Russell Sprout’s birth story
Our son, Russell Sprout (aka ‘Rusty’) was born at home early on December 11. It took me a few days to find time to write down the story because the labor was almost 48 hours and so there was a lot to remember and document! (And, of course, I’ve been busy watching a newborn be cute.) Once I started writing, though, it just kept going.
Pregnancy & pre-birth preparation:
Since my husband Casey and I started thinking about making a baby last fall, I’ve become sort of obsessed with natural birth. We watched The Business of Being Born when it came out a couple years ago, and that was literally the first time I ever could imagine having a baby myself. The medicated hospital birth route just never jived for me, so I made it a goal to do every I could to have a natural birth.
In addition to joining the natural birth communities on LJ (which are awesome!), I started by reading every recommended birth book I could - even before getting pregnant. One thing that became clear was that my best odds of achieving an intervention-free birth would be found by birthing at home. Our local hospital has a relatively progressive birth center, but they have the same high c-section rate as the rest of the country. I just didn’t want to go there. Fortunately, since we live in Oregon, we have access to an awesome selection of trained, professional home birth midwives. The laws here truly support a wide range of legal options, which I am super grateful for. The accessibility of out-of-hospital birth also means that we personally know a large community of home birthers, who were very influential in our decision. It’s amazing how normal and not scary out-of-hospital birth seems when you know tons of people who have gone that route already with success.
So, as soon as we conceived, we contacted the midwives we wanted to work with: Margy and Caroline - both friends of ours already from the community. They are both relatively new certified midwives, but they’ve been training for a long time, and Margy has also attended many births as a doula. Since their practice is new and small (they both have children at home), all the prenatal appointments were held at our house. Since we’re full-time farmers, this was awesome, because we didn’t have to stop our work and drive 20 minutes into town. It made the visits extremely relaxed for us.
The pregnancy as a whole went well. I had one scare early on with some mysterious pain. We were worried that it might be an ectopic pregnancy, so I made a visit to an OB to get checked out. Turns out I was fine, but the visit to the OB was less than fun. Even though the OB was my OB-GYN prior to pregnancy, his staff made me feel awful for ‘using’ him to get checked up even though I wasn’t going to work with him for the entire pregnancy and birth. It was very awkward and felt like a strong push job - Casey and I left feeling extremely grateful that we’d already made the choice we had to work within a different model of care.
During our prenatal care, we chose to decline most of the routine screenings and tests, except when indicated or useful. I had the one early ultra-sound at 5.5 weeks to check for an ectopic pregnancy. I also did the basic blood screening to find out my blood type and check on my general health and well-being. I also took the GBS test in case of transfer (our local hospital assumes that all non-tested moms are positive - I tested negative, which meant that I wouldn’t automatically be put on an antibiotic drip if transferred). Other than that, we skipped everything else, including the anatomy ultra-sound scan. Declining the anatomy scan was a hard decision to make, because we know a lot of people who have found important information that way … but we decided to skip it anyway. Fortunately, all other observations (heart beat, belly palpating) indicated a very healthy baby, but it was a little nerve-wracking at times to not have as much information as possible. I wanted to trust the process and my body, but I also carried all the normal pregnancy fears about unhealthy babies. But, I figured I would have fears even if I had an ultra-sound, since many possible complications defy even the most modern prenatal tests.
Because I wanted to be prepared for all the possible outcomes, however, we did prepare for a hospital transfer too. We pre-registered at the local hospital and I packed a simple hospital bag with some clothes and stuff for me and baby. I felt better knowing that if we did have to go to the hospital that we’d do so in as sane a fashion as possible. Even though I wanted to have a successful home birth, I also wanted to have a successful birth. I wasn’t willing to deny the possible risks and all the unknowns involved with every unique birth scenario.
The final unofficial and very positive preparation I did for birth was simply being friends with the women who all ended up in a knitting group together this year. Out of the five of us who met every other week to knit, four were pregnant and planning natural births. I was the last one due, so I was able to watch intimately as each of my friends progressed through her pregnancy and gave birth before me. All three achieved natural out-of-hospital births (one a first birth at home, one a VBAC at a birthing center, and another a third birth at a birthing center). They all generously shared their wisdom, experience, and birth photos with me. It was the best possible birthing class I could have had (Casey and I also attended a six-week Birthing from Within course, which was valuable but probably not as deeply imprinting as spending time with these amazing women every other week).
Labor & birth:
My official due date was Sunday, December 6. A few days before then, I started becoming more and more aware of Braxton Hicks and cramping sensations. I also had some minor mucus drops in my underwear, so I knew something was going on to prepare for labor.
On Tuesday, December 8 (40w2d), my husband and I finished our second to last pick-up for our farm’s CSA subscription program. We had told folks that if we had the baby after that, we’d be done a week early, so Tuesday meant that essentially we were ‘done’ if baby arrived. I guess my body got the message that it was safe to start labor, because I had much more mucus during the pick-up, a lot more cramping, a slight cranky feeling, and a final burst of nesting energy. When we arrived home that night at 7:30 pm, I busily paid all the bills in our inbox, folded the last load of laundry, tidied up the house, and had my husband take a final belly photo.
The next morning (40w3d), at 2 am, I woke up to pee and felt some fluid run down my legs into the toilet - lots of clear fluid (but not a huge gush). I went back to bed and almost immediately started feeling real contractions for the first time. They were pretty mild but relatively close together - about every five minutes. After about 20 minutes of contractions, I woke Casey up and told him the news, which was very exciting. We decided that since I had some fluid and contractions, we should call our midwife Margy to check in. She said she’d come out and check on us shortly.
While we waited, I continued having contractions and had my first bloody show. I was pretty sure labor was on! I was very excited for obvious reasons (pregnancy almost over! baby coming soon!), but also because my mom never went into spontaneous labor with me and had to be induced twice before I came out. I’d feared repeating the same scenario during the entire pregnancy - I really didn’t want to lose my home birth opportunity before it even began! So, signs of real spontaneous labor were incredibly comforting and exciting.
Margy showed up around 3:30 or so and checked my vitals and baby’s vitals. We were both doing fine, and my contractions weren’t super intense, so she suggested we just go back to sleep and check in again in the morning. Casey and I were both convinced that we’d be meeting our baby that day, so we went ahead and put the plastic sheet on the bed and then tried to sleep. I slept some, but my contractions continued and woke me up through the rest of the night. Incidentally, all of this was happening on the coldest night of the year. It was 6° outside that night, which is a record low for where we live in Oregon.
The next day is a bit of a blur. Casey and I started our morning routine as usual: reading the paper, eating breakfast, and listening to the radio. I also called more people who would want to know that I was in labor: our doula (just to let her know we’d probably need her later that day), our parents, and a few friends. Unfortunately, my contractions started slowing way down at this point. After breakfast, they essentially disappeared. Bummer! Casey and I tried to not get too disappointed. As soon as it got light and ‘warm’ enough (as in: 18°), we decided to go outside for a walk around the fields. Through the day, we kept going out to walk, in hopes of getting the contractions started again and also to keep ourselves busy and sane. By our calculations, we walked about four miles in laps around the farm (in sub-freezing weather).
