Claudia Kishi Middle School Drop-out Chapters 1-5
Chapter 1
Has anyone ever noticed that Claudia has a really short attention span? I remember in book twelve Claudia was distracted by a fly and then distracted by how you spell pharaoh. I also remember that in Claudia and the Middle School Mystery she was distracted by planning out how many chocolate chips she’d put in a cookie or something. It was something about cookies. I feel like you couldn’t use the trick, “I have two candy bars and we need to divide them four ways,” with Claudia because she’d just be distracted thinking about how much she’d like a candy bar. I also think Claudia got distracted by planning her next outfit.
Anyway, Claudia is busy glaring at a protractor because she has no idea how to use it. She has no idea how to use it, why she’d need to use it, what an angle is, and why she’d need to measure it. Claudia says she’s in eighth grade and that she should be able to do eighth grade math, but she can’t. She’s not too bothered by this, since she sucks ass in every single subject, but she doesn’t give a fuck. Claudia’s basically like, “I don’t give a fuck about anything other than art, junk food, and creepy involvement with kids, so I’m not even going to bother to put in an effort.” This annoys me. Claudia is having a difficult time with school, and instead of asking for help or putting in an effort, she’s just like, “I don’t like the subject, so I’m not going to bother.”
And the thing is, when Claudia applies herself, she can actually do well in school. But because she doesn’t care, she doesn’t apply herself. It’s just irritating reading about how she’s not going to bother to put in the effort because she’s not personally interested. I’ve always wondered about Claudia’s intelligence. Sometimes I wonder if she’s capable of grasping the material, but she has to work a bit harder to do so and doesn’t understand it.
Claudia says she has the attention span of a five year old. Would it be mean to make a crack about a five-year old having better spelling than her? Claudia is about to eat junk food when Stacey calls to initiate phone sex. I mean, ask what Claudia is wearing. Actually, as far as I’m aware, phone sex starts out by someone asking what the other person is wearing.
Claudia has to gush about how Stacey is from Manhattan where apparently everyone dresses like they’re on a runway or some shit and no one ever wears just jeans and a T-shirt. I’m pretty sure people in New York can wear casual clothing. I would pay money to watch the BSC members reaction to upstate New York. I can just see them being like, “Why are there trees here?” My coworker used to live in upstate New York. I’ve seen pictures on her computer and they’re absolutely gorgeous. I always tease her and tell her she’s bullshitting about being from New York because everyone knows there aren’t any trees in New York.
It turns out Stacey is not calling to have phone sex, but to ask what Claudia is wearing to the dance. There’s going to be a dance to celebrate the leaves changing color or some shit. Actually, it’s a Halloween Dance, but given how obsessed this school is with dances, it wouldn’t be a stretch for this to happen. This announcement was made in homeroom. Did any of you guys have homeroom? I didn’t. Half the stuff about school I saw on TV was bullshit, such as bullies stealing lunch money and having homeroom. We had lockers, but that was just to store our stuff in for gym class. We never had to go to our lockers to get our books for class. My younger cousin has study hall. It was some new thing they implemented.
Anyway, Claudia wasn’t paying attention because she was trying to do three homework assignments. Good luck with that. I think one of the reasons Claudia is falling behind in school is because she doesn’t put in any damn effort. I can understand rushing to complete one homework assignment at the last minute. This was a common occurrence at my school. My classmates wouldn’t bother completing their homework assignments and would be rushing to copy off someone else just as the teacher was collecting them.
But trying to complete three homework assignments for three different classes seems like a bit much. What the hell was Claudia doing when she got home from school? Okay, I guess she’d want some time to relax and unwind. That makes sense. Or maybe she had a babysitting job. Or maybe the homework assignment wasn’t due for a long time and Claudia just kept putting it off and being like, “I can do it later.” I feel like she’s one of those people who wait until the day the seven page paper is due and tries to type it up all in one night. I bet Claudia wouldn’t even have any articles she was going to cite as well.
I guess Claudia would be a procrastinator when it comes to homework. I can just see her looking at a math book, saying, “I don’t get this,” and tossing it aside without making an effort to understand. I’ve done the same thing. Math and certain aspects of science weren’t something that I understood easily and I’d actually have to work a bit harder to understand. Of course, I never did. I was basically like Claudia and was like , “I have no interest in this, so I’m not going to try.” Funnily enough, when I did start applying myself once in a while, I’d actually pass my tests.
Claudia and Stacey discuss costumes. Stacey wants to go as a flapper. I feel like if the BSC ever got to high school, Stacey would be the girl who took advantage of the fact that Halloween is the only night a year a girl could dress like a total slut and no other girl can say shit. Stacey offers to help Claudia with her math homework, but Claudia’s like, “I’ll just ask Janine.” If I were Stacey I’d be like, “You expect me to believe you’d willingly go to Janine for help? I’d have any easier time believing you’d go up to a gun-toting maniac for help!” The problem is that Stacey and Janine don’t know how to simplify things for Claudia. Yeah, not everyone is good at breaking things down.
Claudia also doesn’t want to ask for help because she thinks her friends will make fun of her or some shit and she wants to figure things out on her own. First of all, there’s no shame in asking for help. Second of all, what kind of asshole friends are going to stop being your friends because you don’t understand something? Okay, the BSC would stop being your friend if you cut your hair or spoke to someone outside your circle. I never really got the impression that Claudia’s friends would abandon her because she’s stupid. They’d abandon her because she made friends with someone who shared her interests, but not because she’s stupid.
