(no subject)
ok...so the stuff i forgot to post here was too big for one post...lol
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Spencer spent the following day avoiding Ashley. It was proving to be a lot easier than she first thought. In the end, she figured that the brunette was avoiding her as well. Spencer couldn’t understand how, after so many years, she could still find herself lost in those chocolate eyes.
Maybe you still love her.
“What? No.”
It’s possible.
“Y’know, for a voice in my head, you’re really quite crazy.”
And what does that say about you for talking to me?
“Just shut up!”
“You keep telling me to shut up before I even have a chance to say something and I’m going to start to think you don’t like my voice.” Spencer spun around.
“Kade, you scared me.”
“You were expecting someone else?”
“No. No.” Spencer sighed.
“So, I was thinking.”
“That would be a first.”
“Funny…” Kade slapped Spencer in the arm. “I was thinking maybe you and me…little romantic dinner…tonight.”
“Um…” Was all she could manage to get out. Her head was still stuck on last night. The stare. God, it was intense! But it didn’t mean anything, did it? No. Of course it didn’t.
“Unless you’ve had a better offer.”
“No. It’s sound perfect.” Spencer smiled. Kade leaned in close and lightly kissed her cheek.
“Well, I gotta go. I’ll see you at seven.”
“Ok.” Then he was gone.
***
“Hey, Ashley.” Kade smiled as he emerged from the huge house. He stepped onto the gravel of the parking lot and waved.
“Hey, Kade, right?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. He moved toward the brunette, who was standing at her car. “Heading out?”
“No, just getting home.” She smiled. “You?”
“Yeah, I have a meeting with Arthur.”
“A meeting with Mr. C? Lucky you.” She chuckled.
“What?”
“Nothing. He’s a great guy.”
“Yeah, we’ve met before.”
“Of course you have.”
“I had to get his permission before I asked for his daughter’s hand.” Ashley slowly nodded. “Anyway, I just wanted to say you have an amazing house.”
He tears at your heart like that than gives you a freaking compliment. Who the hell does he think he is?
“Thank you. It’s got a lot of memories in this house. I could never dream of letting it go.”
“Yeah, a lot of memories for Spencer, too I think.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did she say something?”
Pushy much?
“No. She just…I don’t know how to explain it. There’s just a look in her eye when she looks at something she loves. She has that look here.” Kade glanced at his watch. “Ok, I’m running late now. I’ll see you later, Ashley.”
“Bye.” She lifted her hand and gave him a half hearted wave.
****
Ashley walked into the kitchen. She saw Spencer sitting at the counter and suddenly her reason for going into the kitchen was gone. The blonde was looking completely lost and Ashley felt the urge to hold her and give it her all to fix everything. “Spencer, are you ok?”
“Ah, yeah. I was just thinking.”
“About?” Spencer turned and looked at the brunette.
“The wedding.”
“My invitation must have been lost.”
“Actually I didn’t invite you.”
“Yeah, I got that. Ashley smiled and moved to the fridge.
“That was…I’m sorry.” Ashley grabbed a bottle of water from the top shelf and closed the door.
“No, it’s your wedding. You can invite whoever you want.” She headed toward the door.
“I didn’t invite you because- ” Spinning around, Ashley held up her hand. Spencer fell silent immediately.
“I don’t really want to know.” The blonde lowered her eyes to the floor.
Yes you do!
“Can I ask you a question?” Ashley moved across the room and stood beside her. “Does he make you happy?”
“I don’t really think that’s any of your business!”
“It was only a quest- Oh my, God.”
“What?”
“You thought I meant…”
“You didn’t?”
“No.” Ashley shook her head and smiled. Spencer blushed. “If I was asking that…” Ashley placed her bottle on the counter and locked her eyes with Spencer’s. “I’d lean in close like this,” Their faces were only centimetres apart. “And I’d put my hand,” Ashley slowly rested her hand on Spencer’s thigh. “Here. And then I’d whisper…” She moved her mouth to the blonde’s ear. “Does he make you as happy as I did?”
Spencer bit her lower lip in an attempt to silence the moan that was threatening to escape. It didn’t work and the brunette chuckled at the effect she still had. Ashley straightened and grabbed her water bottle. She started for the door.
“What does that prove? I didn’t say anything.”
“Exactly.” Then she was gone. Leaving the blonde with the lingering sensation on her thigh.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN cont...
It’s almost seven when Spencer emerged from her room, wearing a body hugging, spaghetti strap black dress. She reached the top of the stairs and stopped. Looking down she saw Ashley standing at the counter. Thoughts of that afternoon rushed back to her. The closeness of their bodies. Ashley’s mouth at her ear, her hand upon her thigh. The blonde shivered. Placing her hand on the railing, she started down the stairs. She reached the bottom and the brunette lifted her head. Their eyes locked, but only for a second. The blonde turned her head, tearing her eyes from Ashley’s, as the door opened and closed.
“Spencer, you look great!” Kade walked to her. He leaned in and kissed her lips. Spencer let the kiss last for only a second. There was something unsettling about kissing Kade in front of Ashley.
“Thanks.” Spencer shot him a smile. “So, where are we going?”
“Back up to the room.”
“Um…” Spencer felt Ashley’s eyes upon her. “I thought we were going out for dinner.”
“We are, but I need to shower and change first.”
“Ok.”
“You can wait here. It’ll only take a second.” Spencer stole a glance at Ashley. The brunette was no longer watching her, but Spencer knew she was listening. She felt the sudden urge to prove that the brunette had no effect on her. To prove it to the unknowing Kade, the brunette and most importantly to herself.
“No, I’ll come and wait in the room.”
And just how does that prove anything?
“I’m sure I’ll find something to entertain me.”
“Ok.” Kade smiled and grabbed Spencer’s hand. As he led her to the stairs, Spencer turned her head and glanced at the counter. Ashley was gone.
~~
Spencer paced the bedroom. She rubbed her hands together in an attempt to take her mind off everything that was happening to her once safe little world. The water stopped and the blonde froze. Paralysed to the spot, all she could do was turn her head. Her eyes locked on the door handle. She watched as it turned. The white of the door was soon replaced with a tan torso. Spencer blinked and suddenly she could see Kade moving toward her, his lower body wrapped in a cream towel. She couldn’t move. She wanted to. She wanted to be away from him. She wanted to be somewhere else.
You want to be with Ashley!
Spencer closed her eyes as lips crashed onto hers. Hands moved to her hips and pulled her close. She wrapped her arms around Kade’s neck as she felt herself behind pushed backward. Backward toward the bed. Toward the bed! Alarms sounded in her head. She thought of a way out. She could pull out of the kiss and run for the door.
