Mitigation Part 1
Jongin wants nothing more than to get his parents to finally notice his existence. He mistakenly assumes that getting into frequent fights will change this situation. Sehun, on the other hand, wants nothing more than for Jongin to stop putting himself in harm's way and realize that he needs to stop trying to earn a love that isn't there... especially when such love is already being offered by someone else.
It actually made a great deal of sense, if one stopped to contemplate it. For, no matter how close they were- either literally, as in distance from each other, or figuratively, as in the extent and solidity of their friendship- Jongin always, always seemed distant.
But, for an undesirable period of time, said best friend was consistently absent. Absent, as in getting himself into God knows what kind of trouble...
...and absent, as in, his thoughts were lingering in the deep recesses of his mind, honing in on an assortment of insecurities and melancholic notions.
Such was the tragic state he was presently in, regrettably, as he splayed out across Sehun's bed and gazed blankly at the barren ceiling. Several minutes with no sound other than that of the ticking of a clock passed by, without Jongin displaying any sort of inclination of engaging Sehun in a conversation, leading the younger to make a move of his own (not the one he truly wished to make, however).
"Jonginnie," He finally spoke, voice even softer than intended. "What's up?" His attempt at coming across as casual fell flat, and he realized this as soon as he was met with the sight of arched brows and a crooked mouth.
"Nothing...?" The judgmental tone did anything except quell his anxiety.
Sehun blew his bangs up and away from his forehead, spinning around aimlessly in his computer chair, images of various artists and sports figures blurring into one as he completed countless rotations. "Why are you so quiet, dude?"
He decelerated to a stop and watched with increasingly dilated eyes as Jongin sat up to meet his gaze more easily, the older male wincing a bit as he performed such actions.
"I'm just tir--"
He broke off in the middle of his final word, distracted by Sehun's sudden movements, and soon his best friend's face was only mere inches away from his own.
"Bullshit." Sehun hissed, already surmising what Jongin's genuine reasons were.
He carefully pressed his fingers against Jongin's abdomen, eyes trained on the other boy's pair as he did so; breath halting partway down his throat. Jongin's own breath hitched, russet eyes scrunching up in pain as his body instantaneously recoiled from Sehun's touch.
"Goddamn it, Jongin--" Sehun inhaled extremely slowly, lightly shoving his best friend onto his back once more.
"Show me." He demanded, and Jongin turned his head to the side, hiding his expression as he shamelessly dragged the fabric of his tee up his torso.
Normally, Sehun's attention would have automatically been drawn to the toned planes of his best friend's stomach, but the presence of dark blotches marring the skin detracted from its usual beauty.
"Jongin," He whispered, slender digits stretching out to come into contact with the older male's abdomen for a second time.
Absentmindedly, his fingertips traced along the ridges of Jongin's stomach, and although his touch was gentle, his voice was entirely the opposite once he belatedly chose to speak.
"You need to stop doing this."
Now that he was closer, his eyesight was more meticulous, able to distinguish other flaws in Jongin's generally immaculate exterior. Sehun chose not to dwell on the fact that this was becoming more often of an occurrence, threatening to escalate and eventually transition into the norm.
He fought off the urge to caress the cracked skin of Jongin's lower lip, and it took just as much willpower to withdraw his hand from his best friend's stomach upon the delayed realization that his actions were rather... strange, given their platonic relationship.
“Don’t move.” His words were subdued, but they still managed to carry with them a promise of punishment if Jongin were to disregard them.
Footsteps as light as his pitch resonated through the floor as Sehun slipped into the bathroom, rummaging through the medicine cabinet in pursuit of supplies that could be utilized for the benefit of his brainless best friend.
He returned to said best friend’s side in a matter of seconds, fingertips working at the cap of disinfectant before applying the substance to every cut and split and bruise (Sehun couldn’t care less about whether or not his ministrations were legitimately helpful or not; he just possessed the desire to feel useful) he could catch sight of and get his hands (a.k.a. Q-tips and cotton swabs) on.
Repeated like a mantra was the following phrase in his mind: You don’t care.
You don’t care. You don’t care if he’s hurt. You don’t care if he’s in pain. You don’t care if his whimpers are a 1:1 ratio of pitiful-left-outside-in-the-pouring-rain-puppy and oh-my-lips-are-forming-your-name-in-a-way-that-sounds-oddly-sensual. You don’t care if the grip of his fingers around your wrist also seems to constrict the movement of your heart; precluding it from functioning as per the standard previously designated.
…You don’t care if he seems not to care… about you… in the way… that you care about…
Him… It had always been him.
Even when at an age so young that not one soul agreed that it was either appropriate or a possibility for him to love- let alone love another boy- Sehun had known that a disproportionate part of his heart had belonged to him.
It truly hadn’t been a problem until recently- until high school… Until hormones, until horniness, until realizations and revelations; denial and desire.
Love, love, love… it was the word of choice when it came to Jongin. The accursed word would materialize in his mind as an accompaniment to the fleeting (more like, lingering) thought of that piece of shit Kim Jongin.
Why did he have to care so much about somebody who seemed to care so little, about both himself and his best friend? Wasn’t Jongin aware of the extent to which it pained him each time his gaze locked onto yet another wound; each time his eyes trailed after a stumbling, hunched form struggling just to make it up the steps to his residence? Didn’t he realize that for every wound he received, Sehun was afflicted with one that sliced twelve inches deeper?
Sehun already held the knowledge that Jongin wasn’t too proficient at observations, however… He’d been in love with the fucktard for how many years? And yet, Jongin never suspected a thing? Love was blind, yes, but Sehun had never expected this to drag on for quite this amount of time; he hadn’t expected things to be this prolonged. He had figured that Jongin would just snap out of it one day and be like, ‘Oh. Shit. You love me.’
And, of course, Sehun had anticipated for the subsequent words to be something or other about rejection and regret, blah blah blah. Either way, why exactly hadn’t it happened yet? Love was blind, but that made Sehun the blind one.
How could Jongin possibly miss seeing the love practically scrawled across his earnest, yearning face? Even now, when all he could manage to feel was bitter, and useless, there was always that underlying, persevering love that somehow succeeded in emerging from where it was concealed beneath the failure of a nonchalant façade.
“Is this because of what I think it is?” Sehun carefully ventured as he gathered up all of his supplies so he could return them to their proper place.
Jongin’s gaze flickered from his best friend’s face to the ceiling and then back again, his own face clouded with an indiscernible expression.
“Jongin?”
“Do I need a reason?” He snapped, and their roles were suddenly reversed as Sehun flinched and instinctively shrank away.
Nevertheless, Sehun stood his ground, even if his voice was hushed and held little to no acrimony. “Yeah. You’d goddamn better have a reason for hurting yourself like this…”
At this, Jongin forces himself to sit up, gritting his teeth and digging his nails into the comforter, but otherwise displaying no indication of pain.
“I’m not the one hurting myself, Sehun. I didn’t beat myself up.”
Sehun could perform no action besides the shaking of his head. “Yeah, well, you let it happen.”
He lifted the supplies up into his arms and promptly slid off the bed, headed back towards the bathroom to return each item to its proper place. When he reappeared in his bedroom, Jongin was already preoccupied with slipping on his previously tied shoes (he never bothered to unlace them), face scrunched up in agony at being bent over (not in the sense that Sehun wished for) in order to reach the sneakers.
“What are you doing?” Sehun asked, speaking even softer than what could be considered a whisper.
“Goin’ home.” His best friend simply responded, painstakingly rising to his feet and readjusting his shirt so that it settled properly against his lithe frame, gaze centered on a spot upwards of four feet from Sehun.
“I thought you were staying over,” Sehun spoke imprudently, blinking in distinct disorientation.
“Yeah, well, I thought you’d be more understanding.”
Sehun found himself biting down on his bottom lip with such force that it almost drew blood. He felt his eyes sting for some particular reason that he couldn’t quite distinguish, and he hastily turned away so as to shield himself from any further torment. It felt as if a cool gust of air brushed against him when really it was only Jongin making his way out of the room, but either way, Sehun’s body only felt frozen, both in temperature and in position.
He swallowed what felt like a lump the size of a tennis ball in his throat, but found himself unable to breathe for a second time when he felt slender arms swiftly wind around his waist from behind.
“I’m sorry,” Came a timorous, restrained voice that he hadn’t expected to hear for at least a minimum of twenty-four hours. “I’m a dick to you, when you’re the only one who isn’t a dick to me-”
I may not be a dick, but I have a dick, and you’re perfectly welcome to it-
“I’ll stay the night… I mean. If you’ll still have me…”
Those words were uttered in a manner that seemed sexual rather than platonic, and Sehun found himself screwing- not Jongin, mind you- his eyes shut as he struggled to block out all of the perverse thoughts constantly circulating through his head.
“You’re always welcome here, you know that, Jonginnie…” He felt sort of silly putting that nickname into use, especially after the tension (not sexual, much to Sehun’s disappointment) that they’d experienced just a minute prior.
“Thanks, Hun.” Jongin proceeded to lower his arms, releasing Sehun from an embrace that he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his pathetic life in.
“I’m stealing your clothes.”
“Don’t you always?” Sehun muttered under his breath, but it was in a tone that verified how endearing he found Jongin to be.
He couldn’t force himself to divert his gaze… instead, he was captivated by the sight of Jongin’s toned thighs and the sharp curve of his spine, and he almost allowed his eyes to wander further before he finally snapped out of it and began to count the quantity of stripes on his socks.
Don’t get affected don’t be creepy don’t get affected don’t look don’t look don’tlookdon’tlookdon’tlook-
“These sweatpants are nice.” Jongin absently commented, and Sehun was only capable of providing him with a snort as a response.
“What? They are!”
“Yeah, yeah, we both know they’re my favorite, and you only wear them in an attempt to piss me off.”
Jongin spontaneously flashed the most expansive of smiles; a smile that bordered on transforming into a smirk. “Is it working?”
This evoked an amused peal of laughter from Sehun. “No. You know I don’t care; they look better on you anyways.”
Sehun took a moment to fully appreciate the enticing view of his best friend clad in slightly snug grey material. “You can even have them, if you want.” He found his lips moving of their own accord, probably as a result of the multitude of thoughts moving through his mind, each agreeing that it would be quite satisfying to see Jongin in his sweats on a more frequent basis.
(It would be infinitely more satisfying to be granted with the sight of Jongin without sweatpants, actually- sans everything, but the chances of that were… well, let’s just say they were lower than the possibility of Michael Jackson rising from the grave and belting out the lyrics to “Billie Jean.”) (But then again, who knows if Michael Jackson had ever truly died… Jongin refused to believe it, anyways.)
“What? No, then they’d lose the appeal! You’re so silly, Sehun~”
“Huh?”
