OOC
This is to post a series of chats I've had with Metatron's mun, playing with the muses. It isn't really in connection with TM, it's just for fun. The first one I borrowed out of your LJ, davechicken.
Sympathy for the Devil - Lucy plots something naughty
Lucifer is considering gate crashing that Seder just for amusement's sake.
Metaboo would bitchslap him out - everyone eating peacefully, two angels fighting outside the window
M: mental image of him thwapping Lucy with a spatual whilst wearing a 'kiss the chef' apron
L: And Lucifer would be so taken aback he'd just take it. For a few seconds, anyway.
M: YOU ARE NOT RUINING THIS PARTY YOU BASTARD *thwap thwap*
M: Don't make me get out the egg whisk!
L: My Lucifer muse is shaking his head and refusing to take part in such an undignified situation.
L: He's plotting starting a food fight in his head and turning all the food into deadly missiles.
M: meanwhile Giles and Ethan arehaving messy carsex
M says he can fuck off
or he'll pelt Lucy with happy easter cakes
L says he can go sit in his garden and cry.
M says he'll sit in his garden and not cry just to spite Lucy
and be all happy so ner
M: how childish they are
L: *shakes head* Silly muses
M: *thwaps them* play nice
L says he's allergic to playing nice
M says he has an anti-histemine spray
L says M can take his anti-histemine spray and stick it up his nose.
M says only if Lucy does the same
L says M's the one being childish anyway
M says oh yeah?
L says yeah
M says L started it
L says M started it by being a stupid angel
M says he isn't stupid
L says yes he is
M says L's just projecting
L says M's just making up psychobabble to cover the fact that he's stupid.
M says he didn't know L could use long words like 'stupid' and he's proud and gives him a sticker
L makes the sticker say 'I talked to a stupid angel and all I got for my troubles was this stupid sticker'
M says if it makes him happy and sticks it on his nose
L says it doesn't make him happy and that he deserved much more for putting up with M.
M says he can have a hug and a lollypop but that's all
L says M's a stingy bastard. And he'll take the lollypop.
M hands it over and says there there
L pulls the lolly off the stick and throws it at M, bouncing it off his forehead, and says now he feels better.
M says he's happy
L says he hopes M bruises
M says he can't really but he could use face paint if that helped
L says he could conduct an experiment and see how long he'd have to hit an angel before the angel bruises.
M says if it keeps him busy but they have to watch Chicken Run while he does it
L says why chicken run?
M says he likes it
L says he should've known M would have terrible taste in just about everything.
M says Chicken Run then whatever L wants
L says he's got some lovely footage of his last trip to the lower pits of Hell
M says sure if he gives a voiceover
L says the screams tend to drown everything else out
M says fine then is he ready?
L says he wants a kiss first
M says *fine* but no chocolate
L says he's got a really nice chocolate though that he was saving just for M
M says he'd prefer L to have it
But thathe has some nice angel cake if L doesnt want chocolate
L says he's not really a fan of angel cake
M says pity
L says not really, especially not if M's going to try the same trick he pulled with the chocolate
M says he isn't underhanded
Well not *that* underhanded
And if he was he'd have much more tact
L says M is so underhanded and he would've tried it first if he was smart enough to think of it
M says he had actually but that if L came back through trickery he hadn't actually come back so ner
L says M's just demonstrating how stupid he is and he shouldn't be proud of being a dumb angel
M says are they watching the film or not
L says he doesn't want to watch a film about clay chickens who can't fly
M says why not
M says it's a lovely metafilmic piece with loads of references
Lucy:
L says its a stupid move about clay chickens who can't fly and it's voiced over by Mel Gibson who should have his eyes pecked out by those same chickens
L dislikes Gibson yes but he says at least it isn't Bloom
L says he didn't think anyone could be as stupid as an angel but Bloom comes very close.
And that doesn't mean he'll watch Chicken Run.
M shudders at the thought of Bloom as one of the undying
And he says what then
L says he could always give M's wings a massage
M says no thanks but his feet are a bit sore
Ad he'd give L a wing massage if HE wanted
L says he'd always thought M didn't like his wings
M says he thinks the black just doesn't suit his complexion
But he'll give him a wing massage anyway
L says black happens to look very good on him thank you very much and M has crappy taste anyway. And he'll take that wing massage too.
M says L does it too excessively and L shouldn't talk when he has Azrael and his hats as a follower. And that L can sit down then to make it easier.
L says he never asked Azrael to follow him, God just booted the stupid muse out of Heaven after the War and he never had any say in the matter and he doesn't do it too excessively. And he sits down and unfurls his wings.
M sits down behind him and tuts and just starts at L's shoulders
L purrs and says M would look very yummy in all black
M says he'd need a little colour or it would be overpowering. Maybe a hint of green
L says he doesn't like green or purple or blue or any of the colours really but he rather likes them altogether in black. And green would make M look washed out.
M says not if he just used a little green. How about red then?
L says red's all right and he's got some lovely blood red ties in Hell M could borrow
M says if L agrees to wear one too
Because all black is just drab
L says all black isn't drab, it's stylish, and what would M know because he's walking around in a shiny purple suit.
M says oh shush and hands him another lolly and carries on massaging his wings
L laughs, sucks on the lolly and says M's obviously embarrassed about his lack of style but that's okay, he won't tease him anymore. Much.
