Secrets
Title: Secrets
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1477
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything.
Summary: Jaejoong and Yunho both have secrets of their own.
♥♥♥
Jaejoong.
Thumpthumpthump-
Fingers spread but lax, a palm opened and pressed again Jaejoong’s front.
Smooth, smooth, but it’s all fiery sparks as the print marks invisibly as it slid down his front.
It’s firefirefire-
It’s not imagination, Jaejoong thinks, when he feels a pause, oh-so-subtle, just about his heart.
Because he flicks up a gaze at him and his eyes hold regret that makes sounds of the club dull and thunder simultaneously for a while, even as the wicked smirk doesn’t fade.
It’s too bad.
This whisper Jaejoong barely catches by the side of his ear.
His breath is caught, thumpthumpthump, he exhales when he realizes.
What’s-thumpthumpthump-too bad?
He wants to ask.
Somehow..
Somehow he’s sure he knows he asked though no murmur crossed his lips.
He knows, he knows.
---
Days. Nights.
Everything is backwards.
His nights feel like he’s living and his days are his rest.
Tick - tick.
Tock - tock.
The sun is up, he’s in a daze - he’s waiting.
Everything is black and white, gray-scale.
Boringboringboring.
But-thumpthumpthump-the nights.
Fire. Ice. Light. Dark.
It’s elemental, musical, euphoric - it’s an addiction he can’t kick, his secret he won’t tell.
“Yunho..”
“Jaejoong.”
Their names whispered in each other’s ears before parting. Whispered softly, lingeringly - yes, just like a secret. Scorching and eating away, gnawing at his insides to replace all of him.
Just like a secret.
---
Everything is backwards, everything is.
Why are you my secret, Jaejoong thinks, when you feel so right around me?
The caress of Yunho’s fingers becomes a tingling sensation on his hips.
Back to front, plane to plane.
Thumpthumpthump-Jaejoong’s fingers curl around Yunho’s, head falling to Yunho’s shoulder as Yunho links their bodies together, grinds against him.
Thumpthumpthump.
His fingers tighten around Yunho’s own.
Then-Yunho is pulling away, jerking movements and retreating motions.
What is it?
It’s the first time Jaejoong sees Yunho so panicked, so at a loss for what to do.
Yunho, who’s always been more than Confidence itself.
Thump-It makes Jaejoong-thump-want to take him into his arms and soothe him, but he stands, unsure.
What is it, what is it making you like this?
Yunho hides his eyes, hooded as he drops his gaze to the ground. Backs a few steps. Turning, striding away before Jaejoong could reach for him.
Shhh.
We both have secrets, Jaejoong thinks belatedly, raising a hand to his chest, feeling his heart slow down and an odd throb, there in the middle of the dance floor.
---
Yunho.
Thud-thud-thud.
Can’t-
He keeps his fingers skimming Jaejoong’s sides, marveling at the warmth.
The peeks of pale skin from canvass black entice him and his eyes linger.
Beautifulbeautiful-yes Jaejoong is.
But, that’s not it, not all to it.
Not the doe eyes, the sensual lips, the broad shoulders nor the thin waist.
When they separate, thud-thud-thud, some place is empty.
Thuddddddddddddd, it echoes.
-can’t keep away from him.
---
It’s indecent, Yunho thinks.
The sounds that sometimes come out from Jaejoong border on moans from bedrooms or, he smirks, the darker alleys at the back of the club.
It makes the air heat up between the two of them, makes oxygen thick like there was a real fire and smoke-smotheringsmother.
But it’s different, Yunho knows.
When Jaejoong, thudthudthud, comes and dims the whole club.
Or-or when he looks up with the beautiful beautiful eyes-and looks, really looks.
That’s when-shh-
STOPPP-
His head stops what’s on the tip of his tongue.
Hush.
Yunho remembers his secret he doesn’t want to tell.
Can’t tell, can’t tell can’t tell.
