My Top Three HBICS.
Head Bitches In Charge:
A Picspam Celebrating Three Examples of Female Pwnage
HBIC (n.)- an acronym that stands for Head Bitch In Charge.
How do I define Head Bitch In Charge?
An HBIC doesn't have to be someone who literally kicks people's asses or constantly pwns others. An HBIC by my definition is someone who is simply the best at what they do and is the best at who they are. For example, my mom is the HBIC when it comes to cooking Mexican food. Seriously, her tacos pwn anyone else's tacos. And I am the HBIC because I have perfected the lazy-ass symdrome. I can sit at this computer making a picspam for four hours and then go and watch TV for four more. Get my drift? Cool.
These are in no particular order, because if I had to order them, I think I would have to kill myself due to indecision.
Dr. Temperance Brennan- the genius HBIC
Why her?
Ultimately it comes down to the fact that if Brennan can't kill you with her brain...
...she can pwn you with a briefcase.
And she can say 'skull' in every language!
We all love Brennan, we really do. You can't not love her.
I mean, what's not to love?
She pushed her partner's brother off of a bar stool.
She really can't act.
She thinks Cyndi Lauper is 'rad'.
She accidently molests little children.
She'll serve a warrant on God.
She secretly believes that Wonder Woman pwns all.
Despite being oblivious to pop culture, she can randomly throw out phrases like 'he who smelt it dealt it' and make me ROFL.
She mixes up Colin Farrell and Will Ferrell.
She is mysteriously able to resist the charms of one Special Agent Seeley Booth (believe me, she must be super-human to accomplish this).
But mostly, she's just Temperance, and I want to squish her and give her a hug.
Random Episode of HBIC-ness:
I'm going to give it to Season Three's The Knight on the Grid. Brennan rules in that episode. Not only does she get blown up and think of a good idea before Booth, but she keeps working even after she gets blown up, kisses Booth on the cheek, doesn't freak out when people google her, helps out her niece and brother, and reconnects with her dad.
Random Quote of Total Pwnage:
Bones; Episode 1.12: The Superhero in the Alley.
BRENNAN: Wait. You said that in books you could find the real-world version.
BOOTH: Yeah. Well, I mean, if you know you, it's pretty obvious.
BRENNAN: Well, give me an example.
BOOTH: Okay. Well, in your book, your partner's a former Olympic boxer who graduated from Harvard and spoke six different languages. In real life, you got me.
BRENNAN: So what you're saying is that reality falls far, far short of the fictional. (ROFL x5)
BOOTH: Yeah. Thanks a lot, Bones. [He leaves]
Special Agent Dana Scully- the no nonsense HBIC
Why her?
There is something that you must know about Dana Scully. She has perfected 'the Looks'.
You know 'the Looks'
The stoic 'I HAVE DEDUCED THAT YOU ARE FULL OF BULLSHIT' look.
The sarcastic 'I'M SO MUCH SMARTER THAN YOU' look.
The irate 'MULDER STOP ACTING LIKE A DUMBASS AND DO WHAT I SAY' look.
But Agent Scully [Golightly] is so much more than a master class example of awesome facial expressions.
She can sing 'Jeremiah was a bullfrog' in the middle of a creepy forest.
She slops intestines on a scale as if they were nothing more than link sausage.
She enjoys her bubble baths, thank you very much.
She looks fabulous in low-lighting.
Mostly, she's just mother fucking Dana 'Fierce' Scully, showing all female FBI Agents how it's done since 1993.
And at the end of the day, she's just kind of adorable.
Random episode of HBIC-ness:
Probably Agua Mala from season six. I love her in that episode. She helps a woman give birth to a baby, saves the deputy from the squilchy octopussy plumbing monster, discovers how to kill said monster, gets soaked in the rain and still maintains her awesome, gets Arthur Dale to tell Mulder that The X-Files needs her, and best of all, makes my favorite Scully 'Look' of all time:
Random Quote of Total Pwnage:
The X-Files; Episode 5.12: Bad Blood.
SCULLY: What do you mean you want me to do another autopsy?! (Scully is sitting on the side of the vibrating bed, screaming and talking fast, her voice vibrating ) And why do I have to do it right now?! I just spent hours on my feet doing an autopsy, all for you. I do it all for you, Mulder! You know, I haven't eaten since 6:00 this morning, and all that was was a half a cream cheese bagel, and it wasn't even real cream cheese, it was light cream cheese! And now you want me to run off and do another autopsy?! (She notices the mud covering Mulder) What the hell happened to you? (Scully gets up and walks to the door without waiting for an answer)
Mulder Voiceover: Finally...you left.
Scully: Don't touch that bed! (She slams the door and a painting on the wall falls off it's nail)
Liz Lemon- the dorky-yet-relatable HBIC
Why her?
The thing that one must understand about Liz is that she wins at failing spectacularly. She's like, the HBIC of losers, which is why I love her.
We all have a little bit of love in her our hearts for someone who once (unknowingly) dated their fifth cousin...
...someone who had to maintain this hairdo in high school...
...someone who got in to a bitch fight with Isabella Rosellini...
...someone who shot Wayne Brady in the ass...
...someone who will eat a mysterious poptart from under the sofa.
We all love a little bit of crazy, and Liz Lemon is the right kind of crazy.
She's so fierce, she'll fire you if she wants your boyfriend.
She'll lie and backstab and get that crazy look in her eyes like Kenneth's cousin who drank from the air conditioner in order to protect a secret.
If you eat her sandwich, she'll stab you with a giant fork.
She'll barf, and yes, she will continue to eat that apple!
And yeah, if you rape her, she will blow that whistle.
Mostly, Liz Lemon just gets punched in the face a lot, sometimes literally, but mostly figuratively.
And we love her for it, because she makes being 'not cool' cool.
When she can't pull off an outfit, you cheer for her.
Thank you Liz Lemon, you are the HBIC for very girl out there who once pooped in her pants at an all-you-can-eat buffet and didn't leave until she finished her second plate of shrimp.
Random Episode of HBIC-ness:
Oh man, Sandwich Day all the way. Liz pwned in that episode. She looked hot in her red dress, showed super-human strength in flipping over that table, lost the band-aid in her hair, went for that morning workout, discovered Floyd's evil plan, scarfed down a sandwich in 30 seconds, and made it to Floyd to tell him that she didn't want to stab him with a giant fork.
Random Quote of Total Pwnage:
30 Rock; Episode 1.15: Hardball.
Liz: Do the worm! (Josh looks confused) Do the worm!
Jack: The worm! Good God Lemon, that's so degrading. Are it's origins German?
Liz: Now say five reasons I'm better than you!
Josh: You're smarter than me!
Liz: One!
Josh: You beat me at arm wrestling!
Liz: Two!
Josh: You read the paper!
Liz: Yeah suck it, I do read the paper!
Josh's Agent: Do you want me to do anything?
Liz: Be a crab! Fight the worm!
Jack: Wow, Liz you took this like a natural!...Okay, the crab is getting aroused. Shut it down. Shut it down.
THOSE ARE THE HBICS, BITCHES. LIVE. LEARN. WORSHIP.
If you love any of these women, then you will comment.