Most Direct Strategy

[builderofxeno]

 I've had enough of this praying to Jesus business to fix the Gulf Oil Disaster.  It isn't going to do any good.  The Gulf isn't even Jesus' area of expertise

Comments

And as a handy benefit,

[keety531]

We get a ton of goat-meat. Delicious taco times during the prayerful orgy in dedication to Poseidon?

[writebrained]

I can provide the names of several oceanic divinities, should anyone desire to pray to them. Triton, Amphitrite...I have a dictionary.

[creogaudium]

~My first thought, I'm sorry to say, had to do with sea nymph tits. You know how the media, to get attention and exploit tragedy (and maybe get the word out if they have the time) will show pictures of oil-soaked seals and blackened gulls? Well, what I imagined was the bare chested tar-stained corpse of a mermaid. Instead of inflaming a global tragedy, those pictures would inflame--yeah.

~I'm actually surprised that Jesus is even being brought to bear here. I only thought his 'excessively vocal' followers got involved when it was an affront to Jesus himself. I never read anything in the Bible about God being morally offended by dying sea creatures. Unless they were gay dying sea creatures.

~Can we actually do obeisance to Poseidon, for realz? Can we eat sushi and sacrifice goat meat and watch films like 'The Perfect Storm' and 'The Sphere' and 'Deep Blue Sea' in order to beg the help of Poseidon? Cause I already mailed nylons to the people making oil booms...this seems the next best thing to do.

[thegelf]

Don't know if God is morally offended by dying sea creatures, though he is morally offended by the consumption of most of them (Old Testament style :), and since they have to die to be consumed, I bet he's offended by their dying, and hence even less likely to help us out of the mess we've made. Poseidon is definitely the way to go.

[not_a_girl]

Fuck goats, we're going to need to get some virgins in on this. We hurl some off a cliff into the ocean, to make up for the nymphs.

[builderofxeno]

I like how you're thinking. We've just got to keep Poseidon distracted with a bunch of new nymphs.

[zoogeek]

Yeah...I'm not sure if that's a great or a horrible plan. Poseidon does seem like the best candidate for sacrifices, but those Greek Gods tend to get pissed if you pray to them incorrectly. Either way seems like a recipe for a hurricane in the gulf.

Becca's answer seems best. Time to chain some virgins to a rock and let Poseidon's sea monster eat them?

[bonniecharlie]

But where do we find the virgins? I don't know any in Beloit.

Also, at the bottom of the page is an add for a Christian Prayer Center... woops

[builderofxeno]

Thank you LJ ads. Thank you so much.

[zimboptoo]

So can the angel still fly away if it's chained to a tree behind Smith?