(no subject)
So, i was just reading my last post and I saw how long it's been since I posted my fic over here...lol...I think it's coz noone is commenting so I just assume its not getting read here. But I figure that I'll post what I've done so far...and then the rest as it comes. At least that way my journal will stay active. LOL
CHAPTER SEVEN cont...
The room was large. One of the walls was lined with bookcases, the other a painting between two windows. There was a small bathroom at one end, behind a closed door. And the door to the room was at the other end. Spencer sat at the large rectangular table in the middle of the room and stared into the wood. The two lawyers were talking about her future, about her as if she wasn’t even there. She could feel eyes burning into her, but she didn’t dare meet them. She couldn’t look at Aiden. He wouldn’t let him see that she was still afraid of him. She wouldn’t look at Ashley. She couldn’t stand seeing the pain and fear she knew would be there in her lovers eyes.
“Spencer.” He spoke. His voice was quiet and calm. There was something in his voice that made her forget, just for a second, everything that had happened. “Spencer, will you just look at me?” She did slowly. And what she saw didn’t scare her. She saw Aiden, as he was before her, arm in a sling, but she didn’t see a monster. She saw her friend…and suddenly that scared her. But she didn’t look away. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ashley was slowly sliding her hand toward where Spencer’s rested. The brunette was no longer looking at her. Instead her brown eyes rested on the wooden table. None of this was her fault, not really. And Spencer knew it. The blonde smiled, on the inside where only she could see it. In one fluid motion, Spencer moved her hand and laid it upon the brunette’s. Ashley looked at her, smiling with her eyes, and the blonde squeezed the other girls hand. “I’ve been thinking…I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“For what I did to you.”
“You mean for raping me?”
“See, I don’t think I did.”
“I said no, Aiden.”
“I know. But you had said that to me before and then you came back to me.”
“I was confused and I’ve only ever really wanted one person.” The brunette smiled, knowing that she was that person. “Maybe it was a blow to your ego having me say no to you. But it doesn’t excuse what you did!” Spencer stood up.
“Just know one thing, Spencer. I remember what happened.”
“And what is th-”
“Ashley.” The blonde silenced her girlfriend with her whisper.
“So, my proposal is this. I’ll drop the charges against you, if…”
“I drop them against them against you.”
“You have got to be kidding!” Ashley snapped.
“Ashley, can I speak to you for a moment?” Spencer led the brunette into the bathroom. She shut the door behind her, only to have it re-opened in a second.
“Spencer, as your lawyer, I’m advising you to discuss your actions with me.”
“Ms. Preston, you don’t need to hear this.”
“Spencer…” Ashley whispered the blondes name.
“No, Ashley, you’re the one I want to talk to about this.” She glanced from the lawyer to her girlfriend, and back again. “With all do respect…” Spencer didn’t need to finish her sentence. The red head that was hired to represent her, rolled her eyes and closed the door. She smiled in defeat before turning her attention to the smaller girl.
“Ashley, I think…” Her eyes locked with the brunette’s. Butterflies filled her stomach as she realized what she saw there. Desire. Raw and untamed. She knew that she’d never tire of the effect the older girl had over her. With one look butterflies fluttered in her stomach. With a smile her heart pounded in her chest. With a touch her world rose and crashed down upon her in a wave of desire and love. She felt a hand brush lightly over her arm before resting on her stomach. Her lovers touch sent a shiver down her back. “Ash, we…” This wasn’t what she’d intended to happen. Wanted and needed, yes. But she had to talk to Ashley. She looked down their bodies and saw that they were pressed together. Connecting at every pulse point except where they both yearned to be touched.
“Spence, look at me.” The blonde raised her head but closed her eyes. A hand cupped her face and lips pressed against her own. The kiss was soft and tender, but Spencer knew where it was headed. She pulled away from the brunette. “Ok, so you’re still mad.”
“What?”
“I know I did I bad thing, Spencer. I do. But I did it to protect you. And I’d take it all back if I could just to make you forgive me.”
“Ashley, no.” Spencer shook her head. “That’s not it.”
“Then what? Is it me?”
“You? No.” Spencer moved back to the girl, and took her in her arms. “I shouldn’t have said what I did, Ashley. This isn’t your fault.”
“But I -”
“Were protecting me. I know that. I always did. But I was just mad, and frustrated and I’m sorry I took it out on you.”
“Ok. What are we going to do now?”
“I’m going to accept his deal.”
“What?” The brunette pulled away. “We have a strong case against him, Spencer.”
“And he has a stronger one against you.”
“It’s letting him win.”
“No. It’s just the next step I need to take to protect you.”
“I can’t believe how much knowing me has screwed up your life.”
“What?”
“This wouldn’t have happened…”
“Ashley, don’t do that. No-one ever said this was going to be easy. You didn’t rape me, Aiden did.”
“And by giving him this, you’re letting him win.”
“No.” The taller girl shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. “Why can’t you see why I’m doing this? I’m tired of fighting.”
“So, you’re giving up? He needs to be punished for what he did.”
“And he will be.”
“When he dies and denied entry to heaven? Come on, Spencer.”
“This isn’t your fight, Ashley.”
“Someone has to be willing to fight back.”
“But I did. I did fight back. So hard. I hit him and he won!”
“Spence.” The smaller girl whispered. She took a step forward and wrapped her arms around Spencer. “You’re the strongest person I know. And if you want to do this, I’ll stand with you.”
“Thank you.” The blonde whispered. She took a step back and looked into the chocolate brown eyes for comfort. She et out a sigh of relief when she found it.
“At least if he’s not in jail I can kick his ass again.” Both girls laughed.
“He’s not winning, Ashley.” Spencer’s smile faded.
“Ok.” The girls left the bathroom then. Hand in hand they walked into the large room, faces starring at them. Spencer stopped and held the smaller girl to her. They were both facing Aiden, and the lawyers. No-one said anything. Spencer nodded and a smile spread over Aiden’s face. He stood and headed for the door.
“It’s been nice doing business with you.” Then he slipped into the hall. Ashley pulled away from Spencer and headed for the door.
“Ashley.”
“I just want a word with him. I’ll be on my best behavior, I promise.”
Once in the hall, it only took a second for Ashley to find and catch up with Aiden. “So, why’d you do it?”
“Drop the charges?”
“No.”
“She’s never said no to you has she.”
“Yes, she has.”
“Does it tear at you? Does it make you go crazy because all you want is to make her feel the way she makes you feel.”
“Aiden, what are you saying?” But she already knew. Aiden was in love with Spencer. But who could blame him? The brunette thought to herself.
“I’m saying…it’s a really good thing you have self control. Might’ve been your arm in this sling.” He turned and headed away from her. He stopped mid stride and faced her again. “Ashley, I am sorry for everything I’ve done. I know you don’t believe me. I know that if it was up to you, they’d be putting a sponge on my head.”
“A dry one.”
“Don’t let her go.”
“I won’t.” And just like that he was gone. Leaving Ashley to stand, in the crowded hallway, alone.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Hand in hand, the two girls entered the large, quiet house. Spencer dropped her bag to the floor. “Guys, I’m- ” The blonde started.
“Spence.” She faced the other girl. “I should go.”
“Why?”
“Because this should be time for you and your family.”
“I don’t want you to leave, Ash.” The brunette smiled.
“Ok.”
“Spencer is that- ” Paula’s voice came from the next room. The younger girl’s mother appeared in the doorway. “Oh, my God, it is you!” She ran to her daughter. Tearing her hand from Ashley’s, Paula pulled Spencer into her arms. The older woman called out, and one by one the rest of the Carlin’s entered the room. Each of them grabbed and pulled the young blonde in a different direction. Spencer hugged each of them and smiled weakly, trying to answer whatever questions they threw at her. Ashley watched on and smiled to herself. She’d done everything she could to save her girlfriend. Although, it was ultimately Spencer’s decision to accept Aiden’s deal, Ashley had done her best. She had helped, right? She’d done everything. And now here she was. Safe and happy with her family. Yes, she’d saved the blonde, but at what cost? Paula approached the brunette.
“Listen, Ashley,: Here it comes, she thought to herself. “I want to thank you for everything you’ve done.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“I mean, it was you who got her into this mess to begin with.”
“What?”
“I talked with Aiden.”
“So that’s why he made the deal.”
“You had your way of saving my daughter, I had my own.”
“Are you going to tell her?”
“He’s a good boy, Ashley.” Paula said, ignoring the brunette.
“He raped her.”