Also, Claudia says she needs to figure the math out on her own, but I don’t see her doing that. I don’t see her studying the examples in the textbook and trying to figure out how they arrived at the solution. I bet she’s just going to look at the book, say “fuck it,” and forget about trying to figure out math.
Claudia complains about being in Janine’s shadow at school. I don’t think teachers should expect siblings to be exactly like each other. Claudia says that she isn’t stupid, but she doesn’t care about schoolwork, so why should she try? I’m having a really hard time being sympathetic to her falling behind in school when Claudia is basically admitting she isn’t even trying. It’d be one thing if she was honestly trying and the class was just moving along too quickly for her. That’s happened to me. In math class we’d do one concept that I couldn’t grasp before we were moving on to something else. I was too embarrassed to ask for help out loud because my classmates could be assholes about that sort of thing. And I was too lazy to ask my teacher for help privately.
Claudia says Janine is a genius and taking college level courses. She says Janine is really smart and will probably win the Nobel prize or come up with a cure for a common cold. Claudia spouts some bullshit about how she likes Janine and doesn’t hold the fact that Janine is a genius against her. I’m pretty sure Claudia has been like, “Ugh, Janine is talking to me about genius stuff, why doesn’t she shut up?” Claudia basically writes off all of Janine’s interests and rebuffs any attempts Janine makes to reach out. I’m sure that if Janine did make an important scientific discovery or invent something that would revolutionize technology, Claudia would be bitching that it’s not a big deal and only geeks and nerds would be interested in that. I remember when Janine won an award and Claudia spent the entire ceremony bitching.
Claudia gets distracted by a picture of her baby cousin, Lynn. She begins to fantasize about how much fun it will be to take Lynn shopping and dress her up like a cowgirl. Wow, Claudia really has a short attention span, doesn’t she? I think another reason she’s flunking school is because she’s probably staring out the window daydreaming about the BSC. I can just see it now. Claudia will be in math class and be like, “I am horrible at math. My best friend, Stacey is amazing at math. She’s from New York, which is the greatest place ever. She’s also the treasurer of the BSC. What is the BSC?” And then we’ll get an intro to all the BSC members.
Janine comes in to offer Claudia help with homework. Claudia declines because Janine can be long-winded and she doesn’t want to deal with that. Janine leaves to start dinner and Claudia brushes off her homework to work on her art. No wonder she’s falling behind.
Chapter 2
Claudia is in the zone, so she doesn’t notice Kristy trying to get her attention. I’ve had this happen to me when I’m super into writing something. I did Nanowrimo and I’d be like, “Okay, my goal for today is 1,500 words. I’m going to write this scene.” And then I’ll start writing the scene and have an idea for another scene and start writing that and then things will start building off each other. Claudia asks if it’s five-thirty and Kristy says it’s five-twenty five. I’d be like, “Well, you have no power over me for another five minutes, bitch.” The rest of the BSC can’t be far behind because they’re terrified of the wrath of a thirteen year old girl. What the hell is Kristy going to do to them? Glare at them? Look, I don’t like getting glared at either, but I think Kristy would glare at me and I’d be like, “The world didn’t end. Why am I scared of her?” I mean, it’s not like Kristy can kill you with a look like a basilisk. Logically speaking, she’ll glare at you and then what?
Claudia goes on about how Kristy is such a revolutionary for thinking of the babysitting club, because babysitting agencies never existed before Kristy came up with the BSC. There was probably a short story where the BSC went around eliminating any other babysitting agencies and wiping people’s memories of them. I can just see someone being like, “Wait, what about that babysitter we hired from that agency? They were excellent.” And Kristy would be like, “There was no such agency,” while offering them memory-wiping Kool-Aid. I bet Kristy would sue Care.com and say they stole the idea from her.
Claudia mentions the BSC has been having some difficulties lately. I decided to snark this book so I could see if the writers would mention what happened in the previous book or if they’d act like the BSC breaking up never happened. Claudia mentions that everything was going wrong. I think what happened is that the members finally snapped and told Kristy, “Bitch, we want to have lives outside the club. Do you really expect us to drop everything because there’s a meeting?” Honestly, I think the whole book could have been avoided if Kristy was willing to compromise even a little bit. But I think she was throwing a tantrum because the members weren’t willing to devote themselves to the BSC as much as she was. I really don’t think it’s a big deal if Mallory misses a meeting or two because she has a writing class. The club is back together, but everyone is a little awkward with each other. I really don’t see the club lasting. I feel like sooner or later some of them would be like, “I want to have a life outside of participating in parades and pet shows. Sometimes I just want to go to the mall or hang out without an entourage of kids.” I know Stacey did that, but I feel like there’d come a time when she’d permanently quit the BSC. I love how Claudia mentions that Kristy’s Fall into Fall festival idea sucked ass. Didn’t she decide to do that festival because she was throwing a tantrum Abby organized an event? I could be wrong, though.
I feel like Kristy would come back from vacation expecting the BSC to be falling apart without her and then be shocked when it turns out they can run fine without her. I can just see her being like, “Jessi walked in twenty seconds after five-thirty. She’s late! Why isn’t Abby giving her the look?” Or she’ll watch someone babysitting and be like, “Where’s the structure? Why are they just running around the yard playing freeze tag? Why isn’t the sitter organizing an activity like playing restaurant or something?”
Claudia mentions that she feels bad about a fight she had with Mary Anne recently. I’m shocked a BSC member is actually feeling guilty about a fight. I really think Claudia was the instigator in that fight. Mary Anne had gotten the kids organized with some activity and they were all happy doing that, then Claudia came and threw a tantrum because she wanted to do art and the kids didn’t want to. It’s just shocking to see a BSC member feeling bad about their bad behavior.
