#112: Kristy and the Sister War, Chapters 4-6
(Chapters 1-3)
Now let's see if I can get through more than three chapters without wanting to throw something. Deep breaths, deep breaths, calming thoughts...
Chapter 4
Operation SOS (that's Save Our Sister, not...well, anything else that might be abbreviated SOS) is underway! And of course, it all goes pear-shaped and ends up backfiring. But let me back up and introduce myself break this down.
The first item on the SOS list (Did I forget to mention that Tiffany and Maria had made a list of what they were going to do? I might have. If so, sorry, my bad. Well, whatever) is "Make Shannon's Favorite Cookies", namely snickerdoodles (And now I want some. Dammit.). The "Betty Crocker thing" (Kristy's words) is a disaster. For starters, the butter is too cold (Kristy suggests putting it in the microwave for a few seconds, I'm thinking it might have to go in there a little longer than that since the butter had been in the fridge all day, but whatever and holy run-on sentence, Batman!), the raisins are a little too dry (fixed by pouring a bit of hot water over them), T&M can't stop arguing, one batch burns and the second gets stuck to the pan (They didn't grease it? Surely Kristy would've known to do that, since she's made "more than a few batches of cookies" before. Then again, cookies do like to frustrate the baker by hanging on to their sheets for dear life.).
Interlude: The Steadfast Cookies
Cookie 1: Nooooooo! I won't let go!
Cookie 2: Never!
Cookie 3: Will you two be quiet?
Cookies 1&2: Oh, stuff it!
See? Frustrating!
But back to snarking!
The third batch of cookies isn't so hot, either, because there are no raisins left (This is a problem? Snickerdoodles don't have to have raisins in them...). Oh, and the kitchen? Is a mess, and I must quote this passage:
Meanwhile, the kitchen was taking on the look of one of those I Love Lucy episodes in which everything goes wrong. There was cookie dough everywhere - on the faucets, on the oven knobs, on the refrigerator door handle, even on the ceiling. (Don’t ask me how it ended up there.) Flour dusted every surface, walnuts crunched underfoot, and the sink was overflowing with bowls, spatulas, baking sheets, and measuring spoons.
Yeah.
Mrs. K comes home then, surveys the mess, then reminds T&M that they have plans that night (TIffany's going to a classmate's [friend's? I'm not sure, and the book doesn't specify.] house to work on a science project, Maria has a swim team meeting and Mr. and Mrs. K are going to a dinner party). But who's gonna clean up the mess? Mrs. K, Tiffany and Maria can't clean it since they have to leave soon, Kristy can't do it (though she knew she should've) because she promised to make dinner and Mr. K can't do it, either (And really? A married man doing housework in the BSC-verse? Unheard of! Blasphemy! The horror!) so who does that leave? Why, dear Shanny, of course! I'm sure she'll be thrilled to clean that up!
Item #2 (Walk Astrid) doesn't go well, either, because Astrid (why must that name be so diffcult to type?!) spots Noodle (the Papadakises' poodle) and playfully chases after him. Uh-oh, calling Astrid back isn't working? Better get Shanny to help!
As for Item #3 (Help Shannon With Homework--and really Kristy? You had doubts about it and didn't say anything? Geez...)? Well, that didn't work out (surprised?) because T&M don't understand algebra yet, and Shanny had to explain the mistakes in front of her entire class. She's not pleased, saying "Next time you want to ‘help’ somebody, do her a favor and just stay away."
Now you'd think Kristy would tell T&M to stop trying to help, right? Yeah, no.
Let's just say that Item #4 (Clean Shannon's Room) is a fiasco. Or as Kristy put it:
I won’t even go into the gory details. Just imagine a malfunctioning vacuum cleaner that blows out instead of sucking in - and a pile of carefully arranged French Club notes. Imagine trying to dust with upholstery cleaner instead of Lemon Pledge. Imagine washing windows with a greasy rag. I think you’ll understand why the room-cleaning disaster was the last straw.