“And he wants a chance to make up for it.”
“This isn’t about Aiden, is it? It’s about me.”
“It’s about what is best for Spencer.”
“And the possibility that it’s me hasn’t once entered your mind, has it?”
“Look at what being your friend has put her through.”
“I’m her girlfriend, Paula. And it honestly doesn’t matter if you don’t approve, because we love each other. And that’s what matters.”
“We’ll see.”
“I would never do anything to hurt Spencer.”
“You don’t think you’re hurting her?”
“We have a very open relationship. If something was wrong, she’d tell me.”
“Maybe you should listen to what she’s not saying.”
Spencer turned her head, her eyes searching for Ashley. When her eyes fell upon where the brunette had been standing only moments earlier, an unsettling feeling pushed its way into her stomach. Ashley was no longer there. Only Paula stood near the door, smiling. Spencer closed her eyes as she heard a car speed down the road. There was a chance that it wasn’t Ashley, but something told the blonde that it was. A tightening feeling on Spencer’s heart told her it was the brunette who had sped down the road, away from Paula, away from the Carlin house and away from Spencer. The blonde pulled away from her families clinging arms.
“Spencer, honey, are you ok?” Arthur asked, concern suddenly overpowering the joy in his voice.
“Yeah, I…I’m just tired. I’m going to go lie down for a little while.”
“Ok.” Spencer headed up the stairs. She wasn’t even at her bedroom, when she heard someone follow her.
Spencer watched her mother stop at the top of the stairs. “I really wish Ashley stayed. I could’ve cooked a special mean for your home coming and to thank her.”
“Pfft…right.” Spencer rolled her eyes and walked into her bedroom.
“I really mean it.” Paula was hot on her heals. It only took a second and the older woman was in the blonde’s bedroom.
“No, you don’t.”
“Spencer…”
“Mum…” The blonde faced her mother. “You wouldn’t have pushed her until she left if you’d wanted her to stay.”
“Maybe she need some time think about things.”
“Oh, my God, what did you say?”
“What makes you think I said anything?”
“Because you’re my mother. And because you’d say anything to push her away and keep us apart.”
“It’s not natural, Spencer.”
“Here we go again. We’ve been over this!”
“And my feelings haven’t changed.”
“And neither have mine! When are you going to see this isn’t just a phase? I’m in - ”
“Don’t say it.”
“Love with her!”
“And you think she feels the same?”
“I know she does.”
“How?” Spencer opened her mouth to reply, but Paula cut her off. “Wouldn’t she be here if she did?”
“She was probably scared of being in the same room with you.”
“Are you going to fight with everything I say?” To this, Spencer said nothing. It wasn’t that she didn’t have anything to say, it was just that she was tired. She didn’t want to fight with her mother. She only wanted Paula to be happy for her. Spencer had found true love. Would it last forever? The blonde didn’t know. There was no way for anyone to be certain of something like that. But one thing Spencer was certain of, was the feelings she got when was with Ashley, or talking to or about Ashley or thinking about Ashley. The feelings that told her they belonged together.
Spencer dropped onto her bed. Paula was beside her in a second. “Honey, I tried to get used to this. I tried to be ok with it. But I can’t. It’s not the way it’s meant to be.”
“I love her, mum.” Spencer sighed.
“I think it’s friendship. Maybe Ashley realised the same thing.”
“It’s not though. The way I feel for her -”
“Is wrong.”
“Just because you don’t agree with something, doesn’t make it wrong.”
“If you choose to be with her, to continue this…you’ll walk that path alone.”
“You kick me out if I don’t end it?”
“Take it however you want, Spencer. But I’m pretty sure Ashley isn’t the only one with a lot of thinking to do.” Then Paula was gone. Leaving Spencer alone with only her thoughts to hold onto. She fell back against the mattress. Her decision was made, but she was too tired to move. She would sleep for a moment before tearing herself in two.
CHAPTER NINE
Sleep definitely wasn’t the best thing for Spencer to do. Her dreams weren’t kind to her anymore. But then again, reality wasn’t being much of a friend lately either.
She’d let herself into the large house. And now she was at the top of the stairs, making her way down the large, long hallway. With every step she took, her destination only seemed to get further away. She stopped, faced the door, and let out the breath she didn’t realise she was holding. She raised her hand to knock, but the wooden door swung open before she could touch it.
“Spencer!” The blonde was pulled into a fiery kiss. “Baby, you know you never have to knock.” The brunette grabbed Spencer’s hand and pulled her into the room. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?”
“I…um…” She knew what she had to say, but the words weren’t coming. It was as if part of her locked them up and threw away the key. Ashley moved her eyes to the overnight bag the hung from Spencer’s shoulder.
“Spending the night? How presumptuous of you.” Ashley chuckled and Spencer’s eyes dropped to the bag at her side. “I’m surprised your mother let you out of the house.” The blonde lifted her head and her eyes locked with Ashley’s.
“I have to go.”
“But you just got here.”
“Yeah, I know.” Spencer slowly nodded before spinning around and heading out the door and down the hall. Ashley wasn’t far behind. She called out for the blonde to stop, but Spencer wouldn’t listen. She continued to move through the house. She finally stopped when she was outside. The front door closed, separating her from everything she wanted, she leaned against the wood and closed her eyes. The thing she longed for was on the other side of the door. And she was hers. All the blonde needed to do was reach out and take her. After all, isn’t that the reason that she’d packed her bag and written the long letter to her parents? But why then was she feeling so much pain and disgust in herself? Her eyes shot open as the door behind her seemed to fall away. She spun around and saw Ashley, her chocolate eyes filled with confusion.
“Spencer?” The blonde had no words for that moment. She placed her hands on Ashley’s face and crashed their lips together. Ashley’s hands moved to cover Spencer’s. The kiss was a lot of things, fast and fiery, it was not. It was slow and filled with emotions strong enough to bring a grown man to his knees. Ashley could taste the salt of Spencer’s tears. She pulled away. Brown eyes met blue and locked. “Baby, what is it?” Ashley whipped the blonde’s tears with her thumbs.
“Ash…”
“Did your mum say something? I had a feeling she wouldn’t be happy with it, but it’ll be ok. We’ll get through it together.” Spencer slowly nodded.
“Ashley.” She finally managed to whisper.
“Oh.” The brunette took a few steps backwards. “You’re not here to work things out, are you?”
“There’s nothing to work out.” And there wasn’t. They hadn’t had a fight. Everything was great between the girls. In fact, on any day before this one, the word PERFECT would describe it…perfectly.
“You’re right.” Ashley nodded. “I guess it’s not just the case you’re giving up on.”
“That’s not fair, Ashley. They are my family. You can’t ask me to choose.”
“I don’t remember it being me who asked you to do that.”
“They’re my family.”
“So you keep saying. They’re your family, so you can’t walk away from them.”
“But I am.” For a moment, the brunette’s heart filled with hope. Spencer had chosen her. No-one had ever been will to sacrifice anything for her before.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” The blonde whispered. Ashley smiled from ear to ear and rushed to the blonde, pulling her into her arms.
“I’m…” the rest of Spencer’s sentence seemed to fade away as Ashley breathed the other girl in.
“What?” She pulled back slightly.
“I’m going back.”
“To your house? To get your things? Right. You can bring it all here. Or…we could just buy you all new things.”
“To Ohio.” And there it was. The two words that were like a knife to her heart.
“I don’t…I don’t understand.” Ashley let her arms fall to her side.
“Ashley, I couldn’t make the decision. If I couldn’t have both…”
“You didn’t want either.”
“It’s not about want. I don’t even know what it’s about. All I know is that my head and my heart are telling me two different things. I just need time.”
“Ok.” The brunette nodded. As they stood, eyes locked, an unnerving silence crept into the room. There were no more words needed. Both of them understood what the silence screamed at them. This wasn’t about want or need. It wasn’t even about time. It was about goodbye.
CHAPTER TEN
The pain shot through her body as she was shoved against the wall. It was only a second before their bodies were pressed together again. Teeth nipped and tongues licked as mouths explored mouths and necks and ears. Hands pushed into perfect blonde locks. Stomachs tightened as moans travelled up hoarse throats and escaped through swollen lips. The brunette slid her thigh between the other girl’s legs. Forcefully, she lifted her leg up, making the blonde arch her back.
“Baby, you were crazy to want to leave this.”