Jongin playfully rolled his eyes, a complete 180 from his behavior mere minutes before. “I only want to wear them cuz they’re yours, Sehunnie. Duh.”
There was no alteration to Sehun’s response. “Huh?”
“God, you dumbshit, it’s like a friend thing? Sharing clothes? Ever heard of it?”
Oh, right. Friends. That’s all you guys are, keep that in mind, you really are a dumbshit sometimes-
“Oh, right.”
“Okay, so what’re we gonna do tonight?”
I don’t know about you, but I had plans for excessive amounts of obvious, plaintive staring and playing a game called ‘how much supposedly casual touching can I get away with without it seeming odd or inherently gay.’ Even if that is what I am. Not odd, just… exceedingly, inherently gay.
“Uh, you know…” An awkward cough. “Whatever.”
“That’s super fucking helpful, Oh Sehun.” Even people who were awful at detecting sarcasm could have recognized its presence in Jongin’s intonation.
“Glad to have been of service.”
Before Jongin could part those full lips of his to pose an additional complaint, Sehun spoke for a second time. “You know what, maybe we should just go to sleep? It’s kinda late, and you need your rest, anyways.”
The other boy sounded anything but entertained, but he clambered onto the bed in a manner that proved otherwise. “So much for a fun sleepover.”
“It’s not even that late,” Jongin murmured somewhat inarticulately, face already squashed against Sehun’s pillow.
“I know,” Sehun barely succeeded at withholding a chuckle. “But you seem as if you could fall asleep at any second.”
“Mm.” Jongin hummed in confirmation, snuggling further into the pillow that carried the scent of his best friend before wrapping his arms around it as an added measure.
“Hey, don’t fall asleep before I get in, you bed hog!” Sehun teasingly chastised as he hastily rid himself of his own jeans and replaced them with black sweats, thankful that the other boy was incapable of watching as he did so.
“Sehuuuuuun,” Jongin whined lowly after Sehun basically leaped onto his sprawled-out form. (Truthfully, he had just jumped onto the space beside Jongin, before proceeding to throw each and every one of his limbs over his best friend’s body so that they ended up in a chaotic mess, and so Jongin didn’t incur any further injuries.) “Get off of meee-”
“Should have moved~” Sehun sang, carefully wiggling around and laughing lightheartedly as his best friend only continued to produce sounds of annoyance.
Jongin somehow managed to maneuver his way out of the pile of limbs flopped over his back, rolling to his side before hooking his fingers around one of Sehun’s remarkably thin wrists and feebly pulling on it in a pleading gesture.
“Come cuddle with me,” He slurred, lifting and dropping Sehun’s arm multiple times in an attempt to be acknowledged properly.
Sehun could only supply a good-natured snort, already well on his way over to establish bodily contact between them both.
He gently guided Jongin’s head to rest against his chest before winding lanky arms around the boy’s narrow waist. His chin angled upwards, pressing against Jongin’s scalp and snugly securing his best friend’s position.
“’Night, Jonginnie~”
“’Night, Hun…” Jongin murmured drowsily, burying his face further into Sehun’s grey tee and absentmindedly inhaling a whiff of the younger male’s cologne.
“You smell good…”
Sehun snickered despite his efforts to keep quiet, but fortunately, Jongin remained in his half-asleep/half-awake state, gradually slipping more so into the slumber side of things before relinquishing his hold on consciousness entirely.
Sehun stayed awake for several minutes afterwards, just cherishing the feel of Jongin in his embrace (the other boy was rather strange about cuddling… sometimes he seemed all for it, while other times, he was adamantly against it) and observing how endearing little snuffles periodically emanated from the peacefully dozing male.
The soft sounds seemed to have a calming effect on him, and it wasn’t long until his awareness diminished, leaving him to slip into dreamland to join somebody who he doubted he could ever truly be with in reality.
~
It only took a few days or so before Sehun noticed that Jongin had developed a pattern of sorts, disappearing soon after darkness had encroached upon previously lit precincts and discreetly setting off eastward. Conveniently, this meant that the slightly older male had to pass right by the prying eyes of his very best friend. (These eyes were hidden away behind shutters and closed doors, however, so Jongin likely believed that he was getting away with his consistent nightly escapades).
Sehun was beyond concerned and his interest was beyond piqued, and so one especially gloomy night, after deciding he had felt despondent and disregarded for far too long, he decided to shadow his best friend's movements.
Where was Jongin going, and why must he be headed there at such an ungodly hour? Sehun prayed that it wasn't what he feared, but the likelihood of that was next to nothing.
As much as he hated to admit it, Jongin was no longer unpredictable, but he was growing overwhelmingly concerning day by day.
He slinked along behind the other boy, peeking around corners before daring to continue. Footsteps were kept lambent and breathing kept even, but the one thing that Sehun had absolutely no reign over was his heart, which had determined that this outing was equivalent to following the path up to an executioner's block; battering against his chest in what seemed to be an attempt to escape.
Although Sehun assumed that he was following his best friend as painstakingly and surreptitiously as somebody employed by MI6, he rounded one final corner only to find himself thrown against the nearest surface (despite him having checked his surroundings as per usual).
Slender fingers were wound around the front of his windbreaker, pressing him up against the side of a building, and Sehun couldn't help but wince in response to the impact of his body coming into contact with such harsh, unforgiving material.
"Why are you following me?" Jongin growled in a tone entirely unfamiliar to him, and although Sehun knew he should be afraid of getting his face bashed in due to lack of recognition, he couldn't help but dwell on the thought that those words somehow sounded seductive to his adolescent ears.
"Um." He intelligently responded, his mind clearly not catching up to the situation at hand.
"I'm gonna give you thirty seconds, and if I don't get an answer by then, I'm gonna skip out on the fight I already had planned and I'll kick your ass instead--"
"Jongin!" A sharp intake of breath was followed by him gripping onto Jongin's forearms, holding him in place despite his best friend displaying no inclination to depart.
"You can't!"
Those same slim digits lifted from their previous position to tug down the fabric shielding half of Sehun's face; traveling up even further once that was finished in order to push back the hood that had been secure around chestnut locks.
"Sehun?" Jongin questioned wonderingly, despite how senseless it was to ask such an undeniable thing.
"Who else would it be, dumbass? Do you think just anyone would bother to trail after such an idiot? I mean, seriously... getting into fights all the time? At night!? That's just... That's just fucking--"
"Fights," Jongin replied, voice void of any sort of inflection.
"Don't act all innocent, Kim Jongin. It's blatantly obvious how often you participate in such things, I mean... bruises. Like, every freaking day. Well, you know what, you aren't just hurting yourself, Jongin, it hurts m--"
"Oh, fuck." Jongin whispered, and although he hadn't spoken loud at all, it had been enough to break Sehun's concentration.
"Fuck is right, Jongin. Yeah. Yeah, do you finally get it? Do you think I'm okay after constantly seeing you in pain? Cuz I'm no--"
"You can't be here." Panic gradually rose within his irises; clawed its way up his throat and left a raw, tender feeling in its wake.
"Oh, now you're asking me to leave? That's bloody adorable. I'm not leaving until you agree to leave with me." He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the concrete wall, choosing to ignore how it had only caused him pain as of yet.
"No, really, Sehun... you cannot be here right now, because I'm meeting up with... someone... in only a matter of minutes. I... I don't want you to get caught up in that. This is my fight, Sehun..."
"Your fight? Yours? I thought we were in this together. We're supposed to have each other's backs, and I'm here to protect yours, because up until now? You've done a reeeeeeaaal shitty job of it."
He let his hands on Jongin's arms rearrange themselves until they were on his best friend's shoulders, and then he was shoving the other male in front of him, forcing him back the way they had both came.
"But-- Sehun-- I don't--"
"I don't care what you want," Sehun remarked, already anticipating Jongin's next words. "You're coming home with me, whether you like it or not."
"That's... That... That sounds..."
"Oh, shut up, already." Sehun snorted, hands slipping off of Jongin's shoulders before the fingers of one of them stealthily interlaced with those of his best friend's.
The connection between them caused contentment to seep through his palm and into his very body, the simultaneously comforting and thrilling feeling setting every nerve-ending alight with boundless energy each time that Jongin provided him with a gentle squeeze of a hand against his own.
He allowed himself to be lulled into a false sense of security, although he should have known that the cessation of Jongin's fighting would be over before he could even think to begin celebrating it.
~
Sehun had genuinely begun to delude himself into believing Jongin had forfeited exchanging hostilities with strangers when said best friend arrived at first period English with a severe contusion framing the left side of his jaw; shattering all previously existing misconceptions. The brim of a teal baseball cap was drawn low over his forehead, but even when he was hunched over with his head bent, the discoloration of his skin was sufficiently axiomatic, seizing Sehun’s attention every few moments despite how profoundly he struggled to divert his gaze.
As soon as the bell clanged- indicating the switching of classes- Sehun snatched Jongin’s wrist up into his fingers and dragged him over to the nearest empty supply closet, shoving him inside.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?” He was emphatic in both his gestures and the modulation of his voice, gripping onto his best friend’s collar with two tremulous hands.
“Getting forced into a closet courtesy of my best friend? That must look rather strange to other students, by the way…”
Sehun failed at battling back the blush steadily suffusing his cheeks, and instead elected to narrow his eyes at his flippant neighbor.
“That’s not something to be concerned about, Jongin, when the actual reason to be concerned is plastered right across your very fucking face-”
“I got roughed up a bit. So what? What’s it to you?”
“What’s it to-are you fu-I mean.” Sehun was required to inhale abnormally slowly, reining in his use of profanity and attempting to maintain some semblance of civility in his speech.
“What I mean, is… that I… I care, okay? I care a lot. And I just… I don’t like seeing you like this, Jongin…” He turned away to hide his shame and disconsolation, habitually gnawing at the pale pink skin of his bottom lip.
After a regrettably prolonged moment of uncomfortable silence, Sehun tacked on an additional sentence. “We should get to class...”
He shoved the door open far more carelessly than he had shoved Jongin, feet flying over the tiled floor as he did his best to create a great deal of distance between the two of them. Sehun should have known that anger wouldn’t help the situation, but it had bubbled up so viciously and purposefully within his stomach that he hadn’t been able to force it back down.
Jongin made an appearance at his home that night, toting along all of his emotional baggage and previous experiences; things that weighted Sehun down to an extent beyond belief- things that went unspoken. The first word that left his lips was merely a simple ‘hi,’ but Sehun could already feel his resolve disintegrating even before that straightforward greeting was followed by a just as direct apology.
“I’m sorry,” Jongin mumbled, distractedly knocking the tip of his sneaker against the welcome mat while avidly staring at said shoe in motion.
