Love; far too long 6/6
Title: Love; far too long 6/6
Plot: kiboushinjitsu
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2244
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything.
Summary: A beautiful young secretary, two rings and a bouquet of daisies. Sometimes love goes on for too long and the ones in love forget what it feels like.
♥♥♥
He sniffed, the task made difficult with his stuffy throat and somewhat blocked nose, as he raised an arm to wipe at his tears that wouldn’t stop. The texture, though, made him start.
What the…
Opening his eyes didn’t feel like such a chore, and Yunho was surprised to see the hand before his eyes. It looked like years ago. Something in his head told him yes, yes you’re right but he just had to make sure.
Clawing his way up from the bed, he held his breath as he walked over - surprisingly fast, his brain noted - to the mirror. Clapping his hands over his cheeks, his forehead, his ribs and abdomen, he tried to wrap his head around the idea that it wasn’t real - Dream. A dream. Just a dream.
But which parts were illusions and which parts weren’t? Everything had been so real; he didn’t know, wasn’t sure, if he had cheated.
W-where was Jaejoong?
He squatted where he stood, head cradled between his arms, slowly rocking back and forth on his heels, wanting to staunch the flow of tears but helpless against the onslaught. His heart was screaming Jaejoongjaejoongjaejoong and his head was telling him get up and look - get up! - now! But before he knew, he lost what little balance he had and sat heavily on the floor, arms falling away to his side.
A little stunned at the semi-fall, he stared at his reflection - the bloodshot eyes, the messy hair, the rumpled clothes and the face, blotchy from tears and taut from sorrow. What struck him, however, was something he realised just a little while ago; He was young! Still young. Even if… He swallowed. …even if Jaejoong had left, he’d chase him while he could still walk.
I’ll be damned if I die without him loving me back.
---
He forced himself to walk without raising his voice and shouting for Jaejoong, because that was so much like what happened the day after their anniversary. Forced himself to walk, because it was with urgency that he almost ran through the house in his search that time.
He wanted the difference, needed the difference to remind himself that this is different, this isn’t that. He didn’t want any déjà vu at all, not with the shouting, not with the walking, and no - certainly not with the results of the search.
But each room he walked through, he didn’t sense the presence of Jaejoong, couldn’t see his lover’s face; and he was starting to panick.
No, just one more.. Just. Please.
He pushed the door open, hit with the familiarity of the move. All the cookbooks Jaejoong owned, all his diaries and all the books he loved to read and cry over that Yunho could never understand. He couldn’t even enter, turning his back on the open door and almost running back to his own bedroom, his heart hurting and it’s all your fault being screamed in his head, the walls of the corridor glaring down at him for losing their other owner.
---
The tears. They were flowing silently down his cheeks and he didn’t even care anymore.
Would Yoochun know? Did he know where his Joongie went? Shit, what a stupid question. Of course he would; soul mates, remember.
You can beat me up, just tell me where.
Please.
Walking over to the phone, he was about to pick up the receiver when he heard water running. He froze.
Oh, God, is that-
His feet shuffled soundlessly on the carpeted floor, bringing him to the bathroom door that was slightly ajar.
He swore it’s the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen.
The broad shoulders, the thin waist, and just-God, Jaejoong. Seeing him was like being able to breathe again, seeing the sun after being blind and a thousand other things that Yunho couldn’t find words for. All the pain, tightness in his chest were just released abruptly. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, alerting Jaejoong, who looked up into the bathroom mirror.
The sight was glorious. Even through the small area of the reflective surface, even turning around to face him, Joongie was still beautiful. So beautiful, forever beautiful. His hair was all unruly, as it always was in the mornings, eyes still a little groggy, and the toothpaste foam spilling over a little from his mouth as he brushed his teeth. Yunho took it all in, just letting his eyes rove over the reflection of his lover’s face, willing himself to believe that this is real and Joongie is here. Jaejoong was so cute as he cracked a smile around his toothbrush that Yunho had to smile.
Though he only realised that he was crying when Jaejoong’s eyes widened in shock and concern. Jaejoong didn’t have the time to turn around and rinse his mouth before Yunho caught him in a fierce hug, vice-like grip seemingly unwilling to let go for eternity.