M says yes dear and just carries on
L relaxes and says M has good hands. It's too bad he uses them for being all divine and Heavenly.
M says thanks and ditto but reversed. And does he want some music on?
L says his hands have more fun being bad. And M can put on whater music he likes, provided it doesn't suck.
M says what music doesn't suck then
L says probably anything M doesn't like
M says what then
And M doesnt think L could ever like country music
L says it was his side that came up with country music but no he doesn't particularly like it and he's feeling giving so M can put on whatever he likes, even if it does suck
M says thanks and puts on the Stones
L laughs and makes Sympathy For The Devil come on
M shrugs and carries on
And says the lyrics aren't that good
L says M has no taste and could he rub a little bit higher.
M says sure and he just thinks they lack a little something
...Um. Weird break here. Some of the convo's missing.
M says not complaining? Hah.
L says he doesn't complain, he informs others of their deficiencies.
M says same difference with the effort L puts into it
L says like M is one to talk about others complaining with the amount of time he spends whinging about everything in existence.
M says so what he never claimed not to complain and he doesn't complain about EVERYTHING
L says he does so, he complains about everything and more besides.
M says does not and pokes him in the side
L says does so and grabs his finger and doesn't let go.
M says who's being childish now?
L says M is
M says fine and just carries on massaging with one hand
L says M IS childish and plays with M's hand
M shrugs and carries on, humming to the song
L says M's probably the most childish being in all existence.
M says really? in a really devil-may-care blase tone
L says really, probably even more childish than every child ever born put together and you can't get much more childish than that
M says some children are very mature and he can only do one wing with one hand
L says some children taste very good with bbq sauce and M isn't getting his other hand back
M says fine but shuffle over a little so he can at least try and work evenly
L moves and says M shouldn't be such a perfectionist
M sticks out his tongue and says sor-ry for caring about his wings
L says his wings don't need M to care about them. But that doesn't mean he should stop.
M just laughs and carries on
L sits quietly for a little while and then wonders outloud what angel wings would look like with all the feathers pulled out.
M says very bare
L says they'd be a fashion statement and M should let him pull all his feathers out.
M says no thanks he likes his wings ask Gabriel instead
L says he wouldn't touch Gabriel's wings with a ten foot pole. Unless it was to tear them off.
M says pity then
L says M is uncurably unfashionable.
M says he likes it that way
L says purple shiny suits are horrendous and M should be thrown out of Heaven just for wearing something so gross.
M says God doesn't mind and no one else complains
L says hello he complains all the time
M says no one *else*
And M wants to know why his fashion sense or lack thereof is so important to L
Because dressing 'well' isn't anything to do with the war
L says he doesn't have to tell M why and M can't make him
M says he doesn't need to know *that*badly
L says he bets M is dying of curiosity
M says no not really, he doesn't understand The Plan and that's bigger and been around longer so a little thing like L's quirks is no big
L says he bets M wants to know so much he'd put on an all black suit to find out
M says not really
L says it's a sin to lie
M says does L see him donning all black to see? No. So he wasn't lying.
L says M must be in denial as well. Poor angel.
M says can he have his hand back please?
L says no
M says fine
L says he's keeping M's hand forever and because its attached to M, he'll just have to keep all of him.
M says L will have to come to Heaven then and on do-gooding trips
L says he'll come on do-gooding trips just to see how he can screw them up.
M says he can't screw them up sorry
And is he ready to come to Heaven?
L says he can so screw them up. And he isn't actually allowed in heaven at the moment because God's still a little pissed off about that War thing.
M says he's sorry but if L wants to hold his hand forever he'll have to come back and that means apologising
L says he's not going back and he's not apologising and M isn't getting his hand back anyway so it doesn't really matter
M says he can go back any time he wants so L can either let go or come back and say sorry and they can all have a nice party
A really nice big party
L says nice parties in Heaven are boring, even really nice big parties, and he doesn't like nice stuff anyway. He isn't going to let go either so M's just going to have come up with another solution.
M says he HAS to go back and he *can* just go back whether L likes it or not, and he's sorry but it's true and if he *really* wants he can hold his hand when he's down on earth and not working but that's the best he can do. And what music does he want on next?
L lets go of M's hand and says he didn't really want to hold M's stupid hand anyway. And he wants the country song 'I ran over my dog and then my truck broke down ' next.
M puts that song on and says L would like the kind of party they'd throw for him, quietly, and starts doing his wings again
L says his wings are fine now thankyou, M can go do his do-gooding stuff now.
M says alright then he hopes he likes the song and gets up. And then he says L's wings are too tense and he should get them massaged more often.
L says his wings are perfectly fine how they are and they're none of M's concern anyway.
M shrugs and says L's funeral and vanishes- but not before some massage oil drops in L's lap
L pulls a face and disappears - but not before putting the massage oil in his pocket.
Metaboo acts weirdly and once again infuriates Lucy
Metaboo offers hugs
Lucifer pulls a face and says he can stick those hugs somewhere uncomfortable.