To Ashley!
She willed the voice in her head to be quiet. But it screamed louder and louder. Taunting her with the brunette’s name.
Spencer felt her body being pushed down onto the mattress. Before her back hit the fabric of the quilt cover, she pulled away. She stood facing the door. Motionless. Her hand over her mouth. Eyes closed.
“What the hell, Spencer?”
“I’m sorry.”
“When we get married you can’t be such a tease.” Her eyes shot open and instead of seeing the neutral colours of the room, she saw red. Waves of rage crashed down on her.
“What?” She turned and faced him.
“Well, a wife can’t tease her husband the way you tease me.” He smiled. He was joking, but his words were cutting into her. Tearing at every piece of the wall she’d built around the events of that night.
Ashley would never say that!
“Shut the hell up!”
“What?”
“Goddamnit! You just never shut up! If I wanted to hear your bloody opinion I’d ask for it!”
“Spencer what’s gotten into you?” Kade jumped to his feet. The towel fell to the floor.
“Certainly not you and for Christ’s sake cover yourself!” She wasn’t sure why she was so mad at him. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. The confusion was written all over his face. She spun around and walked to the door.
“Spencer?” She just opened the door and walked out, slamming the wooden planks behind her.
She didn’t know where she was going.
I do.
There it was again. The voice in her head. She wanted to cut it out. She wanted to be free of it’s advice and torments. She stopped in front of a door. She faced it and closed her eyes. She was shaking, the anger building up inside of her.
Knock.
“No.”
Knock!
“I won’t.”
KNOCK!
“Leave me alone!”
The door swung open, but Spencer kept her eyes closed.
“Spencer, are you ok?” The brunette’s voice filled her head. Shaking her head, she slowly opened her eyes. A tear fell. “Spencer, what is it? What happened?”
“He called me…He…”
“He what?”
“He…called…me…a…tease.” She managed to get out.
“Oh, baby.” Ashley lifted her arms and pulled Spencer into her. Leaning into the brunette, Spencer closed her eyes. “It’s ok. It’ll be ok.” The brunette whispered. The blonde wept.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ashley sat on the chair by the window. Her eyes fixed on the blonde, who had cried herself into a deep sleep only hours before. She seemed so peaceful just lying there and part of Ashley hated it. Part of her wanted to shake her from her dreams and scream at her. And cause her so much pain that she’s collapse into a weeping mess. And that’s when ‘other-Ashley’ would step in. She’d envelope the blonde in her arms and kiss her pain away.
Spencer stirred.
Ashley slowly stood and moved to the foot of the bed. Cat-like, she made her way to where Spencer slept. Slowly, gently, the brunette lowered herself onto the mattress. Facing her. Ashley looked at Spencer’s face. She could still see the tracks of her tears. The brunette let out a mournful sigh. She lifted her hand and gently moved a stray lock of blonde hair from Spencer’s face.
“Ashley.”
“Mmm?” But there was no reply. She was still sleeping. Ashley rested her hand on the pillow between their heads and closed her eyes.
“I’m sorry.” Ashley wasn’t sure if Spencer’s apology was part of the blondes dream, or whether she’d already slipped into one of her own. But she knew it was a dream, so she didn’t bother to open her eyes. Until she felt a hand gently brush against her cheek. Her chocolate brown eyes slowly opened and she was suddenly starring into an ocean of cobalt blue.
Spencer was awake.
Ashley’s heart skipped a beat. Which, generally speaking, is not a good sign if you’re mad at someone. The blonde opened her mouth to speak, but Ashley cut her off.
“Why did you come to my room?”
“I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know where else to go.”
“Your parents.”
“Maybe I should go.” She turned and sat at the edge of the bed, her bare feet on the cool wooden floor, but made no attempt to stand.
“He doesn’t know, does he?”
“There are a lot of things that he doesn’t know.” Spencer sighed.
“About?”
“Me. You. And…” She hung her head and suddenly Ashley was beside her. Not touching, but still there.
“Why didn’t you tell him?”
“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“You mean, you hoped.”
“No.” Spencer shook her head. “It wasn’t my idea to come here, Ashley, but I’m not sorry that I did.”
“Really?”
“It’s going to take a lot to get things back to the way it was. But we will be friends again.” Spencer smiled before yawning.
“You should get some sleep.” The blonde started to stand. Ashley placed her hand on Spencer’s arm. “You can stay here.”
“You don’t mind?”
“I’ll never mind seeing you in my bed.” Their eyes met and locked. Ashley could feel the colour draining from her face. Her mouth went dry. “I mean…er…I…I didn’t…”
“It’s ok, Ash.” She smiled before falling against the mound of pillows and blankets. Ashley rose to her feet. “You’re not going to stay? We’re grown woman, I’m sure we can share a bed and actually sleep.”
YEAH RIGHT!!!
“I actually have some work to do. But you stay and sleep.” Ashley backed her way to the door. “And if I see, Kade, I’ll kick his ass.” Spencer propped herself up on her elbows and smiled.
Ashley to the rescue!“Ashley.”
“Ok, I won’t kick him.”
“Thanks.” The brunette didn’t know exactly what she was being thanked for, but she had a feeling it had nothing to do with Kade. Spencer fell back. “Goodnight, Ashley.”
“Night, Spencer.”
~~
Ashley was in her office, mentally abusing herself for letting Spencer sleep in her bed.
It’s a bad idea.
“No, really?”
She’ll think everything is ok.
“I know.”
But it’s not.
“No.”
You’ll want her and you’ll fall.
“No, I won’t.”
Bullshit! You want her already. Even with what she did.
“Everybody makes mistakes.”
If you really thought you could handle it, would you have called your sister?
Ashley opened her mouth to reply to…herself, but closed it again when someone knocked on the door.
“This isn’t over.” She told herself as she stood and walked over to the door. She opened it and instantly felt the urge to slam it shut.
“I’m sorry to bother you, Ashley, but have you seen Spencer?”
“Not recently.” It wasn’t completely a lie. Ashley hadn’t seen Spencer for about half an hour. What was ‘recently’ anyway?
“Oh, ok, thanks.” And with that he turned to leave.
“Kade, wait.”
What now?
“Are you ok?”
“No, not really. Spencer and I had a fight. Sort of.”
“Sort of?”
“Well, she yelled, while I was mostly confused.”
“What started it?”
“I don’t know. We were kissing and then she pulled away. I said something and she went crazy.”
“You called her a tease.”
“How did you know?”
“I said I hadn’t seen her recently, I didn’t say not at all.”
