An Ode to Sex Ed in South Park
Colaboration with Mike. Had to write a poem for my Psych. of Human Sexual Beahvior class using all the parts of the male and female genitalia. Mike came up with the idea of using the South Park episode, "Proper Condom Use" as my plot line.
South Park (c)Trey Parker and Matt Stone
The boys of South Park stood, hands in pocket
As Cartmen told them about "Red Rocket"
Which involved a dog's penis, and shocked them so
To all of their parents they had to show
They all got in trouble and it was decided
Sex Ed. starts in 4th grade, no one was excited
For the boys got the teacher who had no clue
And the girls got the teacher who was way overdue
The girls got the scare talk, about STD'S
How the boys could have little red bumps on their testes
The boys had to look at pictures of a vagina
But to the teacher it looked like the great wall of China
By the end of the day, not a soul knew very much
And the girls were afraid of a single boys touch
Afraid they're labia's would be covered in bumps
Because the boys all had diseases, and they came in clumps.
So the boys in a panic, all went to the store
Because the girls all thought they were something to abhor
And they bought condoms with nary a clue
That they're scrotum's and glans would soon turn blue
Back at the school, the teachers all had a meeting
About the condoms that their 4th graders were apparently needing
So even younger the sex ed. would now be taught
Kindergarten kids would be very distraught
The youngin's soon learned more than they ever needed to know
About prostates and how long full bladders can go
Without release, which isn't too long
And how the clitoris can make one break out in song
Back at the ranch, the two teachers were talking
And at the lady teacher's breast, the male teacher was gawking
When they happened to look at a picture of a corona
They both seemed to take on a different persona
With a flick of the eye and a twitch of the lip
Suddenly her nipple was in a death grip
He passed the urethra on his way in
And before they knew it, they had just shagged in sin
The girls swore their ovaries and uterus would shrivle
So to the boys they were very uncivil
Because of the scare they'd be given,about bumps on the anus
The girls swore that the boys would pay for being so heinous.
A fight then broke out among the boys and girls
The parents were shocked at their girls messy curls
When they asked what had happened, the girls plainly said
"If the boys even touch us we're as good as dead!"
It turns out they hadn't been told the most important thing
"In order to get bumps on your rectum, you need to have a fling
Sex has to happen, with the cervix and all
But these boys have no diseases, as I can recall"
The lesson the town learned was quite necessary
That sex shouldn't be too clinical, and it shouldn't be scary
Chef, as always, was asked the burning question at the end of the scene.
'When should we have sex?' and he answered, deadpan, "seventeen"
South Park (c)Trey Parker and Matt Stone
The boys of South Park stood, hands in pocket
As Cartmen told them about "Red Rocket"
Which involved a dog's penis, and shocked them so
To all of their parents they had to show
They all got in trouble and it was decided
Sex Ed. starts in 4th grade, no one was excited
For the boys got the teacher who had no clue
And the girls got the teacher who was way overdue
The girls got the scare talk, about STD'S
How the boys could have little red bumps on their testes
The boys had to look at pictures of a vagina
But to the teacher it looked like the great wall of China
By the end of the day, not a soul knew very much
And the girls were afraid of a single boys touch
Afraid they're labia's would be covered in bumps
Because the boys all had diseases, and they came in clumps.
So the boys in a panic, all went to the store
Because the girls all thought they were something to abhor
And they bought condoms with nary a clue
That they're scrotum's and glans would soon turn blue
Back at the school, the teachers all had a meeting
About the condoms that their 4th graders were apparently needing
So even younger the sex ed. would now be taught
Kindergarten kids would be very distraught
The youngin's soon learned more than they ever needed to know
About prostates and how long full bladders can go
Without release, which isn't too long
And how the clitoris can make one break out in song
Back at the ranch, the two teachers were talking
And at the lady teacher's breast, the male teacher was gawking
When they happened to look at a picture of a corona
They both seemed to take on a different persona
With a flick of the eye and a twitch of the lip
Suddenly her nipple was in a death grip
He passed the urethra on his way in
And before they knew it, they had just shagged in sin
The girls swore their ovaries and uterus would shrivle
So to the boys they were very uncivil
Because of the scare they'd be given,about bumps on the anus
The girls swore that the boys would pay for being so heinous.
A fight then broke out among the boys and girls
The parents were shocked at their girls messy curls
When they asked what had happened, the girls plainly said
"If the boys even touch us we're as good as dead!"
It turns out they hadn't been told the most important thing
"In order to get bumps on your rectum, you need to have a fling
Sex has to happen, with the cervix and all
But these boys have no diseases, as I can recall"
The lesson the town learned was quite necessary
That sex shouldn't be too clinical, and it shouldn't be scary
Chef, as always, was asked the burning question at the end of the scene.
'When should we have sex?' and he answered, deadpan, "seventeen"