Shannon has had enough and tells T&M to "stay out of her room, her business - and her face"
(Man, why am I so long-winded? This may end up being just three chapters instead of the five I'd planned to do today.)
Chapter 5
Ugh, side plot. I'll skim and do bullet points.
Summary: Mrs. K and Shanny are at a dance committee meeting, and T&M aren't in a good mood because they're feeling left out. Kristy has one of her Great Ideas (and yes, it's capitalized in the book): an All-Kids Dance! I'm totally tingling with anticipation. I can't be more excited than I am now.
(Figure 1: gimere at the absolute zenith of her "exitmint")
Anyway, Kristy calls Claudia (who's babysitting the Kormans) which starts a flurry of calls to other kids, who all head to the Komans' house. Blah de blah, kids argue, Kristy calms them down, kids excitedly plan dance, gimere does not care about this freakin' dance.
- Claudia, hon, what's an "exitmint" and where can I get some? Oh, you mean "excitement"! Right...
- "Why couldn’t there be an All-Kids Dance?" Because the kids might feel pressured to find dates, Kristy? (Oops, spoiler!)
- "the quickest smile I’ve ever seen" What the hell, person who typed up this ebook!
- "I stuck two fingers in my mouth and gave the loudest whistle I’m capable of. I bet Astrid heard it, even with all the windows closed." Considering how loud Kristy can be, I'll believe that.
- Claudia tries to get Kristy a date for the dance (the school dance, not the kids' one! Go away, Pedobear...), Kristy wisely suggests a trial run so she can see if she likes the guy before going to the dance with him. "Great idea!" Claud shouts (and thankfully, "idea" is not capitalized again)
- "I rolled my eyes. What was I getting myself into?" Kristy, if you're that worried, why didn't you say no?
OK, the next chapter will be the last one for now, because I can't take much more of this book.
Chapter 6
That's right, y'all. Tiffany and Maria have declared war on Shanny! And I can't resist quoting this from their declaration:
The reason for this war is that Shannon is a Big Meanie.
BAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, that's beautiful.
Anyway, T&M have made another list which included "every nasty prank, obnoxious trick, and diabolical deed two little girls could think up." Kristy says that she tried to stop them, but T&M didn't care (FFS, Kristy, talk to Mrs. K about it!) and were going to war anyway.
First item on the war list is "Drive Shannon Crazy." T&M accomplish this by not laughing when Shanny tells a funny story about something that happened during math class and randomly replacing words with "Shannon" while talking to each other ("Excuse me, but could you pass the Shannon?" "Wasn’t it a Shannon day today?" "But don’t Shannon with your Shannon full. It’s rude.") Shanny is not amused (but I am!) and tells them to cut it out ("Shannon it out? Why?").
T&M keep up the "make 'Shannon' a household word" thing for awhile until Mrs. K catches on and makes them stop.
Item #2 (Mess Up Shannon's Schedule) also works, Shanny misses an Honor Society meeting and an Astronomy Club planning session. She nearly misses a French Club meeting, but luckily for her, another club member calls her. Shanny quickly realizes that T&M are to blame and tells them to knock it off before she leaves. T&M are all "Whatever" and move on with the rest of their list, which I will quote:
“Forget” Shannon’s Phone Messages
Steal Shannon’s Homework
Hide Shannon’s Shoes
Short-Sheet Shannon’s Bed
Put Soap On Shannon’s Toothbrush
Hide Shannon’s Deoderant
Mess Up Shannon’s Sock Drawer
Put Itching Powder In Shannon’s Shoes
But they don't unnerve Shanny (in fact, she pretty much ignores them except to tell them how she felt about the pranks. Uh-oh! Looks like T&M are losing the Sister War! Whatever will they do now?
OK, that's it for now, 'cause this book is annoying me. The next three chapters will be up soon.