---
Jaejoong didn’t understand whatever it was that was going on, really.
A while ago, he was just brushing his teeth, washing up, like usual. And the next moment, he had had all the wind knocked out of him from the sudden tight embrace. Sincerely, if he hadn’t seen Yunho crying before that, he would have shouted at him - since he choked on toothpaste from the shock (and the minty foam wasn’t exactly pleasant to swallow). But since he did, he held Yunho for a few short minutes, while trying to keep the contents in his mouth, before prying the arms from around him to rinse the fluoride-ridden foam out of his mouth.
But then he had turned back to Yunho, and guided them both to sit on the bed. The arms just went around him again, and clutched him close to Yunho’s chest. The grip was almost painful, but Jaejoong hadn’t seen anything like this for a long time; ever since his lover had lost his grandfather who had been such a figure in his life, Yunho hadn’t cried like that again. Feeling the sobs whack his lover’s body and reverberate through his, he bit his lip, his own tears almost springing to his eyes. It was scaring him, how Yunho’s hands were running over his body almost desperately. As if, Jaejoong thought, he’d disappear anytime.
His voice came as a whisper, gentle, as if speaking to a skittish colt. “What’s wrong, Yunnie?”
The sobs just became louder, the gasps for breath more prominent, and Jaejoong could only hold the broken man back, silently running his hand up and down his back, reminding Yunho I’m here, you’re not alone and it’s okay.
---
When Yunho had finally fallen asleep in his arms, having coaxed them both into lying on the bed, he thought that perhaps...
Just. Perhaps, it was something to do with why Yunho had been distant lately.
But he wouldn’t ask, despite being curious. He wouldn’t; asking had only resulted in more crying from Yunho earlier and he didn’t want to upset him. He would simply stay by Yunho’s side, waiting till he shared it, only being what Yunho needed.
---
Yunho’s eyes opened blearily, dried tears and clumped lashes making the task somewhat painful. He had almost jolted up until he realised that there was a weight on his arm, warmth to his left.
Jaejoong.
Lifting Jaejoong’s head to cushion it with a pillow and turning to lean on his side, he draped an arm over Jaejoong on top of the blanket, careful not to wake the latter. He knew if he leaned a little closer, the familiar smell of Jaejoong’s shampoo would be washing over him. Knew it because he had done it so many times.
From the moment he woke up, he saw Jaejoong, felt Jaejoong, breathed Jaejoong. Every single thing was Jaejoongjaejoongjaejoong. He was sure he wouldn’t be able to live a life without Jaejoong anymore, sure that miserable existence and lonely demise in his dream was not just an illusion; it was imminent if Jaejoong no longer wanted to be by his side.
Perhaps he was feeling a little vulnerable, a little pained over his dream, but he did something he hadn’t done in quite a long time. He laced their fingers together. Jaejoong used to tease him endlessly about it, but he had liked doing the cheesy move so much that he hadn’t cared. He couldn’t remember when he stopped doing it now, but it soothed him, and he still liked the feeling as much as before, or even more. So he let the feeling he didn’t know he missed ease him back into sleep again.
---
Jaejoong proceeded to call his speed-dial ‘2’ contact (because Yunniebear ς^ω^? and Boojae ♥ were each other’s ‘1’s). “Nonsense.”
Yunho made a sound of protest. “I’m okay, Jae. Just go, really!”
His lover just rolled his eyes at him and wandered into the kitchen while speaking to Yoochun. Their fingers were still laced - from the time they woke up, because Jaejoong had refused to let go of his hand and Yunho acceded to his request wordlessly because he didn’t want to either - so Yunho trailed behind him, listening in on the one side of the conversation as Jaejoong made to cancel his plans with Yoochun for the day.
---
It has been a really long time since they’ve been able to stay home and just spend time together like this, Jaejoong mused. Somehow so many things had stolen them from each other, and while Jaejoong would always have Yoochun (his amazing soulmate, he thought fondly), he still missed Yunho a little.
That wasn’t to say that they loved each other less - he knew, felt with everything he had that it wasn’t the case - but there was a difference between the days they were crazily in love, dating, each other’s shadows and how they had settled down now. Something like… just past the honeymoon period, Jaejoong thought, although they were never married (because they sure acted like a married couple).
