Fic: Caught in the Crossfire | 3 of 3
Title: Caught in the Crossfire
Rated: NC-17
The BBQ dinner didn’t turn out the way Kris had imagined it in his head. Instead of a relaxed evening on the deck, drinking beer with a couple of steaks and shooting the shit, getting to know Adam better, there was barely any conversation. When Adam wasn’t on the phone, he barely looked at Kris, then ate too quickly and left Kris alone immediately after cleaning things up. Kris barely had time to take a breath before Adam disappeared back up the stairs.
The next day, he felt Adam’s eyes on him from the upstairs bedroom window where Adam was hiding out. As he laid out sunning himself, killing time, Kris inadvertently noticed the blinds shifting. With a knowing smirk, from then on, Kris made sure his swim trunks were as low as possible on his hips as he sat in the sun, bones barely holding them up. And, instead of using the sunscreen spray, he switched to lotion so he could leisurely rub himself down; didn’t matter that he used the spray before he headed downstairs.
It was his mission to break Adam down. What happened between them, in the shower, it wasn’t nothing. Kris knew this…felt it with every fiber of his being. He had never wanted anything or anyone more than Adam, and he’d do whatever was necessary to get him. There was something between them. Just because Adam just didn’t want to admit it or was too scared to acknowledge it, Kris would make him change his mind.
However, over the last couple of days, Adam barred himself in the den downstairs, which had no windows facing the backyard. Kris had to regroup and come up with another plan. He wandered in and out of the house and could hear Adam talking over the news channel coming from the television speakers.
And, since Adam was locked inside with no seemingly no intention of coming out unless absolutely necessary, Kris set his plan into motion. Whistling to himself, Kris rustled around the kitchen seeing what was available in the pantry, making up a list to call the market for a new delivery. He wouldn’t rely on a sputtering gas/charcoal grill and a couple of bottles of beer. No, he was ready to seduce and claim.
**
Adam finished the phone call and slumped into the chair, fingers tapping the edge of the desk. For the last few days, he had retreated to the den. It was a dark room, with floor to ceiling shelves lining the walls, and those were packed with books, family photos and various knick-knacks. Best of all, the only window in the den faced the street, so he couldn’t be tempted by Kris.
He heard noises coming from the kitchen, yet was too afraid to go out to see what Kris was doing. He knew he was being a complete chickenshit about this whole situation; but hiding out seemed like the best option. One could only take so much torture…Kris half-dressed in the sun, hipbone jutting out, enticing him…rubbing sunscreen slowly over his chest…
He knew Kris was being deliberate with his actions; it was obvious. The question was whether Adam would be able to withstand it and not succumb. Every night and sometimes twice during the day, he had to jump into the shower to jack off. He thought he heard moans coming from Kris’s room, but didn’t investigate it any further. A man only had so much restraint; otherwise Kris would be on his back or on his knees for days.
The knock on the door startled him, nearly knocking him out of his chair.
“Yeah, come on in,” Adam shouted out as he straightened himself on the chair.
Kris peeked his head in and smiled, “Hey, I made dinner. Do you have time to join me?”
Adam’s heart skipped a beat at the shy smile. He busied his hands with some files as he replied, “Oh, wow. You didn’t have to go to any trouble.”
“No trouble,” Kris replied. “Needed to keep busy. So, when you’re ready…”
“Uh, yeah. Give me five minutes?”
With the click of the door, Adam released his breath in a steady, long stream and flopped back into the seat. After a few fortifying deep breaths, he stood up and braced himself for what would be beyond the door. It was only dinner, right? A quick meal, some conversation. He could sit down and enjoy a few hours with Kris. It was the least he could do. It was shitty of Adam to leave Kris alone for the bulk of the day with nothing to do. No wonder it seemed like he was plotting Adam’s downfall.
**
Kris looked over at the closed door again, worrying his bottom lip. Had it been five minutes? Less? More? He didn’t want to start pulling the food out and serve something cold, but then he wanted everything ready for when Adam exited the den. Pushing himself away from the counter, Kris started lighting the candles and took the salad out of the refrigerator.
He was grabbing the casserole from the oven when he felt Adam watching him. Ignoring the sudden flutter in his stomach, Kris continued to move as if nothing was affecting him.
“Hey, just in time,” Kris said, placing the hot baking dish on the stove. “Hope you’re hungry.”
“It smells amazing. Do you need help with anything?”
“If you could grab the wine glasses and pour us some wine.”
“Sure,” Adam rounded the counter and reached over Kris to grab the glasses. “Anything else? It looks like you have a lot of stuff going on.”
Kris concentrated on keeping his hand from shaking as he placed the chicken onto their plates. As Adam headed to the table, Kris turned his head slightly to watch Adam from the corner of his eyes. Adam’s lean and tall form was distracting him, but it was a sight for him, like he had been starving for the vision. Adam was wearing loose jeans and another faded t-shirt, nothing spectacular as the tux or his thousand dollar suits, but as far as Kris was concerned, Adam would be naked in a few hours, so it didn’t really matter.
“Here we go,” Kris said, bringing the plates to the table. “I just need to mix the dressing for the salad, and we can eat.”
**
“How’d you get into the security/bodyguarding business?” Kris asked as he stood up, removing the empty plates from the table.
“Oh, uh, huh,” Adam said, lips pursing out. His fingers played with the rim of the water glass. “The three of us, Anoop, Cale and me, we just kind of fell into it, I guess. We all met in high school. Anoop’s dad ran finance for a security firm, and he got us part-time jobs there.” He stopped to laugh. “Mostly to keep us out of trouble, and I think he was sick of us fucking around and listening to music all day.”
“And that turned into starting your own agency?”
“Yeah, eventually, after college. Crazy huh?” Adam stacked some plates. “Hey, you cooked dinner. The least I could do is clean up,” he said getting up from the table.
“If you wash, I can dry,” Kris said. “It’ll be done faster.”
“Sure.”
They washed and dried the plates, glasses, cups and pots and pans, working seamlessly.
“What made you get into the whole music thing?” Adam asked as he rinsed the last of the glasses. “You never thought of doing anything else?”
Kris thought carefully about what he was going to say, immediately tossing out what his PR team helped craft for him years ago. “No,” he finally answered. “I mean, I guess while I was playing for three drunks after driving two hours from home, I had major doubts. But, it was something I felt like I needed to do. I never felt happy doing anything else.”
Adam smiled as he wiped his hands on a towel, “That great. A lot of people let fear rule them. You should be glad you didn’t give up.”
“Oh, there were plenty of times I almost gave up,” Kris admitted. He reached across Adam’s body to hang the dishtowel on a rack. He heard Adam’s quick intake of breath as his arm brushed against Adam’s waist. “I think my family finally knew I was serious about it when I dropped out of college and decided to move to LA,” he continued to say.
“That was a bold thing to do.”
“I suppose,” Kris answered. “No different than the hundreds of people moving here to be an actor or model or whatever.” He turned to lean against the counter. “I have dessert. Do you want to have it here or outside on the deck?”
“Uh…well,” Adam stammered.
“Coffee or tea?” Kris said, not giving Adam a choice to flake out. “It’s nothing fancy, just an apple crumble thing I learned from my mom. I think tea or even milk would go best.” Moving away from the counter, Kris nudged Adam into motion. “If you get the tea out, I’ll get the water boiling and warm up the crumble.”
“I…I…”
“You have to at least have a bite with me,” Kris pouted. “Come on.”
“Fine, just a little bit then,” Adam relented.
**
Adam moved to grab the box of tea from the cabinet; feeling self-conscious at the rise of his shirt as he stretched up to reach it. After pulling it down, he squared his shoulders and started to turn around…Kris was standing right behind him, the scent of him battering him.
Memories of that night…the way Kris felt, tasted, his body warmer than he remembered.
Kris didn’t move any closer. Adam couldn’t move at all.
“Kris…” Adam whispered. He cleared his throat, “Kris, what…”
“What?” Kris asked back softly.
Adam couldn’t help but jump a little as Kris touched his hand, which was tightly gripping the box. Kris’s callused hand moved from Adam’s fingertips and roamed up to his elbow, causing a wake of goose bumps in its path. The pressure on Adam’s elbow made him turn the rest of the way, facing Kris, looking down as Kris gazed up at him. Kris turned off the burner with his free hand as the one on Adam’s elbow moved back to unclasp his fingers from the box. He tangled their fingers together.
“Don’t think about it,” Kris said in a low voice. “Just go with what you feel.” A pause as he leaned in. “I want you to let go and do what you want…what you feel.”
Lowering his head so their foreheads met, Adam closed his eyes. He pulled their hands up to rest between their bodies, free hand moving up to grip Kris’s neck. Instead of drawing away, Kris reached out and put his hand on Adam’s hip, sliding his fingers along the waistband of Adam’s jeans, skimming his skin. His touch was light, but it burned Adam all the way through.
“What do you want Adam?”
Adam shuddered as the grip around waist got tighter. “Fuck me, but I want you.” He tilted Kris’s head up and slammed his lips against Kris’s, pushing him back until the refrigerator stopped them.
Kris’s groan only intensified Adam’s kiss. Kris’s soft lips against his, hard body lined up against his own, only thin strips of clothes separating them. Their tangled fingers released on their own and moved to grip each other, moving up and down and over skin and cotton. Kris’s mouth opened and Adam’s pushed in his tongue, licking and sucking, pulling Kris to him closer.
**
Kris stretched out on the bed with a soft moan, his muscles protesting against the movement. He smiled and reached over to touch Adam. His hand smoothed over the sheets into empty space, cold from the lack of body heat. Sitting up quickly, Kris looked over to the side of the bed, thinking his arm didn’t extend far enough. Panic filled him as he twisted around to check the room, eyeing the door to the bathroom then over to the windows where he saw a dark shape…Adam.
Checking the clock on the nightstand, Kris fell back onto the bed and twisted over, resting his head on his arm to study Adam in silence. Dressed in only boxers, Adam was leaning against a wall, arms braced high against the window sills. The shutters were wide open, the bright moon emitting a glow into the room, casting Adam’s body into a long shadow on the hardwood floor. He looked anything, but relaxed, muscles bunched taut, body straining with tension.
Kris threw the sheet off him and leaned down to grab his boxers off the floor. Padding across the room, he wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist and kissed a small path down his spine.
“You okay?”
Lowering his arms, Adam’s hands covered Kris’s, lifting them up to trap them against his bare chest. “Yeah.”
“It’s almost four. Come back to bed,” Kris whispered.
“I…I should…” Adam started to say.
“You should come back to bed,” Kris stated. “With me.”
“Kris…”
Kris moved his hands against Adam’s nipples and traced circles along his shoulder blades with his tongue.
“We got her,” Adam announced quietly.
Kris went still. “When?”
“A few hours ago. Anoop called to let me know.”
“What happens next?”
Adam shrugged, his shoulders and chest moving Kris’s stilled hands. “We head back, get your life going again.”
“Wha…what about,” Kris started to say. He rested his head between Adam’s shoulder blades. “What about us? This?”
Kris’s hands lifted up and he felt Adam’s soft lips softly kiss each knuckle.
“Kris…there is no us.”
Adam let go of their hands and peeled away from Kris. “I never should have let this happen.” He turned to face Kris and cupped his face gently, “Try to get some more sleep. We’ll head back to LA later this afternoon. I have to meet with the team.”
Kris stood by the window and waited for the click of the door. Adam had walked out. It was the loudest silence he ever heard.
**
The shades of the conference room in the AMG office on the 15th floor were raised, leaving all the windows open, providing a postcard-ready view that overlooked the high-end shops of Beverly Hills and the high-rises of Century City. Soft lights were lit to magically combine with glow of the setting sun only a city like Los Angeles could offer.
Jacob was beaming. Cale and Anoop were all smiles. Adam wanted to bang his head and make cracks in the veneer of this seemingly amazing day. He glanced over at Kris, who was sitting at the end of the table poking at a small plate of snacks.
The drive back to LA had been silent and uncomfortable, unspoken questions and thoughts hanging in the air between them. After dropping Kris off at his house, Adam quickly drove away and locked himself in his apartment for two days, avoiding phone calls, barely eating, and drinking his memories away. Cale and Anoop dropped by on the third day, mostly to get him out of the house, but also to figure out what they would do next. Adam pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to pay attention to the meeting.