Until then, Shannon you later!
Now let's see if I can get through more than three chapters without wanting to throw something. Deep breaths, deep breaths, calming thoughts...
Chapter 4
Operation SOS (that's Save Our Sister, not...well, anything else that might be abbreviated SOS) is underway! And of course, it all goes pear-shaped and ends up backfiring. But let me back up and introduce myself break this down.
The first item on the SOS list (Did I forget to mention that Tiffany and Maria had made a list of what they were going to do? I might have. If so, sorry, my bad. Well, whatever) is "Make Shannon's Favorite Cookies", namely snickerdoodles (And now I want some. Dammit.). The "Betty Crocker thing" (Kristy's words) is a disaster. For starters, the butter is too cold (Kristy suggests putting it in the microwave for a few seconds, I'm thinking it might have to go in there a little longer than that since the butter had been in the fridge all day, but whatever and holy run-on sentence, Batman!), the raisins are a little too dry (fixed by pouring a bit of hot water over them), T&M can't stop arguing, one batch burns and the second gets stuck to the pan (They didn't grease it? Surely Kristy would've known to do that, since she's made "more than a few batches of cookies" before. Then again, cookies do like to frustrate the baker by hanging on to their sheets for dear life.).
Interlude: The Steadfast Cookies
Cookie 1: Nooooooo! I won't let go!
Cookie 2: Never!
Cookie 3: Will you two be quiet?
Cookies 1&2: Oh, stuff it!
See? Frustrating!
But back to snarking!
The third batch of cookies isn't so hot, either, because there are no raisins left (This is a problem? Snickerdoodles don't have to have raisins in them...). Oh, and the kitchen? Is a mess, and I must quote this passage:
Meanwhile, the kitchen was taking on the look of one of those I Love Lucy episodes in which everything goes wrong. There was cookie dough everywhere - on the faucets, on the oven knobs, on the refrigerator door handle, even on the ceiling. (Don’t ask me how it ended up there.) Flour dusted every surface, walnuts crunched underfoot, and the sink was overflowing with bowls, spatulas, baking sheets, and measuring spoons.
Yeah.
Mrs. K comes home then, surveys the mess, then reminds T&M that they have plans that night (TIffany's going to a classmate's [friend's? I'm not sure, and the book doesn't specify.] house to work on a science project, Maria has a swim team meeting and Mr. and Mrs. K are going to a dinner party). But who's gonna clean up the mess? Mrs. K, Tiffany and Maria can't clean it since they have to leave soon, Kristy can't do it (though she knew she should've) because she promised to make dinner and Mr. K can't do it, either (And really? A married man doing housework in the BSC-verse? Unheard of! Blasphemy! The horror!) so who does that leave? Why, dear Shanny, of course! I'm sure she'll be thrilled to clean that up!
Item #2 (Walk Astrid) doesn't go well, either, because Astrid (why must that name be so diffcult to type?!) spots Noodle (the Papadakises' poodle) and playfully chases after him. Uh-oh, calling Astrid back isn't working? Better get Shanny to help!
As for Item #3 (Help Shannon With Homework--and really Kristy? You had doubts about it and didn't say anything? Geez...)? Well, that didn't work out (surprised?) because T&M don't understand algebra yet, and Shanny had to explain the mistakes in front of her entire class. She's not pleased, saying "Next time you want to ‘help’ somebody, do her a favor and just stay away."
Now you'd think Kristy would tell T&M to stop trying to help, right? Yeah, no.
Let's just say that Item #4 (Clean Shannon's Room) is a fiasco. Or as Kristy put it:
I won’t even go into the gory details. Just imagine a malfunctioning vacuum cleaner that blows out instead of sucking in - and a pile of carefully arranged French Club notes. Imagine trying to dust with upholstery cleaner instead of Lemon Pledge. Imagine washing windows with a greasy rag. I think you’ll understand why the room-cleaning disaster was the last straw.