“What for?” Sehun feigned ignorance, somehow overcoming the urge to curl his lips into a mollified smile.
The relief that he was immersed in was instantaneous- he had feared that maybe there would be a sort of suspension of their friendship, and the dreadful thought had loomed over him the entire day, ever since Jongin had decided not to accompany him after the awkward closet incident. Nevertheless, he wanted to see if he could fluster his best friend a little bit more than he already was, and much to his satisfaction, he succeeded.
“I. Well… um. I was… rude? To you? Yeah. So…” Jongin stumbled over each and every one of his words, steadfastly refusing to meet Sehun’s eyes.
“How were you rude?” The slightest of snickers escaped him, and his game was ruined once Jongin’s head snapped up, suspicion evident in his expression.
“Hey!” A sharp hit was delivered to his arm, but Sehun was laughing too hard to form a protest, hastily retreating back into the safety of his home.
Jongin followed in his footsteps, glowering at his back as he kicked off his shoes. “Be happy I even said sorry, asshat.”
“Does asshat mean I get to sit on someone’s face?” Sehun spun around and phrased his question while sporting the most innocent of expressions on his face. “You know, like… a hat. For their face?”
Jongin appeared positively traumatized (or maybe he was just mortified, who knows) for a moment before casually shooting him down. “Hats go on people’s heads, dumbass.”
“Heads, as in… cock heads?”
Jongin’s cheeks were nearing the shade of a honeycrisp apple by this point. “Can we not talk about this? It’s really…” Slight pause. “-gay-”
“Annnnd…?” Sehun prompted, not allowing himself to appear offended just yet.
The red that had claimed Jongin’s cheeks quickly faded until his face was completely pale, and his voice dropped just as rapidly in volume. “I… didn’t realize that you were…”
“I didn’t realize that you didn’t realize that I was gay,” Sehun spoke with absolutely no hint of shame, folding his arms over his chest in a subtle defensive gesture.
Jongin’s teeth toyed with his bottom lip, rolling it around as his gaze scanned the entire room… excepting Sehun, of course. “That… certainly changes things.” He announced, leading Sehun to visibly deflate a little.
“Does it?” His words were uttered softly, sadly, and guilt immediately lacerated Jongin’s vocal chords; causing him to emit a cough as he swiftly strode forward, preparing to gather and reassemble the pieces of Sehun’s self-worth that he had just shattered.
“Not in a bad way,” Jongin reassured gently, drawing Sehun into his arms and holding his best friend as tightly as possible to him in hopes of proving that they could continue on similarly- vast quantity of skinship that they performed together included- with absolutely no issues whatsoever.
Sehun promptly hid his face in Jongin’s chest, shakily inhaling his neighbor’s scent as he struggled to calm the nerves, the thoughts, everything that was suddenly in overdrive.
“How could it possibly be in a good way?” The inquiry was delivered in the smallest of whispers, and Jongin proceeded to rub soothing circles between his best friend’s shoulder blades.
“It just… I just… I see you differently, that’s al- oh. Fuck.” His statement had induced Sehun to give a muted sniffle; clearly fending off an incoming crying session that Jongin was clearly the cause of.
“I d-didn’t mean that in a bad way either, God, I suck at this- Sehun, I’m sorry, I have absolutely no problem with you being gay, okay, please don’t hate me please just forget my side of this conversation because I’m such a bad friend-”
Sehun mumbled something incoherent into his shoulder as he squeezed lightly around his middle, something Jongin took to be a sign of forgiveness.
“So… we’re okay?” The most imperceptible of nods.
Jongin let out a noisy exhalation, clutching onto Sehun with renewed vigor. “I’ll always be your best friend… alright?”
But what if I want you to be more…
Jongin’s injuries were momentarily pushed aside to make way for this (not so) recent development. Now, if only Sehun were brave enough to admit how exactly he’d discovered his sexuality…
Alas, that was a confession meant for another day…
~
After that unforeseen revelation, Jongin began to notice certain aspects of Sehun that he hadn’t thought to reflect on before. Granted, what he was now noticing, he had assuredly noticed at some point or another already; only now, each thought and image filling his mind seemed to linger and resurface as soon as he’d assumed it had disappeared.
For example, Sehun tended to poke his tongue out periodically throughout any given day, tracing along the contours of his lips in an unintentionally (or maybe it was intentional, Jongin had no clue) sensual, leisured manner.
And no matter what activity Jongin happened to be preoccupied with, his gaze always got caught on that damned roseate tongue, and occasionally, his mind went blank, rendering him incapable of continuing with his previous actions.
If he was so easily distracted by something as simple as that, it was no surprise that the jeans Sehun routinely wore- the ones that were likely a size or two too small, fitting snugly to his lean form- seized his attention time and time again.
Jongin cursed this alteration of events- he was unaccustomed to viewing his best friend in such a way, unaccustomed to the attraction suddenly thrumming through his body. He didn’t permit himself to consider the possibility that maybe- just maybe- there had always existed some form or another of such an attraction.
Either way, curiosity had been accumulating within him for several days now, and thus, the next time he encountered his best friend, it was due to question-related matters rather than parental ones. He had shot him a text directly after school had concluded, telling Sehun to meet him by the front door. (An unnecessary measure, given that they met at that exact spot every single day, regardless).
He arrived there first- another constant in their lives, seeing as his class was closer- and killed some time by scrolling through various social media pages on his phone.
“Hey there, bucko. Whatchya looking at?” Sehun craned his neck to glance over Jongin’s shoulder, his sudden presence causing the other male to jump slightly and intuitively lock his phone despite the fact that he had no reason to hide what had been on the screen.
“Ohh, I see, was it something dirty?”
“Shut up, Sehun!” Jongin hissed, gently elbowing his friend in the stomach before gesturing for the boy to follow him.
“Wheeeere we gooooing~?” Sehun asked in a singsong, cheerful tone of voice as he skipped forwards to match pace with Jongin, hands knocking together as they walked.
“The park,” Jongin responded without any sort of hesitation, all too cognizant of how the back of Sehun’s hand would brush against his every so often.
The sudden urge to thread their fingers together arose, and he was reminded of the time when Sehun had kept him from a fight, tightly holding onto his hand and seeming as if he would never want to let it go. In that moment, Jongin had felt protected; he no longer had the impulse to involve himself in violent matters… his mind was flooded with thoughts associated only with Sehun, Sehun, Se-
“Hun.”
“Hmm?”
Jongin let his fingertips graze against Sehun’s for a period of time more extensive than usual, and he could barely suppress the sigh of content threatening to leave his lips once Sehun got the hint and linked their hands together without a second thought. Their fingers remained intertwined for the entire trek there, and as soon as they arrived, Jongin took a seat on a swing, unconsciously jutting his bottom lip out a little bit after having had to relinquish Sehun’s hand.
The other boy joined him within seconds, resting on the neighboring swing and lightly rocking his feet back and forth against the ground in order to ease the swing into steady, shallow motion. Jongin began to mirror his actions after a few minutes had passed, and it took several minutes more before either of them fractured the quietude.
“What made you want to come here, Jongin?” Sehun queried faintly, uncertain as to whether he should be concerned or just inquisitive.
“Oh,” Despite its low volume, Sehun’s voice had snatched Jongin from his teeming thoughts.
“I just… I wanted to talk with you. About… what you told me. A few days ago.” Jongin kept his gaze trained on the toecaps of his sneakers, feeling rather shy about the subject in its entirety, especially given the fact that he had qualms about his own sexual orientation.
Understanding immediately unfurled across Sehun’s face, and the slight color to his cheeks was tacit indication that he knew exactly where the conversation was directed. He didn’t offer up any input, and thus, Jongin was left to fumble around for additional words.
“Um… well, uh. I was just wondering… how exactly you realized that you were gay? Or, like… when you realized that you were gay… oh! Actually, just tell me both? Or just tell me the whole story? You’re kinda obligated to tell me-”
“Oh, am I, now?” Sehun retorted sarcastically, a sort of apprehensiveness settling heavily within his gut.
“Well… yeah.” Jongin continued onwards, finding no fault in his expectations. “I mean, we are best friends...”
I don’t need to be reminded of where I stand in this relationship, thank you very much.
“Soooo?” He coaxed, the softness in his eyes and the earnestness in his expression winning Sehun over in two seconds flat.
“Okay, okay…” Sehun inhaled incredibly slowly, gazing off into the distance as he summoned a mixture of thoughts and memories from several years ago, when the both of them were just starting high school together.
“I was in my first year of high school… There was this guy I liked, who was in the same gym class as me. Everything was fine for the first week or so, but... there was just one day, where I turned to speak to him in the locker room, and just…” That pale pink tongue skimmed over the crease of his lips, just before those very lips were thoroughly abused by the dragging of teeth over the lightly colored skin. “He was… shirtless. And just, I couldn’t concentrate on anything besides that, and-”
Sehun expelled all of the air from his lungs in a delayed manner, risking a glance at the boy sitting beside him. “Do I have to keep talking about this…?”
Hesitation was evident in Jongin’s expression, but in the end, he nodded slowly, indicating that Sehun should continue. “So was that when you knew?”
Sehun gave a shake of his head. “No, not exactly. I struggled with it for a while; I wouldn’t let myself believe that I was attracted to guys, let alone that guy in particular, but… I saw him every fucking day, and I just couldn’t get him out of my head; I couldn’t get all these… thoughts out of my head, I just… I wanted-”
“You wanted what?” Jongin prompted gently, keeping his voice low and quiet.
“I wanted him, Jongin,” Dual marks of crimson stained his cheeks and he cast his gaze downwards, far more embarrassed than his comment justified, because he was referring to his best friend… even if said best friend wasn’t aware of this fact. “And I knew that I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t stop myself, and it only got worse with every day that passed…”
Jongin kept silent for a few moments, letting all of the provided information sink in before he supplied another question, making his best attempt at coming across as nonchalant rather than possessive or inordinately curious. “So, does that mean that you liked him?”
Sehun bent over, resting his forehead against his knees and concealing both his flushed cheeks and eyes that conveyed the love he had successfully kept secret for so many years. “I guess you could say that. I think I liked him long before then, believe it or not… I just didn’t realize it, yet.”
“Do you still like him?” Jongin allowed a slight portion of his protective nature to slip into his voice, but judging by Sehun’s stationary position, it had gone unnoticed.
An internal battle ensued within Sehun’s mind, whether to say yes, or no. Truthfully, he could provide either answer, and it wouldn’t technically be a lie. Because, yes, he still had feelings for Jongin, that much was obvious… But he didn’t exactly like Jongin; he was inexorably in love with the damned bastard.
“No,” Sehun belatedly responded, raising his head and casually beginning to swing. “My feelings have changed.”
