Stargate SG1: What Dreams May Come (6/21)
All disclaimers, notes, warnings and summary are in the Master post: What Dreams May Come
Chapter Six
"Aynad? Can you hear me?"
Daniel had never attempted such long-distance communication with his friend and companion before. He knew that they could hear each other from the gate to the temple because they had done that before, but from the temple all the way to Earth? It was a long-shot. The entire plan was risky, but when Daniel had realized that Belos was preventing them from reaching SG-1 through all other channels, he'd known there was no other choice.
He and Aynad had split up, something that none of the other ten had ever done. Aynad had gone with the twelfth Daniel Jackson, to protect him and to teach him what he could in the short amount of time they had to work with, and the eleventh Daniel Jackson had gone off on his own, to do what he could to thwart Belos' plans. They had planned to communicate with each other as often as possible, but neither of them had known if it would even be possible.
"Aynad?"
"It is good to hear your voice, my friend," Aynad finally answered.
Daniel allowed himself the time for a sigh of relief before asking the questions that he needed the answers to. Those answers would determine exactly how he proceeded from this point.
"Do you have him with you, Aynad?" Daniel asked. "Did you get him away?"
"He is here," Aynad answered.
"And Belos?"
"He did not follow," Aynad said. "We are safe from him, for the moment. But should he find a way to follow us ..."
"I know, Aynad," Daniel interrupted. "Believe me, I know."
There was a short silence as Aynad considered his next words, and Daniel was certain that he knew what they would be. They'd had this conversation before they had separated.
"I do not believe that acting in the manner we did was wise, my friend. We should have proceeded in the usual fashion. We should have stayed together."
Daniel shook his head. "No, we did the right thing. This situation isn't the normal one. The fact that I still exist means that Belos hasn't won yet. We can still stop him." Daniel looked around at the familiar surroundings for a moment, repeating his last statement in his mind until he'd almost convinced himself again. Things were not proceeding quite as smoothly as he'd believed they would, and he was beginning to fear that nothing he did would make any difference. He couldn't even... However, following that line of thinking to its logical end or sharing his misgivings with Aynad wouldn't do any of them any good, so he changed the subject.
"How is he?"
He heard Aynad sigh, a sound that was strange to his ears. The alien man was definitely beginning to adopt the habits of the human he'd found himself sharing the same three weeks with over and over again.
"He is confused," Aynad said. "I have not yet had a chance to fully explain the situation; he is convinced that I am nothing more than a dream. He is weak, of course; his injuries are great. But he is as strong as you, my friend. And he fights alongside of us even now, though he does not understand what it is he is fighting for."
"You'll get through to him," Daniel said.
"I think it more likely that he will attempt to develop his own theories to explain what has happened to him."
Daniel chuckled. "I did that."
"You think it odd that he would act in the same manner?" Aynad asked, his tone light. "You are, after all, the same man."
Daniel shook his head as memories of the last three weeks of his existence crashed down around him - watching Belos kill Sam and Teal'c without so much as a thought, listening to Belos taunt him before he did the same to Jack, hearing his own voice make an promise to a dying man who couldn't even hear him, "This won't happen again, Jack. I swear to you, this will never happen again..."
"No, Aynad, we're not the same man. He has never lost them, the way I did. And he never will."
"My friend, I am afraid that I must end this conversation," Aynad said suddenly. "Daniel is alone, and frightened, and I must go to him. I must make him understand, if he is to do what needs to be done."
"Go then, Aynad. He needs your help."
"You will be well in what it is that you do, my friend?"
"I'll be fine, Aynad. I'll contact you again as soon as I can."
"Be well, Daniel," Aynad said.
"You too, Aynad. Take care of him, so he can protect them when the time comes."
Jack's sleep was slow in coming, and fitful when it finally did arrive. There was no respite for him in it. The dreams, when they came, did nothing to soothe him. His mind was filled with visions of Daniel, alive and well, years in the future. Daniel-smiling beside his wife and laughing with his children. But these things would never come to pass. In the back of his mind, coloring and distorting the glimpses of the future that Daniel would never have, the memory of Daniel drawing his last breath remained. Daniel's eyes, filled with pain and panic as he begged them not to sedate him. Daniel's unheeded pleading to let him stay awake. Daniel imploring them to believe him, to believe in him. Daniel, knowing then what they all knew now-if he went to sleep, he'd never wake up.
And through it all, Daniel's voice, indistinct and echoing in his dream, was filling his mind with absolution, even now.
"I don't blame you, Jack."
Jack swallowed hard. He did not deserve Daniel's forgiveness and he would not accept it, but he did not reject it. He concentrated on the voice behind the words and tried to burn it as deeply into his memory as was possible. He knew that eventually he would forget what Daniel's voice had sounded like; he wanted to remember it for as long as he possibly could.
"And I don't know why I'm even telling you. It won't make you feel any better. It's not like you can hear me, after all. No one can. If you could, you'd have heard me screaming in the isolation room."
"Daniel ..."
"I don't even really know why I'm here. I thought I had it all figured out, but I was wrong. I was so wrong. And we're both going to pay for my mistake."
The visions, future and past, faded, and Jack found himself standing alone in darkness, with nothing but his dream of Daniel's voice for company. "You didn't kill me, Jack. I know you can't hear me, but please, tell Sam and Teal'c that you didn't kill me. No one killed me."