Shannon has had enough and tells T&M to "stay out of her room, her business - and her face"
(Man, why am I so long-winded? This may end up being just three chapters instead of the five I'd planned to do today.)
Chapter 5
Ugh, side plot. I'll skim and do bullet points.
Summary: Mrs. K and Shanny are at a dance committee meeting, and T&M aren't in a good mood because they're feeling left out. Kristy has one of her Great Ideas (and yes, it's capitalized in the book): an All-Kids Dance! I'm totally tingling with anticipation. I can't be more excited than I am now.
(Figure 1: gimere at the absolute zenith of her "exitmint")
Anyway, Kristy calls Claudia (who's babysitting the Kormans) which starts a flurry of calls to other kids, who all head to the Komans' house. Blah de blah, kids argue, Kristy calms them down, kids excitedly plan dance, gimere does not care about this freakin' dance.
- Claudia, hon, what's an "exitmint" and where can I get some? Oh, you mean "excitement"! Right...
- "Why couldn’t there be an All-Kids Dance?" Because the kids might feel pressured to find dates, Kristy? (Oops, spoiler!)
- "the quickest smile I’ve ever seen" What the hell, person who typed up this ebook!
- "I stuck two fingers in my mouth and gave the loudest whistle I’m capable of. I bet Astrid heard it, even with all the windows closed." Considering how loud Kristy can be, I'll believe that.
- Claudia tries to get Kristy a date for the dance (the school dance, not the kids' one! Go away, Pedobear...), Kristy wisely suggests a trial run so she can see if she likes the guy before going to the dance with him. "Great idea!" Claud shouts (and thankfully, "idea" is not capitalized again)
- "I rolled my eyes. What was I getting myself into?" Kristy, if you're that worried, why didn't you say no?
OK, the next chapter will be the last one for now, because I can't take much more of this book.
Chapter 6
Click to viewThat's right, y'all. Tiffany and Maria have declared war on Shanny! And I can't resist quoting this from their declaration:
The reason for this war is that Shannon is a Big Meanie.
BAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, that's beautiful.
Anyway, T&M have made another list which included "every nasty prank, obnoxious trick, and diabolical deed two little girls could think up." Kristy says that she tried to stop them, but T&M didn't care (FFS, Kristy, talk to Mrs. K about it!) and were going to war anyway.
First item on the war list is "Drive Shannon Crazy." T&M accomplish this by not laughing when Shanny tells a funny story about something that happened during math class and randomly replacing words with "Shannon" while talking to each other ("Excuse me, but could you pass the Shannon?" "Wasn’t it a Shannon day today?" "But don’t Shannon with your Shannon full. It’s rude.") Shanny is not amused (but I am!) and tells them to cut it out ("Shannon it out? Why?").
T&M keep up the "make 'Shannon' a household word" thing for awhile until Mrs. K catches on and makes them stop.
Item #2 (Mess Up Shannon's Schedule) also works, Shanny misses an Honor Society meeting and an Astronomy Club planning session. She nearly misses a French Club meeting, but luckily for her, another club member calls her. Shanny quickly realizes that T&M are to blame and tells them to knock it off before she leaves. T&M are all "Whatever" and move on with the rest of their list, which I will quote:
“Forget” Shannon’s Phone Messages
Steal Shannon’s Homework
Hide Shannon’s Shoes
Short-Sheet Shannon’s Bed
Put Soap On Shannon’s Toothbrush
Hide Shannon’s Deoderant
Mess Up Shannon’s Sock Drawer
Put Itching Powder In Shannon’s Shoes
But they don't unnerve Shanny (in fact, she pretty much ignores them except to tell them how she felt about the pranks. Uh-oh! Looks like T&M are losing the Sister War! Whatever will they do now?
OK, that's it for now, 'cause this book is annoying me. The next three chapters will be up soon.
Until then, Shannon you later!