“We’re all agreed that we’ll be keeping this, uh, situation out of the press,” Jacob stated. “No need to publicize the fact that one of our artists was being stalked and threatened.” He looked at the three men, “I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but I can’t thank you enough.”
“It’s what we do,” Anoop said succinctly. “We should discuss next steps.”
“Of course,” Jacob nodded. “I spoke with the label and the rest of Kris’s team this morning, and we’d like to continue with the original contract with just a few minor adjustments due to the apprehension of the stalker.”
“Naturally,” Anoop agreed. He pulled out the paperwork and slid a file folder to Jacob. He hesitated a bit, but slid another to Kris. “We’ve made addendums to reflect the current status and the recommended changes. If you agree…”
“What are the changes?” Kris asked, not looking up from his plate.
Anoop cleared his throat and looked to Adam, who studiously continued to ignore them, then over the Cale who shrugged.
“Well, basically, nothing much changes,” Anoop stated. He flipped a few pages. “We’ll be cutting back on the 24-hour surveillance, so you won’t have anyone from Praesidio living with you seven days a week. We’ll no longer be residing in the guest house except when needed, and will meet with your staff a few times a month, just to review the camera footage and go over any new or adjust protocols. You’ll still have someone from the team with you for events, parties, etc.”
“Who?”
“Who? I don’t understand.” Anoop looked to Jacob.
“Who’ll be playing babysitter and for how much longer?” Kris spit out. He shoved the plate of food away from him and grabbed the file folder.
“Kris,” Jacob butted in. “In your position and considering what happened, I think it’s for the best that we continue with Praesidio’s services until things calm down a little more. I don’t want us celebrating this success when something else can happen next week. They’re under contract for another year, but we can re-visit this after a few more months and see where we are. We’ll make adjustments as needed.”
“We’ve, uh, subcontracted some of the work,” Cale chimed in. “We know you’ve had some, um, strong feelings about some of the folks on the team, and want to make sure you’re comfortable with the new people who will be with you. We’re working with Carla to find some time in your schedule so we can bring them by and introduce them to you.”
Jacob said nervously, “We expect your cooperation with this, Kris.”
Kris waved a hand, “Fine, whatever.” He pushed back from his chair. “Are we done?”
**
Kris didn’t wait for confirmation and left the room. He heard footsteps behind him, but didn’t stop until he had to. Fucking elevator.
“Kris!” Adam shouted. “Wait.”
Like he had a choice. He pushed the button again and gnawed on his lip, debating whether or not he’d be able to handle 15 flights of stairs when Adam approached him.
“Cale called Bobby, he’s waiting with the car,” Adam stated.
“Well, as a client, I would think that’s the least you could do for me,” Kris bit out, pressing on the button harder. “Oh wait, you didn’t do it, Cale did. You just sat back and ignored me like you’ve been doing the last three days.”
“Listen, Kris…”
“Fuck off, Adam.”
The elevator pinged with its arrival, doors opening with a whoosh. Kris stomped into the empty compartment, rolling his eyes as Adam walked in right behind him.
“Oh, now you want to talk to me,” Kris said angrily. “Now, you don’t have a problem being this close to me.” He stepped in close to Adam, making him back up until his back hit handrail and wall. “You’ll only talk to me, touch me when no one’s around or looking? Is that how it works?”
Adam slid over a few inches to get away, but Kris shot his arm out, trapping him into the corner. “Tell me the rules, Adam.”
“You’re a client, Kris. We…I shouldn’t have let anything happen,” Adam replied.
“But, you’re attracted to me.”
“That’s not the point.”
“What if I fired you? Praesidio? Got a new security firm?”
“Nothing will change,” Adam stated.
Ready to challenge Adam’s statement, Kris gritted his teeth when the elevator stopped and opened. He glared out at the people attempting to come in, “Get the fuck out and wait for the next one!” and pushed the button to close the doors.
Kris narrowed his eyes as Adam moved away from the corner. “So, you’re saying even if I fire you, there can be nothing between us.”
“There is no us,” Adam said, staring over Kris’s shoulder. “What happened…it…there can’t be…”
Stepping in front of him again, Kris grabbed Adam’s face and brought it down to meet his lips, cutting off whatever he was going to say. Rising up on his toes, he sealed their mouths together, skimming his lips over Adam’s, tongue pushing to gain entrance. He did a mental fist-pump when Adam moaned, opening his mouth and their tongues met.
Adam’s hands gripped the back of Kris’s head and moved forward until Kris’s back hit the wall. Kris slid his hands into Adam’s hair, meeting every stroke, every bite with his own.
The elevator stopped with a subtle shake, the buzz blasting through the small space indicating that it was on the lobby level. Adam jerked away from Kris as if pulled by invisible string. “Shit…shit…shit,” Adam mumbled as he ran fingers haphazardly through his hair.
Kris touched his lips and smirked as he exited the elevator when the doors glided open. He felt Adam behind him. “Nothing between us?” Kris said quietly, knowing Adam would be able to hear him. He looked over his shoulder, “Who exactly are you lying to, Adam?”
They walked out to the curb where Bobby was waiting with the car. Kris motioned for Bobby to get in while he faced Adam.
“That can’t happen again,” Adam stated, his expression blank.
“Oh, it can,” Kris smiled. “And, it will.” Kris reached out to tug on Adam’s wrinkled collar.
Adam grabbed his hand tightly, “No, it can’t.” He lowered their hands and let go. “Your new security detail will be up to speed on everything, so the transition should be fairly seamless.”
Kris stopped grinning, “You’re not a part of it anymore?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Adam shook his head, “It wouldn’t be a good idea.”
“Not a…” Kris scowled. “Are you kidding me?”
“Kris…” Adam pleaded.
“So, you won’t fuck me if I’m not a client, but had no problem fucking me while I was paying you? Is that it?”
Adam’s face mottled in anger. “That’s not…” he grounded out.
Kris half-turned to step into the car, “You know what? Fuck. You.” He sat down and slammed the door shut.
**
Cale propped his feet onto the coffee table and crossed his arms behind his head as he lounged on the couch.
“You know,” Cale started to say.
“Don’t start,” Adam blurted out. He walked into the living room with plates and napkins. “And, get your fucking feet off the table.” After making sure Cale’s feet were off the table, he set everything down and opened the box of pizza, closing his eyes at the smell that drifted up.
“You don’t even know what I was going to say,” Cale whined.
“I have a pretty good idea,” Adam retorted, placing a slice on a plate and handing it to Cale. “And, don’t think I don’t know that this shitty rouse of bringing over pizza and wanting to just hang out is so you can talk to me.”
“Mmmm, but it’s damn good pizza though,” Cale said between bites. “Plus, who else would I hang out with and watch chick flicks with on a Friday night?”
“You’re girlfriend Christi, maybe?” Adam offered up. “Or, I don’t know, maybe some straight friends that would go to the game with you?”
“Dude, the NBA’s locked-out, no games even if I wanted to go.”
“Isn’t there like basketball or baseball or something?”
Cale choked back a laugh, “The NBA is basketball, you dumbshit.”
“Like I really care.”
“Anyway,” Cale continued. “It’s not like I give a fuck about either the Lakers or the Clippers. And baseball in this town sucks. Plus, Christi’s out with her girlfriends tonight. Had nothing better to do.”
Adam finished his slice and wiped his mouth, “So, you decided you’d come over here and bug me.”
“Yeah, pretty much,” Cale chuckled.
“I’m not working the event next weekend, so don’t even think about asking,” Adam said, twisting off the cap of the water bottle. “We’ve already divvied up the schedule.”
“It’s been six months, Adam,” Cale said, exhaling heavily. “This event is kind of a big deal.”
“Ya think?” Adam retorted sarcastically. “But, I’m still not doing it. Besides, shouldn’t Ruben or Frankie be doing that sort of thing?”
“They’re both booked with other clients that night.” Cale paused, “Plus, he’s asked for you and only you.”
“I’m going on vacation.”
“Going to San Diego to crash at your dad’s place and turning your phone off for a couple days doesn’t equal vacation,” Cale said. He shoved Adam’s arm to reach over for another slice. “Besides, it’s a prestigious event; we could get a ton of new clients from it.”
“Jacob’s already given us enough referrals that we’re practically drowning in little Hollywood celebutards and wannabes.”
“Yes, but they’re paying big bucks, which makes us all happy,” Cale stated. “Well, most of us anyway.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Adam asked.
Cale put his plate down and wiped his hands on a napkin, “Okay, no bullshitting, yeah?”
Adam nodded and put his own plate down. He twisted his body on the couch to face Cale. “Okay, yeah.”
“You’ve been a miserable, grade A asshole the last few months,” Cale said. He held up his hand, “Let me finish.” At Adam’s short nod, he continued. “You’re crazy about the guy. Have been since the first night you laid eyes on him. I know since the whole James thing a few years ago, you’ve had this thing about getting involved with clients, and I get that. Anoop gets that. But, see, here’s the thing…you can’t help who you’re attracted to, who you fall in love with.”
“Who said anything about love?” Adam squeaked out. “It was a stupid hormone, attraction thing, and I’m over it.”
“Are you really?” Cale said, locking his eyes to Adam’s. “Look at me and tell me you’re really over it…over him.”
Adam broke off the staring contest first and turned his head. He stood up, grabbed the dirty plates and walked into the kitchen.
“Talk to him,” Cale said, following him and grabbing a bar stool.
“Nothing to talk about,” Adam grumbled.
“He’s been a major dickhead.”
“Like that’s shocking,” Adam said. He looked at Cale. “What?” He threw his arms up. “What am I supposed to do about that?”
“You’re working the event next Saturday. You’re the only one that’s free that night,” Cale stated. He got off the stool and stretched. “Even if you put it to a vote, you’d lose.” He grabbed his jacket and keys, “And, for the record, you’re in the books, so the rest of the guys know about it.”
“You and Anoop are such assholes!” Adam shouted.
“It’s why we’re besties forever,” Cale said. He stopped at the door, “It’s formal, so bust out your suit or tux or whatever.” He blew Adam a kiss and left.
**
Kris was all smiles as the photographers snapped their pictures, flash upon flash blinding him. He turned this way and that, smiling, laughing and putting his arms around colleagues. Ronnie ushered him expertly from one set of microphones to the next, and he spouted out his 10-second sound bites. He walked the red carpet like he didn’t have a care in the world.
Knowing Adam was his shadow for the night didn’t hurt. He stopped when Ronnie planted him in front of a microphone.
“Kris, good to see you again. You look amazing,” the reporter said.
“Thanks, man. Good to see you, too. How’ve you been?” Kris replied.
“Great, so you’re presenting the Founders Award to Butch Vig tonight. How does that feel?”
“Amazing. He’s one of the greats, and I have so much respect for him. I’m privileged that the foundation asked me to do the honors,” Kris answered. He laughed, “Of course, seeing that he’s lined up to produce my next album doesn’t hurt.”
“So, you are working on your next album.”
“Yeah, a bunch of great songs to cull through, and I’m busting at the seams to get back into the studio and work with Butch.”
The reported smiled, “That’s awesome, looking forward to hearing it. Any dates for when the album will come out?”
Kris laughed, “No, man. It’ll be a few months in the studio, then post-production and all that. I don’t want to give out a date and feel pressure to meet that deadline, you know?”
“So, it sounds like professionally things are good.”
“Things are more than good.”
“You know we have to ask, any news you want to share on the personal…”
Ronnie pulled Kris away with a fake smile, “Sorry, we need to keep the line moving.”
Kris apologized to the reporter and chuckled to himself. He moved down the line again, repeating the same answers in different ways, knowing that the second any question that sounded like it was veering towards his private life, Ronnie would come to the rescue.
He glanced over his shoulder at Adam. Six months, fifteen days and six hours he hadn’t seen or talked him…not that Kris was keeping track. And, all it took was a heart-to-heart two weeks ago and some planning with Cale and Anoop to get Adam back. Well, not completely back, but at least he was here at the event with him. It would’ve been nicer if he would have been here as his date, but bodyguard was fine…for now.
Sitting at the table, Kris was able to participate in the conversations around him, which was remarkable considering how he barely paid attention, instead keeping watch over Adam roaming around the room. He felt an irrational stab of jealousy when Adam leaned in to talk to a few of the other security folks, especially the tall blond one who was supposed to be keeping an eye out on his own client, not Adam.