"God, Danny, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault, Jack."
Jack felt the tears rolling down his cheeks, though he knew his body was still sleeping. He felt disconnected, trapped somewhere between the dream and reality, and Daniel's voice was so clear now-almost as if he were standing right behind him. Jack turned around, and the fog-filled blackness faded away.
Jack smiled.
"Hey, Daniel."
"Jack?"
"So now I'm talking to your ghost?"
"No, Jack. I'm not a ghost." The dream-Daniel's voice sounded somehow hopeful, whereas before it had sounded resigned. "It's me. It's really me. Can you hear me? See me?"
Jack's mind tried to believe what the dream-Daniel was saying to him, but he was unable to argue with the truth of what he had seen in the infirmary. "I'm hallucinating ... dreaming. You're not real. You're dead."
"No, Jack," the dream-Daniel answered. He pushed his hair behind his ears impatiently, and his voice became insistent. "It's me. I'm real. I'm not dead. I'm still alive, and oh, God, Jack, you can hear me! I'm here!" Dream-Daniel extended his hand toward Jack imploringly. "Help me! Please!"
Jack felt his heart jump into his throat. Could it be true? Could the body in the infirmary, the one that lived and breathed only because of machines, be a lie?
"How ...?"
"I'm alive, Jack. I'm here. I can't explain what's going on, but don't let them kill me. Believe in me! Please!" The voice sounded so full of pain, so desperate.
Jack reached out blindly into the suddenly swelling darkness of his dream. "Daniel ..."
"Jack!" The blackness continued to grow, and Jack stepped forward, still reaching out for the dream-Daniel's outstretched hand. A huge black shadow loomed behind Daniel's back, and before Jack could shout out a warning, it had wrapped itself around Daniel's chest and arms and was pulling him into itself. "Jack, help me!"
"Daniel?"
"Believe in me!" Daniel's cry echoed in Jack's mind as the blackness swallowed him completely.
"Daniel!"
Jack was sitting straight up in his bunk with his eyes wide open. His heart pounded in his ears and his breath came in ragged gasps. He could feel the drying tears on his cheeks.
"Colonel?"
The soft voice at the door was followed by an impossibly loud knock.
"O'Neill? Are you unwell?"
Jack shook his head quickly to clear it and wiped the last remnants of tears from his face as he pushed himself to his feet. "I'm fine, Teal'c," he answered. He walked to the door and pulled it open. "It was ..." Jack trailed off, and turned his thoughts inward again. Daniel wasn't dead? Was it possible? Could it be true?
"Sir?" Sam's soft voice pulled Jack's attention back to his teammates standing in front of him. Their faces looked as haggard as he imagined his to be, and he could tell that their night hadn't been much easier than his had been. The fact that they were standing outside his door told him that they'd already been to the infirmary, so they knew that he hadn't given the order yet. The dream came back to him in vivid detail, and he couldn't help but wonder-had they seen Daniel too? But if they had, there would be hope on their faces, wouldn't there?
There was nothing there-nothing there but pain and desperation.
"A dream," Jack whispered. He shook his head slowly and felt the last vestiges of hope escape him. He lowered his head and fixed his eyes on the floor as a new sense of dread gripped his heart. "It was just a dream."
The three of them stood in the silent corridor, looking at each other. No one spoke, but each knew what the others were feeling. None of them wanted to do what they all knew needed to be done. Daniel was gone; the only thing left of him was the body in the infirmary-a body with an artificial heartbeat and lungs that only moved because a machine forced oxygen into them. Officially it fell to Jack O'Neill to make the decision, but they would all do it together.
Their last act as SG-1 would be to let Daniel go.
Sam drew a deep, shaking breath and looked across at Jack. "Sir?"
Jack nodded, and looked from Sam to Teal'c and back again. "Yeah."
Jack took a ragged breath and steeled himself against the inevitable. Without another word, he turned and headed toward the infirmary. He didn't turn to see if Sam and Teal'c had followed him; he could feel them behind him. He imagined that he felt Daniel back there with them, pleading with them to stop ... but it had been a dream.
Nothing but a dream.
There would be no reprieve for SG-1 this time. There was no Goa'uld waiting in orbit to bring Daniel back from the dead. There were no Nox to revive him. No implanted memories of his demise, no hypnosis-induced answers to his fate, and no fish-men to return him to them.
Daniel was dead. And it was time to let him go.
Jack stood at attention at Daniel's side, with Teal'c and Sam on either side of him. General Hammond stood equally as rigid at the foot of the bed; his bloodshot eyes betrayed the fact that he hadn't slept much more than SG-1 had. Janet stood across from them, her hands clasped in front of her. The machines responsible for the illusion of life in Daniel's body beeped rhythmically beside her.
The sound of General Hammond clearing his throat shattered the solemn silence of the room. Only Janet turned toward him.
"There are no words that will give comfort at a time like this," Hammond began softly. "We know the risks we take every day, and we say we accept them. We say we understand them, but when we lose someone we've grown close to, we realize that we could never be prepared for the reality of it." Hammond swallowed hard before continuing. "Dr. Jackson gave his life in the pursuit of knowledge, and to help preserve the future of this planet." The silence that descended again was broken by a quiet, emotional, "We'll miss you, son."