Dracula calls everyone pathetic Metatron says
That doesn't comfort Lucifer in the slightest
M says he has chocolates and flowers for Lucy
And hands them over
L turns them to ash and blows them back
M smiles sadly and says he's sorry Lucy's not hungry and he'll stop bothering him but he can come find him when he wants to
L stamps his feet and screams at M to stop acting so weird
M says he's sorry, nods and vanishes
L fumes and sets fire to random buildings
Metaboo plans cruel and unusual punishment, ie. karaoke
Lucifer says he thought causing other people pain was his job.
Metaboo says Lucy is always wrong
Lucifer says Metatron is always stupid. And wrong about Lucifer being wrong - because he's stupid.
Metaboo offers him a cookie
Lucy takes the cookie and eyes it suspiciously
Metaboo grins and asks him how hell was
Lucy says hell was hot, it's that time of year. And what's in the cookie
Metaboo says chocolate chips
Lucy asks *just* chocolate chips
Metaboo says there may be nut traces in it he doesn't know
Lucy eats the cookie and says it isn't very good
Metaboo says sorry does he prefer double choc chip?
Lucy says he prefers the blood of angels
Metaboo says sorry they don't make angelcookies
Lucy says they should, there's a niche market for them
Metaboo shrugs and says he's not looking to sell
Lucy says everyone sells for the right price
Metaboo says yes, Lucy's apology to God
Lucy says okay he's sorry that God's such a sanctimonious sadistic bastard
Metaboo says that gets him another cookie
Lucy asks one with angel blood?
Metaboo says not quite
Lucy says with what then?
Metaboo says rasperries
Lucy says he doesn't like raspberries nearly so much as angel blood
Metaboo says he can learn to say sorry properly then
Lucy says he already knows how to say sorry and just because M doesn't like what he was apologised for, doesn't mean he shouldn't get a proper reward.
M *cuts his finger slightly then dabs it on Lucy's nose* There.
L rubs it off, licks his fingers, swoons, and asks if M happens to want any more apologies
M says yes Lucy can apologise to God for Lucy himself being an aorrogant twat and wrong
L says he'd hate to lie
M says thats a lie itself and he's not getting any more till he starts to feel sorry for how badly he behaves
L stamps his feet and says that's not fair because he doesn't behave badly, he's just drawn that way.
M points to everything he's done and asks is that bad or not?
L considers and then opens his mouth, pauses, considers and then grins and says yes, isn't it fantastic?
M says no and plays with his duckie
L says M has a duckie obsessions and it's weird
M says so what and huggles his duckie desperately
L stares and says that M is more unhinged than he thought
M shrugs and says Lucy should have a duckie
L says he doesn't need a duckie thank you very much especially not if hugging is required
M says hugging isn't and gives him a yellow one anyway
He says feel free to torture it
L stares at the duckie and then sticks a pin in it and says it isn't much fun when the duckie doesn't scream
M shrugs and makes a squeaking noise for it
L sighs and says that isn't very satisfying and then makes it squeak again anyway
M says cookie?
L glares and throws the duckie at M
M catches it and puts it with the devilduckie and squeaks them together
L grins and says M is living vicariously through the duckies
M says so what
L says that's kind of pathetic.
M shrugs and has a squeaking conversation between the duckies
L stares and says no it's really pathetic now
And then asks what they're saying to each other
M says they are singing a duet
L says M is a twisted angel
M says yes he is
L adds that M has cracked and should probably be relieved of his duty
M says God likes him just fine
L says God has no taste
M shrugs and refuses to make the bitchy comment he's thinking
L pokes M in a very annoying way
M pets him vaguely on the shoulder
L pokes him again and then sets the duckies on fire
M puts the fire out and gives Lucy a hat
L scowls and says he doesn't want a hat and melts the duckies into a puddle of duckie rubber
M makes new ones and says the hat looks nice
L treads on the hat and says M should get over this duckie thing because it's weird
M says he doesnt care if its weird and why does he even care
L says he doesn't think a devil duckie would sing a duet
M says HIS does
L says not anymore
M makes another
L says he's not going to let any devil thing sing a duet so M will just have to get over it
M says solo then?
L says no singing at all
M pouts
L pinches M
M thwaps his hand
L pokes M with a stick
M beams
L stares and asks why M's grinning
M shrugs and grins
L frowns and says he wants to know
M refuses
L stamps his foot
M smiles
L glares
M beams
L snarls and turns away
M hands him an angel-shaped cookie
L drops it and steps on it
M shrugs
L says M's cookies suck
M says he's sorry
L says that M's apologies suck too
M shrug and plays with his stick
L says that M's stick is a phallic symbol
M says it was a present
L says M seems to enjoy playing with his stick
M says he does
He also says L projects
L says he doesn't project, he sees things as they are
M shrugs and plays
L says M is rather obsessed with his stick
M thwaps him with it
L says that's sexual harrassment
M says it can't be he can't have sex
L says he can if he really wants to
M says he can't
L says yes he can
M shrugs and gives him the stick
L breaks the stick and laughs
Metaboo plays with his duckies and the muses demonstrate how a dysfunctional relationship works
Metaboo plays with them
He's giving Lucy a pink one for his birthday
Lucy is going to do something not very nice to it probably.