“It wasn’t about want.” The brunette nipped at her neck. “I’ll never not want this. Or you.” The blonde closed her eyes and moaned. “Ash…” Lips crashed into lips. Tongues slid against each other, fighting for dominance. Ashley’s mouth left Spencer’s and returned to her neck. “Ash…”
“You taste so good, Ma…” The rest of the word was muffled as Ashley kissed into Spencer’s neck. Spencer opened her eyes. It had to be a mistake.
“What did you-” She turned her head down, but Ashley was no longer there. Instead she was on a bed in the middle of the room. And she wasn’t alone. “Ashley?” The blonde slowly made her way toward the bed. The other girl’s face was blocked by Ashley’s arm, but Spencer knew who it was. She wanted to be wrong. With everything inside of her she prayed that she was wrong. But something screamed at her that she wasn’t.
“I’ve been so happy since she left.” Ashley said against the other girl’s mouth.
“Yeah?”
“I’ve never been so happy.” The girl beneath Ashley rolled them over.
“Ashley, what are you doing?” Spencer voice filled with the pain that she felt in her heart. The other girls face was still blocked. That is until Ashley pushed her hair back. “Oh, my God.” A hand flew to cover her mouth as both girls looked at her.
“Spencer, how long have you been there?” The girl on top asked, smiling wickedly.
“You remember Madison, right?” Tears streamed down Spencer’s face. She shook her head, willing to was from the nightmare. It had to be a nightmare. It just had to be. And she needed to wake up. But she couldn’t. Nor could she tear her eyes away from the bodies moving against each other. The image made her sick to her stomach. She felt it making it’s way up her throat.
“I’m coming.” One of the girls screamed. Spencer didn’t know who it was. Nor did she care. Their screams and moans had started to sound exactly the same.
“I’m coming.” It came again. Spencer held her hand to her stomach, still unable to tear her eyes away. The girls were coming, fast, much like the bile in her throat.
“Agh…”
“Oh, my God.”
Spencer opened her mouth to scream but no words came out, just the contents of her stomach and
Her body shot into an upright position. She touched her hand to her damp forehead. “Damn it, Spencer.” She cursed herself softly.
“Are you ok, honey?” She turned her head and looked down at the person lying beside her.
“Yeah. It was just a bad dream.”
“You seem to be having them a lot lately.” Every night for the past three years, she thought.
“It’s ok. I’m going to get up and start packing anyway.”
“Want some help?”
“No, it’s ok. You sleep.” She leaned down and kissed a sweaty forehead, before climbing out of bed.
CHAPTER TEN cont
“Spencer.” The familiar voice sounded from the bedroom.
“Yeah?”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m just about to jump in the shower.”
“Want me to join you? We could wash-”
“No.” She paused for a moment. Had she said that too fast? “Um, thanks anyway.” Looking at her reflection, she rolled her eyes.
“Spencer?” She heard footsteps approaching the bathroom and ran to lock it.
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
“I was just wondering, you’re not having second thoughts are you?”
“What? No, of course not.”
“So, that’s not what you’re nightmare’s have been about?”
“No!” Again, too fast. She sighed before slowly opening the door. “Look, Kade, I wouldn’t have said yes If I didn’t wasn’t sure.”
“So, no second thoughts?”
“No.” Spencer shook her head.
“You still want to marry me?”
“Of course.” She smiled.
“Ok. You shower. I’ll finish packing.”
“Ok.” Spencer nodded and closed the door again. She turned back and looked at her reflection.
“I can’t wait to see your family again.”
“They can’t wait to see you.” She called. Then in a much lower voice, she added, “They just love you.” Rolling her eyes again, she walked to the shower.
“Ok, so we’re nearly there. Should we hit the hotel first, or stop at your parents.”
“The hotel.” Too fast! Damn, Spencer, what is it with you? She scolded herself. “I just mean, I told them we’d settle in first.”
“Are you trying to put off seeing them? I know it’s been a while, but-”
“No, I’m not. Really…it’s just…I kinda am.” She chuckled. “It’s just going to be weird being h - back in L.A.”
“How long has it been now?”
“Two years eleven months and twenty days.” She smiled weakly. “But who’s counting?”
“It’s ok to be nervous, Spencer. But they’ve already met me.”
“Yeah, and they just love you.”
“Well, can you blame them?”
“No, but it will be easier when I can stop paying them.”
“Oh, oh…that was harsh. That hurt.” They both laughed. “It’ll be alright, Spencer.” Kade reached over and grabbed her hand. Squeezing it, he added, “Well, this is it.” The car pulled to a stop. The engine was switched off and Spence’s finance was now standing in front of the car. Still, Spencer made no attempt to release her seatbelt. She just stared at the building in front of her.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Wow. This is amazing.” Kade walked to the door and opened it for Spencer. “I can’t wait to see the rooms.”
“Yeah.” Was all she could say. She suddenly felt weak. Unable to move by herself, but carried by some force. If she could move the way she wanted, she’d have run in the other direction. Kade grabbed Spencer’s hand and led the blonde through the front door of the building.
There was a long counter to one side. Paintings hung on the opposite wall. And there was a large staircase toward the back. They stopped at the counter and Kade pushed the bell. Three times. Spencer snapped her head and glared.
“I’ve always wanted to do that.”
“Well, now you have.” She closed her eyes tightly.
“Honey, are you ok?” Without opening them, she nodded.
“You must be the Kade Enright party.” The familiar female voice rang in Spencer’s ears.
“Actually it’s pronounce Kade...like Jake…not Kad-ee.”
“Right. Sorry.”
“Everyone makes that mistake seeing my name on paper. But honestly, can you imagine a guy like me having a girl name? Or a guy at all having a girl name?”
“I’m sure it’s happened.” There was silence for a moment. Spencer sighed, hoping that she’d died. “How are you, Spencer?” Guess not. She opened her eyes and turned her head.
“I’m fine, Ashley. How are you?”
“Great.”
“Great.”
“You two know each other?” Kade asked, slightly confused by the sudden awkward tension.
“We did once.” Ashley handed Kade the key to his and Spencer’s room.
“It was a long time ago.” Spencer grabbed Kade’s hand and started for the stairs.
“If you need to know where anything is just-”
“I remember!” Spencer called over her shoulder.
“I hope you enjoy your stay.” Ashley called back.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“Here it is.” Kade pushed the key into the lock and swung open the door. “Wow!” Spencer was silent when she walked in. She eyed the number on the door. 307. She was sure that she’d been in every room of the house, but she didn’t think there were that many. Maybe Ashley had had the house expanded when she’d decided to turn it into a bed and breakfast. It didn’t look and bigger.
And who the hell just turns their house into a bed and breakfast?
Ashley was a very private person. She liked her privacy. Spencer knew that. So, why had she opened her house to complete strangers? Wait a second, Spencer thought.
This is Ashley. It’s what she did. Only it was different this time, right? Yeah, of course it was. It was a business.
She sighed. It wasn’t really different at all because no matter how she looked at it, the blonde still cared.
“Earth to Spencer” She was snapped out of her thoughts by the male voice.
“Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“Right.” Kade glanced out the window before walking and dropping their bags onto the bed. “This place is amazing.”
“Yeah, I know.” She sighed.
“So, I felt a little awkwardness down stairs. Or was that just me?”
Of course it was just you, Spencer thought. Because it would take 100 nuclear missiles to even put a dint into the tension I felt.
“It’s a long story.”
“So, were you guys like-”
“Friends. We were just friends.”
“Have a fight before you left?”
“Not exactly.”
“Oh, did you leave without telling her you were going?”
“No.”
“Did she do that best friend thing and ask you to stay but you didn’t and now there’s resentment?”
“No!” Her voice was high this time. Not quite a scream, but still showed signs of anger and frustration. “I mean,” Spencer sighed and lowered her voice. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Ok.” Kade smiled.
“It was a long time ago. I’ve forgotten all about it.” She lied. “And I’m sure Ashley has too.”
“What the hell is she doing here?” Ashley screamed into her phone. “Don’t tell me to calm down!”
“Maybe she has her reasons for coming back.”
“Yeah, like what? Parading her new life in front of me?”
“It might not be about you.”
“I know, it’s just…”
“Shouldn’t you just want happiness for the person you love?”
“I do want her to be happy. But I don’t love her anymore.”
“Of course you don’t, Ashley.”
“Put my sister on the phone.” There was silence for a moment.
“Yeah?”
“Kyla, I need a favour.”
“I’m not doing anything illegal.”
“It’s nothing like that. I just need you to come down for a while.”
“Ash…”
“Please. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”
“Ok. Just give me two or three days to sort a few things out then I’ll be at your disposal.”
