Sam whispered.

"Daniel Jackson lives."

"Yes! He's back!"

Jack started across the room, but stopped when Janet placed a gentle hand on his arm. He looked down at her, and sad brown eyes looked back at him.

"It's not him, Colonel. It's the machines. He's on life support."

Jack flinched away from Janet's hand as if her fingers burned him where they touched. "No," he hissed. "You hooked him up to a bunch of machines?"

"You have to understand, Colonel, we did everything we could to save him. And in the absence of a DNR ..."

"He has one," Jack interrupted quietly.

"What?" Janet stared back at him in shock, but Jack didn't seem to notice. His eyes were locked on the rise and fall of Daniel's chest across the room.

"DNR, that means 'Do not resuscitate,' right? A living will kinda thing? No heroic measures?"

Janet nodded slowly. "Yes, sir."

"He has one. After the whole thing with Nem, and not knowing what to do with his stuff, or even who had to make the decisions ..." Jack turned back to Janet slowly. "He signed it two days ago. He filed it right before we left."

Janet's eyes widened, and she felt the blood draining from her face. "Oh, my God," she gasped. "I didn't know. He didn't have one on the day of his pre-mission physical, and I didn't even ..." The full extent of her mistake dawned on her in perfect clarity, and as she looked at the three horrified faces in front of her, she realized that they understood it too.

One of them would have to grant consent to turn the machines off.

"Power of attorney?" she asked softly.

The silence was deafening, the intermittent beeping and whooshing of the life support machines unbearable. After a heartbeat that felt like an eternity, the whispered response she had been waiting for was given.

"Me."

Sam's breath hitched in her throat, and Teal'c stiffened visibly behind him. Jack felt their agony as acutely as he felt his own. He knew that it would be difficult for them to stand beside him and watch Daniel die, but he envied them all the same. They would only stand and watch.

The order that would take Daniel's life would come from him.

Janet sighed deeply and closed her eyes. "Colonel, I'm ..."

"Don't!" Jack snapped. "Don't tell me you're sorry, okay? I know you're sorry. But at the moment, Doc, I really don't give a damn."

Janet flinched as though Jack had smacked her, and she stepped away from him. She seemed uncertain of where to go or what to do, and under normal circumstances Jack would have felt for her dismay. As it was, Jack could barely stand to look at her. He was going to be forced to order her to kill Daniel, and it was all because of a mistake she had made. With one last glance at SG-1, she walked to the side of Daniel's bed and took up a position beside the machines. She stood in silence and waited.

Sam was trying her best to keep herself together, and Jack appreciated her effort. Even so, her eyes brimmed with moisture and her soft breathing hitched in her throat every few seconds as she swallowed the lump that Jack knew was sitting in the back of her throat-a lump that was identical to the one that was lodged firmly in his. Teal'c was making a better show of being unemotional, but to anyone who knew him well, the depth of his despair was only too obvious. Teal'c's face was calm, but his dark eyes expressed the same sorrow and pain that Jack knew were showing in his own.

"I know this is gonna be hard ..." he began, but stopped himself. How did he do this? There were no words that would make what he was about to do, what they were about to watch him do, any easier. So what was the point in trying?

"He doesn't want this," Jack blurted out suddenly. "Machines, tubes, wires ... that's all he is now. And he didn't want to be. He never wanted this."

Teal'c nodded solemnly. "It is understandable."

Jack turned to Sam, and he knew immediately what she was thinking. He could see it written so plainly in her eyes. He wanted to do nothing more than tell her to keep her mouth shut-don't say it, Carter, please-but he didn't. He had to let her get it out. She needed to say it, and he and Teal'c needed to hear it.

"We have to kill him again," she whispered. Her voice threatened to break with every word. "We already killed him once, and now we have to do it again."

Jack shook his head. "We didn't kill him, Carter. And we aren't going to now."

Jack turned his head and risked a glance across his shoulder. The illusion was so perfect-it would be so easy to believe it. Daniel's heart was beating steadily, and his chest was rising and falling evenly. Blood ran through his veins, and oxygen moved in and out of his lungs. His face had color and looked so peaceful in its repose. He looked for all the world like he was sleeping, only sleeping, and could awaken at any moment. But he never would.

Daniel was dead.

"I killed him," Jack finished softly. "And I have to do it again."