Janet gently laid her hand on Daniel's arm and forced herself to smile down at him. "Goodbye, Daniel."
Teal'c drew himself up to his full height before bowing deeply to the body of his friend. "You have been our friend, Daniel Jackson, and we are grateful for that. Your presence here will be sorely missed."
Sam was shaking and tears were rolling down her cheeks as she leaned forward to press her lips gently against Daniel's forehead. "We're so sorry, Daniel," she managed through her tears. "We'll miss you so much."
Jack waited for Sam to straighten back up before taking one step forward. He looked down at Daniel, and felt dread again building in his chest. He swallowed the emotions that threatened to steal his voice and forced himself to speak. "We'll find her for you, Daniel," he promised softly. "We won't stop looking." Jack absently brushed the stray hairs away from Daniel's forehead, and then chuckled lightly. "You never could keep that hair out of your eyes, could you?"
A memory flashed in Jack's mind, an impression of Daniel impatiently tucking his hair behind his ears. "Jack, it's me. I'm real. I'm not dead ..."
Jack jumped back to reality with a start. It had been a dream-wishful thinking-just a dream.
Jack heard Sam's quiet sobs behind him, and he raised his eyes to meet Janet's. He glanced back down at Daniel's face once more, closed his eyes, and nodded.
All at once, Jack's mind exploded. He saw everything that was happening around him with perfect clarity. The world moved in slow motion, and Jack saw it all as if he were seeing through two sets of eyes-his own and Daniel's, just as it had been when they'd been trapped in the beam together. Sam and Teal'c seemed frozen in the moment, and both of their faces were suddenly devoid of color. Jack could see their lips moving, both mouthing Daniel's name as if in a dream ... the dream ...
"No!" Jack heard in his mind. "God, Jack, no!"
Janet's hand was moving toward the switch that would turn off the machines that kept Daniel's body alive; her finger inched ever closer to its unacceptable destination.
Jack could see his own face, and Carter's and Teal'c's, from across the bed. He saw the room as it would appear to someone standing at Janet's right side, but the mixed perspectives didn't confuse him. They seemed to lay over each other perfectly, and Jack's mind saw the differing points of view as two puzzle pieces that had fallen into place. Each perspective lacked details that the other had, and they fit together seamlessly.
Jack lifted his head and found himself staring directly into his own eyes-eyes that stared back at him from the other side of the bed, eyes that didn't belong to him, but were still his.
"Daniel?"
"Believe in me, Jack!"
"No!" Jack cried out suddenly. He lunged forward across the bed, reaching out for Janet's hand with no hope of actually touching her. "Stop!"
Janet froze in place; her fingers hovered barely an inch above the switch. "Colonel?"
"Don't do it!" Jack ordered. He pushed his way past Teal'c, and ran around the end of the bed, past a stunned George Hammond. "Doc, don't turn those machines off. Don't kill him."
"Colonel O'Neill?" Hammond asked. "What are you doing?"
Jack skidded to a stop at Janet's side and turned to look back at his commanding officer. "I'm not quite sure I know, sir. But we can't do this."
"But, Colonel ..." Janet began.
"He's not dead, Doc," Jack said. All at once he felt the despair and dread that had gripped his heart disappear. He felt hope return and he knew without question that he was right. It was true. Somehow, some way ... it was true.
"Daniel's not dead."
"Colonel, he's dead," Janet insisted. "There is absolutely no way for him to recover from this."
"I know that," Jack said. "I know. His body's dead. I can see that. But his mind is alive."
"Colonel, he's dead," Janet repeated.
"Enough!" Hammond nearly bellowed. "This argument is pointless. Doctor, is there any possibility that Dr. Jackson might be able to recover?"
"No, sir," Janet answered with a shake of her head. "Absolutely not. If it weren't for the life support, he'd have died last night."
"All right. Colonel O'Neill, do you grant consent for the termination of Dr. Jackson's life support?"
"No!" Jack answered. "Not while he's still alive."
"Then it would seem that we have ourselves a standoff," Hammond observed. He rose from the chair he'd fallen into after Jack O'Neill's pronouncement. "Dr. Fraiser, a word, if you please."
Janet nodded and led the way out the door. She motioned the general out ahead of her and then turned back to Jack. "Think about what you're doing, Colonel. Please." The door closed behind them, and they were gone.
"O'Neill, your behavior has become most disturbing," Teal'c announced.
"Colonel, you can't do this to him!" Sam declared at the same time.
Jack sighed and turned back to them, unable to conceal the hopeful smile. "But he's alive. His mind, his heart, everything he is-he's still alive. Why would you want me to kill him?"
"He's already gone, sir," Sam insisted. "You have got to let him go."
"It is Daniel Jackson's right to leave this life in a dignified manner."
Jack nodded quickly. "Yeah, well it's also his right to decide if he's not quite ready to do that yet, isn't it?"
"Colonel, he can't decide that for himself. He trusted you to do it for him."
"Yes, he did. And right now, he's trusting me not to."
"What?"
"That dream I had, Carter, the one I was talking about this morning ... it wasn't a dream. It was real. He ... I don't know ... projected himself or something, into my dream. Daniel's alive. He's here. And he needs our help."
"To do what?" Sam asked.
