if only forever lasted long enough
:]
Jinri loves Soojung. More than anything in the world but that person waving and keeping a smile in front of a crowd of strangers that shout their names and yell proposals for marriage - that person, Krystal. She doesn't know her. Nobody does. Nobody will ever.
Soojung also loves Jinri but Soojung is only a part of the past. Jinri is also Sulli but Soojung is not Krystal. Krystal says that Soojung doesn't exist anymore and Sulli believes her.
Jessica tells her that she's playing a facade. A face that doesn't need pity. A personality that can stand up for herself. A persona that defines confidence. Krystal's all that but sometimes Sulli thinks that she still can't bring herself to like this new person in front of her.
Jinri stumbles upon Krystal in their dorm. The others aren't around and it is only proper to say hello to a group mate. (It's all that she can be in her life, a group mate. It's such a pity.)
And so she does just that. In return, she receives a nod and a faint smile that reminds her so much of what was. (It's all that she can also be, what was. It's certainly a pity.)
She dashes to her room shortly after calling Victoria, asking her what time will she be home and begging her to go home early. Of course it can't be that easy. Nothing was.
The sound of heels clicking against the tiled floor is heard then comes a knock on the door. Krystal pushes the door open and Sulli jolts upward. The silence that hang between them grew awkward.
It's not supposed to be that way.
“Victoria Unnie said that I can stay here for the night.”
“Where do you sleep though? Some people removed the top part of the bunk bed that we used to have so.......unless you.....I mean.....will you....”
“I was thinking maybe we can share the same bed because you know, Sunyoung Unnie does that thing...”
“Oh.”
“Is that a yes?”
“I have no other choice right?”
“I don't know.”
//////
Sulli sits up and eyes the high heels that Krystal placed at a corner. She doesn't know when exactly but she thinks she's grown detached from Soojung ever since she wore those heels. During practice hours, she wears them and her game face to tell (or threaten maybe) everyone that she's Jung Soojung and one day she's going to be big.
Sulli shifts her gaze to Krystal's face. Without the make-up and the accessories, without the fine lines of the entertainment industry, there is no trace of Krystal. Sulli wants this person to remain forever, apparently forever lasted only until morning.
Krystal wakes up and the other side of the bed's cold. Sulli rarely wakes up early. She tells herself but then they've been apart and she doesn't know who Sulli is now.
She opens the door and spots Sulli watching a soccer game while stuffing her mouth with cereals. Sulli never had a thing for soccer or maybe she does now.
“You've changed.”
One sentence is enough to tick her off. “I've changed? Have you seen your reflection in the mirror lately? Oh, yes you have......Almost every freaking minute, right?”
“I didn't mean it....th--”
“Forget it. Just act like this never happened.” Sulli's voice becomes timid.
“I'm really sorry, Jinri..”
“An apology can't save everything, Krystal. We're not kids anymore where everything can be dealt with a sorry and a few tears.” Jinri emphasizes on her name, nickname, whatever. Maybe it would hurt her even a bit that way.
“Hello kids!” greets Victoria. A loud and cheerful one that broke the tense and rigid atmosphere. “Wow! I see our Soojung joined Jinri yesterday. Was it fun? Soojung-ah, join us here. Jinri doesn't like doing aegyo in front of eomma and Sunyoung is just too much. Soojung-ah, have you eaten already? What do you want, I'll cook anything for you.”
She catches Sulli roll her eyes. Maybe it's because of something that Victoria said.
“Soojung will definitely eat anything that eomma cooks.”
Then she sees her leave, walking past the two of them and Sunyoung Unnie that just walked in the kitchen.
“Isn't she moody today? What did you two do yesterday, Soojung?”
“Nothing....”
On. awkward atmosphere.
///////
“Why are you avoiding me?”
“I'm not.” Jinri's gazing at the small lights from the busy street below. The lights from the buildings adjacent still come in view but she focuses on the road still.
“Then look at me and tell me what you told me when we first met.”
A memory draws Jinri back. She snaps back to reality. “I can't....”
“Why?”
“we're not under the same circumstances and I'm not entirely sure of what to feel....anymore.”
“Why did you like me back then?”
“Because you were Soojung.” She laughs. “Do I need a lot of reasons? That sums up everything actually.”
“But I still am....Soojung.” Her voice trails off. Is she?
“Okay. Let's just pretend that tonight you are Soojung.” Jinri takes a deep breath, closes her eyes and cups Krystal's face in her hands.
“Jung Soojung-ah. Can you promise me that we'll always be together?”
“Together, I promise.” The memories of childhood comes running back to Krystal's arms like a child who long missed it's mother. Tears roll down her cheeks in joy. Oh, this is how genuine happiness feels like.
Jinri blinks an eye open and chuckles lightly. “For an actress, you're not doing a very good job. Soojung didn't cry before.”
“Well, Jinri didn't say that either.”
Jinri wipes away her tears and shouts at the top of her lungs. “Jung Soojung and Choi Jinri will always be together. We're going to be inseparable. Forever. Always.”
Krystal sits down and cries until she can't cry a tear anymore. Jinri sits down next to her.
“It doesn't feel the same, does it?”
This is only time she felt like Jung Soojung again. Jung Soojung who dreamed of nothing but being happy. Jung Soojung who promised of something like love. Jinri was right though. It's not the same.
Krystal inches closer to her and plants a kiss on her lips.
Krystal hates the morning sometimes. It reminds her of what could have been but will never be.
Krystal hates opening her eyes to the new morning, all because she knows forever has ended the moment she did.
:]
i personally do not like how this turned out to be. i liked it better when it was just all in my head. about 48 hours before i jot this down.