“Thank you.” There was a knock on the door. The door slowly opened and Spencer entered Ashley’s office. “I got to go.” Ashley hung the phone up.
“I hope I’m not interrupting.”
“Not at all. What’s up? You want to change rooms?”
“No. The room is fine. The room is great. I don’t remember this place being so big.”
“Huh?”
“The room number is 307. I don’t remember there being that many rooms.”
“There aren’t. I just picked a bunch of random numbers.”
“Oh.” The awkward silence started to creep into the room.
“So, what did you want?”
“I just wanted…I wanted…I didn’t know we were coming here.” Ashley nodded, slowly. She stood, never taking her eyes from the blue ones starring back.
“Would you have still come if you had known?”
“I don’t know. Probably not.” The words were a lie and both girls knew it. But they still cut through their hearts like a knife through butter.
“If that was it…” The brunette moved to the filing cabinet and slid open the top draw.
“No, I…” I missed you. Why couldn’t she say it? Three little words. She’s said them to people in the passed. She would say them to her family at dinner later that night. But they’d never hold such a strong feeling as they did for Ashley. “That was it.” Spencer turned around and started to leave.
“He seems nice.” The blonde spun back so fast that she was sure she’s be suffering from whiplash later.
“Who?” Spencer mentally smacked herself. “Oh, Kade. He is. I’m sure you guys would get along.”
“Yeah, wed have heaps to talk about.” Ashley smirked.
“Yeah? Like what?”
“Put us in a room together and find out.”
“Wha-? Oh. OH!” Spencer grinned. “Same dirty minded Ashley that we all know and love.” Oh, god. Did I just say that out loud? “Um, so why the bed and breakfast?”
“Well, everyone knows how much I love opening my house to strangers. This way I get paid for it.” Ashley chuckled. Her smile quickly faded when she saw that Spencer wasn’t amused. “When dad died he left the house to my mother. When she passed away, I got it.”
“I’m sorry, Ashley. I didn’t know.”
“Well, a lot happened after you left. You weren’t here, I didn’t expect you to know.” Her words were harsh. And part of her had meant them to be. The part of her that still held a grudge against Spencer for walking out. But part of her wanted to run and hold the blonde in her arms. “Plus, I could never stay away from here for too long.”
“Because you grew up here.”
“That. And there are just too many memories.”
“I know what you mean.” Spencer searched her head for something else to say, but it was too late. The silence was there. It engulfed the room entirely, leaving it’s occupants to stare into each other. “I should go.” The blonde spun around. Ashley rested her hand on the draw and breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Spence?”
“Yeah?” She stopped and faced Ashley.
“You look good.” The blonde smiled.
“You too.” Spencer nodded slowly before turning around and walking away. Ashley sighed. Maybe having Spencer around wasn’t going to be as hard as she thought. Using one hand she closed the draw. She clamped her eyes shut as pain shot from her hand, up her arm and exploded into her head.
“Shit!” She yelled, ripped her hand from the draw and cradling it with the other.
Yeah, she’s no distraction to you anymore.
Her inner voice laughed.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The rest of the afternoon dragged. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Spencer showered, dressed and met Kade at the car. Her mind was only on one thing, which had made the shower excruciatingly lonely. ‘You look good.’ The words played over and over in her head, each time making her shiver. It wasn’t an invitation for anything more, and Spencer knew that. But hearing Ashley say those words, after all this time…made her heart skip a beat.
The car ride was long. She didn’t want to be going to her parents’ house. Hell, she didn’t even want to be eating dinner. She wanted to…
Stop! You can’t be thinking about that!
Spencer knew the voice in her head was right. She was getting married. And it was only three little words. They weren’t anything more than that. There were a lot of three word phrases that had been passed from one of the girls to the other.
You’re not funny. Stop doing that. I want you. I love you
“Shut up!”
“I would, but I wasn’t actually talking.” The blonde turned her head slowly, realising she’d said it out loud.
“Oh, no, I didn’t mean you.” She smiled weakly.
What else have I said out loud?
“Is everything ok, Spencer?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
“I don’t know. You just seem quieter than usual.”
“I’m fine.” Then they were there. And Spencer was standing in front of the car, watching her family emerge from the two story house. Her mother was there first, arms wrapped tightly around her daughter.
“Spencer, we missed you.”
“I…I…missed you too.”
So, you can say it to the woman that caused you a lot of pain three years ago but not to the woman you caused a lot of pain. Nice move…NOT!
She knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But the blonde was determined to make it through the night without listening to the voice in her head. After all, that is how she’d made it this far, right?
Yeah, that is how you got yourself into this mess!
“Spencer.” Arthur was there in a second. Spencer held her father close to her. Closing her eyes against his shoulder, she pictured herself with a bleeding knee the day she’d fallen off her bike. He’d been the one to clean it and get her to ride again. He’d saved her countless times. But he didn’t save her the day she’d needed saving. No-one had. He hadn’t even been there. Spencer wondered for a moment if he knew why she went back to Ohio. “How’s life back home?”
“It’s been…Ohio is great, Dad. How have you been?” Arthur opened his mouth but was interrupted by Paula.
“Spencer, we really need to start planning your wedding.”
“There is plenty of time, mum.”
“No, there is a month, Spencer. That isn’t long at all.” Spencer sighed. Her mother was right. A month wasn’t long to plan a wedding. In fact, it hardly seemed long enough. Maybe they could postpone the wedding.
Yeah, that’s just what we need! Any particular reason for that? I’ll give you one…
“No!” Spencer said a louder than she’d intended. The talking stopped and everyone faced her. “I mean, no, you’re right. We should start planning this as soon as possible. Like now. Now is good.” Spencer pulled away from her father and walked inside, alongside her mother.
“So, I met one of Spencer’s friends today.” The blonde could hear Kade talking with her brothers.
“Yeah? Which one?”
“Ashley, I think her name is.” There was silence for a moment. “Hey, honey, it was Ashley, right?”
“Yeah.” Spencer nodded slowly, without turning to look at them.
“You met Ashley?” Glen asked. “What did you think?”
“She seems nice.”
“Yeah for someone who-”
“Glen!” Spencer spun around.
“We’re staying at her place.”
“Really?” He smirked. Glen was enjoying this.
“Yeah. She has a beautiful house.”
“You should get Spencer to give you a tour of the rest of the house. I’m sure there isn’t a room in that house she hasn’t seen.” He was enjoying it a bit too much. But what could Spencer do? How would she explain being so defensive about her past with Ashley?
You could always tell him!
There was that little annoying voice again. It was right. She could tell him. But why bother? She’d be getting married to him in a month. And then they could go back to Ohio and forget all about L.A. and Ashley Davies.
“You think Ashley would mind you giving me a tour?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t even remember where half of the stuff is.”
“Ok.” Spencer slowly turned back to the pile of paper in front of her.
You’re a liar Spencer Carlin. You remember everything about that house. And about who owns it.
Ignoring the voice in her head would prove to be harder than she thought. And what made it harder was that she knew it was right.
~~
Spencer stood in the waiting area just by the front desk of the bed and breakfast. The night had dragged on forever and she was glad it was over. She leant against the desk and stared into the back office. Into Ashley’s office. The brunette was sitting there. Spencer couldn’t see what she was doing, but she could see Ashley. She watched the brunette lean back in her chair and point toward the other side of the room. Spencer couldn’t see, but when music drifted into her ears, she knew it was the stereo.
A hundred days had made me older
since the last time that I've saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face
Spencer closed her eyes and let the words wash over her. She’d always thought it was such a cliché for a song to match the feelings of someone in a movie or television show. That didn’t happen in real life. But here it was.
I’m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
She felt a set of arms slid around her waste and a presence settle behind her. A set of lips brushed against her ear and she opened her eyes.
Everything I know,
and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
Her blue eyes met and locked with deep brown ones. It was all she could see. Deep, chocolate eyes that were full of…full of emotion. The arms moved slightly against her skin and words were whispered against her ear. She didn’t know what they were, but they made everything else come into focus. She could see Kade’s reflection in the glass. The glass that separated Spencer from Ashley. The brunette tore her eyes away first.
And when the last one falls,
When it’s all said and done
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
“And tonight girl it’s only you and me”
“You like this song, Spencer?” The male voice sounded in her ears. She nodded slowly, but her eyes didn’t move. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
“Ok.” She closed her eyes tightly as she felt Kade tangle their hands together.
“You should sing more often.”