Hush, baby, hush.
Thud-thud-thud-
---
Jaejoong.
Just one.
Once is enough-it has to be, Jaejoong thinks.
THUMPTHUMPTHUMP.
It’s the first time he’s done this-first time, only time.
He knows, he knows it is.
Only you, only-thump-Yunho-thump-
They’re in the far side of the club, Jaejoong having taken one look at Yunho whose colours are more pronounced today, and he pulls Yunho with him.
Am I doing this?
In the back of his mind when he closes his eyes-thump-, he knows each tint on Yunho, each shade of Yunho-thump-explode like fireworks today.
Am I doing this?
There’s no difference in the way he’s dressed-no difference, no change.
Jaejoong doesn’t know why but it’s today.
THUMP.
Just once.
THUMP.
He leans in, pressing Yunho against the wall.
Yunho’s brown eyes are as alluring as he remembers-remembers forever though they just met a few weeks back.
THUMP.
Jaejoong chuckles into Yunho’s ear, a “what were you thinking?” murmured as he pulls back slowly.
“That I was going to do this?”, he smirks and brushes his lips across Yunho’s cheeks-thumpthumpthump.
He’s standing straight now and Yunho turns his face back to stare at him with unreadable eyes.
Thump..
Jaejoong’s porcelain features are impeccable, cold like the stone they have been said to mirror.
‘I just wanted to play~’.
---
In the safety of his home a few hours later, Jaejoong cries tears that drip and drip and drip before he knows, only feeling the sting of his eyes.
They won’t stop, why won’t they stop?
Thump..
---
Yunho.
Thud.. Thud.. Thud..
Yunho looks up to find tight lips stretched by a forced smile.
Guarded, guarded.
Everything is guarded and everything is wrong.
Wrong wrong wrong.
Thudthudthudthudthud.
There’s only a ringing in his ears as he pulls Jaejoong by the wrist.
Almost dragging, thudthudthudthudthud.
Pushing through sweat-slickened bodies, mishmeshed limbs.
He’s hurt him and the only thought he can hear above the ringing is rightrightright, I need to make it right.
Thudthudthudthudthud.
They reach a corner, Yunho boxing Jaejoong in as Jaejoong pulls his wrist away and rubs at it, looking away.
RIGHHHHHTTTTTT.
There’s roaring in his ears, in his head as he takes over Jaejoong’s wrist and runs his thumb soothingly over it.
RIGHHHHHTTTTTT.
Make it right, roars his own voice in his own head.
It’s the thing he hears as he leans his other elbow on the wall beside Jaejoong’s head, dives in for his lips.
And the only other thing is-
THUMP THUMP THUMP.
---
Jaejoong.
The nights are hot, filled with Yunho, Yunho, Yunho.
He isn’t able to pull out, can’t find it in himself to pull out of this, and only-thump-drops his eyes when Yunho looks over.
THUMP-does he know?
---
Yunho.
The days are cold, painful, filled with Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong.
He isn’t able to pull out, can’t find it in himself to pull out of this, and only-thud-embraces a little tighter when Jaejoong walks over.
THUD-does he know?
♥
Yunho.
It’s nothing new, he chants over and over, posture frozen and legs rooted to the spot as he watches on. It’s horrid but he’s transfixed, almost like a masochist seeking his fix.
But it doesn’t lighten the ache in his heart, the wistfulness that makes his eyes sting as well.
His heart stutters at the knowledge he didn’t know how to deal with.
I already knew.
---
Jaejoong.
In the comfort of his own house, he closes a hand over his mouth, trying to stop the gasps that come with the sobs, trying not to lose control with the strength of his tears.
But at the back of his mind, he’s marveling morbidly over the fact that he’s not surprised, that his heart only aches as he finally finally recognizes the feeling that has been in his heart as one that was reciprocated, that he almost blurted out earlier.
I already knew.
.flashback.
Jaejoong thinks he heard wrong, but it can’t be anything else by the look on Yunho’s face.