Somehow, he made it through the presentation without stumbling or fumbling over his lines, and Kris patted himself on the back for not dropping the plaque on Butch’s feet. As the montage of congratulations from Butch’s artists and friends appeared on the projection screen, all Kris could do was steal glances at Adam…hoping each time their eyes would meet. And, each time, Adam would be talking to the blond guy.
Kris said his good-byes as the party wound down. It was time to go…and get Adam away from his new friend. He left the ballroom and found them chatting just outside the main doorway, bottles of water in their hands. They looked friendly, almost flirty, keeping an eye out and sweeping the room with their gazes, but smiling at each other nonetheless.
“I’m ready to head out,” Kris said, not feeling the least bit bad about interrupting them. “I called Bobby, he’s right outside valet.”
“Oh, uh, sure,” Adam responded.
Kris studied his face and saw confusion quickly masked with the blank neutral look he hated. He watched them shake hands and exchange cards. It took everything Kris had not to tear the card in pieces in front of them.
“Are we going?”
“Let’s go.”
Though Kris got stopped every few feet by this person and that, he never really stopped moving. He didn’t want to give blondie a chance to catch up or Adam the chance to turn around and look. Kris jumped into the car and scowled when Adam shut the door behind him and moved to the front passenger seat next to Bobby.
At the house, Kris didn’t go through protocol and wait for Bobby or Adam to open the car door for him after surveying the area. He jumped out as soon as it was put in park and marched into the house, slamming the door behind him.
“What the fuck Kris?” Adam yelled out, following him into the house. “You’re supposed to wait until we give the all clear before you get out of the vehicle.”
“I think I’m okay at my own house,” Kris shouted back as he stripped of his suit jacket and tossed it on a chair. “Considering you personally oversaw the fucking security system.” He kept moving, he needed to keep moving, otherwise he’d jump on Adam and not let go.
Adam grabbed his elbow from behind and yanked him around. “What is wrong with you?”
Kris closed his eyes. He couldn’t look; the heat from Adam’s grip and the internal shakes was enough to deal with. The moment he looked at Adam’s face, into his eyes, Adam would know. He’d be disgusted, possibly horrified or frightened, and leave.
“Why won’t you look at me?” Adam whispered.
“Go home, Adam,” Kris said softly. After he jerked his arm out of Adam’s grasp, he opened his eyes and staggered into the kitchen.
**
Adam stood to the side, hands clasped in front of him as he watched everyone and everything from behind his sunglasses. In his ear, Devon and Marcus bitched about the heat and the crowds. As one of the investors for TinCan Studios and Music Center, Kris was a part of the grand opening. Despite the fact that Praesidio had set up the security system and with assurances from the other investors and local police station that security was more than up to par, Adam, Cale and Anoop insisted on three-man coverage for the event.
It was the first time Kris would be out in a crowd that hadn’t been vetted or on a guest list. The event was free to the general public to generate publicity and goodwill in the community. Though there was no longer a threat to Kris, Adam had a weird feeling, and Cale and Anoop knew to follow through with his gut instincts.
Though metal barriers had been set up around the stage and rent-a-cops in their yellow windbreakers stood with their backs to the podium, the crowd was getting unruly. The sudden fall heat wave and oddly high humidity of downtown LA, combined with the hours of standing and waiting around for the event to start…it was making everyone boisterous.
With the cheers, screams and shouts, Adam knew Kris was heading up to the stage. He moved closer to the rails to make sure he could see everyone in the general vicinity. He tapped his earpiece, “And, here we go guys.” He nodded as Devon and Marcus voiced their readiness.
“Thank you all so much for coming out,” Kris said as soon as he stepped up to the microphone. “I know this heat is a little ridiculous, but I’ll make this quick so we can all head inside and cool down.” He paused as the crowd roared with appreciation. “I’m proud to be associated with TinCan Studios and its Music Center. The goal is to provide music education and specialized training to outstanding students from schools in the downtown area. Starting this year and for years to come, TinCan will be providing fifteen thousand dollar scholarships to five amazing and talented kids to help them continue their music education at the next level.”
Adam was too busy staring at Kris and his smile, so he didn’t notice the movement from behind him. The 9mm came out from a woman’s bag and shot up. Everything happened in slow motion and too fast at the same time, Adam was frozen in place not knowing what to do first. Shots rang out like fireworks and the crowd screamed as they ran away.
He saw Kris fall backward in a lurch, dark red spurts flying from high on his body before hitting the stage. Adam lunged up to the platform, knocking the podium over to grab Kris’s body. Sirens, screams and the pounding of his own heart filled Adam’s ears, making him deaf to anyone and anything as he dragged Kris’s body away from the stage. He could only focus on Kris, ripping his jacket off to soak up the blood, hands pushing down to put pressure on the wound.
“Kris, stay with me. Stay with me!” he shouted. Using his shoulder to tap his earpiece, he screamed out to his team, “I need a fucking ambulance now! Gunshot wound, he’s down!”
Devon’s voice crackled through, “Thirty seconds. And Marcus got the crazy chick. Where are you?”
“Behind the stage, right corner.”
“Got it. Ten seconds. Already contacted ‘Noop and Cale. Take care of your boy, I got shit covered here.”
“Thanks, D.”
The EMTs quickly hooked up the IV to Kris’s arm and bandaged his chest. After watching them place Kris on the gurney, Adam leapt into the back of the ambulance with them.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Adam chanted softly to himself. “Be okay. You have to be okay.”
**
The room was finally silent, as the doctor and nurse left ten minutes ago and his mom went to the vending machine to get more coffee. Kris craned his neck to see the back of the security guard’s head through the small window of the door and sighed that it wasn’t who he wanted it to be. A week in the hospital, and he was antsy to get out. Turning back around, he stared at the ceiling that was supposed to be white. Letting out another sigh, he moved his hand around until he found the small remote to adjust the bed so he could sit up more.
He barely remembered getting to the hospital. The only memories he had were of the searing pain in his shoulder and Adam’s terrified face as people worked around and over him. When he came to, he was on a bed covered by wires and tubes and his mama holding his hand, eyes red and puffy from crying. As he became more and more aware of his surroundings, the only person he kept looking for was Adam.
Balloons, stuffed animals, giant cards and flowers filled the room. The cloying sweetness was making him nauseated, and he made a note to get the nurses to move them out and give them away to other patients. Seeing as the one thing…or rather, person…he wanted wasn’t in the room, he didn’t give a shit.
After three days, he resigned himself to the fact that Adam wasn’t coming around. Just when Kris thought they might have made some sort of progress, had an uneasy truce, some fucked up bitch had to go and shoot him. On Adam’s watch.
A brief knock on the door startled him. He looked to see Cale popping his head in. “The nurses said you were up, so I figured I’d see how you’re doing,” he said.
Kris motioned for him to come in. “Just want to get out of here,” Kris answered.
“The doc said tomorrow, right?”
Nodding, Kris said, “Yeah.”
“So, uh,” Cale started. “One of us will be here tomorrow when you’re discharged. We’ll pick up your mom beforehand. Your physical therapy schedule is on the books, so we made arrangements with the clinic. Carla and Jacob cleared everything else for a couple of weeks while you get your bearings back and before you start PT.”
“Is, uh…” Kris cleared his throat. “How’s…” he looked away.
Cale pulled the chair and set it down next to the bed. “Adam’s fine. He wasn’t hurt, just a little shaken up.”
“That’s good.”
“He’s been wanting to swing by to see how you’re doing, but with the new clients…”
“It’s okay,” Kris said wearily. “I get it.”
“It’s not that…It’s not what you think,” Cale stopped. He stood up and forced a small smile on his face, “He’s beating himself up over this. I know he wants to see you, but…”
“Wasn’t his fault.”
“He thinks it was.”
**
The bar got eerily silent. Or maybe that was just in Kris’s head.
“Get warm,” Adam said, turning back to face the bottle in front of him. “Now, go away.”
Kris slipped on the jacket, which hung from his shoulders like he was wearing his father’s jacket. Except, it smelled like Adam and there was no way he was giving it back.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Kris said slowly through his chattering teeth. “I need to talk to you.”
Wrapping his arms around himself, Kris shuffled closer to the bar and where Adam sat. Adam stared resolutely at the bottle, ignoring Kris.
“Adam?”
“I said go away.”
Kris watched as Adam sloppily poured more whiskey into the glass and finished it in one gulp.
“Please, talk to me,” Kris begged.
“Talk?” Adam snorted. “Nothing to talk about.”
“You’re drunk.”
“Not quite yet, but I’m getting there.” Adam smiled crookedly and held up his glass. “Just a few more I think.”
Kris pulled out the barstool and sat next to him. He watched in consternation as Adam emptied the bottle. The bartender came over to remove the bottle and placed two bottles of water in front of him. Adam put his arm out over the bar and laid his head on it, head turned away from Kris.
“You gonna take him home?” the bartender asked.
Kris nodded, biting his lip, trying to figure out how exactly he’d to that.
“I’m Mike,” the man said, extending his beefy hand. “Might as well introduce myself.”
“Kris.”
“Well, if you don’t mind hanging out a bit longer, I can help you get Adam home after I close up.”
“Thanks, man. Appreciate it.”
“Here,” Mike said handing over a small set of keys. “Hold onto them. You need me to call one of the guys for additional help?”
Kris looked over at Adam and shook his head, “I think between the two of us, we should be able to do it. He lives right around the corner.”
Mike nodded brusquely and left them alone.
Kris looked at the keys. Two of his guitar picks had small holes drilled into them and were hanging from the fob. He couldn’t help but smile as he rubbed them between his fingers. Kris reached over to grab one of the water bottles and waited.
After another hour, the bar slowly cleared out, the steady sound of rain coming through as the door opened and closed as each patron left. Kris observed Mike and his staff quickly and efficiently clean up the bar.
Mike came out from the back with his jacket on and a coat over his arm.
“Still raining, so we should put this on him.”
“Yeah,” Kris agreed. He got off the stool and tried to coax Adam’s loose limbs into the extra coat.
“Fuck, you’re stupid heavy and droopy when you’re drunk,” Kris mumbled.
Adam took that opportunity to wake up. “Woooow, I forgot how rema…rekarm…how amazing your powers of obse…obersation are,” he slurred out.
After several attempts, they got the coat onto Adam and slid him off the barstool. Not surprisingly, Mike took most of Adam’s weight, leaving Kris to open the door into the rain. Helping Mike lock up, they stumbled together around the corner and up the street to Adam’s apartment.
Shifting so he could bear more of Adam’s weight as they walked, Kris winced as the sharp stabs of pain jolted through his shoulder.
“You okay?” Mike asked.
“Fine,” Kris said through clenched teeth.
“He’snot fiiine,” Adam garbled out. “Fuckin got shot. Sho…shouldn’t be here. Hoshipitle. Bad shape. Cuz of me.”
“I’m fine.”
“Let me…”
“We’re almost there. I’m fine, Mike.”
By the time they rode up the elevator and made it down the hall to Adam’s apartment, Kris couldn’t tell how much of his soaked skin was from the rain or from sweat. They leaned Adam against the wall as Kris tried to unlock the door with his slick hands. Throwing a quick prayer of thanks when the alarm system didn’t go off, since Kris didn’t actually know the code to deactivate it, Kris held the door open as Mike half-dragged Adam into the apartment and set him on the couch.
“Want me to help get him into the bedroom?”
Kris shook his head and took a deep breath, “No, I think I can manage that.”
“He said you got shot, and you’re shaking like a leaf.”
“It was a few months ago, just haven’t been able to work out like I used to,” Kris answered. “I’m good.”
Mike looked skeptical, “You sure you’re sure.”
“Yeah, man,” Kris said. He held out his hand, “Thanks for helping me out this much.”
Mike took his hand, “Glad to help out.” He looked at Adam’s slumped figure and shook his head. “Don’t know what’s going on with him. He’s never been like this before, at least not at my bar.”
Kris knew, but figured it wasn’t Mike’s business to know. “It wasn’t his fault,” Kris said out loud. Mike gave him a strange look. “Me getting shot,” he explained. “It wasn’t his fault.” Mike merely nodded. Kris looked over at Adam, “Maybe the hangover in the morning will keep him from doing it again.”