"I don't know. He didn't have a chance to tell me, but it's him. His body is dead, but his mind's still alive. I think maybe he's trapped; he can't get out. Now I don't know if there's a way to save his mind right now, there might not be one, but if we turn those machines off, we'll kill him for sure."
Sam shook her head sadly and looked away. Teal'c placed his hand on her arm, and turned toward Jack.
"Yes, Daniel Jackson is indeed here." Teal'c walked to the side of the bed. He looked down at the lifeless form, closed his eyes, and bowed his head slightly. "Daniel Jackson is just here, in this bed. The life has fled from his eyes and his heart has ceased to beat on its own. If it is only his body of which you speak, O'Neill, then yes, he is here." Teal'c raised his head, and Jack thought he glimpsed a shadow of a tear in his eyes. "But this body is not Daniel Jackson, and this I believe you know."
"I'm not talking about his body, Teal'c," Jack answered softly. "I know it's dead. Haven't I said that? It's dead; he's alive. His mind is still alive." He looked back and forth between his two distraught teammates. He knew how hard this was for them to believe. He'd talked to Daniel, had actually seen him, and he'd had a hard enough time believing it himself. "Look, I know it sounds crazy. And no, I can't explain it. I don't know what happened-Daniel doesn't seem to know either. But I do know he's here. I can ..." Jack fumbled for the words that would make them understand. "I can hear him, in my mind. I can't see him right now, but I did last night, and I know he's here. I can ... feel him ..."
Sam blanched; Teal'c froze; Jack noticed.
"You felt him too!"
"Colonel ..."
"You did!" Jack insisted. "The looks on your faces ... When Janet was about to flip that switch, I saw you, both of you. He was screaming for me to help him, and you felt him."
Sam shook her head sadly. "I really wish I had, Colonel."
"Indeed. The only feelings I felt at that time were my own."
"No," Jack replied, shaking his head. "No, that was him. That ... that fear, that pain, that despair ... that was Daniel."
"It was my pain, Colonel," Sam returned hotly. "My fear and my despair. It was hard enough to do it the first time, sir. Why are you making us go through it all again?"
"Because we don't have to go through it at all, Carter. Daniel is alive."
"No, Colonel," Hammond contradicted from Fraiser's door. "Daniel is dead."
Before Jack had a chance to argue further, Janet emerged from behind the general. "Colonel, there's something I need to show you." Jack, Sam, and Teal'c watched as Janet grabbed a monitor from against the wall and wheeled it to the side of Daniel's bed. "This is an electroencephalogram," she explained. "An EEG. It monitors brain activity." Silence reigned as Janet pressed five electrodes against Daniel's forehead and taped them into place. When she'd finished, she looked up at the three faces watching her intently from across the bed. With a deep sigh, she reached over and turned the machine on.
A flat green line appeared on the screen, accompanied by a low whine.
Jack had seen a line exactly like that once before, standing in an emergency room with his wife two years earlier, and he knew exactly what it meant. He shook his head in denial. Beside him, Sam stumbled slightly and Teal'c closed his eyes and lowered his head.
"He's been like this since he got here last night, Colonel. I'm sorry."
Jack stared at Fraiser with an expression that demanded an answer. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
The answer came not from the doctor, but from the general behind him. "We thought it would be easier for you if you didn't know, Jack."
"Easier," Jack repeated. The hope and certainty he had felt only moments before had vanished, and in its place was only the numbness that accompanied a sudden and irrefutable loss. "Easier how? When it was just his body that was dead, there was a chance, wasn't there? A really, really small one, but a chance. But this isn't his body." Jack glared at the flat line on the monitor accusingly, almost as if he could make it take back what it was saying about Daniel. "He's brain dead. Even if we could get his body back ..."
"I'm sorry, Jack," Hammond said softly.
"I'm ..." Jack faltered. He knew that he'd been about to say something, but he couldn't remember what it might have been. His mind suddenly felt as empty as Daniel's. "I'm gonna fall over now."
Teal'c caught him before he did. Sam stepped up beside him, and together they managed to lower him into the chair at the foot of Daniel's bed. They stood beside him with their hands on his shoulders protectively, and Jack knew that those hands were the only things keeping him upright.
There was a flurry of activity near the door, but Jack didn't see it. To him, it seemed the entire universe had narrowed to include nothing and no one, save himself, Sam and Teal'c's hands, and Daniel's body in the bed in front of him. An impossible amount of time passed in what seemed to be less than a heartbeat, and Jack felt Teal'c and Sam help him to his feet. They moved him toward the bed that had been brought into the room, and helped him lie down on it.
Janet slipped up behind him and inserted the needle into his arm before he even realized that she was there.
"I'm sorry," Jack whispered as Janet pulled the sheet up and over him. "Sam, Teal'c ... Daniel ... I'm so sorry."
"It's all right, sir," Sam answered. She reached up and impatiently wiped at the tears that rolled silently down her face.
"You require rest, O'Neill," Teal'c said. "When you awaken, your mind will once again be clear."
Jack nodded as Sam and Teal'c moved away. He heard their footsteps join Hammond's as the three of them walked out of the isolation room and into the corridor. He heard Janet's heels clicking against the floor as she followed them. He didn't move. He lay perfectly still, his eyes fixated on the deceptively peaceful face on the pillow across from him.