“Right. Is there something about that word that make woman mad?”
“Women, not so much. Spencer on the other hand…”
“I just don’t get it. Three years and there are still things about her I don’t know.”
Three years? She’d moved on fast. The realization pulled on Ashley’s heart. The brunette suddenly felt like she needed her sister beside her more than ever. Kyla would make things better. Kyla would stop the brunette from murdering the blonde while she slept in her bed.
“Maybe you should ask her about it when you see her.”
“I will.”
“Ask her about a guy named Aiden.”
Let the torture begin!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN cont...
Spencer moved quickly. She had managed to slip into the room she shared with Kade without him actually being there. She wasn’t ready to talk; she just needed a change of clothes. She needed to freshen up for…for what? Last night didn’t mean anything. She had been hurt, and she’d gone to someone safe. But is that really why she’d gone to Ashley? Spencer looked at herself in the mirror, and shook her head. She’d gone to Ashley because deep down…
The blonde was torn from her thoughts as she heard the door to the room open and close. She stood there, frozen to the spot.
“Spencer?” She still didn’t move. She didn’t even make a sound.
What are you doing? He can see you!
She slowly turned around.
“Hey.” Kade smiled.
“Hi.”
“I think…I think we need to talk.”
“Yeah.” She slowly nodded. “Maybe I should start.”
“You should considering I have no idea what happened.”
“Kade, I…I wish I could explain it to you. I really do, but…”
“Is this about Aiden?”
Spencer’s opened her mouth to speak, but her words were caught in her throat.
“How…” She touched her hand to her lips. “How do you…”
“How do I know about him?” She slowly nodded. “I don’t think that’s important. Who is he?”
Spencer just shook her head.
“Did you love him?”
She shook her head again, her eyes filling with tears.
“Did you sleep with him?”
This time she didn’t move at all. A tear fell from her eye.
“I have a right to know!”
“No. Not about this.”
“I’m going to be your husband, Spencer. You can’t keep things from your husband.”
He was yelling at her now. She was shaking. She wasn’t frightened of Kade. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. Physically. And he didn’t know about Aiden, so he couldn’t possibly know what talking about him was doing to her. She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling weak.
“Spencer, tell me!” He ordered.
“He raped me!” She screamed, opening her eyes. “I didn’t love him. And I never slept with him. He raped me! Are you happy now?”
Kade was silent.
“What? Nothing more to say? You want to know where? When? What he was wearing?”
“Stop it, Spencer.”
“It’s what I’ve been trying to do. For the past three years I have done everything to try and forget what he did to me. But it’s there. It’s always going to be there.”
“Spencer, honey…” He took a step closer to her.
“No.” Spencer held up her hand and stepped back. “You wanted to know. Are you happy now?”
“God, no. Look, when she said to ask you about him, I never once thought that it could be something like this.”
“Who told you about him?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
“Ashley told me.”
“Ok.” Spencer spun around and headed for the door.
“Spencer, maybe you should calm down before you go to see her.”
“No, if I calm down I’ll….it’s just not good for me to calm down.” Then she was gone.
~~~
Spencer looked at her watched. She’d been in Ashley’s office for two hours. Waiting. Waiting for Ashley. Waiting to choke her with her own words. How dare she tell Kade anything about her past.
“This is ridiculous!” She stood and walked to the door. Before she was close enough to touch it, it swung open. Ashley stumbled in, her arm draped around a shorter girl. The two girls stopped and stared at Spencer.
“Spencer, what are you doing here?”
“Nothing. I have to go.” She pushed passed them.
“Spencer!” The blonde heard her name being called, but she didn’t stop. She knew Ashley was following her. It was no surprise when the brunette grabbed Spencer’s arm and spun her around. They were only inches from each other. Spencer could feel Ashley’s breath upon her skin. It was too much. She stepped back. And Ashley let go of her arm. “Spencer, I’m not sure what you were doing in my office-”
“How could you?”
“How could I…” Ashley let her voice trail off. “Oh.”
“Ashley, you had no right to do that!”
“I have my reasons.”
“What? You couldn’t stand seeing me happy, so you thought you’d take me down a peg?”
“No! You hurt me-”
“So, three years later you take your revenge?”
“I didn’t plan on it.”
“I’m sure.”
“Spencer, you left. Remember? I don’t owe you anything.”
“The pain you felt when I left, is nothing compared to what I feel when his name is mentioned. When images of that night are flying around in my head!”
“You can’t compare your pain to mine. You have no idea what I felt when you left!”
“I lost you, too, Ashley. I felt it, too.”
“And yet you kept walking.”
“Yes I did.”
“And to what? To him?”
“Kade is a good man. He loves me.”
“Do you love him?” Her words stopped time. Spencer looked into Ashley’s eyes and saw the answer that the brunette wanted. But not what either of them needed.
“I…I…”
“You know what, I don’t want to know.” Ashley breathed in deep. “You’re right about one thing, Spencer. It’s your life. I had no right to say anything about your past to Kade. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for whatever friction I’ve caused between the two of you. But I don’t understand why you haven’t told him yourself.”
“I wanted to forget everything that happened back then.”
“Everything?”
“Ashley, I…” She didn’t have an answer this time.
“It’s ok.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No, I didn’t want to forget everything. Ashley, the time that I spent with you…”
“Spencer, you don’t have to.”
“I need to. I need you to know this. It won’t fix anything, but you need to know.”
“Ok.”
“The hours I spent with you, were some of the best moments in my life. But they were also some of the most painful.”
“Why?”
“Because, I always had this feeling that it would end.”
“You’re the one that walked away.”
“I know. But you never asked me to stay, Ashley.”
“No, I didn’t.” And that was it. She offered no reason. And Spencer didn’t ask. They just stood, in silence, looking to the ground. While the girl Ashley had arrived home with, watched from the doorway.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The girl continued to watch for long moments. She made no attempt to communicate with Ashley. She just stood, watching. Eventually she would tire of the waiting game and retreat to wherever she called home. But for now, she watched as the two girls stood. Their heads were tilted and their eyes were locked on the floor beneath them.
Ashley had offered no reason for not asking Spencer to stay. But the blonde had offered nothing to explain why she hadn’t stuck around. Spencer felt Ashley’s eyes on her body. She turned her head to meet the gaze, but didn’t say anything. Neither girl made an attempt to speak. Maybe it was because neither of them new what to say. Or maybe it was because, deep down, neither wanted the silence to end. They didn’t want to return to reality. To Kade. To…Spencer didn’t know the girls name. She wondered for a moment if Ashley did.
