meh
if you dont feal like reading something insanely long and babling about nothing that affects you, dont read this.
sigh... something tells me my life is not what it is suposed to be. i dunno, i feal like something is missing. maybe its just that i want a relationship cuz godknows i havent been quite as lucky in that aspect of my life than most people. i wish that i had something better to complain about but i dont. in my melodramatic life, all i am missing is a melodramatic person to share it with. i cant bounce around between people that hate eachother without someone as disconected as me. is my lack of drama/boyfriend the product of my not giving a shit about anything? do i need drama to get a boyfriend? i mean what the hell, throw me a fucking bone here, ive been single for TWO years. two years, what the hell is the deal with that. i mean fuck, gay-asian-retarded-midgets get more action than i do. i dont even want action. how hard is it to find a fucking boyfriend, am i so fucking undateable that no one my type likes me? what the fuck is my type!? god damnit, i hate this shit, i wish i was straight. if i was straight everything would be so much fucking easyer, i mean damn. you fucking straight bastards have it so fucking easy. not only are you not discriminated against because of your sexuality, you also have more fucking options, your contributing to the gene pool, theres bilions and bilions of people just like you, and all of them can find fucking partners. Yet me, this suposedly hott, suposedly nice person cant find a fucking boyfriend. i mean fuck, if i had a fucking nickle for everytime some straight girl said oh, if you where straight i would fuck you, i would be driving a fucking lexus right now. and i know they mean well, but you have no idea how much that doesnt help at all. and then i have these stupid fucking school girl crushes... ohhh i like so and so, oh i wish so and so liked me... fuck. i hat ethat fucking mindset. seriously. i hate highschool. i hate the run, i hate the gay comunity, fuck i hate the entire comunity. i dont know why i am so fucking worked up but i seriously feal like i could put a whole in the wall.. its a good thing im not a violent person anymore. omaha sucks. why cant i just go be a hermit in the mountains somewhere and be fucking alone forever without being bugged by the incessant relationships of others. why must everyone be so goddamn happy with eachother all the time. im sick of it. i dont even have a best friend. i dont even have a fucking fag hag. i have no one person i can relie on. i wish manndee lived here, or cory, hell even erik would be better than i could ever hope for (love you erik) i mean shit. back in the day, before i entered the gay comunity, i only had to deal with straight kid dramma.... oh how straight kid dramma is so not dramma at all compaired to relentless dyke dramma. i mean fuck. i wish i could be numb to the world like i used to. i could become a hermit once more, and sit in my room all alone, alld ay, every day, just like when i was happy. this 'life' i have in which people interact with me feals so false.. i mean, what is a friendship if you know, you can never realy tell them what you feal, deep down. when you can never realy unload, and rant and rave about anything and everything that troubles you at all. i mean, i could be depressed as all fuck, and nobody would know half the time. they dont see it until i get sick of hiding it. i dont know whats wrong with me, and i cant help but think the only reason i feal like shit is because i am gay. and i realy dont know if that is true or not, because i am rarely discriminated against in MY life, because i know how to avoid that. but i shouldnt have to, how am i any fucking differant? i mean, i breath, i bleed, i have fealings. but still i feal so differant, like some fucking animal or something, that you can just poke and praud at all you fucking want and it cant do shit, because your bigger than it, or because theres more of you then of them. i mean fuck. everything is so fucked up. why does it make any differance what i do with my life, i mean it IS my life, and if i want to do what feals right to me, then why cant i? why does sociaty preach 'embracing differance' when realy it persecutes non-conformity? and why is it that its not ok to be mean to people who where born handicaped, but its ok for people that where born liking there own fucking gender. i mean who the hell cares, if your not gay, just dont be fucking gay! you dont have to try and crush the minority. grrrrrr.... and with all the fucking shit gay people get for souly being gay, i still cant stumble upon a fucking boyfriend, and get my fucking gay on. seriously, whats the point of being gay if there is no one out there for you?? grrr.. i wish i was straight. hell i would rather be a straight girl than a gay guy. least then theres always at least one boy that wants you. fuck it, if i had a fucking boyfriend i would be happy, i would bet my life on it. fuck you my shall-remain-unamed-crush. fuck you, and fuck your being so perfect and loved. i, the skum of the earth will just suffor alone, thanks. fuck you all
life sucks, somethings missing.
i hope my iron will doesnt bend or break, cuz that razorblade is looking realy friendly right now..
the dreads have to go.. bye bye dreads.
peace, im out... though i wish i didnt fucking have to be...
ps, if i refrain from doing something with anybody, dont get all pissy. ive got my own shit i wanna worry about right now, and i cant do that when i am with people. sorry, except not realy.