"Sorry, Danny," he whispered as his eyes fell closed. "So ... so sorry ..."
Chapter Six
"Aynad? Can you hear me?"
Daniel had never attempted such long-distance communication with his friend and companion before. He knew that they could hear each other from the gate to the temple because they had done that before, but from the temple all the way to Earth? It was a long-shot. The entire plan was risky, but when Daniel had realized that Belos was preventing them from reaching SG-1 through all other channels, he'd known there was no other choice.
He and Aynad had split up, something that none of the other ten had ever done. Aynad had gone with the twelfth Daniel Jackson, to protect him and to teach him what he could in the short amount of time they had to work with, and the eleventh Daniel Jackson had gone off on his own, to do what he could to thwart Belos' plans. They had planned to communicate with each other as often as possible, but neither of them had known if it would even be possible.
"Aynad?"
"It is good to hear your voice, my friend," Aynad finally answered.
Daniel allowed himself the time for a sigh of relief before asking the questions that he needed the answers to. Those answers would determine exactly how he proceeded from this point.
"Do you have him with you, Aynad?" Daniel asked. "Did you get him away?"
"He is here," Aynad answered.
"And Belos?"
"He did not follow," Aynad said. "We are safe from him, for the moment. But should he find a way to follow us ..."
"I know, Aynad," Daniel interrupted. "Believe me, I know."
There was a short silence as Aynad considered his next words, and Daniel was certain that he knew what they would be. They'd had this conversation before they had separated.
"I do not believe that acting in the manner we did was wise, my friend. We should have proceeded in the usual fashion. We should have stayed together."
Daniel shook his head. "No, we did the right thing. This situation isn't the normal one. The fact that I still exist means that Belos hasn't won yet. We can still stop him." Daniel looked around at the familiar surroundings for a moment, repeating his last statement in his mind until he'd almost convinced himself again. Things were not proceeding quite as smoothly as he'd believed they would, and he was beginning to fear that nothing he did would make any difference. He couldn't even... However, following that line of thinking to its logical end or sharing his misgivings with Aynad wouldn't do any of them any good, so he changed the subject.
"How is he?"
He heard Aynad sigh, a sound that was strange to his ears. The alien man was definitely beginning to adopt the habits of the human he'd found himself sharing the same three weeks with over and over again.
"He is confused," Aynad said. "I have not yet had a chance to fully explain the situation; he is convinced that I am nothing more than a dream. He is weak, of course; his injuries are great. But he is as strong as you, my friend. And he fights alongside of us even now, though he does not understand what it is he is fighting for."
"You'll get through to him," Daniel said.
"I think it more likely that he will attempt to develop his own theories to explain what has happened to him."
Daniel chuckled. "I did that."
"You think it odd that he would act in the same manner?" Aynad asked, his tone light. "You are, after all, the same man."
Daniel shook his head as memories of the last three weeks of his existence crashed down around him - watching Belos kill Sam and Teal'c without so much as a thought, listening to Belos taunt him before he did the same to Jack, hearing his own voice make an promise to a dying man who couldn't even hear him, "This won't happen again, Jack. I swear to you, this will never happen again..."
"No, Aynad, we're not the same man. He has never lost them, the way I did. And he never will."
"My friend, I am afraid that I must end this conversation," Aynad said suddenly. "Daniel is alone, and frightened, and I must go to him. I must make him understand, if he is to do what needs to be done."
"Go then, Aynad. He needs your help."
"You will be well in what it is that you do, my friend?"
"I'll be fine, Aynad. I'll contact you again as soon as I can."
"Be well, Daniel," Aynad said.
"You too, Aynad. Take care of him, so he can protect them when the time comes."
Jack's sleep was slow in coming, and fitful when it finally did arrive. There was no respite for him in it. The dreams, when they came, did nothing to soothe him. His mind was filled with visions of Daniel, alive and well, years in the future. Daniel-smiling beside his wife and laughing with his children. But these things would never come to pass. In the back of his mind, coloring and distorting the glimpses of the future that Daniel would never have, the memory of Daniel drawing his last breath remained. Daniel's eyes, filled with pain and panic as he begged them not to sedate him. Daniel's unheeded pleading to let him stay awake. Daniel imploring them to believe him, to believe in him. Daniel, knowing then what they all knew now-if he went to sleep, he'd never wake up.
And through it all, Daniel's voice, indistinct and echoing in his dream, was filling his mind with absolution, even now.
"I don't blame you, Jack."
Jack swallowed hard. He did not deserve Daniel's forgiveness and he would not accept it, but he did not reject it. He concentrated on the voice behind the words and tried to burn it as deeply into his memory as was possible. He knew that eventually he would forget what Daniel's voice had sounded like; he wanted to remember it for as long as he possibly could.
"And I don't know why I'm even telling you. It won't make you feel any better. It's not like you can hear me, after all. No one can. If you could, you'd have heard me screaming in the isolation room."
"Daniel ..."
"I don't even really know why I'm here. I thought I had it all figured out, but I was wrong. I was so wrong. And we're both going to pay for my mistake."
The visions, future and past, faded, and Jack found himself standing alone in darkness, with nothing but his dream of Daniel's voice for company. "You didn't kill me, Jack. I know you can't hear me, but please, tell Sam and Teal'c that you didn't kill me. No one killed me."