‘I won’t be coming back here anymore.’
It’s an unspoken question that Jaejoong carries on his face-why? And it infuriates him to no end when Yunho shrugs carelessly.
‘Nothing. Just don’t come looking for me anymore.’
This time he speaks, eyes flashing dangerously and temper flaring up. A demand. ‘Why?’
‘I’m bored of th-‘
‘Liar, you lov-‘
Jaejoong’s eyes go wide as he pauses mid-sentence.
..love me? Love?
Jaejoong can feel his brain going into overdrive but god, it feels right. It does, and he isn’t going to be able to explain the soaring feeling that he’s having right now.
Yunho’s eyes are, however, closed, and Jaejoong isn’t able to read anything from the hazel orbs.
When they finally open though, Jaejoong wishes that Yunho didn’t. When they are finally opened, the sadness in them feels like a physical blow, and the accompanying bitter quirk of lips another.
‘Well, then, you knew? But I wouldn’t be the one cheating.’
Jaejoong doesn’t know how to reply to that - a statement with no malice, no sarcasm, tinged with wistfulness and simply factual.
And he is rooted as he watches Yunho walk away.
♥♥♥
A/N: Trying out something new. It's raw and inspired by Kesha's Die Young-- so I was just writing and seeing how it went. Some explanations below, just in case it was a little incoherent! As usual, thanks for reading :)
In the first part (Jaejoong’s perspective), he refers to Yunho-they don’t know each other’s names yet.
The constant sounds for Jaejoong refer to his heart beating.
It’s to signify his falling in love with Yunho, but he doesn’t know it, only hears his heart beating fast when Yunho is around.
His secret is his girlfriend.
The constant sounds throughout refer to Yunho’s steps, or the steps he counts.
He’s concerned with the steps because he is always aware of the distance. In actual fact he knows that Jaejoong has a girlfriend and he knows this.. thing between them isn’t lasting.
His love is his secret, btw, if you haven’t realized.
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1477
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything.
Summary: Jaejoong and Yunho both have secrets of their own.
♥♥♥
Jaejoong.
Thumpthumpthump-
Fingers spread but lax, a palm opened and pressed again Jaejoong’s front.
Smooth, smooth, but it’s all fiery sparks as the print marks invisibly as it slid down his front.
It’s firefirefire-
It’s not imagination, Jaejoong thinks, when he feels a pause, oh-so-subtle, just about his heart.
Because he flicks up a gaze at him and his eyes hold regret that makes sounds of the club dull and thunder simultaneously for a while, even as the wicked smirk doesn’t fade.
It’s too bad.
This whisper Jaejoong barely catches by the side of his ear.
His breath is caught, thumpthumpthump, he exhales when he realizes.
What’s-thumpthumpthump-too bad?
He wants to ask.
Somehow..
Somehow he’s sure he knows he asked though no murmur crossed his lips.
He knows, he knows.
---
Days. Nights.
Everything is backwards.
His nights feel like he’s living and his days are his rest.
Tick - tick.
Tock - tock.
The sun is up, he’s in a daze - he’s waiting.
Everything is black and white, gray-scale.
Boringboringboring.
But-thumpthumpthump-the nights.
Fire. Ice. Light. Dark.
It’s elemental, musical, euphoric - it’s an addiction he can’t kick, his secret he won’t tell.
“Yunho..”
“Jaejoong.”
Their names whispered in each other’s ears before parting. Whispered softly, lingeringly - yes, just like a secret. Scorching and eating away, gnawing at his insides to replace all of him.
Just like a secret.
---
Everything is backwards, everything is.
Why are you my secret, Jaejoong thinks, when you feel so right around me?
The caress of Yunho’s fingers becomes a tingling sensation on his hips.
Back to front, plane to plane.
Thumpthumpthump-Jaejoong’s fingers curl around Yunho’s, head falling to Yunho’s shoulder as Yunho links their bodies together, grinds against him.