“No, I’m not the singing one.” Spencer opened her eyes when images of Ashley singing to her flashed in her head.
“Ok.” They walked up the stairs, hand in hand, in silence.
CHAPTER SEVEN cont...
The room was large. One of the walls was lined with bookcases, the other a painting between two windows. There was a small bathroom at one end, behind a closed door. And the door to the room was at the other end. Spencer sat at the large rectangular table in the middle of the room and stared into the wood. The two lawyers were talking about her future, about her as if she wasn’t even there. She could feel eyes burning into her, but she didn’t dare meet them. She couldn’t look at Aiden. He wouldn’t let him see that she was still afraid of him. She wouldn’t look at Ashley. She couldn’t stand seeing the pain and fear she knew would be there in her lovers eyes.
“Spencer.” He spoke. His voice was quiet and calm. There was something in his voice that made her forget, just for a second, everything that had happened. “Spencer, will you just look at me?” She did slowly. And what she saw didn’t scare her. She saw Aiden, as he was before her, arm in a sling, but she didn’t see a monster. She saw her friend…and suddenly that scared her. But she didn’t look away. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ashley was slowly sliding her hand toward where Spencer’s rested. The brunette was no longer looking at her. Instead her brown eyes rested on the wooden table. None of this was her fault, not really. And Spencer knew it. The blonde smiled, on the inside where only she could see it. In one fluid motion, Spencer moved her hand and laid it upon the brunette’s. Ashley looked at her, smiling with her eyes, and the blonde squeezed the other girls hand. “I’ve been thinking…I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“For what I did to you.”
“You mean for raping me?”
“See, I don’t think I did.”
“I said no, Aiden.”
“I know. But you had said that to me before and then you came back to me.”
“I was confused and I’ve only ever really wanted one person.” The brunette smiled, knowing that she was that person. “Maybe it was a blow to your ego having me say no to you. But it doesn’t excuse what you did!” Spencer stood up.
“Just know one thing, Spencer. I remember what happened.”
“And what is th-”
“Ashley.” The blonde silenced her girlfriend with her whisper.
“So, my proposal is this. I’ll drop the charges against you, if…”
“I drop them against them against you.”
“You have got to be kidding!” Ashley snapped.
“Ashley, can I speak to you for a moment?” Spencer led the brunette into the bathroom. She shut the door behind her, only to have it re-opened in a second.
“Spencer, as your lawyer, I’m advising you to discuss your actions with me.”
“Ms. Preston, you don’t need to hear this.”
“Spencer…” Ashley whispered the blondes name.
“No, Ashley, you’re the one I want to talk to about this.” She glanced from the lawyer to her girlfriend, and back again. “With all do respect…” Spencer didn’t need to finish her sentence. The red head that was hired to represent her, rolled her eyes and closed the door. She smiled in defeat before turning her attention to the smaller girl.
“Ashley, I think…” Her eyes locked with the brunette’s. Butterflies filled her stomach as she realized what she saw there. Desire. Raw and untamed. She knew that she’d never tire of the effect the older girl had over her. With one look butterflies fluttered in her stomach. With a smile her heart pounded in her chest. With a touch her world rose and crashed down upon her in a wave of desire and love. She felt a hand brush lightly over her arm before resting on her stomach. Her lovers touch sent a shiver down her back. “Ash, we…” This wasn’t what she’d intended to happen. Wanted and needed, yes. But she had to talk to Ashley. She looked down their bodies and saw that they were pressed together. Connecting at every pulse point except where they both yearned to be touched.
“Spence, look at me.” The blonde raised her head but closed her eyes. A hand cupped her face and lips pressed against her own. The kiss was soft and tender, but Spencer knew where it was headed. She pulled away from the brunette. “Ok, so you’re still mad.”
“What?”
“I know I did I bad thing, Spencer. I do. But I did it to protect you. And I’d take it all back if I could just to make you forgive me.”
“Ashley, no.” Spencer shook her head. “That’s not it.”
“Then what? Is it me?”
“You? No.” Spencer moved back to the girl, and took her in her arms. “I shouldn’t have said what I did, Ashley. This isn’t your fault.”
“But I -”
“Were protecting me. I know that. I always did. But I was just mad, and frustrated and I’m sorry I took it out on you.”
“Ok. What are we going to do now?”
“I’m going to accept his deal.”
“What?” The brunette pulled away. “We have a strong case against him, Spencer.”
“And he has a stronger one against you.”
“It’s letting him win.”
“No. It’s just the next step I need to take to protect you.”
“I can’t believe how much knowing me has screwed up your life.”
“What?”
“This wouldn’t have happened…”
“Ashley, don’t do that. No-one ever said this was going to be easy. You didn’t rape me, Aiden did.”
“And by giving him this, you’re letting him win.”
“No.” The taller girl shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. “Why can’t you see why I’m doing this? I’m tired of fighting.”
“So, you’re giving up? He needs to be punished for what he did.”
“And he will be.”
“When he dies and denied entry to heaven? Come on, Spencer.”
“This isn’t your fight, Ashley.”
“Someone has to be willing to fight back.”
“But I did. I did fight back. So hard. I hit him and he won!”
“Spence.” The smaller girl whispered. She took a step forward and wrapped her arms around Spencer. “You’re the strongest person I know. And if you want to do this, I’ll stand with you.”
“Thank you.” The blonde whispered. She took a step back and looked into the chocolate brown eyes for comfort. She et out a sigh of relief when she found it.
“At least if he’s not in jail I can kick his ass again.” Both girls laughed.
“He’s not winning, Ashley.” Spencer’s smile faded.
“Ok.” The girls left the bathroom then. Hand in hand they walked into the large room, faces starring at them. Spencer stopped and held the smaller girl to her. They were both facing Aiden, and the lawyers. No-one said anything. Spencer nodded and a smile spread over Aiden’s face. He stood and headed for the door.
“It’s been nice doing business with you.” Then he slipped into the hall. Ashley pulled away from Spencer and headed for the door.
“Ashley.”
“I just want a word with him. I’ll be on my best behavior, I promise.”
Once in the hall, it only took a second for Ashley to find and catch up with Aiden. “So, why’d you do it?”
“Drop the charges?”
“No.”
“She’s never said no to you has she.”
“Yes, she has.”
“Does it tear at you? Does it make you go crazy because all you want is to make her feel the way she makes you feel.”
“Aiden, what are you saying?” But she already knew. Aiden was in love with Spencer. But who could blame him? The brunette thought to herself.
“I’m saying…it’s a really good thing you have self control. Might’ve been your arm in this sling.” He turned and headed away from her. He stopped mid stride and faced her again. “Ashley, I am sorry for everything I’ve done. I know you don’t believe me. I know that if it was up to you, they’d be putting a sponge on my head.”
“A dry one.”
“Don’t let her go.”
“I won’t.” And just like that he was gone. Leaving Ashley to stand, in the crowded hallway, alone.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Hand in hand, the two girls entered the large, quiet house. Spencer dropped her bag to the floor. “Guys, I’m- ” The blonde started.
“Spence.” She faced the other girl. “I should go.”
“Why?”
“Because this should be time for you and your family.”
“I don’t want you to leave, Ash.” The brunette smiled.
“Ok.”
“Spencer is that- ” Paula’s voice came from the next room. The younger girl’s mother appeared in the doorway. “Oh, my God, it is you!” She ran to her daughter. Tearing her hand from Ashley’s, Paula pulled Spencer into her arms. The older woman called out, and one by one the rest of the Carlin’s entered the room. Each of them grabbed and pulled the young blonde in a different direction. Spencer hugged each of them and smiled weakly, trying to answer whatever questions they threw at her. Ashley watched on and smiled to herself. She’d done everything she could to save her girlfriend. Although, it was ultimately Spencer’s decision to accept Aiden’s deal, Ashley had done her best. She had helped, right? She’d done everything. And now here she was. Safe and happy with her family. Yes, she’d saved the blonde, but at what cost? Paula approached the brunette.
“Listen, Ashley,: Here it comes, she thought to herself. “I want to thank you for everything you’ve done.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“I mean, it was you who got her into this mess to begin with.”
“What?”
“I talked with Aiden.”
“So that’s why he made the deal.”
“You had your way of saving my daughter, I had my own.”
“Are you going to tell her?”
“He’s a good boy, Ashley.” Paula said, ignoring the brunette.
“He raped her.”
“And he wants a chance to make up for it.”
“This isn’t about Aiden, is it? It’s about me.”
“It’s about what is best for Spencer.”
