Dawn Saves the Planet Part 1!
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for doing things for the planet. I recycle. I turn off faucets and lights. I've donated to wildlife and animal funds. That said, I still hate Dawn. And her stupid attitude just makes me want to punch a whale in the face. And I love whales! Also, this book had two ghosties. It took two people to write this schlock. Half of it is stupid kid antics and the other half is Dawn being a sanctimonious sea hag. I just want to bury her and see if she's biodegradable.
Chapter 1
Right from the beginning I'm laughing my ass off. Dawn is such a little chipper chipmunk brown noser. She's in class and her token Mexican teacher asks if they think kids can save the planet. Dawn says everyone else sat there like lumps but she raised her hand and shouted 'Yes! Of course!' Will someone drive a zamboni over this girl? Dawn, kids cannot save the world, they're kids. They can grow up and get into fields that help the Earth but as kids they can really do fuck all.
The exposition! What a show! The exposition! Here we go! I bet you're wishing that we'd go away! The exposition's here and it's here to stay! So during this role call of shit we already know, Dawn mentions that Mary Anne dresses preppy, in pleated skirts and blouses. So...exactly like Janine. So why the fuck is it okay for one and not both? Is there a rabid hypocrisy tag? She also says that her and Sharon's diet make them feel better than the meat eating plebs of the world. No Dawn, it just makes you think you're better than us bloodmouths. She also says that if MA was in the class with her she would have said-'“I agree with Dawn. We can save the planet if we all pull together.”' Riiiggghht. Mary Anne would totally speak up in class with her crippling social anxiety just to say you're right. Do you think Dawn and Kristy's egos get in fights over who is the most overblown? Like the Katayanagi twins battle in Scott Pilgrim?
Mrs. Gonzalez asks Dawn to read off things that are harmful to the Earth. Dawn wrinkles her nose when she reads 'Too much garbage' and I'm kinda with her. I do the same when I read 'penis'. You know, we never covered any of this in my science class. We covered you know, science. Well, when we weren't watching movies that had nothing to do with science. It occurs to me that we watched a lot of movies that had nothing educational about them. I hate to think how dumb I would be if I didn't study things on my own. Probably as dumb as a BSC member.
Mrs. G gives them their assignment in that they have to take a subject off the board and what they can do to help the planet. Gee, do you think that Dawn's project will involve a million screaming kids? Ugh, delayed club exposition. We do get a Stacey outfit though-'floral leggings, a pink shirt with big sleeves, and a long vest covered in antique pins. A black fedora with a red doth [sic] rose' How very...90s. I never watched Blossom growing up but I think I can safely say that outfit is very Blossom. Blah blah blah, yak yak yak. Claudia calls the hot lunch 'The Green Slime' and do you think anyone at Scholastic knew that was an actual movie? It was even on MST3k. Naw, they're not that cool.
Chapter 2
Standard Chapter 2-iness. I do catch that Dawn says Emily Michelle is a total doll and I laugh hard enough to injure my spleen because, God! That's exactly what the poor kid is. Just a stupid band-aid baby doll. Not that EM is stupid. I meant her 'parents' are.
Chapter 3
Dawn sits at the Barretts and Mrs. B says they can have crackers for a snack. That just makes me think of this. Dawn starts shoving her ecomania down their throats by giving them a Marine World sticker book. So I take it Dawn's never seen Blackfish. She talks about how dolphins get trapped in tuna nets and how smart and important they are. So I take she doesn't know that dolphins can kinda be assholes.
-Yeah, tell them about this, Schafer-
Dawn gets the kids all riled up about saving the dolphins and telling them to write to tuna companies saying they won't eat their dolphin filled tuna. Because a tuna CEO is totally gonna take kids seriously. Also didn't it turn out that dolphin safe tuna was a big lie and they still kill lots of dolphins? Or was that something I read on SCP?
She takes them to the kitchen and they clip the rings on a can holder and separate the recyclables. She also says to wash and reuse sandwich bags and come on, no one does that. And they're all so precocious and golly gee I think I now have diabetes. Better not eat those Oreos I bought then because a BSC book made me crave them.
Getting the Barretts thinking ecologically gets the wheels spinning in her head and she thinks, 'Oh, wow! I can get kids into saving the planet for my project!' I for one am completely shocked that she thought this up! A BSC member thinking to involve kids?! How novel! What a twist! In another shocking twist she calls Stacey and says they should ask to work together even though they are in separate classes.
Chapter 4
They got permission to do the project together and squee and hug in the hall and two boys nudge each other and smirk at them. Did Ann just just make a guys like girl on girl action joke? So they go to Stacey's house and start planning what their kids class should do. There's a bunch of boring talk about things to do and people to call and I had a long day and this isn't helping my sleepiness. Man, before Dawn turns into a raging butt beast this book is boring!
Chapter 5
It's their first 'Kids Care' class and it's annoying. The kids have these overblown 'Oh, mercy me!' attitudes about pollution that just make me roll my eyes. Also, it manages to make me hate Karen in a very roundabout way when someone says something about ghosts and Andrew gets scared and says he doesn't like ghosts. Do you think it's because his stupid little bully of a sister never shuts up about their house being haunted? Even when she doesn't say anything, I hate Karen.
