(no subject)
Anomen
Yoshimo: Young Anomen, a samurai of the west, roaming the land is service of god and lord. Tell me something of your adventures.
Anomen: And what shall I tell you of?
Yoshimo: A tale of a foul beast slain, perhaps. A story of your jousts, if you wish.
Anomen: Very well. Two summers past, chosen squires of Torm were invited to a tournament in Riatavin. I travelled as the captain of our delegation, of course.
Yoshimo: Of course.
Anomen: Enroute, we were attacked by a wyvern. Overcome with fear, the battle plans that had been drilled into my compatriots fell apart as the first man was killed by the beast’s claws. It would have been a veritable slaughter had I not kept my wits about me.
Yoshimo: What happened?
Anomen: I jumped on its back and impaled it through the spine with my spear.
Yoshimo: Your heroics saved the day.
Anomen: I only did what I had to as captain of the group. The Order would have frowned heavily had I let the novice fools be diced by the creature.
Edwin
Edwin: Yoshimo, every man has his follies and mistakes. In your case, that is the most interesting and trustworthy ability that you possess. (You are shiftier than me, and I don’t trust myself.)
Yoshimo: Edwin, you’ve a manner that makes each of us feel beautiful and appreciated.
Edwin: Somewhere in you, something terrible gathers and grows. (Can I spot kindred, or can I spot kindred?)
Yoshimo: That’s only love, warmth, and candour for you and your red-robed ilk, Edwin.
Edwin: As you make your pilgrimage, Yoshimo, there will be ruin and cruel intention. Of this I am certain.
Yoshimo: Well, all pilgrimages must start somewhere, no? I look forward to the ruin ... will be a delightful change from your company, Red Wizard.
(While Edwin is a woman)
Yoshimo: Tell me, Edwina, would you like me to let out the seams on your robe? I’m quite handy with a needle. You do, after all, have more ... bulk ... in the upper chest area.
Edwin: Silence you fool! Chauvinist pig! (What am I saying?) I mean to say - ‘Idiot!’
Yoshimo: I was only an offer, m’lady. There is no cause for anger.
HaerDalis’
Yoshimo: HaerDalis’, a ronin, a rogue. You’ve more freedom than most and yet you remain as grumpy as a flea-bitten dog. Why so glum?
HaerDalis’: Dogs is it? A fitting cloak for a blood-hound. You’ve got the scent now, Yoshimo and shall bring the prey to your mysterious master.
Yoshimo: No master have I save my own conscience. I merely wish to know why life is such a burden to you.
HaerDalis’: Shackles as heavy as yours cannot be hidden from one who has been a slave. I tire of this dreadful acting. Leave me be, Yoshimo.
Yoshimo: HaerDalis’,HaerDalis’, you think too much and smile too little! Come, my bullywug! Come, my puss’ n’ boots! We are in Athkatla, the city of a million smiling faces!
HaerDalis’: Aye, parrot, aye. ‘Tis because they’re all trying to sell me something!
Yoshimo: I have seen your fingers and they are as fast as your tongue! What you don’t want to buy, you can always steal!
HaerDalis’: And what you don’t want to steal? ... I trust not your boundless glee, my parrot, for something in it jingles with the sound of silver. Silver? Or gold? We pluck it from every corpse we find and steal it from every chest that we encounter!
Yoshimo: You are right, bard. I am twice rewarded: Once because I am richer in (CHARNAME’s) care, and twice because I am richer here than rotting in some prison of the damned.
HaerDalis’: Aye, you are twice rewarded but you have no more been a prisoner than I am a king ... Consider yourself forewarned, thief. My trust does not come easily and you have not won it yet.
Jaheira
Jaheira: You need not turn your eyes to me each time I drop my head, Yoshimo. I am well and fine.
Yoshimo: If that is so, then I am glad. I am eager to please if you should want for anything.
Jaheira: I am sure, but I will keep my thoughts to myself in this case.
Yoshimo: Ahh, memories of the fallen are sweetest, are they not? I will intrude no more.
Jaheira: Er, yes, whatever you wish.
Jan
Yoshimo: Excuse me, good gnome. I’ve a question that I’ve been meaning to ask for some time. These flash-bombs of yours ...
Jan: Yoshimo! Please! ‘Jan Jansen’s Flasher Master Bruiser Mates!’ They have a name!
Yoshimo: Of course. These ‘Bruiser Mates’ that you construct ... might I learn how to use them?
Jan: I won’t lie to you, Yoshimo. There’s an excellent chance that you’ll lose both your arms. Perhaps even your face.
Yoshimo: If one is not willing to take the risks than one is not much of an adventurer.
Jan: Well said! As Aunt Kylie use to say, ‘Yeah, it’s risky! But they’ve got gelatinous cubes!’ I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have you try your hand at a few. Here, give the dial a twist and throw it.
Yoshimo: Mmm ... perhaps I shall wait to perform such a feat. This ... bomb ... looks most unstable. I am surprised they do not explode in your pack, good gnome ...
Jan: Bite yer tongue! This is my best and most potent recipe I’ll have you know. Aunt Kadie, herself, helped me mix this batch up, and I’ll not have you disparaging her good name.
Yoshimo: I meant no disparagement, Jan ... but I think I’ll leave the bombing to you, for now.
Yoshimo: Jan, I have heard that you are an adventurer of sorts. Where do your interests lie in the field?