Abby is the club’s alternate officer. Why do they even have that position? I know that Kristy probably pulled that position out of her ass when she offered it to Dawn because Dawn would throw a tantrum if she didn’t get to have an important position. Dawn would be the type of person to be like, “This recycling committee is a great idea, but I’m not going to participate in it unless I get to be in charge!” I really don’t think Abby would care if she didn’t have a title. Abby’s sister Anna is a great musician, but she’s not in the club. I like to imagine Abby and Anna heard about the BSC being a cult and Anna was like, “Fuck that. I’m not spending my time trying to form an orchestra of kids playing guitars made out of tissue boxes and rubber bands.”
Abby was probably like, “It can’t be that bad.” She goes to one meeting and tells Anna, “I think the people were underplaying how fucking cult-like the BSC is. I’m going to stay just so I can troll Kristy.” Abby was the president for a time, but no one can be president like Kristy. I feel like making a song about that to the tune of Gaston. “No one gives you a look like Kristy! No one is a bossy bitch like Kristy! No one has a stick up their ass like Kristy!” Song writing isn’t my strong suit.
It would be hilarious if the BSC liked Abby better as president because she wasn’t a tyrant. But I feel like if they mentioned it, Kristy would throw a tantrum. Actually, she’d probably try to disband the BSC. She’d be like, “I’m the President of the BSC! It was my idea! Without me, there is no BSC.” And the rest of the members could be like, “Okay, bye bitch,” and keep running the meeting.
Chapter 3
Claudia is in math class. Yet again, she didn’t understand anything, but she’s not concerned. She’s given up understanding anything in math. Has she tried going to her teacher or classmates for help? I doubt it. She’s probably just like, “I’m going to be an artist, so I don’t need to pass math or even make an effort to pass.” Claudia says she was tested for a learning disorder and it turns out she doesn’t have one. Her IQ is perfectly fine. She says that she’s perfectly capable of understanding math, but she’s not going to bother because she wants to be an artist. I hope I’m not supposed to feel sympathetic about Claudia having difficulties in school. It’s no wonder she’s having difficulty because she’s not putting in the damn effort. She’s not doing homework or making effort to try and do any work because she’s written it off.
Claudia’s teacher calls her. He wants to discuss how she’s been doing in class. Claudia is used to this because it’s a regular occurrence. If teachers stopping you to say that you’re falling behind in class is a regular occurrence, shouldn’t someone being doing something? Claudia brushes her teacher off and says she’ll just have to work harder in math. I’m damn sure Claudia is probably just grunting and mumbling yes and saying whatever will get her out of the room faster. I bet she has no intention of actually working harder in math class and will forget about it the second she leaves.
Her teacher says that working harder isn’t going to solve the problem. He says Claudia might need to review what she learned last year.
Claudia is confused because she doesn’t understand the concept of classes from a previous year providing a foundation for what they’re going to learn this year. She probably forgot all about everything she learned once it was time for summer. I think Claudia only has room for art, babysitting, and junk food in her head. If it’s not about that, she’s not going to bother remembering it unless she has a good reason.
Claudia gets distracted by her shoes. It turns out that once she passed (I get the feeling she got the lowest possible grade that was still technically considered a pass) she was like, “Fuck this shit!” and forgot everything she learned. Claudia says she’ll do better and her teacher says she can always come to him if she has any questions. Claudia thinks she won’t know where to start because she doesn’t understand anything. I understand this. There have been times when I’m just so lost and I can’t pinpoint where I got lost.
Claudia goes to science class. She likes doing experiments, but doesn’t see the point in writing up the results in a lab notebook or applying the scientific method. She’s not even sure what the scientific method is. Once again, Claudia doesn’t see how this will help in her real life and it’s not relevant to her interests, she’s not even going to make an effort to understand. I just imagine Claudia gushing over an explosion and her teacher asking her why there was an explosion. I also have an image of Claudia causing damage beacuse she isn't paying attention to the teacher and adds something she's not supposed to. Has it ever occurred to Claudia that maybe she’d find something interesting if she just gave it a chance? There have been times when I wasn’t sure I’d be interested in something, but it turns out I was. I guess Claudia doesn’t believe in expanding her horizons.
The assignment for today is to identify igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic rocks. Claudia has an oh crap moment because her teacher went over this before and Claudia didn’t pay attention. She doesn’t pay any attention to the assignment, instead getting distracted by what the rocks look like and sketching them. Again I say, it’s no wonder Claudia is falling behind if she’s not paying any attention to her assignments, not doing her homework, and brushing off all offers of help. Seriously, Claudia is busy staring at the rocks and admiring the colors. She reminds me of a five-year old going, “Oooohhh, pretty rock.” Claudia actually manages to pick up one of the correct rocks, but she’s too busy admiring the colors to even pay attention to the correct name. It’s no wonder Claudia is having trouble in school when she’s not even making an effort.
Claudia knows she has to study up on the different types of rocks, but she’s going to study at the last minute. I’m not sure that works. According to what I learned in school, studying the night before doesn’t help. It’s better to start studying over a period of time instead of trying to cram everything into your head at the last minute. Of course, I could be wrong or misremembering something. Claudia says that she sat with the other BSC members at lunch. Why would she mention this? I generally assume that the BSC will eat lunch together. Claudia will probably have flashbacks to the time she sat with Ashley and the BSC were total assholes every time she even considers sitting with someone else.