It was a few days before Yunho could properly resume his work.
But he made sure to call almost every few hours, and always, Jaejoong noted, on the house phone.
He wondered why.
---
“Thanks… for stepping in to help at such short notice, Haejin,” Yunho’s voice rang out from behind her.
“The pleasure is all mine, Yunho-sshi.”
“if you could just…” Yunho cleared his throat, “…step into my office for a while?”
Haejin obliged with a sweet smile, the door closing behind her…
…and staying firmly closed until after lunch.
---
The door slammed hard behind Jaejoong, narrowly missing Yunho’s face.
The anger, it seemed, had ebbed away for hurt to set in. Jaejoong had stopped and turned to face him, glaring at him with red-rimmed eyes that made Yunho’s heart clench tightly with pain.
‘It’s not okay Yunho,’ Jaejoong finally spoke, in a calm quiet voice that made Yunho afraid.
‘Jaejoong-ah-‘
‘It’s not okay, Yunho,’ Jaejoong continued heartbrokenly, as his first tears begin to fall, ‘for someone else to touch you. Why, Yunho?’
Yunho was automatically striding across to close the distance between them the moment Jaejoong’s tears were evident.
Jaejoong tried to fight him when Yunho’s arms went around him, but Yunho persisted until Jaejoong finally relented, accepting Yunho’s whispered apologies in his ears and crying into Yunho’s clothed shoulder as Yunho held him.
---
Jaejoong covered his face and muttered his apologies. ‘Ugh,’ he could just feel his entire face heating up, ‘I’m so sorry Yunnie. I can’t believe I just did that.’
‘It’s okay, baby, you came in at the exact wrong moment when everything looked wrong.’
‘Why did she have to hug you just for that recommendation letter,’ Jaejoong muttered grudgingly, though without malice. ‘And that angle, ugh.’
Yunho chuckled, and Jaejoong felt the reverberations through his entire body. ‘Baby, really, I’m never going to win against you.’ Yunho dropped a kiss on Jaejoong’s nose, ‘the thought of making you sad makes me want to drop everything to give you the world and make you happy.’
Jaejoong looked up when Yunho pulled an arm away and looked on interestedly as Yunho reached into his pocket.
‘So…’ Yunho dragged, ‘I went and got this for you.’
He held out an open velvet box that presented a simple band, just like how Jaejoong liked his jewelry. Jaejoong unwrapped himself from around Yunho, as Yunho said his next words.
“Because… I want to be with you forever, and ever. And never ever forget that I’m yours, all yours.”
“But-you gave me a ring…already.”
“Think of it as an engagement ring.” Yunho whispered, gently twisting the simple silver band around and off Jaejoong’s finger’s middle finger. “And this…” he smiled and kissed the back of Jaejoong’s hand, making sure to look into Jaejoong’s eyes, “…makes you a married man.”
The tears were dripping from Jaejoong’s beautiful eyes when Yunho slipped the engraved circle around his ring finger.
“I don’t have a ring for you,” Jaejoong said, looking at Yunho with tear-filled eyes.
Yunho smiled, lifting the hand with the ring, and kissing the open palm, then Jaejoong’s forehead, before pulling away and enveloping Jaejoong in his arms. ‘Let’s go pick one out tomorrow.’
‘Yunho?’
Jaejoong’s head peeked out from under Yunho’s chin, and Yunho thought he’d never get sick of the most beautiful sight in the world - even with tears in his eyes, Jaejoong was still beautiful.
‘Hmm?’
‘I do.’
♥♥♥A/N: Oh my gosh. I think I took more than one year to complete this. So terribly apologetic to all of you who were waiting for the last and final chapter, I really did have a huge block before I completed this. Mimiemoo’s message in my inbox made me restart on writing this. I’m not too sure how many of you still remember me, but a huge ‘thank you’ to all of you who waited, and read and gave me so much love ♥ I really did draw so much strength from you guys! This work is not only mine but also all of yours (although I still will not forgive plagiarism)! An amazing specially huge credit to kiboushinjitsu who came up with the plot, which led to the commission of this whole fic :) Thank you everyone, so so much!