"God, Danny, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault, Jack."
Jack felt the tears rolling down his cheeks, though he knew his body was still sleeping. He felt disconnected, trapped somewhere between the dream and reality, and Daniel's voice was so clear now-almost as if he were standing right behind him. Jack turned around, and the fog-filled blackness faded away.
Jack smiled.
"Hey, Daniel."
"Jack?"
"So now I'm talking to your ghost?"
"No, Jack. I'm not a ghost." The dream-Daniel's voice sounded somehow hopeful, whereas before it had sounded resigned. "It's me. It's really me. Can you hear me? See me?"
Jack's mind tried to believe what the dream-Daniel was saying to him, but he was unable to argue with the truth of what he had seen in the infirmary. "I'm hallucinating ... dreaming. You're not real. You're dead."
"No, Jack," the dream-Daniel answered. He pushed his hair behind his ears impatiently, and his voice became insistent. "It's me. I'm real. I'm not dead. I'm still alive, and oh, God, Jack, you can hear me! I'm here!" Dream-Daniel extended his hand toward Jack imploringly. "Help me! Please!"
Jack felt his heart jump into his throat. Could it be true? Could the body in the infirmary, the one that lived and breathed only because of machines, be a lie?
"How ...?"
"I'm alive, Jack. I'm here. I can't explain what's going on, but don't let them kill me. Believe in me! Please!" The voice sounded so full of pain, so desperate.
Jack reached out blindly into the suddenly swelling darkness of his dream. "Daniel ..."
"Jack!" The blackness continued to grow, and Jack stepped forward, still reaching out for the dream-Daniel's outstretched hand. A huge black shadow loomed behind Daniel's back, and before Jack could shout out a warning, it had wrapped itself around Daniel's chest and arms and was pulling him into itself. "Jack, help me!"
"Daniel?"
"Believe in me!" Daniel's cry echoed in Jack's mind as the blackness swallowed him completely.
"Daniel!"
Jack was sitting straight up in his bunk with his eyes wide open. His heart pounded in his ears and his breath came in ragged gasps. He could feel the drying tears on his cheeks.
"Colonel?"
The soft voice at the door was followed by an impossibly loud knock.
"O'Neill? Are you unwell?"
Jack shook his head quickly to clear it and wiped the last remnants of tears from his face as he pushed himself to his feet. "I'm fine, Teal'c," he answered. He walked to the door and pulled it open. "It was ..." Jack trailed off, and turned his thoughts inward again. Daniel wasn't dead? Was it possible? Could it be true?
"Sir?" Sam's soft voice pulled Jack's attention back to his teammates standing in front of him. Their faces looked as haggard as he imagined his to be, and he could tell that their night hadn't been much easier than his had been. The fact that they were standing outside his door told him that they'd already been to the infirmary, so they knew that he hadn't given the order yet. The dream came back to him in vivid detail, and he couldn't help but wonder-had they seen Daniel too? But if they had, there would be hope on their faces, wouldn't there?
There was nothing there-nothing there but pain and desperation.
"A dream," Jack whispered. He shook his head slowly and felt the last vestiges of hope escape him. He lowered his head and fixed his eyes on the floor as a new sense of dread gripped his heart. "It was just a dream."
The three of them stood in the silent corridor, looking at each other. No one spoke, but each knew what the others were feeling. None of them wanted to do what they all knew needed to be done. Daniel was gone; the only thing left of him was the body in the infirmary-a body with an artificial heartbeat and lungs that only moved because a machine forced oxygen into them. Officially it fell to Jack O'Neill to make the decision, but they would all do it together.
Their last act as SG-1 would be to let Daniel go.
Sam drew a deep, shaking breath and looked across at Jack. "Sir?"
Jack nodded, and looked from Sam to Teal'c and back again. "Yeah."
Jack took a ragged breath and steeled himself against the inevitable. Without another word, he turned and headed toward the infirmary. He didn't turn to see if Sam and Teal'c had followed him; he could feel them behind him. He imagined that he felt Daniel back there with them, pleading with them to stop ... but it had been a dream.
Nothing but a dream.
There would be no reprieve for SG-1 this time. There was no Goa'uld waiting in orbit to bring Daniel back from the dead. There were no Nox to revive him. No implanted memories of his demise, no hypnosis-induced answers to his fate, and no fish-men to return him to them.
Daniel was dead. And it was time to let him go.
Jack stood at attention at Daniel's side, with Teal'c and Sam on either side of him. General Hammond stood equally as rigid at the foot of the bed; his bloodshot eyes betrayed the fact that he hadn't slept much more than SG-1 had. Janet stood across from them, her hands clasped in front of her. The machines responsible for the illusion of life in Daniel's body beeped rhythmically beside her.
The sound of General Hammond clearing his throat shattered the solemn silence of the room. Only Janet turned toward him.
"There are no words that will give comfort at a time like this," Hammond began softly. "We know the risks we take every day, and we say we accept them. We say we understand them, but when we lose someone we've grown close to, we realize that we could never be prepared for the reality of it." Hammond swallowed hard before continuing. "Dr. Jackson gave his life in the pursuit of knowledge, and to help preserve the future of this planet." The silence that descended again was broken by a quiet, emotional, "We'll miss you, son."
