Karen's Bunny- Part 1
Someone put in a specific request for this and I noticed it had never been snarked before, so here it is! Also, I don't know how to create a tag for it :/
Chapter 1- Peter Cottontail
Begins with poorly written prose where Karen tells us her name, age, what school she goes to, and that she's in Ms. Colman's class all in one breath. Also not really relevant since she isn't in school at this scene in the book. Also, Ann really needs to learn the "show not tell" writing policy. I learned that in my first creative writing class which wasn't even for writing majors.
Easter is coming and Karen is walking with Nancy and singing a song about a rabbit. They're excited for spring, and so am I guys, so am I.
Karen feels bad that the Easter bunny doesn't come to Nancy's house, as Nancy is Jewish. I am a Jew too and sometimes I did wish I could have Christmas and Santa and Easter and the bunny and all that jazz. But Karen kind of gets this superior attitude which is really
annoying. Nancy doesn't seem to care about not celebrating
Easter, because she likes Passover and describes what she likes about it. I have to say the ghostie did her research because Passover is described really well. Anyway, despite Nancy's enthusiasm about Passover, Karen is all "you can share my Easter candy anyway." I know that's supposed to be a nice gesture, but I can't help as see it as Karen thinking "Passover still isn't great as Easter so I am going to help you feel part of Easter so you're not left out."
Anyway, they head home, and Karen speaks as if she is really talking to us by saying she will tell us about her different houses in a minute. Also, this is book 83; so explaining isn't really necessary, but this is a BSC book so really what can you expect?
Chapter 2- Andrew's sad day
We actually have some new material before we launch into the two-two description, yay!
Karen has lots of freckles, she tells us for the 83rd time this series, and for the 83rd time, she is not drawn with any on the cover so I always have trouble picturing her with them.
Poor Andrew is sad because his class gerbil, Tommy joe, died. Is it just me or is that name adorable? Karen offers to cheer him up by talking about Easter and their grandmother coming to
visit for the holiday and this is sweet and
isn't snark worthy at all so I am skimming.
Chapter 3- Andrew's Good News, and when Karen starts acting like
herself and I can start really snarking
While decorating for Easter, Andrew tells Karen something good happened in school. They are starting a new unit on families and will have a program for their families at the end. Karen, being her usual competitive self, tells Andrew that she is sure he will be the best one in his class. Seriously, Karen is so annoying. In practically every book I read about her, she turns every damn thing into a contest. In the last book I snarked, she needed to be "better" than her pen pal, for example. Now Andrew tells her about his program and of all things she could say about it, she says he will be the best. The preoccupation with winning on this child is really unhealthy, especially now that she is projecting it on her brother. Whose very mature response is that he doesn't care about being the best and everyone will do a good job. I love Andrew so much. I always wanted to blame Karen's parents for the way she turned out, but they're also raising Andrew, who's always cute and polite and nice. These siblings are as different as night and day.
Lisa agrees with her golden child, and our faithful protagonist thinks that they are wrong, because "of course Andrew should try to be the best in his class. What is the point of doing something if you are not trying to be the best?" Seriously I am rolling my eyes so damn hard I think I popped a socket. This is just sad. Why is this kid so preoccupied with being the best and with making everything into a contest? When did she skip the try your best lesson and turn it into always be the best, better than other people, even when it's just a school program and not a contest? Even when you're sharing stories about your life with a pen pal and it's not a contest? Even when it's a school play and everyone picks their parts out of a hat and it's something you all do together and IT'S NOT A CONTEST. Seriously, this is sad. If this kid could maybe lose something for once, or not always be praised when she's doing the wrong thing, or maybe end a book where she actually learns a lesson (in the book with the thanksgiving play, she's reprimanded but doesn't learn a damn thing because she's just happy that she was a "star" and got more lines than anyone else in her class because she was a greedy pig and wrote extra lines for herself without saying anything. And that's just one of a thousand examples.) Furthermore, what kind of message is that sending kids that you should always try to be the best? You would think that small kids would think that this is the best attitude to have says the protagonist has this attitude.
Anyway, she says it's her job as Andrew's big sister to help him be the best. Run, Andrew. Run. Don't let her influence you. You don't have to make this into a competition. Be your cute self and enjoy it.