Jan: I’m open to all creative muses. Lately I’ve been working on a turnip peeler. A magical device, of course, designed to peel 100 turnips a minute. I’m really quite close to a breakthrough. Naturally, however, it does cost well over 100 pieces of gold per day to run. But think of the uses?
Yoshimo: Why, turnip peeling, for one.
Jan: Exactly! You’ve got a knack for logical thinking, Yoshi. You could go far in the service of Gond.
Keldorn
Yoshimo: Most Holy Paladin, vengeance of the righteous gods, you are a married man are you not? What of your family? I’ve never heard you speak of them.
Keldorn: Truly, I am married. I’ve a beautiful wife and two daughters. They are the joy of my life.
Yoshimo: Are they? It is strange that you have not mentioned them before this.
Keldorn: I assure you that they are. My wife is a charming woman, and my daughters are becoming likewise. That is all I will discuss of my family, thief, so be gone.
Yoshimo: A question to you, Keldorn: Do good knights ever find cause to sing bawdy songs or tell ribald tales around a campfire, or is dourness an inarguable tenet of the Order?
Keldorn: Ha. There are countless books in our Holy Libraries where bored and dreamy scribes have penned petty blasphemies into the margins. When I was younger, I used to sing a little song that would make the brothers laugh ... how did it go now, I wonder?
Yoshimo: You’re not seriously going to sing it, are you?
Keldorn: “I knew a girl from a distant world,
across the planar deep,
and to her place, to see her face,
across the void, I’d creep,
Through time ... through time ...”
Oh, how did the second verse go? It’s been so long, I’m surprised I remembered that much.
Yoshimo: “Though time went by and long I tried
to satisfy my lust,
no matter where I touched, ‘twas not enough
to please my succubus.”
Is that it?
Keldorn: Yes, yes, however did you know?
Yoshimo: Well, I was doing a little theological reading of my own before I met up with (CHARNAME). Found it in the margins ...
Keldorn: Oh dear, I hope I didn’t write that one down for posterity! Heh ... you should be proud of yourself, Yoshimo: you’ve just made an old knight blush. Now get a move on, scalliwag, before I call on the gods to turn you into a lowly pumpkin of some sort.
Korgan
Yoshimo: Friend Korgan, you are truly a paragon of dwarven ill-humour. Can you find no joy in being alive? The smell of the morning dew and the feel of the free air?
Korgan: Aye, I feel pleasure the sound of an inquisitive thief’s neck-bone breakin’ between me hands.
Yoshimo: They could write a book about you. ‘Irritable Dwarven Responses’, they’d call it. It would be a best-seller amongst the smelly-old-drunk market. What say you?
Korgan: Mayhaps ye should, only ‘Pleasures of the Dwarven Bed-Chamber’ is a more pleasing and accurate subject.
Yoshimo: Ho! Is it, now? How about, ‘The Unbathed Adventurer: Travels with Korgan?’
Korgan: Worry not, thief. There’s naught wrong with yer idea that a sharp blow to yer idiot skull wouldn’t fix. Here is yer title and argue with me gauntlets if ye dare, ‘Tall-Folk Scourge: Yoshimo Beware!’ Now shut yer mouth and get to writing.
Minsc
(Minsc’s hit points less than 20)
Yoshimo: Why, Boo! What a fabulous job you did in battle! You went for the eyes as fast as any miniature giant space hamster that I’ve ever seen.
Minsc: Boo says that he was just doing his job.
Yoshimo: And a fine job it was. What a brave little hamster!
Minsc: Boo says Yoshimo did well, too ... for someone who isn’t Minsc.
Yoshimo: Thank you, Boo.
Yoshimo: Do you see that, Boo? There goes a nice man.
Mazzy
Yoshimo: Brave halfling lass! With the scurrying of little feet you throw yourself into the fray! It is so cute to see the little ones fight. Like a fearless samurai you are, Mazzy.
Mazzy: Honestly, Yoshimo, I am sick and tired of humans and large folk calling me cute!
Yoshimo: I cannot help it! You are like a miniature prophet of doom.
Mazzy: Oh, shut up! I won’t seem so cute if I break your legs.
Yoshimo: I meant no offense, Mazzy. You should be flattered! I don’t think you’re ugly ...
Mazzy: If you wish to end this conversation without bruises, you will silence yourself now!
Yoshimo: Yes, mistress.
Mazzy: And don’t call me mistress!
Nalia
Yoshimo: Young lovely, we must be wary, here ... any traps we encounter, it is up to us to find and disarm them before they bring harm to the rest of the party.
Nalia: I think that goes without saying.
Yoshimo: But I have seen many traps intricate enough to fool even the most able. I remember one I encountered long ago ... it worked as a pressure plate via springs set into wood.
Yoshimo: To disarm it, you need to pull the wood back just enough to slip a dagger between the plate and the springs. It requires finesses and patience, my young one.
Nalia: If I had wanted your tutelage, surely I would have asked for it!
Yoshimo: I can not bear to have you angry with me. I just do not want to see you hurt. A friend can do no less.
Nalia: I know, Yoshimo. I’m not angry with you, really ... I’m just nervous. I would feel very guilty if I set off a trap by accident.
Yoshimo: You will not, Nalia ... I have confidence in you!
Nalia: I will try not to disappoint.