Changed, as in, amplified in intensity and controlling basically every aspect of my life, that is.
“I just wish there was someone else who understood the way I felt… ya know? But even if there was, they’d likely be too afraid to be open about it…”
As Jongin swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbed distractingly, captivating Sehun’s attention and causing him to falter in his movements before hastily skidding to a stop.
“You never know who could be gay,” Jongin whispered, pointedly evading Sehun’s speculative gaze. “Anyone in our grade could be gay… maybe things will change, soon.”
“Maybe.” Sehun echoed, but he sounded anything but convinced.
Jongin gave a small sigh before rising to his feet, striding over to where his best friend sat and willingly offering his hand for once. “You know you can tell me anything at any time, right?”
Sehun’s bottom lip was yet again drawn between his teeth, chewed on in a method that relieved anxiety. “Yeah,” His hand slotted perfectly into Jongin’s, and he allowed himself to be lifted into a standing position.
“You always take care of me, Sehun-ah, but… I also want to take care of you-”
Sehun released Jongin’s hand without a word; just studying the latter’s face for a few moments- much to Jongin’s dismay- before throwing his arms around the boy, face burrowing into his chest.
“W-what? Sehun?”
“Thanks…” He exhaled softly, feeling a fragment of the burden he’s been carrying evaporate into the chilly autumn air.
Even though it was nice to know that Jongin did actually care for him a great deal, it did little to alleviate his worries and fears. For, Jongin was the one getting into all sorts of serious trouble, and Sehun wasn’t sure if he was capable of assisting him out of it. He wasn’t sure if he could be strong enough for the one person that truly depended on him for help, and because of that, he had absolutely no intentions of turning to his best friend even if he had a genuine reason compelling him to.
All of their time spent together would be invested in attempts to mend whatever was provoking Jongin to fight... there was no room for his petty issues. Besides, if he were to be honest, what always occupied his mind… his biggest problem at the present, and at any given moment throughout his entire life?
Him. It was always him.
~
Sehun saw Jongin outside of school again only a day or so later, though this time, the latter was sporting new wounds; which Sehun was not entirely aware of until nearly an hour had passed, due to the grimy layer of mud coating his skin. All that could pass through Sehun’s lips was a hefty sigh, and- as was to be expected- he beckoned Jongin to enter, giving a surreptitious roll of his eyes as he did so.
“Been out in the sun too long? You’ve got yourself a nice tan going on there.”
“Shut up…” Jongin grumbled, a response that Sehun could only scoff at.
“Hey, you could have at least showered before you came here, then you wouldn’t be subject to my hilarious jokes.” The twinkle in his eyes vanished as soon as he saw Jongin’s head droop down.
“They’re fighting again,” He murmured solemnly, and Sehun instinctively outstretched his arms to pull Jongin into a hug before he belatedly realized how unintelligent an idea that was.
“C’mon,” Sehun sighed in a way that could be considered affectionate, and he deigned to encircle Jongin’s filthy wrist with his fingers as he led the boy up the stairs and into the restroom. He gave a slight tug to Jongin’s soiled shirt after securing the lock on the door, indicating that he wanted the other male to remove it.
For some reason, he seemed rather reluctant to comply, and so Sehun took charge, briskly hoisting the fabric up Jongin’s torso and over his head before allowing it to drop to the floor. Jongin’s hands lowered to press against his stomach just as speedily as Sehun’s had moved, effectively concealing a telltale mark.
“Pants.” Sehun ordered, offering Jongin the option to regain control over himself, but the boy remained oddly silent, baffling Sehun completely.
“Okay then.” A simple shrug of his shoulders. He watched Jongin’s face as he dragged the zipper down and popped the button out of its hole, not only ensuring that Jongin wasn’t disgusted by his actions (which could most certainly be considered ‘gay’) but attempting to refrain from sneaking any peeks (whiiiich… could also be considered gay. Maybe. Just maybe.).
He slowly inched the jeans down Jongin’s thighs, maintaining the focus of his gaze on his best friend’s face all the while, taking into account the light pink beginning to dust his high cheekbones. It wasn’t until he heard the jeans collapse into a pile at Jongin’s feet that he risked a glance southwards, and what he saw thoroughly blew his unprepared, adolescent mind.
Oh, how he wished he could blow what was right before his very eyes right in this very moment-
Oh, shit, snap out of it, Sehun, you’re just… staring. At his… cock. Which is… right there. And rather fucking nice oh fuck oh fuck ohfuckjuststop. Stop. Stop staring, you idiot, you’re going to scare the poor guy off, I mean, you’re gay, and you’re staring at his fucking dick, which is basically as gay as you can get without crossing any personal space boundaries- But it’s right. There. How could you not?
Circumcised. Sehun absentmindedly noted, but his following thoughts were only a mixture of curses and other additional observations, which were then succeeded by even more curses.
He found his attention honing in on one particular vein that seemed to stand out from the rest- It was directly in front of him, only centimeters from his hand… He could just reach out… and…
“S-S-Sehun?” Jongin stuttered endearingly, his face the deepest shade of red that Sehun had ever been witness to.
“Oh, fuck, sorry, I was just not expecting that, I didn’t mean to be creepy, oh fuck, I-”
“It’s…” A shuddery inhalation. Sehun now took note of the fact that those hands were shielding something entirely different. Damn it.
“It’s okay. I… should have said something?”
Sehun nodded slowly, acting as if he wholeheartedly agreed when really, he had no idea what else to say in such a situation.
“Um.” He squeaked, failing at ignoring the copious amounts of blood surging through his body before aiding in the enlargement of… a particular body part. The exact same body part that he had just caught sight of, though this one belonged to him.
“You know how my shower works so I’m just gonna go… chill in my room. Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do. Make sure to shampoo and condition and wash and just… yeah, spend a reallllly long time in there, making sure to get all of the dirt out, and… stuff.” Sehun’s rambling would have continued, if it weren’t for the apparent need to get some privacy in order to… take care of a few things.
Or, to be more exact… one thing. Which, he should be kind of ashamed of, actually. He should be ashamed of the fact that he has his hand slipped into his pants right about now. Slipped into his boxers, to be quite honest, because… he’s being more exact right now. Remember? And, if Sehun were to be even more exact, he would say that… he’s thinking of a certain someone. And if he were to be a hundred percent precise in his exactness, he would admit that his mind was more drawn towards one specific appendage.
But how could he waste a precious second on shame, when it could be spent in pleasure? Spent roughly jackhammering his fist over his leaking cock, imagining that it were Jongin’s fingers pressing against his length instead of his own. Jongin’s thumb, rubbing harsh circles against the underside of the head, teasing him to the point of tears by way of repeated orgasm denial, eventually treating him to a case of oversensitivity… Where he’d then stroke that exact spot much harder, much quicker, only applying additional force and speed when Sehun began to release cries of ‘no’ and ‘stop’ and ‘please’…
And just when he was certain he wouldn’t be able to stand it anymore, his orgasm would hit him unexpectedly; giving him whiplash, giving him an arch to his back, giving him a reason to scream Jongin’s name so loudly that everyone within a 20 foot radius could hear… Jongin…
“Jongin…” A faint moan as Sehun rode through the final moments of his climax, a moment ruined as soon as he heard the water click off in the adjacent room.
“Jongin,” The name now carried with it a panicked tone, and Sehun expeditiously located a couple of tissues before cleaning himself up to the best of his ability and readjusting all of his clothing so that it appeared to rest normally against his still quivering body.
Jongin emerged from the bathroom sheer seconds later, towel knotted at his waist and fingers carding through his dampened hair.
It took every single ounce of his willpower not to feast his eyes on the shirtless glory that was Jongin, but he had already had his fair share of inappropriate thoughts (and actions) which all correlated with said boy and body, and he didn’t think he could handle any more.
“Um.” Sehun could have smacked himself; he was being so socially inept. “You can wear whatever you want.”
“I was already planning on it~”
Sehun permitted himself a single peek at the rippling muscles of Jongin’s back as he kneeled to search through the drawers for comfortable clothing, but he completely spaced on fulfilling that whole love-struck, entranced act after pinpointing a shallow gash etched into Jongin’s otherwise flawless skin.
“Jongin,” He breathed, heart contracting for what was likely the thousandth time.
“Hmm?” His best friend absentmindedly responded, already in the process of shrugging a black T-shirt over his head.
“Your… back.” Sehun skipped the specifics, knowing Jongin would instantly know what he was referring to.
“Oh.” There was an audible gulp. “That. Well, uh, I already took care of that at home, so there’s nothing to worry abou-”
“Jongin!” Sehun practically shrieked, jumping to his feet and clenching his fists at his sides. For once, he knew exactly how it felt to have pent-up anger build up inside of you, needing some sort of release mechanism, such as… fighting. He didn’t want to connect on that level with his best friend, because it was something that frightened him immensely, but he could see how violence could potentially present an appealing outlet for rage.
“Someone fucking cut you!?”
“Er. Well. Yes?”
His eyes were stinging and his heart was breaking and his mind was shutting down entirely. Sehun wasn’t sure in the slightest how to even begin tackling this situation… all he knew was that he wanted to punch some kid’s teeth out.
“How can you be so calm right now.” His voice was wavering, but it was otherwise calm; presenting a question in the form of a statement because he wasn’t expecting a legitimate answer, but he needed some way to vent and absolve all of the tumultuous emotions twisting his stomach into multiple knots. “Do you not realize how serious this is?”
Jongin kept his back to him, stepping into a pair of Sehun’s favorite, softest boxers before letting the towel drop. He didn’t follow up with a pair of jeans, or sweatpants… he just stood there, allowing Sehun’s words to roll right off of him without any expression of emotion or any indication that he was registering what was being said to him whatsoever.
“Jongin…”
Not being able to see Sehun caused him to lose all sense of where the boy was located, and so it was no surprise that he was surprised to feel the light touch of a palm against his shoulder blade. Seconds later, his surprise tripled in magnitude, for Sehun’s arms were encircling his waist and a nose was digging into his neck.
“Please stop doing this.” A whisper, trailing down his neck. “Please.” A pleading request, electric, winding down his arm and into fingertips that twitched in an allusive impulse to grab onto the boy seemingly falling to pieces behind him. “I’ll… I’ll do anything, to make you stop this…” A promise, embedded in his heart.
“Just… please. Please stop hurting yourself… Please stop hurting me--”
Sehun’s imploring words resulted in bitter salty tracks decorating the other boy’s cheeks. He unconsciously leaned back into Sehun’s embrace, shuddering slightly as his body was racked with silent sobs, and it wasn’t long before he was twisting in Sehun’s hold, returning the hug as tightly as was humanly possible.