Claudia describes everyone’s lunches. I’m not sure why we’re supposed to care. I’m surprised there hasn’t been a book using the type of lunch the BSC would bring to describe their personalities. For example, Stacey would have a trendy lunch because she’s from New York, and Mallory would get food poisoning from her lunch because the writers hate her. Kristy is complaining about the hot lunch. Does she like the food, but just likes to talk shit? If she doesn’t like the food, why buy it? I don’t get it. Do her parents or Nannie not have time to make her lunch? Does Kristy not have time to make her own lunch? I know there have been mentions about how bringing your lunch to school is babyish, but Kristy never struck me as the type to care if bringing your lunch was babyish.
Stacey has cookies sweetened with fruit juice and two questions. One, is that really healthier than sugar? Two, cookies sweetened with fruit juice sounds kind of gross, but I like to dip my cookies in juice instead of milk, so I shouldn’t be talking. Stacey says she’s really going to like math class this year and Claudia gets queasy at that because your best friend liking something you don’t is so vomit-inducing. Claudia’s friends all agree that this year is going to be fun and they’re enjoying their classes. They also aren’t having any difficulty keeping up. Claudia gets a little nervous because none of her friends are having trouble keeping up. Well, it’s probably easy to fall behind if you don’t do any of your homework assignments, don’t study for tests, and have the attitude of, “I’m flunking school for the 900th time, but I’m not going to do anything about it and I will magically get by.” Maybe the teachers are just passing Claudia because they don’t want her in their class.
Claudia goes to art class and pays attention because she likes the subject. I wonder if Claudia will pay attention if someone talks to her about the origins of a particular movement or the history of a painting or the life of an artist. There’s going to be a college level art class for the serious artist that’s really hard to get into. Only fifteen people will be accepted. Of course Claudia wants to go, but doesn’t think she’ll get in because it’s for college students. Don’t worry, Claudia. You’ll get in and everyone will kiss your ass.
Chapter 4
Kristy goes to visit Jackie in the hospital. Apparently Kristy is really squeamish about scars. Kristy notices that the kids in the hospital are bored and lonely, so she gets the idea to have the kids they sit for write letters to the kids in the hospital. That’s it.
Chapter 5
Claudia is babbling on the phone because she never remembers what to say when someone calls and asks for her. I’ve heard people say, “Speaking,” or “this is he/she.” Claudia says she feels like a jerk when that happens. I’m guessing she means jerk the same way she uses idiot. I hate talking on the phone as well. My voice always sounds stupid and I never have any idea of what to say. Anyway, someone is calling because Claudia got into the art class. The instructor, Serena Mckay was really impressed with Claudia’s work. Is anyone really shocked? Anyone? Has there ever been a time when someone criticized Claudia’s artwork? There was that teacher in New York, but all he said was to slow down and not rush through the assignment. He actually thought Claudia was a good artist. Has there been a time where someone said Claudia is a good artist, but she’s not some sort of prodigy or art genius?
The classes are from Tuesdays and Thursdays at six. It’s a good thing it wasn’t Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I bet Kristy would throw a fit and tell Claudia that she has to give up the class and accuse her of being selfish if Claudia refuses. Claudia isn’t sure she’ll be able to take the class because she’s falling behind in school and her parents might not want her to take the class in case she falls more behind with her schoolwork.
Claudia wants to take this art class as badly as she wanted some doll when she was a little kid. Her parents were like, “We’re not spending a bunch of money for something you’ll only play with once and then never use again.” But Claudia begged and made a bunch of bullshit promises to clean her room, do her chores, and be good forever, so her parents bought her the doll. She played with the doll for about a day and then went back to her crayons.
Claudia says she was a little kid then, and now she’s a mature teenager. It’s so adorable how they think being thirteen makes them all grown up. Claudia gets the idea to do well on a quiz that’s really important as proof that she’s willing to work hard. I’m not sure if her parents will be like, “Okay, you got one good grade on a test. I guess that means you can take the art class.” I’d still be worried about Claudia falling behind.
Claudia studies for the quiz and does some practice problems, but she isn’t sure if she did them right. Doesn’t her textbook have the answers in the back of the book? All my math books did. Claudia is actually confident about the test.
In math class, she has an oh crap moment, when she doesn’t understand the material. That’s happened to me. I try to half-ass study for a test by skimming a notebook before class, and then nothing on the test has anything to do with what I skimmed. I think Claudia might have to study a little longer to ace quizzes. Claudia’s teacher has them correct each other’s work and I always hated that. I suck at math and it was just embarrassing having other people know how much I sucked.
Claudia gets a forty-five on the test and feels like crying. How bad of a student is she? I know she’s bad at school, but what are her marks usually like? Does she usually get in the 60’s? 50’s? Does she get F’s, D’s, low C’s? Claudia’s math teacher says she needs to get a tutor and has this not been done before? If Claudia is so horrible at school, why haven’t they looked into getting her tutors more often? How badly is Claudia failing school? Claudia has to take the test home to show her parents. She leaves the room, crying.
Claudia tells her parents. Her parents aren’t mad and reassure her that she’ll catch up, and Janine recommends a tutor. Claudia brings up the art class and her parents are hesitant about letting her take it. Claudia begs and pleads and says she’ll work really hard to bring her grades up if they let her take the class. The class doesn’t last forever. What’s going to happen when the class is over? Is Claudia going to be like,
“Well, the class is over, so there’s no reason for me to do my homework, pay attention in class, or study for a test? I’m going back to doing jack shit and not making any effort in class.” Claudia really had no motivation for making an effort in class because the material didn’t interest her. So wouldn’t that mean she’d fall behind again once she doesn’t have the incentive of attending the art class? Claudia’s parents agree to let her take the class.