Thumpthumpthump.
His fingers tighten around Yunho’s own.
Then-Yunho is pulling away, jerking movements and retreating motions.
What is it?
It’s the first time Jaejoong sees Yunho so panicked, so at a loss for what to do.
Yunho, who’s always been more than Confidence itself.
Thump-It makes Jaejoong-thump-want to take him into his arms and soothe him, but he stands, unsure.
What is it, what is it making you like this?
Yunho hides his eyes, hooded as he drops his gaze to the ground. Backs a few steps. Turning, striding away before Jaejoong could reach for him.
Shhh.
We both have secrets, Jaejoong thinks belatedly, raising a hand to his chest, feeling his heart slow down and an odd throb, there in the middle of the dance floor.
---
Yunho.
Thud-thud-thud.
Can’t-
He keeps his fingers skimming Jaejoong’s sides, marveling at the warmth.
The peeks of pale skin from canvass black entice him and his eyes linger.
Beautifulbeautiful-yes Jaejoong is.
But, that’s not it, not all to it.
Not the doe eyes, the sensual lips, the broad shoulders nor the thin waist.
When they separate, thud-thud-thud, some place is empty.
Thuddddddddddddd, it echoes.
-can’t keep away from him.
---
It’s indecent, Yunho thinks.
The sounds that sometimes come out from Jaejoong border on moans from bedrooms or, he smirks, the darker alleys at the back of the club.
It makes the air heat up between the two of them, makes oxygen thick like there was a real fire and smoke-smotheringsmother.
But it’s different, Yunho knows.
When Jaejoong, thudthudthud, comes and dims the whole club.
Or-or when he looks up with the beautiful beautiful eyes-and looks, really looks.
That’s when-shh-
STOPPP-
His head stops what’s on the tip of his tongue.
Hush.
Yunho remembers his secret he doesn’t want to tell.
Can’t tell, can’t tell can’t tell.
Hush, baby, hush.
Thud-thud-thud-
---
Jaejoong.
Just one.
Once is enough-it has to be, Jaejoong thinks.
THUMPTHUMPTHUMP.
It’s the first time he’s done this-first time, only time.
He knows, he knows it is.
Only you, only-thump-Yunho-thump-
They’re in the far side of the club, Jaejoong having taken one look at Yunho whose colours are more pronounced today, and he pulls Yunho with him.
Am I doing this?
In the back of his mind when he closes his eyes-thump-, he knows each tint on Yunho, each shade of Yunho-thump-explode like fireworks today.
Am I doing this?
There’s no difference in the way he’s dressed-no difference, no change.
Jaejoong doesn’t know why but it’s today.
THUMP.
Just once.
THUMP.
He leans in, pressing Yunho against the wall.
Yunho’s brown eyes are as alluring as he remembers-remembers forever though they just met a few weeks back.
THUMP.
Jaejoong chuckles into Yunho’s ear, a “what were you thinking?” murmured as he pulls back slowly.
“That I was going to do this?”, he smirks and brushes his lips across Yunho’s cheeks-thumpthumpthump.
He’s standing straight now and Yunho turns his face back to stare at him with unreadable eyes.
Thump..
Jaejoong’s porcelain features are impeccable, cold like the stone they have been said to mirror.
‘I just wanted to play~’.
---
In the safety of his home a few hours later, Jaejoong cries tears that drip and drip and drip before he knows, only feeling the sting of his eyes.
They won’t stop, why won’t they stop?
Thump..
---
Yunho.
Thud.. Thud.. Thud..
Yunho looks up to find tight lips stretched by a forced smile.
Guarded, guarded.
Everything is guarded and everything is wrong.
Wrong wrong wrong.
Thudthudthudthudthud.
There’s only a ringing in his ears as he pulls Jaejoong by the wrist.
Almost dragging, thudthudthudthudthud.
Pushing through sweat-slickened bodies, mishmeshed limbs.