Mid-day, I started getting really discouraged. I hadn’t had any more fluid, contractions, or mucus. I felt like I’d made a mistake in calling the midwives at all. I posted about it on LiveJournal and got some great encouragement. I also checked in with Margy about it, and she came back out to check me again mid-afternoon. Baby and I were both still doing well, and I decided to just pretend I wasn’t in labor at all, which made me feel much saner. We called some friends to make plans for dinner and went about our day.
We walked a lot more in the afternoon, which actually started working. By the end of our final series of laps, I was contracting about once per lap (about one per 15-20 minutes). When we went back inside, the contractions continued at the same rate but picked up in intensity. Eventually, I called our friends to cancel our dinner plans, but we went to bed early (in case our night was interrupted) with the same sense of unknowing. We decided to just be ok with whatever happening.
The contractions continued through the night, and by about 12:30 they were getting intense enough that I wasn’t able to sleep and began moaning through them. Our doula Marina lives about an hour away, and I started worrying that if I waited too long to call her I would find myself really struggling before she arrived. So, we called her - even though it was probably earlier than I needed.
Marina arrived around 2:30 am on Thursday, December 10 (another 6° night). I didn’t really need her support yet, so she hung out in our living room while Casey and I lied in bed together. At this point, my contractions were still only 15 or so apart and not that intense (although of course I thought they were at the time - ha!). Eventually though they got intense enough that I couldn’t lie in bed anymore, so Casey and I got up and started a period of a few hours where I walked laps around the house and then worked through a several contractions an hour at our kitchen counter. I would lean over it when I was in a contraction and moan, but between contractions I was still super mellow, happy, alert, and talkative with Casey and Marina.
Finally, after daylight, the contractions seemed to be picking up in frequency and intensity. At some point, I puked a bunch in the toilet, and I needed Marina to rub my back during contractions and they felt strong to me. So we called the midwives to come out. At the time, I thought I was finally in ‘active labor’ (ha!). The midwives arrived mid-morning and checked me and baby out - everyone was doing fine. The midwives got all their gear unloaded (pretty much every surface in our small one-bedroom house was covered with birth supplies!) and then they settled in to watch me labor for awhile. We chatted a bit; they ate some snacks and crocheted.
I thought things were going fine (ha!), but finally Caroline asked: “So, Katie - are you ready to get serious about this? Are you ready for some more painful contractions?” I was like, “Seriously? Do they need to get more painful?” The answer was, of course, yes. I think she even said something like: “We need to see you less happy.” She suggested that Casey and I take a walk down the field and back and then walk up and down our exterior stairs a few times (we have a second-story entrance to our house).
Even though I did not particularly embrace the idea of experiencing more pain, I realized she was right - I knew enough about birth to realize that I wasn’t doing much, just going through the motions. So, Casey and I bundled up and walked down the fields and back once. As we walked down the field, I intentionally tried to make the mental switch to ‘Laborland.’ I stopped talking and mentally invited the contractions to come. I surrendered. In that time, I think I had three or four intense contractions where I had to hang on to Casey’s neck and sway. Walking back up the steps also triggered a really intense contraction.
When we got back inside, I was suddenly exhausted (this is also when my memory starts to get really foggy). I hadn’t slept much the two nights before and even though they weren’t intense, I’d been having contractions regularly for half a day already. I went and lied down in bed and Casey joined me. The midwives came in and pulled the sheets up over us and said that’s good, that I should take a nap. They left to go eat lunch, but Marina our doula stayed while we slept. I fell asleep easily but was continually woken up by increasingly intense contractions. I fell back asleep between each one though. Eventually, I woke up and Casey and I took a shower together. I had a couple really intense contractions in the shower, followed by a lot of bloody show when I went to the toilet (which continued showing up through the rest of the labor). I also had another minor fluid leak, which I tested this time and it was positive for amniotic fluid. Finally, we were getting somewhere.
Casey and I were really hungry, so he heated up some chicken soup for the three of us to eat. I couldn’t sit without contracting, so I tried to eat my soup standing at the kitchen counter. I was so hungry that I ate a bunch of it quickly and then of course puked it all back up. At that point, the contraction picked up even more. They were so intense, that I lied back down on the couch after almost every one. Marina directed Casey and me to try some different things, including walking the stairs, squatting in Casey’s arms, sitting on the birth ball, and slow dancing around the room - all of which worked to keep me having big bad contractions. The midwives arrived back at the house, and I asked everyone if they could get the tub ready - I was really starting to want it.
The tub felt soooooo good. Probably too good. I had some good contractions in there at first, but eventually they started slowing down (or at least not progressing). At this point, it was almost dark and I’d been working at this labor for a long time. I got out, because I was hot and nothing was happening. Originally, we had planned to not do any cervical checks until I had the urge to push, but labor had been going on so long that the midwives asked if I wanted a check. I thought that would be good, because then we’d know how much progress I was actually making. I was fully effaced but only 5 cm dilated (stretchable to 7 cm) with a small bulging bag. Apparently, my leaking fluid was probably coming from a high minor rupture, because even though I’d occasionally have another leak with contractions there was never a big gush.
Caroline once again suggested that it was time to get serious. I was ready to do whatever it took, and she started giving me directions, including walking up and down the stairs again. Casey and I went out in the cold, almost dark night and I started walking up and down the stairs. Each time, I had super intense contractions. I was also getting kind of drained, since I had been awake and moving for so long. The birth team made me some Emergency-C to sip between contractions and had me eat frequent small bites of plain yogurt to get some calories in me without me puking again. This stage was really active and hard, but I kept doing it until I felt like I was going to fall asleep or die or both. When I was taking another break, the midwives surrounded me and started attending to me: Margy and Marina rubbed my hands with lemon verbena lotion (to stimulate me, I think), and Caroline held a pressure point on my angle. I really wanted to keep taking a break, but the midwives wouldn’t let me. Instead they directed me to lie on the bed again on my left side, which apparently can trigger intense contractions.
So, once again Casey and I lied back down in the dark bedroom and took a mini-nap, but my nap was continually interrupted by what were indeed super intense contractions. I was moaning louder than ever before and then falling back asleep. At some point, the midwives came in to listen with the Doppler through a contraction (which they’d been doing regularly all day). I really wanted to get up and go back to working through the contractions, but they wouldn’t let me. They told me to stay in bed until the next Doppler check, and I dutifully listened even though it was really hard. They also suggested that Casey and I do nipple stimulation between contractions, which we did (Casey says it was very hard for him to do something that he knew would bring me more pain).
Just to be clear, I was in serious Laborland at this point. My memory of it all is very foggy, and I was incredibly open to suggestion. It was awesome to have such an extremely positive, supportive birth team who made good suggestions rather than undermining ones (for example, such as “Do you want your epidural yet?”). I should also point out that these were always true suggestions rather than veiled orders and everything to that they ‘did to’ me was prefaced with a genuine request for approval (such as rubbing my hands, etc.). The birth team was very respectful throughout of my wishes and comfort level with everything. But, I trusted them completely, so I welcomed every suggestion and every action.
