Under Achieving

[brookes_leaves]

Lately I haven't been sleeping well and I'm really tired of it. So I finally gave in and took a sleeping pill. No worries, it's over the counter, Simply Sleep by Tylenol so it's like Tylenol PM without the Tylenol. :D But I've got to get my sleep schedule to a more academically appropriate cycle. Because it's gotten a little ridiculous lately.

Comments

[cranky__crocus]

This is essentially the post I've been waiting for days to post. Only I've realised I don't WANT to go back to the form of over-achieving I previously had. I don't want to keep pretending and thinking that my sense of self-worth comes from the sort of intelligence proven with grades. It was driving me mad - is driving me mad - and it's exhausting and it's not true. So I'm sick of it. I have been pulling the plug

[brookes_leaves]

I love your analogy! It's so great! And I agree with you on so much. I still feel kind of lazy when I don't do my best on something or I wait until the last minute to study/do homework. But I have all of these things I want to do all the time. Write, paint, draw, etc. that I often get disappointed with the results when I do. Because I'm not the best and I have such high hopes and expectations. It's hard when you disappoint yourself. :/

[cranky__crocus]

I guess my difference is that I've always procrastinated...but that didn't mean I didn't do my best. I've always worked harder than most other people, even last minute. Just seemed to be how I worked - needed the deadline to drive me and work me through my perfectionism. Just having to get it done.

I want to be an imperfectionist.

[aygul]

I can relate to all of this. Well, except the musician/artist bits. Replace it with math, science, history, writing, memorizing useless rpg rules, etc.

I want that drive to excel even when I don't need to back so badly. Whatever made me care about doing my best when minimal effort would get the same result. But at the same time there was a reason that slipped away and I don't want to make myself more miserable.

[brookes_leaves]

lol Anytime I want to do something, I want to be the best. I don't think I was ever miserable with that drive, but I found that there were things that I enjoyed as much if not more and I let those become priority. My problem now is that I still want to be the best, I just don't have the motivation to be. Especially when I'm focused on so many different things at once.

[lovemefortrueme]

I can also relate to a lot of this...

I'm currently just coasting but doing well. I won't let myself get "bad marks" but I know that if I put the effort in, I could get even better marks. I also relate to not being the best at anything. Though I think I'm slowly but finally finding things out of the group of things that I'm good at that I can excel at, when I was younger I always wished that I could just be amazing at one thing. I was an over achiever and now... Like you sort of said, I've some how become an under achiever who manages to still do well, but I know it's not good enough. It's frustrating... But I guess the best thing in this is attempting to push yourself to do your best even though it's hard, or let some of it go and meet somewhere in the middle. I don't know. It's an interesting place to be in.

And the teacher's pet being related thing... I remember how things made sense when I realized that connection for myself too. All my favourite teachers from when I was younger? Definitely related. Makes sense.

[brookes_leaves]

It's a confusing place to be in, for sure. I guess we have to find the middle ground and know when to push and when to step back and say, "Hey. If I don't do 100% on this, it's not going to jeopardize everything."