“Hopefully,” Mike said. “Have a good night, Kris.”
“You, too. And, thanks again.”
He took off the coat and tossed it onto the lone chair in the corner, then stood over Adam trying to figure out where to start. Rubbing his shoulder, he went to look for towels and dry clothes.
Tempting as it was to snoop around Adam’s place, Kris focused on getting Adam dry and comfortable. He grabbed a couple t-shirts from dresser in bedroom, a few towels from the linen closet, aspirin from the cabinet in the bathroom and water from the kitchen. After setting everything down, he went to work, drying himself then Adam off, turning off the lights and closing the blinds.
Settling down on one corner of the couch, he pulled Adam’s head into his lap and covered them with a blanket. With a deep breath, he closed his eyes.
**
Adam couldn’t open his eyes. Every time he tried, a piercing pain sunk deeper into his brain, which then caused a throbbing sting in his head, which made him want to open his eyes, which just started the vicious cycle again. He groaned at the pain, though even that sounded muffled and pathetic to his own ears.
The pounding and thumping ache over his entire body made him hurt. He whimpered until warm hands smoothed over his head, massaging his scalp, rubbing his neck and shoulders. He relaxed as the pain subsided. He curled into the warmth under him, soft yet firm; he moved his arm to squish it closer to him and stopped when he heard a yelping sound.
“It’s, uh, it’s okay,” a voice said softly. “Just wasn’t expecting your hand to, um, reach that way.” A quiet chuckle. “Can you sit up?”
Adam shook his head. A burst of pain that felt like giant ice picks flying through his skull followed. Fuck that hurt.
“I need you to try and sit up so you can drink some water and take the aspirin. Then it won’t hurt as much when you wake up again.”
Not hurting as bad sounded splendid, but Adam couldn’t move. “Can’t,” he croaked out, his throat somehow coated with eight pounds of sandpaper.
“I know it hurts, but can you please try?” the voice said cajolingly. “I’ll help. Just a little bit.”
Adam felt his head being lifted off the warm pillow and nearly cried. Fingers placed two pills on his tongue, then he swallowed the water somehow, forcing the pills down his throat.
“That’s great. Okay, now back to sleep.”
He exhaled in relief as he felt his head go horizontal again, heat on his cheek. “Kris,” he sighed. “Don’t go. Don’t leave me, please.” The pillow underneath him moved again, like a body trying to get comfortable, but before he could think anymore about how odd that was, sleep took him under.
**
“Ow, shit,” Kris muttered as he hopped on one foot out of the bathroom. As he pulled on a shirt, the moment his head popped out, he saw a rumpled Adam sitting on the corner of the bed and barely held in a screech. “Fucking…fuck, you scared the shit out of me.”
Kris quickly pulled down the t-shirt, self-conscious because it was Adam’s and he was staring at it like he’d never seen it before.
“Uh, hope you don’t mind. My stuff is in the dryer and it’ll be a few more minutes, and I didn’t want to walk around your place half naked,” Kris blurted out. Silence greeted him. “Uh, I put your stuff in there, too. The rain soaked us pretty bad, and I’m sure you didn’t want all the wet clothes lying in a…” He stopped and slowly approached Adam, who hadn’t moved but continued to stare. “Adam? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
When Kris stopped in front of him, Adam reached out cautiously, his hand shaking. Kris stood still as Adam’s fingers raked over his over his chest, and bit his tongue as Adam’s hand moved down, lifting the end of the shirt up and touched skin. He gasped as Adam grabbed his waist and pulled him forward, wrapping his arms around Kris, burying his head into the shirt.
Kris bent over and rubbed Adam’s back with slow, soothing motions. “It’s okay, I’m here.”
He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, only knew his legs were starting to give. Adam’s grip on him didn’t waver, but he still tried to move.
“Adam,” he whispered as he straightened to relieve the pain in his back. “Let’s lie down. The bed’s right here, and it’ll be more comfortable.”
To his relief, Adam nodded. Kris was able to wriggle a little as the arms around him loosened. Somehow he maneuvered their bodies diagonally across the bed, but as soon as they hit the surface, Adam twisted them until Kris was flat on his back. Kris watched in fascination as Adam snuggled his body like a pillow, legs tangled together, head on his chest and arms draped over his sides.
He hugged Adam to him, his weight a comfort, like a cozy familiar blanket, and slept.
When Kris opened his eyes to the bright sunlight, Adam was gone. He shook his head in disappointment. Was it a fucked up dream? A possibility considering how he had the comforter curled under him, his arms wrapped securely around it like a substitute body. Padding to the bathroom to fix himself up, he readied himself to face Adam’s wrath and leave. He’d call Bobby to pick him up.
**
Adam paced around the living room and kitchen, waiting for Kris to appear. He heard noise from the guest bedroom a while ago. What was taking Kris so long?
When he woke up, his eyes and brain finally decided to cooperate and started to function normally…well, as normal as they could, considering the pain that was searing through every part of his body. He sat up in the dark and looked for Kris. Panic struck him. Did Kris leave? Did he imagine Kris dragging his sorry ass home? Make up the part where he was holding Kris on the damned couch? Then he heard the shower go on and hobbled to the guestroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited…until Kris appeared from around the corner. All he knew was that he didn’t want to even blink, because then Kris’s image would fade away, vanish like it always did.
Adam had reached out and felt the solid muscles of Kris’s body. The apparition in front of him felt real, something that had never happened before. Before it could disappear, he grabbed at it and buried his face. His muddled brain tried to make sense of the words going in and out of his ear, but Adam ignored it…disregarded it until he was falling back onto the bed with this Kris in his arms. His limbs twisted and turned, until the body under him couldn’t get away. With the sound of a steady heartbeat in his ear, he closed his eyes and slept.
When he woke for the second time, the hammering in his head was replaced by one in his chest. His body was fused around Kris, huddled tight, their hands knotted together and crossed over Kris’s heart. It wasn’t a figment of his imagination, his mind fucking with him as it had been for months. Kris was here. The voices he thought were little demons from his warped brain were real.
Untangling himself from Kris, Adam took the time to re-learn Kris’s face. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he looked tired, even in sleep. Pressing a kiss to Kris’s left shoulder, Adam got off the bed and left Kris to rest.
Adam took his time in the shower, then cleaned up the mess in the living room. He threw the strange coat on his chair into his dry clean bag and tossed the damp towels and blankets into the washing machine, but didn’t turn it on so Kris wouldn’t awaken. Finally, he checked his phone. He stepped out onto the balcony to call Anoop and Cale back.
“Hey ‘Noop, hold on, gonna get Cale on the other line.”
“Fucking shit to shinola, Adam! Where the fuck have you been?” Cale shouted in greeting.
“I’m fine. Hungover, but fine, thanks for asking,” Adam replied. “And how are you this fine misty morning?”
“Adam, are you okay? What’s going on? Where are you?” Anoop asked.
“I’m home. Had a rough night.”
“Rough night?” Cale queried. “Don’t talk to us about rough nights, Lambert.”
“Cale,” Anoop said reasonably. “Give him a minute. I bet he hasn’t even had coffee yet.”
“I don’t fucking care,” Cale shouted. “Kris has gone MIA and everyone and their mama is freaking out. He’s been sneaking out and doing fuck knows what the last few months, but he always came back, right as someone noticed he was missing. This time, the little shit never came home. Bobby, Carla and Matt are going crazy, losing their minds driving us…”
“He’s here,” Adam interrupted. He pulled the phone away from his ear knowing what was coming.
“What?!?!” Cale screeched.
“Come again?” Anoop asked.
Adam rubbed his face and breathed out. “He showed up at JPs last night. I got smashed, he crashed here.”
“Wait…what?” Cale asked.
“Long story, but he’s here, sleeping,” Adam said wearily. “And, no…he’s in the guest room, okay?”
Anoop sighed, “Talk, work it out, Adam. Just be happy, okay?”
“Ditto,” Cale grunted.
Sensing movement behind him, Adam turned to see Kris walking into the living room. “Uh, guys, I gotta go. Talk to you later.”
Clicking off the phone, Adam walked into his apartment. Kris stepped closer, but cautiously as if unsure he was welcome. Adam saw that he put on the clothes he pulled out of the dryer and set on the bed. He pouted; Kris looked much better in one of Adam’s shirt, especially in the morning.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Kris replied.
“You okay?”
“Uh, yeah. Um, I should get out of here. I’ll call Bobby to pick me up,” Kris said rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll…I’ll leave you alone.”
“I was going to make some coffee,” Adam stated, heading into the kitchen. “You want some?”
“Sure,” Kris answered. “You haven’t seen my phone, have you?”
Adam didn’t answer, instead listened as Kris ruffled through cushions and books in the living room area.
As the coffeemaker gurgled the last of the water, Kris stood at the counter and put his face in his hands. “I hope I didn’t drop my phone somewhere on the street,” Kris grumbled.
“Here,” Adam said putting a steaming mug in front of him. “And, here.” He placed Kris’s phone next to the mug. At Kris’s incredulous look, he shrugged. “We need to talk, and I didn’t want to you calling anyone,” he said unapologetically.
Kris blew on the coffee, and Adam’s eyes automatically fixated on his lips. Kris looked up through his lashes and nearly sputtered. He choked down the coffee and turned away. “Talk about what?” Kris asked.
“Um, us, actually.”
**
“Oh, uh…I…” Kris stammered. He put down his mug and grabbed the phone. “I really should go.”
Adam covered his hand, and all Kris could do was stare at it. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe as normal as possible.
“Kris, please.”
Kris pulled his hand away making the phone fall to the floor, its clatter a giant explosion in the quiet room. He stepped back, bumping into the small dining set and shook his head, “No, no, no.” Pointing a shaky finger, he said, “You do not get to do this. You said there was no us.” He beat his chest, “I’ve spent months, months talking myself out of falling for you. So, no, we’re not going to talk about an us that doesn’t exist.”
“Kris…”
“Fuck you, Adam,” Kris spat out. Grabbing his phone from the floor, he headed towards the living room.
“Then why’d you come looking for me last night?” Adam asked softly.
His steps faltered as Adam’s hands landed on his shoulders, halting his movement to the door. He was shaking and was angry that Adam was able to feel it.
Kris dropped his head and answered, “I know you were beating yourself up over the shooting. My mama told me you were there every night, at the hospital, but didn’t come inside the room. And, since you’re not…you…no…we don’t…I thought you should know I didn’t and don’t blame you for it.”
“Why’d you stay?”
“Adam…”
He let Adam turn him around, but refused to meet his eyes. Instead, his head crashed into the cusp of Adam’s neck and shoulder, as Adam’s arms enfolded him in warmth.
Adam’s embrace weakened his resolve, and Kris’s body just melted into him, arms winding around Adam’s back. Adam’s hot breath was near his ear. “I can try,” he was saying. “I mean, I want to try…This us thing. Only if you want to, though.”
“I want to,” Kris whispered into Adam’s shirt.
Kris smiled as he felt Adam release his breath. He held Kris to him tighter, hand cupping the back of his head, smooshing his face into Adam’s shoulder.
“Adam.”
“Yeah?”
“I can’t breathe,” Kris’s muffled voice was strained against his shirt.
“Oh, god, sorry,” Adam said loosening his hold.
Kris’s head fell back and he stared at Adam’s face. He closed his eyes as Adam’s fingers flitted lightly over his face, stopping to trace the dark spots and lines around his eyes.
“I’m so sorry.”
Kris nodded. He understood what Adam was really apologizing for. Opening his eyes, he watched Adam lean down until their foreheads touched, one shaking hand carefully reaching out to touch Kris’s left shoulder.
“It’s okay,” Kris confirmed. “I’m okay.”
He reached out to palm the side of Adam’s face. Bring their lips together softly, carefully. “I’m okay.”
“Good.”
Kris moaned as Adam gripped his face and deepened the kiss.