Finally, they came in and we did another cervical check and I was at 8 cm - making progress but still with some labor work left to go. The bulging bag of water appeared to be gone, but again I hadn’t experienced any rushing breakage. The birth team started getting the tub ready again, and directed Casey and me to go into the bathroom and make out for a while. I went to the bathroom (urinating stimulated a lot of really great contractions for me all day), and Casey and I kissed while I sat on the toilet and did more nipple stimulation. It was actually really nice but definitely made for some strong contractions.
At this point, it was way past dark. The midwives had turned off most of the lights in our house, so it was basically just our Christmas tree lighting the living room. I think the midwives were trying to set the mood for birth. I got in the tub once again and really focused on getting to full dilation. The midwives suggested that during contractions I squat and let my butt get really low so that all the energy would help push the baby down and onto the remaining cervix. I turned that direction into a simple mental mantra of “Down. Open. Down. Open.” It helped a lot during contractions to think those simple words, and I actually felt the contractions intensifying whenever I concentrated on moving the baby down and opening.
The tub was once again really nice. I had a series of super intense contractions in there (lots of loud moaning), but eventually they once again started slowing down. This was the basic pattern of my labor - anytime I stayed in one position or place too long, things stopped progressing. So, I sat up and squatted in the tub for another few contractions. Then I turned over on my hands and knees for a few contractions. And so on. I also got out to pee at some point, which made for another few good contractions. I squatted by the tub for a few more. There was a lot of moving around and a lot of moaning.
My legs had started shaking in the tub, and I commented on it as being a sign of transition, which made my midwives laugh. I wasn’t talking much at all at this point, so I think it was a funny thing for them to hear. Casey suggested that I should being showing signs of self-doubt if I was in transition. I just shrugged and continued laboring.
After some time (an hour or three?) of more intense labor, I still wasn’t feeling the urge to push, so we did another cervical check on the bed in the almost dark (Margy held a flashlight for illumination). I was fully dilated but had an anterior lip over baby’s head, which was holding it back. I probably could have gotten rid of it with more labor, but at this point I had been laboring for so long that Margy decided to try to get me to push the head past the lip while she held it back. This was by far the most painful part of the labor: Margy was holding the lip back, waiting for a contraction and then directing me to push the baby’s head down. It was so hard and painful to have all three of those things happening at once. It was the only point in the labor where I kind of freaked out. I yelled, “It hurts! I can’t do this! I can’t do this!” Of course, I could and did do it in spite of the pain.
Unfortunately, then I needed to keep moving the head down to prevent the lip from popping back. So, the midwives were trying to teach me how to push effectively. I picked it up fairly fast, but the lip popped back anyway. I got down and squatted between the bed and our dressers (a very tight spot indeed) and pushed back over the lip again (with Margy’s hands in me again). I tried to keep pushing there, but after a few minutes my feet were starting to go to sleep, so I got back on the bed and we tried me pushing in a reclining semi-squat leaning against Casey. This was really ineffective for me and frustrating. I had to push past the lip again - OUCH!!!! Also, once again, the contractions were slowing down a lot because I wasn’t moving around much. I was waiting for a contraction to push with and it wasn’t coming, so Casey suggested that I might squat again to get things going.
I got in a more comfortable and effective squat the second time around. I pushed my back up against the bed and held myself up with my hands on the dresser. I was finally able to really push effectively. I still wasn’t having frequent spontaneous contractions, but I tried pushing anyway with the idea that pushing could help stimulate productive contractions (it was hard to do this, but it worked). Margy put her hands in my vagina to indicate where I need to push to get baby past the pubic bone. Her fingers there hurt a lot but helped me direct the energy. In just a few minutes she said she could see the head and had me feel it. A few more pushes, and I was just beginning to crown. She slipped a mirror under my legs so I could see for myself and it was apparently very energizing, because I pushed the head out in the next push and the body in the one after that! Woah!!!!! It was 12:20 am.
Margy caught the baby and lowered it to the ground. Since the membranes were still mostly in tact, baby’s head was in the caul, which she announced before lifting baby up to my lap while I leaned against the bed. Baby came out crying and was nice and pink right away, but we couldn’t see the ‘goods’ because of how dark it was. Casey and I just held baby and kind of freaked out about it all. Finally, Casey turned on the light and we found out that baby was a boy! Russell Sprout!!!!
What an amazing moment, seeing this baby that we’d only known through my belly for nine months. He was perfect and very much alive and thriving. He and I just kept exclaiming and looking him over while we waited for more contractions to expel the placenta. I was a little worried about the placenta because of my lack of spontaneous contractions towards the end of labor. Every thing had gone so well so far, and I just wanted to get through the third stage so I could stop worrying about the labor. The cord stopped pulsing and Casey cut it so that we could move Rusty easier. And, finally, after a few false tries, I had a nice productive contraction and pushed the placenta out into a bowl. The midwives rubbed my abdomen and my uterus started contracting and getting smaller immediately. After almost a full 48 hours, labor was done!!!!! Yay!
Casey and I curled up on the bed with little Rusty and got to know him a little bit while the birth team started cleaning up the house. It was so wonderful to be hanging out on our own bed with our new little boy. We called our families to let them know (we both have parents in the medical field, so we partly just wanted to let them relax, because they were pretty freaked about the home birth stuff). The midwives checked me and I had some tears that needed suturing. Caroline heated up some chili and we all ate a little bit before it was time to sew me up. Margy took the lead on suturing, and she did a great job. It was incredibly gentle and pain-free, so I was able to continue enjoying my birth high and watching little Rusty hang out in Casey’s arms. After getting sewn up, I took a quick shower; the three of us settled into bed; and the midwives finally headed home. It was almost 5 am at that point.
I didn’t sleep at all that first ‘night.’ Rusty slept between us - he was pretty sacked out in the post-birth baby sleep mode - and I just lied there watching him. Not only was it so amazing to finally have him in the world with us, but he was making so many funny little wheezy and snuffly noises that I wanted to make sure he kept breathing! He was spitting up bloody mucus too, which concerned me. It was probably just stuff he swallowed or inhaled on his way out, but it made it impossible for me to relax enough to sleep (of course, I also still had birth hormones and adrenaline coursing through my system, which probably helped to keep me awake). Casey slept for a few hours though, which is good since we hadn’t gotten a full night of sleep in several days at this point.
In the ‘morning’ (i.e. daylight), we welcomed the new day and started figuring out how to live and care for our little tiny baby!
Conclusions & after-thoughts:
Casey and I have spent a lot of time over the last couple days talking through the birth and how it went. It was such a marathon of work and Laborland that it’s been important to process it now with a clear head. I’d say that we both had a 100% positive experience. Even though it was long and hard, I never felt any fear or significant doubt during the process. Every step of the way, I felt like I just had to do what came next. I really took it one contraction at a time, which was great advice I received beforehand.
Casey also had a good experience - he was present for every moment and truly an integral part of making the birth happen, which is what he wanted. It felt like a real extension of our married relationship. We work together on the farm and have a strong sense of being a team. Even though he wasn’t the one who had to actually birth the baby, I felt incredibly supported and loved by him. He anticipated my needs and wants based on what we’d talked about beforehand and was an amazing birth partner.
