APP BRO ✖ heads UP, here's another app
[ OOC Information:]
[NAME:] Hils
[AGE:] 19
[AIM:] musicsdyslexkia
[E-MAIL:] deanpants[at]gmail.com
[ IC Information: ]
[NAME:] Brad Bradjamin Bro Goddamn Strider
[FANDOM:] Homestuck
[TIMELINE:] After page 4828; post-death.
[AGE:] ~30 years old
[APPEARANCE:] Goddamn, look at this awesome motherfucker. There aren't even words to begin to describe this guy, you can't even think. He's got all these LIMBS and shit, and this badass combo jeans with white polo shirt? Abercrombie models can't work this jazz like this dude can. The collar is motherfucking popped, you just cannot even top that. Top that off with a badass baseball cap and it's just unthinkable. Fuck. How can you even handle all of this awesome?
He's all ridiculously tall and shit, and that spiked hair could conquer words. That is fucking right. This is a ginger that could conquer worlds. Everyone look the fuck out. All this ironic fashion packaged into one badass motherfucker, this shit is unbearable. And those shades. THOSE GODDAMN SHADES. Kamina ain't got nothing on this guy, they are all pointy and shit. Better check your coats at the door because this is about to get so real. Take one look at this guy and the only thought that can pass through your mind, it's not, "What a fucking tool," no, that would be too easy. Your thoughts are, "Fuck, this guy is so goddamn badass. Might as well give up."
That's what's up.
[ABILITIES:] Bro is, predominately, human. He looks very human, and he's physically vulnerable like a human is. However, insofar as fighting, Bro is fast - VERY fast. He's able to employ a kind of flash step that allows him to not only dodge but predict attacks and counter ahead of time, moving faster than the naked eye can really register. When fighting with Dave, it appears that Dave isn't even hitting Bro at all, but instead an after-image of Bro while Bro waits safely off to the side. He's a guardian, and as such, he's very good, even holding his own against Jack Noir in a duel (before he received his fourth prototyping).
He can also cut goddamn meteors in half. So there's that.
He seems to have several strife specibi in his strife portfolio, allowing him to fight with a variety of weapons. Amongst them, he generally uses his katana as well as a favorite puppet of his, Lil Cal. Bro is also very successful with computers, running several of his own creepy websites. He knows how to fully weaponize a sylladex so that dangerous objects can be propelled out of the thing and towards any enemies, his own sylladex programmed with a complex hash map setting that he presumably did himself. He has taught his brother everything that he knows.
[PERSONALITY:] In short, Bro is a fucking weirdo.
There's something very immediately off about him, in how he words things and in how he acts in general. He rambles about strange things, employs a lot of pop culture (both obscure and popular) into his vocabulary, and he makes up idioms and analogies that don't really make sense to anyone but him. It's very clear that he had a very unconventional upbringing, though it's not immediately detailed what that upbringing entailed, or what made him quite so odd as he is.
Including puppet websites. Uh. They're kind of messed.
Basically, Bro operates under the golden rule of irony. Most of everything about him is very ironic in general - how he dresses, how he acts, how he speaks. He doesn't mean for anything he says to be taken at face value, because he is just a ridiculous motherfucker and that would be silly. He basically acts like every toolbag with whom everyone is very familiar: Confident, cool guy bullshit, complete with popped collar and badass sunglasses. Ostensibly, nothing bothers him, and he takes everything absolutely and completely in stride, appearing too cool for all these EMOTIONS and shit. That shit's whack.
As such, Bro is very flippant. He doesn't seem to have much concern insofar as danger, very lackadaisical about things that are potentially fatal - specifically, he's shown shoving Dave down a flight of stairs (something that seems a regular occurrence), throwing babies, and fighting Jack fucking Noir by bopping him in the face with manly puppet fists. It is all very goofy. His and Dave's apartment very rarely had any food in the fridge or the cupboards, just because Bro would often forget to bring any home. In many ways, he's still very much a teenager, and probably ill-equipped to have even been a father in the first place.
Despite all of this, Bro shows a very large sense of importance, as well as a deep awareness of the game of Sburb and some of what it's going to entail. He spends long hours and hours fighting with Dave, generally dueling on the rooftop of their apartment complex, as well as other various fucking around. The mind games he plays with his brother seem silly (and borderline abusive) at first glance, but a lot of how Bro raised Dave was intentionally geared towards readying Dave for Sburb and what he's going to encounter. He seems to have been doing everything in his power to make sure Dave was prepared for this game.
He cuts a meteor in half for him, man. Yeah. He's devoted to his brother.