Plot: kiboushinjitsu
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2244
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything.
Summary: A beautiful young secretary, two rings and a bouquet of daisies. Sometimes love goes on for too long and the ones in love forget what it feels like.
♥♥♥
He sniffed, the task made difficult with his stuffy throat and somewhat blocked nose, as he raised an arm to wipe at his tears that wouldn’t stop. The texture, though, made him start.
What the…
Opening his eyes didn’t feel like such a chore, and Yunho was surprised to see the hand before his eyes. It looked like years ago. Something in his head told him yes, yes you’re right but he just had to make sure.
Clawing his way up from the bed, he held his breath as he walked over - surprisingly fast, his brain noted - to the mirror. Clapping his hands over his cheeks, his forehead, his ribs and abdomen, he tried to wrap his head around the idea that it wasn’t real - Dream. A dream. Just a dream.
But which parts were illusions and which parts weren’t? Everything had been so real; he didn’t know, wasn’t sure, if he had cheated.
W-where was Jaejoong?
He squatted where he stood, head cradled between his arms, slowly rocking back and forth on his heels, wanting to staunch the flow of tears but helpless against the onslaught. His heart was screaming Jaejoongjaejoongjaejoong and his head was telling him get up and look - get up! - now! But before he knew, he lost what little balance he had and sat heavily on the floor, arms falling away to his side.
A little stunned at the semi-fall, he stared at his reflection - the bloodshot eyes, the messy hair, the rumpled clothes and the face, blotchy from tears and taut from sorrow. What struck him, however, was something he realised just a little while ago; He was young! Still young. Even if… He swallowed. …even if Jaejoong had left, he’d chase him while he could still walk.
I’ll be damned if I die without him loving me back.
---
He forced himself to walk without raising his voice and shouting for Jaejoong, because that was so much like what happened the day after their anniversary. Forced himself to walk, because it was with urgency that he almost ran through the house in his search that time.
He wanted the difference, needed the difference to remind himself that this is different, this isn’t that. He didn’t want any déjà vu at all, not with the shouting, not with the walking, and no - certainly not with the results of the search.
But each room he walked through, he didn’t sense the presence of Jaejoong, couldn’t see his lover’s face; and he was starting to panick.
No, just one more.. Just. Please.
He pushed the door open, hit with the familiarity of the move. All the cookbooks Jaejoong owned, all his diaries and all the books he loved to read and cry over that Yunho could never understand. He couldn’t even enter, turning his back on the open door and almost running back to his own bedroom, his heart hurting and it’s all your fault being screamed in his head, the walls of the corridor glaring down at him for losing their other owner.
---
The tears. They were flowing silently down his cheeks and he didn’t even care anymore.
Would Yoochun know? Did he know where his Joongie went? Shit, what a stupid question. Of course he would; soul mates, remember.
You can beat me up, just tell me where.
Please.
Walking over to the phone, he was about to pick up the receiver when he heard water running. He froze.
Oh, God, is that-
His feet shuffled soundlessly on the carpeted floor, bringing him to the bathroom door that was slightly ajar.
He swore it’s the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen.
The broad shoulders, the thin waist, and just-God, Jaejoong. Seeing him was like being able to breathe again, seeing the sun after being blind and a thousand other things that Yunho couldn’t find words for. All the pain, tightness in his chest were just released abruptly. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, alerting Jaejoong, who looked up into the bathroom mirror.
The sight was glorious. Even through the small area of the reflective surface, even turning around to face him, Joongie was still beautiful. So beautiful, forever beautiful. His hair was all unruly, as it always was in the mornings, eyes still a little groggy, and the toothpaste foam spilling over a little from his mouth as he brushed his teeth. Yunho took it all in, just letting his eyes rove over the reflection of his lover’s face, willing himself to believe that this is real and Joongie is here. Jaejoong was so cute as he cracked a smile around his toothbrush that Yunho had to smile.
Though he only realised that he was crying when Jaejoong’s eyes widened in shock and concern. Jaejoong didn’t have the time to turn around and rinse his mouth before Yunho caught him in a fierce hug, vice-like grip seemingly unwilling to let go for eternity.
