Now Extended...
Some Kind of Fix
Word Count: 1,620
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Linden/Holder
Spoilers: up to 1x13, just to be safe.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I just break things.
Summary: He wants a fix. She's got somewhere to be. Neither of them expected this.
Author's Note: I decided to expand this a little, so while the first part is familiar, the rest is new...
Some Kind of Fix
He could feel it. That slight twitch in his fingers. That itch. He lit up a cigarette, hoping it would take the edge off. It wasn't much of a substitute, and he knew it. He was jonesing for a fix, and he'd throw away everything if he could. He knew that about himself by now.
Shaking his head, he settled down with a beer instead, not entirely ready to spend the rest of the night fighting against his nature. He had just closed his eyes, about to take a sip, when he heard the knock.
He took the sip anyway before dragging himself out of the chair and crossing the room to answer it.
He opened the door, managing to make it so there was no surprise on his face, no real reaction to the fact that she was standing in front of him. He shrugged a little, letting her inside. "Knew you didn't want to get on that plane, Linden."
"Shut up, Holder," she said, grabbing a hold of his sweatshirt and pulling him close enough to kiss him.
Asking what this was, that was just plain stupid. Ask a question like that, and she was bound to run. It was in her nature. He knew enough about her to know that. He laid there, running his fingers through her hair while she slept, untangling some of the curls. She never slept, so it didn't really surprise him that she was out cold while he was awake, his mind unable to quit.
Thinking wasn't something people would accuse him of often, and he couldn't blame them for that. He wasn't sentimental, either, except maybe when it came to the drugs. That was different. He missed the way they made him feel, a feeling that was all physical. Linden was something else. She was a person, and she needed him. He'd never been needed before. He'd seen that through. He never saw stuff through.
He frowned and looked down at her. What was it about this woman, anyway? She was cranky, bitchy and bossy as hell. She hadn't really accepted him, not until he'd helped her with her kid, and that wasn't the same as her really making him a part of the investigation. The hell was that, anyway? She'd trust him with helping her find her kid, but not with a murder investigation? Not that she'd wanted his help there, either. It was impossible to do anything for this woman without a fight.
Then she'd shown up on his doorstep, kissed him, and the rest just sort of... happened.
He had no complaints. No regrets.
Linden was probably a different story. Chances were, she'd try and pretend that this hadn't happened at all. He figured she'd done it to sabotage things with Mr. Sonoma for good. Holder was just convenient. Hell, he'd been easy.
Face it, Holder, you're a slut. No use fooling himself into thinking that this was anything more than it was. One night, that was it. If she hadn't fallen asleep, she'd already be gone. That was the way it worked. Sooner he accepted that, the better.
Linden turned over, muttering something in her sleep, and he started combing through her hair again. She seemed to settle a bit, and he let out a breath of relief. Let her sleep as long as she could. She didn't do it enough.
A small part of him was aware that he was trying to keep her here as long as he could, but he couldn't bring himself to care. What did it matter if she stayed? He was not an idiot, not completely, anyway. She was as good as gone, but right now, he had her. That was good enough by him. It worked for the night. In the morning, things would be back to the way they were. She might even try and take that plane again. Who knew? Not him, that was for sure.
He closed his eyes, starting drift off himself. He was almost out when Linden screamed. He sat up and looked down at her. Despite the scream, she hadn't woken. He was torn, uncertain if he should wake her up or not. "Linden?"
She made some kind of noise, sounding more like a frightened animal than a woman, and he wrapped his arms around her, trying to hold her still. She was shaking like someone in need of a fix, and he would have given it to her if he had something for her. She didn't need drugs, though. She needed something that he didn't think he could give her. Maybe Mr. Sonoma could. She should be with him, then, not here in Holder's bed. What the hell did he have to offer her anyway? He was a messed up addict who couldn't be trusted with his own paycheck. He'd stolen from his own nephew.
Linden's trembling stopped, but now she was wrapped around him so tightly he couldn't hardly breathe. Not like there was much of him to hold onto these days. He'd been thin before, and he'd lost a lot of weight when he started using, and he hadn't gained much of it back.
"Damn, girl, when you grab a hold of something, you don't let go, do you?" he asked, looking down at her with amusement. "I knew I was irresistible."
It wasn't as fun to tease her when she wasn't awake to give him that look, but it made him more comfortable with the whole thing. He smiled a little as he closed his eyes again.
Linden's eyes opened slowly, and she looked around in confusion. She could hear snoring, and she quickly identified that as coming from Holder. As soon as she did, she winced. What the hell had she been thinking? Had she been thinking?
Not really. She'd missed the flight to Sonoma again, and she was pissed. Her son had called up one of his friends and made arrangements to stay overnight right away, and she'd let him because she didn't even want to hear what he'd have to say about missing the flight.
Winding up on Holder's doorstep had never been part of the plan. Kissing him had definitely not been a part of it. It was just that smirk he had when he opened the door and said she didn't want to go to Sonoma-she'd had to wipe the damn thing off his face.
He'd been pretty damn surprised when she did it, too. That alone had been worth it, but then he'd surprised her by kissing her back and the rest of it was almost a blur. Not a bad blur. That was probably the worst part of it. She was supposed to be getting married. He loved her. He'd asked. He was pissed at her right now, but he was not man she was in bed with.
She took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair. Leaving Holder snoring on the bed, she got up and started looking for her clothes. She was pulling her sweater over her head when he spoke. "I'll make you coffee if you want."
"Thought you were sleeping."
"Not a very heavy sleeper when I'm not high," he answered, swinging out of the bed completely naked and apparently without any shame. He walked out of the room, headed for his kitchen. She stared after him for a moment, wondering how she was going to handle this.
Best to tell him it wasn't going any further than last night and get it over with. She finished getting dressed and met him in the kitchen. He had a cup waiting for her, rich and black and perfect. She looked at him over the cup. "Holder-"
"No worries, Linden. I know you got a plane to catch."
She watched him for a moment. He sounded like he meant it, and that should be fine. Better than fine. Let them both walk away from this without a lot of fuss or hurt feelings or false expectations. It was what it was, nothing more. She forced herself to nod. "Good."
"How's the coffee?"
"Good."
He smiled a little. "Guess I should ask how it was then, since everything is getting a 'good' this morning."
She rolled her eyes as she shook her head. "You should probably think about putting on some clothes."
He looked down and then back up at her with a grin. "Why hide perfection?"
She found herself smiling. She couldn't help it. He was so ridiculous sometimes that the only thing to do was smile. She took another sip of her coffee, trying to ignore the bad idea that had just come to her. Walk away clean, Linden.
"When's the flight?"
He was thinking the same thing, wasn't he? Damn it. She could lie. She could tell him that she had to leave to make it this time, but she didn't want to. That surprised her. She shouldn't want this that badly. Last night wasn't about anything more than being pissed off and taking advantage of Holder because he happened to be available.
Even as annoying and messed up as he was, he deserved better. "I haven't rescheduled it yet."
He nodded. "You have time to enjoy your coffee, then."
Oh, to hell with it, she thought, setting the coffee aside and grabbing a hold of him again. His arms went around her waist, pushing her up against the counter. "You didn't get dressed on purpose."
"I never wear clothes if I can help it, Linden. Don't get any ideas that you're special."
"Shut up, Holder."
Chapter Two