Janet gently laid her hand on Daniel's arm and forced herself to smile down at him. "Goodbye, Daniel."
Teal'c drew himself up to his full height before bowing deeply to the body of his friend. "You have been our friend, Daniel Jackson, and we are grateful for that. Your presence here will be sorely missed."
Sam was shaking and tears were rolling down her cheeks as she leaned forward to press her lips gently against Daniel's forehead. "We're so sorry, Daniel," she managed through her tears. "We'll miss you so much."
Jack waited for Sam to straighten back up before taking one step forward. He looked down at Daniel, and felt dread again building in his chest. He swallowed the emotions that threatened to steal his voice and forced himself to speak. "We'll find her for you, Daniel," he promised softly. "We won't stop looking." Jack absently brushed the stray hairs away from Daniel's forehead, and then chuckled lightly. "You never could keep that hair out of your eyes, could you?"
A memory flashed in Jack's mind, an impression of Daniel impatiently tucking his hair behind his ears. "Jack, it's me. I'm real. I'm not dead ..."
Jack jumped back to reality with a start. It had been a dream-wishful thinking-just a dream.
Jack heard Sam's quiet sobs behind him, and he raised his eyes to meet Janet's. He glanced back down at Daniel's face once more, closed his eyes, and nodded.
All at once, Jack's mind exploded. He saw everything that was happening around him with perfect clarity. The world moved in slow motion, and Jack saw it all as if he were seeing through two sets of eyes-his own and Daniel's, just as it had been when they'd been trapped in the beam together. Sam and Teal'c seemed frozen in the moment, and both of their faces were suddenly devoid of color. Jack could see their lips moving, both mouthing Daniel's name as if in a dream ... the dream ...
"No!" Jack heard in his mind. "God, Jack, no!"
Janet's hand was moving toward the switch that would turn off the machines that kept Daniel's body alive; her finger inched ever closer to its unacceptable destination.
Jack could see his own face, and Carter's and Teal'c's, from across the bed. He saw the room as it would appear to someone standing at Janet's right side, but the mixed perspectives didn't confuse him. They seemed to lay over each other perfectly, and Jack's mind saw the differing points of view as two puzzle pieces that had fallen into place. Each perspective lacked details that the other had, and they fit together seamlessly.
Jack lifted his head and found himself staring directly into his own eyes-eyes that stared back at him from the other side of the bed, eyes that didn't belong to him, but were still his.
"Daniel?"
"Believe in me, Jack!"
"No!" Jack cried out suddenly. He lunged forward across the bed, reaching out for Janet's hand with no hope of actually touching her. "Stop!"
Janet froze in place; her fingers hovered barely an inch above the switch. "Colonel?"
"Don't do it!" Jack ordered. He pushed his way past Teal'c, and ran around the end of the bed, past a stunned George Hammond. "Doc, don't turn those machines off. Don't kill him."
"Colonel O'Neill?" Hammond asked. "What are you doing?"
Jack skidded to a stop at Janet's side and turned to look back at his commanding officer. "I'm not quite sure I know, sir. But we can't do this."
"But, Colonel ..." Janet began.
"He's not dead, Doc," Jack said. All at once he felt the despair and dread that had gripped his heart disappear. He felt hope return and he knew without question that he was right. It was true. Somehow, some way ... it was true.
"Daniel's not dead."
"Colonel, he's dead," Janet insisted. "There is absolutely no way for him to recover from this."
"I know that," Jack said. "I know. His body's dead. I can see that. But his mind is alive."
"Colonel, he's dead," Janet repeated.
"Enough!" Hammond nearly bellowed. "This argument is pointless. Doctor, is there any possibility that Dr. Jackson might be able to recover?"
"No, sir," Janet answered with a shake of her head. "Absolutely not. If it weren't for the life support, he'd have died last night."
"All right. Colonel O'Neill, do you grant consent for the termination of Dr. Jackson's life support?"
"No!" Jack answered. "Not while he's still alive."
"Then it would seem that we have ourselves a standoff," Hammond observed. He rose from the chair he'd fallen into after Jack O'Neill's pronouncement. "Dr. Fraiser, a word, if you please."
Janet nodded and led the way out the door. She motioned the general out ahead of her and then turned back to Jack. "Think about what you're doing, Colonel. Please." The door closed behind them, and they were gone.
"O'Neill, your behavior has become most disturbing," Teal'c announced.
"Colonel, you can't do this to him!" Sam declared at the same time.
Jack sighed and turned back to them, unable to conceal the hopeful smile. "But he's alive. His mind, his heart, everything he is-he's still alive. Why would you want me to kill him?"
"He's already gone, sir," Sam insisted. "You have got to let him go."
"It is Daniel Jackson's right to leave this life in a dignified manner."
Jack nodded quickly. "Yeah, well it's also his right to decide if he's not quite ready to do that yet, isn't it?"
"Colonel, he can't decide that for himself. He trusted you to do it for him."
"Yes, he did. And right now, he's trusting me not to."
"What?"
"That dream I had, Carter, the one I was talking about this morning ... it wasn't a dream. It was real. He ... I don't know ... projected himself or something, into my dream. Daniel's alive. He's here. And he needs our help."
"To do what?" Sam asked.
