bad mood
ok went over there yesterday. found out i'm much.much more angry about the house bait and switch than i thought i was. that you really want to lash out and hurt them back but you don't
and then spending the next day wanting to cut yourself type angry. not enough to damage just enough to get soime endorphins in your blood.
i'm trying not to be.its just happening.
f says hes still looking and hopeful. i try not to let the thought sneak into my head that hes got himself fooled more than he's ever fooled me.
nothing is ever good enough. if looking at the house he lives in now as a potential home, he would reject it too. he agrees.
so theres absolutely nothing i can do with this very deep wish thats been created in me except kill it.
don't know how to do that without killing the whole relationship :-(
he wants something he'll never find effectively barring any chance of us being tog in a normal way
very confused and sad. should i just break this off? i love him very much, don't want anyone else and don't want to live without him. however, this whole thing has been going on over and over for 5 years and i don't have any chain left on my patience.
i'm 48 years old, don't want to lose him because i love him, i doubt anyone else would be interested in me as i'm overweight, don't want anyone else anyway but don't think i can't deal with this anymore
maybe i should suggest seeing other people in the hopes that there is someone out there?
it would hurt, but i'm hurting now already.