“You should, um…I should go so you can get back to your…date.”
Ashley didn’t say anything. A smile spread over her face, and in a moment she was laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Spencer asked, frustrated at the brunette.
“She’s not my date.”
“No, if I remember correctly they didn’t have to be your date to go home with you.”
“Harsh.” Ashley smile faded and she straightened. “Not that it’s really any of your business anymore, Spencer, but I’m not like that anymore.”
“If it’s not my business, why’d you tell me?”
“Because I want you to know.”
“Ok. I should still go and let you get back to…” Spencer turned to leave.
“Her name is Kyla.” Spencer stopped, but didn’t face the brunette. “She’s my sister.”
“Sister?”
“Yeah.” Spencer faced Ashley and the brunette slowly nodded. “And as much as I’ve grown to love her, she’s not my type.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“I should still…” The blonde slowly started to turn.
“Spencer.”
“Yeah?” She spun around again.
“Can we just…can we talk.”
“What about?”
“I don’t care. Anything. But not…I want us to be friends again. I know you do because you said so. And if you still want that… I’d like to try.”
“Ok.” Spencer moved to sit on a chair.
“Not here.” Ashley moved toward the stair way. “I want to show you something.” Ashley held out her hand to the blonde. There was no hesitation as Spencer slid her hand into Ashley’s. The brunette led her up the stairs.
The entered Ashley’s bedroom and Spencer’s heart skipped a beat. She shouldn’t let this happen. But she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to stop herself or if she’d want to. Her eyes fell upon the bed and then she sighed as they passed it. They reached the doors to Ashley’s balcony and the brunette released the taller girl’s hand.
“Ok, I don’t want you to be mad at this, ok. Because I knew that I made a mistake when I told Kade about Aiden. And this is my way of making it up to you.”
“I’m a little nervous right now.” Ashley just smiled. She turned and pulled both doors open. She moved onto the balcony, but Spencer stayed inside the room. “Come on.”
“Um…” The blonde slowly made her way outside. She stood beside Ashley and looked at the yard below her. “What are they doing?” Spencer asked, eyeing the painters and the men moving large statues.
“I’m throwing you a party.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to. Consider it a welcome-home-happy-engagement-I’m-sorry party.”
“Ok.”
“Ok.”
~~~~
As Spencer and Ashley seemed to run out of things to talk about, they stood in silence. Spencer watched people move in the yard below them. Ashley fixed her eyes upon the blondes face. She slowly moved her head closer to Spencer’s. She held it there for a moment, inches from the other girls. Spencer could feel the brunette’s hot breath on her cheek. She wanted to move, but something inside of her paralysed her. Slowly, hesitantly, the blonde turned her head, only slightly. Her eyes locked with Ashley’s. Within seconds Ashley found and claimed Spencer’s lips with her own. She ran her hands over the smooth skin of the blondes face and rested them on her neck. As the kiss grew more intense with passion, they stood and moved - without parting, through the doors to Ashley’s bedroom. After closing them, Ashley pushed Spencer against the glass. Hands explored bodies. Ashley moved her mouth to Spencer’s neck. She nipped and sucked on the blondes pulse point. Spencer’s knees buckled beneath her. “Bed….now….” She managed to get out between panted breathes.
They stumbled back toward the bed. As they fell onto the bed Ashley knew that what she was doing was wrong, but something inside her wouldn’t allow her to stop. Maybe is was the feeling of loneliness that boiled inside of her. Or perhaps it was that deep down inside she still held the feelings for Spencer that she had so long ago. She wasn’t sure what the reason was, but she couldn’t pull herself away.
She kissed the blondes nose before pushing herself away and resting on her knees. She moved her hands to the buttons on her shirt, and tried to undo them. Normally, she would’ve ripped the shirt off, but this time was different. Her hands were shaking like it was her first time again. Within seconds, Spencer’s hands joined hers. “Let me.” She whispered.
“I’m sorry. I’m just so nervous. I didn’t think this would ever happen again.” She said, as she threw her shirt onto the floor. Ashley didn’t say anything else as she pulled her black tank top over her head and tossed it near her shirt. Spencer took in the sight before her. Ashley's exposed skin, her black lace bra. It still had the same effect that had three years ealier. Spencer placed her hands on Ashley’s toned stomach and slowly slid them around to rest on the small of her back. She pulled the brunette to her, kissing her again. Each of them grew more eager to taste the other. Pulling the brunette into her, Spencer rolled them over. She pushed her hands into perfect brunette locks, while she shivered as Ashley ghosted her fingers over her back. Ashley didn’t notice until it was too late, but Spencer moved her hands to cover her breasts, gently massaging them. With all the strength and resistance she had left in her body - which wasn’t a lot, she pushed the blonde away.
“What? What is it?”
“People are meant to learn from their mistakes!” She scolded herself, jumping from the bed.
“Mistakes?” Spencer queried. Ashley rushed to where her tank top and blouse had fallen. Spencer watched as she pulled her tank top on before jumping to her feet and grabbing Ashley by the arm. “What mistakes?”
“Last time we did this…it screwed up my life!” She pulled away from the blonde and pulled her blouse on.
“Your life? You can’t be serious.”
“Actually, Spencer, I am.” Ashley stated and Spencer just stared. “That night, I gave you everything.”
“What night are we talking about? Coz you certainly weren’t a virgin when we slept together for the first time.”
“That’s not what I meant. I gave you my heart and my soul, Spencer.”
“And so did I. Before you I’d…”
“But you smiled and you took it and then you left.”
“Why the hell do we keep coming back to this?”
“Because no matter what I do, it always comes back to you. And I don’t think it’s the same for you.”
“What? Ashley, I was over you. I was moving on with everything. If you didn’t mean…something to me do you think I’d be here willing to give it all up?”
“Giving what up? Spencer you chose that life.”
“No. I didn’t. Ashley it was…” Something sounded in her head, an alarm bell maybe, but it made her stop. “You’re right.”
“I am?”
“Yeah. When I’m with you I’m not myself. This isn’t normal. People don’t just do this. I don’t just do this. I need to be myself, Ashley.”
“When did this get turned around? I’m meant to be taking the high path here for once.”
“It should’ve been me. I shouldn’t have let this go so far.”
“Because of Kade.”
“Because of a lot of things. He’s safe, and kind and normal. He’s everything I should want.”
“What’s so great about normal?” The brunette smiled, suddenly feeling the urge to fight to keep her hold on Spencer.
