I haven't shifted into willingness to engage sexually with women yet, but I do seem to've begun to entertain the possibility of getting there someday, as evidenced by frequent visceral urges to kiss them
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It's funny; you seem to have made the conscious decision to do something that I've basically decided to do somewhat unconsciously. It's not that I don't want to meet people and be in romantic relationships, I just don't think I'm capable of it right now. It's too scary, and there's too much anger for me too. I wonder what the difference is, between your mindset and mine. Pondering.
potential sources of differences between our mindsets: -I've been facilitating batterer intervention groups for some time now, and it's impossible not to have this effect one's attitude toward one's own amours. The change for me has had to do with recognising that there's absolutlely no excuse for me to do another amour poorly, which means that until I've changed the thinking necessary to ensure I'll not make similar errors this time, engaging wouldn't feel like a loving act. -I made myself so thoroughly miserable after the last one, that attraction now restimulates trauma for me. -I'm fundamentally inclined to analyse the fuck out of everything
Re: differencementalmakeupAugust 21 2006, 15:14:05 UTC
The first one, I'll give you. I definitely don't do that. The job I DO do, I haven't been able to work for a few months, but despite warnings from the inside that it would affect my relationship outlook, talking to child support payors and recipients all day, it hasn't, really. I mean it seems to me like home, except with arguments about money.
Second, hmm, maybe? That's something I'd really like to think about a lot. I mean everything else in my life restimulates some trauma or another, maybe relationships are like no no no you did that and it sucked so hard! Danger danger!
Third, ok, sorry, but like, have you ever read anything I've ever posted? ;) (Translation: I'm with you on that one, no question).
I know the feeling...immortal_dAugust 19 2006, 14:46:04 UTC
I of late have noticed that with few exceptions I see everyone I meet as a caricature of themselves rather than who they are. It's like I'm so detached from them, I feel like I'm observing them like Jane Goodall would a pack of gorillas. ~ Darin
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-I've been facilitating batterer intervention groups for some time now, and it's impossible not to have this effect one's attitude toward one's own amours. The change for me has had to do with recognising that there's absolutlely no excuse for me to do another amour poorly, which means that until I've changed the thinking necessary to ensure I'll not make similar errors this time, engaging wouldn't feel like a loving act.
-I made myself so thoroughly miserable after the last one, that attraction now restimulates trauma for me.
-I'm fundamentally inclined to analyse the fuck out of everything
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Second, hmm, maybe? That's something I'd really like to think about a lot. I mean everything else in my life restimulates some trauma or another, maybe relationships are like no no no you did that and it sucked so hard! Danger danger!
Third, ok, sorry, but like, have you ever read anything I've ever posted? ;) (Translation: I'm with you on that one, no question).
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