We were both also incredibly glad we birthed at home. I think that every contraction was more bearable and less scary simply because I was in my own familiar and comfortable home, surrounded by our life and stuff. When the contractions first began on Wednesday morning, the pain of them was surprising, but it wasn’t scary because I was laboring in my own bed with Casey lying by my side. We were able to be naked and alone together and enjoy the intimacy of that and many moments in a way we wouldn’t have in another setting. Being at home also normalized the experience for both of us. Even though birth is a singularly intense process, it didn’t feel like a separate part of our life - we didn’t have to go to a different place and be with different people. Instead, birth felt integrated into our life - we ate our normal foods, hung out in our normal space, and were surrounded by our normal life (cats sleeping on the couch, Christmas music playing on the iPod, fire in the woodstove). The normalcy and familiarity of my surroundings made birth feel much more approachable at every step.
I was also able to eat and drink throughout the labor, which I know made an essential difference in such a long labor. I drank sips of water between almost every single contraction and ate small amounts of food throughout: crackers, juice, plain yogurt, tea with honey, etc. (the plain yogurt was the best though!!!). Even without sleep or significant calorie intake, I was able to keep my energy up through the end. I had expected that by the time I reached pushing, I would be way too exhausted to squat well, but I actually felt a lot of energy at that point. I think it also helped that I went into labor in very good physical shape. Farming kept me active all during the pregnancy (using a lot of the same important core muscles that were required during labor), and Casey and I went on lots of long walks as we neared labor. It was good to keep my stamina and endurance up, because I needed all of it.
I felt like I went into labor as well prepared as I could be, and yet of course there were still surprises. I knew there would be surprises and unknowns - watching videos, reading books, and talking with friends can only give glimpses into what is one of the most intense experiences one can have. The length of my labor surprised me. The length of my active stage was about what I expected for the entire length. But, more surprising to me was how damned hard I had to work to keep labor going. For some reason, labor didn’t take over my body the way I think it does for many people. I’d expected labor to be a super intense ride that I’d have to surrender to. Instead, my labor was something I actually had to direct with intention. Even in active labor, transition and pushing, if I stayed in one position too long my contractions would weaken and spread out. It was only by keeping active the entire time that I managed to progress. Even though the Bradley book was helpful in understanding labor, I don’t think any relaxation-based birthing ‘method’ would have helped me get through my labor experience. Just as a reminder, here are all the different active things I did during labor to keep it going (each of which I did many times over): walk half-mile laps around our fields, walk up and down stairs, squat, kneel, slow dance with Casey, bounce on the birth ball, nipple simulation, make out with Casey, sway my hips, lying on my left side (intentionally to intensify contractions), lean over the kitchen counter, and more … it was non-stop motion except for the brief periods of resting and micro-naps.
Given that, I was once again extremely grateful to be at home with a 100% supportive birth team. I think that if I’d gone to the hospital, it would have been much harder for me to do what I needed to do to progress my labor. More than likely, I would been labeled as ‘failure to progress’ and given Pitocin (and eventually possibly a c-section). Instead, I had midwives who helped me get my butt moving, and voila: labor progressed!
So, once again, I want to give props to my awesome birth team: the midwives, Margy and Caroline, and our doula, Marina. They were patient, very professional, highly present, and supportive of me and Casey both. There was never any hint or suggestion that I couldn’t do this. There were definitely moments when they conferred between themselves about how to proceed, but I wasn’t aware of them (Casey was, however). What I primarily heard were the explicit suggestions and the supportive praise: “That’s it.” “That’s a good one.” “You’re doing great.” “Yes. Yes. Yes.”
Between having a supportive team and being in my own comfortable environment, I never once felt afraid or scared. I also never once wanted any kind of medical pain relief. Labor hurt - it hurt real bad at times, and I had to make it hurt more to get to the finish line. But the pain just felt like part of the process. And it was just pain - I knew I wasn’t being hurt or damaged in any way. It was simply up to me to bear it. I found that moaning was absolutely essential to getting through each contraction. I moaned through every single one, and my birth team could tell how intense they were by how loudly I moaned. The team actually moaned with me as things got more intense, (Casey included) - it was pretty amazing to be laboring in a dark room, surrounded by loving people who were all experiencing it vicariously with me.
I know that natural birth is possible in lots of settings, but I am so glad I had a home birth! I’ve said it a million times already, but I really think being at home was a huge part of why the labor was smooth in spite of being long and hard. I’m also incredibly grateful to have had the opportunity - thanks to living in Oregon (where attended home birth is legal) and having a healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy and birth. I’m also incredibly proud that I did this. Even though I was well prepared and pretty sure I could do it, I had lingering doubts up until going into labor. There was just so much unknown about the experience beforehand. Once it started, however, all the preparation and good stuff (birth team, being home) kicked in and I was able to just work through it.
Anyhow, it’s three days out now, and Casey and I enjoying our babymoon. I’ve been resting pretty seriously - my perineum is very swollen from the big push out. The sutures haven’t bothered me much though. Either way though, I’m excited to get through this healing phase so I can be more active again. In the meantime, it’s been lovely to have very slow leisurely days at home getting to know Rusty. There’s so much to learn about him! Diaper changing, soothing, sleeping, nursing … it’s been challenging at times, but the home postpartum visits from the midwives have helped us stay confident and on course (especially with nursing, which is going well). We are completely smitten and it’s an amazing period of our life. I feel like we gave him the best possible welcome into our family, and it’s been a truly empowering way to start parenthood. Oh, and I’m so glad it’s over!!!!!!!!!
Finally, the photos! NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!!!!
The final belly shot, taken the night before going into labor. 40w2d.
Putting the plastic sheet on the bed. I was thinking, “Oh, yay! I’m going to meet my baby today!” Hahahahaha!
Same day, walking around the fields to try and get contractions restarted. It was below freezing out the entire day, but dry and sunny. It was actually quite lovely being outside.
After ‘getting serious’ on Thursday afternoon. I spent a lot of time leaning on this counter.
That’s a good one!
Going through transition in the tub.
Trying to intensify the contractions in the tub by squatting. (The tub is a 150-gallon Rubbermaid stock tank, and it was awesome. It was exactly the right shape, size and depth for me. I loved that I could lean hard against the rigid sides. We put a white sheet inside to keep everything visible for the midwives and then lined it with a plastic painting drop cloth. Worked great!)
Squatting to push between the bed and dresser. I gave birth in the most cramped part of our small house - not terribly convenient for the midwives, but it worked. (It was also mostly dark in the room - Margy is using a flashlight to illuminate me.)
Once baby’s head started crowning, Margy held out a mirror so I could see my progress. You can see the baby’s head in the mirror between my legs. Apparently, seeing the head was all it took, because the next photo was taken 16 seconds later …
BABY! I can’t make out the caul here, so it may have already slipped off. It wasn’t a full caul, since my sac had partially ruptured somewhere higher and I’d been leaking fluid. But apparently it was over the head when baby first came out.
First meeting, in the dark. We still didn’t know the sex of the baby yet.
After expelling the placenta … hanging out with my guys on the bed while the midwives cleaned up. He’s our little Russell Sprout!
Casey with his baby boy in his very first diaper. Aw.
Rusty wrapped up for his first night in the bed. We haven’t swaddled him since. Oh well! He made quite a cute package that first night!