Has anyone ever noticed that Claudia has a really short attention span? I remember in book twelve Claudia was distracted by a fly and then distracted by how you spell pharaoh. I also remember that in Claudia and the Middle School Mystery she was distracted by planning out how many chocolate chips she’d put in a cookie or something. It was something about cookies. I feel like you couldn’t use the trick, “I have two candy bars and we need to divide them four ways,” with Claudia because she’d just be distracted thinking about how much she’d like a candy bar. I also think Claudia got distracted by planning her next outfit.
Anyway, Claudia is busy glaring at a protractor because she has no idea how to use it. She has no idea how to use it, why she’d need to use it, what an angle is, and why she’d need to measure it. Claudia says she’s in eighth grade and that she should be able to do eighth grade math, but she can’t. She’s not too bothered by this, since she sucks ass in every single subject, but she doesn’t give a fuck. Claudia’s basically like, “I don’t give a fuck about anything other than art, junk food, and creepy involvement with kids, so I’m not even going to bother to put in an effort.” This annoys me. Claudia is having a difficult time with school, and instead of asking for help or putting in an effort, she’s just like, “I don’t like the subject, so I’m not going to bother.”
And the thing is, when Claudia applies herself, she can actually do well in school. But because she doesn’t care, she doesn’t apply herself. It’s just irritating reading about how she’s not going to bother to put in the effort because she’s not personally interested. I’ve always wondered about Claudia’s intelligence. Sometimes I wonder if she’s capable of grasping the material, but she has to work a bit harder to do so and doesn’t understand it.
Claudia says she has the attention span of a five year old. Would it be mean to make a crack about a five-year old having better spelling than her? Claudia is about to eat junk food when Stacey calls to initiate phone sex. I mean, ask what Claudia is wearing. Actually, as far as I’m aware, phone sex starts out by someone asking what the other person is wearing.
Claudia has to gush about how Stacey is from Manhattan where apparently everyone dresses like they’re on a runway or some shit and no one ever wears just jeans and a T-shirt. I’m pretty sure people in New York can wear casual clothing. I would pay money to watch the BSC members reaction to upstate New York. I can just see them being like, “Why are there trees here?” My coworker used to live in upstate New York. I’ve seen pictures on her computer and they’re absolutely gorgeous. I always tease her and tell her she’s bullshitting about being from New York because everyone knows there aren’t any trees in New York.
It turns out Stacey is not calling to have phone sex, but to ask what Claudia is wearing to the dance. There’s going to be a dance to celebrate the leaves changing color or some shit. Actually, it’s a Halloween Dance, but given how obsessed this school is with dances, it wouldn’t be a stretch for this to happen. This announcement was made in homeroom. Did any of you guys have homeroom? I didn’t. Half the stuff about school I saw on TV was bullshit, such as bullies stealing lunch money and having homeroom. We had lockers, but that was just to store our stuff in for gym class. We never had to go to our lockers to get our books for class. My younger cousin has study hall. It was some new thing they implemented.
Anyway, Claudia wasn’t paying attention because she was trying to do three homework assignments. Good luck with that. I think one of the reasons Claudia is falling behind in school is because she doesn’t put in any damn effort. I can understand rushing to complete one homework assignment at the last minute. This was a common occurrence at my school. My classmates wouldn’t bother completing their homework assignments and would be rushing to copy off someone else just as the teacher was collecting them.
But trying to complete three homework assignments for three different classes seems like a bit much. What the hell was Claudia doing when she got home from school? Okay, I guess she’d want some time to relax and unwind. That makes sense. Or maybe she had a babysitting job. Or maybe the homework assignment wasn’t due for a long time and Claudia just kept putting it off and being like, “I can do it later.” I feel like she’s one of those people who wait until the day the seven page paper is due and tries to type it up all in one night. I bet Claudia wouldn’t even have any articles she was going to cite as well.
I guess Claudia would be a procrastinator when it comes to homework. I can just see her looking at a math book, saying, “I don’t get this,” and tossing it aside without making an effort to understand. I’ve done the same thing. Math and certain aspects of science weren’t something that I understood easily and I’d actually have to work a bit harder to understand. Of course, I never did. I was basically like Claudia and was like , “I have no interest in this, so I’m not going to try.” Funnily enough, when I did start applying myself once in a while, I’d actually pass my tests.
Claudia and Stacey discuss costumes. Stacey wants to go as a flapper. I feel like if the BSC ever got to high school, Stacey would be the girl who took advantage of the fact that Halloween is the only night a year a girl could dress like a total slut and no other girl can say shit. Stacey offers to help Claudia with her math homework, but Claudia’s like, “I’ll just ask Janine.” If I were Stacey I’d be like, “You expect me to believe you’d willingly go to Janine for help? I’d have any easier time believing you’d go up to a gun-toting maniac for help!” The problem is that Stacey and Janine don’t know how to simplify things for Claudia. Yeah, not everyone is good at breaking things down.
Claudia also doesn’t want to ask for help because she thinks her friends will make fun of her or some shit and she wants to figure things out on her own. First of all, there’s no shame in asking for help. Second of all, what kind of asshole friends are going to stop being your friends because you don’t understand something? Okay, the BSC would stop being your friend if you cut your hair or spoke to someone outside your circle. I never really got the impression that Claudia’s friends would abandon her because she’s stupid. They’d abandon her because she made friends with someone who shared her interests, but not because she’s stupid.