"I don't know. He didn't have a chance to tell me, but it's him. His body is dead, but his mind's still alive. I think maybe he's trapped; he can't get out. Now I don't know if there's a way to save his mind right now, there might not be one, but if we turn those machines off, we'll kill him for sure."
Sam shook her head sadly and looked away. Teal'c placed his hand on her arm, and turned toward Jack.
"Yes, Daniel Jackson is indeed here." Teal'c walked to the side of the bed. He looked down at the lifeless form, closed his eyes, and bowed his head slightly. "Daniel Jackson is just here, in this bed. The life has fled from his eyes and his heart has ceased to beat on its own. If it is only his body of which you speak, O'Neill, then yes, he is here." Teal'c raised his head, and Jack thought he glimpsed a shadow of a tear in his eyes. "But this body is not Daniel Jackson, and this I believe you know."
"I'm not talking about his body, Teal'c," Jack answered softly. "I know it's dead. Haven't I said that? It's dead; he's alive. His mind is still alive." He looked back and forth between his two distraught teammates. He knew how hard this was for them to believe. He'd talked to Daniel, had actually seen him, and he'd had a hard enough time believing it himself. "Look, I know it sounds crazy. And no, I can't explain it. I don't know what happened-Daniel doesn't seem to know either. But I do know he's here. I can ..." Jack fumbled for the words that would make them understand. "I can hear him, in my mind. I can't see him right now, but I did last night, and I know he's here. I can ... feel him ..."
Sam blanched; Teal'c froze; Jack noticed.
"You felt him too!"
"Colonel ..."
"You did!" Jack insisted. "The looks on your faces ... When Janet was about to flip that switch, I saw you, both of you. He was screaming for me to help him, and you felt him."
Sam shook her head sadly. "I really wish I had, Colonel."
"Indeed. The only feelings I felt at that time were my own."
"No," Jack replied, shaking his head. "No, that was him. That ... that fear, that pain, that despair ... that was Daniel."
"It was my pain, Colonel," Sam returned hotly. "My fear and my despair. It was hard enough to do it the first time, sir. Why are you making us go through it all again?"
"Because we don't have to go through it at all, Carter. Daniel is alive."
"No, Colonel," Hammond contradicted from Fraiser's door. "Daniel is dead."
Before Jack had a chance to argue further, Janet emerged from behind the general. "Colonel, there's something I need to show you." Jack, Sam, and Teal'c watched as Janet grabbed a monitor from against the wall and wheeled it to the side of Daniel's bed. "This is an electroencephalogram," she explained. "An EEG. It monitors brain activity." Silence reigned as Janet pressed five electrodes against Daniel's forehead and taped them into place. When she'd finished, she looked up at the three faces watching her intently from across the bed. With a deep sigh, she reached over and turned the machine on.
A flat green line appeared on the screen, accompanied by a low whine.
Jack had seen a line exactly like that once before, standing in an emergency room with his wife two years earlier, and he knew exactly what it meant. He shook his head in denial. Beside him, Sam stumbled slightly and Teal'c closed his eyes and lowered his head.
"He's been like this since he got here last night, Colonel. I'm sorry."
Jack stared at Fraiser with an expression that demanded an answer. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
The answer came not from the doctor, but from the general behind him. "We thought it would be easier for you if you didn't know, Jack."
"Easier," Jack repeated. The hope and certainty he had felt only moments before had vanished, and in its place was only the numbness that accompanied a sudden and irrefutable loss. "Easier how? When it was just his body that was dead, there was a chance, wasn't there? A really, really small one, but a chance. But this isn't his body." Jack glared at the flat line on the monitor accusingly, almost as if he could make it take back what it was saying about Daniel. "He's brain dead. Even if we could get his body back ..."
"I'm sorry, Jack," Hammond said softly.
"I'm ..." Jack faltered. He knew that he'd been about to say something, but he couldn't remember what it might have been. His mind suddenly felt as empty as Daniel's. "I'm gonna fall over now."
Teal'c caught him before he did. Sam stepped up beside him, and together they managed to lower him into the chair at the foot of Daniel's bed. They stood beside him with their hands on his shoulders protectively, and Jack knew that those hands were the only things keeping him upright.
There was a flurry of activity near the door, but Jack didn't see it. To him, it seemed the entire universe had narrowed to include nothing and no one, save himself, Sam and Teal'c's hands, and Daniel's body in the bed in front of him. An impossible amount of time passed in what seemed to be less than a heartbeat, and Jack felt Teal'c and Sam help him to his feet. They moved him toward the bed that had been brought into the room, and helped him lie down on it.
Janet slipped up behind him and inserted the needle into his arm before he even realized that she was there.
"I'm sorry," Jack whispered as Janet pulled the sheet up and over him. "Sam, Teal'c ... Daniel ... I'm so sorry."
"It's all right, sir," Sam answered. She reached up and impatiently wiped at the tears that rolled silently down her face.
"You require rest, O'Neill," Teal'c said. "When you awaken, your mind will once again be clear."
Jack nodded as Sam and Teal'c moved away. He heard their footsteps join Hammond's as the three of them walked out of the isolation room and into the corridor. He heard Janet's heels clicking against the floor as she followed them. He didn't move. He lay perfectly still, his eyes fixated on the deceptively peaceful face on the pillow across from him.
"Sorry, Danny," he whispered as his eyes fell closed. "So ... so sorry ..."