The first morning. Love love love.
Rusty hanging out on my lap later on his first day in the world.
Feet!!!!!! CUTE!!!!!
Pregnancy & pre-birth preparation:
Since my husband Casey and I started thinking about making a baby last fall, I’ve become sort of obsessed with natural birth. We watched The Business of Being Born when it came out a couple years ago, and that was literally the first time I ever could imagine having a baby myself. The medicated hospital birth route just never jived for me, so I made it a goal to do every I could to have a natural birth.
In addition to joining the natural birth communities on LJ (which are awesome!), I started by reading every recommended birth book I could - even before getting pregnant. One thing that became clear was that my best odds of achieving an intervention-free birth would be found by birthing at home. Our local hospital has a relatively progressive birth center, but they have the same high c-section rate as the rest of the country. I just didn’t want to go there. Fortunately, since we live in Oregon, we have access to an awesome selection of trained, professional home birth midwives. The laws here truly support a wide range of legal options, which I am super grateful for. The accessibility of out-of-hospital birth also means that we personally know a large community of home birthers, who were very influential in our decision. It’s amazing how normal and not scary out-of-hospital birth seems when you know tons of people who have gone that route already with success.
So, as soon as we conceived, we contacted the midwives we wanted to work with: Margy and Caroline - both friends of ours already from the community. They are both relatively new certified midwives, but they’ve been training for a long time, and Margy has also attended many births as a doula. Since their practice is new and small (they both have children at home), all the prenatal appointments were held at our house. Since we’re full-time farmers, this was awesome, because we didn’t have to stop our work and drive 20 minutes into town. It made the visits extremely relaxed for us.
The pregnancy as a whole went well. I had one scare early on with some mysterious pain. We were worried that it might be an ectopic pregnancy, so I made a visit to an OB to get checked out. Turns out I was fine, but the visit to the OB was less than fun. Even though the OB was my OB-GYN prior to pregnancy, his staff made me feel awful for ‘using’ him to get checked up even though I wasn’t going to work with him for the entire pregnancy and birth. It was very awkward and felt like a strong push job - Casey and I left feeling extremely grateful that we’d already made the choice we had to work within a different model of care.
During our prenatal care, we chose to decline most of the routine screenings and tests, except when indicated or useful. I had the one early ultra-sound at 5.5 weeks to check for an ectopic pregnancy. I also did the basic blood screening to find out my blood type and check on my general health and well-being. I also took the GBS test in case of transfer (our local hospital assumes that all non-tested moms are positive - I tested negative, which meant that I wouldn’t automatically be put on an antibiotic drip if transferred). Other than that, we skipped everything else, including the anatomy ultra-sound scan. Declining the anatomy scan was a hard decision to make, because we know a lot of people who have found important information that way … but we decided to skip it anyway. Fortunately, all other observations (heart beat, belly palpating) indicated a very healthy baby, but it was a little nerve-wracking at times to not have as much information as possible. I wanted to trust the process and my body, but I also carried all the normal pregnancy fears about unhealthy babies. But, I figured I would have fears even if I had an ultra-sound, since many possible complications defy even the most modern prenatal tests.
Because I wanted to be prepared for all the possible outcomes, however, we did prepare for a hospital transfer too. We pre-registered at the local hospital and I packed a simple hospital bag with some clothes and stuff for me and baby. I felt better knowing that if we did have to go to the hospital that we’d do so in as sane a fashion as possible. Even though I wanted to have a successful home birth, I also wanted to have a successful birth. I wasn’t willing to deny the possible risks and all the unknowns involved with every unique birth scenario.
The final unofficial and very positive preparation I did for birth was simply being friends with the women who all ended up in a knitting group together this year. Out of the five of us who met every other week to knit, four were pregnant and planning natural births. I was the last one due, so I was able to watch intimately as each of my friends progressed through her pregnancy and gave birth before me. All three achieved natural out-of-hospital births (one a first birth at home, one a VBAC at a birthing center, and another a third birth at a birthing center). They all generously shared their wisdom, experience, and birth photos with me. It was the best possible birthing class I could have had (Casey and I also attended a six-week Birthing from Within course, which was valuable but probably not as deeply imprinting as spending time with these amazing women every other week).
Labor & birth:
My official due date was Sunday, December 6. A few days before then, I started becoming more and more aware of Braxton Hicks and cramping sensations. I also had some minor mucus drops in my underwear, so I knew something was going on to prepare for labor.
On Tuesday, December 8 (40w2d), my husband and I finished our second to last pick-up for our farm’s CSA subscription program. We had told folks that if we had the baby after that, we’d be done a week early, so Tuesday meant that essentially we were ‘done’ if baby arrived. I guess my body got the message that it was safe to start labor, because I had much more mucus during the pick-up, a lot more cramping, a slight cranky feeling, and a final burst of nesting energy. When we arrived home that night at 7:30 pm, I busily paid all the bills in our inbox, folded the last load of laundry, tidied up the house, and had my husband take a final belly photo.
The next morning (40w3d), at 2 am, I woke up to pee and felt some fluid run down my legs into the toilet - lots of clear fluid (but not a huge gush). I went back to bed and almost immediately started feeling real contractions for the first time. They were pretty mild but relatively close together - about every five minutes. After about 20 minutes of contractions, I woke Casey up and told him the news, which was very exciting. We decided that since I had some fluid and contractions, we should call our midwife Margy to check in. She said she’d come out and check on us shortly.
While we waited, I continued having contractions and had my first bloody show. I was pretty sure labor was on! I was very excited for obvious reasons (pregnancy almost over! baby coming soon!), but also because my mom never went into spontaneous labor with me and had to be induced twice before I came out. I’d feared repeating the same scenario during the entire pregnancy - I really didn’t want to lose my home birth opportunity before it even began! So, signs of real spontaneous labor were incredibly comforting and exciting.
Margy showed up around 3:30 or so and checked my vitals and baby’s vitals. We were both doing fine, and my contractions weren’t super intense, so she suggested we just go back to sleep and check in again in the morning. Casey and I were both convinced that we’d be meeting our baby that day, so we went ahead and put the plastic sheet on the bed and then tried to sleep. I slept some, but my contractions continued and woke me up through the rest of the night. Incidentally, all of this was happening on the coldest night of the year. It was 6° outside that night, which is a record low for where we live in Oregon.
The next day is a bit of a blur. Casey and I started our morning routine as usual: reading the paper, eating breakfast, and listening to the radio. I also called more people who would want to know that I was in labor: our doula (just to let her know we’d probably need her later that day), our parents, and a few friends. Unfortunately, my contractions started slowing way down at this point. After breakfast, they essentially disappeared. Bummer! Casey and I tried to not get too disappointed. As soon as it got light and ‘warm’ enough (as in: 18°), we decided to go outside for a walk around the fields. Through the day, we kept going out to walk, in hopes of getting the contractions started again and also to keep ourselves busy and sane. By our calculations, we walked about four miles in laps around the farm (in sub-freezing weather).