“Right now? It’s not you.” Spencer walked to the door, opened it, stepped into the hallway and closed it behind her. She rested against the wood and sighed. She closed her eyes and just stood there, breathing.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Spencer spent the following day avoiding Ashley. It was proving to be a lot easier than she first thought. In the end, she figured that the brunette was avoiding her as well. Spencer couldn’t understand how, after so many years, she could still find herself lost in those chocolate eyes.
Maybe you still love her.
“What? No.”
It’s possible.
“Y’know, for a voice in my head, you’re really quite crazy.”
And what does that say about you for talking to me?
“Just shut up!”
“You keep telling me to shut up before I even have a chance to say something and I’m going to start to think you don’t like my voice.” Spencer spun around.
“Kade, you scared me.”
“You were expecting someone else?”
“No. No.” Spencer sighed.
“So, I was thinking.”
“That would be a first.”
“Funny…” Kade slapped Spencer in the arm. “I was thinking maybe you and me…little romantic dinner…tonight.”
“Um…” Was all she could manage to get out. Her head was still stuck on last night. The stare. God, it was intense! But it didn’t mean anything, did it? No. Of course it didn’t.
“Unless you’ve had a better offer.”
“No. It’s sound perfect.” Spencer smiled. Kade leaned in close and lightly kissed her cheek.
“Well, I gotta go. I’ll see you at seven.”
“Ok.” Then he was gone.
***
“Hey, Ashley.” Kade smiled as he emerged from the huge house. He stepped onto the gravel of the parking lot and waved.
“Hey, Kade, right?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. He moved toward the brunette, who was standing at her car. “Heading out?”
“No, just getting home.” She smiled. “You?”
“Yeah, I have a meeting with Arthur.”
“A meeting with Mr. C? Lucky you.” She chuckled.
“What?”
“Nothing. He’s a great guy.”
“Yeah, we’ve met before.”
“Of course you have.”
“I had to get his permission before I asked for his daughter’s hand.” Ashley slowly nodded. “Anyway, I just wanted to say you have an amazing house.”
He tears at your heart like that than gives you a freaking compliment. Who the hell does he think he is?
“Thank you. It’s got a lot of memories in this house. I could never dream of letting it go.”
“Yeah, a lot of memories for Spencer, too I think.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did she say something?”
Pushy much?
“No. She just…I don’t know how to explain it. There’s just a look in her eye when she looks at something she loves. She has that look here.” Kade glanced at his watch. “Ok, I’m running late now. I’ll see you later, Ashley.”
“Bye.” She lifted her hand and gave him a half hearted wave.
****
Ashley walked into the kitchen. She saw Spencer sitting at the counter and suddenly her reason for going into the kitchen was gone. The blonde was looking completely lost and Ashley felt the urge to hold her and give it her all to fix everything. “Spencer, are you ok?”
“Ah, yeah. I was just thinking.”
“About?” Spencer turned and looked at the brunette.
“The wedding.”
“My invitation must have been lost.”
“Actually I didn’t invite you.”
“Yeah, I got that. Ashley smiled and moved to the fridge.
“That was…I’m sorry.” Ashley grabbed a bottle of water from the top shelf and closed the door.
“No, it’s your wedding. You can invite whoever you want.” She headed toward the door.
“I didn’t invite you because- ” Spinning around, Ashley held up her hand. Spencer fell silent immediately.
“I don’t really want to know.” The blonde lowered her eyes to the floor.
Yes you do!
“Can I ask you a question?” Ashley moved across the room and stood beside her. “Does he make you happy?”
“I don’t really think that’s any of your business!”
“It was only a quest- Oh my, God.”
“What?”
“You thought I meant…”
“You didn’t?”
“No.” Ashley shook her head and smiled. Spencer blushed. “If I was asking that…” Ashley placed her bottle on the counter and locked her eyes with Spencer’s. “I’d lean in close like this,” Their faces were only centimetres apart. “And I’d put my hand,” Ashley slowly rested her hand on Spencer’s thigh. “Here. And then I’d whisper…” She moved her mouth to the blonde’s ear. “Does he make you as happy as I did?”
Spencer bit her lower lip in an attempt to silence the moan that was threatening to escape. It didn’t work and the brunette chuckled at the effect she still had. Ashley straightened and grabbed her water bottle. She started for the door.
“What does that prove? I didn’t say anything.”
“Exactly.” Then she was gone. Leaving the blonde with the lingering sensation on her thigh.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN cont...
It’s almost seven when Spencer emerged from her room, wearing a body hugging, spaghetti strap black dress. She reached the top of the stairs and stopped. Looking down she saw Ashley standing at the counter. Thoughts of that afternoon rushed back to her. The closeness of their bodies. Ashley’s mouth at her ear, her hand upon her thigh. The blonde shivered. Placing her hand on the railing, she started down the stairs. She reached the bottom and the brunette lifted her head. Their eyes locked, but only for a second. The blonde turned her head, tearing her eyes from Ashley’s, as the door opened and closed.
“Spencer, you look great!” Kade walked to her. He leaned in and kissed her lips. Spencer let the kiss last for only a second. There was something unsettling about kissing Kade in front of Ashley.
“Thanks.” Spencer shot him a smile. “So, where are we going?”
“Back up to the room.”
“Um…” Spencer felt Ashley’s eyes upon her. “I thought we were going out for dinner.”
“We are, but I need to shower and change first.”
“Ok.”
“You can wait here. It’ll only take a second.” Spencer stole a glance at Ashley. The brunette was no longer watching her, but Spencer knew she was listening. She felt the sudden urge to prove that the brunette had no effect on her. To prove it to the unknowing Kade, the brunette and most importantly to herself.
“No, I’ll come and wait in the room.”
And just how does that prove anything?
“I’m sure I’ll find something to entertain me.”
“Ok.” Kade smiled and grabbed Spencer’s hand. As he led her to the stairs, Spencer turned her head and glanced at the counter. Ashley was gone.
~~
Spencer paced the bedroom. She rubbed her hands together in an attempt to take her mind off everything that was happening to her once safe little world. The water stopped and the blonde froze. Paralysed to the spot, all she could do was turn her head. Her eyes locked on the door handle. She watched as it turned. The white of the door was soon replaced with a tan torso. Spencer blinked and suddenly she could see Kade moving toward her, his lower body wrapped in a cream towel. She couldn’t move. She wanted to. She wanted to be away from him. She wanted to be somewhere else.
You want to be with Ashley!
Spencer closed her eyes as lips crashed onto hers. Hands moved to her hips and pulled her close. She wrapped her arms around Kade’s neck as she felt herself behind pushed backward. Backward toward the bed. Toward the bed! Alarms sounded in her head. She thought of a way out. She could pull out of the kiss and run for the door.
