#112: Kristy and the Sister War, Chapters 1-3
My first snark! Ooh, I'm tingling inside...OK, that sounded kinda wrong. Anyway, on to the snarking!
Chapter 1
"Sit, girl, sit!" Excuse me?! Kristy, I'm a grown woman, and I don't apprecia--oh, you're talking to dog!Shannon. Er, sorry. At least Emily Michelle misunderstood, too, so I don't have to feel so bad. Wait, she's two. It'd be understandable if she got confused. My 24-year-old self has no excuse.
Moving on...
Anyway, after Kristy tells EM that she (Kristy, I mean) was talking to Shannon, EM says "Doggie sit," and Shannon does indeed sit. That's actually rather adorable. (EM deserves better than this wacky-ass family who can't be bothered to dress her half of the time.)
Blah blah, exposition, Watson is rich (not a "real live millionaire"? Ellen Miles, I am disappoint.), Karen is a "live wire." I'd spell and pronounce that "annoying little brat," but, y'know, semantics and all.
Oh, there's the plot again! Where were you?
Kristy's daydreaming/exposition ends with EM yells after dog!Shannon, who has run off towards human!Shannon walking (or, rather, skating) her dog. Oh noes, d!S is on the on the attack! Wait, no, that's just her mom Astrid. Never mind.
The dogs have a mother-daughter reunion (bitches are making me jealous...), blah blah more exposition that anyone who's read oh, six books would know already, human Shannon (fuck this, I'm gonna call her Shanny for the rest of this snark 'cause it's shorter and I've already had enough of this clarifying between human and dog) gets annoyed that she can't get a good workout because Astrid keeps getting distracted. Kristy suggests that Shanny could just exercise later, but poor Shanny is ZOMG ~*~overworked~*~. My heart bleeds for you, hon, really, it does.
Oh, Stoneybrook is having a collective bus trip to the gutter dance for all three middle schools (What?! Why? Oh, forget it, what do I care.). Shanny is on the dance committee (WTF? Why does a dance need a committee?! Oh, right, this is Stoneybrook. Never mind.) and doesn't seem all that enthused about the dance. Eh, she's 13, she'll get excited soon enough. OK, that sounded better in my head.
Anyway, Shanny runs (skates?) off, Kristy thinks it's a "shame" to be busy on "such a beautiful day." Oh, please, it's one busy day, please STFD and STFU.
Chapter 2, finally! (That explosion sound you just heard was the universe shattering because someone is relieved to see Chapter 2 of a BSC book. Hi, my name is Brittany and I broke the universe. No worries, duct tape'll fix it.)
Blah-de-blah, BSC exposition, character description, stuff I honestly don't give a crap about.
"You might call me pushy, you might call me bossy, but one thing you can never call me is lazy." I might also call you "tyrannical."
"We’re just not interested in plopping down in front of the TV with our charges." OH NOES TV IS TEH DEBIL KILL IT NOW BEFORE THE KIDS' BRAINS BECOME MUSH! (*makes appropriate tag*) Also? There's nothing wrong with watching a little TV with your babysitting charge. It keeps the kid from getting too bored and you don't have to worry about him or her getting lost. But wait, the BSC doesn't listen to sensible advice from adults. Huh. I've suddenly found myself on a soapbox. I'll step off now.
No Claudia outfit?! Ah, nuts.
Kristy, sweetheart, what does a New Yorker look like? Do they wear Sophisticated Foundation #981: Diabeetus Chic?
"Mary Anne’s ultra-sensitive, ultra-gentle (am I making her sound like a facial tissue?)" Yes, you are. Now get her some because she just started crying.
Yay, no "OMG JESSI IS BLACK BUT WE'RE OK WITH IT, HONESTLY Y'ALL" crap, Kristy merely says that Jessi has chocolate-brown skin. Why couldn't they have done that in the eariler books?! OK, OK, calm down, Self. It's just fiction.
Plot! Mrs. Kilbourne calls, needing a sitter for Tiffany and Maria for several afternoons (She's joining the dance committee, you see). Kristy gets the job. w00t, chapter's over.
(God, this is getting long. Mmmm, just one more chapter for now.)
Chapter 3
Babysitting time! Oh, joy.
Kristy greets Tiffany and Maria cheerfully, T&M are not exactly thrilled. The whole "Kristy is cheerful, T&M aren't" thing goes on for a bit until Kristy gets annoyed and declares a meeting. Alert the BSC! Oh, wait, it's not that kind of meeting. Never mind.
T&M go upstairs to change out of their uniforms, then they head to the TV room to liquify their brains talk. T&M are upset because Shanny and their parents aren't paying attention to them. Awww, I can't snark on that. If I were them, I'd be angry, too.
Kristy says she'll help them figure out a way get the rest of family to notice them, and the chapter ends with them energized (they just keep going, and going, and going, and going...) about tackling the problem.