Metaboo still gives it him
Lucy pulls it's head off and sticks it on a little pike
Metaboo shrugs
Lucy throws the body of the duckie at M's head
M catches it and puts a bow on it
L stares and asks when M became so soppy
M says he is not soppy
L says yes he is, he just put a bow on the body of a duckie
M says he is not soppy
L says yes he is so
M shrugs and makes the tea
L puts a sign on M's back that says 'I am a big soppy angel who lives vicariously through rubber duckies, please kick me'
M says how hungry is Lucy and thinks a sign on Lucy's back saying 'I am a childish fallen angel who doesn't know what is best for me and takes out my unhappiness on everyone else and needs hugs from people who can't be immediately blasted or hurt much by me'
L says he's very hungry and changes the sign on his back to say 'I am a fallen angel who knows what's really going on in this stupid existence and takes my fustration out on everyone else because they deserve it for being so stupid and needs angel blood because I'm very hungry, not hugs'
M hands him a huge plate of food and changes the sign to 'I'm a sourpuss, just hug me'
L takes the plate of food, puts it down and takes the sign off his back and holds it up to show to M with a pathetic look on his face
M grins and asks more salt?
L looks down and his bottom lip quivers distressingly
M says vinegar?
L drops the sign
M pats him on the shoulder
L shrugs his hand away
M HUGS
L laughs evilly and bites M hard on the neck and says that's what you get for hugging me
M just winces and rubs Lucy's back and isn't crying and doesn't want to nope
L laughs some more and says isn't hugging fun
M says yes it is and hugs him tighter- possibly out of spite
L squirms and says M is squishing him
M squeezes a bit harder before he lets go
L shudders and says hugs are icky unless bitings involved
M says if thats how he feels
L looks up perkily and asks if that means they can combine hugging and biting from now on?
M says maybe
L grins happily
M says does he want his desert then or is he not hungry now
L says he's always hungry
M says he made him chocolate puding
L asks if he can lick it off M
M says he can lick the bowl
L says that's not nearly as fun and it would be much better for both of them if he used M's chest as a plate
M says not really and hands him the cake and starts washing pots because he isn't thinking about it no no
L looks at the cake looks at M looks at the cake again and then pounces on M and tackles him to the ground
M yelps and thwaps him with a dripping wet spatula and a dishcloth
L growls and turns the spatula and dishcloth to ash as well as M's shirt
M eeps and says no fair and blows in Lucy's face
L says when has he ever played fair and then turns the bowl of pudding upside down over M's chest
M thwaps him and says stop it and tries to get up
L grins and pushes M down and says M can't get up because L hasn't had his dessert yet and then L leans down and licks up M's chest
M screams and struggles like crazy and says stop it he doesn't like it, pleeeeeeease
[but also conveniently forgets he can just *piffle*]
L laughs and says M's a liar and then licks chocolate off M's nipple
M SCREAMS and tries to kick him
L says M is rather vicious for an angel maybe he should have some chocolate to calm him down and then runs a finger down M's chest and holds it to M's lips
M bites his finger
L grins and says yes isn't biting fun?
M growls
L says M should growl more often and he should also be L's plate more often and then goes back to cleaning chocolate off M's chest
M has had enough and flips them over and says he shouldnt and that's the last time he does that and THEN he remembers he should stand up and wipe himself clean
L looks down and says M's gotten chocolate all over him and then makes his shirt disappear but leaves the chocolate behind on his skin
M says he can bloody well clear it off himself
L says M's got such a nice tongue
M growls
L says M should use his tongue more often
M says he does when he talks
L says M could put it to much better use than that
M says it's already used just enough
L says the chocolate's very yummy
M says more for L then whippie
L scowls and says he isn't moving
M hands him a chocolate and starts clearing up
L sulks
M offers him a duckie
L screams and stands up and throws a chair at M
M yelps and wants to cry
L isn't sorry at all and says next time he'l throw the table
M tries to put the chair under the table calmly
L makes the chair 'accidently' hit M in the shin
M winces and pretends it didnt hurt
L grins unrepetently and asks if Me's having trouble with the furniture
M says no its fine old furniture has a life of its own
L says yes that's true and makes the table legs break and the table drops onto M's foot
M closes his eyes and counts to ten
L makes the other end of the table flip up and smack M on the forehead
M grits his teeth and says hail bloody marys
L makes a package of flour fall out of the cupboard and drop over M's head, covering him in flour
M coughs and hands Lucy a yellow rose
L picks off the petals and eats it
M tidies up again
L says M always ignores him and it isn't very nice for an angel to do that
M says what would he like to talk about?
L shrugs and says he doesn't care
M says - cheese?
L says he doesn't like cheese
M says what then
L says he wouldn't make furniture throw itself at M if M didn't ignore him. Probably
M sits down across from him and smiles reasonably (or tries to but is slightly wincing)
L smiles and says it *is* fun to make furniture throw itself at M though
M says fine but can they use ikea furniture
L says only if it's made of wood or stone or other such heavy materials, suitable for causing pain
M says sure
L says maybe M should make some more chocolate pudding
M says later
L pouts
M hands him a duckie
L sits quietly for a moment looks at the duckie and then screams and storms out and sits outside
M worriedly tidies an already tidy room
And eventually makes a chocolate pudding appear beside Lucy
L sticks a finger in the pudding sucks the chocolate off and refuses to go inside
M is not crying no and cleans yet again and eventually goes back to heaven in an apron, fussing
L burns the house down and sits outside watching and eating the pudding
Ah, our darling muses. How they screw each other up.