Sam swallowed audibly, and Jack closed his eyes against the ache that pounded behind them. He drew in a quivering breath. His hands were trembling again, and his chest felt as though someone had reached in, wrapped their hand around his heart, and squeezed. He pushed the feelings down, suppressing them to be dealt with later, when he was alone. Once he felt that he had himself and his emotions under control, he lifted his head and opened his eyes. He exhaled sharply and forced his feet to carry him to the side of the bed, to where Daniel's body lay in its perfect imitation of slumber. Jack looked down at Daniel, and then back across his shoulder to where he expected Sam and Teal'c to be.

They weren't there.

Jack spun back toward the door and saw them still standing there. Sam had obviously lost the small amount of control she'd managed to keep before, and Teal'c was attempting to comfort her.

"Carter?" Jack asked softly. He took one small step back toward her. "Sam?"

Sam looked up at him and shook her head. "I can't, sir ... I can't do this. I can't watch you do this." She backed away slowly, never taking her eyes from Jack's face. "I'm sorry, sir. I just ... I just can't ..."

Jack felt a sudden emptiness rip open inside of him as Sam turned on her heel and ran away from the infirmary.

"Sam, no!"

Teal'c looked at Jack, then down at Daniel, and then up again. "I shall go with Captain Carter," he explained softly as he backed toward the door. "To make certain that she is well."

Jack felt the emptiness inside grow wider and deeper as Teal'c quickened his pace, and then Teal'c too was gone.

"Teal'c, wait!"

The only answer Jack received was more of the beeping and whooshing from the machines at Janet's side.

Jack closed his eyes and tried to push the emptiness away. He rubbed his forehead with his fingers as the ache behind his eyes began to throb. Daniel was dead, Carter and Teal'c were gone, and Janet was still standing on the other side of Daniel's bed, looking at him in pity and anticipation. He wanted nothing more than to join Carter and Teal'c, to run from the room as quickly as possible, to allow himself a release for the emotions that were returning to the surface, threaten-ing to dissolve his carefully constructed, and completely superficial, air of control. He refused to give in to the temptation, and steeled himself to give the order that he knew needed to be given. The order that would kill Daniel's body and let him go once and for all. No deposit, no return.

Au revoir, Daniel Jackson.

Daniel wanted this, Jack reminded himself. Daniel deserved this-death with dignity. Daniel trusted him to do this.

Jack looked down at the peaceful face on the pillow, and brushed a stray strand of hair away from eyes that would never open again. "He's not ..." Jack swallowed and closed his eyes again. He forced down tears that he would not allow to fall. "He's not in any pain, is he?"

Janet shook her head slowly. "No, sir."

"And you're sure?" Jack had one shred of hope left that some way, somehow, Daniel would manage to pull through. How badly he wanted the illusion of life to be real. "He's never going to wake up?"

Janet shook her head again. "No."

Jack bit the inside of his bottom lip, and once more pushed his emotions as far down as they would go. After a long, shaky breath, he spoke again. "He didn't want this. Machines, and ..." Jack sighed. "No, that's not right. He didn't care about what it would mean for him. He didn't want us to have to do this."

Janet nodded. "I know, sir. If I'd known an hour ago ..." She stopped and drew in a quivering breath of her own. "I'm sorry."

Jack looked up and opened his mouth to give the order, but the words wouldn't leave his mouth. He felt something, deep inside his mind-something all too eerily familiar. His head was pound-ing now and his ears were beginning to ring. He looked down at the peaceful face, and found himself somehow surprised that Daniel's eyes weren't open. A glance across at the life support machines served to remind him of just how permanent the situation was. He opened his mouth once more, but again wasn't able to force his tongue to form the words.

"I can't, ..." he began. He jumped slightly in surprise at the sound of his own voice. "I can't do this right now." He lifted his head and glanced at Janet across the bed. "Do I have to do this right now?"

"No, sir," Janet answered softly. "But the longer you wait, the harder it will become."

Jack nodded quickly. "Yeah, I just ... it doesn't feel right. Not right now. Carter and Teal'c aren't here, and ... Can I wait until the morning?"

"Yes, sir. That's all right."

Jack nodded again, and then turned his head quickly back toward Daniel. "But you're sure, right? He's not in pain?"

"No, sir," came the quiet reply. "There's no pain."

