Potential triggers all over this for me but you are doing it right. Kids can be nasty little buggers and difference of any sort is guaranteed to get you bullied (and I should know!)
There's been gender-policing as well, because she describes herself as a "tomboy" but her "best" friend yelled at her that she can't be because she likes skirts too. *sigh*
I lived through the bullying. I HONESTLY thing the thing that kept me alive was anger and revenge. it want until I was 16 that I discovered the why the bullying- I found more peace, but it never removed the anger
( ... )
Sometimes I believe that part of what's to blame for stuff like this is the way schools are organised so that you're only with your exact peer group at all times. It trains us to give disproportional weight to the opinions of people who are closest to our own age, and disregard everyone else. Kids are mean. They just are. Many of them are mistreated at home, and are looking for an outlet, or they just haven't developed a sense of empathy yet. They don't realise how their words can hurt someone else. Which is why teachers and other adults really need to stay on top of stuff like this, and create a zero-tolerance environment for bullying. If a kid is hurting enough to approach an adult for help, that adult needs to follow up, not engage in victim blaming. I suppose part of it is that teachers have enough on their plates as it is. All the budget cutbacks mean larger class sizes and fewer aides in the classroom and on the playground.
...give disproportional weight to the opinions of people who are closest to our own age, and disregard everyone else
This is so true. Beyond the bullying, even with simple everyday things. We (adults) tell her a food is delicious, she doesn't believe us. One of her peers at camp says it's delicious, she tries it and can't get enough of it.
When Mel first came to me about this (okay, I noticed she'd been down and I coaxed it out of her), I DID talk to the teacher. He said Mel's a delight in class and everyone seemed to be getting along and friendly, so he was shocked. But he said he'd keep his eyes open. So either it's happening only out on the playground, or he's oblivious. Possibly a bit of both. The class is labeled as a zero-tolerance zone, so I can't help but feel the kids are careful to not get caught.
There was a guy in my class in middle school who liked to play a daily round of "make Pica cry". My teacher was a fairly nice guy, but I guess I never thought of approaching him about it, and he never seemed to notice. Then we had some local politics, and I ended up on the opposite side of it from almost all my classmates, and things became completely unbearable. After 7th grade, my mother yanked me out and home schooled me. I was so relieved. By the time I started doing part-time at the high school, I was much more relaxed and confident and willing to tell other people to go to hell.
If it's any consolation, you just described me at 9 to a tee.
Does she have a summer camp or an afterschool program where she has like-minded friends?
That was what kept me going. The knowledge that the people at my school may have been bullying shits, but that there were people my own age, somewhere, who liked and respected me.
It was me at 9 too. Or, really, kindergarten through TODAY. (Seriously, at least I now have fandom to hang out with and remind me that I'm okay)
She has her girl scout troop, but they changed leaders and plans and keep canceling events, so it hasn't been reliable. I'm trying to arrange something with at least her best friend from that troop.
She had dance, but it again went back and forth - they were her "friends", but also teased her for not having a dancer's body. She got burnt out from doing too much and is taking a break. My goal in 2012 is to get her back into dance or musical theater - somewhere with other awesome weirdos like her.
Heh, point. I just managed to get a job in a thoroughly nerdy company, so I don't have to worry about it in the workplace. But I also know how lucky I am on that.
Dance and gymnastics are such double-edged swords in that respect. On the one hand, activities and skills, on the other hand...impossible image standards.
I really want a nerd job. (Or, in a perfect world, a nerd job that I can work from 9-2, with extra computer work at home at night, that pays all the bills and still gives us medical coverage. I don't want much. XD)
Yeah, I think it was BALLET that got to her. But tap, she loves. Want to get her back into tap, and maybe hip-hop. Better suited toward her shape AND her tastes. :) I think the musical theater place does a combo dance/theater class.
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It's not okay to bully!
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Sigh :o(
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Thanks.
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*sigh*
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This is so true. Beyond the bullying, even with simple everyday things. We (adults) tell her a food is delicious, she doesn't believe us. One of her peers at camp says it's delicious, she tries it and can't get enough of it.
When Mel first came to me about this (okay, I noticed she'd been down and I coaxed it out of her), I DID talk to the teacher. He said Mel's a delight in class and everyone seemed to be getting along and friendly, so he was shocked. But he said he'd keep his eyes open. So either it's happening only out on the playground, or he's oblivious. Possibly a bit of both. The class is labeled as a zero-tolerance zone, so I can't help but feel the kids are careful to not get caught.
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Does she have a summer camp or an afterschool program where she has like-minded friends?
That was what kept me going. The knowledge that the people at my school may have been bullying shits, but that there were people my own age, somewhere, who liked and respected me.
It wasn't a lot, but it got me through.
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She has her girl scout troop, but they changed leaders and plans and keep canceling events, so it hasn't been reliable. I'm trying to arrange something with at least her best friend from that troop.
She had dance, but it again went back and forth - they were her "friends", but also teased her for not having a dancer's body. She got burnt out from doing too much and is taking a break. My goal in 2012 is to get her back into dance or musical theater - somewhere with other awesome weirdos like her.
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Heh, point. I just managed to get a job in a thoroughly nerdy company, so I don't have to worry about it in the workplace. But I also know how lucky I am on that.
Dance and gymnastics are such double-edged swords in that respect. On the one hand, activities and skills, on the other hand...impossible image standards.
I hope musical theatre is a better fit!
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Yeah, I think it was BALLET that got to her. But tap, she loves. Want to get her back into tap, and maybe hip-hop. Better suited toward her shape AND her tastes. :) I think the musical theater place does a combo dance/theater class.
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