Comments | bru160: A tiny little story written by...ME! :)

bru160

A tiny little story written by...ME! :)

May 18, 2012 18:43

Hi guys!!

I'm posting here a story, well, a beginning of one I think, that I had to write to one of classes at my university.

I like her, but I still have to make a zillion changes, but I have re-read it so much that I don't know what I wanted to do with it when I started anymore. ( I had to make lots of changes because she had to be at maximum two ( Read more... )

original fiction

Comments 4

donhisiewen May 19 2012, 07:34:15 UTC

It's good but I would like to read more to get a better picture. I like the approach, you tell that there are seven minds and yes, I get the different voices and your one-liners are very beautiful and true. I do tend to sound like that voice who considers food to be very helpful in a situation like this.

These are my favorite lines:
Sleep is always a beautiful and harmless way out.

Courage comes as if it were simple.

And apathy is a great shield when in fear.

It's very, very interesting and I really think you should continue with it. The only thing I'm confused with is Seven's object of affection. You use the pronoun "he" but in another line it reads, “Well, if he says no, I can always find someone better, he is not the only woman available.”

bru160 May 19 2012, 13:03:27 UTC

First, for the woman thing, it is because since it was for college, and Seven is a man, I didn't think appropriate for the person he loves to be a He ( I hate real life!!!!), but that was my original idea, so I decided to change it already when I decided to post here ( ... )

donhisiewen May 19 2012, 13:24:06 UTC

You're very welcome. You know I always read your posts.

I think the one-liners were the best part. It's also how I think some times, you get a thought and you get a contrary voice all inside your head. It's a wonder how I get things done, really.

praysolace May 19 2012, 21:56:32 UTC

Maximum two pages?? When I had to write short stories for a class, I was given the parameters of 10 to 20 pages (double-spaced, but still). And even then I was always trying to find ways of fudging it so that I could have a little more space! Two pages is too short to do much of anything. Kudos on getting *anything* out like that ( ... )