“I’m sorry.” One apology. “I’m sorry, Hun.” Two.
“Please, help me…” And then came a plea for salvation, which Sehun was more than happy to answer.
Part 2
Part 3
It actually made a great deal of sense, if one stopped to contemplate it. For, no matter how close they were- either literally, as in distance from each other, or figuratively, as in the extent and solidity of their friendship- Jongin always, always seemed distant.
But, for an undesirable period of time, said best friend was consistently absent. Absent, as in getting himself into God knows what kind of trouble...
...and absent, as in, his thoughts were lingering in the deep recesses of his mind, honing in on an assortment of insecurities and melancholic notions.
Such was the tragic state he was presently in, regrettably, as he splayed out across Sehun's bed and gazed blankly at the barren ceiling. Several minutes with no sound other than that of the ticking of a clock passed by, without Jongin displaying any sort of inclination of engaging Sehun in a conversation, leading the younger to make a move of his own (not the one he truly wished to make, however).
"Jonginnie," He finally spoke, voice even softer than intended. "What's up?" His attempt at coming across as casual fell flat, and he realized this as soon as he was met with the sight of arched brows and a crooked mouth.
"Nothing...?" The judgmental tone did anything except quell his anxiety.
Sehun blew his bangs up and away from his forehead, spinning around aimlessly in his computer chair, images of various artists and sports figures blurring into one as he completed countless rotations. "Why are you so quiet, dude?"
He decelerated to a stop and watched with increasingly dilated eyes as Jongin sat up to meet his gaze more easily, the older male wincing a bit as he performed such actions.
"I'm just tir--"
He broke off in the middle of his final word, distracted by Sehun's sudden movements, and soon his best friend's face was only mere inches away from his own.
"Bullshit." Sehun hissed, already surmising what Jongin's genuine reasons were.
He carefully pressed his fingers against Jongin's abdomen, eyes trained on the other boy's pair as he did so; breath halting partway down his throat. Jongin's own breath hitched, russet eyes scrunching up in pain as his body instantaneously recoiled from Sehun's touch.
"Goddamn it, Jongin--" Sehun inhaled extremely slowly, lightly shoving his best friend onto his back once more.
"Show me." He demanded, and Jongin turned his head to the side, hiding his expression as he shamelessly dragged the fabric of his tee up his torso.
Normally, Sehun's attention would have automatically been drawn to the toned planes of his best friend's stomach, but the presence of dark blotches marring the skin detracted from its usual beauty.
"Jongin," He whispered, slender digits stretching out to come into contact with the older male's abdomen for a second time.
Absentmindedly, his fingertips traced along the ridges of Jongin's stomach, and although his touch was gentle, his voice was entirely the opposite once he belatedly chose to speak.
"You need to stop doing this."
Now that he was closer, his eyesight was more meticulous, able to distinguish other flaws in Jongin's generally immaculate exterior. Sehun chose not to dwell on the fact that this was becoming more often of an occurrence, threatening to escalate and eventually transition into the norm.
He fought off the urge to caress the cracked skin of Jongin's lower lip, and it took just as much willpower to withdraw his hand from his best friend's stomach upon the delayed realization that his actions were rather... strange, given their platonic relationship.
“Don’t move.” His words were subdued, but they still managed to carry with them a promise of punishment if Jongin were to disregard them.
Footsteps as light as his pitch resonated through the floor as Sehun slipped into the bathroom, rummaging through the medicine cabinet in pursuit of supplies that could be utilized for the benefit of his brainless best friend.
He returned to said best friend’s side in a matter of seconds, fingertips working at the cap of disinfectant before applying the substance to every cut and split and bruise (Sehun couldn’t care less about whether or not his ministrations were legitimately helpful or not; he just possessed the desire to feel useful) he could catch sight of and get his hands (a.k.a. Q-tips and cotton swabs) on.
Repeated like a mantra was the following phrase in his mind: You don’t care.
You don’t care. You don’t care if he’s hurt. You don’t care if he’s in pain. You don’t care if his whimpers are a 1:1 ratio of pitiful-left-outside-in-the-pouring-rain-puppy and oh-my-lips-are-forming-your-name-in-a-way-that-sounds-oddly-sensual. You don’t care if the grip of his fingers around your wrist also seems to constrict the movement of your heart; precluding it from functioning as per the standard previously designated.
…You don’t care if he seems not to care… about you… in the way… that you care about…
Him… It had always been him.
Even when at an age so young that not one soul agreed that it was either appropriate or a possibility for him to love- let alone love another boy- Sehun had known that a disproportionate part of his heart had belonged to him.
It truly hadn’t been a problem until recently- until high school… Until hormones, until horniness, until realizations and revelations; denial and desire.
Love, love, love… it was the word of choice when it came to Jongin. The accursed word would materialize in his mind as an accompaniment to the fleeting (more like, lingering) thought of that piece of shit Kim Jongin.
Why did he have to care so much about somebody who seemed to care so little, about both himself and his best friend? Wasn’t Jongin aware of the extent to which it pained him each time his gaze locked onto yet another wound; each time his eyes trailed after a stumbling, hunched form struggling just to make it up the steps to his residence? Didn’t he realize that for every wound he received, Sehun was afflicted with one that sliced twelve inches deeper?
Sehun already held the knowledge that Jongin wasn’t too proficient at observations, however… He’d been in love with the fucktard for how many years? And yet, Jongin never suspected a thing? Love was blind, yes, but Sehun had never expected this to drag on for quite this amount of time; he hadn’t expected things to be this prolonged. He had figured that Jongin would just snap out of it one day and be like, ‘Oh. Shit. You love me.’
And, of course, Sehun had anticipated for the subsequent words to be something or other about rejection and regret, blah blah blah. Either way, why exactly hadn’t it happened yet? Love was blind, but that made Sehun the blind one.
How could Jongin possibly miss seeing the love practically scrawled across his earnest, yearning face? Even now, when all he could manage to feel was bitter, and useless, there was always that underlying, persevering love that somehow succeeded in emerging from where it was concealed beneath the failure of a nonchalant façade.
“Is this because of what I think it is?” Sehun carefully ventured as he gathered up all of his supplies so he could return them to their proper place.
Jongin’s gaze flickered from his best friend’s face to the ceiling and then back again, his own face clouded with an indiscernible expression.
“Jongin?”
“Do I need a reason?” He snapped, and their roles were suddenly reversed as Sehun flinched and instinctively shrank away.
Nevertheless, Sehun stood his ground, even if his voice was hushed and held little to no acrimony. “Yeah. You’d goddamn better have a reason for hurting yourself like this…”
At this, Jongin forces himself to sit up, gritting his teeth and digging his nails into the comforter, but otherwise displaying no indication of pain.
“I’m not the one hurting myself, Sehun. I didn’t beat myself up.”
Sehun could perform no action besides the shaking of his head. “Yeah, well, you let it happen.”
He lifted the supplies up into his arms and promptly slid off the bed, headed back towards the bathroom to return each item to its proper place. When he reappeared in his bedroom, Jongin was already preoccupied with slipping on his previously tied shoes (he never bothered to unlace them), face scrunched up in agony at being bent over (not in the sense that Sehun wished for) in order to reach the sneakers.
“What are you doing?” Sehun asked, speaking even softer than what could be considered a whisper.
“Goin’ home.” His best friend simply responded, painstakingly rising to his feet and readjusting his shirt so that it settled properly against his lithe frame, gaze centered on a spot upwards of four feet from Sehun.
“I thought you were staying over,” Sehun spoke imprudently, blinking in distinct disorientation.
“Yeah, well, I thought you’d be more understanding.”
Sehun found himself biting down on his bottom lip with such force that it almost drew blood. He felt his eyes sting for some particular reason that he couldn’t quite distinguish, and he hastily turned away so as to shield himself from any further torment. It felt as if a cool gust of air brushed against him when really it was only Jongin making his way out of the room, but either way, Sehun’s body only felt frozen, both in temperature and in position.
He swallowed what felt like a lump the size of a tennis ball in his throat, but found himself unable to breathe for a second time when he felt slender arms swiftly wind around his waist from behind.
“I’m sorry,” Came a timorous, restrained voice that he hadn’t expected to hear for at least a minimum of twenty-four hours. “I’m a dick to you, when you’re the only one who isn’t a dick to me-”
I may not be a dick, but I have a dick, and you’re perfectly welcome to it-
“I’ll stay the night… I mean. If you’ll still have me…”
Those words were uttered in a manner that seemed sexual rather than platonic, and Sehun found himself screwing- not Jongin, mind you- his eyes shut as he struggled to block out all of the perverse thoughts constantly circulating through his head.
“You’re always welcome here, you know that, Jonginnie…” He felt sort of silly putting that nickname into use, especially after the tension (not sexual, much to Sehun’s disappointment) that they’d experienced just a minute prior.
“Thanks, Hun.” Jongin proceeded to lower his arms, releasing Sehun from an embrace that he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his pathetic life in.
“I’m stealing your clothes.”
“Don’t you always?” Sehun muttered under his breath, but it was in a tone that verified how endearing he found Jongin to be.
He couldn’t force himself to divert his gaze… instead, he was captivated by the sight of Jongin’s toned thighs and the sharp curve of his spine, and he almost allowed his eyes to wander further before he finally snapped out of it and began to count the quantity of stripes on his socks.
Don’t get affected don’t be creepy don’t get affected don’t look don’t look don’tlookdon’tlookdon’tlook-
“These sweatpants are nice.” Jongin absently commented, and Sehun was only capable of providing him with a snort as a response.
“What? They are!”
“Yeah, yeah, we both know they’re my favorite, and you only wear them in an attempt to piss me off.”
Jongin spontaneously flashed the most expansive of smiles; a smile that bordered on transforming into a smirk. “Is it working?”
This evoked an amused peal of laughter from Sehun. “No. You know I don’t care; they look better on you anyways.”
Sehun took a moment to fully appreciate the enticing view of his best friend clad in slightly snug grey material. “You can even have them, if you want.” He found his lips moving of their own accord, probably as a result of the multitude of thoughts moving through his mind, each agreeing that it would be quite satisfying to see Jongin in his sweats on a more frequent basis.
(It would be infinitely more satisfying to be granted with the sight of Jongin without sweatpants, actually- sans everything, but the chances of that were… well, let’s just say they were lower than the possibility of Michael Jackson rising from the grave and belting out the lyrics to “Billie Jean.”) (But then again, who knows if Michael Jackson had ever truly died… Jongin refused to believe it, anyways.)
“What? No, then they’d lose the appeal! You’re so silly, Sehun~”
“Huh?”
Jongin playfully rolled his eyes, a complete 180 from his behavior mere minutes before. “I only want to wear them cuz they’re yours, Sehunnie. Duh.”