Sympathy for the Devil - Lucy plots something naughty
Lucifer is considering gate crashing that Seder just for amusement's sake.
Metaboo would bitchslap him out - everyone eating peacefully, two angels fighting outside the window
M: mental image of him thwapping Lucy with a spatual whilst wearing a 'kiss the chef' apron
L: And Lucifer would be so taken aback he'd just take it. For a few seconds, anyway.
M: YOU ARE NOT RUINING THIS PARTY YOU BASTARD *thwap thwap*
M: Don't make me get out the egg whisk!
L: My Lucifer muse is shaking his head and refusing to take part in such an undignified situation.
L: He's plotting starting a food fight in his head and turning all the food into deadly missiles.
M: meanwhile Giles and Ethan arehaving messy carsex
M says he can fuck off
or he'll pelt Lucy with happy easter cakes
L says he can go sit in his garden and cry.
M says he'll sit in his garden and not cry just to spite Lucy
and be all happy so ner
M: how childish they are
L: *shakes head* Silly muses
M: *thwaps them* play nice
L says he's allergic to playing nice
M says he has an anti-histemine spray
L says M can take his anti-histemine spray and stick it up his nose.
M says only if Lucy does the same
L says M's the one being childish anyway
M says oh yeah?
L says yeah
M says L started it
L says M started it by being a stupid angel
M says he isn't stupid
L says yes he is
M says L's just projecting
L says M's just making up psychobabble to cover the fact that he's stupid.
M says he didn't know L could use long words like 'stupid' and he's proud and gives him a sticker
L makes the sticker say 'I talked to a stupid angel and all I got for my troubles was this stupid sticker'
M says if it makes him happy and sticks it on his nose
L says it doesn't make him happy and that he deserved much more for putting up with M.
M says he can have a hug and a lollypop but that's all
L says M's a stingy bastard. And he'll take the lollypop.
M hands it over and says there there
L pulls the lolly off the stick and throws it at M, bouncing it off his forehead, and says now he feels better.
M says he's happy
L says he hopes M bruises
M says he can't really but he could use face paint if that helped
L says he could conduct an experiment and see how long he'd have to hit an angel before the angel bruises.
M says if it keeps him busy but they have to watch Chicken Run while he does it
L says why chicken run?
M says he likes it
L says he should've known M would have terrible taste in just about everything.
M says Chicken Run then whatever L wants
L says he's got some lovely footage of his last trip to the lower pits of Hell
M says sure if he gives a voiceover
L says the screams tend to drown everything else out
M says fine then is he ready?
L says he wants a kiss first
M says *fine* but no chocolate
L says he's got a really nice chocolate though that he was saving just for M
M says he'd prefer L to have it
But thathe has some nice angel cake if L doesnt want chocolate
L says he's not really a fan of angel cake
M says pity
L says not really, especially not if M's going to try the same trick he pulled with the chocolate
M says he isn't underhanded
Well not *that* underhanded
And if he was he'd have much more tact
L says M is so underhanded and he would've tried it first if he was smart enough to think of it
M says he had actually but that if L came back through trickery he hadn't actually come back so ner
L says M's just demonstrating how stupid he is and he shouldn't be proud of being a dumb angel
M says are they watching the film or not
L says he doesn't want to watch a film about clay chickens who can't fly
M says why not
M says it's a lovely metafilmic piece with loads of references
Lucy:
L says its a stupid move about clay chickens who can't fly and it's voiced over by Mel Gibson who should have his eyes pecked out by those same chickens
L dislikes Gibson yes but he says at least it isn't Bloom
L says he didn't think anyone could be as stupid as an angel but Bloom comes very close.
And that doesn't mean he'll watch Chicken Run.
M shudders at the thought of Bloom as one of the undying
And he says what then
L says he could always give M's wings a massage
M says no thanks but his feet are a bit sore
Ad he'd give L a wing massage if HE wanted
L says he'd always thought M didn't like his wings
M says he thinks the black just doesn't suit his complexion
But he'll give him a wing massage anyway
L says black happens to look very good on him thank you very much and M has crappy taste anyway. And he'll take that wing massage too.
M says L does it too excessively and L shouldn't talk when he has Azrael and his hats as a follower. And that L can sit down then to make it easier.
L says he never asked Azrael to follow him, God just booted the stupid muse out of Heaven after the War and he never had any say in the matter and he doesn't do it too excessively. And he sits down and unfurls his wings.
M sits down behind him and tuts and just starts at L's shoulders
L purrs and says M would look very yummy in all black
M says he'd need a little colour or it would be overpowering. Maybe a hint of green
L says he doesn't like green or purple or blue or any of the colours really but he rather likes them altogether in black. And green would make M look washed out.
M says not if he just used a little green. How about red then?
L says red's all right and he's got some lovely blood red ties in Hell M could borrow
M says if L agrees to wear one too
Because all black is just drab
L says all black isn't drab, it's stylish, and what would M know because he's walking around in a shiny purple suit.
M says oh shush and hands him another lolly and carries on massaging his wings
L laughs, sucks on the lolly and says M's obviously embarrassed about his lack of style but that's okay, he won't tease him anymore. Much.