"Okay, then." Jack pulled himself up, took a deep breath, and with more surety than he felt said, "In the morning. When Carter and Teal'c can be here ... to tell him goodbye ..."

Jack spun on his heel and walked out of the room as quickly, and with as much dignity, as possible.

The elevator doors had barely closed behind him before the tears were streaming down his face and he was trying his damnedest to put his fist through the wall.

By the time Sam reached her lab, tears were streaming down her face, and her harsh breathing was more from the sobs that tore themselves from her throat than from the running. She heard Teal'c walk up behind her and stand in the door, almost as though he were unwilling to intrude on her grief. No ... it was their grief.

Daniel was dead.

"What's wrong with me, Teal'c?" she asked without turning around. "Why am I acting like this?"

Teal'c took a moment to close the door quietly, and stepped further into the room. "In what way is your behavior a mystery to you?"

Sam spun suddenly and waved her arms wildly. "All of it! Everything! I know what death is, Teal'c. I'm a soldier; I've lost team members before. I know exactly what it feels like and how to handle it. But this ..."

"You believe that your emotions are unreasonable."

"Exactly! I'm crying like a baby, I'm borderline hysterical, and I can't even ..." Sam closed her eyes briefly and then opened them to look at Teal'c again. "I can't stand there and watch him die, Teal'c. Not again. I can't do that again."

After a few seconds of silence, Teal'c spoke softly. "Nor can I, Captain Carter."

Sam was shocked. "See, Teal'c, that's not normal. Not for me, and definitely not for you."

"Agreed."

Sam threw her arms up in defeat. "What's going on here, Teal'c? Why can't we do this?"

"I am as perplexed as you, Captain Carter."

"We know this is what he wants ... I mean, doesn't want. We were there; we all talked about it. We heard what he said, we watched him sign it, we watched the colonel sign it ..." When Sam turned her face back up to Teal'c, her eyes were again filled with tears. "Why can't we do this? And why am I standing here crying when I need to be in the infirmary telling him goodbye?"

"Because you feel that this is one thing you cannot do," Teal'c answered simply. He drew his shoulders up straighter and raised his head. "I am experiencing the same difficulty."

Sam closed her eyes and tried to stop the tears from falling. She failed.

"God, Teal'c, this feels ... it just feels so wrong! I know he's dead. We killed him! We're the reason he's dead. I gave him the shot myself, and the whole time, he was looking at me and begging me not to, and I ignored him ..." Sam crumpled. Teal'c suddenly appeared at her side, wrapped his strong arms around her and gathered her against his chest. "I killed him, Teal'c. Me. I put that ... that damn needle in his arm ... I killed him. It was me ..."

Sam felt the hair on the back of her neck begin to rise. Her fingers tingled and a familiar, yet different, pressure started to build in her chest. A prickling sensation spread across her back. She heard a ringing in her ears, like the insistent buzzing of an insect, but it was not an uncomfortable sound. It was comforting, soothing, almost forgiving ... and strangely familiar.

Sam jerked her head up from Teal'c's chest. "What was that?"

Teal'c looked back down at her and raised an eyebrow. "I said nothing."

"I thought I felt ... I mean, I heard ..." Sam felt her chest suddenly filled with an overwhelming sense of hope, and she pressed on. "Is it possible, Teal'c ...? What if we're ...? Could Daniel be ...?"

Sam felt Teal'c shaking his head. "I am sorry, Captain Carter. Daniel Jackson is dead."

Sam slumped back against Teal'c again. The hope was gone, having been smothered by a rapidly descending sense of desolation. She nodded slightly. "I know he is, Teal'c. I know."

Teal'c tipped his head to the side and strained his ears. The only sounds that came back to him were the sounds of Sam's lab and her shaking breath. He too had thought that he had heard something, a buzzing or humming noise, but he dismissed it. His emotions were far more intense than he was accustomed to, and it was beginning to have an effect on his symbiote. The Goa'uld larva in his belly squirmed and wiggled, causing Teal'c's unease to grow. He needed to kel-no-reem, and he needed to do it soon. He worried, though, that even that might not be enough to clear his mind.

"Daniel Jackson is dead," he repeated softly.

Teal'c tightened his arms around Sam's sobbing shoulders, leaned his cheek against the top of her head, and closed his eyes.

The buzzing, humming, ringing sound in their ears faded away.