To Ashley!
She willed the voice in her head to be quiet. But it screamed louder and louder. Taunting her with the brunette’s name.
Spencer felt her body being pushed down onto the mattress. Before her back hit the fabric of the quilt cover, she pulled away. She stood facing the door. Motionless. Her hand over her mouth. Eyes closed.
“What the hell, Spencer?”
“I’m sorry.”
“When we get married you can’t be such a tease.” Her eyes shot open and instead of seeing the neutral colours of the room, she saw red. Waves of rage crashed down on her.
“What?” She turned and faced him.
“Well, a wife can’t tease her husband the way you tease me.” He smiled. He was joking, but his words were cutting into her. Tearing at every piece of the wall she’d built around the events of that night.
Ashley would never say that!
“Shut the hell up!”
“What?”
“Goddamnit! You just never shut up! If I wanted to hear your bloody opinion I’d ask for it!”
“Spencer what’s gotten into you?” Kade jumped to his feet. The towel fell to the floor.
“Certainly not you and for Christ’s sake cover yourself!” She wasn’t sure why she was so mad at him. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. The confusion was written all over his face. She spun around and walked to the door.
“Spencer?” She just opened the door and walked out, slamming the wooden planks behind her.
She didn’t know where she was going.
I do.
There it was again. The voice in her head. She wanted to cut it out. She wanted to be free of it’s advice and torments. She stopped in front of a door. She faced it and closed her eyes. She was shaking, the anger building up inside of her.
Knock.
“No.”
Knock!
“I won’t.”
KNOCK!
“Leave me alone!”
The door swung open, but Spencer kept her eyes closed.
“Spencer, are you ok?” The brunette’s voice filled her head. Shaking her head, she slowly opened her eyes. A tear fell. “Spencer, what is it? What happened?”
“He called me…He…”
“He what?”
“He…called…me…a…tease.” She managed to get out.
“Oh, baby.” Ashley lifted her arms and pulled Spencer into her. Leaning into the brunette, Spencer closed her eyes. “It’s ok. It’ll be ok.” The brunette whispered. The blonde wept.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ashley sat on the chair by the window. Her eyes fixed on the blonde, who had cried herself into a deep sleep only hours before. She seemed so peaceful just lying there and part of Ashley hated it. Part of her wanted to shake her from her dreams and scream at her. And cause her so much pain that she’s collapse into a weeping mess. And that’s when ‘other-Ashley’ would step in. She’d envelope the blonde in her arms and kiss her pain away.
Spencer stirred.
Ashley slowly stood and moved to the foot of the bed. Cat-like, she made her way to where Spencer slept. Slowly, gently, the brunette lowered herself onto the mattress. Facing her. Ashley looked at Spencer’s face. She could still see the tracks of her tears. The brunette let out a mournful sigh. She lifted her hand and gently moved a stray lock of blonde hair from Spencer’s face.
“Ashley.”
“Mmm?” But there was no reply. She was still sleeping. Ashley rested her hand on the pillow between their heads and closed her eyes.
“I’m sorry.” Ashley wasn’t sure if Spencer’s apology was part of the blondes dream, or whether she’d already slipped into one of her own. But she knew it was a dream, so she didn’t bother to open her eyes. Until she felt a hand gently brush against her cheek. Her chocolate brown eyes slowly opened and she was suddenly starring into an ocean of cobalt blue.
Spencer was awake.
Ashley’s heart skipped a beat. Which, generally speaking, is not a good sign if you’re mad at someone. The blonde opened her mouth to speak, but Ashley cut her off.
“Why did you come to my room?”
“I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know where else to go.”
“Your parents.”
“Maybe I should go.” She turned and sat at the edge of the bed, her bare feet on the cool wooden floor, but made no attempt to stand.
“He doesn’t know, does he?”
“There are a lot of things that he doesn’t know.” Spencer sighed.
“About?”
“Me. You. And…” She hung her head and suddenly Ashley was beside her. Not touching, but still there.
“Why didn’t you tell him?”
“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“You mean, you hoped.”
“No.” Spencer shook her head. “It wasn’t my idea to come here, Ashley, but I’m not sorry that I did.”
“Really?”
“It’s going to take a lot to get things back to the way it was. But we will be friends again.” Spencer smiled before yawning.
“You should get some sleep.” The blonde started to stand. Ashley placed her hand on Spencer’s arm. “You can stay here.”
“You don’t mind?”
“I’ll never mind seeing you in my bed.” Their eyes met and locked. Ashley could feel the colour draining from her face. Her mouth went dry. “I mean…er…I…I didn’t…”
“It’s ok, Ash.” She smiled before falling against the mound of pillows and blankets. Ashley rose to her feet. “You’re not going to stay? We’re grown woman, I’m sure we can share a bed and actually sleep.”
YEAH RIGHT!!!
“I actually have some work to do. But you stay and sleep.” Ashley backed her way to the door. “And if I see, Kade, I’ll kick his ass.” Spencer propped herself up on her elbows and smiled.
Ashley to the rescue!“Ashley.”
“Ok, I won’t kick him.”
“Thanks.” The brunette didn’t know exactly what she was being thanked for, but she had a feeling it had nothing to do with Kade. Spencer fell back. “Goodnight, Ashley.”
“Night, Spencer.”
~~
Ashley was in her office, mentally abusing herself for letting Spencer sleep in her bed.
It’s a bad idea.
“No, really?”
She’ll think everything is ok.
“I know.”
But it’s not.
“No.”
You’ll want her and you’ll fall.
“No, I won’t.”
Bullshit! You want her already. Even with what she did.
“Everybody makes mistakes.”
If you really thought you could handle it, would you have called your sister?
Ashley opened her mouth to reply to…herself, but closed it again when someone knocked on the door.
“This isn’t over.” She told herself as she stood and walked over to the door. She opened it and instantly felt the urge to slam it shut.
“I’m sorry to bother you, Ashley, but have you seen Spencer?”
“Not recently.” It wasn’t completely a lie. Ashley hadn’t seen Spencer for about half an hour. What was ‘recently’ anyway?
“Oh, ok, thanks.” And with that he turned to leave.
“Kade, wait.”
What now?
“Are you ok?”
“No, not really. Spencer and I had a fight. Sort of.”
“Sort of?”
“Well, she yelled, while I was mostly confused.”
“What started it?”
“I don’t know. We were kissing and then she pulled away. I said something and she went crazy.”
“You called her a tease.”
“How did you know?”
“I said I hadn’t seen her recently, I didn’t say not at all.”