Mid-day, I started getting really discouraged. I hadn’t had any more fluid, contractions, or mucus. I felt like I’d made a mistake in calling the midwives at all. I posted about it on LiveJournal and got some great encouragement. I also checked in with Margy about it, and she came back out to check me again mid-afternoon. Baby and I were both still doing well, and I decided to just pretend I wasn’t in labor at all, which made me feel much saner. We called some friends to make plans for dinner and went about our day.
We walked a lot more in the afternoon, which actually started working. By the end of our final series of laps, I was contracting about once per lap (about one per 15-20 minutes). When we went back inside, the contractions continued at the same rate but picked up in intensity. Eventually, I called our friends to cancel our dinner plans, but we went to bed early (in case our night was interrupted) with the same sense of unknowing. We decided to just be ok with whatever happening.
The contractions continued through the night, and by about 12:30 they were getting intense enough that I wasn’t able to sleep and began moaning through them. Our doula Marina lives about an hour away, and I started worrying that if I waited too long to call her I would find myself really struggling before she arrived. So, we called her - even though it was probably earlier than I needed.
Marina arrived around 2:30 am on Thursday, December 10 (another 6° night). I didn’t really need her support yet, so she hung out in our living room while Casey and I lied in bed together. At this point, my contractions were still only 15 or so apart and not that intense (although of course I thought they were at the time - ha!). Eventually though they got intense enough that I couldn’t lie in bed anymore, so Casey and I got up and started a period of a few hours where I walked laps around the house and then worked through a several contractions an hour at our kitchen counter. I would lean over it when I was in a contraction and moan, but between contractions I was still super mellow, happy, alert, and talkative with Casey and Marina.
Finally, after daylight, the contractions seemed to be picking up in frequency and intensity. At some point, I puked a bunch in the toilet, and I needed Marina to rub my back during contractions and they felt strong to me. So we called the midwives to come out. At the time, I thought I was finally in ‘active labor’ (ha!). The midwives arrived mid-morning and checked me and baby out - everyone was doing fine. The midwives got all their gear unloaded (pretty much every surface in our small one-bedroom house was covered with birth supplies!) and then they settled in to watch me labor for awhile. We chatted a bit; they ate some snacks and crocheted.
I thought things were going fine (ha!), but finally Caroline asked: “So, Katie - are you ready to get serious about this? Are you ready for some more painful contractions?” I was like, “Seriously? Do they need to get more painful?” The answer was, of course, yes. I think she even said something like: “We need to see you less happy.” She suggested that Casey and I take a walk down the field and back and then walk up and down our exterior stairs a few times (we have a second-story entrance to our house).
Even though I did not particularly embrace the idea of experiencing more pain, I realized she was right - I knew enough about birth to realize that I wasn’t doing much, just going through the motions. So, Casey and I bundled up and walked down the fields and back once. As we walked down the field, I intentionally tried to make the mental switch to ‘Laborland.’ I stopped talking and mentally invited the contractions to come. I surrendered. In that time, I think I had three or four intense contractions where I had to hang on to Casey’s neck and sway. Walking back up the steps also triggered a really intense contraction.
When we got back inside, I was suddenly exhausted (this is also when my memory starts to get really foggy). I hadn’t slept much the two nights before and even though they weren’t intense, I’d been having contractions regularly for half a day already. I went and lied down in bed and Casey joined me. The midwives came in and pulled the sheets up over us and said that’s good, that I should take a nap. They left to go eat lunch, but Marina our doula stayed while we slept. I fell asleep easily but was continually woken up by increasingly intense contractions. I fell back asleep between each one though. Eventually, I woke up and Casey and I took a shower together. I had a couple really intense contractions in the shower, followed by a lot of bloody show when I went to the toilet (which continued showing up through the rest of the labor). I also had another minor fluid leak, which I tested this time and it was positive for amniotic fluid. Finally, we were getting somewhere.
Casey and I were really hungry, so he heated up some chicken soup for the three of us to eat. I couldn’t sit without contracting, so I tried to eat my soup standing at the kitchen counter. I was so hungry that I ate a bunch of it quickly and then of course puked it all back up. At that point, the contraction picked up even more. They were so intense, that I lied back down on the couch after almost every one. Marina directed Casey and me to try some different things, including walking the stairs, squatting in Casey’s arms, sitting on the birth ball, and slow dancing around the room - all of which worked to keep me having big bad contractions. The midwives arrived back at the house, and I asked everyone if they could get the tub ready - I was really starting to want it.
The tub felt soooooo good. Probably too good. I had some good contractions in there at first, but eventually they started slowing down (or at least not progressing). At this point, it was almost dark and I’d been working at this labor for a long time. I got out, because I was hot and nothing was happening. Originally, we had planned to not do any cervical checks until I had the urge to push, but labor had been going on so long that the midwives asked if I wanted a check. I thought that would be good, because then we’d know how much progress I was actually making. I was fully effaced but only 5 cm dilated (stretchable to 7 cm) with a small bulging bag. Apparently, my leaking fluid was probably coming from a high minor rupture, because even though I’d occasionally have another leak with contractions there was never a big gush.
Caroline once again suggested that it was time to get serious. I was ready to do whatever it took, and she started giving me directions, including walking up and down the stairs again. Casey and I went out in the cold, almost dark night and I started walking up and down the stairs. Each time, I had super intense contractions. I was also getting kind of drained, since I had been awake and moving for so long. The birth team made me some Emergency-C to sip between contractions and had me eat frequent small bites of plain yogurt to get some calories in me without me puking again. This stage was really active and hard, but I kept doing it until I felt like I was going to fall asleep or die or both. When I was taking another break, the midwives surrounded me and started attending to me: Margy and Marina rubbed my hands with lemon verbena lotion (to stimulate me, I think), and Caroline held a pressure point on my angle. I really wanted to keep taking a break, but the midwives wouldn’t let me. Instead they directed me to lie on the bed again on my left side, which apparently can trigger intense contractions.
So, once again Casey and I lied back down in the dark bedroom and took a mini-nap, but my nap was continually interrupted by what were indeed super intense contractions. I was moaning louder than ever before and then falling back asleep. At some point, the midwives came in to listen with the Doppler through a contraction (which they’d been doing regularly all day). I really wanted to get up and go back to working through the contractions, but they wouldn’t let me. They told me to stay in bed until the next Doppler check, and I dutifully listened even though it was really hard. They also suggested that Casey and I do nipple stimulation between contractions, which we did (Casey says it was very hard for him to do something that he knew would bring me more pain).
Just to be clear, I was in serious Laborland at this point. My memory of it all is very foggy, and I was incredibly open to suggestion. It was awesome to have such an extremely positive, supportive birth team who made good suggestions rather than undermining ones (for example, such as “Do you want your epidural yet?”). I should also point out that these were always true suggestions rather than veiled orders and everything to that they ‘did to’ me was prefaced with a genuine request for approval (such as rubbing my hands, etc.). The birth team was very respectful throughout of my wishes and comfort level with everything. But, I trusted them completely, so I welcomed every suggestion and every action.
Finally, they came in and we did another cervical check and I was at 8 cm - making progress but still with some labor work left to go. The bulging bag of water appeared to be gone, but again I hadn’t experienced any rushing breakage. The birth team started getting the tub ready again, and directed Casey and me to go into the bathroom and make out for a while. I went to the bathroom (urinating stimulated a lot of really great contractions for me all day), and Casey and I kissed while I sat on the toilet and did more nipple stimulation. It was actually really nice but definitely made for some strong contractions.
