{{the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past}
fuck what you know. you need to forget what you think you know.
do you ever feel like no one ever listens to what you say, they're just waiting for their turn to talk. do you ever feel faceless and nameless. do you ever slip inbetween. lose your direction. lose your dreams. lose your grasp on reality. have you even woken up at night but not wanted to open your eyes, because youre afraid to find out you're alone?
do you ever feel like your way down on everyone's list of priorities. and you could only pray to be someone's third choice, or fourth. do you ever come home only to realize its not home, it never was home in the first place, but its better than where you've been.
do you ever run out of breathing room. run out of air, run out of blood, out of motivation, out of patience. do you ever want to do something drastic but have no idea what to do. thats why people commit suicide, why they take flying leaps off bridges and set themselves on fire, because theyre tired of the ordinary and they want something that matters. something important, that people will notice. even if they dont notice till after you're gone.
do you ever miss your mom. cause i miss my mom.
do you ever wonder what it was like when she held you for the first time and she knew she'd give up the whole world for you. fight the whole world for you. do you ever wonder what its like to feel that way about someone. not that you havnt already, but its never all its cracked up to be. somehow fighting off the whole world isnt hard anymore. ive kindof gotten good at it. this world isnt worth fighting to keep, so might as well fight to keep it at arms length. to choke it with the garden hose and bury it in the backyard untill the dog digs it up and drags it onto your doormat.
this is to the girl who got inside my head with all the pretty things she did. this is to the girl who got inside my head with all these fucked up things I did. hey maybe, baby, you could keep me up in bed.
but im no hurricane, tornado, tsunami. im no forest fire, im a duraflame log dying in a dusty fireplace. i dont crackle or warm anyone around me, no one cooks smores over me or falls asleep in front of me in someone elses arms. no children stare at me wideeyed, clutching their teddy bears or dollies or whatever they decide has some sort of worth, in a world thats eversoslowly collapsing in on itself.
ive decided that i want all my atoms to collapse in on themselves like that, a thousand little fireworks, like a nebula or a neutron star. i want to become gravity, to pull things in towards me. get people's attention. i want to be negatively charged, instead of this lukewarm, unsatisfying proton-electron neutrality. balance. fuck balance, throw yourself off the end of the see saw. jump off the deep end. its sink or swim, exept sometimes both kinda happen at the same time.
did you know when youre drowning, your body cant help but take a breath, even if your under water. you dont die from oxygen deprivation, but from water in your lungs. i wonder what quicksand is like. they say you can only survive only if you lay perfectly still. like dying. here's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it. i want to die in someone else's arms. i want someone to restart my heart. i want someone to heal my scars. i want to have scars that teach me something. i want to learn lessons instead of this blind tight-rope walking. downup, updown. which is which?
give me something, anything, i hate to stand here empty handed, ok so maybe ill just bite my nails. you know how they say you always hurt the ones you love? well, it goes both ways. id take your hand in mine but you stop touching me long ago &i wouldnt want to hurt you, anyways. sometimes i touch too hard. sometimes i try to keep things that arent mine, take them home, put them under glass. id never keep you in a cage, but id pull off my wings for you, if you'd let me. maybe its better that way, id probably fly too close to the sun, like Icharus. maybe its better im here, rock bottom is always a good start.
But this I cant deny
I know that you can fly
Cause I'm here on the ground without you.
did you know i miss you?
its not good enough, not enough, not good, never.
songs of the moment:
Without Rings by Neil Young. →
&Konstantine by Something Corporate --- →
do you ever feel like no one ever listens to what you say, they're just waiting for their turn to talk. do you ever feel faceless and nameless. do you ever slip inbetween. lose your direction. lose your dreams. lose your grasp on reality. have you even woken up at night but not wanted to open your eyes, because youre afraid to find out you're alone?
do you ever feel like your way down on everyone's list of priorities. and you could only pray to be someone's third choice, or fourth. do you ever come home only to realize its not home, it never was home in the first place, but its better than where you've been.
do you ever run out of breathing room. run out of air, run out of blood, out of motivation, out of patience. do you ever want to do something drastic but have no idea what to do. thats why people commit suicide, why they take flying leaps off bridges and set themselves on fire, because theyre tired of the ordinary and they want something that matters. something important, that people will notice. even if they dont notice till after you're gone.
do you ever miss your mom. cause i miss my mom.
do you ever wonder what it was like when she held you for the first time and she knew she'd give up the whole world for you. fight the whole world for you. do you ever wonder what its like to feel that way about someone. not that you havnt already, but its never all its cracked up to be. somehow fighting off the whole world isnt hard anymore. ive kindof gotten good at it. this world isnt worth fighting to keep, so might as well fight to keep it at arms length. to choke it with the garden hose and bury it in the backyard untill the dog digs it up and drags it onto your doormat.
this is to the girl who got inside my head with all the pretty things she did. this is to the girl who got inside my head with all these fucked up things I did. hey maybe, baby, you could keep me up in bed.
but im no hurricane, tornado, tsunami. im no forest fire, im a duraflame log dying in a dusty fireplace. i dont crackle or warm anyone around me, no one cooks smores over me or falls asleep in front of me in someone elses arms. no children stare at me wideeyed, clutching their teddy bears or dollies or whatever they decide has some sort of worth, in a world thats eversoslowly collapsing in on itself.
ive decided that i want all my atoms to collapse in on themselves like that, a thousand little fireworks, like a nebula or a neutron star. i want to become gravity, to pull things in towards me. get people's attention. i want to be negatively charged, instead of this lukewarm, unsatisfying proton-electron neutrality. balance. fuck balance, throw yourself off the end of the see saw. jump off the deep end. its sink or swim, exept sometimes both kinda happen at the same time.
did you know when youre drowning, your body cant help but take a breath, even if your under water. you dont die from oxygen deprivation, but from water in your lungs. i wonder what quicksand is like. they say you can only survive only if you lay perfectly still. like dying. here's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it. i want to die in someone else's arms. i want someone to restart my heart. i want someone to heal my scars. i want to have scars that teach me something. i want to learn lessons instead of this blind tight-rope walking. downup, updown. which is which?
give me something, anything, i hate to stand here empty handed, ok so maybe ill just bite my nails. you know how they say you always hurt the ones you love? well, it goes both ways. id take your hand in mine but you stop touching me long ago &i wouldnt want to hurt you, anyways. sometimes i touch too hard. sometimes i try to keep things that arent mine, take them home, put them under glass. id never keep you in a cage, but id pull off my wings for you, if you'd let me. maybe its better that way, id probably fly too close to the sun, like Icharus. maybe its better im here, rock bottom is always a good start.
But this I cant deny
I know that you can fly
Cause I'm here on the ground without you.
did you know i miss you?
its not good enough, not enough, not good, never.
songs of the moment:
Without Rings by Neil Young. →
&Konstantine by Something Corporate --- →