---
Jaejoong didn’t understand whatever it was that was going on, really.
A while ago, he was just brushing his teeth, washing up, like usual. And the next moment, he had had all the wind knocked out of him from the sudden tight embrace. Sincerely, if he hadn’t seen Yunho crying before that, he would have shouted at him - since he choked on toothpaste from the shock (and the minty foam wasn’t exactly pleasant to swallow). But since he did, he held Yunho for a few short minutes, while trying to keep the contents in his mouth, before prying the arms from around him to rinse the fluoride-ridden foam out of his mouth.
But then he had turned back to Yunho, and guided them both to sit on the bed. The arms just went around him again, and clutched him close to Yunho’s chest. The grip was almost painful, but Jaejoong hadn’t seen anything like this for a long time; ever since his lover had lost his grandfather who had been such a figure in his life, Yunho hadn’t cried like that again. Feeling the sobs whack his lover’s body and reverberate through his, he bit his lip, his own tears almost springing to his eyes. It was scaring him, how Yunho’s hands were running over his body almost desperately. As if, Jaejoong thought, he’d disappear anytime.
His voice came as a whisper, gentle, as if speaking to a skittish colt. “What’s wrong, Yunnie?”
The sobs just became louder, the gasps for breath more prominent, and Jaejoong could only hold the broken man back, silently running his hand up and down his back, reminding Yunho I’m here, you’re not alone and it’s okay.
---
When Yunho had finally fallen asleep in his arms, having coaxed them both into lying on the bed, he thought that perhaps...
Just. Perhaps, it was something to do with why Yunho had been distant lately.
But he wouldn’t ask, despite being curious. He wouldn’t; asking had only resulted in more crying from Yunho earlier and he didn’t want to upset him. He would simply stay by Yunho’s side, waiting till he shared it, only being what Yunho needed.
---
Yunho’s eyes opened blearily, dried tears and clumped lashes making the task somewhat painful. He had almost jolted up until he realised that there was a weight on his arm, warmth to his left.
Jaejoong.
Lifting Jaejoong’s head to cushion it with a pillow and turning to lean on his side, he draped an arm over Jaejoong on top of the blanket, careful not to wake the latter. He knew if he leaned a little closer, the familiar smell of Jaejoong’s shampoo would be washing over him. Knew it because he had done it so many times.
From the moment he woke up, he saw Jaejoong, felt Jaejoong, breathed Jaejoong. Every single thing was Jaejoongjaejoongjaejoong. He was sure he wouldn’t be able to live a life without Jaejoong anymore, sure that miserable existence and lonely demise in his dream was not just an illusion; it was imminent if Jaejoong no longer wanted to be by his side.
Perhaps he was feeling a little vulnerable, a little pained over his dream, but he did something he hadn’t done in quite a long time. He laced their fingers together. Jaejoong used to tease him endlessly about it, but he had liked doing the cheesy move so much that he hadn’t cared. He couldn’t remember when he stopped doing it now, but it soothed him, and he still liked the feeling as much as before, or even more. So he let the feeling he didn’t know he missed ease him back into sleep again.
---
Jaejoong proceeded to call his speed-dial ‘2’ contact (because Yunniebear ς^ω^? and Boojae ♥ were each other’s ‘1’s). “Nonsense.”
Yunho made a sound of protest. “I’m okay, Jae. Just go, really!”
His lover just rolled his eyes at him and wandered into the kitchen while speaking to Yoochun. Their fingers were still laced - from the time they woke up, because Jaejoong had refused to let go of his hand and Yunho acceded to his request wordlessly because he didn’t want to either - so Yunho trailed behind him, listening in on the one side of the conversation as Jaejoong made to cancel his plans with Yoochun for the day.
---
It has been a really long time since they’ve been able to stay home and just spend time together like this, Jaejoong mused. Somehow so many things had stolen them from each other, and while Jaejoong would always have Yoochun (his amazing soulmate, he thought fondly), he still missed Yunho a little.
That wasn’t to say that they loved each other less - he knew, felt with everything he had that it wasn’t the case - but there was a difference between the days they were crazily in love, dating, each other’s shadows and how they had settled down now. Something like… just past the honeymoon period, Jaejoong thought, although they were never married (because they sure acted like a married couple).