[HISTORY:] Once upon a time, John Egbert pushed some buttons, and it made the most ridiculously and pimptastically awesome person in the entire goddamn world. And that is the gospel truth.
Bro is a paradox clone, which basically means, via some fucked up time shit, he is a clone of himself. Who is a clone of himself who is a clone of himself who is a clone of -- okay, basically, it is crazy. He was made, he was sent back in time, and he rocked that casbah. Nobody knows how the hell shit went down from there. Maybe he was raised by wolves. Maybe he was raised by puppets. Maybe he was raised by a dirty hobo named frank, who kept corn cobs in his beard. What's important is that, many years later, another ectobiological goobaby was sent back in time as well - thirteen years, to be exact.
Armed with awesome glasses and not much else, Bro resolved to take care of that ectobiological goobaby.
There was a crash-landing at his favorite record shop, involving a dead pony and some other weird shit. Bro carted back an entire horse under his arm, and raised this tiny awesome child in strange ways involving heart t-shirts and horse leather bibs. This tiny awesome child was a little rascal who didn't eat his goddamn food when he was supposed to. Bro was around seventeen years old and way too young to be doing this parent shit.
Basically, there is a reason that Dave is very weird. Bro raised money by means of exceedingly strange and "ironic" websites, including one for puppet porn. The two are often engaged in increasingly strange battles, some dipping more towards mind games (Bro often leaves Lil Cal sitting just behind Dave in order to freak him out, as well as cryptic messages left around the apartment)), others involving actual physical traps and battles (generally crescendoing into a rooftop battle, which Dave Will Lose). Ostensibly, this is all preparation for Dave's game experience.
Then the game actually happened.
Dave used Bro's Sburb beta disc in order to enter the game, and from there, Bro ensured his entrance into the Medium. He cut an entire meteor in half (NO, THAT WILL NEVER GET OLD), one that was heading right towards Dave, in order to buy Dave time for his cruxite egg to hatch. He sends Dave and the egg into the Medium on his awesome, awesome hoverboard.
Bro fights so much crazy shit in the Medium, so much. He kills the fuck out of tentacle'd underlings, and duels Jack Noir himself after Jack slaughters the Armies of Light and Darkness, on a huge beat mesa. Bro cracks the platform by plunging his sword into it, releasing unknown energy; Jack absconds the fuck out of there.
Because of his pace and his flippancy, Bro is a hard guy to keep track of. Terezi mentions never seeing him between his entry into the Medium and the Scratch, and even Davesprite can't seem to keep tabs on him.
Jack retrieves Bro's sword from the Beat Mesa, returning it to Bro in the Land of Wind and Shade, seemingly craving a rematch on their earlier duel. Bro slaps Jack's shit up with Lil Cal, as Davesprite joins in, the two overpowering him. Jack basically flips the fuck out, starting to set the oil rivers of LOWAS on fire.
In the process, Jade finally enters the Medium, having completed the prototyping of her own sprite - with Bec, her own guardian. Consequentially, Jack becomes even more powerful, suddenly and unpredictably so. He easily overpowers both Bro and Davesprite, presumably murdering the two of them (Bro, seemingly a little spitefully). This is where Bro is going to be taken from.
[RP SAMPLE - LOG:] I BRING YOU TWO THINGS.HOPEFULLY these will count towards being log samples. They're obviously headcanon, but they're supposed to have taken place during the events of Homestuck, with guest appearances by Dave. If these aren't all right, please please let me know, I'll write up another one right quick.
[RP SAMPLE - JOURNAL:] text / video
alright all you bitches and wild crackas
lets us get some factolas straight
angelina brolie dont look good in white alright
it makes her look mighty washed out
[ The video flickers on, to some weird dude propped up against a wall, sitting on his newfound bed over here in East Bumfuck, Wherever. He doesn't really know where he is, to be honest, and that's kind of weird. He thinks of dangerous times involving Dave and legs, which seem nearer than the remembers them being, and that's even weirder. ]
[ Bro Strider scratches at his chin. ]
Give up the goods, assholes, let's see what you got. I'm on Baltic with crack over here, and mama wants some goddamn answers. This shit looks like some Twilight Zone. Like if General Hospital fucked the opening to every frigging zombie movie that exists and now I'm walking some goddamn halls with my soda cans. This shit ain't cool.
I'm blowin' my rape whistle in: Five. Four.
[ He adjusts his sunglasses. They are very pointy. He is making this face: B[ ]
Three. ...Two.
Questions? Comments? Crazed and creative statements? Those go here.
my hands go up and down
like strippers booties go
B[