“And the possibility that it’s me hasn’t once entered your mind, has it?”
“Look at what being your friend has put her through.”
“I’m her girlfriend, Paula. And it honestly doesn’t matter if you don’t approve, because we love each other. And that’s what matters.”
“We’ll see.”
“I would never do anything to hurt Spencer.”
“You don’t think you’re hurting her?”
“We have a very open relationship. If something was wrong, she’d tell me.”
“Maybe you should listen to what she’s not saying.”
Spencer turned her head, her eyes searching for Ashley. When her eyes fell upon where the brunette had been standing only moments earlier, an unsettling feeling pushed its way into her stomach. Ashley was no longer there. Only Paula stood near the door, smiling. Spencer closed her eyes as she heard a car speed down the road. There was a chance that it wasn’t Ashley, but something told the blonde that it was. A tightening feeling on Spencer’s heart told her it was the brunette who had sped down the road, away from Paula, away from the Carlin house and away from Spencer. The blonde pulled away from her families clinging arms.
“Spencer, honey, are you ok?” Arthur asked, concern suddenly overpowering the joy in his voice.
“Yeah, I…I’m just tired. I’m going to go lie down for a little while.”
“Ok.” Spencer headed up the stairs. She wasn’t even at her bedroom, when she heard someone follow her.
Spencer watched her mother stop at the top of the stairs. “I really wish Ashley stayed. I could’ve cooked a special mean for your home coming and to thank her.”
“Pfft…right.” Spencer rolled her eyes and walked into her bedroom.
“I really mean it.” Paula was hot on her heals. It only took a second and the older woman was in the blonde’s bedroom.
“No, you don’t.”
“Spencer…”
“Mum…” The blonde faced her mother. “You wouldn’t have pushed her until she left if you’d wanted her to stay.”
“Maybe she need some time think about things.”
“Oh, my God, what did you say?”
“What makes you think I said anything?”
“Because you’re my mother. And because you’d say anything to push her away and keep us apart.”
“It’s not natural, Spencer.”
“Here we go again. We’ve been over this!”
“And my feelings haven’t changed.”
“And neither have mine! When are you going to see this isn’t just a phase? I’m in - ”
“Don’t say it.”
“Love with her!”
“And you think she feels the same?”
“I know she does.”
“How?” Spencer opened her mouth to reply, but Paula cut her off. “Wouldn’t she be here if she did?”
“She was probably scared of being in the same room with you.”
“Are you going to fight with everything I say?” To this, Spencer said nothing. It wasn’t that she didn’t have anything to say, it was just that she was tired. She didn’t want to fight with her mother. She only wanted Paula to be happy for her. Spencer had found true love. Would it last forever? The blonde didn’t know. There was no way for anyone to be certain of something like that. But one thing Spencer was certain of, was the feelings she got when was with Ashley, or talking to or about Ashley or thinking about Ashley. The feelings that told her they belonged together.
Spencer dropped onto her bed. Paula was beside her in a second. “Honey, I tried to get used to this. I tried to be ok with it. But I can’t. It’s not the way it’s meant to be.”
“I love her, mum.” Spencer sighed.
“I think it’s friendship. Maybe Ashley realised the same thing.”
“It’s not though. The way I feel for her -”
“Is wrong.”
“Just because you don’t agree with something, doesn’t make it wrong.”
“If you choose to be with her, to continue this…you’ll walk that path alone.”
“You kick me out if I don’t end it?”
“Take it however you want, Spencer. But I’m pretty sure Ashley isn’t the only one with a lot of thinking to do.” Then Paula was gone. Leaving Spencer alone with only her thoughts to hold onto. She fell back against the mattress. Her decision was made, but she was too tired to move. She would sleep for a moment before tearing herself in two.
CHAPTER NINE
Sleep definitely wasn’t the best thing for Spencer to do. Her dreams weren’t kind to her anymore. But then again, reality wasn’t being much of a friend lately either.
She’d let herself into the large house. And now she was at the top of the stairs, making her way down the large, long hallway. With every step she took, her destination only seemed to get further away. She stopped, faced the door, and let out the breath she didn’t realise she was holding. She raised her hand to knock, but the wooden door swung open before she could touch it.
“Spencer!” The blonde was pulled into a fiery kiss. “Baby, you know you never have to knock.” The brunette grabbed Spencer’s hand and pulled her into the room. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?”
“I…um…” She knew what she had to say, but the words weren’t coming. It was as if part of her locked them up and threw away the key. Ashley moved her eyes to the overnight bag the hung from Spencer’s shoulder.
“Spending the night? How presumptuous of you.” Ashley chuckled and Spencer’s eyes dropped to the bag at her side. “I’m surprised your mother let you out of the house.” The blonde lifted her head and her eyes locked with Ashley’s.
“I have to go.”
“But you just got here.”
“Yeah, I know.” Spencer slowly nodded before spinning around and heading out the door and down the hall. Ashley wasn’t far behind. She called out for the blonde to stop, but Spencer wouldn’t listen. She continued to move through the house. She finally stopped when she was outside. The front door closed, separating her from everything she wanted, she leaned against the wood and closed her eyes. The thing she longed for was on the other side of the door. And she was hers. All the blonde needed to do was reach out and take her. After all, isn’t that the reason that she’d packed her bag and written the long letter to her parents? But why then was she feeling so much pain and disgust in herself? Her eyes shot open as the door behind her seemed to fall away. She spun around and saw Ashley, her chocolate eyes filled with confusion.
“Spencer?” The blonde had no words for that moment. She placed her hands on Ashley’s face and crashed their lips together. Ashley’s hands moved to cover Spencer’s. The kiss was a lot of things, fast and fiery, it was not. It was slow and filled with emotions strong enough to bring a grown man to his knees. Ashley could taste the salt of Spencer’s tears. She pulled away. Brown eyes met blue and locked. “Baby, what is it?” Ashley whipped the blonde’s tears with her thumbs.
“Ash…”
“Did your mum say something? I had a feeling she wouldn’t be happy with it, but it’ll be ok. We’ll get through it together.” Spencer slowly nodded.
“Ashley.” She finally managed to whisper.
“Oh.” The brunette took a few steps backwards. “You’re not here to work things out, are you?”
“There’s nothing to work out.” And there wasn’t. They hadn’t had a fight. Everything was great between the girls. In fact, on any day before this one, the word PERFECT would describe it…perfectly.
“You’re right.” Ashley nodded. “I guess it’s not just the case you’re giving up on.”
“That’s not fair, Ashley. They are my family. You can’t ask me to choose.”
“I don’t remember it being me who asked you to do that.”
“They’re my family.”
“So you keep saying. They’re your family, so you can’t walk away from them.”
“But I am.” For a moment, the brunette’s heart filled with hope. Spencer had chosen her. No-one had ever been will to sacrifice anything for her before.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” The blonde whispered. Ashley smiled from ear to ear and rushed to the blonde, pulling her into her arms.
“I’m…” the rest of Spencer’s sentence seemed to fade away as Ashley breathed the other girl in.
“What?” She pulled back slightly.
“I’m going back.”
“To your house? To get your things? Right. You can bring it all here. Or…we could just buy you all new things.”
“To Ohio.” And there it was. The two words that were like a knife to her heart.
“I don’t…I don’t understand.” Ashley let her arms fall to her side.
“Ashley, I couldn’t make the decision. If I couldn’t have both…”
“You didn’t want either.”
“It’s not about want. I don’t even know what it’s about. All I know is that my head and my heart are telling me two different things. I just need time.”
“Ok.” The brunette nodded. As they stood, eyes locked, an unnerving silence crept into the room. There were no more words needed. Both of them understood what the silence screamed at them. This wasn’t about want or need. It wasn’t even about time. It was about goodbye.
CHAPTER TEN
The pain shot through her body as she was shoved against the wall. It was only a second before their bodies were pressed together again. Teeth nipped and tongues licked as mouths explored mouths and necks and ears. Hands pushed into perfect blonde locks. Stomachs tightened as moans travelled up hoarse throats and escaped through swollen lips. The brunette slid her thigh between the other girl’s legs. Forcefully, she lifted her leg up, making the blonde arch her back.
“Baby, you were crazy to want to leave this.”
“It wasn’t about want.” The brunette nipped at her neck. “I’ll never not want this. Or you.” The blonde closed her eyes and moaned. “Ash…” Lips crashed into lips. Tongues slid against each other, fighting for dominance. Ashley’s mouth left Spencer’s and returned to her neck. “Ash…”
“You taste so good, Ma…” The rest of the word was muffled as Ashley kissed into Spencer’s neck. Spencer opened her eyes. It had to be a mistake.