M says yes dear and just carries on
L relaxes and says M has good hands. It's too bad he uses them for being all divine and Heavenly.
M says thanks and ditto but reversed. And does he want some music on?
L says his hands have more fun being bad. And M can put on whater music he likes, provided it doesn't suck.
M says what music doesn't suck then
L says probably anything M doesn't like
M says what then
And M doesnt think L could ever like country music
L says it was his side that came up with country music but no he doesn't particularly like it and he's feeling giving so M can put on whatever he likes, even if it does suck
M says thanks and puts on the Stones
L laughs and makes Sympathy For The Devil come on
M shrugs and carries on
And says the lyrics aren't that good
L says M has no taste and could he rub a little bit higher.
M says sure and he just thinks they lack a little something
...Um. Weird break here. Some of the convo's missing.
M says not complaining? Hah.
L says he doesn't complain, he informs others of their deficiencies.
M says same difference with the effort L puts into it
L says like M is one to talk about others complaining with the amount of time he spends whinging about everything in existence.
M says so what he never claimed not to complain and he doesn't complain about EVERYTHING
L says he does so, he complains about everything and more besides.
M says does not and pokes him in the side
L says does so and grabs his finger and doesn't let go.
M says who's being childish now?
L says M is
M says fine and just carries on massaging with one hand
L says M IS childish and plays with M's hand
M shrugs and carries on, humming to the song
L says M's probably the most childish being in all existence.
M says really? in a really devil-may-care blase tone
L says really, probably even more childish than every child ever born put together and you can't get much more childish than that
M says some children are very mature and he can only do one wing with one hand
L says some children taste very good with bbq sauce and M isn't getting his other hand back
M says fine but shuffle over a little so he can at least try and work evenly
L moves and says M shouldn't be such a perfectionist
M sticks out his tongue and says sor-ry for caring about his wings
L says his wings don't need M to care about them. But that doesn't mean he should stop.
M just laughs and carries on
L sits quietly for a little while and then wonders outloud what angel wings would look like with all the feathers pulled out.
M says very bare
L says they'd be a fashion statement and M should let him pull all his feathers out.
M says no thanks he likes his wings ask Gabriel instead
L says he wouldn't touch Gabriel's wings with a ten foot pole. Unless it was to tear them off.
M says pity then
L says M is uncurably unfashionable.
M says he likes it that way
L says purple shiny suits are horrendous and M should be thrown out of Heaven just for wearing something so gross.
M says God doesn't mind and no one else complains
L says hello he complains all the time
M says no one *else*
And M wants to know why his fashion sense or lack thereof is so important to L
Because dressing 'well' isn't anything to do with the war
L says he doesn't have to tell M why and M can't make him
M says he doesn't need to know *that*badly
L says he bets M is dying of curiosity
M says no not really, he doesn't understand The Plan and that's bigger and been around longer so a little thing like L's quirks is no big
L says he bets M wants to know so much he'd put on an all black suit to find out
M says not really
L says it's a sin to lie
M says does L see him donning all black to see? No. So he wasn't lying.
L says M must be in denial as well. Poor angel.
M says can he have his hand back please?
L says no
M says fine
L says he's keeping M's hand forever and because its attached to M, he'll just have to keep all of him.
M says L will have to come to Heaven then and on do-gooding trips
L says he'll come on do-gooding trips just to see how he can screw them up.
M says he can't screw them up sorry
And is he ready to come to Heaven?
L says he can so screw them up. And he isn't actually allowed in heaven at the moment because God's still a little pissed off about that War thing.
M says he's sorry but if L wants to hold his hand forever he'll have to come back and that means apologising
L says he's not going back and he's not apologising and M isn't getting his hand back anyway so it doesn't really matter
M says he can go back any time he wants so L can either let go or come back and say sorry and they can all have a nice party
A really nice big party
L says nice parties in Heaven are boring, even really nice big parties, and he doesn't like nice stuff anyway. He isn't going to let go either so M's just going to have come up with another solution.
M says he HAS to go back and he *can* just go back whether L likes it or not, and he's sorry but it's true and if he *really* wants he can hold his hand when he's down on earth and not working but that's the best he can do. And what music does he want on next?
L lets go of M's hand and says he didn't really want to hold M's stupid hand anyway. And he wants the country song 'I ran over my dog and then my truck broke down ' next.
M puts that song on and says L would like the kind of party they'd throw for him, quietly, and starts doing his wings again
L says his wings are fine now thankyou, M can go do his do-gooding stuff now.
M says alright then he hopes he likes the song and gets up. And then he says L's wings are too tense and he should get them massaged more often.
L says his wings are perfectly fine how they are and they're none of M's concern anyway.
M shrugs and says L's funeral and vanishes- but not before some massage oil drops in L's lap
L pulls a face and disappears - but not before putting the massage oil in his pocket.
Metaboo acts weirdly and once again infuriates Lucy
Metaboo offers hugs
Lucifer pulls a face and says he can stick those hugs somewhere uncomfortable.
Dracula calls everyone pathetic Metatron says
That doesn't comfort Lucifer in the slightest
M says he has chocolates and flowers for Lucy
And hands them over
L turns them to ash and blows them back
M smiles sadly and says he's sorry Lucy's not hungry and he'll stop bothering him but he can come find him when he wants to
L stamps his feet and screams at M to stop acting so weird
M says he's sorry, nods and vanishes
L fumes and sets fire to random buildings
Metaboo plans cruel and unusual punishment, ie. karaoke
Lucifer says he thought causing other people pain was his job.