Also, Claudia says she needs to figure the math out on her own, but I don’t see her doing that. I don’t see her studying the examples in the textbook and trying to figure out how they arrived at the solution. I bet she’s just going to look at the book, say “fuck it,” and forget about trying to figure out math.
Claudia complains about being in Janine’s shadow at school. I don’t think teachers should expect siblings to be exactly like each other. Claudia says that she isn’t stupid, but she doesn’t care about schoolwork, so why should she try? I’m having a really hard time being sympathetic to her falling behind in school when Claudia is basically admitting she isn’t even trying. It’d be one thing if she was honestly trying and the class was just moving along too quickly for her. That’s happened to me. In math class we’d do one concept that I couldn’t grasp before we were moving on to something else. I was too embarrassed to ask for help out loud because my classmates could be assholes about that sort of thing. And I was too lazy to ask my teacher for help privately.
Claudia says Janine is a genius and taking college level courses. She says Janine is really smart and will probably win the Nobel prize or come up with a cure for a common cold. Claudia spouts some bullshit about how she likes Janine and doesn’t hold the fact that Janine is a genius against her. I’m pretty sure Claudia has been like, “Ugh, Janine is talking to me about genius stuff, why doesn’t she shut up?” Claudia basically writes off all of Janine’s interests and rebuffs any attempts Janine makes to reach out. I’m sure that if Janine did make an important scientific discovery or invent something that would revolutionize technology, Claudia would be bitching that it’s not a big deal and only geeks and nerds would be interested in that. I remember when Janine won an award and Claudia spent the entire ceremony bitching.
Claudia gets distracted by a picture of her baby cousin, Lynn. She begins to fantasize about how much fun it will be to take Lynn shopping and dress her up like a cowgirl. Wow, Claudia really has a short attention span, doesn’t she? I think another reason she’s flunking school is because she’s probably staring out the window daydreaming about the BSC. I can just see it now. Claudia will be in math class and be like, “I am horrible at math. My best friend, Stacey is amazing at math. She’s from New York, which is the greatest place ever. She’s also the treasurer of the BSC. What is the BSC?” And then we’ll get an intro to all the BSC members.
Janine comes in to offer Claudia help with homework. Claudia declines because Janine can be long-winded and she doesn’t want to deal with that. Janine leaves to start dinner and Claudia brushes off her homework to work on her art. No wonder she’s falling behind.
Chapter 2
Claudia is in the zone, so she doesn’t notice Kristy trying to get her attention. I’ve had this happen to me when I’m super into writing something. I did Nanowrimo and I’d be like, “Okay, my goal for today is 1,500 words. I’m going to write this scene.” And then I’ll start writing the scene and have an idea for another scene and start writing that and then things will start building off each other. Claudia asks if it’s five-thirty and Kristy says it’s five-twenty five. I’d be like, “Well, you have no power over me for another five minutes, bitch.” The rest of the BSC can’t be far behind because they’re terrified of the wrath of a thirteen year old girl. What the hell is Kristy going to do to them? Glare at them? Look, I don’t like getting glared at either, but I think Kristy would glare at me and I’d be like, “The world didn’t end. Why am I scared of her?” I mean, it’s not like Kristy can kill you with a look like a basilisk. Logically speaking, she’ll glare at you and then what?
Claudia goes on about how Kristy is such a revolutionary for thinking of the babysitting club, because babysitting agencies never existed before Kristy came up with the BSC. There was probably a short story where the BSC went around eliminating any other babysitting agencies and wiping people’s memories of them. I can just see someone being like, “Wait, what about that babysitter we hired from that agency? They were excellent.” And Kristy would be like, “There was no such agency,” while offering them memory-wiping Kool-Aid. I bet Kristy would sue Care.com and say they stole the idea from her.
Claudia mentions the BSC has been having some difficulties lately. I decided to snark this book so I could see if the writers would mention what happened in the previous book or if they’d act like the BSC breaking up never happened. Claudia mentions that everything was going wrong. I think what happened is that the members finally snapped and told Kristy, “Bitch, we want to have lives outside the club. Do you really expect us to drop everything because there’s a meeting?” Honestly, I think the whole book could have been avoided if Kristy was willing to compromise even a little bit. But I think she was throwing a tantrum because the members weren’t willing to devote themselves to the BSC as much as she was. I really don’t think it’s a big deal if Mallory misses a meeting or two because she has a writing class. The club is back together, but everyone is a little awkward with each other. I really don’t see the club lasting. I feel like sooner or later some of them would be like, “I want to have a life outside of participating in parades and pet shows. Sometimes I just want to go to the mall or hang out without an entourage of kids.” I know Stacey did that, but I feel like there’d come a time when she’d permanently quit the BSC. I love how Claudia mentions that Kristy’s Fall into Fall festival idea sucked ass. Didn’t she decide to do that festival because she was throwing a tantrum Abby organized an event? I could be wrong, though.
I feel like Kristy would come back from vacation expecting the BSC to be falling apart without her and then be shocked when it turns out they can run fine without her. I can just see her being like, “Jessi walked in twenty seconds after five-thirty. She’s late! Why isn’t Abby giving her the look?” Or she’ll watch someone babysitting and be like, “Where’s the structure? Why are they just running around the yard playing freeze tag? Why isn’t the sitter organizing an activity like playing restaurant or something?”
Claudia mentions that she feels bad about a fight she had with Mary Anne recently. I’m shocked a BSC member is actually feeling guilty about a fight. I really think Claudia was the instigator in that fight. Mary Anne had gotten the kids organized with some activity and they were all happy doing that, then Claudia came and threw a tantrum because she wanted to do art and the kids didn’t want to. It’s just shocking to see a BSC member feeling bad about their bad behavior.
