When I was a wee lass, I liked to play Barbies with Jill. We'd do murder mysteries most of the time, with Ken playing multiple roles because, like every other girl in North America, we had about two hundred Barbies and only one Ken. We even had one of those Barbies that was all flat-footed and flat-chested, but we hated the shit out of her and ( Read more... )

Y'all? I love cooking. LOVE it. I luff it, I lurve it. I love it so much I have to make up new words for it (yeah, that's a line from a movie. What?)

So this summer I got tired of eating crap all the time, so I told myself I'd learn how to cook. Now, in Schwager family lore, I'm the, like, black sheep of the family. Everyone is a good ( Read more... )

Alternate title: Life Lessons Learned on Moving Out of the Talisman Townhouse Complex of Fascism and Stupidity

Friday

You may believe that painting a room dark blue is a good idea. But when you're moving out and on your second coat of primer and the blue is still yelling hello to you from beneath it, you realize you were wrong. Dead wrong.

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So, today I actually worked for the first time since... I dunno, late May, whatever. I was at a Pre-AP conference (and! Weird! They had an example prompt from the 1999 test about the Okefenokee swamp that I totally remember answering badly!, which made me think of and miss Ms. Guest and that class--Megan, are you with me?! Remember that huge ( Read more... )

... An entry in which I respond to a review of The Lady in the Water that I read over at pajiba.com (which is an excellent place to get your movie reviews. But if you're looking forward to The Lady in the Water... um, skip this).Okay, I love movies. Anyone who knows me, knows this. Right? I hope so. Otherwise, you don't really know me, and ( Read more... )

I did a really shitty job of painting my room. At this time last year, when I was actually painting it and my tiny little girl arms got really tired reaching up real high with a roller to cover everything, I thought I did an effing bang up goddamn job, but now the things I see are the stupid mistakes on the ceiling and the little spots on the ( Read more... )

I hate packing. I really hate packing 300+ books. Stupid books.

And yes, I'm procrastinating, so that's why I counted all of them. Shut up.

Does anyone want some free books?

I'm in Waco. It's Waco. You know, right? Simultaneously the armpit and the asshole of the planet? And don't ask me how one city can be two bad smelly things at once. Ask Waco. It knows. Hopefully. Otherwise, it will be a mystery for the ages. THE AGES! The bad, smelly ages ( Read more... )

I'm back! And I'm a little punch drunk mixed with actually drunk. Because if there is one thing you do after living in basically one room with your entire Schwager immediate family for ten days, it involves buying a bottle of wine and drinking all of it by yourself, while crying, and possibly eating your own hair. Anyway ( Read more... )

I'm off to Hawaii for ten days! Try to contain your jealousy! I know you'll miss me! I'll miss you, too! I promise I won't come back with a bunch of pressed flowers and insist on saying 'aloha' instead of hello and goodbye! Hawaii WILL NOT break me ( Read more... )