~the.end~
~ * ~ * ~
Soundtrack:
I Don’t Wanna Know - Kris Allen
Laid - Better Than Ezra
Lost in You - Three Days Grace
Crazy for You - Madonna
Fade Into Me - David Cook
Perfect Symmetry - Keane
I Have Nothing - Whitney Houston
Look Me in the Heart - Tina Turner
Still Got Tonight - Matthew Morrison
Only You - Yaz
Rated: NC-17
The BBQ dinner didn’t turn out the way Kris had imagined it in his head. Instead of a relaxed evening on the deck, drinking beer with a couple of steaks and shooting the shit, getting to know Adam better, there was barely any conversation. When Adam wasn’t on the phone, he barely looked at Kris, then ate too quickly and left Kris alone immediately after cleaning things up. Kris barely had time to take a breath before Adam disappeared back up the stairs.
The next day, he felt Adam’s eyes on him from the upstairs bedroom window where Adam was hiding out. As he laid out sunning himself, killing time, Kris inadvertently noticed the blinds shifting. With a knowing smirk, from then on, Kris made sure his swim trunks were as low as possible on his hips as he sat in the sun, bones barely holding them up. And, instead of using the sunscreen spray, he switched to lotion so he could leisurely rub himself down; didn’t matter that he used the spray before he headed downstairs.
It was his mission to break Adam down. What happened between them, in the shower, it wasn’t nothing. Kris knew this…felt it with every fiber of his being. He had never wanted anything or anyone more than Adam, and he’d do whatever was necessary to get him. There was something between them. Just because Adam just didn’t want to admit it or was too scared to acknowledge it, Kris would make him change his mind.
However, over the last couple of days, Adam barred himself in the den downstairs, which had no windows facing the backyard. Kris had to regroup and come up with another plan. He wandered in and out of the house and could hear Adam talking over the news channel coming from the television speakers.
And, since Adam was locked inside with no seemingly no intention of coming out unless absolutely necessary, Kris set his plan into motion. Whistling to himself, Kris rustled around the kitchen seeing what was available in the pantry, making up a list to call the market for a new delivery. He wouldn’t rely on a sputtering gas/charcoal grill and a couple of bottles of beer. No, he was ready to seduce and claim.
**
Adam finished the phone call and slumped into the chair, fingers tapping the edge of the desk. For the last few days, he had retreated to the den. It was a dark room, with floor to ceiling shelves lining the walls, and those were packed with books, family photos and various knick-knacks. Best of all, the only window in the den faced the street, so he couldn’t be tempted by Kris.
He heard noises coming from the kitchen, yet was too afraid to go out to see what Kris was doing. He knew he was being a complete chickenshit about this whole situation; but hiding out seemed like the best option. One could only take so much torture…Kris half-dressed in the sun, hipbone jutting out, enticing him…rubbing sunscreen slowly over his chest…
He knew Kris was being deliberate with his actions; it was obvious. The question was whether Adam would be able to withstand it and not succumb. Every night and sometimes twice during the day, he had to jump into the shower to jack off. He thought he heard moans coming from Kris’s room, but didn’t investigate it any further. A man only had so much restraint; otherwise Kris would be on his back or on his knees for days.
The knock on the door startled him, nearly knocking him out of his chair.
“Yeah, come on in,” Adam shouted out as he straightened himself on the chair.
Kris peeked his head in and smiled, “Hey, I made dinner. Do you have time to join me?”
Adam’s heart skipped a beat at the shy smile. He busied his hands with some files as he replied, “Oh, wow. You didn’t have to go to any trouble.”
“No trouble,” Kris replied. “Needed to keep busy. So, when you’re ready…”
“Uh, yeah. Give me five minutes?”
With the click of the door, Adam released his breath in a steady, long stream and flopped back into the seat. After a few fortifying deep breaths, he stood up and braced himself for what would be beyond the door. It was only dinner, right? A quick meal, some conversation. He could sit down and enjoy a few hours with Kris. It was the least he could do. It was shitty of Adam to leave Kris alone for the bulk of the day with nothing to do. No wonder it seemed like he was plotting Adam’s downfall.
**
Kris looked over at the closed door again, worrying his bottom lip. Had it been five minutes? Less? More? He didn’t want to start pulling the food out and serve something cold, but then he wanted everything ready for when Adam exited the den. Pushing himself away from the counter, Kris started lighting the candles and took the salad out of the refrigerator.
He was grabbing the casserole from the oven when he felt Adam watching him. Ignoring the sudden flutter in his stomach, Kris continued to move as if nothing was affecting him.
“Hey, just in time,” Kris said, placing the hot baking dish on the stove. “Hope you’re hungry.”
“It smells amazing. Do you need help with anything?”
“If you could grab the wine glasses and pour us some wine.”
“Sure,” Adam rounded the counter and reached over Kris to grab the glasses. “Anything else? It looks like you have a lot of stuff going on.”
Kris concentrated on keeping his hand from shaking as he placed the chicken onto their plates. As Adam headed to the table, Kris turned his head slightly to watch Adam from the corner of his eyes. Adam’s lean and tall form was distracting him, but it was a sight for him, like he had been starving for the vision. Adam was wearing loose jeans and another faded t-shirt, nothing spectacular as the tux or his thousand dollar suits, but as far as Kris was concerned, Adam would be naked in a few hours, so it didn’t really matter.
“Here we go,” Kris said, bringing the plates to the table. “I just need to mix the dressing for the salad, and we can eat.”
**
“How’d you get into the security/bodyguarding business?” Kris asked as he stood up, removing the empty plates from the table.
“Oh, uh, huh,” Adam said, lips pursing out. His fingers played with the rim of the water glass. “The three of us, Anoop, Cale and me, we just kind of fell into it, I guess. We all met in high school. Anoop’s dad ran finance for a security firm, and he got us part-time jobs there.” He stopped to laugh. “Mostly to keep us out of trouble, and I think he was sick of us fucking around and listening to music all day.”
“And that turned into starting your own agency?”
“Yeah, eventually, after college. Crazy huh?” Adam stacked some plates. “Hey, you cooked dinner. The least I could do is clean up,” he said getting up from the table.
“If you wash, I can dry,” Kris said. “It’ll be done faster.”
“Sure.”
They washed and dried the plates, glasses, cups and pots and pans, working seamlessly.
“What made you get into the whole music thing?” Adam asked as he rinsed the last of the glasses. “You never thought of doing anything else?”
Kris thought carefully about what he was going to say, immediately tossing out what his PR team helped craft for him years ago. “No,” he finally answered. “I mean, I guess while I was playing for three drunks after driving two hours from home, I had major doubts. But, it was something I felt like I needed to do. I never felt happy doing anything else.”
Adam smiled as he wiped his hands on a towel, “That great. A lot of people let fear rule them. You should be glad you didn’t give up.”
“Oh, there were plenty of times I almost gave up,” Kris admitted. He reached across Adam’s body to hang the dishtowel on a rack. He heard Adam’s quick intake of breath as his arm brushed against Adam’s waist. “I think my family finally knew I was serious about it when I dropped out of college and decided to move to LA,” he continued to say.
“That was a bold thing to do.”
“I suppose,” Kris answered. “No different than the hundreds of people moving here to be an actor or model or whatever.” He turned to lean against the counter. “I have dessert. Do you want to have it here or outside on the deck?”
“Uh…well,” Adam stammered.
“Coffee or tea?” Kris said, not giving Adam a choice to flake out. “It’s nothing fancy, just an apple crumble thing I learned from my mom. I think tea or even milk would go best.” Moving away from the counter, Kris nudged Adam into motion. “If you get the tea out, I’ll get the water boiling and warm up the crumble.”
“I…I…”
“You have to at least have a bite with me,” Kris pouted. “Come on.”
“Fine, just a little bit then,” Adam relented.
**
Adam moved to grab the box of tea from the cabinet; feeling self-conscious at the rise of his shirt as he stretched up to reach it. After pulling it down, he squared his shoulders and started to turn around…Kris was standing right behind him, the scent of him battering him.
Memories of that night…the way Kris felt, tasted, his body warmer than he remembered.
Kris didn’t move any closer. Adam couldn’t move at all.
“Kris…” Adam whispered. He cleared his throat, “Kris, what…”
“What?” Kris asked back softly.
Adam couldn’t help but jump a little as Kris touched his hand, which was tightly gripping the box. Kris’s callused hand moved from Adam’s fingertips and roamed up to his elbow, causing a wake of goose bumps in its path. The pressure on Adam’s elbow made him turn the rest of the way, facing Kris, looking down as Kris gazed up at him. Kris turned off the burner with his free hand as the one on Adam’s elbow moved back to unclasp his fingers from the box. He tangled their fingers together.
“Don’t think about it,” Kris said in a low voice. “Just go with what you feel.” A pause as he leaned in. “I want you to let go and do what you want…what you feel.”
Lowering his head so their foreheads met, Adam closed his eyes. He pulled their hands up to rest between their bodies, free hand moving up to grip Kris’s neck. Instead of drawing away, Kris reached out and put his hand on Adam’s hip, sliding his fingers along the waistband of Adam’s jeans, skimming his skin. His touch was light, but it burned Adam all the way through.
“What do you want Adam?”
Adam shuddered as the grip around waist got tighter. “Fuck me, but I want you.” He tilted Kris’s head up and slammed his lips against Kris’s, pushing him back until the refrigerator stopped them.
Kris’s groan only intensified Adam’s kiss. Kris’s soft lips against his, hard body lined up against his own, only thin strips of clothes separating them. Their tangled fingers released on their own and moved to grip each other, moving up and down and over skin and cotton. Kris’s mouth opened and Adam’s pushed in his tongue, licking and sucking, pulling Kris to him closer.
**
Kris stretched out on the bed with a soft moan, his muscles protesting against the movement. He smiled and reached over to touch Adam. His hand smoothed over the sheets into empty space, cold from the lack of body heat. Sitting up quickly, Kris looked over to the side of the bed, thinking his arm didn’t extend far enough. Panic filled him as he twisted around to check the room, eyeing the door to the bathroom then over to the windows where he saw a dark shape…Adam.
Checking the clock on the nightstand, Kris fell back onto the bed and twisted over, resting his head on his arm to study Adam in silence. Dressed in only boxers, Adam was leaning against a wall, arms braced high against the window sills. The shutters were wide open, the bright moon emitting a glow into the room, casting Adam’s body into a long shadow on the hardwood floor. He looked anything, but relaxed, muscles bunched taut, body straining with tension.
Kris threw the sheet off him and leaned down to grab his boxers off the floor. Padding across the room, he wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist and kissed a small path down his spine.
“You okay?”
Lowering his arms, Adam’s hands covered Kris’s, lifting them up to trap them against his bare chest. “Yeah.”
“It’s almost four. Come back to bed,” Kris whispered.
“I…I should…” Adam started to say.
“You should come back to bed,” Kris stated. “With me.”
“Kris…”
Kris moved his hands against Adam’s nipples and traced circles along his shoulder blades with his tongue.
“We got her,” Adam announced quietly.
Kris went still. “When?”
“A few hours ago. Anoop called to let me know.”
“What happens next?”
Adam shrugged, his shoulders and chest moving Kris’s stilled hands. “We head back, get your life going again.”
“Wha…what about,” Kris started to say. He rested his head between Adam’s shoulder blades. “What about us? This?”
Kris’s hands lifted up and he felt Adam’s soft lips softly kiss each knuckle.
“Kris…there is no us.”
Adam let go of their hands and peeled away from Kris. “I never should have let this happen.” He turned to face Kris and cupped his face gently, “Try to get some more sleep. We’ll head back to LA later this afternoon. I have to meet with the team.”
Kris stood by the window and waited for the click of the door. Adam had walked out. It was the loudest silence he ever heard.
**
The shades of the conference room in the AMG office on the 15th floor were raised, leaving all the windows open, providing a postcard-ready view that overlooked the high-end shops of Beverly Hills and the high-rises of Century City. Soft lights were lit to magically combine with glow of the setting sun only a city like Los Angeles could offer.
Jacob was beaming. Cale and Anoop were all smiles. Adam wanted to bang his head and make cracks in the veneer of this seemingly amazing day. He glanced over at Kris, who was sitting at the end of the table poking at a small plate of snacks.
The drive back to LA had been silent and uncomfortable, unspoken questions and thoughts hanging in the air between them. After dropping Kris off at his house, Adam quickly drove away and locked himself in his apartment for two days, avoiding phone calls, barely eating, and drinking his memories away. Cale and Anoop dropped by on the third day, mostly to get him out of the house, but also to figure out what they would do next. Adam pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to pay attention to the meeting.
