blues dancing
Now, I know that a lot of you think I'm an excellent dancer. Most days I agree with you, but blues dance is always intimidating to me. For one thing, as a lead, the odds are always against your favor of finding a partner to dance with. Another thing is the Friday Night Blues is full of leads who travel around the world teaching blues and teach it on a regular basis for insane amounts of money. So blues often makes me feel like the most basic rank amateur around.
Last night, there was a live band, which was great, because they had amazing music, unlike the blues band I went to see on Thursday at Ashkenaz, which was more swing than blues. There was also the problem at Ashkenaz of everyone being 20-40 years older than the typical blues dancer in the blues scene, and all of them dancing exclusively with whatever partner they brought along (I won't even get into the lesson). I got quite a few comments about how much people liked watching me tear up the floor there with Caroline, who was certain that I was just showing off. I just had pent up dance energy to blow off after no one showed up to my Tango class which I had spent a week preparing a lesson plan for. I'm thinking of renting out space at The Works dance studio in Berkeley. It's not that expensive per hour, but I'd need a solid commitment from some people to get it started, and I'd need to get money for the deposit from somewhere.
So, back to Friday Night Blues. I was having a bit of a lackluster start to the night, not really getting into the groove. After I couldn't find a partner 3 or 4 songs in a row, I started to feel like crap. I was looking around at how it looked like everyone was a better dancer than I was, getting depressed, and falling into that death spiral of self questioning. Dancing doesn't work when you're depressed, so even if I had found a partner, I would have continued down the spiral. I thought about just leaving, but this was a common feeling I'd get at blues, and I wanted to tough it out. I went to my backpack and grabbed my sketchbook to continue the dance doodlings I'd been working on during the lessons. Before I could touch my pencil to my paper, a cute girl who'd asked me to dance earlier came and sat down very close next to me. At first, I was totally oblivious and just blathering on about nothing. Then I noticed and got really nervous. After a few snippets of small talk, she went off to get water. However, in coming to talk to me, she had completely dispelled all of my self doubts and depression. it was an amazing and quick transition. Suddenly I was smiling inside, confident, and ready to go. I sat there for a few moments pondering how such a small gesture had turned my evening around completely, then went to put away my notebook and dance. I ran into the girl next to my bag and danced the next song with her, but this time I was in the groove and really got myself lost in the music. For the rest of the evening, I had a great time dancing. All my inhibitions had melted away and I just let loose on the floor. It was wonderful.
I started the evening questioning whether I should bother to keep going to blues, but ended with a clear reminder of why I love blues so much. I got to dance with all my friends who were there tonight, and really felt connected to my partners, even if I still feel like a bit of an outsider to the greater blues scene.