There was no alteration to Sehun’s response. “Huh?”
“God, you dumbshit, it’s like a friend thing? Sharing clothes? Ever heard of it?”
Oh, right. Friends. That’s all you guys are, keep that in mind, you really are a dumbshit sometimes-
“Oh, right.”
“Okay, so what’re we gonna do tonight?”
I don’t know about you, but I had plans for excessive amounts of obvious, plaintive staring and playing a game called ‘how much supposedly casual touching can I get away with without it seeming odd or inherently gay.’ Even if that is what I am. Not odd, just… exceedingly, inherently gay.
“Uh, you know…” An awkward cough. “Whatever.”
“That’s super fucking helpful, Oh Sehun.” Even people who were awful at detecting sarcasm could have recognized its presence in Jongin’s intonation.
“Glad to have been of service.”
Before Jongin could part those full lips of his to pose an additional complaint, Sehun spoke for a second time. “You know what, maybe we should just go to sleep? It’s kinda late, and you need your rest, anyways.”
The other boy sounded anything but entertained, but he clambered onto the bed in a manner that proved otherwise. “So much for a fun sleepover.”
“It’s not even that late,” Jongin murmured somewhat inarticulately, face already squashed against Sehun’s pillow.
“I know,” Sehun barely succeeded at withholding a chuckle. “But you seem as if you could fall asleep at any second.”
“Mm.” Jongin hummed in confirmation, snuggling further into the pillow that carried the scent of his best friend before wrapping his arms around it as an added measure.
“Hey, don’t fall asleep before I get in, you bed hog!” Sehun teasingly chastised as he hastily rid himself of his own jeans and replaced them with black sweats, thankful that the other boy was incapable of watching as he did so.
“Sehuuuuuun,” Jongin whined lowly after Sehun basically leaped onto his sprawled-out form. (Truthfully, he had just jumped onto the space beside Jongin, before proceeding to throw each and every one of his limbs over his best friend’s body so that they ended up in a chaotic mess, and so Jongin didn’t incur any further injuries.) “Get off of meee-”
“Should have moved~” Sehun sang, carefully wiggling around and laughing lightheartedly as his best friend only continued to produce sounds of annoyance.
Jongin somehow managed to maneuver his way out of the pile of limbs flopped over his back, rolling to his side before hooking his fingers around one of Sehun’s remarkably thin wrists and feebly pulling on it in a pleading gesture.
“Come cuddle with me,” He slurred, lifting and dropping Sehun’s arm multiple times in an attempt to be acknowledged properly.
Sehun could only supply a good-natured snort, already well on his way over to establish bodily contact between them both.
He gently guided Jongin’s head to rest against his chest before winding lanky arms around the boy’s narrow waist. His chin angled upwards, pressing against Jongin’s scalp and snugly securing his best friend’s position.
“’Night, Jonginnie~”
“’Night, Hun…” Jongin murmured drowsily, burying his face further into Sehun’s grey tee and absentmindedly inhaling a whiff of the younger male’s cologne.
“You smell good…”
Sehun snickered despite his efforts to keep quiet, but fortunately, Jongin remained in his half-asleep/half-awake state, gradually slipping more so into the slumber side of things before relinquishing his hold on consciousness entirely.
Sehun stayed awake for several minutes afterwards, just cherishing the feel of Jongin in his embrace (the other boy was rather strange about cuddling… sometimes he seemed all for it, while other times, he was adamantly against it) and observing how endearing little snuffles periodically emanated from the peacefully dozing male.
The soft sounds seemed to have a calming effect on him, and it wasn’t long until his awareness diminished, leaving him to slip into dreamland to join somebody who he doubted he could ever truly be with in reality.
~
It only took a few days or so before Sehun noticed that Jongin had developed a pattern of sorts, disappearing soon after darkness had encroached upon previously lit precincts and discreetly setting off eastward. Conveniently, this meant that the slightly older male had to pass right by the prying eyes of his very best friend. (These eyes were hidden away behind shutters and closed doors, however, so Jongin likely believed that he was getting away with his consistent nightly escapades).
Sehun was beyond concerned and his interest was beyond piqued, and so one especially gloomy night, after deciding he had felt despondent and disregarded for far too long, he decided to shadow his best friend's movements.
Where was Jongin going, and why must he be headed there at such an ungodly hour? Sehun prayed that it wasn't what he feared, but the likelihood of that was next to nothing.
As much as he hated to admit it, Jongin was no longer unpredictable, but he was growing overwhelmingly concerning day by day.
He slinked along behind the other boy, peeking around corners before daring to continue. Footsteps were kept lambent and breathing kept even, but the one thing that Sehun had absolutely no reign over was his heart, which had determined that this outing was equivalent to following the path up to an executioner's block; battering against his chest in what seemed to be an attempt to escape.
Although Sehun assumed that he was following his best friend as painstakingly and surreptitiously as somebody employed by MI6, he rounded one final corner only to find himself thrown against the nearest surface (despite him having checked his surroundings as per usual).
Slender fingers were wound around the front of his windbreaker, pressing him up against the side of a building, and Sehun couldn't help but wince in response to the impact of his body coming into contact with such harsh, unforgiving material.
"Why are you following me?" Jongin growled in a tone entirely unfamiliar to him, and although Sehun knew he should be afraid of getting his face bashed in due to lack of recognition, he couldn't help but dwell on the thought that those words somehow sounded seductive to his adolescent ears.
"Um." He intelligently responded, his mind clearly not catching up to the situation at hand.
"I'm gonna give you thirty seconds, and if I don't get an answer by then, I'm gonna skip out on the fight I already had planned and I'll kick your ass instead--"
"Jongin!" A sharp intake of breath was followed by him gripping onto Jongin's forearms, holding him in place despite his best friend displaying no inclination to depart.
"You can't!"
Those same slim digits lifted from their previous position to tug down the fabric shielding half of Sehun's face; traveling up even further once that was finished in order to push back the hood that had been secure around chestnut locks.
"Sehun?" Jongin questioned wonderingly, despite how senseless it was to ask such an undeniable thing.
"Who else would it be, dumbass? Do you think just anyone would bother to trail after such an idiot? I mean, seriously... getting into fights all the time? At night!? That's just... That's just fucking--"
"Fights," Jongin replied, voice void of any sort of inflection.
"Don't act all innocent, Kim Jongin. It's blatantly obvious how often you participate in such things, I mean... bruises. Like, every freaking day. Well, you know what, you aren't just hurting yourself, Jongin, it hurts m--"
"Oh, fuck." Jongin whispered, and although he hadn't spoken loud at all, it had been enough to break Sehun's concentration.
"Fuck is right, Jongin. Yeah. Yeah, do you finally get it? Do you think I'm okay after constantly seeing you in pain? Cuz I'm no--"
"You can't be here." Panic gradually rose within his irises; clawed its way up his throat and left a raw, tender feeling in its wake.
"Oh, now you're asking me to leave? That's bloody adorable. I'm not leaving until you agree to leave with me." He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the concrete wall, choosing to ignore how it had only caused him pain as of yet.
"No, really, Sehun... you cannot be here right now, because I'm meeting up with... someone... in only a matter of minutes. I... I don't want you to get caught up in that. This is my fight, Sehun..."
"Your fight? Yours? I thought we were in this together. We're supposed to have each other's backs, and I'm here to protect yours, because up until now? You've done a reeeeeeaaal shitty job of it."
He let his hands on Jongin's arms rearrange themselves until they were on his best friend's shoulders, and then he was shoving the other male in front of him, forcing him back the way they had both came.
"But-- Sehun-- I don't--"
"I don't care what you want," Sehun remarked, already anticipating Jongin's next words. "You're coming home with me, whether you like it or not."
"That's... That... That sounds..."
"Oh, shut up, already." Sehun snorted, hands slipping off of Jongin's shoulders before the fingers of one of them stealthily interlaced with those of his best friend's.
The connection between them caused contentment to seep through his palm and into his very body, the simultaneously comforting and thrilling feeling setting every nerve-ending alight with boundless energy each time that Jongin provided him with a gentle squeeze of a hand against his own.
He allowed himself to be lulled into a false sense of security, although he should have known that the cessation of Jongin's fighting would be over before he could even think to begin celebrating it.
~
Sehun had genuinely begun to delude himself into believing Jongin had forfeited exchanging hostilities with strangers when said best friend arrived at first period English with a severe contusion framing the left side of his jaw; shattering all previously existing misconceptions. The brim of a teal baseball cap was drawn low over his forehead, but even when he was hunched over with his head bent, the discoloration of his skin was sufficiently axiomatic, seizing Sehun’s attention every few moments despite how profoundly he struggled to divert his gaze.
As soon as the bell clanged- indicating the switching of classes- Sehun snatched Jongin’s wrist up into his fingers and dragged him over to the nearest empty supply closet, shoving him inside.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?” He was emphatic in both his gestures and the modulation of his voice, gripping onto his best friend’s collar with two tremulous hands.
“Getting forced into a closet courtesy of my best friend? That must look rather strange to other students, by the way…”
Sehun failed at battling back the blush steadily suffusing his cheeks, and instead elected to narrow his eyes at his flippant neighbor.
“That’s not something to be concerned about, Jongin, when the actual reason to be concerned is plastered right across your very fucking face-”
“I got roughed up a bit. So what? What’s it to you?”
“What’s it to-are you fu-I mean.” Sehun was required to inhale abnormally slowly, reining in his use of profanity and attempting to maintain some semblance of civility in his speech.
“What I mean, is… that I… I care, okay? I care a lot. And I just… I don’t like seeing you like this, Jongin…” He turned away to hide his shame and disconsolation, habitually gnawing at the pale pink skin of his bottom lip.
After a regrettably prolonged moment of uncomfortable silence, Sehun tacked on an additional sentence. “We should get to class...”
He shoved the door open far more carelessly than he had shoved Jongin, feet flying over the tiled floor as he did his best to create a great deal of distance between the two of them. Sehun should have known that anger wouldn’t help the situation, but it had bubbled up so viciously and purposefully within his stomach that he hadn’t been able to force it back down.
Jongin made an appearance at his home that night, toting along all of his emotional baggage and previous experiences; things that weighted Sehun down to an extent beyond belief- things that went unspoken. The first word that left his lips was merely a simple ‘hi,’ but Sehun could already feel his resolve disintegrating even before that straightforward greeting was followed by a just as direct apology.
“I’m sorry,” Jongin mumbled, distractedly knocking the tip of his sneaker against the welcome mat while avidly staring at said shoe in motion.
“What for?” Sehun feigned ignorance, somehow overcoming the urge to curl his lips into a mollified smile.