At this point, it was way past dark. The midwives had turned off most of the lights in our house, so it was basically just our Christmas tree lighting the living room. I think the midwives were trying to set the mood for birth. I got in the tub once again and really focused on getting to full dilation. The midwives suggested that during contractions I squat and let my butt get really low so that all the energy would help push the baby down and onto the remaining cervix. I turned that direction into a simple mental mantra of “Down. Open. Down. Open.” It helped a lot during contractions to think those simple words, and I actually felt the contractions intensifying whenever I concentrated on moving the baby down and opening.
The tub was once again really nice. I had a series of super intense contractions in there (lots of loud moaning), but eventually they once again started slowing down. This was the basic pattern of my labor - anytime I stayed in one position or place too long, things stopped progressing. So, I sat up and squatted in the tub for another few contractions. Then I turned over on my hands and knees for a few contractions. And so on. I also got out to pee at some point, which made for another few good contractions. I squatted by the tub for a few more. There was a lot of moving around and a lot of moaning.
My legs had started shaking in the tub, and I commented on it as being a sign of transition, which made my midwives laugh. I wasn’t talking much at all at this point, so I think it was a funny thing for them to hear. Casey suggested that I should being showing signs of self-doubt if I was in transition. I just shrugged and continued laboring.
After some time (an hour or three?) of more intense labor, I still wasn’t feeling the urge to push, so we did another cervical check on the bed in the almost dark (Margy held a flashlight for illumination). I was fully dilated but had an anterior lip over baby’s head, which was holding it back. I probably could have gotten rid of it with more labor, but at this point I had been laboring for so long that Margy decided to try to get me to push the head past the lip while she held it back. This was by far the most painful part of the labor: Margy was holding the lip back, waiting for a contraction and then directing me to push the baby’s head down. It was so hard and painful to have all three of those things happening at once. It was the only point in the labor where I kind of freaked out. I yelled, “It hurts! I can’t do this! I can’t do this!” Of course, I could and did do it in spite of the pain.
Unfortunately, then I needed to keep moving the head down to prevent the lip from popping back. So, the midwives were trying to teach me how to push effectively. I picked it up fairly fast, but the lip popped back anyway. I got down and squatted between the bed and our dressers (a very tight spot indeed) and pushed back over the lip again (with Margy’s hands in me again). I tried to keep pushing there, but after a few minutes my feet were starting to go to sleep, so I got back on the bed and we tried me pushing in a reclining semi-squat leaning against Casey. This was really ineffective for me and frustrating. I had to push past the lip again - OUCH!!!! Also, once again, the contractions were slowing down a lot because I wasn’t moving around much. I was waiting for a contraction to push with and it wasn’t coming, so Casey suggested that I might squat again to get things going.
I got in a more comfortable and effective squat the second time around. I pushed my back up against the bed and held myself up with my hands on the dresser. I was finally able to really push effectively. I still wasn’t having frequent spontaneous contractions, but I tried pushing anyway with the idea that pushing could help stimulate productive contractions (it was hard to do this, but it worked). Margy put her hands in my vagina to indicate where I need to push to get baby past the pubic bone. Her fingers there hurt a lot but helped me direct the energy. In just a few minutes she said she could see the head and had me feel it. A few more pushes, and I was just beginning to crown. She slipped a mirror under my legs so I could see for myself and it was apparently very energizing, because I pushed the head out in the next push and the body in the one after that! Woah!!!!! It was 12:20 am.
Margy caught the baby and lowered it to the ground. Since the membranes were still mostly in tact, baby’s head was in the caul, which she announced before lifting baby up to my lap while I leaned against the bed. Baby came out crying and was nice and pink right away, but we couldn’t see the ‘goods’ because of how dark it was. Casey and I just held baby and kind of freaked out about it all. Finally, Casey turned on the light and we found out that baby was a boy! Russell Sprout!!!!
What an amazing moment, seeing this baby that we’d only known through my belly for nine months. He was perfect and very much alive and thriving. He and I just kept exclaiming and looking him over while we waited for more contractions to expel the placenta. I was a little worried about the placenta because of my lack of spontaneous contractions towards the end of labor. Every thing had gone so well so far, and I just wanted to get through the third stage so I could stop worrying about the labor. The cord stopped pulsing and Casey cut it so that we could move Rusty easier. And, finally, after a few false tries, I had a nice productive contraction and pushed the placenta out into a bowl. The midwives rubbed my abdomen and my uterus started contracting and getting smaller immediately. After almost a full 48 hours, labor was done!!!!! Yay!
Casey and I curled up on the bed with little Rusty and got to know him a little bit while the birth team started cleaning up the house. It was so wonderful to be hanging out on our own bed with our new little boy. We called our families to let them know (we both have parents in the medical field, so we partly just wanted to let them relax, because they were pretty freaked about the home birth stuff). The midwives checked me and I had some tears that needed suturing. Caroline heated up some chili and we all ate a little bit before it was time to sew me up. Margy took the lead on suturing, and she did a great job. It was incredibly gentle and pain-free, so I was able to continue enjoying my birth high and watching little Rusty hang out in Casey’s arms. After getting sewn up, I took a quick shower; the three of us settled into bed; and the midwives finally headed home. It was almost 5 am at that point.
I didn’t sleep at all that first ‘night.’ Rusty slept between us - he was pretty sacked out in the post-birth baby sleep mode - and I just lied there watching him. Not only was it so amazing to finally have him in the world with us, but he was making so many funny little wheezy and snuffly noises that I wanted to make sure he kept breathing! He was spitting up bloody mucus too, which concerned me. It was probably just stuff he swallowed or inhaled on his way out, but it made it impossible for me to relax enough to sleep (of course, I also still had birth hormones and adrenaline coursing through my system, which probably helped to keep me awake). Casey slept for a few hours though, which is good since we hadn’t gotten a full night of sleep in several days at this point.
In the ‘morning’ (i.e. daylight), we welcomed the new day and started figuring out how to live and care for our little tiny baby!
Conclusions & after-thoughts:
Casey and I have spent a lot of time over the last couple days talking through the birth and how it went. It was such a marathon of work and Laborland that it’s been important to process it now with a clear head. I’d say that we both had a 100% positive experience. Even though it was long and hard, I never felt any fear or significant doubt during the process. Every step of the way, I felt like I just had to do what came next. I really took it one contraction at a time, which was great advice I received beforehand.
Casey also had a good experience - he was present for every moment and truly an integral part of making the birth happen, which is what he wanted. It felt like a real extension of our married relationship. We work together on the farm and have a strong sense of being a team. Even though he wasn’t the one who had to actually birth the baby, I felt incredibly supported and loved by him. He anticipated my needs and wants based on what we’d talked about beforehand and was an amazing birth partner.
