Last night I was transcribing another dialogue between past & present editions of myself, and found myself feeling really bad about not being able to protect him from what was coming
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Remarkable work! Wise father who leads his son to self-absolution. Wise man who allows himself to do the work that brought you to these insights. May your self-discipline continue to serve you well! May your vision of the strong, healthy man you desire to become draw you like a magnet to all that serves that purpose. Shalom.
The picture I have of these discussions might be more or less literal than the actual thing, but either way, it makes a lot of sense to me to work with the 'I' of a long time ago, to help him work through wounds that are otherwise buried in the present 'I.' I could probably benefit from things along these lines as well. Of course, at the moment I'm wrapped up in other forms of introspective self-healing/growth, and am also more than a little frightened of venturing too much into how I felt when I was younger. For my part I'm sure if I go deeper in the ways I'm going I'll get there eventually, when I'm more ready, and it's not so hot in my apartment. Anyhow it's a supra-awesome idea, and my guess is a completely healthy one, provided you're not hallucinating actual dialogue. Is this okay for me to butt my big face into? I figured it's livejournal so it's a madhouse free-for-all but I don't want to...yeah.
>at the moment I'm wrapped up in other forms of introspective self-healing/growth
par exemple?
>more than a little frightened of venturing too much into how I felt when I was younger
When the fear isn't as big as the drive to heal, you'll do it. From what I know of you so far, you're unlikely to put it off forever.
>it's a supra-awesome idea
Meaning that it is physically outside the realm of awesome?
>a completely healthy one, provided you're not hallucinating actual dialogue
I'm not, although sometimes the things I find my younger self saying are a bit of a surprise, which I think means that I'm open to feeling things from which I would otherwise hide. And I'm not sure such hallucinations would be so unhealthy, really.
>Is this okay for me to butt my big face into
As far as I'm concerned you can put your face anywhere you want. And no, I do not say that to all the boys. When are you coming to Burlington?
Uncle Sam Cereal BarsmantitsJuly 30 2005, 22:42:21 UTC
As for my current self-work, I can say there's the little things that add up to big things (meaning health, cleanliness, managing money, etc.), and then there's the major stuff
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Re: Uncle Sam Cereal BarsmantitsJuly 31 2005, 16:21:57 UTC
I'm trying to connect more with my body
Very interested in this. I did a lot of such exploration in my late teens & am now doing it again, having spent a couple of years sidetracked by inordinate focus on the bodies of others. During that time I was certainly able to listen to my desire, and pay attention to what foods were needded, and spend enough time sitting on the toilet & basic stuff like that, but my actual attention to my shape, to my joy in being touchwed (in my last four relationships I was doing most of the touching), to the reservoirs of emotion held in certain musclegroups, diminished significantly. It is a pleasure to be ficusing there again, though doing it alone often finds me feeling, well, lonely.
playing a lot of chess and listening to Beethoven Next time we're up, we should do both of these things, possibly simultaneously. My chessgame is rusty, and my board is (say it with me) in a storage locker in Philadelphia, but I like the intellectual exercise & it's an intersting challenge to my self-esteem, as I often
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par exemple?
>more than a little frightened of venturing too much into how I felt when I was younger
When the fear isn't as big as the drive to heal, you'll do it. From what I know of you so far, you're unlikely to put it off forever.
>it's a supra-awesome idea
Meaning that it is physically outside the realm of awesome?
>a completely healthy one, provided you're not hallucinating actual dialogue
I'm not, although sometimes the things I find my younger self saying are a bit of a surprise, which I think means that I'm open to feeling things from which I would otherwise hide.
And I'm not sure such hallucinations would be so unhealthy, really.
>Is this okay for me to butt my big face into
As far as I'm concerned you can put your face anywhere you want. And no, I do not say that to all the boys.
When are you coming to Burlington?
Reply
Reply
Very interested in this. I did a lot of such exploration in my late teens & am now doing it again, having spent a couple of years sidetracked by inordinate focus on the bodies of others. During that time I was certainly able to listen to my desire, and pay attention to what foods were needded, and spend enough time sitting on the toilet & basic stuff like that, but my actual attention to my shape, to my joy in being touchwed (in my last four relationships I was doing most of the touching), to the reservoirs of emotion held in certain musclegroups, diminished significantly. It is a pleasure to be ficusing there again, though doing it alone often finds me feeling, well, lonely.
playing a lot of chess and listening to Beethoven Next time we're up, we should do both of these things, possibly simultaneously. My chessgame is rusty, and my board is (say it with me) in a storage locker in Philadelphia, but I like the intellectual exercise & it's an intersting challenge to my self-esteem, as I often ( ... )
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