Mystery #35: Abby and the Notorious Neighbor, Chapters 8-15
Chapters 1-3
Chapters 4-7
I was going to do the rest of this snark in two parts, but I'd like to be done with this snark ASAP, so I'm just gonna finish it now. OK, deep breaths, calm water, milk chocolate...
Chapter 8 opens with this mystery notebook entry:
Okay, Abby, okay. Let’s just assume that there is the tiniest possibility that your backyard neighbor is wanted by the authorities. Personally, I still think your fevered brain has gotten the better of you - but since we all love a mystery, I hereby declare this an official BSC investigation.
Why am I not surprised at this?
Anyway, Abby asks Kristy to look through Mr. Finch's mail so they can find out what the "O" stands for. Kristy is initially reluctant (and can you blame her?), but she eventually agrees to check the mailbox if Abby will watch her. Siiiigh. I can't even with this book any more.
So Kristy goes outside to check the mail. Did you find out what the "O" stands for? You did? Fabu--WHAT?! All of the mail came out of the mailbox? Well, that's what you get for being a sneak. Stop Looking at me like that. I'm nearly twice your age, hon.
You stopped? Good. Now what does the "O" stand for? Otto? OK, then. What was that? You also saw that one letter had an Iowa return address? Interesting.
Abby calls Mystery Trackers again to see if "Otto Finch" is a known alias of Maguire's. It isn't. Sad trombone.
Wait, what? Another mystery notebook entry (written by Mary Anne)? Oh, fine, I'll quote it:
Well, nobody can say I didn’t try. I guess I can’t blame Sergeant Johnson for being a little tired of Mystery Trackers.
And she can't blame me for wishing this book would end right now. OK, Self, relax. You can do this.
So Mary Anne goes to the police station to chat with Sergeant Johnson. Johnson isn't convinced that Finch is doing anything illegal, but he agrees to run a check on him, just in case.
Bah, another mystery notebook entry!
Hey, dudes!
Serfing the net is awsome!
Too true. It took us awhile, but we found some interesting stuff.
I wonder What Abby will think of the pictures.
Awww, Stacey and Claudia have discovered Teh Intarwebz! Isn't that precious?
(Why won't this chapter END?!)
All right girls, what are you up to now? You're using Janine's computer to look up "Otto Finch"? OK, but I don't think that will be helpful. Maybe you could try looking up Arthur Maguire and Harry Bronson? Aha, "pay dirt" (Stacey, don't you ever say that again!)! Oh, and you found pictures? Lemme see them...hmmm, Bronson looks nothing like Finch. Let's check out Maguire's pict--HO SHIT HE LOOKS LIKE FINCH! SOUND THE ALARMS! And end the chapter while we're at it!
It's Chapter 9! Oh, subplot. Yeah, I don't care about the go-cart race any more. Can we just hit the kids with Blue Shells and/or Bob-ombs and call it a day? No? Crap. Well, anyway, I'm moving on.
Chapter 10 opens with--no, wait for it--Abby spying. She's not spying on Finch, though (he isn't home). But if he's not home, why are you spying, dear? It's drizzling outside? That's your reason? Go read a book, for fuck's sake!
Oh, Kristy came over. No, Abby, don't offer her the binoc--oh, Kristy doesn't want to spy. Wait, she's tempted? Don't encourage her, Abby!
"But you learn so much. I mean, I can tell you all kinds of secrets about people in this neighborhood."
I said "Don't encourage her"! Stop spilling the neighborhood secrets! Don't you have something else to do? What's that? You have a tape of the Mystery Trackers episode that started this mess? Fine, go watch that while I wonder what I've gotten myself into.
Oh, you've finished watching the tape? OK, good. Now--oh, did you say something, Kristy? Oh, now you believe Abby. Wonderful. On to the next chapter.
OK, let's start Chapter 11! I'm sure this'll be as riveting as the other chapters!
This is my cup of care. Oh, look, it's empty.
OK, Abby, what are you up to now? You called Sgt. Johnson and told him about your suspicions? And he wasn't particularly receptive? You poor dear, I feel so sorry for you. Oh, no, you're spying AGAIN?! OK, what's Totally Not Suspicious Neighbor up to now? Hanging up his laundry in the backyard, burning papers and photos in the kit--Wait a second.
HE'S BURNING THINGS IN THE KITCHEN SINK?! Abby, call the police! No, no, not the Mystery Trackers intern! Well, OK, she'll call the police. Chapter over.
Chapter 12 has Kristy sneak into Finch's house to find more evidence. I just...I can't. I just can't any more. Anyway, Kristy finds what she's looking for, but uh-oh! Mr. Finch is back! Can Kristy get back to Abby's house without being seen?
It's Chapter 13! Don't worry everyone, Kristy got back safely. OK, so what did you find? Oh, a photo of Maguire's wife? Wait.
YOU MEAN ABBY WAS RIGHT ABOUT THIS?! CALL THE GODDAMN POLICE! You did that? And Sgt. Johnson said to let the police handle this? OK, good. LISTEN TO HIM.
Oh, Chapter 14 is the end of the subplot. Whatever. I still don't care.
Finally, Chapter 15! OK, summary time: Finch--er, sorry, Maguire tries to escape but gets busted by the police, and Abby gets the reward money. Yay, I guess.
So, what have we learned from this book? You should trust your instincts, the BSC is never wrong, and gimere should read the entire book before deciding to snark it.