“Right. Is there something about that word that make woman mad?”
“Women, not so much. Spencer on the other hand…”
“I just don’t get it. Three years and there are still things about her I don’t know.”
Three years? She’d moved on fast. The realization pulled on Ashley’s heart. The brunette suddenly felt like she needed her sister beside her more than ever. Kyla would make things better. Kyla would stop the brunette from murdering the blonde while she slept in her bed.
“Maybe you should ask her about it when you see her.”
“I will.”
“Ask her about a guy named Aiden.”
Let the torture begin!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN cont...
Spencer moved quickly. She had managed to slip into the room she shared with Kade without him actually being there. She wasn’t ready to talk; she just needed a change of clothes. She needed to freshen up for…for what? Last night didn’t mean anything. She had been hurt, and she’d gone to someone safe. But is that really why she’d gone to Ashley? Spencer looked at herself in the mirror, and shook her head. She’d gone to Ashley because deep down…
The blonde was torn from her thoughts as she heard the door to the room open and close. She stood there, frozen to the spot.
“Spencer?” She still didn’t move. She didn’t even make a sound.
What are you doing? He can see you!
She slowly turned around.
“Hey.” Kade smiled.
“Hi.”
“I think…I think we need to talk.”
“Yeah.” She slowly nodded. “Maybe I should start.”
“You should considering I have no idea what happened.”
“Kade, I…I wish I could explain it to you. I really do, but…”
“Is this about Aiden?”
Spencer’s opened her mouth to speak, but her words were caught in her throat.
“How…” She touched her hand to her lips. “How do you…”
“How do I know about him?” She slowly nodded. “I don’t think that’s important. Who is he?”
Spencer just shook her head.
“Did you love him?”
She shook her head again, her eyes filling with tears.
“Did you sleep with him?”
This time she didn’t move at all. A tear fell from her eye.
“I have a right to know!”
“No. Not about this.”
“I’m going to be your husband, Spencer. You can’t keep things from your husband.”
He was yelling at her now. She was shaking. She wasn’t frightened of Kade. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. Physically. And he didn’t know about Aiden, so he couldn’t possibly know what talking about him was doing to her. She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling weak.
“Spencer, tell me!” He ordered.
“He raped me!” She screamed, opening her eyes. “I didn’t love him. And I never slept with him. He raped me! Are you happy now?”
Kade was silent.
“What? Nothing more to say? You want to know where? When? What he was wearing?”
“Stop it, Spencer.”
“It’s what I’ve been trying to do. For the past three years I have done everything to try and forget what he did to me. But it’s there. It’s always going to be there.”
“Spencer, honey…” He took a step closer to her.
“No.” Spencer held up her hand and stepped back. “You wanted to know. Are you happy now?”
“God, no. Look, when she said to ask you about him, I never once thought that it could be something like this.”
“Who told you about him?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
“Ashley told me.”
“Ok.” Spencer spun around and headed for the door.
“Spencer, maybe you should calm down before you go to see her.”
“No, if I calm down I’ll….it’s just not good for me to calm down.” Then she was gone.
~~~
Spencer looked at her watched. She’d been in Ashley’s office for two hours. Waiting. Waiting for Ashley. Waiting to choke her with her own words. How dare she tell Kade anything about her past.
“This is ridiculous!” She stood and walked to the door. Before she was close enough to touch it, it swung open. Ashley stumbled in, her arm draped around a shorter girl. The two girls stopped and stared at Spencer.
“Spencer, what are you doing here?”
“Nothing. I have to go.” She pushed passed them.
“Spencer!” The blonde heard her name being called, but she didn’t stop. She knew Ashley was following her. It was no surprise when the brunette grabbed Spencer’s arm and spun her around. They were only inches from each other. Spencer could feel Ashley’s breath upon her skin. It was too much. She stepped back. And Ashley let go of her arm. “Spencer, I’m not sure what you were doing in my office-”
“How could you?”
“How could I…” Ashley let her voice trail off. “Oh.”
“Ashley, you had no right to do that!”
“I have my reasons.”
“What? You couldn’t stand seeing me happy, so you thought you’d take me down a peg?”
“No! You hurt me-”
“So, three years later you take your revenge?”
“I didn’t plan on it.”
“I’m sure.”
“Spencer, you left. Remember? I don’t owe you anything.”
“The pain you felt when I left, is nothing compared to what I feel when his name is mentioned. When images of that night are flying around in my head!”
“You can’t compare your pain to mine. You have no idea what I felt when you left!”
“I lost you, too, Ashley. I felt it, too.”
“And yet you kept walking.”
“Yes I did.”
“And to what? To him?”
“Kade is a good man. He loves me.”
“Do you love him?” Her words stopped time. Spencer looked into Ashley’s eyes and saw the answer that the brunette wanted. But not what either of them needed.
“I…I…”
“You know what, I don’t want to know.” Ashley breathed in deep. “You’re right about one thing, Spencer. It’s your life. I had no right to say anything about your past to Kade. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for whatever friction I’ve caused between the two of you. But I don’t understand why you haven’t told him yourself.”
“I wanted to forget everything that happened back then.”
“Everything?”
“Ashley, I…” She didn’t have an answer this time.
“It’s ok.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No, I didn’t want to forget everything. Ashley, the time that I spent with you…”
“Spencer, you don’t have to.”
“I need to. I need you to know this. It won’t fix anything, but you need to know.”
“Ok.”
“The hours I spent with you, were some of the best moments in my life. But they were also some of the most painful.”
“Why?”
“Because, I always had this feeling that it would end.”
“You’re the one that walked away.”
“I know. But you never asked me to stay, Ashley.”
“No, I didn’t.” And that was it. She offered no reason. And Spencer didn’t ask. They just stood, in silence, looking to the ground. While the girl Ashley had arrived home with, watched from the doorway.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The girl continued to watch for long moments. She made no attempt to communicate with Ashley. She just stood, watching. Eventually she would tire of the waiting game and retreat to wherever she called home. But for now, she watched as the two girls stood. Their heads were tilted and their eyes were locked on the floor beneath them.
Ashley had offered no reason for not asking Spencer to stay. But the blonde had offered nothing to explain why she hadn’t stuck around. Spencer felt Ashley’s eyes on her body. She turned her head to meet the gaze, but didn’t say anything. Neither girl made an attempt to speak. Maybe it was because neither of them new what to say. Or maybe it was because, deep down, neither wanted the silence to end. They didn’t want to return to reality. To Kade. To…Spencer didn’t know the girls name. She wondered for a moment if Ashley did.
“You should, um…I should go so you can get back to your…date.”