Abby is the club’s alternate officer. Why do they even have that position? I know that Kristy probably pulled that position out of her ass when she offered it to Dawn because Dawn would throw a tantrum if she didn’t get to have an important position. Dawn would be the type of person to be like, “This recycling committee is a great idea, but I’m not going to participate in it unless I get to be in charge!” I really don’t think Abby would care if she didn’t have a title. Abby’s sister Anna is a great musician, but she’s not in the club. I like to imagine Abby and Anna heard about the BSC being a cult and Anna was like, “Fuck that. I’m not spending my time trying to form an orchestra of kids playing guitars made out of tissue boxes and rubber bands.”
Abby was probably like, “It can’t be that bad.” She goes to one meeting and tells Anna, “I think the people were underplaying how fucking cult-like the BSC is. I’m going to stay just so I can troll Kristy.” Abby was the president for a time, but no one can be president like Kristy. I feel like making a song about that to the tune of Gaston. “No one gives you a look like Kristy! No one is a bossy bitch like Kristy! No one has a stick up their ass like Kristy!” Song writing isn’t my strong suit.
It would be hilarious if the BSC liked Abby better as president because she wasn’t a tyrant. But I feel like if they mentioned it, Kristy would throw a tantrum. Actually, she’d probably try to disband the BSC. She’d be like, “I’m the President of the BSC! It was my idea! Without me, there is no BSC.” And the rest of the members could be like, “Okay, bye bitch,” and keep running the meeting.
Chapter 3
Claudia is in math class. Yet again, she didn’t understand anything, but she’s not concerned. She’s given up understanding anything in math. Has she tried going to her teacher or classmates for help? I doubt it. She’s probably just like, “I’m going to be an artist, so I don’t need to pass math or even make an effort to pass.” Claudia says she was tested for a learning disorder and it turns out she doesn’t have one. Her IQ is perfectly fine. She says that she’s perfectly capable of understanding math, but she’s not going to bother because she wants to be an artist. I hope I’m not supposed to feel sympathetic about Claudia having difficulties in school. It’s no wonder she’s having difficulty because she’s not putting in the damn effort. She’s not doing homework or making effort to try and do any work because she’s written it off.
Claudia’s teacher calls her. He wants to discuss how she’s been doing in class. Claudia is used to this because it’s a regular occurrence. If teachers stopping you to say that you’re falling behind in class is a regular occurrence, shouldn’t someone being doing something? Claudia brushes her teacher off and says she’ll just have to work harder in math. I’m damn sure Claudia is probably just grunting and mumbling yes and saying whatever will get her out of the room faster. I bet she has no intention of actually working harder in math class and will forget about it the second she leaves.
Her teacher says that working harder isn’t going to solve the problem. He says Claudia might need to review what she learned last year.
Claudia is confused because she doesn’t understand the concept of classes from a previous year providing a foundation for what they’re going to learn this year. She probably forgot all about everything she learned once it was time for summer. I think Claudia only has room for art, babysitting, and junk food in her head. If it’s not about that, she’s not going to bother remembering it unless she has a good reason.
Claudia gets distracted by her shoes. It turns out that once she passed (I get the feeling she got the lowest possible grade that was still technically considered a pass) she was like, “Fuck this shit!” and forgot everything she learned. Claudia says she’ll do better and her teacher says she can always come to him if she has any questions. Claudia thinks she won’t know where to start because she doesn’t understand anything. I understand this. There have been times when I’m just so lost and I can’t pinpoint where I got lost.
Claudia goes to science class. She likes doing experiments, but doesn’t see the point in writing up the results in a lab notebook or applying the scientific method. She’s not even sure what the scientific method is. Once again, Claudia doesn’t see how this will help in her real life and it’s not relevant to her interests, she’s not even going to make an effort to understand. I just imagine Claudia gushing over an explosion and her teacher asking her why there was an explosion. I also have an image of Claudia causing damage beacuse she isn't paying attention to the teacher and adds something she's not supposed to. Has it ever occurred to Claudia that maybe she’d find something interesting if she just gave it a chance? There have been times when I wasn’t sure I’d be interested in something, but it turns out I was. I guess Claudia doesn’t believe in expanding her horizons.
The assignment for today is to identify igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic rocks. Claudia has an oh crap moment because her teacher went over this before and Claudia didn’t pay attention. She doesn’t pay any attention to the assignment, instead getting distracted by what the rocks look like and sketching them. Again I say, it’s no wonder Claudia is falling behind if she’s not paying any attention to her assignments, not doing her homework, and brushing off all offers of help. Seriously, Claudia is busy staring at the rocks and admiring the colors. She reminds me of a five-year old going, “Oooohhh, pretty rock.” Claudia actually manages to pick up one of the correct rocks, but she’s too busy admiring the colors to even pay attention to the correct name. It’s no wonder Claudia is having trouble in school when she’s not even making an effort.
Claudia knows she has to study up on the different types of rocks, but she’s going to study at the last minute. I’m not sure that works. According to what I learned in school, studying the night before doesn’t help. It’s better to start studying over a period of time instead of trying to cram everything into your head at the last minute. Of course, I could be wrong or misremembering something. Claudia says that she sat with the other BSC members at lunch. Why would she mention this? I generally assume that the BSC will eat lunch together. Claudia will probably have flashbacks to the time she sat with Ashley and the BSC were total assholes every time she even considers sitting with someone else.