Chapter 4- Granny's special plan
Granny, Karen's grandmother (Seth's mother) arrives. Which reminds me of the book where Karen turned having grandparents into a competition too and used the poor woman in the nursing home so that she could have five grandmothers and be better than everyone else. I hate Karen.
Ahem, where was I? They're at the airport and Karen is excited to see her grandmother and has to be told to quiet down as usual.
Granny gives Karen and Andrew presents. Andrew gets his first and a millisecond goes by before Karen starts feeling impatient. Calm yourself, kid. She gets a necklace with beads to resemble each family member, including her deceased grandfather. I remember he was completely awesome and I HATED the book where he dies. It's like the book where Mimi dies. I will never snark them.
Karen eavesdrops on Lisa, Seth, and Granny because she's a brat. She hears that Granny wants to make the Easter baskets because she has something special planned for them and I think we know where this is going....
Chapter 5- Easter Sunday
A week goes by and then it is Easter! There is a basket waiting in Karen's room when she wakes up that morning. She starts emptying it out and the stuff sounds awesome. Then, dun dun dun...
Karen feels something soft and furry at the bottom of the basket and realizes she has been given a REAL-LIVE BUNNY, YO. I am surprised the rabbit stayed in the basket and didn't hop out or make any noises or anything. I am also surprised it didn't gnaw its way out, especially because it ends up chewing everything later.
Karen is excited, and I would be too, because rabbits are adorable. Andrew bursts into Karen's room. He, too, has received a bunny in his Easter basket.
Andrew names his bunny Spot because he has spots on his ears, and Karen just has to say that "Spot is not a very fancy name." Who cares, Karen? He's four, and the rabbit has spots on its ears, so it fits, Bitch. It also sounds better than names Karen has given pets in the past, such as the bird Magic Tastee (like, wtf) and Crystal Light the fish. Anyway, Karen "creatively" names her bunny Princess Cleopatra and decides she's the boss and Andrew should name his bunny "Prince" even though he clearly already named it.
Luckily, he tells her off and says he is sticking with the name Spot.
The adults come into the room and you can tell Granny didn't tell Lisa and Seth about the rabbits because they're not too pleased.
--
Chapter 1- Peter Cottontail
Begins with poorly written prose where Karen tells us her name, age, what school she goes to, and that she's in Ms. Colman's class all in one breath. Also not really relevant since she isn't in school at this scene in the book. Also, Ann really needs to learn the "show not tell" writing policy. I learned that in my first creative writing class which wasn't even for writing majors.
Easter is coming and Karen is walking with Nancy and singing a song about a rabbit. They're excited for spring, and so am I guys, so am I.
Karen feels bad that the Easter bunny doesn't come to Nancy's house, as Nancy is Jewish. I am a Jew too and sometimes I did wish I could have Christmas and Santa and Easter and the bunny and all that jazz. But Karen kind of gets this superior attitude which is really
annoying. Nancy doesn't seem to care about not celebrating
Easter, because she likes Passover and describes what she likes about it. I have to say the ghostie did her research because Passover is described really well. Anyway, despite Nancy's enthusiasm about Passover, Karen is all "you can share my Easter candy anyway." I know that's supposed to be a nice gesture, but I can't help as see it as Karen thinking "Passover still isn't great as Easter so I am going to help you feel part of Easter so you're not left out."
Anyway, they head home, and Karen speaks as if she is really talking to us by saying she will tell us about her different houses in a minute. Also, this is book 83; so explaining isn't really necessary, but this is a BSC book so really what can you expect?
Chapter 2- Andrew's sad day
We actually have some new material before we launch into the two-two description, yay!
Karen has lots of freckles, she tells us for the 83rd time this series, and for the 83rd time, she is not drawn with any on the cover so I always have trouble picturing her with them.
Poor Andrew is sad because his class gerbil, Tommy joe, died. Is it just me or is that name adorable? Karen offers to cheer him up by talking about Easter and their grandmother coming to
visit for the holiday and this is sweet and
isn't snark worthy at all so I am skimming.