We were both also incredibly glad we birthed at home. I think that every contraction was more bearable and less scary simply because I was in my own familiar and comfortable home, surrounded by our life and stuff. When the contractions first began on Wednesday morning, the pain of them was surprising, but it wasn’t scary because I was laboring in my own bed with Casey lying by my side. We were able to be naked and alone together and enjoy the intimacy of that and many moments in a way we wouldn’t have in another setting. Being at home also normalized the experience for both of us. Even though birth is a singularly intense process, it didn’t feel like a separate part of our life - we didn’t have to go to a different place and be with different people. Instead, birth felt integrated into our life - we ate our normal foods, hung out in our normal space, and were surrounded by our normal life (cats sleeping on the couch, Christmas music playing on the iPod, fire in the woodstove). The normalcy and familiarity of my surroundings made birth feel much more approachable at every step.
I was also able to eat and drink throughout the labor, which I know made an essential difference in such a long labor. I drank sips of water between almost every single contraction and ate small amounts of food throughout: crackers, juice, plain yogurt, tea with honey, etc. (the plain yogurt was the best though!!!). Even without sleep or significant calorie intake, I was able to keep my energy up through the end. I had expected that by the time I reached pushing, I would be way too exhausted to squat well, but I actually felt a lot of energy at that point. I think it also helped that I went into labor in very good physical shape. Farming kept me active all during the pregnancy (using a lot of the same important core muscles that were required during labor), and Casey and I went on lots of long walks as we neared labor. It was good to keep my stamina and endurance up, because I needed all of it.
I felt like I went into labor as well prepared as I could be, and yet of course there were still surprises. I knew there would be surprises and unknowns - watching videos, reading books, and talking with friends can only give glimpses into what is one of the most intense experiences one can have. The length of my labor surprised me. The length of my active stage was about what I expected for the entire length. But, more surprising to me was how damned hard I had to work to keep labor going. For some reason, labor didn’t take over my body the way I think it does for many people. I’d expected labor to be a super intense ride that I’d have to surrender to. Instead, my labor was something I actually had to direct with intention. Even in active labor, transition and pushing, if I stayed in one position too long my contractions would weaken and spread out. It was only by keeping active the entire time that I managed to progress. Even though the Bradley book was helpful in understanding labor, I don’t think any relaxation-based birthing ‘method’ would have helped me get through my labor experience. Just as a reminder, here are all the different active things I did during labor to keep it going (each of which I did many times over): walk half-mile laps around our fields, walk up and down stairs, squat, kneel, slow dance with Casey, bounce on the birth ball, nipple simulation, make out with Casey, sway my hips, lying on my left side (intentionally to intensify contractions), lean over the kitchen counter, and more … it was non-stop motion except for the brief periods of resting and micro-naps.
Given that, I was once again extremely grateful to be at home with a 100% supportive birth team. I think that if I’d gone to the hospital, it would have been much harder for me to do what I needed to do to progress my labor. More than likely, I would been labeled as ‘failure to progress’ and given Pitocin (and eventually possibly a c-section). Instead, I had midwives who helped me get my butt moving, and voila: labor progressed!
So, once again, I want to give props to my awesome birth team: the midwives, Margy and Caroline, and our doula, Marina. They were patient, very professional, highly present, and supportive of me and Casey both. There was never any hint or suggestion that I couldn’t do this. There were definitely moments when they conferred between themselves about how to proceed, but I wasn’t aware of them (Casey was, however). What I primarily heard were the explicit suggestions and the supportive praise: “That’s it.” “That’s a good one.” “You’re doing great.” “Yes. Yes. Yes.”
Between having a supportive team and being in my own comfortable environment, I never once felt afraid or scared. I also never once wanted any kind of medical pain relief. Labor hurt - it hurt real bad at times, and I had to make it hurt more to get to the finish line. But the pain just felt like part of the process. And it was just pain - I knew I wasn’t being hurt or damaged in any way. It was simply up to me to bear it. I found that moaning was absolutely essential to getting through each contraction. I moaned through every single one, and my birth team could tell how intense they were by how loudly I moaned. The team actually moaned with me as things got more intense, (Casey included) - it was pretty amazing to be laboring in a dark room, surrounded by loving people who were all experiencing it vicariously with me.
I know that natural birth is possible in lots of settings, but I am so glad I had a home birth! I’ve said it a million times already, but I really think being at home was a huge part of why the labor was smooth in spite of being long and hard. I’m also incredibly grateful to have had the opportunity - thanks to living in Oregon (where attended home birth is legal) and having a healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy and birth. I’m also incredibly proud that I did this. Even though I was well prepared and pretty sure I could do it, I had lingering doubts up until going into labor. There was just so much unknown about the experience beforehand. Once it started, however, all the preparation and good stuff (birth team, being home) kicked in and I was able to just work through it.
Anyhow, it’s three days out now, and Casey and I enjoying our babymoon. I’ve been resting pretty seriously - my perineum is very swollen from the big push out. The sutures haven’t bothered me much though. Either way though, I’m excited to get through this healing phase so I can be more active again. In the meantime, it’s been lovely to have very slow leisurely days at home getting to know Rusty. There’s so much to learn about him! Diaper changing, soothing, sleeping, nursing … it’s been challenging at times, but the home postpartum visits from the midwives have helped us stay confident and on course (especially with nursing, which is going well). We are completely smitten and it’s an amazing period of our life. I feel like we gave him the best possible welcome into our family, and it’s been a truly empowering way to start parenthood. Oh, and I’m so glad it’s over!!!!!!!!!
Finally, the photos! NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!!!!
The final belly shot, taken the night before going into labor. 40w2d.
Putting the plastic sheet on the bed. I was thinking, “Oh, yay! I’m going to meet my baby today!” Hahahahaha!
Same day, walking around the fields to try and get contractions restarted. It was below freezing out the entire day, but dry and sunny. It was actually quite lovely being outside.
After ‘getting serious’ on Thursday afternoon. I spent a lot of time leaning on this counter.
That’s a good one!
Going through transition in the tub.
Trying to intensify the contractions in the tub by squatting. (The tub is a 150-gallon Rubbermaid stock tank, and it was awesome. It was exactly the right shape, size and depth for me. I loved that I could lean hard against the rigid sides. We put a white sheet inside to keep everything visible for the midwives and then lined it with a plastic painting drop cloth. Worked great!)
Squatting to push between the bed and dresser. I gave birth in the most cramped part of our small house - not terribly convenient for the midwives, but it worked. (It was also mostly dark in the room - Margy is using a flashlight to illuminate me.)
Once baby’s head started crowning, Margy held out a mirror so I could see my progress. You can see the baby’s head in the mirror between my legs. Apparently, seeing the head was all it took, because the next photo was taken 16 seconds later …
BABY! I can’t make out the caul here, so it may have already slipped off. It wasn’t a full caul, since my sac had partially ruptured somewhere higher and I’d been leaking fluid. But apparently it was over the head when baby first came out.
First meeting, in the dark. We still didn’t know the sex of the baby yet.
After expelling the placenta … hanging out with my guys on the bed while the midwives cleaned up. He’s our little Russell Sprout!
Casey with his baby boy in his very first diaper. Aw.
Rusty wrapped up for his first night in the bed. We haven’t swaddled him since. Oh well! He made quite a cute package that first night!
The first morning. Love love love.
Rusty hanging out on my lap later on his first day in the world.
Feet!!!!!! CUTE!!!!!