(no subject)
i.
so, i guess you expect me to
just sit here
and smile as life passes by
in a blur of what-could-have-beens
and memories of times i thought
there might have been someone
out there who still had faith in me.
ill smile pretty for you this time
and pretend that I didn’t want to
ever amount to anything anyway
[just because futures are overrated].
i never wanted a career in the first place.
or a family.
or a life outside this god-forsaken house.
ii.
im almost perfectly content right here
staring at a half blank page
wishing I wouldn’t have made plans
or fooled myself into thinking
‘hey, you have a life just waiting outside
these constricting white stain glassed doors’
yet somehow, life wont wait for me.
twenty years from now, i’ll still be here
smiling pretty at blank pages
waiting for the black ink to give my
withered hope a bit of justice.
iii.
lie to me
tell me you have dreams for me
and faith
tell me you have faith.
say to me ‘you have a bright future
sweetheart’
and deep down know you mean it.
tell me how proud you are to have me
-self-conscious disorderly me -
as your daughter.
say ‘chantelle, I want you to be happy’
and mean ‘do what you must to get there’
just tell me anything.
(c)chantelle marie...yadda yadda. *enter more interesting stuff* and i love you. <3