They talk some about recycling and bury biodegradable and non-biodegradable stuff. They also say they're going to have a Green Fair at the end of the classes Suzi says 'Green fairies?' and I laugh because absinthe. If I could I'd be seeing some green fairies right now. And guys, I swear the saccharine levels in this chapter are near fatal. They're all but patting the kids on the head and saying 'You little scamps! Hu hu hu hu! Now do you know why wecycling is so important?' Blegh.
Chapter 1
Right from the beginning I'm laughing my ass off. Dawn is such a little chipper chipmunk brown noser. She's in class and her token Mexican teacher asks if they think kids can save the planet. Dawn says everyone else sat there like lumps but she raised her hand and shouted 'Yes! Of course!' Will someone drive a zamboni over this girl? Dawn, kids cannot save the world, they're kids. They can grow up and get into fields that help the Earth but as kids they can really do fuck all.
The exposition! What a show! The exposition! Here we go! I bet you're wishing that we'd go away! The exposition's here and it's here to stay! So during this role call of shit we already know, Dawn mentions that Mary Anne dresses preppy, in pleated skirts and blouses. So...exactly like Janine. So why the fuck is it okay for one and not both? Is there a rabid hypocrisy tag? She also says that her and Sharon's diet make them feel better than the meat eating plebs of the world. No Dawn, it just makes you think you're better than us bloodmouths. She also says that if MA was in the class with her she would have said-'“I agree with Dawn. We can save the planet if we all pull together.”' Riiiggghht. Mary Anne would totally speak up in class with her crippling social anxiety just to say you're right. Do you think Dawn and Kristy's egos get in fights over who is the most overblown? Like the Katayanagi twins battle in Scott Pilgrim?
Mrs. Gonzalez asks Dawn to read off things that are harmful to the Earth. Dawn wrinkles her nose when she reads 'Too much garbage' and I'm kinda with her. I do the same when I read 'penis'. You know, we never covered any of this in my science class. We covered you know, science. Well, when we weren't watching movies that had nothing to do with science. It occurs to me that we watched a lot of movies that had nothing educational about them. I hate to think how dumb I would be if I didn't study things on my own. Probably as dumb as a BSC member.
Mrs. G gives them their assignment in that they have to take a subject off the board and what they can do to help the planet. Gee, do you think that Dawn's project will involve a million screaming kids? Ugh, delayed club exposition. We do get a Stacey outfit though-'floral leggings, a pink shirt with big sleeves, and a long vest covered in antique pins. A black fedora with a red doth [sic] rose' How very...90s. I never watched Blossom growing up but I think I can safely say that outfit is very Blossom. Blah blah blah, yak yak yak. Claudia calls the hot lunch 'The Green Slime' and do you think anyone at Scholastic knew that was an actual movie? It was even on MST3k. Naw, they're not that cool.
Chapter 2
Standard Chapter 2-iness. I do catch that Dawn says Emily Michelle is a total doll and I laugh hard enough to injure my spleen because, God! That's exactly what the poor kid is. Just a stupid band-aid baby doll. Not that EM is stupid. I meant her 'parents' are.
Chapter 3
Dawn sits at the Barretts and Mrs. B says they can have crackers for a snack. That just makes me think of this. Dawn starts shoving her ecomania down their throats by giving them a Marine World sticker book. So I take it Dawn's never seen Blackfish. She talks about how dolphins get trapped in tuna nets and how smart and important they are. So I take she doesn't know that dolphins can kinda be assholes.
-Yeah, tell them about this, Schafer-
Dawn gets the kids all riled up about saving the dolphins and telling them to write to tuna companies saying they won't eat their dolphin filled tuna. Because a tuna CEO is totally gonna take kids seriously. Also didn't it turn out that dolphin safe tuna was a big lie and they still kill lots of dolphins? Or was that something I read on SCP?
She takes them to the kitchen and they clip the rings on a can holder and separate the recyclables. She also says to wash and reuse sandwich bags and come on, no one does that. And they're all so precocious and golly gee I think I now have diabetes. Better not eat those Oreos I bought then because a BSC book made me crave them.
Getting the Barretts thinking ecologically gets the wheels spinning in her head and she thinks, 'Oh, wow! I can get kids into saving the planet for my project!' I for one am completely shocked that she thought this up! A BSC member thinking to involve kids?! How novel! What a twist! In another shocking twist she calls Stacey and says they should ask to work together even though they are in separate classes.
Chapter 4
They got permission to do the project together and squee and hug in the hall and two boys nudge each other and smirk at them. Did Ann just just make a guys like girl on girl action joke? So they go to Stacey's house and start planning what their kids class should do. There's a bunch of boring talk about things to do and people to call and I had a long day and this isn't helping my sleepiness. Man, before Dawn turns into a raging butt beast this book is boring!
Chapter 5
It's their first 'Kids Care' class and it's annoying. The kids have these overblown 'Oh, mercy me!' attitudes about pollution that just make me roll my eyes. Also, it manages to make me hate Karen in a very roundabout way when someone says something about ghosts and Andrew gets scared and says he doesn't like ghosts. Do you think it's because his stupid little bully of a sister never shuts up about their house being haunted? Even when she doesn't say anything, I hate Karen.
They talk some about recycling and bury biodegradable and non-biodegradable stuff. They also say they're going to have a Green Fair at the end of the classes Suzi says 'Green fairies?' and I laugh because absinthe. If I could I'd be seeing some green fairies right now. And guys, I swear the saccharine levels in this chapter are near fatal. They're all but patting the kids on the head and saying 'You little scamps! Hu hu hu hu! Now do you know why wecycling is so important?' Blegh.