The relief that he was immersed in was instantaneous- he had feared that maybe there would be a sort of suspension of their friendship, and the dreadful thought had loomed over him the entire day, ever since Jongin had decided not to accompany him after the awkward closet incident. Nevertheless, he wanted to see if he could fluster his best friend a little bit more than he already was, and much to his satisfaction, he succeeded.
“I. Well… um. I was… rude? To you? Yeah. So…” Jongin stumbled over each and every one of his words, steadfastly refusing to meet Sehun’s eyes.
“How were you rude?” The slightest of snickers escaped him, and his game was ruined once Jongin’s head snapped up, suspicion evident in his expression.
“Hey!” A sharp hit was delivered to his arm, but Sehun was laughing too hard to form a protest, hastily retreating back into the safety of his home.
Jongin followed in his footsteps, glowering at his back as he kicked off his shoes. “Be happy I even said sorry, asshat.”
“Does asshat mean I get to sit on someone’s face?” Sehun spun around and phrased his question while sporting the most innocent of expressions on his face. “You know, like… a hat. For their face?”
Jongin appeared positively traumatized (or maybe he was just mortified, who knows) for a moment before casually shooting him down. “Hats go on people’s heads, dumbass.”
“Heads, as in… cock heads?”
Jongin’s cheeks were nearing the shade of a honeycrisp apple by this point. “Can we not talk about this? It’s really…” Slight pause. “-gay-”
“Annnnd…?” Sehun prompted, not allowing himself to appear offended just yet.
The red that had claimed Jongin’s cheeks quickly faded until his face was completely pale, and his voice dropped just as rapidly in volume. “I… didn’t realize that you were…”
“I didn’t realize that you didn’t realize that I was gay,” Sehun spoke with absolutely no hint of shame, folding his arms over his chest in a subtle defensive gesture.
Jongin’s teeth toyed with his bottom lip, rolling it around as his gaze scanned the entire room… excepting Sehun, of course. “That… certainly changes things.” He announced, leading Sehun to visibly deflate a little.
“Does it?” His words were uttered softly, sadly, and guilt immediately lacerated Jongin’s vocal chords; causing him to emit a cough as he swiftly strode forward, preparing to gather and reassemble the pieces of Sehun’s self-worth that he had just shattered.
“Not in a bad way,” Jongin reassured gently, drawing Sehun into his arms and holding his best friend as tightly as possible to him in hopes of proving that they could continue on similarly- vast quantity of skinship that they performed together included- with absolutely no issues whatsoever.
Sehun promptly hid his face in Jongin’s chest, shakily inhaling his neighbor’s scent as he struggled to calm the nerves, the thoughts, everything that was suddenly in overdrive.
“How could it possibly be in a good way?” The inquiry was delivered in the smallest of whispers, and Jongin proceeded to rub soothing circles between his best friend’s shoulder blades.
“It just… I just… I see you differently, that’s al- oh. Fuck.” His statement had induced Sehun to give a muted sniffle; clearly fending off an incoming crying session that Jongin was clearly the cause of.
“I d-didn’t mean that in a bad way either, God, I suck at this- Sehun, I’m sorry, I have absolutely no problem with you being gay, okay, please don’t hate me please just forget my side of this conversation because I’m such a bad friend-”
Sehun mumbled something incoherent into his shoulder as he squeezed lightly around his middle, something Jongin took to be a sign of forgiveness.
“So… we’re okay?” The most imperceptible of nods.
Jongin let out a noisy exhalation, clutching onto Sehun with renewed vigor. “I’ll always be your best friend… alright?”
But what if I want you to be more…
Jongin’s injuries were momentarily pushed aside to make way for this (not so) recent development. Now, if only Sehun were brave enough to admit how exactly he’d discovered his sexuality…
Alas, that was a confession meant for another day…
~
After that unforeseen revelation, Jongin began to notice certain aspects of Sehun that he hadn’t thought to reflect on before. Granted, what he was now noticing, he had assuredly noticed at some point or another already; only now, each thought and image filling his mind seemed to linger and resurface as soon as he’d assumed it had disappeared.
For example, Sehun tended to poke his tongue out periodically throughout any given day, tracing along the contours of his lips in an unintentionally (or maybe it was intentional, Jongin had no clue) sensual, leisured manner.
And no matter what activity Jongin happened to be preoccupied with, his gaze always got caught on that damned roseate tongue, and occasionally, his mind went blank, rendering him incapable of continuing with his previous actions.
If he was so easily distracted by something as simple as that, it was no surprise that the jeans Sehun routinely wore- the ones that were likely a size or two too small, fitting snugly to his lean form- seized his attention time and time again.
Jongin cursed this alteration of events- he was unaccustomed to viewing his best friend in such a way, unaccustomed to the attraction suddenly thrumming through his body. He didn’t permit himself to consider the possibility that maybe- just maybe- there had always existed some form or another of such an attraction.
Either way, curiosity had been accumulating within him for several days now, and thus, the next time he encountered his best friend, it was due to question-related matters rather than parental ones. He had shot him a text directly after school had concluded, telling Sehun to meet him by the front door. (An unnecessary measure, given that they met at that exact spot every single day, regardless).
He arrived there first- another constant in their lives, seeing as his class was closer- and killed some time by scrolling through various social media pages on his phone.
“Hey there, bucko. Whatchya looking at?” Sehun craned his neck to glance over Jongin’s shoulder, his sudden presence causing the other male to jump slightly and intuitively lock his phone despite the fact that he had no reason to hide what had been on the screen.
“Ohh, I see, was it something dirty?”
“Shut up, Sehun!” Jongin hissed, gently elbowing his friend in the stomach before gesturing for the boy to follow him.
“Wheeeere we gooooing~?” Sehun asked in a singsong, cheerful tone of voice as he skipped forwards to match pace with Jongin, hands knocking together as they walked.
“The park,” Jongin responded without any sort of hesitation, all too cognizant of how the back of Sehun’s hand would brush against his every so often.
The sudden urge to thread their fingers together arose, and he was reminded of the time when Sehun had kept him from a fight, tightly holding onto his hand and seeming as if he would never want to let it go. In that moment, Jongin had felt protected; he no longer had the impulse to involve himself in violent matters… his mind was flooded with thoughts associated only with Sehun, Sehun, Se-
“Hun.”
“Hmm?”
Jongin let his fingertips graze against Sehun’s for a period of time more extensive than usual, and he could barely suppress the sigh of content threatening to leave his lips once Sehun got the hint and linked their hands together without a second thought. Their fingers remained intertwined for the entire trek there, and as soon as they arrived, Jongin took a seat on a swing, unconsciously jutting his bottom lip out a little bit after having had to relinquish Sehun’s hand.
The other boy joined him within seconds, resting on the neighboring swing and lightly rocking his feet back and forth against the ground in order to ease the swing into steady, shallow motion. Jongin began to mirror his actions after a few minutes had passed, and it took several minutes more before either of them fractured the quietude.
“What made you want to come here, Jongin?” Sehun queried faintly, uncertain as to whether he should be concerned or just inquisitive.
“Oh,” Despite its low volume, Sehun’s voice had snatched Jongin from his teeming thoughts.
“I just… I wanted to talk with you. About… what you told me. A few days ago.” Jongin kept his gaze trained on the toecaps of his sneakers, feeling rather shy about the subject in its entirety, especially given the fact that he had qualms about his own sexual orientation.
Understanding immediately unfurled across Sehun’s face, and the slight color to his cheeks was tacit indication that he knew exactly where the conversation was directed. He didn’t offer up any input, and thus, Jongin was left to fumble around for additional words.
“Um… well, uh. I was just wondering… how exactly you realized that you were gay? Or, like… when you realized that you were gay… oh! Actually, just tell me both? Or just tell me the whole story? You’re kinda obligated to tell me-”
“Oh, am I, now?” Sehun retorted sarcastically, a sort of apprehensiveness settling heavily within his gut.
“Well… yeah.” Jongin continued onwards, finding no fault in his expectations. “I mean, we are best friends...”
I don’t need to be reminded of where I stand in this relationship, thank you very much.
“Soooo?” He coaxed, the softness in his eyes and the earnestness in his expression winning Sehun over in two seconds flat.
“Okay, okay…” Sehun inhaled incredibly slowly, gazing off into the distance as he summoned a mixture of thoughts and memories from several years ago, when the both of them were just starting high school together.
“I was in my first year of high school… There was this guy I liked, who was in the same gym class as me. Everything was fine for the first week or so, but... there was just one day, where I turned to speak to him in the locker room, and just…” That pale pink tongue skimmed over the crease of his lips, just before those very lips were thoroughly abused by the dragging of teeth over the lightly colored skin. “He was… shirtless. And just, I couldn’t concentrate on anything besides that, and-”
Sehun expelled all of the air from his lungs in a delayed manner, risking a glance at the boy sitting beside him. “Do I have to keep talking about this…?”
Hesitation was evident in Jongin’s expression, but in the end, he nodded slowly, indicating that Sehun should continue. “So was that when you knew?”
Sehun gave a shake of his head. “No, not exactly. I struggled with it for a while; I wouldn’t let myself believe that I was attracted to guys, let alone that guy in particular, but… I saw him every fucking day, and I just couldn’t get him out of my head; I couldn’t get all these… thoughts out of my head, I just… I wanted-”
“You wanted what?” Jongin prompted gently, keeping his voice low and quiet.
“I wanted him, Jongin,” Dual marks of crimson stained his cheeks and he cast his gaze downwards, far more embarrassed than his comment justified, because he was referring to his best friend… even if said best friend wasn’t aware of this fact. “And I knew that I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t stop myself, and it only got worse with every day that passed…”
Jongin kept silent for a few moments, letting all of the provided information sink in before he supplied another question, making his best attempt at coming across as nonchalant rather than possessive or inordinately curious. “So, does that mean that you liked him?”
Sehun bent over, resting his forehead against his knees and concealing both his flushed cheeks and eyes that conveyed the love he had successfully kept secret for so many years. “I guess you could say that. I think I liked him long before then, believe it or not… I just didn’t realize it, yet.”
“Do you still like him?” Jongin allowed a slight portion of his protective nature to slip into his voice, but judging by Sehun’s stationary position, it had gone unnoticed.
An internal battle ensued within Sehun’s mind, whether to say yes, or no. Truthfully, he could provide either answer, and it wouldn’t technically be a lie. Because, yes, he still had feelings for Jongin, that much was obvious… But he didn’t exactly like Jongin; he was inexorably in love with the damned bastard.
“No,” Sehun belatedly responded, raising his head and casually beginning to swing. “My feelings have changed.”
Changed, as in, amplified in intensity and controlling basically every aspect of my life, that is.
