Pendulum

[bristolian_kam]

My words will never be good enough. They do not deal with the situation; they do not settle the fractured complexities that harbour themselves; they don’t suffer the test of time; and they struggle to sit right for me. This is a pre-occupation that has refused to go away. I feel a great weight of expectation on my writing. I follow friends’

Comments

[mizzy2k]

Ha, you have to feel better seeing your journal than mine. Mine is pure emotional confusion, and just comes out like someone let their puppy online...

Geneva makes you sound interesting. When I tell people I've spent the last two years temping for the government, the only way I can make my life seem even vaguely interesting is telling some basic prison anecdotes (the one about the sanitary towels is probably the best. I should probably blog them, apart from I spent so much time repeating them in an effort to sound interesting IRL, all that's left is emo exclamations involving balloons and raptors and TV shows). "Geneva", at least, sounds freakishly interesting, and I promise it will be good for your self esteem later.

[bristolian_kam]

*smiles* Puppies are extremely cute, and get lots of attention. I mean it as a compliment to say that your journal may be seen in a similar light.

It's just all very different. When this started, pre-Facebook days, I was amongst a young and expressive crowd who used this as the prime social networking base. Now, this starts to feel a little bit out of date, and it is frustrating in a strange way working out how to capture imagination - both others' and my own - through writing. That is where the other journal (plugged here) seems to come in, and where some of this background frustration has recently gone. Geneva could and should have been cool, but lower confidence really makes you feel a sense of rejection once you leave it behind. The weeks are galloping on, and I don't miss it, sadly.

Prison anecdotes sound rather wonderfully risqué to me. And Hugh Dennis walking like a raptor is quite a good catch as well. Honestly, be proud of your wacky eccentricities; they are wicked!

[syrendelalune]

I wish I could reply with depth and eloquence equal to that of your entry. It so deserves it. It's been a long time since I've written, which struck a chord with me as tying in with your point about learning to write through the act of writing.

Where witnessing is concerned I'll defend your reason for leaving Geneva to the grave, as I'll take your reasoning for going with me to the grave as the grandest gesture of love, liberty; zest for life, experience and opportunity I've ever witnessed.

Aside from that I feel unsure of what I can offer through this; it feels almost selfish of me to focus entirely on the impact it had on us here, (I'm pretty sure that if this were an email or private conversation I wouldn't feel this way) but it seems unavoidable. I complained about the lack of spontaneity involved in experiencing Geneva for what it was with a vibrance I always hoped might be contagious to you to help you through.

Every ounce of confidence I've gained since then through my own actions and experiences which you once craved for

[bucephalus]

you will heal, i am glad you are out of that hellish existence.

i chose a life of the arts and relative poverty over a miserable but very well paid existence in the legal world. no regrets here. good luck in your search.

are you familiar with last.fm? we've discussed music briefly before, and the adventure of discovery, and last.fm has been a most amazing adventure. if you are on there, or wish to visit, i am jackmagnus there.