sigh... something tells me my life is not what it is suposed to be. i dunno, i feal like something is missing. maybe its just that i want a relationship cuz godknows i havent been quite as lucky in that aspect of my life than most people. i wish that i had something better to complain about but i dont. in my melodramatic life, all i am missing is a melodramatic person to share it with. i cant bounce around between people that hate eachother without someone as disconected as me. is my lack of drama/boyfriend the product of my not giving a shit about anything? do i need drama to get a boyfriend? i mean what the hell, throw me a fucking bone here, ive been single for TWO years. two years, what the hell is the deal with that. i mean fuck, gay-asian-retarded-midgets get more action than i do. i dont even want action. how hard is it to find a fucking boyfriend, am i so fucking undateable that no one my type likes me? what the fuck is my type!? god damnit, i hate this shit, i wish i was straight. if i was straight everything would be so much fucking easyer, i mean damn. you fucking straight bastards have it so fucking easy. not only are you not discriminated against because of your sexuality, you also have more fucking options, your contributing to the gene pool, theres bilions and bilions of people just like you, and all of them can find fucking partners. Yet me, this suposedly hott, suposedly nice person cant find a fucking boyfriend. i mean fuck, if i had a fucking nickle for everytime some straight girl said oh, if you where straight i would fuck you, i would be driving a fucking lexus right now. and i know they mean well, but you have no idea how much that doesnt help at all. and then i have these stupid fucking school girl crushes... ohhh i like so and so, oh i wish so and so liked me... fuck. i hat ethat fucking mindset. seriously. i hate highschool. i hate the run, i hate the gay comunity, fuck i hate the entire comunity. i dont know why i am so fucking worked up but i seriously feal like i could put a whole in the wall.. its a good thing im not a violent person anymore. omaha sucks. why cant i just go be a hermit in the mountains somewhere and be fucking alone forever without being bugged by the incessant relationships of others. why must everyone be so goddamn happy with eachother all the time. im sick of it. i dont even have a best friend. i dont even have a fucking fag hag. i have no one person i can relie on. i wish manndee lived here, or cory, hell even erik would be better than i could ever hope for (love you erik) i mean shit. back in the day, before i entered the gay comunity, i only had to deal with straight kid dramma.... oh how straight kid dramma is so not dramma at all compaired to relentless dyke dramma. i mean fuck. i wish i could be numb to the world like i used to. i could become a hermit once more, and sit in my room all alone, alld ay, every day, just like when i was happy. this 'life' i have in which people interact with me feals so false.. i mean, what is a friendship if you know, you can never realy tell them what you feal, deep down. when you can never realy unload, and rant and rave about anything and everything that troubles you at all. i mean, i could be depressed as all fuck, and nobody would know half the time. they dont see it until i get sick of hiding it. i dont know whats wrong with me, and i cant help but think the only reason i feal like shit is because i am gay. and i realy dont know if that is true or not, because i am rarely discriminated against in MY life, because i know how to avoid that. but i shouldnt have to, how am i any fucking differant? i mean, i breath, i bleed, i have fealings. but still i feal so differant, like some fucking animal or something, that you can just poke and praud at all you fucking want and it cant do shit, because your bigger than it, or because theres more of you then of them. i mean fuck. everything is so fucked up. why does it make any differance what i do with my life, i mean it IS my life, and if i want to do what feals right to me, then why cant i? why does sociaty preach 'embracing differance' when realy it persecutes non-conformity? and why is it that its not ok to be mean to people who where born handicaped, but its ok for people that where born liking there own fucking gender. i mean who the hell cares, if your not gay, just dont be fucking gay! you dont have to try and crush the minority. grrrrrr.... and with all the fucking shit gay people get for souly being gay, i still cant stumble upon a fucking boyfriend, and get my fucking gay on. seriously, whats the point of being gay if there is no one out there for you?? grrr.. i wish i was straight. hell i would rather be a straight girl than a gay guy. least then theres always at least one boy that wants you. fuck it, if i had a fucking boyfriend i would be happy, i would bet my life on it. fuck you my shall-remain-unamed-crush. fuck you, and fuck your being so perfect and loved. i, the skum of the earth will just suffor alone, thanks. fuck you all
life sucks, somethings missing.
i hope my iron will doesnt bend or break, cuz that razorblade is looking realy friendly right now..
the dreads have to go.. bye bye dreads.
peace, im out... though i wish i didnt fucking have to be...
ps, if i refrain from doing something with anybody, dont get all pissy. ive got my own shit i wanna worry about right now, and i cant do that when i am with people. sorry, except not realy.