“We’re all agreed that we’ll be keeping this, uh, situation out of the press,” Jacob stated. “No need to publicize the fact that one of our artists was being stalked and threatened.” He looked at the three men, “I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but I can’t thank you enough.”
“It’s what we do,” Anoop said succinctly. “We should discuss next steps.”
“Of course,” Jacob nodded. “I spoke with the label and the rest of Kris’s team this morning, and we’d like to continue with the original contract with just a few minor adjustments due to the apprehension of the stalker.”
“Naturally,” Anoop agreed. He pulled out the paperwork and slid a file folder to Jacob. He hesitated a bit, but slid another to Kris. “We’ve made addendums to reflect the current status and the recommended changes. If you agree…”
“What are the changes?” Kris asked, not looking up from his plate.
Anoop cleared his throat and looked to Adam, who studiously continued to ignore them, then over the Cale who shrugged.
“Well, basically, nothing much changes,” Anoop stated. He flipped a few pages. “We’ll be cutting back on the 24-hour surveillance, so you won’t have anyone from Praesidio living with you seven days a week. We’ll no longer be residing in the guest house except when needed, and will meet with your staff a few times a month, just to review the camera footage and go over any new or adjust protocols. You’ll still have someone from the team with you for events, parties, etc.”
“Who?”
“Who? I don’t understand.” Anoop looked to Jacob.
“Who’ll be playing babysitter and for how much longer?” Kris spit out. He shoved the plate of food away from him and grabbed the file folder.
“Kris,” Jacob butted in. “In your position and considering what happened, I think it’s for the best that we continue with Praesidio’s services until things calm down a little more. I don’t want us celebrating this success when something else can happen next week. They’re under contract for another year, but we can re-visit this after a few more months and see where we are. We’ll make adjustments as needed.”
“We’ve, uh, subcontracted some of the work,” Cale chimed in. “We know you’ve had some, um, strong feelings about some of the folks on the team, and want to make sure you’re comfortable with the new people who will be with you. We’re working with Carla to find some time in your schedule so we can bring them by and introduce them to you.”
Jacob said nervously, “We expect your cooperation with this, Kris.”
Kris waved a hand, “Fine, whatever.” He pushed back from his chair. “Are we done?”
**
Kris didn’t wait for confirmation and left the room. He heard footsteps behind him, but didn’t stop until he had to. Fucking elevator.
“Kris!” Adam shouted. “Wait.”
Like he had a choice. He pushed the button again and gnawed on his lip, debating whether or not he’d be able to handle 15 flights of stairs when Adam approached him.
“Cale called Bobby, he’s waiting with the car,” Adam stated.
“Well, as a client, I would think that’s the least you could do for me,” Kris bit out, pressing on the button harder. “Oh wait, you didn’t do it, Cale did. You just sat back and ignored me like you’ve been doing the last three days.”
“Listen, Kris…”
“Fuck off, Adam.”
The elevator pinged with its arrival, doors opening with a whoosh. Kris stomped into the empty compartment, rolling his eyes as Adam walked in right behind him.
“Oh, now you want to talk to me,” Kris said angrily. “Now, you don’t have a problem being this close to me.” He stepped in close to Adam, making him back up until his back hit handrail and wall. “You’ll only talk to me, touch me when no one’s around or looking? Is that how it works?”
Adam slid over a few inches to get away, but Kris shot his arm out, trapping him into the corner. “Tell me the rules, Adam.”
“You’re a client, Kris. We…I shouldn’t have let anything happen,” Adam replied.
“But, you’re attracted to me.”
“That’s not the point.”
“What if I fired you? Praesidio? Got a new security firm?”
“Nothing will change,” Adam stated.
Ready to challenge Adam’s statement, Kris gritted his teeth when the elevator stopped and opened. He glared out at the people attempting to come in, “Get the fuck out and wait for the next one!” and pushed the button to close the doors.
Kris narrowed his eyes as Adam moved away from the corner. “So, you’re saying even if I fire you, there can be nothing between us.”
“There is no us,” Adam said, staring over Kris’s shoulder. “What happened…it…there can’t be…”
Stepping in front of him again, Kris grabbed Adam’s face and brought it down to meet his lips, cutting off whatever he was going to say. Rising up on his toes, he sealed their mouths together, skimming his lips over Adam’s, tongue pushing to gain entrance. He did a mental fist-pump when Adam moaned, opening his mouth and their tongues met.
Adam’s hands gripped the back of Kris’s head and moved forward until Kris’s back hit the wall. Kris slid his hands into Adam’s hair, meeting every stroke, every bite with his own.
The elevator stopped with a subtle shake, the buzz blasting through the small space indicating that it was on the lobby level. Adam jerked away from Kris as if pulled by invisible string. “Shit…shit…shit,” Adam mumbled as he ran fingers haphazardly through his hair.
Kris touched his lips and smirked as he exited the elevator when the doors glided open. He felt Adam behind him. “Nothing between us?” Kris said quietly, knowing Adam would be able to hear him. He looked over his shoulder, “Who exactly are you lying to, Adam?”
They walked out to the curb where Bobby was waiting with the car. Kris motioned for Bobby to get in while he faced Adam.
“That can’t happen again,” Adam stated, his expression blank.
“Oh, it can,” Kris smiled. “And, it will.” Kris reached out to tug on Adam’s wrinkled collar.
Adam grabbed his hand tightly, “No, it can’t.” He lowered their hands and let go. “Your new security detail will be up to speed on everything, so the transition should be fairly seamless.”
Kris stopped grinning, “You’re not a part of it anymore?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Adam shook his head, “It wouldn’t be a good idea.”
“Not a…” Kris scowled. “Are you kidding me?”
“Kris…” Adam pleaded.
“So, you won’t fuck me if I’m not a client, but had no problem fucking me while I was paying you? Is that it?”
Adam’s face mottled in anger. “That’s not…” he grounded out.
Kris half-turned to step into the car, “You know what? Fuck. You.” He sat down and slammed the door shut.
**
Cale propped his feet onto the coffee table and crossed his arms behind his head as he lounged on the couch.
“You know,” Cale started to say.
“Don’t start,” Adam blurted out. He walked into the living room with plates and napkins. “And, get your fucking feet off the table.” After making sure Cale’s feet were off the table, he set everything down and opened the box of pizza, closing his eyes at the smell that drifted up.
“You don’t even know what I was going to say,” Cale whined.
“I have a pretty good idea,” Adam retorted, placing a slice on a plate and handing it to Cale. “And, don’t think I don’t know that this shitty rouse of bringing over pizza and wanting to just hang out is so you can talk to me.”
“Mmmm, but it’s damn good pizza though,” Cale said between bites. “Plus, who else would I hang out with and watch chick flicks with on a Friday night?”
“You’re girlfriend Christi, maybe?” Adam offered up. “Or, I don’t know, maybe some straight friends that would go to the game with you?”
“Dude, the NBA’s locked-out, no games even if I wanted to go.”
“Isn’t there like basketball or baseball or something?”
Cale choked back a laugh, “The NBA is basketball, you dumbshit.”
“Like I really care.”
“Anyway,” Cale continued. “It’s not like I give a fuck about either the Lakers or the Clippers. And baseball in this town sucks. Plus, Christi’s out with her girlfriends tonight. Had nothing better to do.”
Adam finished his slice and wiped his mouth, “So, you decided you’d come over here and bug me.”
“Yeah, pretty much,” Cale chuckled.
“I’m not working the event next weekend, so don’t even think about asking,” Adam said, twisting off the cap of the water bottle. “We’ve already divvied up the schedule.”
“It’s been six months, Adam,” Cale said, exhaling heavily. “This event is kind of a big deal.”
“Ya think?” Adam retorted sarcastically. “But, I’m still not doing it. Besides, shouldn’t Ruben or Frankie be doing that sort of thing?”
“They’re both booked with other clients that night.” Cale paused, “Plus, he’s asked for you and only you.”
“I’m going on vacation.”
“Going to San Diego to crash at your dad’s place and turning your phone off for a couple days doesn’t equal vacation,” Cale said. He shoved Adam’s arm to reach over for another slice. “Besides, it’s a prestigious event; we could get a ton of new clients from it.”
“Jacob’s already given us enough referrals that we’re practically drowning in little Hollywood celebutards and wannabes.”
“Yes, but they’re paying big bucks, which makes us all happy,” Cale stated. “Well, most of us anyway.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Adam asked.
Cale put his plate down and wiped his hands on a napkin, “Okay, no bullshitting, yeah?”
Adam nodded and put his own plate down. He twisted his body on the couch to face Cale. “Okay, yeah.”
“You’ve been a miserable, grade A asshole the last few months,” Cale said. He held up his hand, “Let me finish.” At Adam’s short nod, he continued. “You’re crazy about the guy. Have been since the first night you laid eyes on him. I know since the whole James thing a few years ago, you’ve had this thing about getting involved with clients, and I get that. Anoop gets that. But, see, here’s the thing…you can’t help who you’re attracted to, who you fall in love with.”
“Who said anything about love?” Adam squeaked out. “It was a stupid hormone, attraction thing, and I’m over it.”
“Are you really?” Cale said, locking his eyes to Adam’s. “Look at me and tell me you’re really over it…over him.”
Adam broke off the staring contest first and turned his head. He stood up, grabbed the dirty plates and walked into the kitchen.
“Talk to him,” Cale said, following him and grabbing a bar stool.
“Nothing to talk about,” Adam grumbled.
“He’s been a major dickhead.”
“Like that’s shocking,” Adam said. He looked at Cale. “What?” He threw his arms up. “What am I supposed to do about that?”
“You’re working the event next Saturday. You’re the only one that’s free that night,” Cale stated. He got off the stool and stretched. “Even if you put it to a vote, you’d lose.” He grabbed his jacket and keys, “And, for the record, you’re in the books, so the rest of the guys know about it.”
“You and Anoop are such assholes!” Adam shouted.
“It’s why we’re besties forever,” Cale said. He stopped at the door, “It’s formal, so bust out your suit or tux or whatever.” He blew Adam a kiss and left.
**
Kris was all smiles as the photographers snapped their pictures, flash upon flash blinding him. He turned this way and that, smiling, laughing and putting his arms around colleagues. Ronnie ushered him expertly from one set of microphones to the next, and he spouted out his 10-second sound bites. He walked the red carpet like he didn’t have a care in the world.
Knowing Adam was his shadow for the night didn’t hurt. He stopped when Ronnie planted him in front of a microphone.
“Kris, good to see you again. You look amazing,” the reporter said.
“Thanks, man. Good to see you, too. How’ve you been?” Kris replied.
“Great, so you’re presenting the Founders Award to Butch Vig tonight. How does that feel?”
“Amazing. He’s one of the greats, and I have so much respect for him. I’m privileged that the foundation asked me to do the honors,” Kris answered. He laughed, “Of course, seeing that he’s lined up to produce my next album doesn’t hurt.”
“So, you are working on your next album.”
“Yeah, a bunch of great songs to cull through, and I’m busting at the seams to get back into the studio and work with Butch.”
The reported smiled, “That’s awesome, looking forward to hearing it. Any dates for when the album will come out?”
Kris laughed, “No, man. It’ll be a few months in the studio, then post-production and all that. I don’t want to give out a date and feel pressure to meet that deadline, you know?”
“So, it sounds like professionally things are good.”
“Things are more than good.”
“You know we have to ask, any news you want to share on the personal…”
Ronnie pulled Kris away with a fake smile, “Sorry, we need to keep the line moving.”
Kris apologized to the reporter and chuckled to himself. He moved down the line again, repeating the same answers in different ways, knowing that the second any question that sounded like it was veering towards his private life, Ronnie would come to the rescue.
He glanced over his shoulder at Adam. Six months, fifteen days and six hours he hadn’t seen or talked him…not that Kris was keeping track. And, all it took was a heart-to-heart two weeks ago and some planning with Cale and Anoop to get Adam back. Well, not completely back, but at least he was here at the event with him. It would’ve been nicer if he would have been here as his date, but bodyguard was fine…for now.
Sitting at the table, Kris was able to participate in the conversations around him, which was remarkable considering how he barely paid attention, instead keeping watch over Adam roaming around the room. He felt an irrational stab of jealousy when Adam leaned in to talk to a few of the other security folks, especially the tall blond one who was supposed to be keeping an eye out on his own client, not Adam.