Metaboo says Lucy is always wrong
Lucifer says Metatron is always stupid. And wrong about Lucifer being wrong - because he's stupid.
Metaboo offers him a cookie
Lucy takes the cookie and eyes it suspiciously
Metaboo grins and asks him how hell was
Lucy says hell was hot, it's that time of year. And what's in the cookie
Metaboo says chocolate chips
Lucy asks *just* chocolate chips
Metaboo says there may be nut traces in it he doesn't know
Lucy eats the cookie and says it isn't very good
Metaboo says sorry does he prefer double choc chip?
Lucy says he prefers the blood of angels
Metaboo says sorry they don't make angelcookies
Lucy says they should, there's a niche market for them
Metaboo shrugs and says he's not looking to sell
Lucy says everyone sells for the right price
Metaboo says yes, Lucy's apology to God
Lucy says okay he's sorry that God's such a sanctimonious sadistic bastard
Metaboo says that gets him another cookie
Lucy asks one with angel blood?
Metaboo says not quite
Lucy says with what then?
Metaboo says rasperries
Lucy says he doesn't like raspberries nearly so much as angel blood
Metaboo says he can learn to say sorry properly then
Lucy says he already knows how to say sorry and just because M doesn't like what he was apologised for, doesn't mean he shouldn't get a proper reward.
M *cuts his finger slightly then dabs it on Lucy's nose* There.
L rubs it off, licks his fingers, swoons, and asks if M happens to want any more apologies
M says yes Lucy can apologise to God for Lucy himself being an aorrogant twat and wrong
L says he'd hate to lie
M says thats a lie itself and he's not getting any more till he starts to feel sorry for how badly he behaves
L stamps his feet and says that's not fair because he doesn't behave badly, he's just drawn that way.
M points to everything he's done and asks is that bad or not?
L considers and then opens his mouth, pauses, considers and then grins and says yes, isn't it fantastic?
M says no and plays with his duckie
L says M has a duckie obsessions and it's weird
M says so what and huggles his duckie desperately
L stares and says that M is more unhinged than he thought
M shrugs and says Lucy should have a duckie
L says he doesn't need a duckie thank you very much especially not if hugging is required
M says hugging isn't and gives him a yellow one anyway
He says feel free to torture it
L stares at the duckie and then sticks a pin in it and says it isn't much fun when the duckie doesn't scream
M shrugs and makes a squeaking noise for it
L sighs and says that isn't very satisfying and then makes it squeak again anyway
M says cookie?
L glares and throws the duckie at M
M catches it and puts it with the devilduckie and squeaks them together
L grins and says M is living vicariously through the duckies
M says so what
L says that's kind of pathetic.
M shrugs and has a squeaking conversation between the duckies
L stares and says no it's really pathetic now
And then asks what they're saying to each other
M says they are singing a duet
L says M is a twisted angel
M says yes he is
L adds that M has cracked and should probably be relieved of his duty
M says God likes him just fine
L says God has no taste
M shrugs and refuses to make the bitchy comment he's thinking
L pokes M in a very annoying way
M pets him vaguely on the shoulder
L pokes him again and then sets the duckies on fire
M puts the fire out and gives Lucy a hat
L scowls and says he doesn't want a hat and melts the duckies into a puddle of duckie rubber
M makes new ones and says the hat looks nice
L treads on the hat and says M should get over this duckie thing because it's weird
M says he doesnt care if its weird and why does he even care
L says he doesn't think a devil duckie would sing a duet
M says HIS does
L says not anymore
M makes another
L says he's not going to let any devil thing sing a duet so M will just have to get over it
M says solo then?
L says no singing at all
M pouts
L pinches M
M thwaps his hand
L pokes M with a stick
M beams
L stares and asks why M's grinning
M shrugs and grins
L frowns and says he wants to know
M refuses
L stamps his foot
M smiles
L glares
M beams
L snarls and turns away
M hands him an angel-shaped cookie
L drops it and steps on it
M shrugs
L says M's cookies suck
M says he's sorry
L says that M's apologies suck too
M shrug and plays with his stick
L says that M's stick is a phallic symbol
M says it was a present
L says M seems to enjoy playing with his stick
M says he does
He also says L projects
L says he doesn't project, he sees things as they are
M shrugs and plays
L says M is rather obsessed with his stick
M thwaps him with it
L says that's sexual harrassment
M says it can't be he can't have sex
L says he can if he really wants to
M says he can't
L says yes he can
M shrugs and gives him the stick
L breaks the stick and laughs
Metaboo plays with his duckies and the muses demonstrate how a dysfunctional relationship works
Metaboo plays with them
He's giving Lucy a pink one for his birthday
Lucy is going to do something not very nice to it probably.