THE END.
Chapters 4-7
I was going to do the rest of this snark in two parts, but I'd like to be done with this snark ASAP, so I'm just gonna finish it now. OK, deep breaths, calm water, milk chocolate...
Chapter 8 opens with this mystery notebook entry:
Okay, Abby, okay. Let’s just assume that there is the tiniest possibility that your backyard neighbor is wanted by the authorities. Personally, I still think your fevered brain has gotten the better of you - but since we all love a mystery, I hereby declare this an official BSC investigation.
Why am I not surprised at this?
Anyway, Abby asks Kristy to look through Mr. Finch's mail so they can find out what the "O" stands for. Kristy is initially reluctant (and can you blame her?), but she eventually agrees to check the mailbox if Abby will watch her. Siiiigh. I can't even with this book any more.
So Kristy goes outside to check the mail. Did you find out what the "O" stands for? You did? Fabu--WHAT?! All of the mail came out of the mailbox? Well, that's what you get for being a sneak. Stop Looking at me like that. I'm nearly twice your age, hon.
You stopped? Good. Now what does the "O" stand for? Otto? OK, then. What was that? You also saw that one letter had an Iowa return address? Interesting.
Abby calls Mystery Trackers again to see if "Otto Finch" is a known alias of Maguire's. It isn't. Sad trombone.
Wait, what? Another mystery notebook entry (written by Mary Anne)? Oh, fine, I'll quote it:
Well, nobody can say I didn’t try. I guess I can’t blame Sergeant Johnson for being a little tired of Mystery Trackers.
And she can't blame me for wishing this book would end right now. OK, Self, relax. You can do this.
So Mary Anne goes to the police station to chat with Sergeant Johnson. Johnson isn't convinced that Finch is doing anything illegal, but he agrees to run a check on him, just in case.
Bah, another mystery notebook entry!
Hey, dudes!
Serfing the net is awsome!
Too true. It took us awhile, but we found some interesting stuff.
I wonder What Abby will think of the pictures.
Awww, Stacey and Claudia have discovered Teh Intarwebz! Isn't that precious?
(Why won't this chapter END?!)
All right girls, what are you up to now? You're using Janine's computer to look up "Otto Finch"? OK, but I don't think that will be helpful. Maybe you could try looking up Arthur Maguire and Harry Bronson? Aha, "pay dirt" (Stacey, don't you ever say that again!)! Oh, and you found pictures? Lemme see them...hmmm, Bronson looks nothing like Finch. Let's check out Maguire's pict--HO SHIT HE LOOKS LIKE FINCH! SOUND THE ALARMS! And end the chapter while we're at it!
It's Chapter 9! Oh, subplot. Yeah, I don't care about the go-cart race any more. Can we just hit the kids with Blue Shells and/or Bob-ombs and call it a day? No? Crap. Well, anyway, I'm moving on.
Chapter 10 opens with--no, wait for it--Abby spying. She's not spying on Finch, though (he isn't home). But if he's not home, why are you spying, dear? It's drizzling outside? That's your reason? Go read a book, for fuck's sake!
Oh, Kristy came over. No, Abby, don't offer her the binoc--oh, Kristy doesn't want to spy. Wait, she's tempted? Don't encourage her, Abby!
"But you learn so much. I mean, I can tell you all kinds of secrets about people in this neighborhood."
I said "Don't encourage her"! Stop spilling the neighborhood secrets! Don't you have something else to do? What's that? You have a tape of the Mystery Trackers episode that started this mess? Fine, go watch that while I wonder what I've gotten myself into.
Oh, you've finished watching the tape? OK, good. Now--oh, did you say something, Kristy? Oh, now you believe Abby. Wonderful. On to the next chapter.
OK, let's start Chapter 11! I'm sure this'll be as riveting as the other chapters!
This is my cup of care. Oh, look, it's empty.
OK, Abby, what are you up to now? You called Sgt. Johnson and told him about your suspicions? And he wasn't particularly receptive? You poor dear, I feel so sorry for you. Oh, no, you're spying AGAIN?! OK, what's Totally Not Suspicious Neighbor up to now? Hanging up his laundry in the backyard, burning papers and photos in the kit--Wait a second.
HE'S BURNING THINGS IN THE KITCHEN SINK?! Abby, call the police! No, no, not the Mystery Trackers intern! Well, OK, she'll call the police. Chapter over.
Chapter 12 has Kristy sneak into Finch's house to find more evidence. I just...I can't. I just can't any more. Anyway, Kristy finds what she's looking for, but uh-oh! Mr. Finch is back! Can Kristy get back to Abby's house without being seen?
It's Chapter 13! Don't worry everyone, Kristy got back safely. OK, so what did you find? Oh, a photo of Maguire's wife? Wait.
YOU MEAN ABBY WAS RIGHT ABOUT THIS?! CALL THE GODDAMN POLICE! You did that? And Sgt. Johnson said to let the police handle this? OK, good. LISTEN TO HIM.
Oh, Chapter 14 is the end of the subplot. Whatever. I still don't care.
Finally, Chapter 15! OK, summary time: Finch--er, sorry, Maguire tries to escape but gets busted by the police, and Abby gets the reward money. Yay, I guess.
So, what have we learned from this book? You should trust your instincts, the BSC is never wrong, and gimere should read the entire book before deciding to snark it.
THE END.