Somehow, he made it through the presentation without stumbling or fumbling over his lines, and Kris patted himself on the back for not dropping the plaque on Butch’s feet. As the montage of congratulations from Butch’s artists and friends appeared on the projection screen, all Kris could do was steal glances at Adam…hoping each time their eyes would meet. And, each time, Adam would be talking to the blond guy.
Kris said his good-byes as the party wound down. It was time to go…and get Adam away from his new friend. He left the ballroom and found them chatting just outside the main doorway, bottles of water in their hands. They looked friendly, almost flirty, keeping an eye out and sweeping the room with their gazes, but smiling at each other nonetheless.
“I’m ready to head out,” Kris said, not feeling the least bit bad about interrupting them. “I called Bobby, he’s right outside valet.”
“Oh, uh, sure,” Adam responded.
Kris studied his face and saw confusion quickly masked with the blank neutral look he hated. He watched them shake hands and exchange cards. It took everything Kris had not to tear the card in pieces in front of them.
“Are we going?”
“Let’s go.”
Though Kris got stopped every few feet by this person and that, he never really stopped moving. He didn’t want to give blondie a chance to catch up or Adam the chance to turn around and look. Kris jumped into the car and scowled when Adam shut the door behind him and moved to the front passenger seat next to Bobby.
At the house, Kris didn’t go through protocol and wait for Bobby or Adam to open the car door for him after surveying the area. He jumped out as soon as it was put in park and marched into the house, slamming the door behind him.
“What the fuck Kris?” Adam yelled out, following him into the house. “You’re supposed to wait until we give the all clear before you get out of the vehicle.”
“I think I’m okay at my own house,” Kris shouted back as he stripped of his suit jacket and tossed it on a chair. “Considering you personally oversaw the fucking security system.” He kept moving, he needed to keep moving, otherwise he’d jump on Adam and not let go.
Adam grabbed his elbow from behind and yanked him around. “What is wrong with you?”
Kris closed his eyes. He couldn’t look; the heat from Adam’s grip and the internal shakes was enough to deal with. The moment he looked at Adam’s face, into his eyes, Adam would know. He’d be disgusted, possibly horrified or frightened, and leave.
“Why won’t you look at me?” Adam whispered.
“Go home, Adam,” Kris said softly. After he jerked his arm out of Adam’s grasp, he opened his eyes and staggered into the kitchen.
**
Adam stood to the side, hands clasped in front of him as he watched everyone and everything from behind his sunglasses. In his ear, Devon and Marcus bitched about the heat and the crowds. As one of the investors for TinCan Studios and Music Center, Kris was a part of the grand opening. Despite the fact that Praesidio had set up the security system and with assurances from the other investors and local police station that security was more than up to par, Adam, Cale and Anoop insisted on three-man coverage for the event.
It was the first time Kris would be out in a crowd that hadn’t been vetted or on a guest list. The event was free to the general public to generate publicity and goodwill in the community. Though there was no longer a threat to Kris, Adam had a weird feeling, and Cale and Anoop knew to follow through with his gut instincts.
Though metal barriers had been set up around the stage and rent-a-cops in their yellow windbreakers stood with their backs to the podium, the crowd was getting unruly. The sudden fall heat wave and oddly high humidity of downtown LA, combined with the hours of standing and waiting around for the event to start…it was making everyone boisterous.
With the cheers, screams and shouts, Adam knew Kris was heading up to the stage. He moved closer to the rails to make sure he could see everyone in the general vicinity. He tapped his earpiece, “And, here we go guys.” He nodded as Devon and Marcus voiced their readiness.
“Thank you all so much for coming out,” Kris said as soon as he stepped up to the microphone. “I know this heat is a little ridiculous, but I’ll make this quick so we can all head inside and cool down.” He paused as the crowd roared with appreciation. “I’m proud to be associated with TinCan Studios and its Music Center. The goal is to provide music education and specialized training to outstanding students from schools in the downtown area. Starting this year and for years to come, TinCan will be providing fifteen thousand dollar scholarships to five amazing and talented kids to help them continue their music education at the next level.”
Adam was too busy staring at Kris and his smile, so he didn’t notice the movement from behind him. The 9mm came out from a woman’s bag and shot up. Everything happened in slow motion and too fast at the same time, Adam was frozen in place not knowing what to do first. Shots rang out like fireworks and the crowd screamed as they ran away.
He saw Kris fall backward in a lurch, dark red spurts flying from high on his body before hitting the stage. Adam lunged up to the platform, knocking the podium over to grab Kris’s body. Sirens, screams and the pounding of his own heart filled Adam’s ears, making him deaf to anyone and anything as he dragged Kris’s body away from the stage. He could only focus on Kris, ripping his jacket off to soak up the blood, hands pushing down to put pressure on the wound.
“Kris, stay with me. Stay with me!” he shouted. Using his shoulder to tap his earpiece, he screamed out to his team, “I need a fucking ambulance now! Gunshot wound, he’s down!”
Devon’s voice crackled through, “Thirty seconds. And Marcus got the crazy chick. Where are you?”
“Behind the stage, right corner.”
“Got it. Ten seconds. Already contacted ‘Noop and Cale. Take care of your boy, I got shit covered here.”
“Thanks, D.”
The EMTs quickly hooked up the IV to Kris’s arm and bandaged his chest. After watching them place Kris on the gurney, Adam leapt into the back of the ambulance with them.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Adam chanted softly to himself. “Be okay. You have to be okay.”
**
The room was finally silent, as the doctor and nurse left ten minutes ago and his mom went to the vending machine to get more coffee. Kris craned his neck to see the back of the security guard’s head through the small window of the door and sighed that it wasn’t who he wanted it to be. A week in the hospital, and he was antsy to get out. Turning back around, he stared at the ceiling that was supposed to be white. Letting out another sigh, he moved his hand around until he found the small remote to adjust the bed so he could sit up more.
He barely remembered getting to the hospital. The only memories he had were of the searing pain in his shoulder and Adam’s terrified face as people worked around and over him. When he came to, he was on a bed covered by wires and tubes and his mama holding his hand, eyes red and puffy from crying. As he became more and more aware of his surroundings, the only person he kept looking for was Adam.
Balloons, stuffed animals, giant cards and flowers filled the room. The cloying sweetness was making him nauseated, and he made a note to get the nurses to move them out and give them away to other patients. Seeing as the one thing…or rather, person…he wanted wasn’t in the room, he didn’t give a shit.
After three days, he resigned himself to the fact that Adam wasn’t coming around. Just when Kris thought they might have made some sort of progress, had an uneasy truce, some fucked up bitch had to go and shoot him. On Adam’s watch.
A brief knock on the door startled him. He looked to see Cale popping his head in. “The nurses said you were up, so I figured I’d see how you’re doing,” he said.
Kris motioned for him to come in. “Just want to get out of here,” Kris answered.
“The doc said tomorrow, right?”
Nodding, Kris said, “Yeah.”
“So, uh,” Cale started. “One of us will be here tomorrow when you’re discharged. We’ll pick up your mom beforehand. Your physical therapy schedule is on the books, so we made arrangements with the clinic. Carla and Jacob cleared everything else for a couple of weeks while you get your bearings back and before you start PT.”
“Is, uh…” Kris cleared his throat. “How’s…” he looked away.
Cale pulled the chair and set it down next to the bed. “Adam’s fine. He wasn’t hurt, just a little shaken up.”
“That’s good.”
“He’s been wanting to swing by to see how you’re doing, but with the new clients…”
“It’s okay,” Kris said wearily. “I get it.”
“It’s not that…It’s not what you think,” Cale stopped. He stood up and forced a small smile on his face, “He’s beating himself up over this. I know he wants to see you, but…”
“Wasn’t his fault.”
“He thinks it was.”
**
The bar got eerily silent. Or maybe that was just in Kris’s head.
“Get warm,” Adam said, turning back to face the bottle in front of him. “Now, go away.”
Kris slipped on the jacket, which hung from his shoulders like he was wearing his father’s jacket. Except, it smelled like Adam and there was no way he was giving it back.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Kris said slowly through his chattering teeth. “I need to talk to you.”
Wrapping his arms around himself, Kris shuffled closer to the bar and where Adam sat. Adam stared resolutely at the bottle, ignoring Kris.
“Adam?”
“I said go away.”
Kris watched as Adam sloppily poured more whiskey into the glass and finished it in one gulp.
“Please, talk to me,” Kris begged.
“Talk?” Adam snorted. “Nothing to talk about.”
“You’re drunk.”
“Not quite yet, but I’m getting there.” Adam smiled crookedly and held up his glass. “Just a few more I think.”
Kris pulled out the barstool and sat next to him. He watched in consternation as Adam emptied the bottle. The bartender came over to remove the bottle and placed two bottles of water in front of him. Adam put his arm out over the bar and laid his head on it, head turned away from Kris.
“You gonna take him home?” the bartender asked.
Kris nodded, biting his lip, trying to figure out how exactly he’d to that.
“I’m Mike,” the man said, extending his beefy hand. “Might as well introduce myself.”
“Kris.”
“Well, if you don’t mind hanging out a bit longer, I can help you get Adam home after I close up.”
“Thanks, man. Appreciate it.”
“Here,” Mike said handing over a small set of keys. “Hold onto them. You need me to call one of the guys for additional help?”
Kris looked over at Adam and shook his head, “I think between the two of us, we should be able to do it. He lives right around the corner.”
Mike nodded brusquely and left them alone.
Kris looked at the keys. Two of his guitar picks had small holes drilled into them and were hanging from the fob. He couldn’t help but smile as he rubbed them between his fingers. Kris reached over to grab one of the water bottles and waited.
After another hour, the bar slowly cleared out, the steady sound of rain coming through as the door opened and closed as each patron left. Kris observed Mike and his staff quickly and efficiently clean up the bar.
Mike came out from the back with his jacket on and a coat over his arm.
“Still raining, so we should put this on him.”
“Yeah,” Kris agreed. He got off the stool and tried to coax Adam’s loose limbs into the extra coat.
“Fuck, you’re stupid heavy and droopy when you’re drunk,” Kris mumbled.
Adam took that opportunity to wake up. “Woooow, I forgot how rema…rekarm…how amazing your powers of obse…obersation are,” he slurred out.
After several attempts, they got the coat onto Adam and slid him off the barstool. Not surprisingly, Mike took most of Adam’s weight, leaving Kris to open the door into the rain. Helping Mike lock up, they stumbled together around the corner and up the street to Adam’s apartment.
Shifting so he could bear more of Adam’s weight as they walked, Kris winced as the sharp stabs of pain jolted through his shoulder.
“You okay?” Mike asked.
“Fine,” Kris said through clenched teeth.
“He’snot fiiine,” Adam garbled out. “Fuckin got shot. Sho…shouldn’t be here. Hoshipitle. Bad shape. Cuz of me.”
“I’m fine.”
“Let me…”
“We’re almost there. I’m fine, Mike.”
By the time they rode up the elevator and made it down the hall to Adam’s apartment, Kris couldn’t tell how much of his soaked skin was from the rain or from sweat. They leaned Adam against the wall as Kris tried to unlock the door with his slick hands. Throwing a quick prayer of thanks when the alarm system didn’t go off, since Kris didn’t actually know the code to deactivate it, Kris held the door open as Mike half-dragged Adam into the apartment and set him on the couch.
“Want me to help get him into the bedroom?”
Kris shook his head and took a deep breath, “No, I think I can manage that.”
“He said you got shot, and you’re shaking like a leaf.”
“It was a few months ago, just haven’t been able to work out like I used to,” Kris answered. “I’m good.”
Mike looked skeptical, “You sure you’re sure.”
“Yeah, man,” Kris said. He held out his hand, “Thanks for helping me out this much.”
Mike took his hand, “Glad to help out.” He looked at Adam’s slumped figure and shook his head. “Don’t know what’s going on with him. He’s never been like this before, at least not at my bar.”
Kris knew, but figured it wasn’t Mike’s business to know. “It wasn’t his fault,” Kris said out loud. Mike gave him a strange look. “Me getting shot,” he explained. “It wasn’t his fault.” Mike merely nodded. Kris looked over at Adam, “Maybe the hangover in the morning will keep him from doing it again.”