“What did you-” She turned her head down, but Ashley was no longer there. Instead she was on a bed in the middle of the room. And she wasn’t alone. “Ashley?” The blonde slowly made her way toward the bed. The other girl’s face was blocked by Ashley’s arm, but Spencer knew who it was. She wanted to be wrong. With everything inside of her she prayed that she was wrong. But something screamed at her that she wasn’t.
“I’ve been so happy since she left.” Ashley said against the other girl’s mouth.
“Yeah?”
“I’ve never been so happy.” The girl beneath Ashley rolled them over.
“Ashley, what are you doing?” Spencer voice filled with the pain that she felt in her heart. The other girls face was still blocked. That is until Ashley pushed her hair back. “Oh, my God.” A hand flew to cover her mouth as both girls looked at her.
“Spencer, how long have you been there?” The girl on top asked, smiling wickedly.
“You remember Madison, right?” Tears streamed down Spencer’s face. She shook her head, willing to was from the nightmare. It had to be a nightmare. It just had to be. And she needed to wake up. But she couldn’t. Nor could she tear her eyes away from the bodies moving against each other. The image made her sick to her stomach. She felt it making it’s way up her throat.
“I’m coming.” One of the girls screamed. Spencer didn’t know who it was. Nor did she care. Their screams and moans had started to sound exactly the same.
“I’m coming.” It came again. Spencer held her hand to her stomach, still unable to tear her eyes away. The girls were coming, fast, much like the bile in her throat.
“Agh…”
“Oh, my God.”
Spencer opened her mouth to scream but no words came out, just the contents of her stomach and
Her body shot into an upright position. She touched her hand to her damp forehead. “Damn it, Spencer.” She cursed herself softly.
“Are you ok, honey?” She turned her head and looked down at the person lying beside her.
“Yeah. It was just a bad dream.”
“You seem to be having them a lot lately.” Every night for the past three years, she thought.
“It’s ok. I’m going to get up and start packing anyway.”
“Want some help?”
“No, it’s ok. You sleep.” She leaned down and kissed a sweaty forehead, before climbing out of bed.
CHAPTER TEN cont
“Spencer.” The familiar voice sounded from the bedroom.
“Yeah?”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m just about to jump in the shower.”
“Want me to join you? We could wash-”
“No.” She paused for a moment. Had she said that too fast? “Um, thanks anyway.” Looking at her reflection, she rolled her eyes.
“Spencer?” She heard footsteps approaching the bathroom and ran to lock it.
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
“I was just wondering, you’re not having second thoughts are you?”
“What? No, of course not.”
“So, that’s not what you’re nightmare’s have been about?”
“No!” Again, too fast. She sighed before slowly opening the door. “Look, Kade, I wouldn’t have said yes If I didn’t wasn’t sure.”
“So, no second thoughts?”
“No.” Spencer shook her head.
“You still want to marry me?”
“Of course.” She smiled.
“Ok. You shower. I’ll finish packing.”
“Ok.” Spencer nodded and closed the door again. She turned back and looked at her reflection.
“I can’t wait to see your family again.”
“They can’t wait to see you.” She called. Then in a much lower voice, she added, “They just love you.” Rolling her eyes again, she walked to the shower.
“Ok, so we’re nearly there. Should we hit the hotel first, or stop at your parents.”
“The hotel.” Too fast! Damn, Spencer, what is it with you? She scolded herself. “I just mean, I told them we’d settle in first.”
“Are you trying to put off seeing them? I know it’s been a while, but-”
“No, I’m not. Really…it’s just…I kinda am.” She chuckled. “It’s just going to be weird being h - back in L.A.”
“How long has it been now?”
“Two years eleven months and twenty days.” She smiled weakly. “But who’s counting?”
“It’s ok to be nervous, Spencer. But they’ve already met me.”
“Yeah, and they just love you.”
“Well, can you blame them?”
“No, but it will be easier when I can stop paying them.”
“Oh, oh…that was harsh. That hurt.” They both laughed. “It’ll be alright, Spencer.” Kade reached over and grabbed her hand. Squeezing it, he added, “Well, this is it.” The car pulled to a stop. The engine was switched off and Spence’s finance was now standing in front of the car. Still, Spencer made no attempt to release her seatbelt. She just stared at the building in front of her.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Wow. This is amazing.” Kade walked to the door and opened it for Spencer. “I can’t wait to see the rooms.”
“Yeah.” Was all she could say. She suddenly felt weak. Unable to move by herself, but carried by some force. If she could move the way she wanted, she’d have run in the other direction. Kade grabbed Spencer’s hand and led the blonde through the front door of the building.
There was a long counter to one side. Paintings hung on the opposite wall. And there was a large staircase toward the back. They stopped at the counter and Kade pushed the bell. Three times. Spencer snapped her head and glared.
“I’ve always wanted to do that.”
“Well, now you have.” She closed her eyes tightly.
“Honey, are you ok?” Without opening them, she nodded.
“You must be the Kade Enright party.” The familiar female voice rang in Spencer’s ears.
“Actually it’s pronounce Kade...like Jake…not Kad-ee.”
“Right. Sorry.”
“Everyone makes that mistake seeing my name on paper. But honestly, can you imagine a guy like me having a girl name? Or a guy at all having a girl name?”
“I’m sure it’s happened.” There was silence for a moment. Spencer sighed, hoping that she’d died. “How are you, Spencer?” Guess not. She opened her eyes and turned her head.
“I’m fine, Ashley. How are you?”
“Great.”
“Great.”
“You two know each other?” Kade asked, slightly confused by the sudden awkward tension.
“We did once.” Ashley handed Kade the key to his and Spencer’s room.
“It was a long time ago.” Spencer grabbed Kade’s hand and started for the stairs.
“If you need to know where anything is just-”
“I remember!” Spencer called over her shoulder.
“I hope you enjoy your stay.” Ashley called back.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“Here it is.” Kade pushed the key into the lock and swung open the door. “Wow!” Spencer was silent when she walked in. She eyed the number on the door. 307. She was sure that she’d been in every room of the house, but she didn’t think there were that many. Maybe Ashley had had the house expanded when she’d decided to turn it into a bed and breakfast. It didn’t look and bigger.
And who the hell just turns their house into a bed and breakfast?
Ashley was a very private person. She liked her privacy. Spencer knew that. So, why had she opened her house to complete strangers? Wait a second, Spencer thought.
This is Ashley. It’s what she did. Only it was different this time, right? Yeah, of course it was. It was a business.
She sighed. It wasn’t really different at all because no matter how she looked at it, the blonde still cared.
“Earth to Spencer” She was snapped out of her thoughts by the male voice.
“Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“Right.” Kade glanced out the window before walking and dropping their bags onto the bed. “This place is amazing.”
“Yeah, I know.” She sighed.
“So, I felt a little awkwardness down stairs. Or was that just me?”
Of course it was just you, Spencer thought. Because it would take 100 nuclear missiles to even put a dint into the tension I felt.
“It’s a long story.”
“So, were you guys like-”
“Friends. We were just friends.”
“Have a fight before you left?”
“Not exactly.”
“Oh, did you leave without telling her you were going?”
“No.”
“Did she do that best friend thing and ask you to stay but you didn’t and now there’s resentment?”
“No!” Her voice was high this time. Not quite a scream, but still showed signs of anger and frustration. “I mean,” Spencer sighed and lowered her voice. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Ok.” Kade smiled.
“It was a long time ago. I’ve forgotten all about it.” She lied. “And I’m sure Ashley has too.”
“What the hell is she doing here?” Ashley screamed into her phone. “Don’t tell me to calm down!”
“Maybe she has her reasons for coming back.”
“Yeah, like what? Parading her new life in front of me?”
“It might not be about you.”
“I know, it’s just…”
“Shouldn’t you just want happiness for the person you love?”
“I do want her to be happy. But I don’t love her anymore.”
“Of course you don’t, Ashley.”
“Put my sister on the phone.” There was silence for a moment.
“Yeah?”
“Kyla, I need a favour.”
“I’m not doing anything illegal.”
“It’s nothing like that. I just need you to come down for a while.”
“Ash…”
“Please. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”
“Ok. Just give me two or three days to sort a few things out then I’ll be at your disposal.”
“Thank you.” There was a knock on the door. The door slowly opened and Spencer entered Ashley’s office. “I got to go.” Ashley hung the phone up.