He’s hurt him and the only thought he can hear above the ringing is rightrightright, I need to make it right.
Thudthudthudthudthud.
They reach a corner, Yunho boxing Jaejoong in as Jaejoong pulls his wrist away and rubs at it, looking away.
RIGHHHHHTTTTTT.
There’s roaring in his ears, in his head as he takes over Jaejoong’s wrist and runs his thumb soothingly over it.
RIGHHHHHTTTTTT.
Make it right, roars his own voice in his own head.
It’s the thing he hears as he leans his other elbow on the wall beside Jaejoong’s head, dives in for his lips.
And the only other thing is-
THUMP THUMP THUMP.
---
Jaejoong.
The nights are hot, filled with Yunho, Yunho, Yunho.
He isn’t able to pull out, can’t find it in himself to pull out of this, and only-thump-drops his eyes when Yunho looks over.
THUMP-does he know?
---
Yunho.
The days are cold, painful, filled with Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong.
He isn’t able to pull out, can’t find it in himself to pull out of this, and only-thud-embraces a little tighter when Jaejoong walks over.
THUD-does he know?
♥
Yunho.
It’s nothing new, he chants over and over, posture frozen and legs rooted to the spot as he watches on. It’s horrid but he’s transfixed, almost like a masochist seeking his fix.
But it doesn’t lighten the ache in his heart, the wistfulness that makes his eyes sting as well.
His heart stutters at the knowledge he didn’t know how to deal with.
I already knew.
---
Jaejoong.
In the comfort of his own house, he closes a hand over his mouth, trying to stop the gasps that come with the sobs, trying not to lose control with the strength of his tears.
But at the back of his mind, he’s marveling morbidly over the fact that he’s not surprised, that his heart only aches as he finally finally recognizes the feeling that has been in his heart as one that was reciprocated, that he almost blurted out earlier.
I already knew.
.flashback.
Jaejoong thinks he heard wrong, but it can’t be anything else by the look on Yunho’s face.
‘I won’t be coming back here anymore.’
It’s an unspoken question that Jaejoong carries on his face-why? And it infuriates him to no end when Yunho shrugs carelessly.
‘Nothing. Just don’t come looking for me anymore.’
This time he speaks, eyes flashing dangerously and temper flaring up. A demand. ‘Why?’
‘I’m bored of th-‘
‘Liar, you lov-‘
Jaejoong’s eyes go wide as he pauses mid-sentence.
..love me? Love?
Jaejoong can feel his brain going into overdrive but god, it feels right. It does, and he isn’t going to be able to explain the soaring feeling that he’s having right now.
Yunho’s eyes are, however, closed, and Jaejoong isn’t able to read anything from the hazel orbs.
When they finally open though, Jaejoong wishes that Yunho didn’t. When they are finally opened, the sadness in them feels like a physical blow, and the accompanying bitter quirk of lips another.
‘Well, then, you knew? But I wouldn’t be the one cheating.’
Jaejoong doesn’t know how to reply to that - a statement with no malice, no sarcasm, tinged with wistfulness and simply factual.
And he is rooted as he watches Yunho walk away.
♥♥♥
A/N: Trying out something new. It's raw and inspired by Kesha's Die Young-- so I was just writing and seeing how it went. Some explanations below, just in case it was a little incoherent! As usual, thanks for reading :)
In the first part (Jaejoong’s perspective), he refers to Yunho-they don’t know each other’s names yet.
The constant sounds for Jaejoong refer to his heart beating.
It’s to signify his falling in love with Yunho, but he doesn’t know it, only hears his heart beating fast when Yunho is around.
His secret is his girlfriend.
The constant sounds throughout refer to Yunho’s steps, or the steps he counts.
He’s concerned with the steps because he is always aware of the distance. In actual fact he knows that Jaejoong has a girlfriend and he knows this.. thing between them isn’t lasting.
His love is his secret, btw, if you haven’t realized.