“Hopefully,” Mike said. “Have a good night, Kris.”
“You, too. And, thanks again.”
He took off the coat and tossed it onto the lone chair in the corner, then stood over Adam trying to figure out where to start. Rubbing his shoulder, he went to look for towels and dry clothes.
Tempting as it was to snoop around Adam’s place, Kris focused on getting Adam dry and comfortable. He grabbed a couple t-shirts from dresser in bedroom, a few towels from the linen closet, aspirin from the cabinet in the bathroom and water from the kitchen. After setting everything down, he went to work, drying himself then Adam off, turning off the lights and closing the blinds.
Settling down on one corner of the couch, he pulled Adam’s head into his lap and covered them with a blanket. With a deep breath, he closed his eyes.
**
Adam couldn’t open his eyes. Every time he tried, a piercing pain sunk deeper into his brain, which then caused a throbbing sting in his head, which made him want to open his eyes, which just started the vicious cycle again. He groaned at the pain, though even that sounded muffled and pathetic to his own ears.
The pounding and thumping ache over his entire body made him hurt. He whimpered until warm hands smoothed over his head, massaging his scalp, rubbing his neck and shoulders. He relaxed as the pain subsided. He curled into the warmth under him, soft yet firm; he moved his arm to squish it closer to him and stopped when he heard a yelping sound.
“It’s, uh, it’s okay,” a voice said softly. “Just wasn’t expecting your hand to, um, reach that way.” A quiet chuckle. “Can you sit up?”
Adam shook his head. A burst of pain that felt like giant ice picks flying through his skull followed. Fuck that hurt.
“I need you to try and sit up so you can drink some water and take the aspirin. Then it won’t hurt as much when you wake up again.”
Not hurting as bad sounded splendid, but Adam couldn’t move. “Can’t,” he croaked out, his throat somehow coated with eight pounds of sandpaper.
“I know it hurts, but can you please try?” the voice said cajolingly. “I’ll help. Just a little bit.”
Adam felt his head being lifted off the warm pillow and nearly cried. Fingers placed two pills on his tongue, then he swallowed the water somehow, forcing the pills down his throat.
“That’s great. Okay, now back to sleep.”
He exhaled in relief as he felt his head go horizontal again, heat on his cheek. “Kris,” he sighed. “Don’t go. Don’t leave me, please.” The pillow underneath him moved again, like a body trying to get comfortable, but before he could think anymore about how odd that was, sleep took him under.
**
“Ow, shit,” Kris muttered as he hopped on one foot out of the bathroom. As he pulled on a shirt, the moment his head popped out, he saw a rumpled Adam sitting on the corner of the bed and barely held in a screech. “Fucking…fuck, you scared the shit out of me.”
Kris quickly pulled down the t-shirt, self-conscious because it was Adam’s and he was staring at it like he’d never seen it before.
“Uh, hope you don’t mind. My stuff is in the dryer and it’ll be a few more minutes, and I didn’t want to walk around your place half naked,” Kris blurted out. Silence greeted him. “Uh, I put your stuff in there, too. The rain soaked us pretty bad, and I’m sure you didn’t want all the wet clothes lying in a…” He stopped and slowly approached Adam, who hadn’t moved but continued to stare. “Adam? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
When Kris stopped in front of him, Adam reached out cautiously, his hand shaking. Kris stood still as Adam’s fingers raked over his over his chest, and bit his tongue as Adam’s hand moved down, lifting the end of the shirt up and touched skin. He gasped as Adam grabbed his waist and pulled him forward, wrapping his arms around Kris, burying his head into the shirt.
Kris bent over and rubbed Adam’s back with slow, soothing motions. “It’s okay, I’m here.”
He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, only knew his legs were starting to give. Adam’s grip on him didn’t waver, but he still tried to move.
“Adam,” he whispered as he straightened to relieve the pain in his back. “Let’s lie down. The bed’s right here, and it’ll be more comfortable.”
To his relief, Adam nodded. Kris was able to wriggle a little as the arms around him loosened. Somehow he maneuvered their bodies diagonally across the bed, but as soon as they hit the surface, Adam twisted them until Kris was flat on his back. Kris watched in fascination as Adam snuggled his body like a pillow, legs tangled together, head on his chest and arms draped over his sides.
He hugged Adam to him, his weight a comfort, like a cozy familiar blanket, and slept.
When Kris opened his eyes to the bright sunlight, Adam was gone. He shook his head in disappointment. Was it a fucked up dream? A possibility considering how he had the comforter curled under him, his arms wrapped securely around it like a substitute body. Padding to the bathroom to fix himself up, he readied himself to face Adam’s wrath and leave. He’d call Bobby to pick him up.
**
Adam paced around the living room and kitchen, waiting for Kris to appear. He heard noise from the guest bedroom a while ago. What was taking Kris so long?
When he woke up, his eyes and brain finally decided to cooperate and started to function normally…well, as normal as they could, considering the pain that was searing through every part of his body. He sat up in the dark and looked for Kris. Panic struck him. Did Kris leave? Did he imagine Kris dragging his sorry ass home? Make up the part where he was holding Kris on the damned couch? Then he heard the shower go on and hobbled to the guestroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited…until Kris appeared from around the corner. All he knew was that he didn’t want to even blink, because then Kris’s image would fade away, vanish like it always did.
Adam had reached out and felt the solid muscles of Kris’s body. The apparition in front of him felt real, something that had never happened before. Before it could disappear, he grabbed at it and buried his face. His muddled brain tried to make sense of the words going in and out of his ear, but Adam ignored it…disregarded it until he was falling back onto the bed with this Kris in his arms. His limbs twisted and turned, until the body under him couldn’t get away. With the sound of a steady heartbeat in his ear, he closed his eyes and slept.
When he woke for the second time, the hammering in his head was replaced by one in his chest. His body was fused around Kris, huddled tight, their hands knotted together and crossed over Kris’s heart. It wasn’t a figment of his imagination, his mind fucking with him as it had been for months. Kris was here. The voices he thought were little demons from his warped brain were real.
Untangling himself from Kris, Adam took the time to re-learn Kris’s face. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he looked tired, even in sleep. Pressing a kiss to Kris’s left shoulder, Adam got off the bed and left Kris to rest.
Adam took his time in the shower, then cleaned up the mess in the living room. He threw the strange coat on his chair into his dry clean bag and tossed the damp towels and blankets into the washing machine, but didn’t turn it on so Kris wouldn’t awaken. Finally, he checked his phone. He stepped out onto the balcony to call Anoop and Cale back.
“Hey ‘Noop, hold on, gonna get Cale on the other line.”
“Fucking shit to shinola, Adam! Where the fuck have you been?” Cale shouted in greeting.
“I’m fine. Hungover, but fine, thanks for asking,” Adam replied. “And how are you this fine misty morning?”
“Adam, are you okay? What’s going on? Where are you?” Anoop asked.
“I’m home. Had a rough night.”
“Rough night?” Cale queried. “Don’t talk to us about rough nights, Lambert.”
“Cale,” Anoop said reasonably. “Give him a minute. I bet he hasn’t even had coffee yet.”
“I don’t fucking care,” Cale shouted. “Kris has gone MIA and everyone and their mama is freaking out. He’s been sneaking out and doing fuck knows what the last few months, but he always came back, right as someone noticed he was missing. This time, the little shit never came home. Bobby, Carla and Matt are going crazy, losing their minds driving us…”
“He’s here,” Adam interrupted. He pulled the phone away from his ear knowing what was coming.
“What?!?!” Cale screeched.
“Come again?” Anoop asked.
Adam rubbed his face and breathed out. “He showed up at JPs last night. I got smashed, he crashed here.”
“Wait…what?” Cale asked.
“Long story, but he’s here, sleeping,” Adam said wearily. “And, no…he’s in the guest room, okay?”
Anoop sighed, “Talk, work it out, Adam. Just be happy, okay?”
“Ditto,” Cale grunted.
Sensing movement behind him, Adam turned to see Kris walking into the living room. “Uh, guys, I gotta go. Talk to you later.”
Clicking off the phone, Adam walked into his apartment. Kris stepped closer, but cautiously as if unsure he was welcome. Adam saw that he put on the clothes he pulled out of the dryer and set on the bed. He pouted; Kris looked much better in one of Adam’s shirt, especially in the morning.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Kris replied.
“You okay?”
“Uh, yeah. Um, I should get out of here. I’ll call Bobby to pick me up,” Kris said rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll…I’ll leave you alone.”
“I was going to make some coffee,” Adam stated, heading into the kitchen. “You want some?”
“Sure,” Kris answered. “You haven’t seen my phone, have you?”
Adam didn’t answer, instead listened as Kris ruffled through cushions and books in the living room area.
As the coffeemaker gurgled the last of the water, Kris stood at the counter and put his face in his hands. “I hope I didn’t drop my phone somewhere on the street,” Kris grumbled.
“Here,” Adam said putting a steaming mug in front of him. “And, here.” He placed Kris’s phone next to the mug. At Kris’s incredulous look, he shrugged. “We need to talk, and I didn’t want to you calling anyone,” he said unapologetically.
Kris blew on the coffee, and Adam’s eyes automatically fixated on his lips. Kris looked up through his lashes and nearly sputtered. He choked down the coffee and turned away. “Talk about what?” Kris asked.
“Um, us, actually.”
**
“Oh, uh…I…” Kris stammered. He put down his mug and grabbed the phone. “I really should go.”
Adam covered his hand, and all Kris could do was stare at it. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe as normal as possible.
“Kris, please.”
Kris pulled his hand away making the phone fall to the floor, its clatter a giant explosion in the quiet room. He stepped back, bumping into the small dining set and shook his head, “No, no, no.” Pointing a shaky finger, he said, “You do not get to do this. You said there was no us.” He beat his chest, “I’ve spent months, months talking myself out of falling for you. So, no, we’re not going to talk about an us that doesn’t exist.”
“Kris…”
“Fuck you, Adam,” Kris spat out. Grabbing his phone from the floor, he headed towards the living room.
“Then why’d you come looking for me last night?” Adam asked softly.
His steps faltered as Adam’s hands landed on his shoulders, halting his movement to the door. He was shaking and was angry that Adam was able to feel it.
Kris dropped his head and answered, “I know you were beating yourself up over the shooting. My mama told me you were there every night, at the hospital, but didn’t come inside the room. And, since you’re not…you…no…we don’t…I thought you should know I didn’t and don’t blame you for it.”
“Why’d you stay?”
“Adam…”
He let Adam turn him around, but refused to meet his eyes. Instead, his head crashed into the cusp of Adam’s neck and shoulder, as Adam’s arms enfolded him in warmth.
Adam’s embrace weakened his resolve, and Kris’s body just melted into him, arms winding around Adam’s back. Adam’s hot breath was near his ear. “I can try,” he was saying. “I mean, I want to try…This us thing. Only if you want to, though.”
“I want to,” Kris whispered into Adam’s shirt.
Kris smiled as he felt Adam release his breath. He held Kris to him tighter, hand cupping the back of his head, smooshing his face into Adam’s shoulder.
“Adam.”
“Yeah?”
“I can’t breathe,” Kris’s muffled voice was strained against his shirt.
“Oh, god, sorry,” Adam said loosening his hold.
Kris’s head fell back and he stared at Adam’s face. He closed his eyes as Adam’s fingers flitted lightly over his face, stopping to trace the dark spots and lines around his eyes.
“I’m so sorry.”
Kris nodded. He understood what Adam was really apologizing for. Opening his eyes, he watched Adam lean down until their foreheads touched, one shaking hand carefully reaching out to touch Kris’s left shoulder.
“It’s okay,” Kris confirmed. “I’m okay.”
He reached out to palm the side of Adam’s face. Bring their lips together softly, carefully. “I’m okay.”
“Good.”
Kris moaned as Adam gripped his face and deepened the kiss.
~the.end~
~ * ~ * ~
Soundtrack:
I Don’t Wanna Know - Kris Allen
Laid - Better Than Ezra
Lost in You - Three Days Grace
Crazy for You - Madonna
Fade Into Me - David Cook
Perfect Symmetry - Keane
I Have Nothing - Whitney Houston
Look Me in the Heart - Tina Turner
Still Got Tonight - Matthew Morrison
Only You - Yaz