“I hope I’m not interrupting.”
“Not at all. What’s up? You want to change rooms?”
“No. The room is fine. The room is great. I don’t remember this place being so big.”
“Huh?”
“The room number is 307. I don’t remember there being that many rooms.”
“There aren’t. I just picked a bunch of random numbers.”
“Oh.” The awkward silence started to creep into the room.
“So, what did you want?”
“I just wanted…I wanted…I didn’t know we were coming here.” Ashley nodded, slowly. She stood, never taking her eyes from the blue ones starring back.
“Would you have still come if you had known?”
“I don’t know. Probably not.” The words were a lie and both girls knew it. But they still cut through their hearts like a knife through butter.
“If that was it…” The brunette moved to the filing cabinet and slid open the top draw.
“No, I…” I missed you. Why couldn’t she say it? Three little words. She’s said them to people in the passed. She would say them to her family at dinner later that night. But they’d never hold such a strong feeling as they did for Ashley. “That was it.” Spencer turned around and started to leave.
“He seems nice.” The blonde spun back so fast that she was sure she’s be suffering from whiplash later.
“Who?” Spencer mentally smacked herself. “Oh, Kade. He is. I’m sure you guys would get along.”
“Yeah, wed have heaps to talk about.” Ashley smirked.
“Yeah? Like what?”
“Put us in a room together and find out.”
“Wha-? Oh. OH!” Spencer grinned. “Same dirty minded Ashley that we all know and love.” Oh, god. Did I just say that out loud? “Um, so why the bed and breakfast?”
“Well, everyone knows how much I love opening my house to strangers. This way I get paid for it.” Ashley chuckled. Her smile quickly faded when she saw that Spencer wasn’t amused. “When dad died he left the house to my mother. When she passed away, I got it.”
“I’m sorry, Ashley. I didn’t know.”
“Well, a lot happened after you left. You weren’t here, I didn’t expect you to know.” Her words were harsh. And part of her had meant them to be. The part of her that still held a grudge against Spencer for walking out. But part of her wanted to run and hold the blonde in her arms. “Plus, I could never stay away from here for too long.”
“Because you grew up here.”
“That. And there are just too many memories.”
“I know what you mean.” Spencer searched her head for something else to say, but it was too late. The silence was there. It engulfed the room entirely, leaving it’s occupants to stare into each other. “I should go.” The blonde spun around. Ashley rested her hand on the draw and breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Spence?”
“Yeah?” She stopped and faced Ashley.
“You look good.” The blonde smiled.
“You too.” Spencer nodded slowly before turning around and walking away. Ashley sighed. Maybe having Spencer around wasn’t going to be as hard as she thought. Using one hand she closed the draw. She clamped her eyes shut as pain shot from her hand, up her arm and exploded into her head.
“Shit!” She yelled, ripped her hand from the draw and cradling it with the other.
Yeah, she’s no distraction to you anymore.
Her inner voice laughed.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The rest of the afternoon dragged. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Spencer showered, dressed and met Kade at the car. Her mind was only on one thing, which had made the shower excruciatingly lonely. ‘You look good.’ The words played over and over in her head, each time making her shiver. It wasn’t an invitation for anything more, and Spencer knew that. But hearing Ashley say those words, after all this time…made her heart skip a beat.
The car ride was long. She didn’t want to be going to her parents’ house. Hell, she didn’t even want to be eating dinner. She wanted to…
Stop! You can’t be thinking about that!
Spencer knew the voice in her head was right. She was getting married. And it was only three little words. They weren’t anything more than that. There were a lot of three word phrases that had been passed from one of the girls to the other.
You’re not funny. Stop doing that. I want you. I love you
“Shut up!”
“I would, but I wasn’t actually talking.” The blonde turned her head slowly, realising she’d said it out loud.
“Oh, no, I didn’t mean you.” She smiled weakly.
What else have I said out loud?
“Is everything ok, Spencer?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
“I don’t know. You just seem quieter than usual.”
“I’m fine.” Then they were there. And Spencer was standing in front of the car, watching her family emerge from the two story house. Her mother was there first, arms wrapped tightly around her daughter.
“Spencer, we missed you.”
“I…I…missed you too.”
So, you can say it to the woman that caused you a lot of pain three years ago but not to the woman you caused a lot of pain. Nice move…NOT!
She knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But the blonde was determined to make it through the night without listening to the voice in her head. After all, that is how she’d made it this far, right?
Yeah, that is how you got yourself into this mess!
“Spencer.” Arthur was there in a second. Spencer held her father close to her. Closing her eyes against his shoulder, she pictured herself with a bleeding knee the day she’d fallen off her bike. He’d been the one to clean it and get her to ride again. He’d saved her countless times. But he didn’t save her the day she’d needed saving. No-one had. He hadn’t even been there. Spencer wondered for a moment if he knew why she went back to Ohio. “How’s life back home?”
“It’s been…Ohio is great, Dad. How have you been?” Arthur opened his mouth but was interrupted by Paula.
“Spencer, we really need to start planning your wedding.”
“There is plenty of time, mum.”
“No, there is a month, Spencer. That isn’t long at all.” Spencer sighed. Her mother was right. A month wasn’t long to plan a wedding. In fact, it hardly seemed long enough. Maybe they could postpone the wedding.
Yeah, that’s just what we need! Any particular reason for that? I’ll give you one…
“No!” Spencer said a louder than she’d intended. The talking stopped and everyone faced her. “I mean, no, you’re right. We should start planning this as soon as possible. Like now. Now is good.” Spencer pulled away from her father and walked inside, alongside her mother.
“So, I met one of Spencer’s friends today.” The blonde could hear Kade talking with her brothers.
“Yeah? Which one?”
“Ashley, I think her name is.” There was silence for a moment. “Hey, honey, it was Ashley, right?”
“Yeah.” Spencer nodded slowly, without turning to look at them.
“You met Ashley?” Glen asked. “What did you think?”
“She seems nice.”
“Yeah for someone who-”
“Glen!” Spencer spun around.
“We’re staying at her place.”
“Really?” He smirked. Glen was enjoying this.
“Yeah. She has a beautiful house.”
“You should get Spencer to give you a tour of the rest of the house. I’m sure there isn’t a room in that house she hasn’t seen.” He was enjoying it a bit too much. But what could Spencer do? How would she explain being so defensive about her past with Ashley?
You could always tell him!
There was that little annoying voice again. It was right. She could tell him. But why bother? She’d be getting married to him in a month. And then they could go back to Ohio and forget all about L.A. and Ashley Davies.
“You think Ashley would mind you giving me a tour?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t even remember where half of the stuff is.”
“Ok.” Spencer slowly turned back to the pile of paper in front of her.
You’re a liar Spencer Carlin. You remember everything about that house. And about who owns it.
Ignoring the voice in her head would prove to be harder than she thought. And what made it harder was that she knew it was right.
~~
Spencer stood in the waiting area just by the front desk of the bed and breakfast. The night had dragged on forever and she was glad it was over. She leant against the desk and stared into the back office. Into Ashley’s office. The brunette was sitting there. Spencer couldn’t see what she was doing, but she could see Ashley. She watched the brunette lean back in her chair and point toward the other side of the room. Spencer couldn’t see, but when music drifted into her ears, she knew it was the stereo.
A hundred days had made me older
since the last time that I've saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face
Spencer closed her eyes and let the words wash over her. She’d always thought it was such a cliché for a song to match the feelings of someone in a movie or television show. That didn’t happen in real life. But here it was.
I’m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
She felt a set of arms slid around her waste and a presence settle behind her. A set of lips brushed against her ear and she opened her eyes.
Everything I know,
and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
Her blue eyes met and locked with deep brown ones. It was all she could see. Deep, chocolate eyes that were full of…full of emotion. The arms moved slightly against her skin and words were whispered against her ear. She didn’t know what they were, but they made everything else come into focus. She could see Kade’s reflection in the glass. The glass that separated Spencer from Ashley. The brunette tore her eyes away first.
And when the last one falls,
When it’s all said and done
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
“And tonight girl it’s only you and me”
“You like this song, Spencer?” The male voice sounded in her ears. She nodded slowly, but her eyes didn’t move. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
“Ok.” She closed her eyes tightly as she felt Kade tangle their hands together.
“You should sing more often.”
“No, I’m not the singing one.” Spencer opened her eyes when images of Ashley singing to her flashed in her head.
“Ok.” They walked up the stairs, hand in hand, in silence.