It was a few days before Yunho could properly resume his work.
But he made sure to call almost every few hours, and always, Jaejoong noted, on the house phone.
He wondered why.
---
“Thanks… for stepping in to help at such short notice, Haejin,” Yunho’s voice rang out from behind her.
“The pleasure is all mine, Yunho-sshi.”
“if you could just…” Yunho cleared his throat, “…step into my office for a while?”
Haejin obliged with a sweet smile, the door closing behind her…
…and staying firmly closed until after lunch.
---
The door slammed hard behind Jaejoong, narrowly missing Yunho’s face.
The anger, it seemed, had ebbed away for hurt to set in. Jaejoong had stopped and turned to face him, glaring at him with red-rimmed eyes that made Yunho’s heart clench tightly with pain.
‘It’s not okay Yunho,’ Jaejoong finally spoke, in a calm quiet voice that made Yunho afraid.
‘Jaejoong-ah-‘
‘It’s not okay, Yunho,’ Jaejoong continued heartbrokenly, as his first tears begin to fall, ‘for someone else to touch you. Why, Yunho?’
Yunho was automatically striding across to close the distance between them the moment Jaejoong’s tears were evident.
Jaejoong tried to fight him when Yunho’s arms went around him, but Yunho persisted until Jaejoong finally relented, accepting Yunho’s whispered apologies in his ears and crying into Yunho’s clothed shoulder as Yunho held him.
---
Jaejoong covered his face and muttered his apologies. ‘Ugh,’ he could just feel his entire face heating up, ‘I’m so sorry Yunnie. I can’t believe I just did that.’
‘It’s okay, baby, you came in at the exact wrong moment when everything looked wrong.’
‘Why did she have to hug you just for that recommendation letter,’ Jaejoong muttered grudgingly, though without malice. ‘And that angle, ugh.’
Yunho chuckled, and Jaejoong felt the reverberations through his entire body. ‘Baby, really, I’m never going to win against you.’ Yunho dropped a kiss on Jaejoong’s nose, ‘the thought of making you sad makes me want to drop everything to give you the world and make you happy.’
Jaejoong looked up when Yunho pulled an arm away and looked on interestedly as Yunho reached into his pocket.
‘So…’ Yunho dragged, ‘I went and got this for you.’
He held out an open velvet box that presented a simple band, just like how Jaejoong liked his jewelry. Jaejoong unwrapped himself from around Yunho, as Yunho said his next words.
“Because… I want to be with you forever, and ever. And never ever forget that I’m yours, all yours.”
“But-you gave me a ring…already.”
“Think of it as an engagement ring.” Yunho whispered, gently twisting the simple silver band around and off Jaejoong’s finger’s middle finger. “And this…” he smiled and kissed the back of Jaejoong’s hand, making sure to look into Jaejoong’s eyes, “…makes you a married man.”
The tears were dripping from Jaejoong’s beautiful eyes when Yunho slipped the engraved circle around his ring finger.
“I don’t have a ring for you,” Jaejoong said, looking at Yunho with tear-filled eyes.
Yunho smiled, lifting the hand with the ring, and kissing the open palm, then Jaejoong’s forehead, before pulling away and enveloping Jaejoong in his arms. ‘Let’s go pick one out tomorrow.’
‘Yunho?’
Jaejoong’s head peeked out from under Yunho’s chin, and Yunho thought he’d never get sick of the most beautiful sight in the world - even with tears in his eyes, Jaejoong was still beautiful.
‘Hmm?’
‘I do.’
♥♥♥A/N: Oh my gosh. I think I took more than one year to complete this. So terribly apologetic to all of you who were waiting for the last and final chapter, I really did have a huge block before I completed this. Mimiemoo’s message in my inbox made me restart on writing this. I’m not too sure how many of you still remember me, but a huge ‘thank you’ to all of you who waited, and read and gave me so much love ♥ I really did draw so much strength from you guys! This work is not only mine but also all of yours (although I still will not forgive plagiarism)! An amazing specially huge credit to kiboushinjitsu who came up with the plot, which led to the commission of this whole fic :) Thank you everyone, so so much!