Coming up next: Cunning plans are not thought all the way through, a kids' dance and WAR (What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!)!
Chapter 1
"Sit, girl, sit!" Excuse me?! Kristy, I'm a grown woman, and I don't apprecia--oh, you're talking to dog!Shannon. Er, sorry. At least Emily Michelle misunderstood, too, so I don't have to feel so bad. Wait, she's two. It'd be understandable if she got confused. My 24-year-old self has no excuse.
Moving on...
Anyway, after Kristy tells EM that she (Kristy, I mean) was talking to Shannon, EM says "Doggie sit," and Shannon does indeed sit. That's actually rather adorable. (EM deserves better than this wacky-ass family who can't be bothered to dress her half of the time.)
Blah blah, exposition, Watson is rich (not a "real live millionaire"? Ellen Miles, I am disappoint.), Karen is a "live wire." I'd spell and pronounce that "annoying little brat," but, y'know, semantics and all.
Oh, there's the plot again! Where were you?
Kristy's daydreaming/exposition ends with EM yells after dog!Shannon, who has run off towards human!Shannon walking (or, rather, skating) her dog. Oh noes, d!S is on the on the attack! Wait, no, that's just her mom Astrid. Never mind.
The dogs have a mother-daughter reunion (bitches are making me jealous...), blah blah more exposition that anyone who's read oh, six books would know already, human Shannon (fuck this, I'm gonna call her Shanny for the rest of this snark 'cause it's shorter and I've already had enough of this clarifying between human and dog) gets annoyed that she can't get a good workout because Astrid keeps getting distracted. Kristy suggests that Shanny could just exercise later, but poor Shanny is ZOMG ~*~overworked~*~. My heart bleeds for you, hon, really, it does.
Oh, Stoneybrook is having a collective bus trip to the gutter dance for all three middle schools (What?! Why? Oh, forget it, what do I care.). Shanny is on the dance committee (WTF? Why does a dance need a committee?! Oh, right, this is Stoneybrook. Never mind.) and doesn't seem all that enthused about the dance. Eh, she's 13, she'll get excited soon enough. OK, that sounded better in my head.
Anyway, Shanny runs (skates?) off, Kristy thinks it's a "shame" to be busy on "such a beautiful day." Oh, please, it's one busy day, please STFD and STFU.
Chapter 2, finally! (That explosion sound you just heard was the universe shattering because someone is relieved to see Chapter 2 of a BSC book. Hi, my name is Brittany and I broke the universe. No worries, duct tape'll fix it.)
Blah-de-blah, BSC exposition, character description, stuff I honestly don't give a crap about.
"You might call me pushy, you might call me bossy, but one thing you can never call me is lazy." I might also call you "tyrannical."
"We’re just not interested in plopping down in front of the TV with our charges." OH NOES TV IS TEH DEBIL KILL IT NOW BEFORE THE KIDS' BRAINS BECOME MUSH! (*makes appropriate tag*) Also? There's nothing wrong with watching a little TV with your babysitting charge. It keeps the kid from getting too bored and you don't have to worry about him or her getting lost. But wait, the BSC doesn't listen to sensible advice from adults. Huh. I've suddenly found myself on a soapbox. I'll step off now.
No Claudia outfit?! Ah, nuts.
Kristy, sweetheart, what does a New Yorker look like? Do they wear Sophisticated Foundation #981: Diabeetus Chic?
"Mary Anne’s ultra-sensitive, ultra-gentle (am I making her sound like a facial tissue?)" Yes, you are. Now get her some because she just started crying.
Yay, no "OMG JESSI IS BLACK BUT WE'RE OK WITH IT, HONESTLY Y'ALL" crap, Kristy merely says that Jessi has chocolate-brown skin. Why couldn't they have done that in the eariler books?! OK, OK, calm down, Self. It's just fiction.
Plot! Mrs. Kilbourne calls, needing a sitter for Tiffany and Maria for several afternoons (She's joining the dance committee, you see). Kristy gets the job. w00t, chapter's over.
(God, this is getting long. Mmmm, just one more chapter for now.)
Chapter 3
Babysitting time! Oh, joy.
Kristy greets Tiffany and Maria cheerfully, T&M are not exactly thrilled. The whole "Kristy is cheerful, T&M aren't" thing goes on for a bit until Kristy gets annoyed and declares a meeting. Alert the BSC! Oh, wait, it's not that kind of meeting. Never mind.
T&M go upstairs to change out of their uniforms, then they head to the TV room to liquify their brains talk. T&M are upset because Shanny and their parents aren't paying attention to them. Awww, I can't snark on that. If I were them, I'd be angry, too.
Kristy says she'll help them figure out a way get the rest of family to notice them, and the chapter ends with them energized (they just keep going, and going, and going, and going...) about tackling the problem.
Coming up next: Cunning plans are not thought all the way through, a kids' dance and WAR (What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!)!