Metaboo still gives it him
Lucy pulls it's head off and sticks it on a little pike
Metaboo shrugs
Lucy throws the body of the duckie at M's head
M catches it and puts a bow on it
L stares and asks when M became so soppy
M says he is not soppy
L says yes he is, he just put a bow on the body of a duckie
M says he is not soppy
L says yes he is so
M shrugs and makes the tea
L puts a sign on M's back that says 'I am a big soppy angel who lives vicariously through rubber duckies, please kick me'
M says how hungry is Lucy and thinks a sign on Lucy's back saying 'I am a childish fallen angel who doesn't know what is best for me and takes out my unhappiness on everyone else and needs hugs from people who can't be immediately blasted or hurt much by me'
L says he's very hungry and changes the sign on his back to say 'I am a fallen angel who knows what's really going on in this stupid existence and takes my fustration out on everyone else because they deserve it for being so stupid and needs angel blood because I'm very hungry, not hugs'
M hands him a huge plate of food and changes the sign to 'I'm a sourpuss, just hug me'
L takes the plate of food, puts it down and takes the sign off his back and holds it up to show to M with a pathetic look on his face
M grins and asks more salt?
L looks down and his bottom lip quivers distressingly
M says vinegar?
L drops the sign
M pats him on the shoulder
L shrugs his hand away
M HUGS
L laughs evilly and bites M hard on the neck and says that's what you get for hugging me
M just winces and rubs Lucy's back and isn't crying and doesn't want to nope
L laughs some more and says isn't hugging fun
M says yes it is and hugs him tighter- possibly out of spite
L squirms and says M is squishing him
M squeezes a bit harder before he lets go
L shudders and says hugs are icky unless bitings involved
M says if thats how he feels
L looks up perkily and asks if that means they can combine hugging and biting from now on?
M says maybe
L grins happily
M says does he want his desert then or is he not hungry now
L says he's always hungry
M says he made him chocolate puding
L asks if he can lick it off M
M says he can lick the bowl
L says that's not nearly as fun and it would be much better for both of them if he used M's chest as a plate
M says not really and hands him the cake and starts washing pots because he isn't thinking about it no no
L looks at the cake looks at M looks at the cake again and then pounces on M and tackles him to the ground
M yelps and thwaps him with a dripping wet spatula and a dishcloth
L growls and turns the spatula and dishcloth to ash as well as M's shirt
M eeps and says no fair and blows in Lucy's face
L says when has he ever played fair and then turns the bowl of pudding upside down over M's chest
M thwaps him and says stop it and tries to get up
L grins and pushes M down and says M can't get up because L hasn't had his dessert yet and then L leans down and licks up M's chest
M screams and struggles like crazy and says stop it he doesn't like it, pleeeeeeease
[but also conveniently forgets he can just *piffle*]
L laughs and says M's a liar and then licks chocolate off M's nipple
M SCREAMS and tries to kick him
L says M is rather vicious for an angel maybe he should have some chocolate to calm him down and then runs a finger down M's chest and holds it to M's lips
M bites his finger
L grins and says yes isn't biting fun?
M growls
L says M should growl more often and he should also be L's plate more often and then goes back to cleaning chocolate off M's chest
M has had enough and flips them over and says he shouldnt and that's the last time he does that and THEN he remembers he should stand up and wipe himself clean
L looks down and says M's gotten chocolate all over him and then makes his shirt disappear but leaves the chocolate behind on his skin
M says he can bloody well clear it off himself
L says M's got such a nice tongue
M growls
L says M should use his tongue more often
M says he does when he talks
L says M could put it to much better use than that
M says it's already used just enough
L says the chocolate's very yummy
M says more for L then whippie
L scowls and says he isn't moving
M hands him a chocolate and starts clearing up
L sulks
M offers him a duckie
L screams and stands up and throws a chair at M
M yelps and wants to cry
L isn't sorry at all and says next time he'l throw the table
M tries to put the chair under the table calmly
L makes the chair 'accidently' hit M in the shin
M winces and pretends it didnt hurt
L grins unrepetently and asks if Me's having trouble with the furniture
M says no its fine old furniture has a life of its own
L says yes that's true and makes the table legs break and the table drops onto M's foot
M closes his eyes and counts to ten
L makes the other end of the table flip up and smack M on the forehead
M grits his teeth and says hail bloody marys
L makes a package of flour fall out of the cupboard and drop over M's head, covering him in flour
M coughs and hands Lucy a yellow rose
L picks off the petals and eats it
M tidies up again
L says M always ignores him and it isn't very nice for an angel to do that
M says what would he like to talk about?
L shrugs and says he doesn't care
M says - cheese?
L says he doesn't like cheese
M says what then
L says he wouldn't make furniture throw itself at M if M didn't ignore him. Probably
M sits down across from him and smiles reasonably (or tries to but is slightly wincing)
L smiles and says it *is* fun to make furniture throw itself at M though
M says fine but can they use ikea furniture
L says only if it's made of wood or stone or other such heavy materials, suitable for causing pain
M says sure
L says maybe M should make some more chocolate pudding
M says later
L pouts
M hands him a duckie
L sits quietly for a moment looks at the duckie and then screams and storms out and sits outside
M worriedly tidies an already tidy room
And eventually makes a chocolate pudding appear beside Lucy
L sticks a finger in the pudding sucks the chocolate off and refuses to go inside
M is not crying no and cleans yet again and eventually goes back to heaven in an apron, fussing
L burns the house down and sits outside watching and eating the pudding
Ah, our darling muses. How they screw each other up.