Chapter 3- Andrew's Good News, and when Karen starts acting like
herself and I can start really snarking
While decorating for Easter, Andrew tells Karen something good happened in school. They are starting a new unit on families and will have a program for their families at the end. Karen, being her usual competitive self, tells Andrew that she is sure he will be the best one in his class. Seriously, Karen is so annoying. In practically every book I read about her, she turns every damn thing into a contest. In the last book I snarked, she needed to be "better" than her pen pal, for example. Now Andrew tells her about his program and of all things she could say about it, she says he will be the best. The preoccupation with winning on this child is really unhealthy, especially now that she is projecting it on her brother. Whose very mature response is that he doesn't care about being the best and everyone will do a good job. I love Andrew so much. I always wanted to blame Karen's parents for the way she turned out, but they're also raising Andrew, who's always cute and polite and nice. These siblings are as different as night and day.
Lisa agrees with her golden child, and our faithful protagonist thinks that they are wrong, because "of course Andrew should try to be the best in his class. What is the point of doing something if you are not trying to be the best?" Seriously I am rolling my eyes so damn hard I think I popped a socket. This is just sad. Why is this kid so preoccupied with being the best and with making everything into a contest? When did she skip the try your best lesson and turn it into always be the best, better than other people, even when it's just a school program and not a contest? Even when you're sharing stories about your life with a pen pal and it's not a contest? Even when it's a school play and everyone picks their parts out of a hat and it's something you all do together and IT'S NOT A CONTEST. Seriously, this is sad. If this kid could maybe lose something for once, or not always be praised when she's doing the wrong thing, or maybe end a book where she actually learns a lesson (in the book with the thanksgiving play, she's reprimanded but doesn't learn a damn thing because she's just happy that she was a "star" and got more lines than anyone else in her class because she was a greedy pig and wrote extra lines for herself without saying anything. And that's just one of a thousand examples.) Furthermore, what kind of message is that sending kids that you should always try to be the best? You would think that small kids would think that this is the best attitude to have says the protagonist has this attitude.
Anyway, she says it's her job as Andrew's big sister to help him be the best. Run, Andrew. Run. Don't let her influence you. You don't have to make this into a competition. Be your cute self and enjoy it.
Chapter 4- Granny's special plan
Granny, Karen's grandmother (Seth's mother) arrives. Which reminds me of the book where Karen turned having grandparents into a competition too and used the poor woman in the nursing home so that she could have five grandmothers and be better than everyone else. I hate Karen.
Ahem, where was I? They're at the airport and Karen is excited to see her grandmother and has to be told to quiet down as usual.
Granny gives Karen and Andrew presents. Andrew gets his first and a millisecond goes by before Karen starts feeling impatient. Calm yourself, kid. She gets a necklace with beads to resemble each family member, including her deceased grandfather. I remember he was completely awesome and I HATED the book where he dies. It's like the book where Mimi dies. I will never snark them.
Karen eavesdrops on Lisa, Seth, and Granny because she's a brat. She hears that Granny wants to make the Easter baskets because she has something special planned for them and I think we know where this is going....
Chapter 5- Easter Sunday
A week goes by and then it is Easter! There is a basket waiting in Karen's room when she wakes up that morning. She starts emptying it out and the stuff sounds awesome. Then, dun dun dun...
Karen feels something soft and furry at the bottom of the basket and realizes she has been given a REAL-LIVE BUNNY, YO. I am surprised the rabbit stayed in the basket and didn't hop out or make any noises or anything. I am also surprised it didn't gnaw its way out, especially because it ends up chewing everything later.
Karen is excited, and I would be too, because rabbits are adorable. Andrew bursts into Karen's room. He, too, has received a bunny in his Easter basket.
Andrew names his bunny Spot because he has spots on his ears, and Karen just has to say that "Spot is not a very fancy name." Who cares, Karen? He's four, and the rabbit has spots on its ears, so it fits, Bitch. It also sounds better than names Karen has given pets in the past, such as the bird Magic Tastee (like, wtf) and Crystal Light the fish. Anyway, Karen "creatively" names her bunny Princess Cleopatra and decides she's the boss and Andrew should name his bunny "Prince" even though he clearly already named it.
Luckily, he tells her off and says he is sticking with the name Spot.
The adults come into the room and you can tell Granny didn't tell Lisa and Seth about the rabbits because they're not too pleased.
--