Ashley didn’t say anything. A smile spread over her face, and in a moment she was laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Spencer asked, frustrated at the brunette.
“She’s not my date.”
“No, if I remember correctly they didn’t have to be your date to go home with you.”
“Harsh.” Ashley smile faded and she straightened. “Not that it’s really any of your business anymore, Spencer, but I’m not like that anymore.”
“If it’s not my business, why’d you tell me?”
“Because I want you to know.”
“Ok. I should still go and let you get back to…” Spencer turned to leave.
“Her name is Kyla.” Spencer stopped, but didn’t face the brunette. “She’s my sister.”
“Sister?”
“Yeah.” Spencer faced Ashley and the brunette slowly nodded. “And as much as I’ve grown to love her, she’s not my type.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“I should still…” The blonde slowly started to turn.
“Spencer.”
“Yeah?” She spun around again.
“Can we just…can we talk.”
“What about?”
“I don’t care. Anything. But not…I want us to be friends again. I know you do because you said so. And if you still want that… I’d like to try.”
“Ok.” Spencer moved to sit on a chair.
“Not here.” Ashley moved toward the stair way. “I want to show you something.” Ashley held out her hand to the blonde. There was no hesitation as Spencer slid her hand into Ashley’s. The brunette led her up the stairs.
The entered Ashley’s bedroom and Spencer’s heart skipped a beat. She shouldn’t let this happen. But she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to stop herself or if she’d want to. Her eyes fell upon the bed and then she sighed as they passed it. They reached the doors to Ashley’s balcony and the brunette released the taller girl’s hand.
“Ok, I don’t want you to be mad at this, ok. Because I knew that I made a mistake when I told Kade about Aiden. And this is my way of making it up to you.”
“I’m a little nervous right now.” Ashley just smiled. She turned and pulled both doors open. She moved onto the balcony, but Spencer stayed inside the room. “Come on.”
“Um…” The blonde slowly made her way outside. She stood beside Ashley and looked at the yard below her. “What are they doing?” Spencer asked, eyeing the painters and the men moving large statues.
“I’m throwing you a party.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to. Consider it a welcome-home-happy-engagement-I’m-sorry party.”
“Ok.”
“Ok.”
~~~~
As Spencer and Ashley seemed to run out of things to talk about, they stood in silence. Spencer watched people move in the yard below them. Ashley fixed her eyes upon the blondes face. She slowly moved her head closer to Spencer’s. She held it there for a moment, inches from the other girls. Spencer could feel the brunette’s hot breath on her cheek. She wanted to move, but something inside of her paralysed her. Slowly, hesitantly, the blonde turned her head, only slightly. Her eyes locked with Ashley’s. Within seconds Ashley found and claimed Spencer’s lips with her own. She ran her hands over the smooth skin of the blondes face and rested them on her neck. As the kiss grew more intense with passion, they stood and moved - without parting, through the doors to Ashley’s bedroom. After closing them, Ashley pushed Spencer against the glass. Hands explored bodies. Ashley moved her mouth to Spencer’s neck. She nipped and sucked on the blondes pulse point. Spencer’s knees buckled beneath her. “Bed….now….” She managed to get out between panted breathes.
They stumbled back toward the bed. As they fell onto the bed Ashley knew that what she was doing was wrong, but something inside her wouldn’t allow her to stop. Maybe is was the feeling of loneliness that boiled inside of her. Or perhaps it was that deep down inside she still held the feelings for Spencer that she had so long ago. She wasn’t sure what the reason was, but she couldn’t pull herself away.
She kissed the blondes nose before pushing herself away and resting on her knees. She moved her hands to the buttons on her shirt, and tried to undo them. Normally, she would’ve ripped the shirt off, but this time was different. Her hands were shaking like it was her first time again. Within seconds, Spencer’s hands joined hers. “Let me.” She whispered.
“I’m sorry. I’m just so nervous. I didn’t think this would ever happen again.” She said, as she threw her shirt onto the floor. Ashley didn’t say anything else as she pulled her black tank top over her head and tossed it near her shirt. Spencer took in the sight before her. Ashley's exposed skin, her black lace bra. It still had the same effect that had three years ealier. Spencer placed her hands on Ashley’s toned stomach and slowly slid them around to rest on the small of her back. She pulled the brunette to her, kissing her again. Each of them grew more eager to taste the other. Pulling the brunette into her, Spencer rolled them over. She pushed her hands into perfect brunette locks, while she shivered as Ashley ghosted her fingers over her back. Ashley didn’t notice until it was too late, but Spencer moved her hands to cover her breasts, gently massaging them. With all the strength and resistance she had left in her body - which wasn’t a lot, she pushed the blonde away.
“What? What is it?”
“People are meant to learn from their mistakes!” She scolded herself, jumping from the bed.
“Mistakes?” Spencer queried. Ashley rushed to where her tank top and blouse had fallen. Spencer watched as she pulled her tank top on before jumping to her feet and grabbing Ashley by the arm. “What mistakes?”
“Last time we did this…it screwed up my life!” She pulled away from the blonde and pulled her blouse on.
“Your life? You can’t be serious.”
“Actually, Spencer, I am.” Ashley stated and Spencer just stared. “That night, I gave you everything.”
“What night are we talking about? Coz you certainly weren’t a virgin when we slept together for the first time.”
“That’s not what I meant. I gave you my heart and my soul, Spencer.”
“And so did I. Before you I’d…”
“But you smiled and you took it and then you left.”
“Why the hell do we keep coming back to this?”
“Because no matter what I do, it always comes back to you. And I don’t think it’s the same for you.”
“What? Ashley, I was over you. I was moving on with everything. If you didn’t mean…something to me do you think I’d be here willing to give it all up?”
“Giving what up? Spencer you chose that life.”
“No. I didn’t. Ashley it was…” Something sounded in her head, an alarm bell maybe, but it made her stop. “You’re right.”
“I am?”
“Yeah. When I’m with you I’m not myself. This isn’t normal. People don’t just do this. I don’t just do this. I need to be myself, Ashley.”
“When did this get turned around? I’m meant to be taking the high path here for once.”
“It should’ve been me. I shouldn’t have let this go so far.”
“Because of Kade.”
“Because of a lot of things. He’s safe, and kind and normal. He’s everything I should want.”
“What’s so great about normal?” The brunette smiled, suddenly feeling the urge to fight to keep her hold on Spencer.
“Right now? It’s not you.” Spencer walked to the door, opened it, stepped into the hallway and closed it behind her. She rested against the wood and sighed. She closed her eyes and just stood there, breathing.