“I just wish there was someone else who understood the way I felt… ya know? But even if there was, they’d likely be too afraid to be open about it…”
As Jongin swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbed distractingly, captivating Sehun’s attention and causing him to falter in his movements before hastily skidding to a stop.
“You never know who could be gay,” Jongin whispered, pointedly evading Sehun’s speculative gaze. “Anyone in our grade could be gay… maybe things will change, soon.”
“Maybe.” Sehun echoed, but he sounded anything but convinced.
Jongin gave a small sigh before rising to his feet, striding over to where his best friend sat and willingly offering his hand for once. “You know you can tell me anything at any time, right?”
Sehun’s bottom lip was yet again drawn between his teeth, chewed on in a method that relieved anxiety. “Yeah,” His hand slotted perfectly into Jongin’s, and he allowed himself to be lifted into a standing position.
“You always take care of me, Sehun-ah, but… I also want to take care of you-”
Sehun released Jongin’s hand without a word; just studying the latter’s face for a few moments- much to Jongin’s dismay- before throwing his arms around the boy, face burrowing into his chest.
“W-what? Sehun?”
“Thanks…” He exhaled softly, feeling a fragment of the burden he’s been carrying evaporate into the chilly autumn air.
Even though it was nice to know that Jongin did actually care for him a great deal, it did little to alleviate his worries and fears. For, Jongin was the one getting into all sorts of serious trouble, and Sehun wasn’t sure if he was capable of assisting him out of it. He wasn’t sure if he could be strong enough for the one person that truly depended on him for help, and because of that, he had absolutely no intentions of turning to his best friend even if he had a genuine reason compelling him to.
All of their time spent together would be invested in attempts to mend whatever was provoking Jongin to fight... there was no room for his petty issues. Besides, if he were to be honest, what always occupied his mind… his biggest problem at the present, and at any given moment throughout his entire life?
Him. It was always him.
~
Sehun saw Jongin outside of school again only a day or so later, though this time, the latter was sporting new wounds; which Sehun was not entirely aware of until nearly an hour had passed, due to the grimy layer of mud coating his skin. All that could pass through Sehun’s lips was a hefty sigh, and- as was to be expected- he beckoned Jongin to enter, giving a surreptitious roll of his eyes as he did so.
“Been out in the sun too long? You’ve got yourself a nice tan going on there.”
“Shut up…” Jongin grumbled, a response that Sehun could only scoff at.
“Hey, you could have at least showered before you came here, then you wouldn’t be subject to my hilarious jokes.” The twinkle in his eyes vanished as soon as he saw Jongin’s head droop down.
“They’re fighting again,” He murmured solemnly, and Sehun instinctively outstretched his arms to pull Jongin into a hug before he belatedly realized how unintelligent an idea that was.
“C’mon,” Sehun sighed in a way that could be considered affectionate, and he deigned to encircle Jongin’s filthy wrist with his fingers as he led the boy up the stairs and into the restroom. He gave a slight tug to Jongin’s soiled shirt after securing the lock on the door, indicating that he wanted the other male to remove it.
For some reason, he seemed rather reluctant to comply, and so Sehun took charge, briskly hoisting the fabric up Jongin’s torso and over his head before allowing it to drop to the floor. Jongin’s hands lowered to press against his stomach just as speedily as Sehun’s had moved, effectively concealing a telltale mark.
“Pants.” Sehun ordered, offering Jongin the option to regain control over himself, but the boy remained oddly silent, baffling Sehun completely.
“Okay then.” A simple shrug of his shoulders. He watched Jongin’s face as he dragged the zipper down and popped the button out of its hole, not only ensuring that Jongin wasn’t disgusted by his actions (which could most certainly be considered ‘gay’) but attempting to refrain from sneaking any peeks (whiiiich… could also be considered gay. Maybe. Just maybe.).
He slowly inched the jeans down Jongin’s thighs, maintaining the focus of his gaze on his best friend’s face all the while, taking into account the light pink beginning to dust his high cheekbones. It wasn’t until he heard the jeans collapse into a pile at Jongin’s feet that he risked a glance southwards, and what he saw thoroughly blew his unprepared, adolescent mind.
Oh, how he wished he could blow what was right before his very eyes right in this very moment-
Oh, shit, snap out of it, Sehun, you’re just… staring. At his… cock. Which is… right there. And rather fucking nice oh fuck oh fuck ohfuckjuststop. Stop. Stop staring, you idiot, you’re going to scare the poor guy off, I mean, you’re gay, and you’re staring at his fucking dick, which is basically as gay as you can get without crossing any personal space boundaries- But it’s right. There. How could you not?
Circumcised. Sehun absentmindedly noted, but his following thoughts were only a mixture of curses and other additional observations, which were then succeeded by even more curses.
He found his attention honing in on one particular vein that seemed to stand out from the rest- It was directly in front of him, only centimeters from his hand… He could just reach out… and…
“S-S-Sehun?” Jongin stuttered endearingly, his face the deepest shade of red that Sehun had ever been witness to.
“Oh, fuck, sorry, I was just not expecting that, I didn’t mean to be creepy, oh fuck, I-”
“It’s…” A shuddery inhalation. Sehun now took note of the fact that those hands were shielding something entirely different. Damn it.
“It’s okay. I… should have said something?”
Sehun nodded slowly, acting as if he wholeheartedly agreed when really, he had no idea what else to say in such a situation.
“Um.” He squeaked, failing at ignoring the copious amounts of blood surging through his body before aiding in the enlargement of… a particular body part. The exact same body part that he had just caught sight of, though this one belonged to him.
“You know how my shower works so I’m just gonna go… chill in my room. Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do. Make sure to shampoo and condition and wash and just… yeah, spend a reallllly long time in there, making sure to get all of the dirt out, and… stuff.” Sehun’s rambling would have continued, if it weren’t for the apparent need to get some privacy in order to… take care of a few things.
Or, to be more exact… one thing. Which, he should be kind of ashamed of, actually. He should be ashamed of the fact that he has his hand slipped into his pants right about now. Slipped into his boxers, to be quite honest, because… he’s being more exact right now. Remember? And, if Sehun were to be even more exact, he would say that… he’s thinking of a certain someone. And if he were to be a hundred percent precise in his exactness, he would admit that his mind was more drawn towards one specific appendage.
But how could he waste a precious second on shame, when it could be spent in pleasure? Spent roughly jackhammering his fist over his leaking cock, imagining that it were Jongin’s fingers pressing against his length instead of his own. Jongin’s thumb, rubbing harsh circles against the underside of the head, teasing him to the point of tears by way of repeated orgasm denial, eventually treating him to a case of oversensitivity… Where he’d then stroke that exact spot much harder, much quicker, only applying additional force and speed when Sehun began to release cries of ‘no’ and ‘stop’ and ‘please’…
And just when he was certain he wouldn’t be able to stand it anymore, his orgasm would hit him unexpectedly; giving him whiplash, giving him an arch to his back, giving him a reason to scream Jongin’s name so loudly that everyone within a 20 foot radius could hear… Jongin…
“Jongin…” A faint moan as Sehun rode through the final moments of his climax, a moment ruined as soon as he heard the water click off in the adjacent room.
“Jongin,” The name now carried with it a panicked tone, and Sehun expeditiously located a couple of tissues before cleaning himself up to the best of his ability and readjusting all of his clothing so that it appeared to rest normally against his still quivering body.
Jongin emerged from the bathroom sheer seconds later, towel knotted at his waist and fingers carding through his dampened hair.
It took every single ounce of his willpower not to feast his eyes on the shirtless glory that was Jongin, but he had already had his fair share of inappropriate thoughts (and actions) which all correlated with said boy and body, and he didn’t think he could handle any more.
“Um.” Sehun could have smacked himself; he was being so socially inept. “You can wear whatever you want.”
“I was already planning on it~”
Sehun permitted himself a single peek at the rippling muscles of Jongin’s back as he kneeled to search through the drawers for comfortable clothing, but he completely spaced on fulfilling that whole love-struck, entranced act after pinpointing a shallow gash etched into Jongin’s otherwise flawless skin.
“Jongin,” He breathed, heart contracting for what was likely the thousandth time.
“Hmm?” His best friend absentmindedly responded, already in the process of shrugging a black T-shirt over his head.
“Your… back.” Sehun skipped the specifics, knowing Jongin would instantly know what he was referring to.
“Oh.” There was an audible gulp. “That. Well, uh, I already took care of that at home, so there’s nothing to worry abou-”
“Jongin!” Sehun practically shrieked, jumping to his feet and clenching his fists at his sides. For once, he knew exactly how it felt to have pent-up anger build up inside of you, needing some sort of release mechanism, such as… fighting. He didn’t want to connect on that level with his best friend, because it was something that frightened him immensely, but he could see how violence could potentially present an appealing outlet for rage.
“Someone fucking cut you!?”
“Er. Well. Yes?”
His eyes were stinging and his heart was breaking and his mind was shutting down entirely. Sehun wasn’t sure in the slightest how to even begin tackling this situation… all he knew was that he wanted to punch some kid’s teeth out.
“How can you be so calm right now.” His voice was wavering, but it was otherwise calm; presenting a question in the form of a statement because he wasn’t expecting a legitimate answer, but he needed some way to vent and absolve all of the tumultuous emotions twisting his stomach into multiple knots. “Do you not realize how serious this is?”
Jongin kept his back to him, stepping into a pair of Sehun’s favorite, softest boxers before letting the towel drop. He didn’t follow up with a pair of jeans, or sweatpants… he just stood there, allowing Sehun’s words to roll right off of him without any expression of emotion or any indication that he was registering what was being said to him whatsoever.
“Jongin…”
Not being able to see Sehun caused him to lose all sense of where the boy was located, and so it was no surprise that he was surprised to feel the light touch of a palm against his shoulder blade. Seconds later, his surprise tripled in magnitude, for Sehun’s arms were encircling his waist and a nose was digging into his neck.
“Please stop doing this.” A whisper, trailing down his neck. “Please.” A pleading request, electric, winding down his arm and into fingertips that twitched in an allusive impulse to grab onto the boy seemingly falling to pieces behind him. “I’ll… I’ll do anything, to make you stop this…” A promise, embedded in his heart.
“Just… please. Please stop hurting yourself… Please stop hurting me--”
Sehun’s imploring words resulted in bitter salty tracks decorating the other boy’s cheeks. He unconsciously leaned back into Sehun’s embrace, shuddering slightly as his body was racked with silent sobs, and it wasn’t long before he was twisting in Sehun’s hold, returning the hug as tightly as was humanly possible.
“I’m sorry.” One apology. “I’m sorry, Hun.” Two.
“Please, help me…” And then came a plea for salvation, which Sehun was more than happy to answer.
Part 2
Part 3