Claudia describes everyone’s lunches. I’m not sure why we’re supposed to care. I’m surprised there hasn’t been a book using the type of lunch the BSC would bring to describe their personalities. For example, Stacey would have a trendy lunch because she’s from New York, and Mallory would get food poisoning from her lunch because the writers hate her. Kristy is complaining about the hot lunch. Does she like the food, but just likes to talk shit? If she doesn’t like the food, why buy it? I don’t get it. Do her parents or Nannie not have time to make her lunch? Does Kristy not have time to make her own lunch? I know there have been mentions about how bringing your lunch to school is babyish, but Kristy never struck me as the type to care if bringing your lunch was babyish.
Stacey has cookies sweetened with fruit juice and two questions. One, is that really healthier than sugar? Two, cookies sweetened with fruit juice sounds kind of gross, but I like to dip my cookies in juice instead of milk, so I shouldn’t be talking. Stacey says she’s really going to like math class this year and Claudia gets queasy at that because your best friend liking something you don’t is so vomit-inducing. Claudia’s friends all agree that this year is going to be fun and they’re enjoying their classes. They also aren’t having any difficulty keeping up. Claudia gets a little nervous because none of her friends are having trouble keeping up. Well, it’s probably easy to fall behind if you don’t do any of your homework assignments, don’t study for tests, and have the attitude of, “I’m flunking school for the 900th time, but I’m not going to do anything about it and I will magically get by.” Maybe the teachers are just passing Claudia because they don’t want her in their class.
Claudia goes to art class and pays attention because she likes the subject. I wonder if Claudia will pay attention if someone talks to her about the origins of a particular movement or the history of a painting or the life of an artist. There’s going to be a college level art class for the serious artist that’s really hard to get into. Only fifteen people will be accepted. Of course Claudia wants to go, but doesn’t think she’ll get in because it’s for college students. Don’t worry, Claudia. You’ll get in and everyone will kiss your ass.
Chapter 4
Kristy goes to visit Jackie in the hospital. Apparently Kristy is really squeamish about scars. Kristy notices that the kids in the hospital are bored and lonely, so she gets the idea to have the kids they sit for write letters to the kids in the hospital. That’s it.
Chapter 5
Claudia is babbling on the phone because she never remembers what to say when someone calls and asks for her. I’ve heard people say, “Speaking,” or “this is he/she.” Claudia says she feels like a jerk when that happens. I’m guessing she means jerk the same way she uses idiot. I hate talking on the phone as well. My voice always sounds stupid and I never have any idea of what to say. Anyway, someone is calling because Claudia got into the art class. The instructor, Serena Mckay was really impressed with Claudia’s work. Is anyone really shocked? Anyone? Has there ever been a time when someone criticized Claudia’s artwork? There was that teacher in New York, but all he said was to slow down and not rush through the assignment. He actually thought Claudia was a good artist. Has there been a time where someone said Claudia is a good artist, but she’s not some sort of prodigy or art genius?
The classes are from Tuesdays and Thursdays at six. It’s a good thing it wasn’t Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I bet Kristy would throw a fit and tell Claudia that she has to give up the class and accuse her of being selfish if Claudia refuses. Claudia isn’t sure she’ll be able to take the class because she’s falling behind in school and her parents might not want her to take the class in case she falls more behind with her schoolwork.
Claudia wants to take this art class as badly as she wanted some doll when she was a little kid. Her parents were like, “We’re not spending a bunch of money for something you’ll only play with once and then never use again.” But Claudia begged and made a bunch of bullshit promises to clean her room, do her chores, and be good forever, so her parents bought her the doll. She played with the doll for about a day and then went back to her crayons.
Claudia says she was a little kid then, and now she’s a mature teenager. It’s so adorable how they think being thirteen makes them all grown up. Claudia gets the idea to do well on a quiz that’s really important as proof that she’s willing to work hard. I’m not sure if her parents will be like, “Okay, you got one good grade on a test. I guess that means you can take the art class.” I’d still be worried about Claudia falling behind.
Claudia studies for the quiz and does some practice problems, but she isn’t sure if she did them right. Doesn’t her textbook have the answers in the back of the book? All my math books did. Claudia is actually confident about the test.
In math class, she has an oh crap moment, when she doesn’t understand the material. That’s happened to me. I try to half-ass study for a test by skimming a notebook before class, and then nothing on the test has anything to do with what I skimmed. I think Claudia might have to study a little longer to ace quizzes. Claudia’s teacher has them correct each other’s work and I always hated that. I suck at math and it was just embarrassing having other people know how much I sucked.
Claudia gets a forty-five on the test and feels like crying. How bad of a student is she? I know she’s bad at school, but what are her marks usually like? Does she usually get in the 60’s? 50’s? Does she get F’s, D’s, low C’s? Claudia’s math teacher says she needs to get a tutor and has this not been done before? If Claudia is so horrible at school, why haven’t they looked into getting her tutors more often? How badly is Claudia failing school? Claudia has to take the test home to show her parents. She leaves the room, crying.
Claudia tells her parents. Her parents aren’t mad and reassure her that she’ll catch up, and Janine recommends a tutor. Claudia brings up the art class and her parents are hesitant about letting her take it. Claudia begs and pleads and says she’ll work really hard to bring her grades up if they let her take the class. The class doesn’t last forever. What’s going to happen when the class is over? Is Claudia going to be like,
“Well, the class is over, so there’s no reason for me to do my homework, pay attention in class, or study for a test? I’m going back to doing jack shit and not making any effort in class.” Claudia really had no motivation for making an effort in class because the material didn’t interest her. So wouldn’t that mean she’d fall behind again once she doesn’t have the incentive of attending the art class? Claudia’s parents agree to let her take the class.